Hi! Just wanted to leave a review :P
I loved the beginning. It was great. The detail with Molly's character and her surrounding is amazing. I really like how you have it set up in the middle of another war.
Though I do have a few CC. The first is explanation. In the beginning everything's clear but as you get into the war things get sort of muddled and confusing. It kinda gets hard to follow what Molly is thinking and just a bit more explanation and detail would fix that I think.
Great start! I hope you'll update soon =)Author's Response: Hey! =3
Thank youuu - I had a little bit difficulty with the beginning. I felt horribly awkward writing this, and I've never been good with starting a story.
I... confess. I personally haven't figured out what the war's about. I've considered a battle over chocolate, but I wasn't sure how readers would take it :') I mean to edit that as soon as I figure it out myself.
Thanks again for that lovely review, and I promise to do so as soon as I can. Report Review
It's crazy to think that that word hadn't been used since the war and that Molly and Lucy hadn't grown up hearing it, but it makes sense as they would have done anything to stop that word back after the war and stop pureblood and halfblood prejudices.
I like that she's siding with the Ministry just like her dad did at the beginning back during the second wizarding war.
This is really sad at times, with Percy crying and making me want to cry :-(
I can't believe that she's dead, and that James knows and her family doesn't, this is so sad :-(
This was wonderully described, I really want to know more and if she's ever going to see her family again? Or if she's going to be found out soon?
A very wonderful job hun! I loved this :DAuthor's Response: Tammi! c:
I knooow. I kind of thought that that would have been their ideal world - somewhere were this kind of thing was only reserved for history textbooks.
I guess you know that when things go wrong, everyone looks at the authority - the Ministry. And I suppose like her father, Molly did the same.
The war must have been pretty hard on Percy. With everything happening...
I can't tell you how much I appreciate this brilliant review, Tammi Report Review
Hi, this is Faux from the forums, here for the review swap! :)
I like the beginning a lot because it jumps right into one of the central issues of the story without any fluff or boring introduction. Keeps you on your toes and makes you want to pay attention.
I love Molly's character because she's strong and clever and ambitious. Definitely no danger of a Mary Sue here. I also love the issues that you deal with in this story, because it's pretty rare to find a well-written story that deals with a Next Gen war. So cheers!
I think that there are two things that this story could benefit from. The first is explanation - in the beginning, everything's pretty clear, but as you get into the war things get sort of muddled and confusing. The second is description.
Thanks for the swap! Hope this was helpful!
FauxAuthor's Response: Hey Fauz! c:
I... have never been good at fluff. It puts a smile on my face to hear you say you liked the beginning. I really loathe writing beginnings, and this was lovely to hear.
Really? I was a little worried about the Mary Sue. I imagine Molly a little bit of a Ravenclaw - and so in this story she did end up being a Claw. I considered her a Snake but couldn't really imagine that all that much.
I'll try to thicken the description - thanks for telling me that. And yes, I will defintiely figure out how to explain that all better. Truthfully, I confuse myself. Report Review
Wisty! Wow! This was awesome! I am so intrigued by your plot, and I cant wait to read further! I think you have a great story here.
Molly's characterisation is lovely, and I love the idea of her being a double agent. I like how she also has Marion's memories, but it is weird that she lost three months of her own. I'd like to know how and why that happened.
I am also quite intrigued by Casper and why he was faking, I do hope he doesnt suspect Molly.
I like the whole idea of the war against 'purebloods/halfbloods' by muggles/muggleborns. You have only touched upon it though, so I am dying to know more details.
But anyway, this was such a brilliant opening chapter and I am shocked that it doesnt have any reviews! But please do write and post the next one soon as I am very eager.
Great job! 10/10
P.S. I am favouriting this :) Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection