omg. that scene, that scene with timothy, that was so sad! it was so utterly heartbreaking, I was practically in tears by the point where Bethy breaks down in the elevator. yargh, that was exactly the sort of thing I'd been waiting for, for god knows how many chapters!! even though nothing actually happened!! THANK YOU!

and omg this. "It felt as though the entirety of her small world had been waiting on tenterhooks for the next big moment to happen, and as it hadn’t yet, the strings inside each person were wound tighter and tighter with each passing day."
It's like you were channelling my previous comments LOL except obviously you haven't been writing this as you update but still, that's funny. maybe you did anticipate how frustratingly slow this would be not just for Bethy but for your poor readers.. and now holidays of all things.. I believe you owe us some quicker updates perhaps? (not that I can tell you what you owe us but yknow. a girl can dream)

have a good time, always awaiting the next
xoxoxxo

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I'm sorry I haven't reviewed in ages!
I've been writing essay after essay for Uni but now that they are all done (for now) I decided to read some Sneth as a celebration.
It's hard to describe my reaction to this chapter and the two previous ones that I just read. All the deaths are making the war feel very real and I'm nervous because Sev must be responsible for Marlene and her family's deaths. As always I still love your writing and the way you can make me feel what Beth and the others are going through. It's like I'm in there with them not knowing what's going to happen next. I'm going to be so upset when this whole thing ends.


x Magic.

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"Saved it for you," he called across, though there were still several other chairs to be had.

♥ Look at Sirius going out of his way to be a good, helpful little dog. He probably thinks his politeness is more subtle than it is.

From near Beth's feet, Sirius twisted to look up at Lily, frowning a bit. "Doesn't he already have his teeth?"
"He's only got four, Sirius," James explained patiently. "He's in the market for a few more."

loool. ♥ It must seem bizarre to Sirius that his best friend, a guy his own age, is already a dad. James is a totally different level of adult than Sirius is. Sirius has come a long way and is determined to keep their friendship the same as it always has been as much as possible, and he truly loves Lily and Harry, but he's got to feel a wee bit left behind every now and then. Or maybe not. Sirius is so codependent on James that it's likely he has no choice but to bury any conflicting feelings he has for the sake of his own happiness. And then again, he also has Beth. -ramblerambleramble-

I know you've said before that if you could do anything differently, you would have made Beth a little closer to Peter and Remus. But looking back, I'm glad you wrote it this way. There is a small rift that has been widening and widening, and it makes what is to come make a lot of sense. It's difficult to add a fifth marauder and make it realistic. If they were all buddy-buddies, they would have had a harder time suspecting each other of being the spy. Remus and Sirius both suspected each other; there's got to be something in their relationships that they can point to after it's all over and say, "Well, now that all makes sense." And in hindsight, it is 100% understandable if Beth suspected Sirius of being the spy because she knows he's capable of lying; it's understandable that Sirius would suspect Remus at first because he's not as close to the others; I can see how Remus could grow to distrust Sirius and Beth both. And meanwhile, Peter sits quietly on the sidelines while everyone underestimates him.

And this is part of the reason why it's so much fun to dissect your characters and what they do, why they do it, etc. They have so much depth, and you're skilled at sowing little seeds of doubt between them, over a long period of time. They grow a little more distant or a little more suspicious, and it's so incredibly natural because you give us reasons why, and it's like watching the puzzle pieces of the perfect storm fall into place. To think that all of this could have been prevented if the group worked to include Peter just a little bit more. But they didn't, or they thought they did and just didn't give it much thought, and here we are.

You are probably sick of me putting on my wow-these-characters-are-fascinating goggles.

SO MANY SIRIUS GEMS IN THIS CHAPTER.

"That's clearly his 'I-want-my-godfather' cry. Hand him over."
"You didn't even know he needed more than four teeth," Beth shot back

I like the realistic detail of Lily rummaging around in James's pockets for the teething ring with her own pockets turned inside-out. I love touches like that.

D: That was abrupt. The Prewetts are dead. D: That's how it always is, though. People die all of a sudden without any warning.

HAAA EDMUND MCKINNON. That's the first name I gave him, too! I know this is a coincidence but I will feel triumphant anyway and say that my headcanon has invaded your subconscious. -VICTORYYY-

D::: NOOO. No action against the Potters yet! I'm not ready! I'm not ready! What month is this. Ermegherd. Everyone's dying. Everyone's going to die. The McKinnons are next. Remus and Peter are nowhere to be found. Harry only has four teeth. Severus thinks he's in love with Lily and can't help feeling resentful that he wasn't given this inside information. Double-agent or not, it really gets on his nerves when he's not in the full confidence of each. And he never seems to be. Dumbledore never confides him him completely and it seems Voldemort doesn't either. That's got to be annoying.

HE'S GETTING THERE. HE'S GOING TO REMEMBER HER. DIG, SEVERUS, DIG.

Author's Response: Can I say it again? I'll say it again. ALL SIRIUS, ALL FOR YOU. ♥ There is a very special something lurking in the last chapter of this book that will interest you greatly, and even though you may already have a suspicion of what it is (heck, I may have flat-out told you about it), I will never spoil it for you. NEVER. It is a miniature sort of thank-you present, if you will. ♥

I actually think it was your one-shot that altered my view on Beth's friendships with Peter and Remus, and it worked extremely well for a few of the major plot points towards the end of this book. I would have loved for her to have been better friends with the pair of them, but now I look back on it and that's life, isn't it? You're always closer to one or two people than to others, even in a group of mutual friends. Drawing on more life inspiration there, I suppose. ♥ And there is yet another one of the numerous ways that you have laid your hand on this story and said, "STORY, BE THIS WAY." And so it has.

Never, ever going to be sick of your character-analysis goggles. ♥ Also, I KIND OF FEEL LIKE MAYBE I STOLE EDMUND MCKINNON FROM YOU, BUT MAYBE I DIDN'T AND NOW I AM SUSPICIOUS OF MY PAST SELF. We are on the same wavelength of life, for real. Let's just pretend that I was yet again inspired by your brilliance.

