Reading Reviews for The force of nature
  
15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Siriusly89 Lightning

23rd April 2013:
Hi there, Siriusly89 here with your requested review, which is insanely overdue and I sincerely apologise about this!

Iím going to guess that the first person we come into contact with is a Muggle, due to their wish to become a doctor, not a healer. Yay! I love wizard/muggle ships, because its so fun seeing the wizard/witch try to explain. . . .ah. . .

Iím suspecting the girl ordering her Ďusualí is Lily, am I right? Iím right, I know Iím right!

Heís Irish! Instant connection. I love him already! And heís a Motherís boy, and for some reason I just find that really adorable. So I hope his mother makes a cameo at some point in time!

Wait, the waitress is Lily, never mind. . . .

I would recommend getting this beta read though, as there were a few grammatical errors, but other than that, it was a very nice introduction, and you have me wanting to know more!

Feel free to re-request, I promise it wonít take as long next time!

Author's Response: Hey,
Thank you so much for this review.
I'm thinking of asking for a beta, it would be a good think... I'll make a topic for it some day in the future :)

The idea of a muggle trying to find his way into the magical world always amused me, especially when they are grown up and don't believe things that easy any more. And there is the fact that he will have to learn to live with it over time... but first he has to find out and I'm not planning on letting that happen very soon.

I had a plan with this girl had ordered her usual, but I totally forgot about her. I have to give her a comeback, I think...

I'l definitely re-request, I liked your review.
Thanks again and till the next one :)
Maya


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Review #2, by Carolynn Thunderstorm

14th April 2013:
I'm here with a review!

Good chapter, I like Lily lying to Neil, adds drama!
With the whole story, I noticed that you may have missed words, don't worry I do that all the time. Good writing!

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for all your great reviews!!
I'm struggeling with the next chapter, don't really know where to go yet. If you have a suggestion let me know. I have a general idea of what I want but... yeah, you get the idea.

I was lovely to read your review and read your view on the story. Thanks again and I hope to hear form you again some time...

Maya


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Review #3, by Carolynn Bright as the sun

14th April 2013:
I'm here with a review!

Good chapter, I liked 'I might not be a top cheft but, I look good in an apron' a very good joke. I also like the fact that Neil's bad at cooking, It's a flaw that's funny. I forgot to mention that eariler too. Good writong!

Author's Response: Thanks!!
It's awesome to hear what you like most about the chapter.

Neil is my absolute favorite, he's very real to me, which means he needs at least one flaw (and he has many more...) I like the awkward sort of situations it presents.


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Review #4, by Carolynn Waves

14th April 2013:
I'm here with a requested review!

I like whant you did with Rose, she's a lot like her mother isn't she? (I'm not dissing Hermione)

I forget to mention Hugo when he made his apperence, I like his shyness. Good writing!

Author's Response: Yeay Thanks a lot!!
I am extremely fond of Hugo, he's one of my favorite characters. I have a little background story on him which I will post some day...

In my head Hugo is a mama's boy and Rose a daddy's girl, but Rose takes after her mother in many ways. I love the characeter of Hermione and I think that's why I want Rose to be like he :)

thanks again for the review!


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Review #5, by Carolynn By the light of the stars

14th April 2013:
I'm here with a requested review!

I like the cliffhanger kind of thing you left, it makes me want to find out more about Lily.

Neil seems a bit cautious. But that's probably because he has a crush on Lily and doesn't want to sound like a creep. Good writing!

Author's Response: Hey, thank you once again!
I read all three of you review at the same time :) made me feel quite good about myself.

I hope I've made you curious enough for you to want to read the next chapter...

I'm quite fond of my characters, really.
If you have any suggestions to make it better or ideas for scenes yet to come let me know, I love those things!

good night!


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Review #6, by Carolynn Pouring rain

14th April 2013:
I'm here with a requested review!
I like the 'friendzone' thing. It's very relateable for me and it's seems the most reaistic aswell which doesn't come that often in fanfiction. Okay, maybe this type of romance genre is common and it's my favourite.

Anyways, Neil sounds hard-working which is always a good quality. Lily seems more out there than Neil, a lot more outgoing. Good writing!

Author's Response: Hey, thank you so much again!
I like to hear that you like my writing! I try my best to keep some kind of tension between those two. It makes for awkward situations :)

thanks for the review!


