Reading Reviews for Yellow
54 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Violet Gryfindor Chapter X

19th October 2013:
This ending is very sweet, filled with lots of hope in spite of the war that continues around them. I liked seeing how happy you made the ending because there are a number of ways it could have gone differently - Cho did, after all, almost miss seeing him off - but you found just the right way to satisfy readers while also maintaining the historical accuracy that's a major element of this story.

Again, I love the details that you've included, such as the bottle of red wine - a great luxury for the nurses no matter how cheap it may be - and the difficulty that the car had in driving over the rough road (since the cars they'd be using in France at this time would not be in very good repair). You bring this story's world to life in a way that looks so simple and effortless, and that is also very vivid - this chapter is especially easy to imagine, as though it were playing on a screen. It was fantastic how the descriptions intensified in those final moments, both with the kiss and afterward when Cho is inundated with thoughts of all the work she still has to do. She's still the devoted Cho that we get in the series, but you've importantly given her more to look forward to - her life isn't defined by Cedric's presence or absence.

(I also love how Cho thinks of using the serum on other patients despite what the committee ruled. Hopefully this isn't an error because it shows how practical and assertive Cho is - she knows what's right, and she's just going to go ahead and do it.)

This story is both a lovely wartime romance and an exciting medical drama, which makes it stand out a lot from the other stories I've been reading. As I've said in just about every other review, the world you've constructed here within history for this cast characters is incredible. The attention to detail makes the history buff in me squee (too much published fiction I've read isn't even half as accurate as this), and I've also enjoyed the development of these two characters and their romance. It's been a great experience to follow along with this story, and I'm looking forward to finishing more of your longer works in the future. ^_^

Author's Response: This chapter was a little tough to get right because I had to tie up a lot of strings, especially the love story that was threaded along with the darker, more complex subplots.

Hah, you know how I love my details. I always reflect on real life, when there is rarely ever just one thing happening at a given time. I rely on details to really fill in the gaps in the world around my characters and their momentary interaction. As you alluded to, it was also important for me to show that Cho's life doesn't end when Cedric leaves. She still has a mission to complete here, and I'm sure he'll be waiting for her when her service is concluded. I'm sure, too, that canon Cedric would have wanted canon Cho to move on without him as well.

Oh, yes, her assertion isn't an error! I think it shows her confidence that everything is going to be fine and that any small problems that emerge can be worked out in service of the benefits that the medication can provide.

It was so fun to really dive into this world of historical AU and to explore some new characters, some of which have been much-maligned in fanfiction. I'm proud of how things turned out and pleasantly surprised that people other than me, especially you, enjoyed it so much! I'd love to write another story like this sometime. Thanks again, Susan, for your wonderful comments and for seeing this through to the end. Hope to hear from you again soon :)


 Report Review

Review #2, by Violet Gryfindor Chapter IX

17th October 2013:
Oh, that ending! Cho doesn't care what the committee was saying about the ethics of human testing - she knows that what she did was right and that it saved Cedric. I love that she doesn't even stop to think about it at the end - she is confident with her actions and, furthermore, she's proud of what she's done. It's a great moment for her that reveals a lot about her character. She's almost a Gryffindor with the way she takes risks, but I also think that she wouldn't have taken the risk if she thought it too dangerous. In times like this, when so many are dying, one has to take on a certain level of risk to save lives - what Cho does reveals her to be a good Healer.

In this way, this chapter presents an interesting contrast between Cho - the field nurse, not yet completed her schooling - and the older, more experienced Healers. She takes initiative while they sit back and want to conduct tests. She improves Cedric's life while they want to test on animals and elves before allowing the potion to be used on humans. *cringes* You bring to light a significant issue that persists within medicine. They are very right to say that it could have gone very wrong and that human testing is unethical (and Cho using blackmail to make Cedric take it was definitely unethical - Cho the Gryffindor strikes again :P). At the same time, it's sad to see that the committee is preventing the potion from being used on others for such a long period. How many soldiers will suffer as a result of it? It's one of those questions of ethics that is impossible to find a perfect answer for. The way in which you've built it into this story adds a level of complexity that is astounding. This story has turned out to have a lot more to it than I expected.

Excellent work, once again! It's a wonderful experience to read your stories!