~dangles fishing line with plotty bits in front of your nose~ ♥ SO MUCH MORE FOR YOU TO READ. I AM EXCITE. You are the cat's pyjamas. Spelled in the British fashion, because maybe that way a British man will take notice and make me his betrothed.

There is caffeine in my veins.

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I have to say that I love how you have written Bellatrix. That is exactly how I would imagine a youthful Bellatrix. Her personality and mannerisms are spot on.

It seems that things are getting a bit more dangerous and volatile in Beth's world. Hopefully the action will begin really soon... but then again, hopefully it won't because that means that James and Lily's lives will be hanging by a thread. It also means that Frank and Alice will be tortured into insanity. I have always felt that Neville had it worse off. His parents were still alive, but he could never have a relationship with them; a constant reminder of what he really lost.

I really like that we got a glimpse into Serverus's world again. Although, every time he mentions Lily, I seethe inside. I know it is just an illusion, but UGH!

Anyways, I look forward to the next installment. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the Bellatrix compliment! She's one of the hardest characters for me to write, somehow, but knowing someone enjoyed it is actually a really big confidence boost. She's certifiably crazy, that's for sure, and somehow that makes it that much more interesting to write her.

I can't tell you for sure what's on the horizon without spoiling a few major plot developments, but I'll tell you that we haven't seen the last of the bottle of memories, or of the Order itself! I think I nearly agree with you about Neville's plight, too; having your parents not able to recognize you might almost be worse than having them dead.

Severus/Beth forever! ♥ Thank you so much for reviewing this chapter, as always. It really does mean so much to me that you take the time to stop by each week. I hope you enjoy the next chapter, too!

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Aw I think I’m as happy as Beth is about how everything seems to be temporarily ok. She was all happy, then Sirius saved her the seat and there was another Order meeting. It looks as everything’s on the up in her life for once, and it’s so lovely to see. I really liked that remark about Sirius being so kind; of course Remus being the observant person that he is would pick up on that.

Aw and we get to see Harry again, it feels as if we haven’t seen him in ages. It’s weird to think that he probably did attend all of these Order meeting, yet he knew nothing about because the majority of the people who also went to them died too. I really like how close Lily and James and Alice and Frank it’s really lovely to see, and it’s cool that their sons ended up becoming friends without even realising how close their parents were.

I loved this line ‘“That’s clearly his ‘I-want-my-godfather’ cry. Hand him over.”‘ it’s so Sirius! It’s funny to see how different James and Sirius’ lives have become. Sirius is almost living it as if he was still at Hogwarts at times, and Beth too I suppose. Then there’s James with his baby and wife. You’ve showed the difference really well, as you’ve made sure that though they are still friends there is a big difference in the maturity level of the two.

Mad-Eye was perfectly in character. Even though he appears to be bitter and moody most of the time, you showed that he did care for the twins deep down and you could see it in his reaction to what Sirius said. It’s really sad that they’ve died as I always held a soft spot for those two. Their death only reminds of the more to come. I’m glad that Beth was still supportive of Sirius despite what his said, I guess it wasn’t his fault and no one could have known what happened to them.

I was just thinking about the McKinnon’s death the other day, and no it’s being planned. I’m glad that we got to see more of the Death Eater side of things as I really enjoy reading it. I never liked Roark that much, so I’m glad to see that Snape’s got a superior position to him now, and I don’t even have to feel bad about it as I know Snape’s on the good side too.

This story is just getting darker and darker. With one family about to be killed, and now the decision between the Longbottoms or the Potters is about to be made. I’m kind of glad that Snape’s realising what he’s done and that’s he’s going to lose Lily, but then it also shows that he still hasn’t got his memories of Beth, and if he had, he would probably be more worried about hurting her because of the prophecy and the consequences of what he did.

Ah massive cliff-hanger in your author’s note! For all this time I was thinking it’s going to go the canon way isn’t it, and Snape’s never going to get his memories back because otherwise my favourite chapter, The Prince’s Tale, may never even happen. Ah it’s too exciting! Another excellent chapter Rachel :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: I think one of my favorite things about this chapter is the beginning, because it was the first time in a while for this story that I got to write the sort of warm Marauders camaraderie that I've really enjoyed working on in these books. ♥ It's hard not to feel like everything's going to be okay at those moments. And baby Harry! I'm really going to miss writing his bouncy drooling self. I'll have to come up with more excuses to write wee Harry in the future.

I'm really pleased that you thought Mad-Eye was in character, too! He was another of J.K.'s gems that I enjoyed fleshing out in this story. Exploring this era and its characters in general was such a nice writing challenge and I apologize heavily for this response, because it's coming at a time when it's starting to hit that I'm finished writing all the books. :D I'm getting a bit soppy and nostalgic over here. This is the point of the books where deaths are nearly a dime a dozen, and it's so, so sad. It never occurred to me just how hard-hit the Order was until setting out to write this, but nearly half of them (maybe even more than half) died in the first half of the war alone.

I think ITR might be the darkest of the three books, but you're absolutely right in that BE has more than its fair share. You've hit the nail on the head about Sev's memories! A very large part of why he had them removed in the first place was because he thought it would protect her -- he wouldn't be so focused on her that it would distract him from other things. Clearly it just distracted BETH, but unforeseen consequences, am I right?

I don't think anyone's correctly predicted the way this story ends. ;) And I'm afraid that's all I'll say on the matter for the time being! I can't wait for you to find out, Kiana -- thank you for being such a fantastic reviewer, as you always are!! ♥

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I was really excited for this chapter, but things are moving frustratingly slow.. I wish I had the patience to just wait it out for a few months and then come and read the rest of this thing but I know I don't! sighs I know this is necessary so I'll stop badgering you. great chapter as always, I can never fault you except for not giving me as much of your writing as I want :P keep going! You'll get to the end soon! can't wait to see what you come up with

Author's Response: I promise you that things will pick up in time -- and just as in DH with the trio running around and spending loads of time camping in the woods, sometimes a slight lull is necessary to keep the plot moving as it should. ;) Don't worry!

Thank you, as always, for taking the time to review, and know that it really does mean a lot to me that you DO keep returning week after week to leave your opinion. ♥ Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on chapter 14, too!

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I'm not even attempting to make this coherent.