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Review #7, by Carolynn Lightning

14th April 2013:
I'm here with a requested review!

It's a good start, I like the fact that your hinting Lily is a witch but Neil doesn't know it.

I can't say much about the characters yet since it's the first chapter. Good writing!

Author's Response: Wow, thanks!
I'm so glad that you like it so far. It worries me that so few people read it. Nice to know you think it's good :)


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Review #8, by soapman333 Thunderstorm

11th April 2013:
Yes!!! You name dropped for my sake?! I'm so flattered! That's it, Jack just beat Lily out as my favourite character!

I like this chapter (as per usual). I don't know, it's just progressing at a steady rate. I'm starting to see Lily in a new light, you know? She's not just a very sexy lady (I like how you nailed the guy's perspective, btw. We're oblivious to everything. I'm not even exaggerating here). She's struggling to understand muggles while keeping magic secretive.

Poor Neil, the firewhiskey really did a number on him, eh? I don't even like regular whiskey. I'm trying to imagine how intense firewhiskey would be :P

Anyways, update soon!

The plot is thickening, and I'm becoming more and more excited :D

Author's Response: I can't tell you how amazing it is that you like the story so much. It really is my favorite to write and I enjoy every bit of it.

I sometimes think my brain was meant to be a boy's brain really, I am quite as oblivious to most things. Like for instants when two of my friend started dating I didn't know about it till they told me, and by then they had been dating for a month!
I was a little embarrased by that, obviously.

I have never been wasted, so all the things I write about it are from stories others told me. I have had whiskey once, it really tastes awfull, doesn't it?

Jack is the image of the ideal boss. No boss I ever worked for was that nice.

I'll tell you when the next chapter is ready. Thanks for your great reviews, they make me want to write more :)

Maya


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Review #9, by soapman333 Bright as the sun

2nd April 2013:
I find that the more my significant other covers the food she makes in ketchup, the more burned it is. I've learned to become wary of ketchup covered entrees :P I eat them anyway, because I'm a good kid.

Oh Lily, seriously, I really enjoy her. A lot. I also feel like you're sneakily putting my name in every chapter (probably not), "Jack-in-th-box"? Eh? Yeah, I know I'm lame.

What a hectic chapter! Neil is such a good guy, I mean, he was super drunk, but he still didn't try to make moves on our little flirt of a girl, Lily. Come on, she's a huge flirt, but I like her spunk.

Anyways, update soon,
Jack

Author's Response: Lily, a flirt? I had no idea :P
No but seriously, that's where I was heading all the time. She goes a little crazy when fire whiskey is involved.
Neil might have wanted to try something on her... but he was a little to drunk for that. Or at least that's my theory.

I should really give him some action in the near future, but what's worng with a little suspence?

If you like it you can believe I put in you name on purpose :)
I won't deny it and I won't admit it. (do you enjoy it?)

I'll update as soon as my waiting story is validated, because the next chapter is kind of ready!

Please feel free to read it and leave a review on it if you want to!

Thanks! You're an amazing reader!
Maya


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Review #10, by soapman333 Waves

2nd April 2013:
Oh so they did kiss in the park? It was subtle :P Perhaps I'm just too oblivious for my own good. That is probably what happened...You should know how my brain functions.

Is it weird that I actually like reading about his muggle job? I know I'm on a potter realm site, but sometimes I get tired of reading about students going to school and snogging each other senselessly (ironic, because that is what I write...*stares at the wall in frustration*)

Ha, his handwriting is terrible...doctors have terrible handwriting. I got the joke ;)

I certainly hope Joel is allowed to kiss Sophia on the lips...she is his girl, right? I wouldn't want any other bloke kissing my girl. I just got shivers thinking about it, actually.

Oh snap, another sign he's in wuv! Unconsciously telling your best mates all about the girl you fancy, or constantly thinking about her. Neil, you stud.

Yup, I love Lily. Way to go, I generally dislike the main girl in stories!

Ha, "play" dumb. In my case, I don't think I'd actually be playing dumb. I am obnoxiously oblivious to much things that happen around me. Especially when a pretty girl is thrown into the mix.

