Reading Reviews for The Art of Divination
  
46 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Marie Barron The invisibility cloak

17th June 2014:
Hmm here's hoping Teddy waits and sees Barnett coming down to mess with Ben's Mind and Barnett goes in Azkaban. Where he truly belongs.

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Review #2, by Jo The invisibility cloak

5th May 2014:
Will you write any more of this story?

Author's Response: Yes, I will, eventually. The little time I have for writing nowadays I've spent on my main story, '19 years,' but I am planning on coming back to this eventually.

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Review #3, by Marlee The invisibility cloak

16th April 2014:
Loving this story! Keep going!!! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I will keep going eventually, I promise :)

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Review #4, by aditi The invisibility cloak

26th October 2013:
cant wait for the next chapter. and its a great mystery you have come up with.

Author's Response: I'm so glad! I hope to find time to work on the next chapter soon. Thank you for reading and reviewing!

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Review #5, by adluvshp The invisibility cloak

6th September 2013:
Hi again! I was pleased to see that you had updated!

This was surely an interesting chapter. I liked Ben's thoughts in the beginning - they give a very good insight into his personality and I love that.

I think you wrote the interaction between Victoire, Dominique and Teddy very well. All of their characterisations shined through brilliantly, and we got a glimpse into their relationship nicely. Teddy's conflicted emotions were very realistic, and Victoire's fear was also justified. I liked Dominique too, and felt sorry for her for what she's going through.

James was absolutely adorable and I enjoyed his brief appearance in the chapter. His personality looks awesome and I hope we see more of him. I also liked the brotherly relationship Teddy and he share. The idea of the invisibility cloak was a genius and I was very intrigued as to how things turned out.

Ben's reaction to seeing Teddy shocked me a little and now I am wondering if Teddy was right in thinking that this entire ordeal is going to actually "turn" Ben into a person he is not, into a murderer. It's very interesting and a little scary at the same time. I am just so curious to know what happens next anyway xP

All in all, this was a well-written chapter with good dialogue, smooth flow, and brilliant descriptions. There were no grammar errors either. I don't have any CC to offer you so great job! Keep writing!

10/10
Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hi! It's great to see you back :D This reminds me that I haven't read/reviewed the last chapter of 'The Worst' yet. I'll definitely get to that soon! :)

I'm glad you liked Ben's thoughts. I have a lot of fun writing them :)

It's also really nice to hear that you liked the characterizations of Victoire, Dom and Teddy. There are so many emotions and conflicts and it's so nice to hear that they seem to have come across like I intended them to.

James was probably my favourite character to write in this story so far, and we will definitely see him again! :) I'm really glad that you liked that part as well.

Ben is definitely not acting like the person Teddy knows and loves, so we'll see how things go, right? ;) The thing that has changed him a little bit is (you may remember this from a couple of chapters back) that O'Hagan and Barrett have told him that Dominique is scared of him, that she doesn't want to see him and that she believes that he'll kill her. So he's sort of obsessing about that in his solitude, which I think would be enough to send most people over the edge.

I am so, so happy to hear that you liked the chapter. Thank you so much for your kind words and for sticking with this story, you're amazing!! :D


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Review #6, by UnluckyStar57 The fault

17th August 2013:
Hi! I'm here a little late with the review you requested. :)

I thought that getting a little of Barrett's story was interesting. It really gave me an idea of why he is the way he is. He's been blamed for things throughout his entire life, and now that things are going wrong in the Wizarding World, he wants to escape from the blame, though the fault actually was his, in this case. From the newspaper article, I see that the entire Wizarding community feels the same way about the high crime rates--Barrett just isn't doing what he should do in order to manage his department properly. I sure do hope that something turns around soon!

I only found one grammar mistake in the entire chapter, and it was this: “Yes. Because you were be mean to us.”

I think that you should probably say "being mean to us" instead of "be mean to us," simply because of the context that the dialogue is in. But it was just a little slip-up--no big deal. :)

Really good chapter! I can't wait to see the next one!

May your pen never run out of ink!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hi!! :)

I'm really glad that you found his story interesting. I think that there's always a reason why people go 'evil,' and I'm glad that this helped you understand why he is the man he is today.

Thanks for pointing out that typo - you're absolutely right and I will go back and change that as soon as possible.