BUT. I'm very happy Beth has forgiven Sirius, and I love seeing those two interact. I'm just hoping Sirius doesn't harbour more-than-friends feelings for Beth anymore though, because knowing how his life is going to be in a few months, I don't want to see him unhappy before that.

Sunday will never come fast enough, I'm afraid!

&hearts &hearts

Author's Response: Beth and Sirius interactions are my favorites. ♥ Although he never did harbor any romantic feelings for Beth -- not really. He was lonely, and he wanted what James had found in Lily, and thought Beth was his best chance at that. But poor boy, he has never been in love, and although he thought he could grow to fall in love with Beth someday, he never did in ITR. :)

Sunday will be here before you know it, I swear! ♥ And once again -- thank you, thank you for all these incredibly sweet reviews!!

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AH THIS IS IT. (One of the its. No matter.)

Wow, I hadn't realised it had been three years. This makes me sad.

Minerva is one of my favourite characters, and I love seeing her appear in Marauder-era stories. I loved James' reaction to her, as opposed to Sirius who's completely at ease talking to her.

Oh. I've reached the end of the chapter and this review has no real content. Well, onto chapter twelve then, and then I will probably be absent for a long period of time again, or maybe just not reviewing, but I am going to come back to this even if it is the last thing I do.

And also, this wasn't completely it. How reassuring, to a point, to know that this isn't over yet!

&hearts

Author's Response: There are rather a lot of "its" to this story, aren't there? I'm always paranoid I won't address them all, too! I'll have to take a survey at the end to see if I have. ;)

I loved writing McGonagall in this chapter, and I love writing her in general -- she's full of spunk and sass and has a great voice to her. And don't worry about how often you return! ♥ The fact that you do at all is truly awesome, and I'll actually be going on a two-week hiatus around the end of the month because my family's going on holiday then. So you'll have a couple of weeks to catch up to wherever you missed -- or not to, and that's perfectly fine, too!

It's definitely not over yet. Much more to come, and I'm so excited for you to read it!!

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Oh, no. I can't help but worry that this chapter is the turning-point for Frank and Alice (RAISIN COOKIE AGAIN!), which is something I'd never thought you'd include, so now I'm hoping it's not because that would break my heart.

I've got to ask a question that worries me though: how could Dumbledore ever have left Alice and Frank go on a mission when he knows they're being targeted?

... find Bridger.

I'm sorry to come back again with this image, but really, the cookie comparison suits you far too well. Is it Severus? I hope so. Or maybe not. I just hope the Death Eaters aren't talking about Beth.

I'm sorry for the shortness of this review, but right now I'm at a point where I am quite literally in th edge of my seat. See you at the end of chapter eleven!

Author's Response: Frank and Alice are fine up until the point of this chapter -- no worries! Nothing happens to them at least until James and Lily's deaths, remember, because they're tortured for information about Voldemort's whereabouts. As for why they're doing mission work, I see Alice especially as a hugely brave person. I didn't write this explicitly -- and maybe I should have -- but I'm under the impression they tried to tell Frank and her that they could sit out missions, and neither of them accepted. For them, the risk was worth it.

Ah, what a mystery! Did Sirius really overhear Severus, or was it someone else? And who, specifically, are they talking about? How dreary life would be without questions! Yours will be answered in due time, never fear.

I apologize equally for the shortness of my responses -- your reviews mean so much to me, and I wish I could give them more justice than this. ♥ Thank you so much for taking the time to do this for me!

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Timothy again! I like him for now, yet I've also got the instinctive capacity to appreciate characters that I shouldn't, so I'll hold my judgement for now!

Beth &hearts Seeing her sad makes me sad.

SO MAYBE SHE SAW SEVERUS? This is why I don't trust you as an author: I'm always persuaded everything is fine and dandy (I cannot believe I typed that), but then it's not. You are a bit like the raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip ones, you know. I'm fine with raisins too, unlike most people, I just prefer to know what to expect when I start eating. Food comparisons aside, YOU ARE EVIL.

Annnd that last section just confirms my point.

milk that makes a suspicious sound when you shake it LOL Sirius this is why I love you.

AND YOU SEE, YOU SEE, YOU AREN'T A RAISN COOKIE, NOOO, THAT DOESN'T EVEN BEGIN TO COVER IT! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TYPE OF COOKIE YOU WOULD BE BUT BAAAH WHY RACHEL WHY THANK GOD I DON'T HAVE TO WAIT A WEEK FOR AN UPDATE BECAUSE I WOULD DIE.

*flops to the ground hyperventilating*

Insert parrot-like squawking.

Author's Response: I am very amused to hear myself described as a raisin in a cookie. :D That's certainly something I've never heard before! I don't mean to be evil, I do promise. ♥ I am of an extremely firm belief that sad stories are more real than happy ones, but even sad stories have their happy moments. I can't tell you whether or not she saw Severus, but it's something to think about!

Sirius. ♥ He is, of course, largely inspired by Sarah, and essentially is written to make her laugh. I'm just really glad other people like him too!

No hyperventilating! ♥ Don't want that on my conscience! Thank you so much for yet another lovely review, too. :)

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FINALLY, BETH MAKES AN APPEARANCE AGAIN. I am going to steal her for a moment and hug her tightly because I have missed her and this story so, so much! Also, I've only read her name for now. Not even the sentence. Heehee.

I can completely identify to Beth feeling like she's cutting herself off everyone she knows and just working all the time, though not at the same level. This is kind of selfish, but I find it comforting to read about other people struggling, because it lets me forget about my own life for a moment. Anyway. Thank you for this mini-cathartic moment.

Ooh, Timothy again! I really hope he's a good guy, as cheesy as that sounds, because I feel he could be a life-jacket for Beth, if that makes sense. If only the poor girl allowed herself to be happy and managed to forget Severus (silence, brain, you don't mean that).

Okay, I think Harry being a drooling baby is one of the funniest images I have ever come across. It's so normal, and yet I can't help but think of Rita Skeeter's reaction if she'd found out about this type of information!

NO JAMES. NOT A GOOD IDEA. Well, maybe it is, but you are known for throwing plot twists at us, so I'm worried.