Author's Response: I was kind of torn between Cho's naivety, which I think was almost a given based on canon, and the sense that there's more to her and she has a lot of potential to be brave and competent and very generous (which is also represented in canon post-Cedric). I think she recognized here that she was at the forefront of something big and that her colleague needed her strength in facing the wrath of the human rights and ethics board.

Anyway, I like what you said about the side of the ethics board. I agree that they're not in the wrong; they're emotionally detached from the case and feel like the right path is one of caution and protocol. They don't want to be another story in the big book of medical ethics mistakes. To me, the fact that they allowed the trials to continue at all says that they believe in the same spirit Cho and Oliver believe, which bodes well for the future here.

Thanks for another lovely review!


 Report Review

Review #3, by Violet Gryfindor Chapter VIII

17th October 2013:
This chapter turned out really well! It contains a lot of little details that are just wonderful, particularly Mariam's reference to Cedric as "lover boy" (I giggled in spite of myself at that). The description of the owl at the end also stood out - again, it's the level of detail that is impressive. There's something very tangible about its presence - it's not merely there as a messenger, but like the owls in the books, is a real creature. You take very great care with the story and the world in which it takes place.

This carries through into Cedric's melancholy and anger - he does not know how to express it, and thus lashes out at anyone who gets near him. He's so consumed by his grief that he doesn't seem to remember the kiss, nor does he think about the potion - the two things that are foremost in Cho's mind. All he can think of is what the war has done to him and his friends - even when he yells he doesn't realize that he has his voice back. It's fantastic to see that depth of emotion in a story, to have a character not even realize that his body has healed because he's overwhelmed by grief. It's a very realistic portrayal of grief, and while I'm not surprised that you would include this in your story, I still want to say, kudos to you. It's excellent.

The chapter as a whole is very well-written, doing a lot with both character and plot development. It's amazing how much you did in a chapter of 1100 words!

Author's Response: Susan, I'm so terrible for taking forever to respond to your wonderful reviews. I'm sorry! Hopefully I can stay on top of things a little better once I catch up again.

I loved writing Miriam so much. She was so spunky in the face of such dark themes, and I pictured her as this wise older woman who could be a role model for Cho. She's probably witnessed the pattern of a soldier and nurse falling in love several times and chosen to view it with a mixture of admiration and caution.

I wanted to show a contrast between the experiences of Cedric and those of Cho. Cho sees a very limited view--only what comes through the hospital doors, and most of the soldiers who survive their injuries seem to lead a relatively calm life while healing. Cedric, meanwhile, is haunted by his past and his regrets and hasn't told Cho even a fraction of what he's been through. Thus, it's difficult for either of them to understand what the other person is feeling. I'm really glad you liked seeing that and picked up on the contrast.

Thanks again for your lovely review :)


 Report Review

Review #4, by GryffindorSeeker4 Chapter X

8th September 2013:
Cool story! It's really original and I love how you made it historically accurate. The interaction between magical and muggle people is interesting - I'd love to see more!

Author's Response: Thanks! Historical accuracy is a theme you'll see in several of my stories. I did think it was cool to mix the magical and Muggle worlds in this tumultuous time, especially with the use of some familiar Harry Potter characters. There is some more of that mixture in "Diamonds into Coal."

Thanks for your lovely review!


 Report Review

Review #5, by nott theodore Chapter I

6th September 2013:
Hi Amanda!

I'm here for review tag. I should tell you that I'm not normally a fan of AU stories, but this one has been highly recommended to me and your writing is always brilliant, so I wanted to give it a try!

I really like the concept of a story that explores the relationship between Muggles and wizards and one that's set against the backdrop of the first world war. Historical settings always interest me, and WW1 had such an enormous effect on the world in the last century that it's really interesting to view it from this perspective.

The use of imagery was great in this chapter. It was quite heavy, but since this is the opening chapter it didn't feel unbalanced at all. One of the great things here was that I still managed to build a picture in my mind of what was happening despite the fact there's little visual description. This chapter was one that utilised the other senses a lot more and it's not something I've seen done before, but I really liked it.

The style you used for the narrative here was extremely effective; I felt almost like I was pulled around with Cedric's thoughts and senses as I read and it helped me to place myself right there in the story. The chapter was quite disjointed, and almost jarring at times, but it reflected the sort of disorientation that Cedric is feeling at this point.