I'm so happy that you liked the chapter! Thank you so much for taking the time to do this, you're always so helpful and I really, really appreciate it!! :)


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Review #7, by marauderfan The assignment

15th August 2013:
Hello, here with your requested review!

Thanks for requesting again - I'm so glad I get to read more of this story, it's so interesting and original. I really like that the characters are out of school, too - it's a nice change.

Your characterisation is lovely. I really like the way you've written Teddy and Victoire, and the little snippets about the rest of the Weasleys/Potters. Ugh I can only imagine Ron the overprotective father :p I'm sure he would be exactly like that!

As for the part in the beginning.. I thought it was cute. I assumed it's Teddy thinking about Victoire, because it's in first person and then goes to third person about Teddy... I don't know why it would be confusing or mysterious but since you mentioned that it is, now I'm wondering if it's some sort of foreshadowing and that Victoire is going to end up dead or something :O Or, hopefully, I'm just reading too far into it! :p

That cliff hanger!! You are really good at writing suspense, you know :) Oh I really don't like Barrett, the way he was smiling when Teddy started freaking out. I have a feeling Barrett actually just enjoys chaos and seeing other people suffer.

There are a couple of typos here and there in the chapter - like an extra punctuation mark or missing word, but the plot is really engaging so far and I'm excited to read more! You've got a wonderful story here :)

Author's Response: I'm so happy that you find the story interesting and original, that is great to hear! Thank you so much!

Oh, and it's definitely great to hear that you think that the characterisation was good. I wanted to include a little bit about their extended family too, as a few of them will be in the story later on. I think so too about Ron (obviously, since I wrote him like that) ;) Haha, poor Rose! And Hugo!

I think that the part in the beginning will be cleared up in a couple of chapters, as every chapter begins that way. As of right now, it might only be cute though. That's all I'll tell you for now ;)

Barrett is definitely not the most likable person. I'm glad that the cliff hanger seems to have served its purpose :)

I'll definitely go back and check for typos. Thank you so much for pointing it out! And thank you for another very helpful and encouraging review, I really can't thank you enough! I'll probably be back soon to request another one for chapter 3! :)


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Review #8, by marauderfan The prediction

9th August 2013:
Hi there :) Here with your requested review!

Woah, that's quite the opening chapter! It's not very long but you've managed to introduce the personalities of Barrett and Marwick quite effectively, and your visual description of the Seer is really nice too. I'd say the chapter doesn't need to be any longer, I think you said a lot in these few words! And it definitely makes me want to continue reading. It's a really good setup for your story.

Based on your summary this looks like a really cool story too, I haven't seen anything like that yet. I'm wondering who the Seer is, and if it's any relation of Trelawney's, because that would definitely raise some (more) moral ambiguity over the process they're using to find criminals, haha. I think Barrett's an interesting choice for Head Auror - he's very ambitious and I'd love to see what some of the other Aurors think of his new plan (other than Marwick who appears uneasy with it). Anyway, I really like what you've done with this chapter - great work!

Author's Response: Hi! Well, first of all, thank you so much for taking the time to do this! I really appreciate it :)

I am really glad that you the chapter made you want to read more, despite it being so short! That was my biggest concern, so it's very reassuring.

Well, hearing that you haven't seen a story like this one before is definitely great! Thank you!! I might include some more background info on the Seer later in the story, but I haven't done that yet. Barrett is definitely ambitious, and I think you'll see soon that not everyone agrees with his ways of getting what he wants.

Again, thank you so much for this review! I'm so happy that you took the time to do this and that you seem to have enjoyed the first chapter! I'll definitely come back to your review thread soon and re-request (I hope that's okay!) :) You have been very helpful and encouraging, and I really appreciate it :)


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Review #9, by AriesGirl40 The fault

6th August 2013:
I liked it, it gave us a little insight into the dark hole that is Barrett' Never loved, never accepted. He survives on excuses. Not my fault. He is the head, so it is his fault. When things go wrong, people look to the person in charge.
Good idea to add this chapter, helps set up for chapters to come.

Author's Response: I'm so glad that you liked it, and yes, that was the purpose of it. It's great to hear that you understand how he works now, in a way. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #10, by Mahaam The inquest

6th August 2013:
I feel like that interrogation is going to be key to the story. As if o'hagan manipulating Ben is what sets off the seer's vision.

