Reading Reviews for Reckless Abandonment
  
21 Reviews Found

Review #1, by CambAngst Where Do We Go From Here

23rd July 2013:
That... was hard to read. I don't know why, but I was expecting this story to be longer. I was expecting Lydia and Sirius to have more of a chance before something awful happened. I knew that there wasn't going to be a happy ending to this. That just wasn't possible. But I wasn't expecting their time together to end so abruptly. I think it says a lot about how much of a connection you created with these two characters that the ending evokes such a sense of loss and feels so unfinished to me. Dang it, I wanted more! ;)

The pain that Sirius was suffering through was palpable as I read the start of this chapter. He knows that he should have been more careful. That he should have known that the Death Eaters would use Lydia to get to him. But he was too caught up in the moment. No matter what James says, he isn't going to stop blaming himself.

James was really well written. He was a good friend to Sirius, but you didn't overdo it and have Sirius crying all over his shoulder. I also liked their conversation about Remus and Peter, even if it did make me really sad. The cowardly, back-stabbing rat was clearly doing a good job of throwing suspicion off of himself and onto a more convenient target. Grrr...

I noticed one small typo near the beginning:

After much deliberation she had brought him to watch Indiana Jones in the end, even though it wasnít particularly her kind of film; s much preferred a good comedy or romance herself. -- film; she much preferred

Lauren, you did a great job with this story, start to finish. It was poignant, emotional, beautifully written and very gripping. Thanks for an awesome read!

Author's Response: Hi Dan.

Oh I'm feeling all guilty now for being so cruel and cutting their time so short but it was how it had to be. This was a Les Mis challenge after all.

I can't tell you how much I appreciated your comment about wanting more and how you felt I had created a good connection between them. Even though it was so short I really wanted to do it justice and that comment made me so so happy so thank you.

I knew it would be James who was there for Sirius but once again I was really happy you felt their exchange was believable and not over done. They're best friends but I couldn't see them crying over each others shoulders etc like you said.

I'm glad you picked up on the whole Peter/Remus part. That part just fell into place and I was so happy it did. I liked being able bring in that small bit of canon.

Again - thank you for the typo! I'm rubbish at spotting them once I feel a story is done.

Dan - thank you so much for all three of these lovely reviews. I've loved reading each one and the comments and CC has been really helpful so thank you!

Lauren :)


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Review #2, by CambAngst Before I Fall To Pieces

19th July 2013:
Lauren! I'm back!

Poor Sirius and Lydia didn't get much of a honeymoon, did they? I love that you dropped us right into the thick of the action almost right away. One chapter to establish who's who and how the romance came to be and then -- BANG! -- right into the thick of things.

Lydia's whole thought process on figuring out whether she wanted to be in a relationship with a wizard was nicely done. It was one of those classic situations where logical brain and heart were in conflict, so heart resorts to fighting dirty. The physical reaction she has to recalling his appearance and his mannerisms was really what sold it for me.

It seems like love is making Sirius's brain a little soft. The way that he knows he's being watched because of his run-in with Regulus, yet he never really makes the connection with Lydia and her safety is a bad sign for both of them. They're going to have to be a lot more careful if they're both going to survive this. Well, we know that Sirius survives it, but I'd like to imagine that they both do, somehow.

Bellatrix! It's everyone's favorite mentally unstable dark witch, in all her terrifying glory. I'm a sucker for a well-written Bellatrix and this is pretty darn good. She's so creepy! The entire scene in Lydia's bedroom gave me chills. I was on the edge of my seat until Sirius was able to apparate them away.

This was a pretty long chapter and I only saw a couple of typos, so kudos for your editing!

'How dare you!' Bellatrix screamed, brandishing her wand like a whip and slicing Sirius's cheek open who laughed despite the pain. -- "who laughed despite the pain" sounds really awkward dangling on the end of this sentence. I'd probably put a full stop after "open" and make a new sentence along the lines of, "He laughed in spite of the pain."

ĎWhere are the Potterís, Black?í she demanded. -- should be Potters, without an apostrophe.

Aside from that, I thought it was a little strange that Bellatrix would refer to Sirius as "Black" since that's her own family name. I'm sure she didn't grow up calling him that, since every person in the room probably would have turned their head.

Great chapter! This was so edgy and past a certain point you would have needed to drag me away from my computer to make me stop reading. Even then, there's still my phone. ;)

Author's Response: Hi again!

Wow - you're seriously spoiling me with all these reviews! Thank you so much.

Haha yeah - they didn't get much time. I do kind of feel bad about that but it felt necessary for what the story was for.

I'm glad you enjoyed Lydia's little battle with herself. I feel there was only ever one option but it was fun to explore how she would have thought it out and eventually came to the inevitable.

Haha just to quote your review, I loved this: "Bellatrix! It's everyone's favorite mentally unstable dark witch" I do love Bellatrix. You have to love to hate her I think. She's too much of an awesome baddie.

Thank you for pointing out the two typos. Both have been noted and will be taken care of in due course. Once again you've made an excellent point and I will look into how Bella address's Sirius. I always forget Bella was a Black - even though I know her and Sirius are cousins.

Thank you once again for stopping by and leaving your thoughts and for your CC. I can't tell you how much it's appreciated!

Lauren :)


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Review #3, by CambAngst Confessions

17th July 2013:
Hi, Lauren!

I swear I think I've read this before. Please forgive me, I obviously neglected to review it! I shall make up for it now.

I love the idea and I love the setting you've created. Sirius dating a muggle has always worked perfectly in my mind. Not that this would be his only reason, but it's the ultimate act of rebellion against his horrible family. Also, his name carries such a stigma in the magical world. He must find himself constantly having to explain that he's not one of those Blacks who see themselves as pureblooded magical royalty walking among the common riffraff. Dating a muggle would seem to be such a relief.

But, there's the small problem of explaining what he does for a living and why he disappears for days or weeks at a time. I liked the fact that you tackled the issue head-on in your introductory chapter. Sirius starts off by lying to her -- it's a harsh-sounding word, but the basic reality is that a witch or wizard really has no choice until they're sure they can trust the person -- and when the time is right, he comes clean. You didn't make Lydia's reaction too extreme, either, which I thought was a good call. It's a lot to try to absorb, and I thought she came across as being appropriately stunned and overwhelmed.

Lydia was a really solid character. She was intelligent, perceptive, mature and well balanced. She reacted more or less exactly the way I'd expect a young muggle woman to react to her strange, new acquaintances. There wasn't anything caricatured or artificial-sounding about her. I'm looking forward to seeing what she makes of the larger magical world.

