wow. just wow. i'm literally speechless. this was so brilliantly written, i honestly have no words to describe how much i love this. you got into his head so brilliantly and it just made me feel so bad for Voldemort. I don't even know how to begin telling you how much I love this.
~MAuthor's Response: Wow, I made some speechless? I don't think I've done that before :D Eek I'm so glad that you loved it and thought I got into his head, as Voldemort is such an intiguing character I wasn't sure if I completely pulled it off! Thank you for this brilliant review :D
-Kiana Report Review
I really enjoyed reading this quick one-shot. I think it is quite difficult to get a story down to 500 words and still have enough in it to be a good story, but you have definitely been successful here. Well Done. I like the fact that you wrote this in first person because I really felt drawn in to the point of view of this young version of Voldemort and as a reader I really got the sense of his twisted mindset. I like how there is an element of hopefulness towards the end, that this young boy has found a place where he belongs, in the magical world. I thought the last line was really chilling and a perfect end to your story.Author's Response: Hey there!
I'm glad that you found it fitted the 500 words. I know it doesn't always work, so I'm really glad that you found that it did! I'm glad that you found I caught his mindset as his brain really is intriguing so I wasn't too sure about it. Haha, I loved the last line too!
Thanks for the great review!
-Kiana Report Review
First off, this is really 500 words? Wow.
Second, I liked this piece in every way, but I liked the line "when people repeatedly call you something, you tend to morph into it." I think maybe you should have added a time when he walked into a room amd everybody just stopped talking and stared at him. I realize that this is supposed to be 500, but I just feel like it fits the way people talk about him behind his back.
Third, that ending line is perfect. It gave me the shivers and I looked out my window to make sure Voldomort wasn't walking up my driveway. This is such a perfect ending.
Next, congrats on winning, you really deserved it. I just wanted to say I have loved reading your work and am so happy that you liked my reviews.
Your loyal reader,
KrissyAuthor's Response: Hey Krissy!
I'm glad that you liked this piece in every way, I don't think I've had such a lovely compliment :') I really liked that line too. Yeah I wanted to write it in 500 words, and while it's fun to do, it does have it's limitations at the same time :/
I'm glad that you liked the last line, as I've had mixed feedback on it. I did want to show that he does end up being evil so I'm glad that you liked it!
I love reading your review they really brighten my day, and thank you so much for leaving them!
-Kiana Report Review
Firstly, thanks for entering my challenge!
I think the issue of Tom Riddle is kind of a sensitive one, given he's a troubled kid and he turns into a crazy weirdo. I always find it hard to write him, but you've done a marvellous job of it.
I especially love the line "When people repeatedly call you by the same name, you tend to morph into it." I think it shows that from an early age, Tom hadn't been completely normal and he'd even been seeking power and revenge.
I can completely believe that people would call Tom "the odd one" because of the way he could talk to snakes and when he lead Amy and Dennis into the cave. I like the way you said they taunted him and he decided to seek revenge on them.
I always thought there was a reason behind Tom taking people's things (not just because he was a kleptomaniac) but I didn't think it was because he thought everyone else deserved to feel what he felt - that something precious had been taken away. I think that perhaps if Tom's mother had lived, or at least if Tom Senior hadn't run off, that maybe he wouldn't have turned into what he did.
I like the way Tom believed what people said about him - "He did seem a little worried about the extent of my powers already, but I don't see why he should be, after all I am the odd one."
Overall, I really liked this. I understand this was also for the Every Word Counts challenge which also included for it to only be 500 words. I think if you'd done any more, it might have been ruined.
Well done!xxAuthor's Response: I'm so glad you liked how I wrote him, I agree he's such an odd character, it's so hard to make him believable as you never what he's really thinking. so yay for that!
Yes I do like that line too, I think it just showed that he could have gone either way really, and unfortunately he went the wrong way.