Author's Response: That's an interesting thought.. I don't want to spoil anything by telling you if it's correct or not, but I hope you'll stick with the story and find out :)

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Review #11, by Elphaba and Boyfriends The fault

28th July 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!

Well, I think you do a great job of rounding out Barrett as a character; providing motivations for his actions and making him appear less one-sidedly villainous. At the same time, this chapter also highlights his major flaw, so that I don't feel too sorry for him. :)

The flashbacks to his birth and early childhood, which show both the impoverished conditions he grew up in and his mother's lack of affection, earn him some sympathy. I really like this line: "Once again, she glanced down at the newborn and apologized inwardly for the fact that he had been born here, that this was the place where he would grow up, and that the woman in the bed was the one who would raise him." It's always harder to write someone off as a complete jerk once you start to see them as a person with real problems.

It's also interesting to see him deal with prejudice as a muggleborn during the Hogwarts flashback. Seeing the timeline of his life, and how it coincides with the first wizarding war, helps me to better understand where he's coming from in relation to the other characters. I also see in this section that, while he does deserve some sympathy, he doesn't take responsibility for his actions. Yes, he was baited into pushing the other boy, but he didn't have to push him. Then he told Slughorn that, "It wasn't me," instead of admitting that he'd done it after the boy harassed him.

50 years later, he still doesn't want to accept the blame. Maybe it is unfair to blame him entirely for the rising murder rate, but it's his job to solve and prevent crimes. He seems like he's stuck on the unfair blame that was placed on him as a child, and unwilling to accept adult responsibility.

I think you definitely succeed at fleshing Barrett out and explaining his behavior, and I did not mind that this chapter diverts from the main storyline. The newspaper article helps to tie it back to the main plot.
I wonder whether Seamus was interviewed for the story before his fight with Barrett, and that's part of what Barrett was angry at him about? I also wonder what is causing the rise in murders, and if that will be delved into in later chapters? Is Cropper right about the current spike in murder not involving Death Eaters?

Author's Response: I am so glad that this chapter seems to have served its purpose, which was showing a different side and, I guess, a bit more depth to Barrett's character.

It's great to hear that while you feel a bit sorry for him, you still don't forgive his flaws (because really, he shouldn't be forgiven!). I wanted to show, just as you wrote, that he is in fact a human with problems, and not just some evil villain who hates everyone.

Nope, he certainly doesn't like to take responsibility from his actions! He mostly just likes to blame everyone else, and so he can't STAND being blamed for the situation 50 years later. It is a bit unfair, I agree, but people always seek to place a blame on someone when things go wrong, and in that aspect, he is sort of the victim of this story.

I'm so glad that this chapter seems to fit in, somehow, even though it's all set before the rest of the story. I was a bit worried about that, so it's definitely reassuring :) Seamus was interviewed before their fight, and he'll come back soon to explain what that fight was really about!

I appreciate this review so much! You are so, so kind for taking the time to do this and help me with my story, I don't know how to thank you enough! I'll just send a bunch of virtual hugs in your direction and hope that you know how happy it makes me!!!


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Review #12, by heartjily4ever The inquest

8th July 2013:
Okay, this story is just, really good. I've never read one like this, but I'm kind of hooked. I can't wait for the next plot twists, and it's really exciting. Update soon yeah?

Author's Response: I am so happy that you like it! I hope I'll get around to working on the next chapter soon, and hopefully I'll get it up next week or the one after that :)

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Review #13, by Elphaba and Boyfriends The inquest

18th June 2013:
Hello, Elphaba here! :)

Well, this bit really has me intrigued: "She was in their grip, their control, and I couldn't save her from them. She was mine - she was supposed to be just mine - but it was them who had her now." The implications are very ominous (who has her under their control, and for what purpose? Is he just deranged and paranoid?) and I can't help thinking that a major twist is coming soon.

Barrett really comes off as the villain in this chapter. His use of the Cruciatus curse on Seamus is his worst action, I think. His use of deception against Ben is also troubling, but it's probably something that happens a lot in police interrogations - at least it does on tv. :) The only element that I didn't entirely buy into about the interrogation is that Ben was able to put an end to it. I think he could have stopped answering questions, but the Aurors (especially O'Hagan) would not let him leave until they decided it was over.

I found one little spelling issue that I thought worth pointing out because its repeated: "stonewall" should be "stone wall." To stonewall actually means to delay or block someone with evasive answers, while I think you mean to say that the walls are made of stone.