AAAH so the paragraph about Beth remembering things about Severus that stretch over years and years made me think back to Sarah's one-shot and boo all of the feels &hearts

This is a random piece of information, but I found out that rubbing your nose is a sign of severely lacking self-confidence, so I was wondering: did you do that on purpose or is it just a coincidence?

Also I'm sorry but the ninth of May? I'm not done before the beginning of July! Sigh. Moving on, I really liked this chapter, because it was nice to see a scene with a few of the Marauders again, even though Peter was absent for obvious reasons.

Lovely chapter as always!

Author's Response: Beth has missed you too, to be sure! :) I can actually identify a lot with her at this point in her life, and it's neat -- in a somewhat odd way -- that you can as well. As for what Timothy is or isn't up to, I can't let you in on any information on that front just yet. ;) You'll come to know his role in the story before long!

Harry as a drooling baby is one of my favorite parts of the entirety of BE. ♥ And I wanted to focus on the normalcy -- that he was a normal baby boy, until his parents were killed. I DID NOT KNOW THAT ABOUT RUBBING YOUR NOSE, EITHER. I'm laughing so hard right now because that trait's something I gave to Beth solely because I do it, too. Good to know these things about myself! But unfortunately it's rather accurate.

Thank you as always for reviewing! ♥ It really does mean so much to me -- I value your opinion greatly! :)

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I know I say this quite a lot and it must start to get boring, but your imagery. And your James. I don't know which one I prefer. It's like choosing between waffles and pancakes, but a million times worse.

Oh, no. I smell foreshadowing and I absolutely hate the thought that it's almost over for James and Lily. If it's in one of the chapters that I have yet to read, I will cry -- I am not mentally prepared for this. And the mention of Peter too...

Aw, more baby Harry! I don't think I've read many stories where we get a chance to see him interact with his parents, and you make everything so light and normal despite the circumstances that I just can't stay coherent because HE IS SO CUTE.

"He'll drown," James said mildly, and Lily reached over and whacked him in the stomach with the back of her hand. He doubled over, as though in great pain.

This line made me want to laugh and cry at the same time &hearts

So much cannon interweaved into this, baaah. The mention of the broom was so sweet, and now I wonder if we'll see Bathilda appear in this as well?

Oh, I'd forgotten James knew about Snape's memories! I hope he doesn't do anything too stupid, though I really want Beth to get her happy ending (a nagging little voice tells me she won't because you like to make your readers suffer a bit, but I'm still hoping).

Ah, well. James wouldn't be James if he wasn't reckless sometimes, right? Off to read the next chapter to find out what happens!

Author's Response: Your reviews are NEVER boring, no matter what they say -- trust me on that! I am always so appreciative for whatever you have to say. :) James and Lily's story in the entire trilogy, and this book especially, is sort of gut-wrenching to write, but it's also rather interesting. I could never write a full-out Marauders era about this particular set of years, though -- the research is exhausting! You'll see about Bathilda. ;)

I like to make my readers suffer -- but I also want to give them happy endings in many ways, even if they are tinged with sadness. Does that make sense? :P Probably not, but it's something to keep in mind for future chapters, to be sure!

Thanks for reviewing, Val!

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Hi Rachel!

I've finally found the time to come back to this, and I'm so happy I did -- I can't believe I missed out on eight chapters.

Your description of Narcissa was so perfect. She's often portrayed as a compensation to Lucius' stereotyped evilness, so seeing her with an eerie and definite dark side was a wonderful change that you pulled off really well!

Bah, Severus! You have no idea how much I've missed being immerged within his thoughts (and can I just say how cannon he sounds?). Every Sunday for the past two months, I've seen this story pop up, and each time I'm tempted to read it from my phone but then I can't review and I don't want to do that. BUT HECK HAVE I MISSED YOU AND SNETH &hearts

Snape's perception of Lucius and his relationship with the Malfoys is so wonderfully cannon too; even though the Death Eaters send chills up my spine I think this was my favourite part of the chapter.

NOOO STAB IN THE FEELS. He knows, he remembers! Except he doesn't really, and ahkskaksj. BLAH. MY HEART IS SOBBING.

Author's Response: Val! ♥ I know I already posted on your page about this, but I can't tell you how excited I was to see you'd returned to Sneth. I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter! Writing the Malfoys, especially the pre-canon ones, was so much fun, and Lucius cropped up in ITR and BE more because of that. :3

I'm so pleased you found Severus canon, too! That's something I'm very conscious of, especially in the scenes of his where Beth isn't around. This was a neat chapter to write just because I sort of got to tap more into his canon character, which is always a nice exercise.

Thank you for reviewing!!

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Ah James why didn’t you just grab the bottle and run for it? It would have been a great plan. Though I do agree with him, that Beth may in fact want to get her own memories back. Ah imagine if she, James, Sirius, Peter and Remus all went and got them together. It would be just like old times!

I’m not surprised James gave Sirius the excuse. I would have thought being the expert prankster that he was that he would be able to come up with a much better one than that. I’m glad that they’re going to see Beth though, Sirius does need to have it out with her. Those two not being friends is almost as weird Snape and Beth not being together.

That scene when they were telling Beth about the memories was brilliant. I could just tell how much those memories where keeping Beth on with the line about the anger melting from her face, it made me aw inside about how much she loves Snape. Then there was the added bonus of her not getting made at Sirius and that they seemed to have recovered from their argument. It was just a lovely scene really and things are looking on the up for once :D

Ah I should have carried on reading as it got even better. Poor James being left out of the loop about what was really going on, and Sirius with another pathetic excuse, he really needs to work on them. When Sirius kept on knocking on the door I almost thought Beth wasn’t going to answer and then when she finally did and Sirius had this dramatic apology, it was simply brilliant! Then the hug, aw I’m just going to sit there in the loveliness, it definitely makes up for the sadness of them not getting the memories in the last chapter.

Another amazing chapter Rachel, and good luck for your finals :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: I really do think Beth should get the memories back on her own terms -- that, and if they'd gotten his memories back that afternoon at the castle, there'd be a distinct lack of plot for the upcoming chapters! ;) Don't worry, I do know where I'm going with things, I promise!