The only suggestion I can really offer would be to tone down Sirius's enthusiasm a little after he makes the big revelation. Something about the way that he was so exuberant and sort of flaunting his magic for her didn't feel quite right. One minute he's so worried that she wouldn't take his secret well and the next he's grinning ear to ear, casting spells and turning into a dog. It just felt like too much, too fast.

I saw one itty-bitty typo: 'Pads your just impossible sometimes. Youíre worse than a child,' Prongs sighed, -- you're just impossible

Great job!

Author's Response: Hi Dan!

Oh that's okay - I appreciate you leaving a review now! I am so so sorry for how long it's taken me to respond to all these lovely reviews you've left me. I've tried so many times and just end up turning into a pile of mush and saying thank you over and over again! I'll try and actually articulate something though :)

I completely agree - even though it's not his only reason I can just imagine Sirius loving being able to tell his mother he's dating a muggle! One more thing to prove how different he is to them.

I'm really happy you like Lydia! I was really nervous about writing her but you're reactions to her were what I was hoping for so you made me both really happy and really relieved!

You make a good point about Sirius's enthusiasm. It's hard not to get carried away with him but I think you're right and it's definitely something I will look into changing - thank you.

Ahh, thank you for pointing that out to - I've got a couple I need to sort so I will add it to my to do list.

Dan thank you so much for this review - it really made my day! Apologies again for the lateness of the response.

Lauren :)


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Review #4, by ShadowRose Where Do We Go From Here

16th July 2013:
Hi Lauren - I just realised that I never actually reviewed this last chapter!

Oh my gosh, this is just so heartbreaking. I love that you've woven the memory of them taking those pictures into the chapter, because it really makes a stark reminder that she's really gone.

Sirius's grief was just - argh, I felt so horrible for him. It was realistic though, in that he felt guilty about it and blamed James for a moment and went through stages in that short span of time. That's definitely a human-like thing to do, and it adds life to his character.

The interaction between James and Sirius is good too, because you can see how much James cares about Sirius. I like that you've put in that Sirius wants Peter to be the Secret-Keeper because of what happened - it seems realistic and adds an explanation behind something that happened in canon, and I really love when writers do things like that. :)

The description in here was great, and the whole thing was so full of emotion. I think you did a great job with your quote as well!

So overall, I'm so happy I got to review this story - it really was fantastic!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

Author's Response: Hi Taylor!

Don't panic, it's fine!

Trust me, the chapter was heartbreaking to write! I'm glad the memory worked well for you - I didn't just want her to be completely gone in this chapter.

I love writing James and Sirius it was just sad to have to write them in this situation. Thank you about the thing with Peter! It seemed to fit well so I'm glad you liked it.

Thank you so so much for the lovely review! I'm a pile of mush reading it!

Lauren :)


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Review #5, by nott theodore Where Do We Go From Here

26th June 2013:
Lauren, you've managed to break my heart with this chapter!

I think the flashback at the start was really effective to begin the chapter - although the ending of the last chapter did make me suspect that Lydia was dead, this opening gave me the chance to forget what happened with Bellatrix and Lydia and let me pretend that everything was alright for them. Everything seemed so carefree and innocent in the flashback, and Sirius and Lydia were just a young couple having fun. It made me so sad to read about what happens afterwards!

I really loved the use of the photobooth pictures, because I remember them being briefly mentioned in the last chapter so it was great to see that developed here. The two were so sweet together and although Sirius was reluctant at first, I'm so glad that he agreed to have their photos taken and that he did have some tangible reminders of their time together.

I can't tell you how glad I am that James was there for Sirius when he needed him. It was just so sad to see Sirius grieving over this wonderful thing that he'd had and this person he'd loved and lost, and I would have been even more devastated about Lydia's death. The way I imagine them to be as friends, James couldn't not have been there for Sirius. It was heartbreaking to kind of see the confirmation that Lydia did actually die, though.

I meant to mention this in my review of the last chapter, but I loved that you hinted then at Sirius beginning to suspect Remus of being a traitor. The way that this tied in with Sirius not being the secret keeper for the Potters. I think it's very easy for people to write that switch as Sirius just coming up with the good idea as a ruse, rather than there being a concrete reason that caused it. Another aspect I liked was the way that both Sirius and Peter had noticed information being leaked where Remus is concerned; I can imagine that Peter encouraged the idea in Sirius when it was mentioned, and maybe even doing his best to make it seem like Remus is the traitor. It's really horrible. And I also get the idea, when Sirius talks about how he can be a decoy, that there's a part of him which doesn't care so much if he does die at the hands of the Death Eaters because of it, both because he'll be protecting those he loves, which he wasn't able to do for Lydia, and because Lydia isn't there any more and he feels responsible and guilty.

This is such a bittersweet and heartbreaking short story, and I've really enjoyed reading it. The ending was perfect, really poignant, and I probably wouldn't even have known that it was a quote if it hadn't been for the asterisk marking it out. I've really enjoyed reading the story, and I'm so pleased we got paired together for the exchange!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi Sian!

Oh - I'm really sorry!

I'm glad you enjoyed the flashback with the photobooth. I was worried it would seem to out of place or something but I'm happy to hear it wasn't. I didn't want to start the story all doom and gloom.

I couldn't have Sirius deal with this all himself. Lets face it - he wouldn't have done a very good job! It was nice to be able to allow James to be there for Sirius and I like to think it would have really helped him through.

I'm glad you picked up on the whole "lets believe Remus is the traiter" thing Peter has going with Sirius! It didn't originally start as part of the story but I was pleased with how it turned out in the end so thank you for picking this up!

Thank you so much Sian for three amazing reviews. They've made me so happy to read and I just can't thank you enough for spending the time to write down your thoughts and leave a review. I really appreciate it.

Lauren :)


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Review #6, by nott theodore Before I Fall To Pieces

20th June 2013:
Hi Lauren, back again for the second chapter!

I really liked the opening of this chapter. The way that Lydia was suddenly suspicious of everyone and everything new that she encountered was extremely realistic - of course you would find yourself questioning all sorts of different aspects of life after a revelation like that. It must be so overwhelming for her, and I thought that you wrote her reactions in a very believable way.

I'm so happy that Lydia decided that she wanted to stick with Sirius and try and make it work! They really are such a cute couple and you had me rooting for them so much after the first chapter of this story. The little details that you included, like the photos from the photo booth, helped to build up a solid background to their relationship. I could easily imagine Sirius being confused by the fact that they didn't move. While he seems to be more comfortable in the Muggle world than Lydia is in the wizarding one (after all, she only just found out about it), there is still proof that he doesn't completely belong there, like his ignorance of Romeo and Juliet. It shows the differences between the two of them well.