Oh Lily...confusing signals. Well, not really all that confusing at all. She fancies him, he fancies her, all is well in life. If I were Neil, I'd just smooch the heck out of her >:D

Jack

Author's Response: God I love how you get into the story like that. It makes me feel really appreciated as a writer :)

I changed the thing about the kiss in the 3rd chapter... did I forget to change it in this one? Apparently so. I thought it said almost kiss... since he almost kissed her.
Please tell me how your brain functions though... that could be an interesting study for my story :)

Lily is confusing. Way to pretty and fun for her own good and Neil is just a clueless 19 year old trying to figure out what's going on.

On snogging in secret passages around a magical school... well I thought I'd write something different for a change. I started this story out with that in mind, but after about 4 pages I didn't like it anymore and deleted everything (or maybe not deleted but it's never going to go anywhere)

I'm still glowing form all the compliments, keep them coming I love the convidence boost :)

Maya


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Review #11, by soapman333 By the light of the stars

2nd April 2013:
Hello Maya!

I like this chapter a lot! Seriously, it was fluffy/funny and I absolutely enjoyed it! Look at how many exclamation points I'm putting in :P

Seriously, whenever I see my name, I smile.

All right, I think something that really sets you aside from the average girl writer writing a story from a male perspective is that you've got the nervousness/anxiety/obsession with boobs thing down! Extremely accurate, my dear. Why do guys like boobs so much? I don't know, but I'm glad that you acknowledged that Neil had a hard time looking away :P

I have a mild crush on your Lily. She reminds me of Ginny, and I'm a huge fan of Ginny! The book one, of course.

Oh man, the dramatic irony kills! We all know what's going down, but Neil doesn't. I like it so much.

Anyways, I'll probably drop by your next chapter now to see how it all gets resolved :O

Cheers,
Jack

Author's Response: Heey Jack,
You know how you can make me laugh? Well you do, and I think that's great.
I am absolutely flattered by you review. I'm feeling all fussy inside now :)

I do kind of understand that way guys think sometimes... I'm no expert or anything but still. I think most girls don't want to admit the fact that guys are attracted to certain parts of a girl, because they feel offended by it or something. I don't really know why they would have a problem with it but I think that's the reason why they don't make their guys look at them.

You just have to like Lily don't you! I do too... though I'm a straight girl so I feel more for Neil. If I would meet a guy like him I would surely fall in love. (is it strange to have a crush on you own fictional characters? I hope not!)

I was about to request for this chapter, I'm very happy to find you had already reviewed :)

Thanks!
Maya


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Review #12, by soapman333 Pouring rain

24th March 2013:
I really like this story. It's adorable :)

The interaction between characters is believable, and the plot is exciting :D I like how Neil is a muggle! It brings a different interaction to the novel that I don't see very often on this site.

Oh man, speaking of things I don't see on this site, you have Hugo in this story! I like this Hugo you've created. He's so shy :P Ha, which leads me into my favorite part about this chapter: How Neil describes Hugo before figuring out he's Lily's cousin and after he finds out.

It's so funny! Oh, and he can't cook for himself?! Geez, this guy is me. Like, literally, I totally relate to him!

Anyways, I guess I should say something helpful :P There were a few inaccurate words (just small mistakes), like you put union instead of onion, etc.

Nothing big, I would just re-read through it really quick and fix those ;)

Awesome, I really like this story,
soapman333

Author's Response: Wow, Thanks!!
If you like Neil now you'll have to read the rest, he get a lot more awkward and he's going to do a lot of stupid things.

I like that you like my version of Hugo, I once started a story starring Hugo when he's in first year, but it never got very far. I don't have a plot for him but I adore him as a character. If I get a plot I'll tell you.

I'll have to aske you to review my next chapter, because I love your compliments and I think you'll like to read it :)

Thanks again!
Maya


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Review #13, by soapman333 Lightning

12th March 2013:
First off, I wanted to say thank you for taking the time to read and review my silly stories :D.

Also, getting reads is really hard on this site now. Back before the books and films were finished, this site was just bursting with readers. It comes down to advertising now, or updating quickly.

Requesting reviews like this is a good start :D, the more reviews you have (sadly), the more people read your story. Oh, and if you're constantly updating and adding to your story, more people will read it because a good chunk of readers don't like only reading a couple chapters into a new story. I know when I started out, I'd only read finished works because a lot of authors abandon their works.