I really enjoyed the contrasts between the harsh realities of war and the warmer memories from home. They help to bring home the horror that went on everyday at this time, showing Cedric as a young boy who's joined up and is in way over his head. Since he's had to drop out of school to fight then he must be one of the thousands of boys who were sent out to face something they should never have had to. The way that he clings to the happy memories of home in his pain and distress really helps to bring those realities home.

I'm really interested in how you'll continue this story, especially with your background in psychology - I suspect there'll be some exploration of the psychological effects of war and the way that different people deal with it. Anyway, this was a great chapter and I'll be back to read more soon!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi Sian, thanks for stopping by!

I thought World War I would be a really interesting period to write about, especially with the addition of magic. Some of the weapons introduced during this conflict might have seemed like magic to people because they were so strange and deadly. I also just thought it was a great backdrop for a really classic love story.

I did try to focus on the other senses a lot because the chapter is sort of written from Cedric's limited perspective. I need to make a point to try to rely on more than visual imagery in my other stories because I got a lot of compliments about that part of this chapter. You really pinpointed my intention that the chapter's disjointed, confusing structure would mirror Cedric's uncertain feelings, too, so that makes me happy :)

I think a lot of wartime stories on HPFF seem to leave out the idea that these are just kids who probably wouldn't be totally mature and able to handle the harsh reality of war. I really tried to play up the idea that Cedric could be homesick and unsure about the future and grow a little bit after looking back on his eagerness for battle.

I do delve a little bit into the psychological effects of war in this story, though I guess it becomes more of a major theme in my upcoming novella. Hope you do come back soon to read more of this story!

Thanks so much for your kind review :)


 Report Review

Review #6, by Violet Gryfindor Chapter VII

1st September 2013:
Another really good chapter! It's been a while since I last checked in on this story, but there's only a few more chapters left to go, and I'm curious as to what will happen with the potion (and, admittedly, with Cedric and Cho :P). What I still like best about this story, however, is the historical detail, and once again, this chapter hits the mark in that regard. I actually haven't seen trench foot used in WWI fiction, yet it was a major infliction for soldiers, resulting in what Dean now suffers. It's one of those injuries that doesn't have any "noble" associations, but rather comes as a result of the terrible conditions of war, which is why writers seem to avoid it. It's an awful thing for Dean, but kudos to you for using it because it only adds another layer of realism to this story.

I particularly liked how you introduced Seamus's shell-shock. It's perfectly set in contrast with his joking line that nothing's wrong with him - it doesn't show, but it's still there. They're all maimed, inside and out. And their dialogue is stilted as a result - how they say they're just "fine", or respond with "right", and Cedric's repeated "I'm sorry". They're still trying to sound polite and normal, and I think this is a very important thing you've taken into consideration - it makes their dialogue sound strange, but that's the point. There's no way they can actually talk about the war or about their trauma - it's a white elephant in their conversation, preventing them from sounding genuine. You did a brilliant job with this, bringing the period to life in a horrifying, but honest way.

The characterization is also perfect here, the AU world blending seamlessly with the Potterverse - it's great to see these characters in a story, and I think you do a wonderful job at situating them in the WWI era. What I would have liked to see more in this chapter is plot development, preferably more about the potion - you start out with Cho detailing the results, and it needed more along those lines. The ending of this chapter is rather abrupt, so perhaps you could go more into what Cedric feels about the potion, or recovery, or something. That would be my only criticism of this chapter - it does some amazing work recreating the period and developing the characters, but it needs to be filled out in terms of plot development.

This is a great story to read and I look forward to seeing what happens next! :D

Author's Response: Hey Susan, thanks for stopping by again!

I actually really enjoyed writing this chapter because of the opportunity to incorporate some legitimate consequences of trench warfare. It was morbidly fascinating to explore injuries like trench foot and to think about how PTSD or "shell shock" would have been perceived during this time. Now I kind of wish I had explored more of how those perceptions could differ between magical and non-magical folk. As usual, you're making me think, and I love it!

You're definitely spot on about the dialogue. I meant for it to be a little too basic, a little too polite, because there are obviously some issues that they can't really discuss without accepting the fact that they've been forced into manhood. It's sad to think that just months ago they were happily spending their days by the Black Lake or stressing about their exams.

I see what you mean about the plot development, too. I purposefully tried to keep these chapters short but I think I could have done more with how the potion was made or how Cedric feels about taking it. I think this is a filler chapter in some ways and in other way it's not really a filler. I'll make a point to go back and re-examine it when I have a bit more free time.