I liked Lydia's uneasiness and amazement when she started using the two-way mirror. It reminded me a bit of Skype, actually - I wonder if modern Muggles would be so amazed by it? It was actually really refreshing to see Sirius feeling insecure, but it's clear that's what his feelings for Lydia have done to him. Another aspect I liked was the way he realised why James had acted so lovesick, and made a mental note not to let his best friend know how badly lovesick he was.

Okay, I definitely wasn't expecting Bellatrix to appear! I might have liked a bit more build-up to her appearance, because she's obviously been following Sirius for some time, but apart from that it was a really effective twist. I thought your characterisation of her was great, too. The torture, the pleasure she takes from it, even the voice - they all portrayed the crazy character we now and love/hate really well.

I felt so sorry for Lydia here, even more than Sirius, who at least knew what was happening. But Lydia doesn't know who Bellatrix is, why she's there, or anything about the Imperius Curse, so she must be totally bewildered and completely terrified about what's happening. The carving of 'filth' is so horrible, but definitely something that I can picture Bellatrix doing. I really feel for Sirius too, since he feels to blame for exposing Lydia to the danger.

I hope Lydia isn't dead, I really do. But I have a suspicion that she is, because we know that Sirius doesn't end up with anyone and this is inspired by Les Mis (which includes a lot of death). I think she'll probably either die or be so terrified by what's happened that she decides she can't risk continuing the relationship...either way, I think you're going to make me very sad!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi Sian ♥

Ahh thank you! To be honest I considered her reactions lots of different ways and this is the only one that sat right with me in the end. It's the only way I could imagine someone dealing with that kind of news.

You make a very good point - I don't know if we would be as amazed by it. I guess the lack of camera and electronics would be pretty mind blowing but the concept isn't so far out anymore. Interesting.

I think you are right with the perhaps needing more build up to Bella's appearance. There was some more that got edited out and I think because I still knew about it in my head I forgot how much of a jump it is for the reader. Thank you for pointing it out though - I will look to improve it in the future.

I felt so cruel all the way through writing this. I felt like it was me being mean! Well I suppose it kind of was but I'm glad the horror of it came through.

Oh I don't want to make you all sad Sian. I'd maybe say stop reading but I know it's too late...

Thanks again for leaving me so lovely reviews!

Lauren :)


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Review #7, by nott theodore Confessions

18th June 2013:
Hey Lauren! I'm here for the Gryffie review exchange :)

It's been so long since I read a Sirius/OC story, and I don't think I've ever read a Marauders short story before so I'm really excited to be paired with you for this!

It's quite unusual for a romance story to start with the couple already together, so I already like this story just for that. It's really refreshing, actually. I thought the way that you showed the progression in their relationship well through the flashbacks, which were just the right length and fitted so well with the rest of the story. The switch in perspectives can be quite awkward but it flowed here and worked for this chapter.

I think your characterisation of all the canon characters is pretty much spot on. Sirius was cocky and playful, but I liked the fact that Lydia could notice the effects of the war on both him and James, even though she doesn't know about the war. Sirius' feelings for his friends were clear too - the way that he loved James and Lily, and how much he cared about Harry.

The friendship between James and Sirius was pretty much perfect. You wrote the way they interact really well. Some of my favourite Marauders scenes are those when they're just relaxing with their friends and spending time together, and I thought you got their playfulness and banter completely right.

I love Lydia! She already seems like a really strong OC and the fact that she said no to Sirius straight away and continued to do so made me like her so much. I can understand why Sirius would take that as a challenge and I really like the way you write their relationship; they seem to get on really well and know each other, like Lydia knows that Sirius is hiding something from her but hasn't pushed the point yet. It seems realistic to me.

Sirius telling her that he was a magician on their first date is brilliant! Why have I never seen that in another story? It would make so much sense and be a lot easier for the witch or wizard concerned to talk about what they do! Another thing I really liked was the obvious animation and excitement when Sirius finally told Lydia about magic, and the fact that he was sharing his world with her at last.

I thought that the development in Sirius' feelings was really well done. There were hints and changes in his attitude, like the way he gradually became more concerned about her safety and put protective charms up, which the reader could pick up on but Sirius obviously didn't, since it hit him at the end of this chapter. I've always imagined that he would find it hard to open up and accept a relationship but I'm rooting for these two so much now!

As for CC, I would recommend that you just go back and read over this again for a few typos, but it's nothing really major.
I also think that you mean 'reverie' here "pulling her out of her revoir" instead of revoir.

I really enjoyed reading this and I'm going to carry on with the rest of it when I get a chance!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Sian! I am so so sorry for how long it's taken me to respond to all these lovely reviews you've left me. I've tried so many times and just end up turning into a pile of mush and saying thank you over and over again! I'll try and actually articulate something though :)

This story was very much about the relationship between Sirius and Lydia so I didn't want to do all the building up stuff but I did feel you needed something to (hopefully) invest in them as a couple. I'm so glad the flashbacks weren't out of place though - I did worry about that!

Oh my gosh I love James and Sirius banter! I love reading it so much and I actually had a lot of fun writing it too so I'm glad it came across well!

Haha I'm glad you like Lydia and her spark. I'm sure Sirius got bored with girls falling at his feet so Lydia had to have something that set her apart.

I don't even know where the magician thing came from but I'm so happy with how it came off. I just kept thinking what he could say and that's the only thing that came to mind. I'm glad you liked it.

Oh - I did! Thank you for pointing that out. I really need to go back and change it.

Sian thank you so much for this review and apolagies for the response. I'm just so amazed that I don't know how to respond!

Lauren :)


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Review #8, by ShadowRose Before I Fall To Pieces

28th May 2013:
Hi Lauren, I'm back again! :)

I love Lydia's thought process at the start of this chapter. It's really realistic that this discovery of magic would really make her question everything she knows, and you really portray that well. I am happy that she eventually chose to stay with Sirius, though! :)

I like their mirror conversation, although I don't quite know why it was written as a flashback. Personally, I think it would have had more impact if it was written in present time, just because it's easier for the reader to get into.

Yes! I feel accomplished for having guessed what happened to James and Lily. I knew it wasn't their murder because it seemed too soon for that, but it had to involve Voldemort somehow. :)

I couldn't help but laugh at this line: "Although, I'm looking for a boyfriend, not a pet." That was just so perfect, considering she was most creeped out about Sirius's Animagus abilities.

I love the part when Sirius is at the store with Lydia, because it's so cute and fluffy, and kind of lets the reader relax down their guard a little, which works out well considering what comes next.

Oh gosh, I knew from the moment that Bellatrix stepped into the picture that this wasn't going to be pretty. Bellatrix's character was perfect in this story. She was fully maniacal and sadistic, and UGH, I really don't like her... but I guess that's the point. :)

It seems very fitting that she forced Lydia to claw the words on her arms - Bellatrix is definitely the kind of person that would enjoy watching that. It also is very Bella that she would attack Lydia in order to get a reaction out of Sirius.

