Hey there, its Gabbie with your requested review and nice to meet you and all that. So, I saw that this was for the sad story challenge and I have to say that this really upset me. In a good way though! I've never read a story with Mary as the main character before and I really liked that you put so much emphasis on her. With the way this began, I'll admit that I was a little confused by the quotes but after a while, they started to blend in so well with the story that I barely noticed. All the pain and hardship of the War was written so well, I could feel that the Order was losing control of the situation. There wer some great descriptions of the fighting, I love a good duel and the grittiness of it made me stay hooked to my laptop. There were of course some incredibly sad moments with more of the Order dying and when Benji dies I just had to sit there and mentally scream. The way he was killed just...the brutality of it was just awful but you wrote it very well and in a way that didnt feel forced or, thank goodness, gory. I wanted to, at the end, just scoop Mary up and lock her up somewhere but that can't happen. What was extremely depressing I think was not only did she die, but at the end, she accepted it. She knew that it would be too late and I'll remember that for a while, I was able to imagine that clearly. :(
So, as for CC's, I have none! I loved this and despite it being so sad, I thought that it was wonderfully written and really enjoyed it!
Thanks for the read!
GabbieAuthor's Response: Hi there, and nice to meet you too! Sorry about this response being a bit late, I didn't have my computer for a few days.
Thank you so much for this review, it made me so happy! :) I love writing obscure characters and I always get plunnies for the First Wizarding War, so that's where me writing Mary came from.
Hmm, I might go back and add a little A/N at the beginning explaining the quotes then, instead of leaving it at the end.
I'm so happy you liked the fight scenes. I was nervous to write them because fight scenes are not my forte at all, but I'm glad you liked them!
Thank you so much for the amazing review, it made my day! :)
I think this was a really beautiful piece of writing. The story of Mary and Benjy is very realistic for a war, so great job there. The only part I found myself questioning was where you switch tenses in the first and second parts. Other than that, this was great.Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a review! I'm really glad you found it realistic. Oh gosh, sorry about that. :s I'm really bad with tenses for some reason, but thank you for catching it!
- Faith Report Review
Hi there :) Saw the link on the forums and decided to come check your story out.
Gosh, this is such a tragic story - you've really, really shown the devastating effects of war at a very personal and individual level through Mary's POV. You really captured the essence of the lost potential for love or a healthy long-lasting relationship between Benjy and Mary. And it's so terribly tragic but that's war. Benjy's death was simply horrific - that he has been simply blown apart by such a vicious spell. It's so terribly cruel an incident on Mary. That scene really made my blood freeze (just like Mary's) at the sheer horror of it, and you really hit me in the feels.
Worst of all, the reactions of the others. They're all visibly affected by all the deaths, but it also sounds as though they're becoming terribly resigned, that somehow they're feeling that premature death is an inevitable fate for most of the Order members, that somehow the world is really being destroyed, bit by bit. OK, I'm rambling a little, but really, this was such an intense, bleak and unsentimental story.
I also love the fragments of the conversation between Mary and Dumbledore. They really evoke a time when Mary was just so filled with optimism, courage, a certain innocence, and the belief that she can change the world, or help change it. These little moments contrast with the bleakness and terror of the present reality of war, and really, I had all the feels for poor Mary :( I'm assuming she killed Rosier.
The ending was so sudden, so abrupt. A flash of light, and with enough time and space just for one more thought ("what might have been") and she's gone. It's a terrible, grim and utterly realistic ending. There is no closure for such things, and I'm glad you wrote it this way. There is such a wonderful (but terrible) sense of realism to this story :)
OK, well, I'm so glad I came over to check this out. It's the first Benjy and Mary story I've read, and I do think these characters definitely deserve more love in fanfic :) Amazing work, really.
-tehAuthor's Response: Hi! I'm so glad you liked it! I haven't posted anything for awhile and I was nervous about what kind of reaction this would receive. Your review really helped reassure me, thank you so much for taking the time to write it!
I wanted to kind of show how desensitized they were to it and how death was now part of their everyday life. I'm glad that resonated with you.
It was really important to me that I included the conversation, for some reason. I guess I wanted to show Mary's evolution from this naive, hopeful girl to the defeated person she becomes. Even though she became a lot more negative, she still believed in the cause and fought for it. And yep, she was the one who killed Rosier.
I'm really happy you found it realistic! I ws really hoping it wasn't too overdramatic or exaggerated. Originally, I was going to include something about Benjy in that last line, but I'm glad I decided against it. I'm relieved all those things came across alright :)
I always try to write about minor/obscure characters, just because I like to explore their personalities and backstories a bit more, and I felt like giving that pairing a try. :) Thank you so much for this review, it made my day!
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