I agree, that there must have been a reason behind him taking those things, as it just seeme odd that he would go to such lengths to do so, and it made him more human, which I liked doing :')
I'm so glad that you liked it, and I agree again that if it was more than 500 words it might have lost it's power.
Thanks for the review,
-Kiana :D Report Review
Hi there! I'm Sankavi here from the BvB :) Go team blue!! :D
So, i really liked first of all because it was from Tom's point of view. In the book, we got to hear some of his thoughts, but only the ones that were voiced. Here It's nice to see things like "
I canít wait until for the moment when Iím fully in control of my powers, then I can finally seek revenge. "
It kinda makes you think, had tom always wanted to turn out evil? Even at such a young age?
Although this was a little short, I really like bits like " After I dealt with the rabbit, neither of us could be near it." because it showed the cynical side of him. But then you contrast it with like "But I wanted them to see how I felt. To have something precious taken from you is never nice. But my parents did that to me, they removed themselves from my life. So I decided to inflict the pain I felt onto others, as they needed to be taught how I felt every day." which makes you want to just hug him cause you felt so bad.
Really good job on this!
-Sankavi ^_^Author's Response: Hi Sankavi, and yeah go Team Blue!
I'm really glad that you liked Tom's POV as I had so much fun writing it! I'm glad that you liked the last line, as I wasn't too sure about it, as it sounded kind of stilited to me, but yay anyway!
I do hope that Tom had wanted to turn out evil, and I hope that it was his circumstances, but I guess we'll never know!
Yeah I kind of wanted to hug him when writing this, which was a little worrying, but I guess it helped show a side of him that we don't often see. I think that's he a very complex person, so I wanted to reflect that, so hopefully it came through!
Thank you for this lovely review, and TEAM BLUE FOR THE WIN! (I get a little too excited in review battles;D) Report Review
Awesome one shot-it really embodies the characteristics of Tom Riddle, and of Slytherin house, too. I can definitely see the personality of the older Tom Riddle shining through here-I especially liked the last line: 'I canít wait until for the moment when Iím fully in control of my powers, then I can finally seek revenge.' That was such a great way to end this one-shot-it didn't quite complete it, but lets you know that there is more to this story...that it isn't over: that more is to come, which was great!
I also can't believe you managed to accomplish this in 500 words exactly. I always tell myself I'm going to attempt this challenge one day...but I never do.
Anyway, great read!
Courtney:)Author's Response: Hey Courtney!
I'm really glad that you felt it embodied Tom Riddle, as that's what I was aiming to do! I liked that last line too, as I think it showed him finally becoming evil, know that he knew he was magical!
You should do the challenge! I didn't set out to do it orginially, then it looked like it would be around 500 words so I thought why not? It's really fun:D
Thanks for the review! Report Review
Hello! This is Camille from the RC Review Battle!
Oh wow! You made Tom very compelling! I really did feel bad for him...which was strange. And this is exactly 500 words? That's awesome! I really liked the way you characterized Tom in such a short story, it was really really good!
Nice Job! :)Author's Response: Hey Camille!
I'm glad that you felt bad for Tom, as that's what I wanted to do ;D
I'm glad that you felt that Tom's character came across in 500 words, as that's what I wanted to do, and I wasn't sure if it had worked or not!
Thank you for this lovely review,
Kiana! Report Review
Hey, how's it going? Here to review for the BvB review chain! :)
So... I enjoyed this, it was a dark little insight into the thoughts of Tom who would grow up to be the Dark Lord. You've kept him malicious and sinister the whole way through, not unlike his adult character, and at the same time young enough to be considered innocent. You did a nice job with his characterisation at that point in his life, and the thoughts that would've been going through his head.
In keeping with that line of thought, you made it very obvious it was definitely a thought or reflection on events in his eyes, as at times the sentences seemed a little jolted, but I think you did that on purpose to make them sink in with the readers. What I mean by that is that at times there were a few extra commas etc where you could either have them or do without, but you chose to keep them to make the reader take more notice of the power behind his words, and think. Clever writing tactic but at times it seemed like they were placed in the story without necessarily needing to be there and it made some of the sentences a bit long and harder to read.