Beth's entire existence -- well, not really, but it feels like it to her -- hinges on those memories. Sarah made a really excellent point in her review (and I love how she phrased it) that Beth is really very fragile right now, and it's not fooling her friends, even if she still sees herself as strong. Severus means a lot more to her than she's ever put into words, and of course she's worried that she never will get the chance. She needs her friends right now more than ever; she couldn't stay mad at Sirius for too long. :) I'm so glad they're friends again at this point! Even in fiction, I can't stand people being mad at each other.

Thank you so much for this review! I'm sorry it's kind of a sucky response -- rest assured, I'm not any less grateful for it. ♥ Your thoughts always brighten my week, Kiana!

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"We know where they are." Sirius thought that this might have been his moment to speak, but had guessed wrong;
- I cannot un-imagine him as a dog, trying so hard to make Beth love him again after peeing all over the floor. Poor Sirius waited for James to speak first, then announced the juicy good news in hopes that positive news would rub off on himself and he'd be viewed as positive, too, but Beth is rightfully maintaining her cold shoulder. Her expression when she saw him at her door was LOL. Sirius is a brave soul for stepping into her flat after she gave him the icy gaze of doom.

By the time James had finished, Beth had raised her hands to her mouth, pressing her fingers against her lips. She looked as though she wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.
- The description of Beth here gave us a picture of the physical toll taken on her due to emotional stress. The shadows under her wide eyes, the fingers raised to her lips in a fragile sort of gesture - it brought to mind someone strong who has been kind of chipping away. Through the eyes of Sirius and James, she seems almost brittle. Through her own eyes she's much stronger, more full of fire, but I absolutely love that you've shown her from another perspective and given us an unbiased glimpse of what Beth is going through. I think she overestimates the persona of normality she's putting on. It's definitely not fooling her friends.

Sirius felt that she was doing a marvelous impersonation of Professor McGonagall at the moment.
- Sirius, I love you. I love every little thought that floats through your odd little brain.

Okay Beth is really and truly intimidating when I am not seeing the world directly through her eyes. FROM SIRIUS'S POV SHE IS LIKE ALMOST AS BAD AS DUMBLEDORE RIGHT NOW. I AM SCARED FOR HIM TO BE ALONE WITH HER, SHE MIGHT JUST KILL HIM.

dskjfkdfj ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ THEY HUGGED!!! ♥ & hearts; ♥ I am so happy that their little tiff seems to be drawing to a close. Beth really needs friends at this point, maybe even more than she realizes. I've noticed her starting to retreat into herself in these past few months, becoming much more introverted, much more closed-off. Sirius is so annoyingly persistent that he'll shake some of the old Beth out of her one way or another. I'm so pleased that he's serving his penance this way by trying to make amends. HE IS THE BEST. ♥

Three chapters left to write. D: Lucky for me, there's still plenty left to be posted!

:D

Author's Response: The kicked-puppy image literally works so well for him in this chapter, though. And the last one. SIRIUS IS JUST A PUPPY THAT'S PERPETUALLY PEED. ♥ I think that he can't stand to have people mad at him, even when he knows he royally screwed up, and maybe he's even not really that used to having people mad at him. James always put him in his place at school, but no one else ever really did, not like they needed to. It's almost humbling to have Beth as mad at him as she is; I don't think he really knows what to make of it still.

I'm so glad you pay attention to details like that. ♥ And the weird thing is -- and I don't think I was able to articulate it until you wrote me that particular paragraph about Beth's fragility behind strength -- that you see things in ways that I do not, and that is one of the things that is so gratifying about having you as a reviewer. ♥ I never explicitly think about Beth as being fragile while acting strong, but it's how I /see/ her in my head and I honestly think it's just the neatest thing that you're able to put that into words where I apparently don't, or can't. She thinks of herself as this strong, impenetrable wall, standing strong even after everything on the outside's working to break her down. But it's working, and that's what objective eyes can see.

Dude, Beth is freaking scary when she's angry at Sirius. I love her so much for it. ♥ SIRIUS IS ALL FOR YOU ALWAYS, ARE YOU GETTING TIRED OF HEARING IT YET.

You wrote about Beth up there like she was a real person. This is one of the coolest reviews you've ever, ever written to me. She seems so real when you're writing about her! ♥

Three chapters /still/ left to write because I am literally the laziest sod on the planet. But you love me anyway. :3

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UGH! The suspense is killing me! Nothing much has happened in like 3 chapters, or at least that's how it seems. I know you have your reasons for writing it this way, but it's sooo frustrating. I really love this story but we need action! I'm sorry but I had to say it. :/

I wish Beth would have held her grudge against Sirius for a little longer. Personally, I wouldn't forgive him until Severus has his memories back...and that could be awhile from now.

Anyways, I still love you and your story, so keep it up!

Author's Response: Ooh, but the boys got into Hogwarts -- that's something, at least! I know that it's not all running from bad guys and explosions and defying curses and the like, but sometimes life's a bit boring, wouldn't you agree? ;) Slow and steady does win the race, after all!

Beth definitely hasn't 100% forgiven him, but she needs her friends at this time in her life. If she pushes them away, then she'll really have nothing, and even though she's pretty strong I'm not sure if she's strong enough to make it on her own. The Marauders are sort of her support right now. And poor Sirius did just want to help!

Thank you for reviewing! ♥ I'm very much hoping to see you back this coming Sunday!

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WOAH..
darn you Dumbledore! Really great, can't wait until chapter twelve!
1o0/10

Author's Response: Thanks so much for taking the time to review! :) It's so wonderful to see you're continuing to read. Chapter 12 will be posted rather promptly tomorrow, and I hope you'll return for it! ♥

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He beamed and waved the tips of his fingers at her
MOST ADORABLE GESTURE EVER.

BAGH. And it was all for naught. I feared as much, from the snippets I've wrestled out of you. But scouting Dumbledore's office and finding the exact location of Severus's memories makes all their effort worth it! Unless all the Headmaster portraits go blabbing to Dumbledore about what they said while they were knocking things around. Somehow I don't think Dumbledore would need to be told. He's a wise one, that Dumbles. Maybe he knew Sirius and James were coming and purposefully delayed coming into his office just to give them a head-start? Maybe he's in agreement that the memories should be restored for whatever reason?