Thanks for your lovely review, Susan :)


 Report Review

Review #7, by UnluckyStar57 Chapter II

6th July 2013:
Hi! I'm here from the B v. B review battle!

...Wow, I really need to make it a priority to read this whole story in one sitting. It isn't monstrously long, and it's SO marvelous. You've got description and dialogue and plot all perfectly laid out. It really is brilliant. :)

So, we meet Cho. She seems very different in this World War universe, but that might be because first, there's a war, and second, she's usually overlooked in fanfiction, unless she's pining after Harry or something. (This is just what I've seen.) But in this story, Cho is a warrior for a cause--a nursemaid, but a warrior nevertheless. She wants to help, using her skills to make the ailing men get on the road to recovery. It was interesting how Sister Miriam knew of Cho's magical abilities--she's a nun, and I'm not sure how accepting they are of witchcraft--but she didn't condemn Cho for it. Really, it's an asset to the cause, and the rebellious sister realizes it. Very good name choice, by the way! :)

And... Oh! Cedric! Now I'm curious to know about his past relationship with Cho. Did they date? Were they just friends? I guess I'll have to read on to find out!

This story continues to be AWESOME. I will definitely be reading more of it in the near future! :)


Author's Response: Hey, nice to hear from you again :)

First off, I'm so glad you're enjoying the story!

Cho does seem to really only take focus if Harry is pining over her or she over him in canon, and I was a little confused by that, because she's obviously talented and there must be more to her if she wound up in Ravenclaw. She did a lot of brave things and I could picture her trying to help out with the war and being willing to take risks that some other girls in her position maybe would not.

Miriam was one of my favorite parts of this story because she brought some comedy to a really bleak situation. I think you would have to be able to do that to put up with the difficult things that you would see as a nurse, especially in this time. I think she was probably more accepting than most of magic because she recognized that they needed all the help they could get in dealing with injuries coming from the front lines. Think of something like mustard gas--it would be brand new and really scary to a lot of people during this war, and maybe Miriam saw things like potions and charms as logical remedies for unnatural, cruel "magic" like mustard gas.

You'll have to see how well Cho and Cedric get along :) I think both of them having been Hogwarts students is a major asset to their relationship in this unfamiliar, scary place.

Thank you for this really lovely review!


 Report Review

Review #8, by UnluckyStar57 Chapter I

16th June 2013:
I'm here again for the Blue vs. Bronze review battle. You never disappoint me with your writing, so I knew that I should seize the opportunity to review you again. :)

So, I've been watching Season 2 of Downton Abbey lately, where William and Matthew get injured and wind up back in the Downton Hospital, and reading this story was sort of like seeing the scene from their point of view, which was really cool! Well, the mentions of magic had nothing to do with it, of course, but the style, description, and Cedric's returning memories definitely took me back to those times. (Not that I was ever in those times to begin with, naturally!)

I love the way that you set the scene with the swishing noise that brought so many memories to Cedric's mind. It created such a peaceful atmosphere, which was a perfect backdrop for his thoughts of home, family, and friends to play out on. The shattering of that atmosphere--when he remembered what had happened on the warfront--contrasted very starkly and very brilliantly!

The "show-don't-tell" technique is really displayed to its best advantage in this chapter. Instead of saying things like, "Cedric is in the hospital. He signed up for the draft at Hogwarts," you instead put Cedric's memories into his own head and let him think them by himself. That's something that I don't see a lot, and you just write it so effortlessly! It's really, really brilliant. :)

...I think I'll probably come back to this story and read some more later on today. I'm very intrigued by the unique setting and, of course, your fabulous powers of description!


Author's Response: Hello again :)

It's great to hear that you liked getting to see things from Cedric's limited perspective here. I thought it was a much more intriguing and imagery-friendly way to set the scene than "This is Cedric. He's in the hospital." I loved pushing the limits of his perception and imagining what it would be like to be in his situation, exploring the murky memories of his life at home and Hogwarts and what has happened to him since he joined the army.

The contrast between the wartime memories and the memories of home and school were meant to show Cedric's changing mood as his realization of the present became ever clearer. I'm pleased to hear it was effectively jarring and kept you interested in the chapter.

Thank you for your fabulous review, and I do hope to hear your thoughts on chapter two!