Oh goodness, and Lydia's line: "I... I couldn't stop it." It just made me feel so bad for her, because she has no idea what the Imperius Curse is, so she must have been confused beyond belief.

The ending. NO. :'( I mean, I assumed she would probably end up dead, considering this is inspired by Les Miserables, and pretty much everyone dies in Les Mis... (and that would be why it literally means "the miserable ones") but I actually really liked Lydia. You really gave her a good bit of character in just these two chapters. And then Sirius is going to have to deal with it too, and I can't help but feel bad for him

Overall, the flow of this was really good, with the exception of that one spot where a flashback could have been replaced by present time, because that kind of threw off the flow a little bit. But that's fully your choice as to how you structure it, considering this is your story. :)

Also, I noticed a couple spots where you used "too" instead of "to." The main one I can find right now is: "I didn't mean too."

Overall, this is a really great story, and I'm excited to see how you wrap it up! :)

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

Author's Response: Hi Taylor!

Haha - who wouldn't want to stay with Sirius ;) I'm glad you liked the thought processes though. I felt it was important that she went through that. It would take some getting used too!

Hmm, I'll have another look at the mirror conversation. When I was writing it, it felt right to put it in the past with Sirius but I will have another look - thank you for the advice.

You did! Well done :) I was smiling when I read that last time.

For you to say Bellatrix was in character is just such an amazing compliment! Thank you! She's terrifying to write!

Haha I loved how you said 'pretty much everyone dies in Les Mis' Gah tell me about it. Even though it's sad I'm glad you seemed to have connected with the characters!

I'll go back through as I said and look for those pesky to and too's! Thank you!

Thanks once again for such a lovely review! I really appreciate it!

Lauren :)


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Review #9, by ShadowRose Confessions

20th May 2013:
Hello, I'm here for the review swap!

I think you've got the perfect balance in Sirius's character. He's not the full-on playboy that he can be made out to be on occasion, but he's definitely got that love-em-and-leave-em vibe going on, in that he can't really find a girl that satisfies him. And then he meets Lydia, and falls for her because she said "no." I think that actually works really well, because, with James and Sirius being such similar characters, it makes a lot of sense that they're both drawn to women who initially reject them and see past their charm and good looks.

Poor Lydia. That's a lot to handle in one sitting. I do really like the way you handled that though. It was all a little rushed, which probably sounds like a bad thing, but I promise, it isn't. The speeding up of that section (maybe that was in my head, maybe it wasn't) actually helped convey Sirius's nervousness and his desire to get it all out in the open before Lydia had the chance to run away screaming. I also like that she didn't immediately embrace the idea of Sirius being a wizard, because, in reality, what normal person would be completely accepting of someone who waltzed in and proved everything you believed to be untrue?

I love that Sirius told Lydia he was a magician, along with the flashback that accompanied it. It seems like something that a wizard might use as a lie, because then it really does explain a lot of the weird things they can do (well, some of them at least).

The banter between Sirius and James is great too, because it definitely shows that they've grown up a little since their Hogwarts days, but at the same time, they're still the same crazy kids on the inside too.

On a completely random note, I love how you paired Sirius with a Muggle. I feel like that's really rare in fanfiction, but it seems plausible at the same time, given his appreciation for Muggle things, like his motorcycle, for example. :)

I like how you alternated between points-of-view in this story, but did so without having to expressly point it out. Instead, the changes came naturally and it flowed really well. Third-person omniscient can be a hard point-of-view to master, but you did an excellent job with it here.

As a little CC, isn't "revoir" supposed to be "reverie"?

A cliffhanger! I think I know what's going to happen, but at the same time, I really don't want to know. I guess I'll find out soon enough though!

Overall, this was a brilliant first chapter, and I love how you already got the plot going in the very beginning!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

Author's Response: Hello!

Wow, thank you for leaving such a lovely and positive review!

Sirius was scary and hard to try and write. I didn't want him to come off as a complete idiot but he had to still be Sirius like. Haha, I guess Sirius and James are pretty similar in this :)

I did feel a bit sorry for Lydia in this to be honest - she has a lot to deal with! Again, I'm happy you liked how I dealt with it though! I couldn't imagine anyone taking that kind of news lightly.

The magician part was one of my favourite bits to write to be honest. I just think it's something I could see Sirius doing :D

I'm glad you didn't think the changing view points wasn't at all confusing :)

Yes it is! Gosh, thank you so much for pointing that out - I will go back and sort it asap!!

Thank you for such an amazingly lovely review, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it :D

Lauren


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Review #10, by Jchrissy Where Do We Go From Here

14th May 2013:
So much amazing in this chapter; let me explain before I start this review that I have to begin every sentence with adverb so that's why it's going to sound so odd. Always love a Sirius story, but you've one and broken my heart with this one :(. After Lydia was killed, I wasn't sure where you would go from there, but of course you had to continue to twist the knife you plunged into my heart.

While Sirius was remembering the movie/photobooth date, it was easy to hope somehow she pulled through, though we knew that wouldn't be the case. Because of her and Sirius's involvement, it's easy to see how he'd blame himself, but I'm so happy James is there to remind him that it wasn't his fault and he only hurts so much because he cared :(. Intentionally murdering is obviously Bellatrix's forte, but to show how much she destroyed Sirius with this just breaks my heart :(.

Sometimes we forget that these people all had lives; they had families, love interests, so many things besides the order. Now, to watch Sirius lose something amazing he'd found is just a terrible way to make it clear that the war really did take nearly everything from him. Then when you tied all this into the Secret Keeper, that was so creative! Seldom do authors give a reason for the switch other than he thought it would be a better idea, but this back story is really, really a great thing (though heart breaking) to give the canon moment a new back story.

While I was reading it, I noticed a few things like, "He continued with a look of pure glee on his face as he continued to ramble enthusiastically" that could be cleaned up a bit. Because you already say continued in this sentence, you could so something like, "He continued with a look of pure glee on his face as he rambled on enthusiastically." So that would sort of tighten up the sentence, but that's nothing big obviously and this entire story was really lovely, Lauren.

Finally, I want to say how excited I am for you; you completed your first chartered fic and it was such an incredible one that really showed off how much you're improving as an author ♥

Author's Response: Hi Jami :)

Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving another review!

I have to admit I had to giggle at this review but you did it so well! I was very impressed!

I'm sorry, I never intended to break your heart but hey, I go through this every week when I read BTF ;).