The only other thing I might change is the second-to-last sentence: "I'll have someone drop by with a stack of papers first thing in the morning." Instead of "a stack of papers," which sounds generic, you could say "the paperwork" or "the files," to make it more specific.

The overall impression I get from this chapter is that there is corruption deep within the Auror department, and Ben, Seamus (and now Teddy) have been caught up in it. What is at the root of the corruption? How did Ben become a target? Will Harry be able to help unearth it? My suspicions could be completely wrong and leading me off track, but trying to solve the mystery is a big part of the fun. :)

Author's Response: I'm glad that Ben's thoughts are still somewhat confusing (haha!) and intriguing... I love getting into his mind, and your speculations are definitely interesting.

Well, Barrett is basically the major villain of the story, to be honst... Not only does he torture Seamus, he also plays tricks on Ben's mind. Thanks for pointing that out about Ben stopping the interrogation - my thought was actually that he'd just stop answering their questions, but I'll go back and write it in a better way! :)

Also, thank you for pointing out the spelling error, and the part about the second-to-last sentence. I'll go back and edit - I really appreciate you telling me :)

Yes, the corruption is really deep! A few of your questions can already be answered, though: the root of the corruption is bascially the fact that Barrett is desperate not to lose the power he has gained as Head Auror, and so he wants to stop the rise in murder rates. Ben was targeted because of the prediction in the first chapter. But all those things will be explored further, and I hope that all of your questions will be answered in time...


Thank you so very much for taking the time to do this! I really, really appreciate it :)


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Review #14, by UnluckyStar57 The inquest

11th June 2013:
Oh wow. Things are really heating up in the Auror Department!!

Seamus was awesome in the fight, and so was Terrance. I'm glad that Terrance seems to be of a different mindset than O'Hagan, because O'Hagan is such a cruel person, just like Barrett. I would really love to know what Barrett said to Seamus, but I'm guessing that it was in the vein of an assignment like the one that currently has Teddy feeling anxious and ill-equipped to handle it.

I found very few mistakes, but here they are, just for reference:

When you said that they had "identic frightened looks," you should probably say, "identical frightened looks," or even "identical looks of fright." Whichever flows the best for you will be fine, but as far as I know, "identic" isn't really a word.

And you wrote about Harry's retirement, but you spelled it "retkrement" by accident--happens to all of us, I know! :)

But those were the only things I found wrong.

I'd like to commend you for your wonderful use of figurative language. Teddy's nautical mind, the desperate fear of the interrogation room... Those were really fabulous comparisons. I especially enjoyed the phrase "clothed in hopelessness" as it was applied to the interrogation table, as it foreshadowed the hopeless conversation between Teddy and Ben.

As for Ben, I would really like to think that he had no plans to kill Dom and that the Seer is some relative of Trelawney's, predicting death at every turn. However, his cryptic reply to Teddy about how Dom was "already gone" made me think that perhaps he did contemplate killing her at one point, if not in the instance that got him incarcerated. I'm hoping that his response did not mean that Dom is actually dead, of suicide or murder, because that would just be really sick and sad. Kudos to you for giving me something to think about!! :D

All in all, beautiful work, and I'm sure I'll see you in the next chapter! :)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked Seamus in the fight!! And yes, you're right, Terrance hasn't turned out quite like his father - much to Mr O'Hagan's disappointment, of course. Seamus will return at some point to tell his story, but your guesses are fairly correct :)

Thank you so much for pointing out those mistakes! I'll go back and edit them as soon as possible! :)

Also, it makes me so happy to hear that you like those descriptions! It's always wonderful to hear what parts stood out to you, and I'm glad that the interrogation room worked, because it was something that I added in the last minute before I posted the chapter, since I felt like something was missing.

I'm glad that Ben's character is giving you something to think about. I think he's getting more complicated for every chapter, and I hope to continue his sort of mysterious aura.

Thank you so much for taking the time to do this, and know that I appreciate it very much! You have been both kind and helpful, as always when you review this story, and I really can't thank you enough! I'm sure I'll see you again, too, once the next one is up! ;)


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Review #15, by adluvshp The inquest

11th June 2013:
You updated! Oh my, this chapter was really intense. I liked the whole duel between Seamus and Barett. I have a feeling that there's something more to it than meets the eye and I am eager as to whether you'll explore it in the coming chapters. The conversation with Ben made me feel sorry for the poor chap, I can't blame him for getting angry after all. O'Hagan sounds like a horrible person uh. And I can't believe Teddy is off the case! Now O'Hagan will deal with it in Merlin knows what ways.