???

James and Sirius are so brave! ♥ I have this image in my head of Sirius piddling around Beth in circles, trying to earn her forgiveness without outright asking for it, and oh my god all I can think about is a dog who's knocked over the trash can and lowers his head when the owner walks in and finds the dog wearing a pizza box as a hat.

I love James's queasiness in regards to McGonagall. She's just one of those people who command authority over others who are middle-aged. You could be grown up with children of your own and when she turns her eyes on you, you reply in quick, concise language. She's kind of more intimidating than Dumbledore, really. I can't imagine her ever getting points docked for her House while she was in school. /end rambliness.

Why was this chapter so shooort. D: I want to see more stuff. I want to see what Dumbledore knows. WHAT DOES DUMBLEDORE KNOW. I'm curious to find out what people like Moody and McGonagall think of Beth nowadays. I know Moody's suspicious, but is anyone else? People on the Order's fringe? You know, Beth's outward behavior is so distracting that it's no wonder no one's noticed Peter. He must be grateful everyone is so concerned/suspicious where Beth is concerned. Takes some of the pressure off just in case he screws up every now and then.

MOAR PLZ. ♥

Author's Response: ALL SIRIUS IS FOR YOU. ♥ He says silly adorable things and makes silly adorable hand gestures because of you, and let it never be forgotten. I feel like if I hadn't read your Sirius he'd be all broody and sullen all the time, and there is absolutely no fun in that. I like how events worked out much better.

All for naught, sans the fact that they know the memories DO exist -- which is something! And it's very true that Dumbledore always seems to know much more than he lets on. He sees all. And there's actually a very good point you made that goes along with something that is said in the second-to-last chapter... and I can see you itching for more information. IT SHALL NOT BE GIVEN.

Oh my goodness, I have just realized that Sirius is essentially a dog in how he's acting right now. For real. "I peed on the carpet so now I'm going to do everything you tell me to do for the next few hours so you will love me again." It is perfect.

YOU'LL NEVER GET ME TO SPILL THE BEANS AHEAD OF TIME. (The previous statement is a blatant falsehood.) More is coming your way quite quickly, never fear!

You are just the best. ♥

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I was going to review this last night, then I realised I had nearly hit my 500th review and decided that this should be my 500th instead :D

Eek this mission and they’re back out Hogwarts! Ah it’s so exciting, I almost don’t want to carry on reading in case something bad happens :D I really loved seeing all the students revising, as that’s what I’m meant to be doing, but it gives me hope that it will be over one day. It also showed how much James and Sirius have changed from being students at Hogwarts. They used to be so immature and no one thought that James would end up with Lily, and look at them now!

Aw it’s making me all nostalgic now! I just want them to go back to Hogwarts where they were protected from everything and nothing evil happened. Then again, all the great Sneth drama happened outside of school and there would be no story if James and Lily were safe and didn’t die! I forgot to say that I got so annoyed with Sneth being underlined when I was typing reviews, it’s now been immortalised on my Word dictionary :P

I really like the addition of Toby, there’s always that weird person at school who never seems to leave you alone! Ok no need to feel nostalgic, they are back at Hogwarts with the way McGonagall was shouting at them! I honestly thought that they would be experts by now and would have brought along the map and cloak. They never learn.

I really loved Sirius’ rapport with Minnie though, it was so him and exactly how I imagined their relationship to be! Good old Minnie letting them know the passwords. I really love how you showed that she had a soft spot for them, as you could really sense she did when she was talking about them in the PoA. The way James was with Fawkes really reminded me of how Harry was with him. It’s so weird to think how similar they both are, yet they never really each other.

This is definitely quote of the chapter – ‘“And they call this brief… I weigh less than this.” He let the book fall to the floor with a loud smack, and James winced.’ Wub it was so Sirius, I don’t think much else could top it.

Rachel how could you do that to me? Why? Why? Why? I could go on repeating that forever :( I was getting so excited that they were going to retrieve the memories and that they would save Beth and everything would be great again, and then Dumbledore (who was great btw!) had to come along and ruin everything. This is almost as bad as Snape getting rid of memories, and I didn’t think anything would quite match that. All I’m hoping is that they decide to come back with proper planning. Honestly, if they had brought the cloak and the map they would have managed!

Hope really is a recurring throughout this story, yet my hope keeps on getting dashed. I guess I should put myself in Beth’s shoes, as she has a lot worse off than me. At least I can prepare myself for things like James and Lily’s death and Sirius’ death she’s just left in the unknown. Unless she dies first… All these questions without answers! Anyhow it was great chapter, even if that incident at the end had to happen!

-Kiana

Author's Response: I'm very honored to be your 500th review! ♥ I loved writing this chapter -- putting the boys back in the Hogwarts setting them and enclosing them, however briefly, in that safe little bubble was such a nice thing to do after all the dark turns Sneth's taken since they've been here last. It's a trip down memory lane as well as a reprieve from death and depression, and I need to go back to the days when my stories were all set in Hogwarts. Such fun!

That bit of Sirius/McGonagall dialogue is my favorite part of this whole chapter -- no, scratch that! Basically everything Sirius says is my favorite, and I think it reverts back to the lightness of Hogwarts, like I just said. Everything's less serious and more sun-colored when I write Hogwarts chapters, and that allows Sirius to be a little looser and goofier. Like that quote about the book heaviness! :D I really miss silly Sirius.

Don't worry -- there's a reason they couldn't fetch the memory bottle! I promise you, everything works out in the end. ;) There is much more planning and preparing in store, that I can most certainly promise you. Keep in mind that last sentence of your second-to-last paragraph, and just hold it there...

I can't give any of your questions answers, but I want to so badly! :P I'll just placate myself with the knowledge that you are a wonderful reviewer and that I hope you'll keep returning to see how everything pans out. Thank you so much! ♥

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I am so scared!
I'm a little bit skeptical at the Marauder's attempts to find Sev's memories of Beth and give them back. I know if anyone can it will be them but I feel like Sev should explore it for himself as he has already started to.
I cannot wait to read what happens.
As always brilliant chapter and my favourite Snape/OC story by far.