I didn't want to reveal if Lydia had lived or not straight away, although I thought it would be pretty obvious. I also couldn't have had Sirius blaming himself though with no one to turn to - of course James had to be there! I love the pair of them as best friends so that was the easy bit to write.

I'm so happy that you liked the back story to the switch between Sirius and Peter. That part didn't actually start out in the story, it just flowed as I was writing but I was really happy how it turned out. Hopefully it was believeable!

Thank you for pointing those things out - reading them back they don't sound particularly good but I will go and sort them out soon!

I just want to say thank you so much for both reading everything I write and for being so supportive and giving such useful advice. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it!!

Lauren :)


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Review #11, by Jchrissy Before I Fall To Pieces

3rd March 2013:
Hi Lauren!

I really, really adored your start to this chapter. I think that after being told something as huge as Lydia was, you wouldn't be able but help question everything else you knew. We know the probability of another wizard walking into the perfume shop is pretty rare, but that doesn't mean she does. She has no idea how many magical people are out there, and you'd be half tempted to give everyone the third degree to see if they're who they say they really are.

I was happy with Lydia's choice, though. It's not like being magical makes Sirius any different... well.. it does make him a lot cooler :P. But I think she absolutely made the right call. I love that you had her really weighing her options and thinking it out, though.

Sirius's thoughts about James were really sweet. I'm sure every man goes through that time when it clicks, and they realize just why one of their friends acts like a lovesick puppy... because they'll eventually be in that position too :P. And now that Sirius is, it's really cute. I also liked that he made a mental note not to let James know just how love sick he is :P Very many, Sirius. Good choice.

Okay, this is where things get a little off for me. I still really love all the rest of the actual story you have, like the context. I think the flashback is really well written, and I think the Bellatrix scene is not only well written but incredibly creepy, which it should be. But I think that you sort of rushed us here too fast. Not specifically within the sections, but it almost felt like you needed another chapter before this.

If editing this was something you'd want to do, my suggestion would be to start the chapter the same. Only you can actually show us the conversation between Lydia and Sirius in present day as opposed to flashback. But instead of it being through the mirror, she could use the mirror to call him and then he'd come to the perfume shop where they could set their date for that evening. After he leaves, a few minutes after, you could have Bellatrix enter and sort of shop for perfume/ask her a few sly questions. What that would do for the reader is make it clear that Sirius and Lydia are still strong and that they're both expecting to see the other that night. Then, when Bellatrix enters, we'll realize that she was either tailing Sirius or spying on him in some way. Whether it's been happening for weeks or days, it doesn't really matter because at least we'll understand she's after hurting him in some way. Then, when Sirius enters her house and it's quiet and eerie, the reader will already have a terrifying idea of what may have happened, and it won't seem like such a jolt to have Bellatrix be there. Surprise is good of course, but building up the anticipation to that surprise is sort of what ties it all together.

Obviously that's 100% opinion suggestions. You're actual writing in this, your grammar, your descriptions, were all really well done and pulled me in from the start.

I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter, m'dear! ♥

Author's Response: Jami - the amount of time it has taken for me to respond to this review is terrible and I'm really really sorry!

I'm so glad you liked how Lydia ended up making her mind up about Sirus and what her decision was! I tried to think how you would actually act if we hadn't read Harry Potter and secretly wished magic was real and I think questioning everything was the only logical way to go forward in my head. I'm glad you thought it was good. She also had to pick to be with Sirius - I mean, who wouldn't?

I totally see where you're coming from and I really agree with all your points. I have now updated this chapter and included some of these suggestions - I hope you think the new chapter works better. I feel it does although I'm not 100% satisfied with it yet. Thank you so much for the help - I really appreciate it!

Thanks so much for this review Jami - it's been really helpful and I really appreciate it!

Lauren :)


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Review #12, by Siriusly89 Confessions

3rd March 2013:
Hi! Siriusly89 here with your rather late requested review,

I really liked this intro! Usually the first chapter is basically telling readers who the main character is, and giving us a bit of background, but in this you've managed to do that, but also managed to get the plot rolling, and I am very interested to see where this goes!

Lydia seems like a sweetheart, and I like how every time Sirius came back to her, he seemed to get a little bit older, a little bit more tired looking, and altogether a lettile bit more downcast in his personality.

You still included some humorous banter between Sirius and James, and that I thank you for, as their banter is one of my favourite things to read!

I do hope Lydia gets a chance to meet Harry in the future, before well, Voldemort comes, James and Lily die and Sirius gets sent to Azkaban!

Please feel free to re-request, you know where I am :)

10/10

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you so much for doing this review and I want to apolagise for the amount of time it has taken me to respond.

I'm so happy you've taken to Lydia! I was so nervous with the OC! I also had to include the Sirius/James banter, it's one of my favourite things to read too!!

If you ever do read anymore - please don't hate me!!

Thanks so much for the amazing review, I appreciate it :)

Lauren :)


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Review #13, by Courtney Dark Before I Fall To Pieces

1st March 2013:
Hey! Thanks for re-requesting.

I really loved the first chapter of this story, so I was looking forward to reading this one...and I wasn't disappointed. Everything seemed spot on-your characterizations, the plot, everything. But I'll take it one at a time.

The fact that Sirius' revelation made Lydia question everything makes a lot of sense. If I found out there really were witches and wizards in the world, I'd immediately start wondering what else was out there that I didn't know about. I also liked how you managed to add a little bit more backstory about their relationship-specifically the photo booth photos. The thought of Sirius poking at them, obviously to see if they would move like wizard photos, was very cute.

Sirius was also great in this chapter-his personality is shining through and it's so cute how he seems to be changing for Lydia. I really liked how he picked flowers for her, as a spur of the moment sort of thing, and then how he mentally told himself he was going soft. That seemed very in character.

Oooh, I was instantly creeped out and terrified when Sirius walked into Lydia's house. I knew something had gone badly wrong-you build up tension and suspense really wrong. And when Sirius so Lydia like that on the bed...scary. However, the moment you mentioned the writing on her arm, I had a feeling Bellatrix was around somewhere.and I was right!

You wrote that little fight scene really well, I think. Your depiction of Bellatrix was great-I liked how you added in her sing song, baby sort of voice because, for me, that is a defining point of Bellatrix. I think the reason this scene was so good was because you were able to work so many emotions into it, as well-specifically Sirius' fear and love for Lydia.

Cliffhanger! I can't wait to find out what's happened to Lydia. I really hope she's not dead.

Great chapter.

Courtney:)

Author's Response: Hi Courtney!

Thank you so much for reviewing once again and I am so so sorry for how long this has taken to respond too.