So, to sum that all up: Just keep writing and readers will come and go. Do it for the love of creating characters and plots :D

Phew, okay now on to reviewing:

The owner's name is Jack?! Jack is a good name! Especially for a restaurant named "The Beanstalk". How clever!

For some reason, I didn't realize your character was a guy until he saw Lily walk in...I feel stupid now. I don't think that's anything you did, I just want you to laugh at how silly that was for me to do.

The first encounter: perfect! Just as awkward as any guy is in front of a beautiful girl. Way to nail it.

I really like the idea behind this work, there are a few grammatical errors here and there. If you want, you could get a beta-reader to read through your work and fix silly things like that.

Anyways, it's an awesome start! The characters seem strong, and it flows really well. I'd suggest just advertising it more on the forums to get more reads. Oh, and update so that readers trust you enough to start reading it (there are a lot of abandoned works on this site).

Cool, feel free to re-request :D
Jack

Author's Response: Hey,
That was the longest review I've got so far! Awesome! Thank you for that!

I think it's sad that so many people abondon really good stories. It makes me check to see if it is recently added before I start reading a WIP story.
Even sadder is the fact that people base the quality of a story on the number of reviews... I like to read stories with few reviews and write to those authors, just to make their day a little more fun... Since I know how much fun it is to get a review.

I won't abondon this story to soon though, I like it. I like it too much, really. That's why it makes me sad that there are so few readers for it...


It sounds a bit silly maybe, but is Neil really a name for a girl? Not to make fun of you or anything, just wondering...

Thanks for noticing my clever little joke with Jack and the Beanstalk. I kind of like to put those things in story and I like to find them in others. I makes me smile :)
I can imagine that you like it, I would love to find my own name in a story, that's something that has not happened to me before.

I think you'll like the rest of this story too, if you like the first chapter... Neil is just really an awkward guy, he like Lily a lot and though she shows some interest she's a little distant at the start...

I don't know if asking here is enough so i'll aks on the forum too, but would you like to review the next chapter as well?

I'd love to know what you think of it. I know I liked to write it.

If you have any tips on how to bring humor into a story let me know, I find it hard to do somehow.


Anyways. Thanks for the great review and I hope to get an other one in the future.

x
Maya


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Review #14, by MissMdsty Lightning

5th March 2013:
Hello there! I'm here with your requested review!

I love NextGen but I've never really read a story that focuses on Lily Potter (II). I guess it's because the Marauder Era is one of my favorite in fanfiction and I just can't see a Lily without a James (that isn't her brother, that is.).

I like how the main OC here is Muggle. I think it's going to make for a very interesting story. I couldn't find any spelling or grammar mistakes, although, I have one thing I feel the need to point out.

Neil has known Lily for what, 12 hours? And he already thinks she is an amazing angel and all that. You have to be careful with character development, because NextGen characters are mainly OCs because we know nothing of them. You don't want Harry Potter's daughter to turn into a Mary-Sue!

Good luck with this story!

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for you review.
I know what you mean with you comment about Neil, it's something I'm struggling with too. I really think I want to much to happen in too short a time.

I definately don't want Lily to be a Mary-Sue, that was never my intention, she should be unique and something amazing but a bit strange all the same.

Do you have a suggetion how to change the beginning so it makes for a better start of the story?

I thought it would be an interesting view to write from a muggles perspective, since you can make them discover everything about the magical world, but it turns out to be a bit harder then I thought.
Any tips are extremely welcome!

thanks for your review and I hope to hear from you if you have tips.
Maya


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Review #15, by aquabluez17 Lightning

24th February 2013:
Hey! here with your review =)

This is a great start! It took me a while to understand that Neil is a muggle though. Maybe you could build that. Also in the beginning things are kinda choppy and are jumping everywhere which makes it hard for a reader to really pay attention when the story isn't focused.

haha Lily is so cute. I do wish we got more of both of the characters personalities though. just adding a bit more description and setting would help I think

great start!

Author's Response: Wow, that was fast!
Nice to know that it is a good start. I started the story thing Neil was a wizard and the beanstalk was a wizard lunchroom. Then somehow it changed and I liked it better that way.

Would you read and review the next chapter for me too or should I request that on the forum...

I think you'll like Lily even better in the chapers to come. She does not really the things I plan... she has a mind of her own.

thanks for reviewing... I'm going try and make it more focused.

x


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