Overall, I think it was a cleverly written one shot and a good insight into Voldy's younger days, which by all accounts would've been absolutely fascinating, dontcha think? :) Bobby xxAuthor's Response: It's going well :D
I'm glad that you enjoyed the insight into Tom, and growing up to be the most evil person ever! I'm glad that you liked his characterisation, and thought he was evil, yet innocent, as that's what I was trying to do!
Yeah that was the purpose of the sentences, as I wanted to make the reader view him in another light, and possibly more sympathetic one! I'll review the sentences, and see how I can make them easier reading.
I agree Voldy's younger days are fascinating, and that's partly why I wrote it, after blogging about how fascinating I found his childhood!
Thanks for the review,
Kiana:D Report Review
Hey there! Funny story - I saw this banner in a request on TDA when I was there for a banner for one of my stories myself, lol, so when I saw it here on your page, of course I had to read it. Plus, it's about Tom Riddle. 'Nuff said, really ;)
First off, I'm so impressed you managed to do this in 500 words. It's such a short word count, so difficult to actually get things across in that space... but you pulled it off really well. I really felt for Tom in the orphanage, looked down on by the world for being an orphan and then by the other orphans and the workers there because he's 'strange' and 'weird' and all that jazz. I think it's an emotion we can all identify with, as well, which is always good ;)
I have to admit that when I first read the summary and the beginning, I wondered about how you were going to pull it off - because it seemed such a strange thing, you know: to try and get people to identify and empathise with Tom Riddle, of all people. It's like asking people to hug a hedgehog - just... unthinkable, lol. But you did it. Your characterisation was excellent as well - you made him, not innocent but not evil. He's sort of almost manipulated by circumstance into what he is, if that makes sense. Literally moulded into being driven for revenge. It's a take on him I've never seen done before, and I think it really works.
I did notice, though, that there are quite a few odd tense slips, mostly towards the end. You say things like 'I was perhaps even more special', which doesn't make sense, since he still is, you know what I mean? There was also a typo I spotted right at the beginning - 'seem' instead of 'seemed' - but that was it.
The tense changes did throw me off a little, but really, it's not that big a deal and it's easy enough to fix (everyone makes mistakes like that ;D). But, I really liked this. Your characterisation, the pace and the whole idea of it was brilliant. I loved how you had him talking directly to the reader - not many people I've seen have dared to do that, I think it intimidates people, and for good reason - and how you picked up on the few events we know which happened at the orphanage, mentioned characters we know and avoided telling us his entire life story from the orphanage until he went to Hogwarts.
So yeah, I really liked it! :)
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Hello there!
Ha I know what you mean about the banner requests, I sometimes spot some great banners and I end reading the story because of finding them on TDA!
I'm glad that you thought I managed to fit everything in 500 words, as I agree it's so hard to choose what to put into the story. I'm glad that you felt for Tom as that was the purpose of the story, as I wanted to show a possible reason for his later evilness, and hopefully make him more relatable.
Haha I like your analogy ;D I know what you mean, I was kind of thinking when writing it, will people actually feel sympathy for him, or just look at his actions, and bypass this. So I'm glad that you felt that he was driven by revenge, as I think he is, and I wanted to show that.
Ooh thank you for pointing that out, as no one else has! I guess there can never be too many proof reads ;)
I wanted him to be talking directly to the reader, as I almost wanted it to be as if he was justifying his actions, to an audience. I always wondered about what had happened at the orphanage, as it seemed as if there may have been another reason, so I wanted to provide that with this story.
Thank you for this awesome review, it's left me looking like an idiot due to a massive smile of my face!
Kiana :D Report Review
Hi! Faux again. :)
This is clearly a completely different kind of story from the ghoul one, and I'm a bit flummoxed at your ability to write both hilarious ghoul stories and dark Voldemort stories.