This story is getting more exciting as each chapter passes by so please keep up the great work! You're doing a brilliant job. Amazing chapter as always =)

Cheers
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Oh, I'm thrilled to see you back!!

I'm glad that you enjoyed this chapter. Well, Seamus is not gone for good - he'll come back and clarify what happened later on in the story, but that's still a few chapters away for now. I feel bad for Ben as well, and yes, with O'Hagan in charge, God knows what will happen to him now...

As I said, I'm so happy to hear that you liked it! Your words are so kind and encouraging, and I hope to get the next chapter up a bit sooner (after all, I'm done with school now, so I've got so much more time on my hands!)

Thank you for sticking with the story, and for your lovely review, it means a lot!! :)


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Review #16, by Lululuna The inquest

10th June 2013:
Yay, you updated! :D I've missed this story!

Okay, so the duel at the beginning was so tense and frightening! I can't believe Barrett could use an Unforgivable Curse in front of all those people, and still get away scot-free. It's just so unfair, but didn't really surprise me in this autocracy he's running. I liked the comparisons of Harry's and Barrett's regimes through the contrast of the interrogation offices, and how Teddy is a vehicle of this doubt. I was glad to see Terrance back as well.

Poor Seamus, I wonder what happened? I'm guessing his cousin - Fergus? - is in a similar predicament to Ben. It's just awful how they're emotionally manipulating him, and, as Teddy said, trying to convince him of his guilt in a way. I feel so sorry for him, but considering how his thoughts at the beginning are getting creepier and creepier I almost don't want him to go free, either! It's just so complicated, and I feel like there's no good solution.

I'm so curious about what's going to happen! I wonder if what was seen in the crystal ball was the future taking into consideration Ben's imprisonment, as if this will drive him mad and cause him to somehow kill Dom. Or, if he'll kill her accidentally while trying to protect her if they go on the run, or if someone will disguise themselves as Dom and Ben will kill them, or if Teddy will kill Victoire... not that I have a reason for predicting that, but this story is such a complex web that I feel anything could happen! :P

Another great chapter, I really loved it! :)

Author's Response: I'm so glad to here that you enjoyed the duel. And yes, Barrett has way too much power, things are not looking too bright right now. I'm glad you enjoyed seeing Terrance again - however, he's in a tricky situation right now with his father etc...

Yes, Seamus' cousin is in a similar situation to Ben's. And yeah, I feel bad for Ben, but he is starting to show a few different traits than the ones Teddy knew before this whole ting started. You're definitely right about that - there is no right thing to do, which is Teddy's biggest dilemma.

It's so interesting to read your speculations! It is a complex web, and I'm not going to spoil it by revealing anything, haha! I'm so glad to hear that you liked the chapter. Thank you so much for the review, I really appreciate it!! :) It's wonderful to get some feedback, and I'm glad that the story is evoking a lot of thoughts and speculations.. :) Again, thank you! You're the best!!


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Review #17, by UnluckyStar57 The explanation

2nd June 2013:
Ahah! The reason for Harry's retirement finally surfaces!! I love the way you put that in at the very end, and in just a snippet, just to keep the suspense up. Very tricky!

Now that I know it was a Hogwarts break-in, I want to know who was behind it. Of course, I'm betting it was Barrett, but what could his motives be? And what were they breaking in for? Stealing something? Torturing children? Auggh!!

Poor Terrance. He's so struck by Dom's veela charms that he just can't stand it. I do hope he plays a bigger part in the case, and that, if Ben is to be proven innocent, that Terrance finds a nice girl to date. :)

There was nothing wrong at all with this chapter. I enjoyed it immensely! :)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Haha, yes, now you know.. at least parts of it. All will be revealed in time, but for now, it will reamin a bit of a mystery. Not many people know the full story yet.

I know! These Veela women and the effect they have on all the poor men around, haha! I'll tell you this much: we will be seeing more of Terrance! He might even turn out to be quite important for the story.