I'm so glad you liked how Lydia ended up making her mind up about Sirus! It was the only way I could imagine doing it. I tried to think how you would actually act if we hadn't read Harry Potter and secretly wished magic was real and I think questioning everything was the only logical way to go forward in my head. I'm glad you thought it was good. I'm glad you picked up on the photobooth thing - that comes into it later on!!

I was so nervous both writing Bellatrix and the fight scene so the fact you seem to think it's gone well just makes me so happy to read!! I have actually changed the chapter slightly now but I hope it's improved it rather than taken away.

I hope you're not too upset by the last chapter if you ever read it :)

Thanks again for a lovely review!!

Lauren :)


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Review #14, by patronus_charm Before I Fall To Pieces

28th February 2013:
Hello Lauren! Iím here with your review, and Iím slightly worried due to the warning about gruesome ideas!

Oh yeah Iíll mention my prediction from last time now, so I can see whether itís proved correct or not! I wondered whether it was because James and Lily had died, but Iím kind of doubting this now, as it seems too soon for that to be happening.

I know itís mean, but I found it funny how Siriusís revelation to Lydia made her question everything around her. I guess it would be the only natural reaction, when youíre given such monumental news, so I think it was accurate, and it gave me something to laugh about!

She does seem to have some genuine feelings for Sirius though, and you can tell by the fact that heís making her doubt her whole reality, and is making her wonder what future she should have. I loved the mention about them getting a photo in a booth together, it just seemed so normal, yet cute and romantic, and it contrasted nicely with the situation she was in know, where itís fraught and angst ridden.

I wondered what had happened with the mirror when she had called into it, and I was glad that I found it. I liked how you showed what happened through Siriusís POV and a flashback, as it made a change from the story, and made it more interesting. The flashback was also well done, and you were eased into it. It was really cute how he had left her one, as he didnít know how to use a telephone, but I think a magic mirror is much cooler than a phone.

PLOT TWIST! I was not expecting that, but I really loved it, as it made you realise how there world was so dangerous, and you really couldnít expect anything. Bellatrix is seriously weird though, I mean carving words into people should not be a habit, as itís just weird. I really liked her characterisation and you definitely got the sociopath down well ;D

Bellatrix seemed really realistic in this story, which is great as she often appears to be so out of character. I felt really sorry for Sirius and Lydia, as you described the effects of the cruciatus curse so well, you could really imagine the pain they were going through.

Another cliff-hanger! You do love them, donít you? I canít wait to find out whether Lydia is ok or not, as I do hope she is.

The only CC I have is perhaps add some backstory as to how Bellatrix found out about Lydia. It will just help explain the situation a little more. Though it may feature in the next chapter for all I know! Other than that it was a great chapter :D

-Kiana!

Author's Response: Hi Kiana!

I'm so so sorry for how long this review has taken to reply to! I really appreciate you doing this though!

Yes - this is set before Lily and James dying *sob*. This is around the time that Sirius/Peter are doing the secret keeper thing :)

I don't mind that you found Lydia's revelation funny! I am really glad that you found it accurate though. It was the only logical way in my head for her to proceed. If this had happened to me, and I hadn't read HP ;), it's how I would have reacted I think. After freaking out and pinching myself a gazillion times.

I'm glad you picked up on the photobooth!! Keep that in mind! It comes up again later :)

Thank you so much for saying I have Bellatrix's sociopath side well. That bit was kind of inspired from the movies :) She is one crazy lady though. It terrified me to write her!

Haha sorry about another cliff hanger. I didn't mean it, honest! Thank you for the CC, you are totally right and I have added some more into the chapter - I hope you like what I've added!!

Thanks again for an amazing review! It's really appreciated!!

Lauren :)


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Review #15, by my_voice_rising Confessions

27th February 2013:
Hello there! Of course I will read your story. It's the least I can do, after you've left me so many wonderful and helpful reviews :3

I like that your OC owns a shop, and that she wants to know who her competition is. Very realistic. And also a way that she could learn about the magical world... I want to see what happens! I did think it was weird, though, that James said he couldn't you-know-what because Lily was pregnant. I don't feel like that's how it usually goes... I mean what guy would just wait around for nine months, you know? I'm going to drop this before it goes over 12+, but maybe consider removing that bit? I think you did it to let us know that Lily's pregnant, but you're clever enough to find another way :3

I like that your James is nice. I know he was a bit of a jerk in school, but he grew out of it! It's a refreshing read--I always thought that Sirius was more of the joking, sarcastic type anyway. Your characterizations are great, and I love the first interaction with Lydia when she says they have strange names.

GAH! THANK YOU. For having Lydia decline the date with grace and reason. She didn't scream, call him a git, slap him or anything. And Sirius didn't seem too crazily out of line either; he was being just cocky enough for it to seem completely believable.

I like that Sirius came back looking haggard; we can guess what happened. Where was it though, that it was nighttime? And did you mean "reverie" instead of "revoir?"

Another thing I would suggest is breaking this up into two chapters. This one is almost 2000 words longer than chapter two; "He took a deep breath" would be a good, cliff-hanger-y place to end this one. There's just a lot of information and story-telling, with little dialogue other than in flashbacks, so this would do well to be split up :3

I love the "Abracadabra" scene, and how he told her he was a magician. Not technically a lie, right? And the scene where he reveals that he's a wizard is really believable, especially her imagined version of Lily.

I really think breaking this up into two chapters would be good. It's moving very fast; within the first chapter they meet, get to know each other, and he reveals a huge portion of himself. I know that time has passed within the story, but it feels rushed because it's presented to us all in the first go.

Other than that, great work! I like your OC and would like to know more about her.

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for leaving a review and so sorry for how long the response has taken - RL grr.

Haha I see what you mean. It wasn't that he couldn't - he just said it was weird. Having never been pregnant I'm no expert but when I wrote that bit I had in my head a very pregnant, ready-to-pop, aching and uncomfortable Lily that probably didn't want to - er - you know. Perhaps weird was the wrong word. I'll reconsider - thanks for the advice!

I always prefer reading and writing James like this. I know he was a jerk but mature James is so much better in my opinion anyway! I'm so happy you thought the characterisations were good!

Yeah Lydia needed to reject him. Sirius was being way too cocky there. Im not big on the screaming shouting either so yeah - I couldn't write it that way! Glad you approve!

I'm not sure which but you mean about the nighttime - I'll have to check that! I did thank you! Whoops!

Thanks again for the advice about splitting it up - I had considered this before so I will definitely consider it again!

Haha exactly! It wasn't exactly a lie and anyway - there was no other Muggle job that Sirius could have pretended to do!

Thanks so much for the great review and CC - I appreciate it :)

Lauren


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Review #16, by MissMdsty Confessions

26th February 2013:
Hello dear!

I'm so happy you requested a review since I love a good Sirius/OC story and this is a really good first chapter.