Tom Riddle's character is a fascinating one for obvious reasons, and delving into his head was very interesting. I've always wondered about the cave incident - you rounded it out for me nicely, leaving it mysterious enough to still give me chills, while explaining it enough to give a good idea of Tom's motivations and feelings. People rarely handle Tom Riddle / Voldy's character well - I think it's hard to, because most people tend to think in extremes when it comes to good and evil. This story was brilliant because it touched at something important and true - that there is no dichotomy between good and evil. There are no "good" people or "bad" people, just people who make different choices due to their experiences and the chemicals in their heads. You did a great job at outlining some of those experiences and making Voldemort a real person, rather than the unrealistic Dracula-Joker-Saurumon type guy.
Your narration style is simple (which is appropriate because the speaker is a child), but clear, composed, and clever (which is fitting because the child happens to be Voldemort). I love the narration because it evokes the narrator's personality, the mark of a really good writer.
I have no idea how you packed so much awesome into such a small space. I honestly just wish there were more of it.
Thanks for the swap!
Faux.Author's Response: Hi again!
I think the reason why I managed to write both stories is because they came to me just randomnly, and I wrote them down before the plot bunny left. I mean if I did that for every plunny I would have some seriously weird stories:D
I'm glad that you found going into his head was interesting, as I really find him fascinating, so I loved getting into his thoughts!
I wanted to explain Tom's actions with reasons behind them, as I do believe he didn't do them unprovoked, as he seemed to do everything for a reason.
I'm glad that you felt I showed that there was no clear cut line between good and evil, as I feel a lot of the time especially with HP, people tend to do that a lot, and I wanted to show that you should look more carefully before judging. I'm glad that you felt Voldemort was a real person, as he was at this point, and it was only later on, that he turned into something non-human.
I'm glad that you liked the narration, as it was rather different to anything else I had done, so I wasn't too sure about it.
Thank you for such a great review, it again made my day:D
-Kiana! Report Review
Here for the review swap! Although I've been eyeing this story, not just because of the banner, but also because of its subject matter. Tom Riddle's childhood is a fascinating thing to cover in a story, and you did it wonderfully here, capturing his voice in a way that's still partially innocent, yet also hinting at his "wrongness". It's more than just oddness, though it's easy to forget that we're looking at it from hindsight - to the others in the orphanage, he would be rather like what Harry was to Dudley's friends: the odd boy, the one who clearly didn't belong, even if they weren't sure why. I really like how you've explored that idea in this story! It's a refreshing way of looking at Tom Riddle, even of re-evaluating him because it begs the question, did he become evil because of how people ostracized him, or was he always that way, and that's why they treated him like this? If his mother had lived, if his father hadn't abandoned them, would he have become the Dark Lord? It's a haunting question, but it's one that JKR has left up in the air.
Looking at Tom Riddle in this way makes him a more tragic character, a victim of circumstance who sadly made the worst of his position in the world. Revenge became his sole driving force, the only way he could place himself above others and gain the self-worth that he'd been denied all his life. It makes him a far more complicated character, not just the supreme villain that most people see him as.
And you've done all of this in 500 words! It's amazing! :D It was great to be able to read this - it's left me with a lot to think about in regard to Riddle and how readers can understand not just who he is and what he did, but how he got that way. I love it when stories do this. Thank you!Author's Response: Hi Violet thanks for stopping by! Yes I always thought Tom Riddle's childhood was fascinating as well, as it really shows his transformation from an ordinary boy, into the villan we all know, and I also wanted to show that he may have not ended up like he did, if he had a different childhood, where love was present.
Im glad that you thought I captured his voice, as he's such a complex character, you never really know what he's thinking, so I sort of had to imagine I was him, when writing this, and that was fairly strange experience!
I guess the reason why they didn't know why he was the odd one, was because of him being magical and I guess he gave that off.
I would like to think that he became evil because he was ostracized, as it would be nice to think that he did have a chance of having a different life. I think that he was always the odd one as well, I think any wizard would be, if they were placed into a muggle orphanage.