 Report Review

Review #9, by Violet Gryfindor Chapter VI

15th June 2013:
Another great chapter! I'm sorry to have not stopped by sooner, but it is a treat to come back to this very well-written story and get lost in its world. It's impressive how much you're able to include within each chapter - there's sufficient plot and character development intermingled with fascinating historical and medical tidbits. The descriptions are vivid and you also give your starring characters fantastic depth - I get a strong idea of their thoughts and feelings and motivations. All of these things enhance the quality of this story, and this chapter is a perfect example of why this story is so good.

Okay, fangirling aside, I was really interested in the details of this chapter, the little things such as the objects Cho discovers in the cupboard, the way that Cedric elevates Quidditch over all other types of physical activity (even though sitting on a broomstick can't be much of an exercise, unless you're a beater), and his reference to Finnegan and Thomas. Such detail fills out the world around the two characters and the little hospital, showing how many stories are ripe for the telling in this alternate universe. That's the most important part of world-building, being able to create that feeling of wholeness, of this story being only part of a larger world. You achieve this in a way that feels effortless, and it's amazing.

Cho's taken a risk in this chapter, and I like her ingenuity in using Cedric's own desire for his wand in her favour. Although it's obvious she likes Cedric and finds him attractive, her interest is more in the desire to heal and prove that the cure is a success so that it can be put to wider use as soon as possible. It's actually interesting to think about how Cho is really using Cedric as a guinea pig - this interest was only heightened by the way your narration focuses on Cedric's point of view in that segment of the chapter. Readers don't have access to Cho's mind in that moment, so, like Cedric, we're forced to trust her and hope for the best. You end the chapter on a light note, but there's still that uncertainty hanging in the background. Maybe I'm being morbid in having first misread Cedric's final thought as "he wondered if tomorrow he would wake up" without the last bit of sentence. One can't forget that the medicine is still experimental - what side effects will it have? What will it do to Cedric? What if it only works on magical people? Ah, too many questions (I'll just have to read on, I guess :P).

Excellent work with this chapter and with the story as a whole! I look forward to reading the rest as soon as I can! :D

Author's Response: Hey, I'm happy to hear from you again on this story! Your comments are really flattering; I had perceived this story and The Middle Man to both be somewhat simplistic compared to other things I've written, so I'm happy that it still has lots of layers of plot and characterization to entertain you :)

You know I love my details! I agree that it seems like you could pick a character or two and carve many different stories out of this world. It was so fun for me to try to add in references and build new opportunities for magic. I think that's part of why I love AU (despite my tendency to write canon stories).

Risk is definitely a big element here. When I wrote this, I thought of all the other patients and volunteers who underwent truly dangerous and deadly procedures in this time, sometimes quite unknowingly, because the potential results were too much to pass up. Both Cho and Cedric seem to be of that mindset here--as you pointed out, Cho is looking into the future and the opportunity to end the suffering she sees all around her, and Cedric seems to be focused more on the immediate reward of getting to leave his bed and perhaps getting his precious wand back. Either way, it's clear that a frightening amount of medical territory was unknown at this time.

Thank you for your fantastic review!


 Report Review

Review #10, by rogue_bludger Chapter V

13th April 2013:
slowly but surely i have been reading this and i love it. i love that oliver is now a part of the story :)
i can't wait to see what comes next!

Author's Response: Hello there! I'm always happy to hear from people reading my work, so it's great that you stopped by to leave a comment! Thank you!

I'm glad you feel like Oliver fits well and you liked seeing him at the bottom of that staircase. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story :)

Thanks again for your kind review!


 Report Review

Review #11, by rogue_bludger Chapter I

7th April 2013:
i like this so far. it's different, and interesting, and i'm looking forward to reading more!

Author's Response: Thank you! I hope you do :)


 Report Review

Review #12, by patronus_charm Chapter X

7th April 2013:
This is the last chapter? Wah! I've loved getting my Cho/Cedric fix , and I'll have to find it somewhere else now :(

You could almost tell it was coming to an end at the beginning of this chapter as it had this sense of optimism we hadn't seen in a while with them being able to have wine and Cedric being able to have fresh air. It was nice to end it on a happier note though :')

Then there was that feeling of horror when Cho's told that he's going to be leaving. My hopes began to dash a little as I was getting all excited for some fluff and t

Yay for fluff and Cedric being a charmer though. He was it was sweet when he was talking about wanting to see her again and that he would miss her. I was satisfied with that and then there was that hug and yay for Cho going to kiss him.