I'm so glad that you liked this! Thank you so much for taking the time to give me feedback, I appreciate it so very much! I'll probably re-request soon, when I've put up the next chapter, which is finished but not edited :)


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Review #18, by UnluckyStar57 The arrest

22nd May 2013:
This was another really strong chapter. I love how the plot has been developing, especially since Teddy has taken Ben into custody. Some of Ben's reactions were really interesting when Teddy started talking about the arrest, and it makes me wonder whether or not Ben was planning on murdering Dom or not. You've got me in suspense--way to go! I cannot wait to find out if he was actually planning on it, and why he would do such a thing. :)

The only real complaint I have is the way the flashback was introduced. It just came on so suddenly that for a moment, I was confused. First we were at Dom's house, then presto, we were at Shell Cottage? I had to go back and reread, but I managed to figure it out. What I would suggest is this: try to separate the moment between Teddy being at Dom's house and his flashback. Maybe make the flashback start on a new paragraph, and then put it all in italics? That tends to work pretty well for clearing up any confusion.

But other than that, I loved the flashback. It really added a lot to the storyline. You've done a marvelous job with this story so far, and I hope that you don't stop! :)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: I'm so happy to hear that you liked this chapter:) Yes, Ben is quite a mystery as of right now... but I can't really tell you anything about it ;)

Thanks for pointing out that the flashback was a bit confusing - I'll go back and re-read it and try to make it clearer and flow better! I'm really grateful that you pointed it out :)

Thank you so much, both for your kind compliments and your advice - I appreciate it so much, and I think I'll come back and re-request for chapter five as well! You're awesome for taking the time to do this, by the way!!


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Review #19, by Elphaba and Boyfriends The explanation

22nd May 2013:
Hello, Elphaba back again! As with the last two chapters, I found the italicized section at the beginning to be very intriguing. It helps to build the suspense and also keeps me wondering whether Ben is innocent or not.

I also wonder how Terrance O'Hagan will develop as the story continues -- will he kiss up to Barrett in order to further his career, or will he seek out the truth no matter where it leads him? He seems like he could be an interesting character who could impact the outcome of the story.

There were just a couple of spots in this chapter that seemed slightly off. The first is when Teddy comes home to Victoire and Remus: "'Down!' he whimpered. 'Put me down!'" It sounds like Remus is ordering his mother rather than asking, and I don't know that she'd let her son talk to her like that. Since he's whimpering, I think he might say, "I want down," instead.

The other spot is a description of Lily as a "...young girl lying on her bed..." If she's old enough to work at the Daily Prophet, then she's not really a young girl. I think young lady or young woman would be more appropriate for Teddy's POV. "Girl" would sound more believable coming from the POV of someone like Barrett.

I really like that Harry is going to help Teddy with the case outside of the Auror's department! :) This set-up has the makings of a fantastic mentor-protege/buddy-cop suspense thriller. I'm curious to see what will happen next.

Author's Response: Hello again :D It makes me very happy to hear that you like reading Ben's POV, as it's one of my favourite parts to write!!

Terrance O'Hagan has not made his last appearance in this story, I can tell you that much! I hope you'll enjoy what I have in store for him :)

Thank you for pointing out those things! I will definitely go back and edit them as son as possible, as I agree completely with both of your comments.

Haha, yes, Harry's help might come in handy, since it's such a complicated situation. I hope you'll continue to enjoy what comes next, and than you so much for taking the time to do this, for your lovely compliments and the fantastic advice!! :)


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Review #20, by Elphaba and Boyfriends The arrest

20th May 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here again!

By reading this chapter, I learned a new phrase: "Well, don't bite your arm off." I had to look it up to get that Teddy is telling Ben not to get so excited about his visit. :) I also learned a new slang word: "barmy." :)

This phrase stuck out: "...pour oatmeal onto their plates," because I've only eaten oatmeal out of a bowl. I would say "pour oatmeal into their bowls," here. It's not a big deal, I just thought I'd point I out.

I think you could elaborate on this a little further: "A few minutes later, after having convinced Dominique that it was the best solution for the time being, Ben and Teddy left the Howells property to apparate to the Ministry of Magic." Did Teddy make one particular compelling point that changed her mind? Or did Ben take her aside to talk to her privately while Teddy sat in uncomfortable silence, waiting and wondering whether he was doing the right thing?

I really like the scene between Teddy and little Remus at the end, and the story Remus tells him about Tonks the dragon lamp. Its touching, and also helps to explain Teddy's motivation for going along with the arrest of Ben.