I liked how you took us through flashbacks to their past and how they met and what happened. Lydia seems to be a pretty strong character from the start and I think she'll evolve really nice in the next chapters. I would've had a heart attack if somebody turned into a dog in front of me!

I also like the little cliffhanger you left us at the end, with the emergency and the man Sirius saw.

The story has a nice flow to it, you don't "suffocate" us with information, you just kind of let it sink in one thing at a time, giving us time to know and like this character as we go along!

I'm really excited to see where you take this story! Good job!

Ral

Author's Response: Hello!

Sorry for how long this response has taken! RL grr. Thank you for such a lovely review though!

I love Sirius too haha! He's just great fun!

Haha yeah - I wasn't sure if Lydia's reaction was sufficient. I don't even know how I'd react! Oh I'm so happy you like Lydia though! I can breath a huge sigh of relief. I'm also glad it was a good cliffhanger.

Thanks so much again for the review!

Lauren :)


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Review #17, by Gabriella Hunter Confessions

23rd February 2013:
Hello!

Hey there, lovely, its Gabbie with your requested review and I'm really glad to be reading this. I usually don't see stories with Sirius being older meeting a Muggle girl of all things so this was a great change. :)
To start this chapter off on such an intimate level really, as I was blushing and such, set up the rest of this very well. There was a hint of vulnerability in this scene with Lydia and Sirius that I really liked, especially when it was obvious there was a bit of tension between them. Just a slight thing of course but as you went into Lydia's flashback and honestly, I love those, I could really understand why. The Sirius and James you've portrayed here are the same from the books or how I'd imagine them but I liked the level of maturity you showed. They're not boys, they're silly grown men and Lydia's observation of how "worn out" they appeared when she saw them again really showed that they were doing things she couldn't understand. It really brought to mind the difference with what was happening in the Wizarding world at the time.
Anyway, she's got some spunk, I really love her so far. I'm also glad that she wasn't fawning and swooning over Sirius, especially how he asked her out, he was sort of full of himself, wasn't he? I think tossing him into reality with rejection was the good thing to do and I'm glad that you did. Sirius surprised me after a while, genuinely asking her on a real date instead of just being arrogant enough to assume it was just going to happen.
Their interactiosn were realistic, slightly awkward but sweet too. I really loved that you showed different POVs for this story and was glad to get into Sirius's head and his growing feelings. There was alot of depth to him in that moment and when he finally told Lydia his secret? Great writing, I think her reaction was great! Shes' got more control than me though, I would have passed out or thrown something at him. Hahhaa. But the last straw was the change into a dog! Hahaha. Sirius was pushing it but Lydia wants to see him after that, huh? I wonder how that's going to go and it touched me alot when he was thinking about starting a family.
But that ending! Uhm, what?! I must know more and have more! It brought back the seriousness (Ha, see that?) of what was going on in Sirius's life at the time. I can't wait for the next chapter! ;)
As for CC's, there was nothing bad about your characters or anything like that. A quick proof read can get rid of some grammar things but otherwise, this is gold. :D
Much love,
Gabbie

Author's Response: Hello Gabbie!

Thank you so much for this lovely review! Apologies for the lateness of the response - RL's annoying.

I'm glad this was a bit different from previous stories you've read. I'm happy the flashbacks worked too as I was worried!

Yeah - I don't know why but I felt this was the best way to start. I needed Lydia and Sirius to be in this position.

James and Sirius were the best bits and easiest bit to write by far. They're just so much fun! I'm glad you like what I did with them anyway - I love them so much I wouldn't want to do them an injustice.

I'm so happy you've taken to Lydia! Yay! It's a worry with an OC. It was important to me that she turned Sirius down too - he was rather arrogant wasn't he?

Again - so happy and relieved you thought Lydia's reaction was good. It was so hard to decide which way to go for her but I'm happy with how it turned out.

Thanks again for an amazing review! It's much appreciated! I'll be re-requesting as soon as you have space free!

Lauren :)


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Review #18, by Courtney Dark Confessions

22nd February 2013:
Hey there! Thanks so much for requesting a review.

I have to admit, I wasn't sure what to expect when I started reading this, but the first chapter was amazing, and really packed a punch! I am already hooked, and eager to keep reading...you are definitely going to have to re-request:)

The style and flow of this chapter was perfect. I liked the way you incorporated the flashbacks in this chapter, without making the flow disjointed and awkward to read. And I LOVE the backstory of Lydia and Sirius-love the fact that Lydia works at a Mugge beauty shop, love the fact that that's where she met Sirius, love the fact that she said no when Sirius first asked her out...I really just love everything about this story so far, to be honest.

Lydia's character is awesome, and I love the way she contrasts with Sirius. They make a very cute couple, and I'm so glad Sirius told her about being a wizard, admittedly in a very roundabout way. And Lydia's reaction was absolutely perfect-I thought it was very funny how she didn't think being a magician was very manly.

James and Sirius together were perfect! I actually started feeling a little sad, realizing that they didn't have much time left together. And I liked the little details you added, especially about Harry and how Sirius doted on him. This line was great: ''Well, I'm just thinking of it like this: I'm giving you and Lily some practice for when mini-Potter comes along. I mean imagine if he has your stubbornness, arrogance and pranking streak together with Lily's bad temper! You two don't stand a chance!'

Oooh, that cliffhanger at the end was brilliant! So many possibilities are flying through my head right now about what is going to happen...or has already happened. I can't wait to find out more.

Great first chapter.
Courtney:)

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for stopping by! Apolagies for the lateness of this response. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter and I'll definitely re-request :)

Gah - I'm so happy you liked it and thought the flow and characterisations were good. I've been really worried about this so it means a lot!

I thought it was funny when she thought Sirius wasn't very manly so I'm glad you did too! I imagine Sirius would get pretty offended. James and Sirius are so much fun to write - the first flashback of them was actually the first bit I wrote so I'm glad you liked it.

I'd love to know your thoughts on where the chapters going to go - I love trying to guess endings so I'd love to hear your theories!

Thanks so much for reviewing - I really appreciate it!

Lauren :)


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Review #19, by patronus_charm Confessions

22nd February 2013:
Hi Lauren! Iím here with your requested review!

I really liked how you started off the story with them being together, as thatís rather unusual for romance story, but I rather liked it as it meant we didnít have to through all the does he/she like me, as that can get rather tedious at times, and especially as this is a short story, itís best to start with the action, and then develop later, due to the shorter length, you need to grab the readers right away, which you did!