Magic xx

Author's Response: I'm under the impression that the memory search won't go quite as anyone's anticipating, if past reviews are any judge, so you'll have to wait and see what goes down there! ;) If it does help, remember that they have no way to restore them -- yet... Severus will be able to do a bit more mental digging, definitely.

I'm absolutely flattered that this is your favorite Snape/OC. ♥ That truly means so much to me, and especially because not a whole lot of people write them! I never set out for popularity, but the reaction to these books has been unexpectedly amazing. I am very grateful to all of you for making Sneth what it is!

Thanks so much for reviewing -- it was lovely to see you back here again! I'm already eager to hear your further thoughts, too!

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ohh.. the plot thickens indeed. this plots taking a while to get anywhere, it's been how many chapters now since they've been planning to restore Severus' memories? I WANT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS ahaha I'm just so impatient. I was really feeling Sirius' frustration at not being able to do anything because I want something big to happen! I know it's going to happen soon, I can feel it! they're either going to screw everything up or ignite a huge passionate romance ahahaha either way, im excited! :D

yay for updates, looking forward to the next as always:))

I'd also like to say how happy your replies to my reviews make me, you're so invested in your characters and adorable omg

Author's Response: I can't grant everything in ten chapters, of course -- I promise you, this is all written for a reason! It's going somewhere, never fear. Even thinking about restoring memories is a big job! Something is going to happen soon, although it may not be quite what you're thinking. ;) Everything works itself out, for better or worse, in time!

I'm very invested in my characters. ♥ And in my reviewers! You guys are what keeps me writing, for sure, and this set of books has essentially changed my writing forever. Which is cheesy -- but also very true!

Thank you so much for reviewing again. :D I hope you'll return to see what I've got in store for you next!

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I really liked how showed tension between Alice and Frank, like you did with Lily and James, it really irks me when I see a couple permanently happy as everyone knows that’s not a true depiction of real life. I was cheering girl power at Alice for when she told Frank off, for claiming that Neville was just her responsibility, as girls don’t always get the best portrayal.

I don’t know why but I really enjoyed seeing Sirius interact with Frank and Alice, I think it’s because we so rarely see them together, so it was nice to see the dynamics. On a sadder note, I realised that Alice’s complaints were rather like Tonks’ about the battle, is this subtle foreshadowing that the attack on them is coming up soon. Then that brings in the question of what happens to Beth, please make this go AU, and let her and Snape get married and being all cutesy.

See even Sirius is beginning to miss Beth, with her not being able to go on the mission anymore. Aw now I’m feeling sorry for Sirius, as his life isn’t that great either, and from now on it’s on a downward trajectory. Why are you making me have all these feels, Rachel? They aren’t nice :’(

The plot thickens with them going to that place where Snape, Sirius and Beth had that altercation, then her name popping up, and Sirius doing something weird to himself. Well, that bit about Sirius isn’t that strange, as he’s usually weird, but the rest of it is intriguing. All the things they may want her for, to force her to the other side, to kill her or perhaps they know about her and Snape.

James is so mature now, and I’m still not used to it. Before, he would be jumping for joy at Sirius’ plan and couldn’t wait to break into Hogwarts, now he’s more cautious, and you can almost sense Sirius’ disappointment at it. Oh well, I can’t wait for the break in, it’s going to be great!

Only twenty chapters left, it seems like a lot then I can hardly believe we’re already on chapter ten. I hope there’s a lot more Sneth scenes before the end of it! Another great chapter :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Oh, couples are NEVER 100% happy -- not even Arthur and Molly Weasley. And I have no earthly clue why people always write them like they are! They fight, just like normal human beings. I'm just very glad you see that, too. I'm a mini-feminist, so having Alice snap at Frank was a bit of self-indulgence! (But I did make the Alice/Tonks parallel too... Yikes.)

Maybe his life isn't a full downward trajectory -- don't lose hope, Kiana! :3 There are low points to this story, but I try and intersperse them with high ones, and not all is yet lost for dear Sirius. His planning on going to Hogwarts with James is largely because he wants to win Beth's forgiveness, and he knows that actions speak louder than words. But I am giving you virtual chocolate for your poor feels. ♥

Beth's name popped up? ;)

I have always thought that -- especially after marriage -- James would have been a bit more mature than Sirius, but it's still sort of weird to write him as no-pranks, if that makes sense. You'll see that bit in the next chapter, though!

I agree with you completely: Twenty chapters seems like a lot... and then not very many at all. I'm not giving away what's in those chapters, though! ♥ Thank you so much for reviewing as always!

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Have not read a single line except for the chapter title, and right off the bat IS THIS FROM SEVERUS'S POV, BECAUSE I NOTICE IT'S HER LAST NAME AND NOT HER FIRST NAME, AND THAT SEEMS A LITTLE SEVERUS-WITHOUT-HIS-MEMORIES WHILE HE STUDIES HER FROM AFAR. (or perhaps not from afar. -gasp-hyperventilate-excitement) !!!

Well, you go right ahead and crawl into that gutter for several years, Mr. Black. (And I will come with you.)

Oh my goodness, what is going on. Is that Severus. What if one of them is Beth and she's disguised in a cloak and she and Severus have secretly already recovered his memories. Okay I know this cannot be true but you can't blame me.

OMG THEY'RE GOING TO KILL BETH.

What. Was that really Severus? What. Maybe he's going to have her followed. Maybe he thinks she tampered with his memory. Maybe he thinks the Order got one over on him.

Maybe there was a Death Eater called Bridger...

A-HA! I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. !!!

Sirius's unwillingness to admit to James that he was the reason Beth and Severus were found out makes me distinctly uncomfortable. I understand why he's embarrassed, why he would prefer for no one else to find out, but...it's this sort of secrecy that becomes ammunition for his own condemnation when it comes to light that the Potters were betrayed. He had also betrayed Beth, and to Beth it might not seem that far-fetched for Sirius to have done the same to James and Lily. After all, he was pretty good at hiding what he'd done. It would make him look all the more damning, make him look all the more capable of being a traitor. And my heart just dropped into my stomach when I thought - what if Beth doesn't forgive Sirius? What if they don't make amends before Lily and James die? Beth will walk away thinking that she never knew him at all.

