Hello, darling! I'm here with your requested review!
I love Marauder stories, since all authors have such interesting spins on their story and it's very fun to see them all.
This was a nice little chapter, filled with humor and a lot of insight into the mind of a young James Potter. It was funny as well, and I do appreciate good humor in a story. It was too short for me to actually get to know the characters (except Lily, who's a ginger Voldemort and that says it all! Brilliant line, by the way!).
Now, what I noticed is that you should pay more attention to the spelling and the punctuation marks. Be sure to always start your sentences with capital letters (“oh no you don’t! It’s your turn and you know it” ) and end them with either a coma, a period or an exclamation or question mark. So, in the sentence I highlighted, it should be: "Oh no you don't! It's your turn and you know it!".
Also, be very careful with the "your, you're" use, which at times you used correctly, but here "Your such a chicken” it should have been "You're such a chicken!", as in "you are". A beta reader can help with that a lot!
I'm looking forward to reading more of your humor and to see how this story develops! Thank you for requesting!
RalAuthor's Response: hello :D thanks for taking some of your time to review the chapter, it means a lot.
Weirdly enough I never used to write Marauders stories when i first joined hpff, until one day I just randomly decided to read one and I was hooked into the story and since then I've had a big fascination with that era (I'm lying, it's more of a big obsession)
I've never really written like this before so I hoped it worked out, i'm terrible at humor so i'm really happy that you found it funny :D
Next chapter i'll definitely make it longer so you can get more of a feel of the characters. I'm glad you liked the line about Lily :D
Spelling, grammar... it hates me, were enemies :P. I've been known to never start a sentence with a capital letter in many of my stories so inf future i'll watch out for it :D I'm definitly going to correct the mistakes you made :)
I'm probably going to get a beta reader in the near future (because i really do need one)
Thanks again and I hope to come to you again whenever in need of a review to help guide me, you've helped a lot :D
- kels Report Review
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