Sorry I have been a bit slow with my reviews. I should get to chapter 5 within the next couple of days. :)

Author's Response: I wanted them to sound a bit more British, which is why I decided to use some slang words. I actually learned them too by looking them up ;)

That's a very good point - it didn't even cross my mind! I'll go ahead and change that to bowls, which makes more sense!

I'll also try to elaborate that part about one of them convincing Dominique that it's the best thing to do. Thank you again for the advice :)

I'm glad you liked that scene with Remus and the dragon lamp! It's supposed to work as a confirmation for Teddy, that he did the right thing, and I'm happy to hear that it came across that way!

Don't worry about that, take your time! I'm just really happy that you do it! Thank you for being so encouraging and helpful with these reviews, I appreciate it so much! :)


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Review #21, by Elphaba and Boyfriends The persuasion

20th May 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here!

Wow, the italicized section that begins this chapter is slightly ominous. :) I wasn't sure who the speaker was at first, but I gather now that this is Ben explaining why he might murder Dominique? It's very chilling, and definitely hooked me into the rest of the chapter right away.

Then this made me chuckle: "...he even got along with Uncle Percy." :)

I love that Teddy goes to Harry's house to ask him for advice. Bill showing up and opposing Harry adds greatly to the drama, but it also feels like a big coincidence. Maybe Ginny could remind Lily as they leave that Uncle Bill is coming over to talk about something (or vice versa) to set up his arrival.

I'm curious to see how the arrest will play out, so On to chapter 4!

Author's Response: Yes, the italicized part is from Ben's POV. I'm glad that it worked as setting quite an ominous mood, because that was the point!

Haha, yes, that's quite an accomplishment, isn't it?

Thanks for pointing that out about Bill - I'll definitely edit and have either Lily or Ginny make a comment about before he arrives!

Thank you so much for taking the time to do this, I really appreciate it!


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Review #22, by Siriusly89 The assignment

15th May 2013:
Hey there, Siriusly89 with your request review. I am so sorry it’s taken me this long to review this for you!

The memory at the beginning was, well I suppose the only word for it is cute. It sort of justifies a cliché, and as I am guilty of both reading and writing clichés like no one else, I really enjoyed that!

Teddy and Victoire’s small talk was very, well I suppose realistic. They were acting like any other married couple since the beginning of time, and the easiness and flow of the conversation is something I always admire, as it is a thing I find impossible. Idle chit-chat is definitely a field of writing I need to work on!

Teddy’s protectiveness of Lily, and then his comments on Ron’s sanity were very funny. I know they weren’t meant to be all that humorous, but you had me laughing!

Em, is Barrett a little crazy? I agree with Teddy, you can’t go arresting people for crimes they haven’t even committed. I have a horrible feeling it’s a prank Barrett’s playing on Teddy, to get him into trouble, but I’m probably wrong!

Dominique’s husband is going to kill her?

Oh my goodness, it’s all falling into place! The Seer in the beginning, and Barrett, and everything! It’s all clicked together nicely, hasn’t it?

A really good chapter!

Feel free to re-request!

Author's Response: No worries - I'm just really happy that you take the time to do this!

It's nice to hear that you liked the first part, even if it was a big cliché. It's actually quite important, but you'll discover that later :)

I'm so flattered that you think that the conversation was good and believable! That's so nice to hear!!

Oh, and yes, it was supposed to be a bit funny, haha ;) Imagine having Ron for a father...

Barrett is definitely a complicated character. You'll learn more about im in the future, but truth is, he is just desperate to prove himself, and to keep the power he has gained by becoming Head Auror.

I'm glad to hear that you think it fell into place with this chapter! And that you liked this, that makes me very happy! :)

Thank you so much, again, for taking time to to do this, and know that I really appreciate it! I'll definitely re-request as soon as possible ;)


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Review #23, by Elphaba and Boyfriends The assignment

9th May 2013:
Hi, Elphaba back again!

I found this line to be really funny, and it made me smile: "'They think it's romantic, these Muggle authors, but watching someone sleep is, and always will be, creepy!'" :)

I found a few more grammar issues I this chapter: "The smell of freshly cooked coffee..." coffee is "brewed" rather than "cooked." I suppose that technically it's a type of cooking, but it's always called "brewed." :)

Also, in that same sentence: "into the bedroom in which Teddy..." I would change "in which" to "where." The way you have it may not break any rules, but "where" is more commonly used in that situation.