It was just a perfect ending to this lovely story. I'm so glad that I read this as it was beautifully written and so unique! I'm sorry if you find a load of typos in this, I'm writing it on
A phone which hates me :/

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: I'm glad you picked up on the "calm before the storm" atmosphere in the first few paragraphs of this chapter. Things are starting to look up for Cho and Cedric, and yet there is the need to have that bittersweet goodbye and transition.

I'm happy to hear that you liked Cho and Cedric as a couple in this story and found all their fluff tolerable :D It was important to me to have Cho seal the deal with that kiss at the end, given that Cedric made the first move before and got rejected and I've been building Cho up as a more headstrong character.

Thanks for this fabulous review, Kiana, and all of your reviews. They mean the world to me.


 Report Review

Review #13, by ValWitch21 Chapter X

6th April 2013:
What? But I wanted to see more!

I cannot possibly say enough how much I liked Cho and Cedric in this story, and though it ends on a hopeful note, I'm actually a bit disappointed because I was hoping for an entirely happy ending.

This was my favourite line: A car was slowly chugging up the road, struggling somewhat with the sharp curves and the growing incline of the hill.

Allow me to fawn over your description once more. This whole scene took place in my head, and I saw every single little detail -- it was beautifully written, and the flow was perfect.

My romantic half is throttling my other half right now, because I do like the ending: you give a sense of closure and continuity at the same time, if that makes sense.

However, I'm wondering if you'd consider writing a sequel? I feel like this could do with another chapter for some reason, probably only because I love your take on these characters!

I can't believe I won't be able to look forward to this anymore... It's the first time I finish one of your WIPs while having read it from the start, and I feel kind of empty now.

Oh well. I can still stalk your author page!

Brilliant final chapter &hearts

(Seriously though, I want a sequel).

Author's Response: Hey, I still consider it a happy ending. Cedric is healed and on his way back home to his family, Cho is still working on doing lots of good for other soldiers, and there is the promise of them having a relationship down the line when the war is over. I don't like to write "ride off into the sunset" endings all that much. I'm glad you still sort of liked this one.

To be honest, I haven't contemplated writing a sequel. I really didn't think people would like it that much, haha. I never rule out the possibility of returning to a finished plot and writing a second part, but for now, I don't have any intentions of doing so. It does mean a lot to hear that you'd be interested in one.

Thanks for this and all of your incredibly kind reviews, Val. They inspire me to write on.


 Report Review

Review #14, by lia_2390 Chapter II

5th April 2013:
I loved Cho's introduction in this chapter. While she does appear to be shy at first, there's this eagerness about her too. I remember you mentioned something along those lines in your Featured Story interview and I can see it now. She genuinely seems to care about what she's doing there in spite of the experience thus far, not being what she pictured it to be. Hee, she found Cedric's chart at the end. I like that you ended it there because there's absolutely no response from her (yet!). It leaves your audience guessing as to how she will take this. I assume she might recognise the name from Hogwarts :D Given that your chapters aren't very long, I can grasp more about her from her reaction.

The name Miriam is a good choice for this nun, she's a bit spicy and I love it. She's also a bit maternal too, she reminds me a bit of Madam Pomfrey actually.

Great chapter as always :)


Author's Response: Hi Lia! I'm pleased to hear from you again.

It's great to hear that Cho's characterization is coming out well. She needs some time to get her feet wet, but she grows into her new role efficiently. Cho doesn't actually recognize Cedric from Hogwarts, but they do find some kinship in each no longer being the only magical person in the hospital, and they'll get to know each other over the course of the story.

Miriam was one of my favorite characters in this story. I based her a bit off McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey and basically all the strong, no-nonsense women I want to be like. You're right, she has a soft side under all that.

Thanks for your kind review!


 Report Review

Review #15, by Debra20 Chapter I

3rd April 2013:
Hello Amanda! I've been curious about this story for some time, so taking advantage that there are several chapters posted already, I'll start reading it :)

Yours is the first chapter that will be submitted to my new "reviewing process". I have a tendency to gush a lot and be really excited, offer a lot of praise but not enough constructive criticism, or if I can't think of any CC, at least offer some helpful opinions on the piece, which is kind of sad because writers are always looking to improve. So I am now trying to make my reviews more helpful. Hope it works!