And you know, it really is a wonder that Peter wasn't tempted to "discover" the Death Eaters' headquarters so that he would get credit from the Order for actually being useful. His yearning for recognition seems to be dwarfed by his yearning for protection, I see. Ugh. You know, I would be totally okay if you went super AU and turned him into owl food.

Eeep! They're just going to go for it! James and Sirius are very nervy. And if I'm not mistaken, I think quite a lot of Sirius's motivation to get those memories stems from the desire to earn Beth's forgiveness. He may not be that good with words and apologies, but when it comes to actions you're always able to show us how big his heart is. ♥ I love Sirius so much, even when he's being an interfering little trout. He is just always the best.

Sometimes I think about how unfair it was that he never had a trial and I wonder why he didn't tell everyone about Peter, and allow them to give him Veritaserum so that he'd have some proof, and then I remember that my willpower cannot change canon and I get frustrated. WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM IS JUST NOT FAIR. :'(

SAME TIME NEXT WEEK, OKAY. OR, YOU KNOW, A LITTLE EARLIER WOULDN'T HURT. :D

Author's Response: Fair warning: This response is going to be lousy. BUT YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. ♥ There's more here than meets the eye! Sirius just happened to be in the right place at the right time, overhearing all this information...

He's kind of a little snot, though -- cowardly, for sure. He is a very rose-colored glasses type of man in that he likes to pretend that everything is fine, that the war's not so bad, that tensions aren't high among the Order and among his friends as well. I think if Sirius could get out of telling people he made mistakes, he would -- and yet you're absolutely right in that that was what sort of destroyed him in the end. He obviously didn't tell anybody else about his suspicions regarding Peter, and it makes me wonder why. NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE ESPIONAGE AND RIDDLES.

Let's be real -- there are a lot of holes in the Marauder era of things, and the less I think about them, the less headaches I have. ♥

You are very right about Sirius's motivations to reclaim Severus's memories, too! If he didn't see something good out of it -- namely winning Beth back to his side -- I don't think he'd do it. One must remember that he essentially thinks Severus is lower than scum, but he is (slowly) reaching a James-like point where he's putting Beth's mental health before his own schoolboy grudges. Actions always speak louder than words.

Someday I will write a Sirius/Sarah AU and he'll have no worries ever, and you can feed him grapes and dance to 80's music together, and the world will be sunshine and roses. ♥

YOU'RE THE BEST.

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Sorry I'm late getting to this chapter.

Okay, I still don't like Timothy and he still reminds me of someone! I know he's not an evil guy (or if he is, you aren't really hinting at it, yet), but he seems kind of into himself. And overconfident about Beth's feelings for him.

As always, you capture that first date feeling so well. This is sooo real and the kind of detail that makes your story so good: "she naturally fell into step beside him, suddenly quite conscious of every step she too, every sound she made that she was never aware of making before".

Oh and poor Sirius! I mean, he did really pretty much ruin her life when she put it this way: "I can’t do mission work anymore. Nobody trusts me, Severus is gone – he doesn’t remember who I am. He had his memories of me erased because of you.” But I hate to see him down and I hate to see their friendship in tatters. Beth needs him, you know. Now he should be really motivated to get Sev's memories back!

Author's Response: Absolutely no apologies necessary, Ardeith. :) I'm beyond pleased you've stuck with me this long in the first place!

Timothy is largely /based/ on someone, so that actually doesn't surprise me -- he's painted a bit with a suspicious brush! I can't say what he turns into, as far as this story is concerned, or if he turns into anything, but what you said about his overconfidence is probably very, very accurate.

I have experienced that first-date feeling first hand, being so aware of how you move and how you function when you've never noticed it before. It's scary! And poor Beth, having to go through that. ♥

Poor Sirius indeed -- all his former actions aside, he still got punched in the face, and that sucks no matter what you've done to deserve it! (Unless you're a heinous criminal or something, really.) But their friendship is in tatters, and I agree with you: I don't like it. :( But it is more motivation to help Beth out!

Ah, your reviews. They are always so, so nice, and I do hope you know how much I sincerely appreciate them. It's so nice just to hear from you every week and know you're doing all right, and your compliments are always lovely! ♥ Thank you, Ardeith!

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oh my god I can't believe I'm only reading this now, when I could have read it four days ago! argh! I'm setting a reminder from now on >< I'm still amazed at how amazing you are, regular updates are like banana pancakes with cinnamon, you make me so happy :)

but then, omg Bethy! what the hell!? she fully bashed him up hahahah! he totally had it coming, the stupid idiotc I have little sympathy for him at this point. as for Timothy Parrish, WOOO GO BETH!! You run girl, run away from that stupid guy. thinks he's so hot. pssht. her state of mind makes a lot of sense right now. the whole chapters certainly been a lot more interesting than the last few! bethys getting herself worked up now! although whether that puts we on the path to moving on/getting better or spiraling into even worse depressing depression is yet to be seen.

Can't wait yay

btw I'm feeling slightly pressured to write somewhat decent reviews, considering all your other reviewers write bloody language analysis essays. what even! you're a lucky author I guess!

Author's Response: Haha! Oh, no worries. ♥ I'm so excited you came back in the first place! But yes, updates will come out sometime every Sunday (or Monday, depending on your time zone -- I'm in the United States), so you can nearly set your watch by it. ;) Regular updating is very important to me, because I want to create a sort of bond of trust with my readers.

Sirius very much had it coming, and yet I still feel sort of bad for him, the poor guy -- she punched him in the face! I feel bad for Beth too, actually, because she is so awkward in that scene with Timothy. It's so drawn from my own life it's almost embarrassing, but there you have it.

Aww, you still think she's depressed! :D Maybe a little, but almost more... grieving, I think? That's a good word for it. She is going to get better, though, and I ask again that you don't give up on her!

Oh my goodness, please don't feel any reviewing pressure, either! I'm so, so happy that you're choosing to review at all, and it honestly makes my day that you do. I'm very blessed to have a lot of reviewers who leave long reviews, and I think it's fantastic, but ANY review is fantastic no matter how long.

So honestly -- thank you so, so much for reviewing! I can't wait to see what you think of future chapters, too! :)

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