Yes it is rather annoying that JK left in the air, and didn't explore that much, she only really mentioned it in the 6th book. Hopefully if he did have his parents, or just one of them, he would have been a different person.
Revenge is a strong feature of Tom Riddle's life, but then if he was treated like that throughout his childhood, it would probably be his most natural inclination, to be evil, and to seek revenge. I think people make the mistake of looking at characters in just the way they're portrayed, I think if they looked at the circumstances they were in as well, they would see them in a different light as well:)
I didn't intentionally mean for it to be written in 500 words, it just sort of happened, and it seemed fitting, as I couldn't think of any other way to extend this.
Thank you for such an awesome review, and I'm really glad that it made you look at Riddle in a different light, as that's what I was aiming to do :D Report Review
I love this story! :)
It is really something in the way you described Tom! You managed to show him in a way that it is truly easy to actually understand why he has become so evil and heartless, and you did it perfectly! I love the 'I never do anything without a reason behind it' part. He has his own reasons to seek revenge, and we really shouldn't judge people, before seeing the World from their point of view, and you did an amazing job!
This fanfiction is simply flawless!!! 10/10Author's Response: Hi!
I'm so glad that you love this story, as I loved writing it! I'm so glad that you liked my portrayal of Tom Riddle as I felt the need to show that people aren't just evil, they become it.
I'm glad that you liked the idea of his reasoning behind it, as I felt that would be something he would do. I feel that people just look at things in black and white, when they should really look at the grey area too
Thanks for this awesome review, it made my day :D
-Kiana! Report Review
Hello! This is LovlyRita here, Congratulations on winning this review, I am so excited to be here to leave it for you! And you'll be happy to know that I validated this one shot as well, so when I realized which story it was that i'd be reviewing, I was like SWEET I'm totally already familiar with it!
So let's get to it! :)
First of all, Tom Riddle one shot! yaay! I haven't ever seen one quite like this, so you've really stumbled upon something that is unique :) It's so heartbreaking to think that people actually might have come by to adopt little Tom Riddle and it really makes me sad inside! Like, here's this little boy who might have just wanted to be loved. When he was little anyway :P And because he was so odd, no one wanted him :( Poor Tom Riddle. I never thought I'd say that!
And what about these punks, Dennis and Amy! I like the way that you are rationalizing everything, making Riddle seem child like and human, which is great because that's what he is. It often seems like people seem to think he was always this evil mastermind when really he started out as a child just like everyone else. And it really must have been hard for him to be taunted that no one would ever love him. It's sad and striking, because he really did end up with no one ever loving him (Save for Bellatrix but that doesn't really count.) He exchanged the possibility of being loved for all consuming power.
This bit with the boy and his rabbit was chilling. Once again, it demonstrates the sociopath growing within him, that if he couldn't tend the rabbit, then no one would touch it. It's perfectly done. And it's very concise, the way you tie it up there. Instead of saying BTW I killed the rabbit, you hinted at it, and it was fabulous :)
Back to heart break in the next paragraph. His perception that his parents "left" him when really the backstory of his life is so much more chilling and sad than that. But again, the childlike perception is great. This belief that "If my parents wronged me, and the other children are being mean to me, then I need to teach everyone a lesson, they need to understand how I felt." It really is tragic.
The point where Dumbledore comes and Riddle realizes that he is "superior" to other is really the first flash of Voldemort that we see in this entire story, and, I know I've said "sad" several times, but to me it's sad that it happens so very early.
Over all I think this is a very well written, albeit short, one shot. It is a great insight into the mind of a confused little boy, it was concise and chilling and I really enjoyed this read!!! :) The over all flow was great and engaging.
Well done!Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad that you were excited in reviewing this story, I just assumed that validators read so many stories that they forgot which ones they had validated.