I thought the flashback was well, and it was a sudden shock to the reader, which flashbacks often can be. I thought it was interesting that you made her a muggle, as in all the Sirius/OC stories which Iíve read (thatís probably +100!) heís always been with a witch. This was a nice change though, as it will add some new dynamics to their relationship. Also the fact that they met in a beauty shop made me laugh, as though Sirius is vain, you would have never thought he would end up in one of them. I guess he was just doing a good deed for James though!

I liked your characterisation of Sirius, and it seemed spot on. I think one of the best parts was him obviously thinking that Lydia would say yes to him, when he asked her out on a date. Then for him to be rejected! That made me laugh, he needs to be rejected, someone who has such a big ego, deserves to be knocked down a peg or two. I also liked it as it showed that Lydia had a rather independent streak, and she seemed quite confident in turning him down. I mean if Sirius asked me out, I would leap at the chance! Then for him to come in every day and continually ask her out, that made me laugh as well, as it seemed like just the sort of thing he would do.

It was good that you made Sirius more mature in this story, as he would have aged considerably since leaving Hogwarts. With all the Order missions, and the threat of the death eaters, and the prophecy it was no wonder he was getting older. Therefore, it makes sense that he wants to settle down, and share more than Ďhis other wandí ;D It was nice that it wasnít his stereotypical sort of girlfriend, as it again shows how heís maturing.

I liked Lydiaís bemusement at the fact that Sirius was a wizard, as I was a little worried that you were going to go down the screaming and shouting route, so I was glad to find that wasnít the case. One suggestion is perhaps include some of her thoughts before she asks what he can do, as it seemed a little rushed there, and it would be nice to know what her exact thoughts were.

And you left it on a cliff-hanger! I have many possibilities in my head, as to what could have happened, so itís exciting to see whether my predictions will be correct or not!

I thought this was a great start, and the plot is good so far, and it flows well. Of course it keeps my interest when you leave it on a cliff-hanger like that! Any cliff-hanger keeps my interest :)

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by and apologies for the late response!

Haha, yes, I got straight in there. This isn't a long beat about the bush story at all, it's not it's purpose. I just hope that I develop the characters enough!

I'm so happy you thought Sirius' character was good. Phew - I was really worried about it! I couldn't have Lydia say yes to him straight away - he was being awfully cocky and I didn't like it so it's good to hear you thought it was good! this is also what made Sirius want to settle down a bit - the fact Lydia is so different.

Again I'm so happy to read you think I got her reaction right. I'm not very good at screaming and shouting and I get a bit bored reading it to be honest so I felt this worked better. Thanks for the CC - I will look into that as you're definitely right.

Ooh, I'd love to hear your predictions! I love trying to guess stories too when I read them so I'd love to hear your theories!

Thank you so much for a lovely review! I really appreciate it!

Lauren :)


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Review #20, by megthechef43 Confessions

22nd February 2013:
Lauren,

Hello there! I'm here with your review. I'll just jump right in.

I think Sirius'scharacter was spot on in this chapter, he was playful, cocky, and sincere. You showed his love for James and his family. James was his best friend and Harry was the nephew he would never have. I love when James and Sirius were in the shop and Sirius was giving James crap about Lily and expectations. This was perfect and totally believeable from Sirius. Toward's the end I could really see Sirius's character shining through when he is talking about "love'em and leave'em" but he had fallen for Lydia. Aww, the ending when Sirius is picturing a future with Lydia and her hold "his baby". That was sweet and had me really rooting for them as a couple.

I was laughing out loud when Sirius first told Lydia that he was a magician and she insulted his "manliness".

I love Lydia and I really hope she takes Sirius's confess in a good way. Though I understand her reaction. It would be confussing and scary to see someone change into dog and know that they can do awesome and powerful things with a flick of the wrist. I think her becoming withdrawn from Sirius would be a normal reaction to try and become acquainted with the idea of magic. I think what was shocking more was that there are more than just a few witches and wizards in the world. I think Lydia's reaction was great for the situation.

The plot was good. I could see the development in this first chapter and I'm truly intrigued to see where you take this story. The last bit really grabbed me as a reader and I'm wishing for more so I can know what happened. The flow was good and the balance of present and past was good.

Until next time...

Megthechef43 aka Meg

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by and apologies for the late response!

I'm so glad you thought Sirius' character was good. Phew - I was really worried about it! The bit with James at the beginning was my favourite bit to write so it's good to hear you thought it was good!

Sirius told her he was a magician as I couldn't think of any other job Sirius might tell her he did. It fit to me though so I'm so happy you think so too!

Again I'm so happy to read you think I got her reaction right. I was torn between a few reactions but I felt this one worked the best.

Thank you so much for a lovely review! I really appreciate it!

Lauren :)


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Review #21, by Jchrissy Confessions

21st February 2013:
Okay, I may have mentioned that, as a rule, I try super hard to avoid Marauders stories while writing mine. But obviously I couldn't resist checking out your new FF baby!

This kind of stuff makes me so insanely sad. Imagining the life the Marauders could have had, and should have. Imagining Sirius falling in love with a spunky brunette and realizing that he didn't want to let her go. All the memories these friends should have made together. Ugh :(

I think you did so awesome with the banter between James and Sirius. The 'friend' moments of the marauders are my favorite, so having the memory of how she'd first met Sirius with him and James perfume shopping for Lily was so, so sweet. I loved that Sirius was as flirty as ever, but that, after a long while, the fact that he really did just want to get to know Lydia came out and she agreed to go on a date with them.

I think you chose a really awesome moment to have him tell her the truth, too. Playing back into their first date (I can't believe he'd pretending he was a magician. HAHA) was such a good technique. It gave her something to base his claim on.

I also loved how clear you made it that, when he started talking about it all, he just got so excited. And he even managed a jab in at his mom! Perfect!

This was such a sweet start. You painted pictures really well with your descriptions, and I didn't notice any typos.

This is awesome start, Lauren! Congratulations on your new short story fan fiction baby :P!

Author's Response: Hello!

Gah - so sorry this has taken so long. I've got so behind on reviews and responses.

I'm honoured haha! I understand it must be hard for you - if it makes you feel any better this is only going to be a VERY short story though, although you might not like me very much by then end.

Oh, I know. I'm totally with you there. Anything Marauders makes me sad as I know any shread of happiness any of them have won't last. It's awful and I kind of felt mean writing it.

The James and Sirius bit was actually the first bit I wrote and the easiest actually. I really had fun with that. I was worried I was going to get to cliche with Sirius but I'm glad you didn't think so.

Again the magician thing was something for me to have fun with and I really did. I'd like to think it was something I'd do if I was a witch. I couldn't really imagine Sirius saying any other Muggle job either though. I'm really glad you liked it!

Oh - I'm really happy you enjoyed this though! Thank you so much for coming and reviewing, it really put a huge smile on my face!

Lauren :)


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