This is an awesome story!! You made the character of Alec instantly likeable and relatable, and the style that you wrote in made us all empathaise with him.
I love how you started by describing the great hall scene - it got the reader gripped in an engaging opening. The whole plot line is fantastic - and I love the dramatic irony that he only knows he fancys her. It really keeps the reader engaged in the story. The pace of this story is perfect - it doesn't change scene to fast, but quick enough for us to still be interested. The first person narrative works really well with this piece - his humorous thoughts and feelings are well structured.
Overall, a brilliant chapter - I hope to read a lot more of Alec! :DAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! This was sort of experimental (the idea just kind of jumped at me!) so I'm glad it's coming off well so far! :) Report Review
Well, I normally donít read OC stories, but as I helped name this young man I thought Iíd give it a go - and I really enjoyed it! Iíll be honest with you, I was a little concerned from the story and chapter summaries that Audrey would be a bit of a Mary-Sue, but as I read the chapter it became apparent that sheís a beautiful, popular young lady, who is obviously utter perfection in the eyes of our narrator. That doesnít, in itself, make her a Mary-Sue. You also have little touches like her Ďunrestrained laughí and her Ďmad food orgiesí that really made me see that sheís an interesting character. I also normally donít enjoy stories written in the present tense - but you do it so well and make it seem unforced, that I really enjoyed it.
Iím so sorry; this review is beginning to look like Mr Darcyís first proposal. ďThese are all the things I generally abhor. But I like them when you do them. Marry me?Ē
I laughed out loud a few times whilst reading this. Alecís sense of frustration, his powers of observation and his brilliant sarcasm, all made for quite hilarious reading. Normally if a story makes me laugh, Iíll pick out the lines that did it, but I canít do that here because it was basically the whole chapter. I particularly enjoyed his fantasy about beating the floo powder out of Sirius. And the image of Slughorn nibbling on his piece of bacon at the start of the class, baahaha.
I love, love, love the little nods to canon. Amos Diggory as a teen was great. and Black and his friends wouldnít happen to be working on a certain map, would they? And Stebbins and Fawcett... Iíve seen those names paired together before. Which makes me wonder will they get together - or will we have to wait another generation for a Fawcett and a Stebbins to be romantically linked?!
Your portrayal of unrequited, moody, teenage love is great. This line made me smile: ďIíd rather sit alone than be bored to death by the other Ravenclaws. The truth is that I am crazy. Iím crazy about Audrey, and I canít be bothered with other people.Ē He would really do much better if he talked to other people, but thatís hard to see when youíre head over heels in love! Haha.
It was so funny and interesting for me to read a story where my beloved Sirius is essentially the bad guy - and yet, you havenít done anything to change his characterization from the way JKR portrayed him as a teen. Itís really quite cool to see somebody other than Snape with a low opinion of Sirius and his friends.
Oh, Siriusís friends! I love your characterization of Lily! And I really, really enjoyed Alecís supposition that Remus had let James wear the Head Boy badge for a joke. Youíve done a brilliant job of subtly painting in the characters and relationships we already know.
Hmm. This review got a bit rambly. Sorry. I really enjoyed this chapter, basically, and am looking forward to seeing where you go with the story - wherever that may be!Author's Response: Thank you so much for stopping by!
I want to give a fuller idea of Audrey in coming chapters. I see her as a sort of insensitive girl who wants to have fun and explore, and doesn't think about much else. But from Alec's point of view, she's perfect.
I have trouble writing witty banter, so I wanted to try to convey some humor through Alec's actual thoughts. :)
Thanks again for your review, it made my day!! Report Review
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