I've never read any Tom Riddle one-shots so I didn't really know whether this was similar to anything else or not, so I'm glad that you found it was unique :D
Yeah I never realised that I would feel sympathy towards Tom Riddle as well, before writing this, so I'm glad that you felt some sympathy towards him, as I feel he needs it, as he didn't have a very good start to life.
I thought he would rationalize everything thing, as he's very intelligent it seemed like the obvious thing to do! I just thought it would show that he was human once, and he could have remained human if he had some love.
I'm glad that you liked the bit about the rabbit, as I feel he never admits to what he does, so of course he wouldn't just say I killed your rabbit.
I think that if I was in his situation I would feel unloved as they had left me, so I wanted to show this may have contributed to his evilness.
Yeah I guess the visit from Dumbledore was significant as he was the one who told him about magic, and if he never visited there would have never been a Voldemort.
Thank you for this great review, it made my day :D Report Review
Hello Kiana :) teh tarik from the forums here with your requested review. Well, this is the first time someone's requested for such a short fic!
Well, I think this is certainly a pretty accurate portrayal of Tom Riddle's voice and childhood experiences :) Through his narration, he certainly comes off as emotionally alienated, cold and arrogant at times. But you've also shown his slightly more vulnerable moments - when he's mocked by Amy and Dennis for being so different and at the reality that he's such an unloved child. Such moments would make normal children feel insecure, hurt, damaged even...but Tom is just vengeful. He certainly is affected by their words, but he is not passive and in fact, reacts violently. I love the little twist you've added to the story - about Amy and Dennis taunting and belittling Tom. I think it was always assumed from the books (well at least I did :P ) that Tom did something horrible to those kids, completely unprovoked, and that he was always an unsettling and amoral child from the beginning. Well, you've given him a little humanity here...not much weakness, but still a twinge more sympathy and I think it's a good decision.
I think this is a very strong line: When people repeatedly call you by the same name, you tend to morph into it. It really makes you stop and think - perhaps Tom is the product of his environment / circumstances? If those other Muggle kids hadn't set him apart and called him 'the odd one' then perhaps he himself would never have distanced himself from them and found himself superior? It's really fascinating, and I think it would be great if you ever choose to expand on this a little more.
Now, for 500 word stories, I think it's very important to be selective about the sorts of details that you include in your story. With this story, you've sort of given us a sort of generalised and sweeping account of Tom's childhood, well, through his own eyes. I think it would be much better if you had instead focused on specific moments and details - personally, I feel that you don't need to even mention the character of Mrs. Cole or what she thinks, and instead use the extra words on developing other more important characters, or evoking in greater detail a more memorable scene.
Also, I think you should have a very tight rein on language, and really edit stuff to make sure that the narrative is more tightly structured and that loose general sentences are taken out. e.g. So I decided to inflict the pain I felt onto others, as they needed to be taught how I felt every day. In a longer story, it would be fine to have this sentence, but in such a short piece, it feels a little redundant, and a little too general. What I suggest doing is to go through your story and edit out these sorts of general sentences that do more "telling" rather than "showing", and if you have room for more words, focus on certain scenes in greater detail. I think your narrative would be a lot stronger and a lot more effective if you had, say, given a more detailed account of what Tom did to Dennis and Amy or to Billy's rabbit (I know this wasn't revealed in canon, but you might have to make something up...)
OK, I'm getting a little repetitive here...but anyway, I think you did a great job with Tom's characterisation. His voice is certainly chilling, and a little petulant at times, which does really reflect on child!Voldemort's character. There are also the odd flashes of brilliance and thoughtful statements like the one I quoted earlier, and these show Tom's extraordinary intelligence.
So, just a little more detail to structure and language, and I think you'll have a really great story here.
Thank you so much for requesting, and I do hope this review will be useful :)
-tehAuthor's Response: Hi teh, sorry it took a while to respond to this review!
I'm glad that you thought that my potrayal of Tom was believable, as he is such a hard character to write, as he's so complex. I guess that's why I added that bit about him having a reason to attack the others, as he's so complex you can kind of expect anything from him, so I thought it would work. I'm glad that you felt he was seen in a sympathetic light, as that's what I was aiming to do, as I don't think he was entirely evil, and that there was a reason behind it.