I was very surprised by the setting of the story. Even if the first chapter takes place in a hospital wing (or at least some sort of medical facility), the wide setting is World War 1. I am very excited to find out how Muggles got mingled with wizards during that time and what are the roles Cho and Cedric will play in the grand scheme of things. I think you took a bold choice in writing this AU, but if all goes well it will be even more worth the praise :)

I appreciate that your started off the story with a more internal conflict. Chapter 1 reveals us Cedric's own musings on war and we share his home longing, which I think is a great way of introducing a character, take a peek into his feelings, explore more of his thought process, in a few words, get to know the character better.

I also thought you handled the scenes very well. Even if Cedric barely opens his eyes, your choice of auditory words allowed us to see with out own eyes his surroundings. However, I've always thought you handled the delivery of scenes in a very captivating and vivid way, so there is no surprise there.

I am looking forward to see how all of this develops!

Author's Response: Hey, good for you! I think it's always good to try to put some critique into your reviews, as long as it's founded, but it's a good habit to practice delivering criticism respectfully and clearly. So please, don't hesitate to say what you feel to me!

I'm pleased that you like the setting. My favorite way of writing AU is just to drop canon characters into a new setting and see what happens with each of them. I really enjoyed twisting magical and Muggle medicine in this story, and it was fun to follow Cedric and Cho along on that journey.

The first chapter of this story is still one of my favorites. It's not much in the way of plot, but I think it's important to give people some of Cedric's perspective given that so much of the story is about what happens TO him. Cho gets a lot more head-space time comparatively.

Imagery really dominated this chapter, and I think that's part of what made it so fun to write. Keeping his eyes closed made it so that I had to use senses other than vision for part of the time, which is a suggestion made by a reviewer on another story, so I'm happy that worked out okay. I'll try to practice it more.

Thanks for your great review :)


 Report Review

Review #16, by patronus_charm Chapter IX

31st March 2013:
I liked that conversation between Oliver and Cho it was just so nice and friendly. It was a good contrast to see something so light hearted compared to the horrors of war weíre used to seeing in this story. I guess itís that glimmer of hope often found in war.

That hope was seen between them again when they were discussing the potion before going in. I was so excited for them too, because finding this would make a massive difference to the war effort, and theyíve discovered a new potion which is exciting enough on itís own! Then there was Cho being hopeful that she would make it back to school to sit her OWLs.

It was really interesting to find out the process of publishing (I couldnít think of a better word!) a new potion. I was nervous for them when they were talking to the committee. I felt proud of Cho on how she could answer their questions. There seemed to want to interrogate her a lot with questioning where she was based, and what she had to do with the potion.

I could see why Hermione was campaigning so hard for elf rights. It must have been horrible for them to be subjected to all those potions, and for the animals too. Then poor Oliver getting into trouble for only wanting to save someone. I almost thought his whole career was going to be over then.

The hope appeared again at the end of the chapter when they got the go ahead to do trials on the potion. I canít wait to see how this develops! I really enjoyed this chapter though, and it was interesting to see other aspects of the war other than on the ward :)

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: It's great that you get a glimmer of hope from the interactions between Cho and Oliver. I wanted to capture the excitement of scientific discovery and attempt to show that something positive could come out of the horror of war.

Maybe patenting is the right word? I don't know exactly. It's great that you could see Cho's strength shining under the pressure of the doctors' questioning. I'm also glad you picked up on the elf rights issue--after I wrote this, I started to wonder where the ethical lines would be during this time and how wizarding medicine might parallel that of Muggles. I would sincerely hope that elves were not still subjected to experimentation during Harry's time.

Thanks for your fantastic review! Hope to see you again soon for the tenth and final chapter!