I like that Teddy woke up with a hair color he didn't like! It's like not feeling completely yourself when you wake up, but being able to change it. :)

Here are two more grammar things: "Teddy couldn't help but smile at her rosy cheek and startled face expression." "Face" should be "facial," because it's used as an adjective, here, rather than as a noun.

And finally: "...she needed to make an effort to look beautiful, when she was the impersonation of natural beauty." In this case, I think "impersonation" (pretending to be someone you're not) should be "personification," (the living embodiment of an abstract idea).

Aww, I like that Teddy and Victoire named their son Remus. :) I like their conversation, and the story he tells her about James' fight with his mother, Ginny. It's a refreshing change to read a next-gen fic that shows them as adults, rather students.

You do a great job of ratcheting up the tension during Teddy's meeting with Barrett. And then in the middle of it, this little gem included in Teddy's imagination made me laugh, "You'll do it for me, Teddy, you're like the caring, cool brother I never had - James doesn't count, of course." :)

I honestly had no idea who Teddy would be expected to arrest, and love that it came as a surprise at the very end. I feel bad for Teddy for having to investigate his own extended family, and will definitely continue reading in order to find out what the situation is! :)

Author's Response: Haha, I'm glad that you liked it! :)

Thank you so much for pointing out my mistakes - it helps improve both my English and this story, and I really can't thank you enough for it!

As for Teddy's hair colour, I'm glad that you caught that little detail. I imagine him waking up with different colours depending on what he's been dreaming about ;)

I'm so glad that you liked Teddy and Victoire together (and yes, in my mind, Remus is the perfect name for their son!). :)

Haha, well, I think that it's natural that all of Harry's kids look up to Teddy very much, and since he's not their actual brother, he won't annoy them as much. So for Albus, James would have been the annoying older brother, while Teddy was the cool one :) I hope that makes sense ;)

The fact that Dominique is involved makes things so much harder for Teddy, as you'll see in the upcoming chapter. I feel bad for him too!

Thank you so much for this review! It was really lovely, and really helpful, and I'll definitely re-request! I appreciate your help so much :)


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Review #24, by Elphaba and Boyfriends The prediction

9th May 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here, sorry for being so late with this review!

First of all, I like that while the characters in this chapter are all original, you tie them to the series by mentioning Harry:
"Harry Potter never even mentioned it when he was Head of the Auror Office!"
This reference to Harry also serves to illustrate a conflict between Barrett and Marwick, and help begin to establish their characters, which I think is great! :)

Okay, you said to go ahead and point out grammatical issues, so here's one: "The one standing next to him, a lank, grey-haired man..." I think "lank" (long, limp hair) should be changed to "lanky" (tall, thin person). Lanky seems to fit better in the context of the sentence.

Also, any time you mention the Daily Prophet it should be italicized, because it's a title of a published work.

I think you've started off well with an intriguing premise. The end of the chapter ("'He's going to murder his wife.") really grabbed me. I immediately wondered who "he" and his wife are. I've definitely been hooked into reading further! :)

Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked that part! It was meant to explain both who Barrett was and to at least begin to explain the conflict.

Thank you for pointing out those things! I will definitely go back and edit. I really appreciate it! :)

I'm also very happy to hear that the ending worked, and that it makes you want to know more. Thank you so much for this helpful review! :)


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Review #25, by adluvshp The explanation

5th May 2013:
So, even though my review swapping is done, I couldn't resist reading this chapter too xD

I think it was an effective chapter as it showed Dom's love for her husband. I also liked how you started the chapter with a completely unrelated (so far) character. The moments Vic and Teddy shared were sweet, and I liked how she didn't turn her back on Teddy, or anything. I hope Harry is able to help properly from retirement though.

The story is going quite well. I have favourited it so I'll be coming back to read when the next chapter is up!

Keep writing. Great job!
10/10
Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: I'm not complaining that you kept reading, haha ;) I'm so happy that you did!

Dominique is so confused right now, because as you say, she really loves her husband. As for Terrance, we'll see more of him in the upcoming chapters!

I'm so, so happy that you like the story, and thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews! I'm currently working on the next chapter, and I'll probably get it up next week, or the week after that! :) Thanks again, I really appreciate it!!


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