Yes I liked that line as well, as I thought it would be interesting with the whole nature/nurture debate, and whether if they didn't call him names, he would have been a nicer person.
Yeah I didn't realize how hard it is to write within 500 words until I tried it myself! You just don't know whether what you are including, should be included or not. I'll review the chapter, and see if I can add something more significant, and still make it fit 500 words!
I'll also review the grammar errors as well, it was just so hard making it grammatically correct and making it fit the word count!
Thank you so much for the review, I did find it really helpful, well your reviews are always helpful!
-Kiana :D Report Review
Ahh so good! I just happened to be scrolling through your page and decided to read this (I really enjoy your Muse challenge story Uprising) and I wasn't disappointed at all! It gave me a good insight into how Tom would have felt at that age and fits his persona perfectly--just like how Ralph Fiennes' nephew portrayed him in the film. :) Fantastic one-shot! xxAuthor's Response: Hi!
Feel free to read anything else on the page that takes your fancy, as your reviews always make my day! I'm glad that it didn't disappoint you, and that it was good! I'm glad that it fitted his persona, as he's such a hard character to portray, I wasn't too sure if it seemed like him!
Thanks for your review, it made my day! And the next chapter of Uprising is in the queue, so it should be up in the next couple of days :Dx Report Review
First of all, writing a story that was as nice and well done as this one, in just five hundred words absolutely blows my mind to the next galaxy and back. Seriously, I am so impressed.
I always felt sorry for young Tom Riddle, once we found out his story in the sixth book. It seemed like sometimes he was born to be evil, but at others, you could picture him as a victim of circumstances. I think you've managed to capture that duality in him really well. Whilst reading this, you're just not sure if it's "nature" or "nurture" (or lack thereof) that has made him what he is.
Really wonderful, as always! I hope you write more stuff like this (as in, just five hundred words) because I think you have a real talent for it!Author's Response: Hi!
I'm so glad that you blew your mind, in a good way mind!
I always felt a little sorry for Tom as well, and I guess that's what motivated me to write this one-shot, as I wanted to show in a new, more sympathetic light!
Yes I guess we'll never really know whether it was nature or nurture which forced him to become who he is, but I hope it was nurture, as I do like to think that he had a choice.
Writing just 500 words, is rather fun to do, so I'll think about doing more in the future!
Thanks for the great review, it made my day:D Report Review
Hello! Here for your requested review.
Ah, what a wonderful one-shot. I have come across many poorly written Tom Riddles, so I was a bit wary when I started reading this, but I am so glad I did, because this was quite nicely done. People tend to 'mess up' his character but I was pleased that you captured him fairly well.
I loved the plot concept of him being called the "odd one" and sort of living up to his name, or rather growing into his name. That was a powerful concept.
As for the believability, I think this was definitely believable. You did a fine job in portraying young Tom Riddle and his thoughts, and the way it all played out was quite realistic. He seemed very much like one would imagine him to be - mature in a way for an 11-year-old and yet childish. We could also see the sense of power in his head and that was great.
I also loved the part where Tom says that he took Dennis and Amy to the cave because they were taunting him about being unloved. It showed that he was affected by the fact that he was abandoned by his parents and needed and wanted love, and unfortunately when he didn't get it, he turned "bad" because he wanted to take revenge on the world, and hurt it because he had his 'precious' parents taken from him. It just shows how much impact being in the orphanage and families' refusal to take him had on him.
Of course, this is different, but I think it works well enough, as it had this haunting feel about it and had me hooked while reading.
This flowed really well too, and I think it is very appropriate for 500 words - as more would not have made the impact it did.
I didn't see any technical errors either, except for the final sentence as it sounded weirdly phrased to me ("wait until for the moment..." part) so I'd suggest that you see if that can be re-phrased and still fit in the 500 words.
Apart from that, I don't have any CC to give you as this was a well-written one-shot, was quite believable, very interesting, and nicely thought out. Your pace, flow, grammar, and characterisation was finely done. Good work!
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Hi Aditi, thanks for leaving such a detailed review!
I'm glad that you thought that I captured Tom Riddle well, as like you said he's such a complex character, he's really hard to portray! I just sort of imagined that I was him, so I guess getting into his mindset piad off, even if I felt weird being in a serial killers mind!
Yes I thought that the odd one, would be a cool idea to use, as you never imagine him getting bullied, you imagine him the bully, so I thought it would be nice to show, that everyone has a hidden side.
I'm that it was believable as his mind is so warped, you never know what he would be thinking!
I thought that the incident with the cave must have a reason behind it, and I wanted to show why he may have ended up evil, so I combined both in one! I'm glad that you liked it, as I love adding more of a backstory to canon events.
I'm glad that you thought it fitted 500 words well, as I agree I couldn't think of what else to write, so it seemed fitting to do it for this challenge.
I'll look at the last sentence and see what I can do:)
Thanks for the review it was really useful!
-Kiana! Report Review
Awesome, I love me some one-shots (that wasn't supposed to sound lame, but it did. Sorry).
Oh wow, I like this approach to little Tommy. He's "morph[ed]" into what people call him. I got chills reading the way he nonchalantly mentioned those incidents with his fellow orphans. Gah, but I still felt sympathy, even when I know his future.
Way to make me want to adopt an evil wizard :P.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this,
soapman333Author's Response: Hi!
Yes I love one-shots to, as it means you explore something you would have never written about before!
I'm glad that you liked this approach to Tom, as I was trying to show that though he was evil at such a young age, he was still a child, and one that deserve some sympathy.
I have to say I did feel sorry for him when writing this, even though I know what he did in the future!
Lol! Perhaps if you adopted him, you could have made him a nicer person, and he wouldn't have turned out to be an evil wizard!
Thanks for the review, it made me laugh! And I'm really glad that you enjoyed this read! Report Review
I've never seen a one-shot from Tom's point of view when he was a child before. This had a sort of haunting feel about it, because he just seems like an innocent, lost little boy in this, but of course we know what a monster he eventually morphs into.
At the same time though, he seems a little. . . .mental in this. Or not mental, but somethings a little off in this. He seems older than his years, like he's seen more than an eleven year old should. . . .and that scares me a little!
Really good job! Well done!Author's Response: Hi!
I've never read a story from Tom's POV before either, so I really wanted to write this, as I do believe he wasn't always evil, and like you said I wanted to show that he could have been innocent at one point. Yes it is kind of weird knowing what he'll turn out to be, but I guess that's what makes his life so interesting, as he could have gone either way.
I'm glad that you picked up on the differences as that's what I was aiming to do! I always imagined that he would be very immature and mature for his age, if that makes sense? And I think given what he later turned out to be, he would be a little creepy!
Thanks for the great review! Report Review
Hi! Here from Team Blue for the Review Battle!
It's interesting to read something from Tom's perspective at this time in his life. You can already see the cruelty we've come to expect from Voldemort, like the incident with the rabbit, but there are also faint reminders of the fact that we're dealing with a young boy who has a child's understanding of things at times. For instance, that line about how it's understandable that he has strong powers already because he's the odd one is interesting, because he doesn't see it the way Dumbledore does, with the latter being worried.
I think this was a great choice for this challenge, because it feels like the length is appropriate here. Your writing is nice and smooth, as well. Nice job!
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Go Team Blue!
Yes I thought that it would be interesting to explore this part of his life as well, as I don't think there are ever really any mentions about it.
I'm glad that you felt I was coming through with a child's understanding as that was important for me to do, as Voldemort was very mature at this part of his life, but so immature in other respects.
I'm glad that you suited the challenge well, as when I first started to writing it, I thought it would be the ideal length for it.
Thanks for the great review, Kiana :) Report Review
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