 Report Review

Review #17, by Violet Gryfindor Chapter V

24th March 2013:
Ah, a change of scene! And a very good one too! :D This chapter was an excellent addition to your story, introducing not only the potion alluded to in the summary (perhaps it is - there could be more potions on the way :P) as well as another canon character. It was a delightful surprise to find Oliver Wood in that basement laboratory, just as it was to see a Miss Bell in charge of reception at St. Mungo's. I'm glad to see those two there, and I'll keep my eyes peeled for whoever else you might venture to include. ;)

Cho could have explained to Miriam about apparation, but now that I think about it, it probably would have caused Miriam considerable worry. If Cho can zap herself to London and back in seconds, what kind of people could magically appear in the hospital? Would Miriam try to take advantage of Cho's magic to ensure that the patients have enough supplies? I see some interesting problems on the horizon for Cho if she continues to go back and forth to London like this - she may have gotten away with it once, but with that ending, I have a feeling that Miriam won't let it pass by so easily next time. Though I would guess that Miriam knew from the beginning that Cho's family didn't live nearby, but if so, then why send Cho away? Is Miriam orchestrating this whole thing in a subtle, Dumbledore-esque way? It adds another interesting note of suspense to this story, and develops the Muggle-Magical aspect of the plot quite nicely. I have to admit that it's my favourite aspect of this story. It's hard to come across a story that explores it in such an exciting way.

Sorry if this review is a little rambling and unstructured - if there's anything specific that you'd like me to comment on in regard to this story, please let me know! I'm really enjoying reading this story! It's a original, wonderfully written, and keeps me wanting more - what else can a reader ask for? :D

Author's Response: Hi Susan! I'm pleased to see another review from you :)

I'm so happy you like seeing familiar faces pop up. To me, that's half the fun of these true alternative universe stories--looking at where I could insert a canon character and how the situation would interact with his or her personality. I like including them in small ways, like with Katie, and also making them front and center (in a way), like Oliver here. So yes, please do keep those eyes peeled!

I think Miriam, for all her tolerance, could get easily overwhelmed with magic, just as you would expect from the average Muggle. Cho has to try to navigate the delicate balance between using magic to help and not revealing too much of a world that is supposed to be hidden. I think it's a quite literal way of looking at the "do no harm" part of medical work. I think that's part of why Cho is so nervous about getting Cedric's wand; she wants to make him happy, and yet she doesn't know what foolish thing he might do with magic when he's on his medication or just has a moment or two of impulsivity. She's really in a tough position in this story, but I figured that was part of giving her a chance to shine and giving her some credit for her intellect. After all, she is a Ravenclaw student!

I will definitely let you know, and I'm glad you're enjoying it. At this point, any and all comments you have to provide are welcome. Speaking of wonderfully written AU fics, I really need to pop back over to Pride and Pestilence now that I see a new chapter posted. Hopefully you'll hear from me soon :)

Thanks for this lovely review, Susan!


 Report Review

Review #18, by Violet Gryfindor Chapter IV

23rd March 2013:
This is a very nice chapter! I was surprised by how upbeat it was, which makes it refreshing for a war-story and for many of the dramas that I've been following lately. That's why I couldn't resist using the word "nice" to describe this chapter. :D

Not that everything was happy - you still include enough reminders of the serious nature of the characters' circumstances that even though positive things are happening, it's impossible to forget that there's a war going on outside. That food won't last forever, and you also find a way of reminding readers that any of the patients could die at any time - most of them probably won't make it through the war, unless they're very lucky. Indeed, the Muggle patients in this story are lucky because of the magical help they're receiving. Is this the case in all the war hospitals in the world of your story? Or is it limited to a certain few hospitals?

I love the inclusion of the two European soldiers because so often in WWI stories, it seems like the English are the only ones there for some reason (which is always frustrating to see). It's good that Cedric is trying to communicate with the other patients - it's healthy for him and it means readers get the benefit of seeing more the hospital and learning more about the world you've shaped. :) That awkward silence between the three of them, though - it was perfectly done. It felt natural and right - all three understand that it could have been them, and it could be them next. Their lives are constantly at stake, and that must really be a difficult weight to bear.

There is one aspect of this chapter that I wasn't sure about, and that was the fact that Cedric doesn't seem to have problems swallowing the food even though his throat his sore. When one has strep throat, it hurts to eat to solid food, especially something as solid as roast beef and cheese, so you might want to adjust the descriptions in that scene. The beans would be easier for him to swallow, but that sandwich might pose a problem.

Anyway, I'll see how far I can get with this story tonight. It's an immensely enjoyable read and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next. ^_^

Author's Response: Thanks, Susan! Happy to see you back!

In my view, the statute of secrecy is still being enforced, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I can imagine a select few witches and wizards sitting down with Miriam and some other Muggles and saying, okay, look, we need to do something to make sure our people are being well cared for here. We have tools that can help you. I don't think anyone would ever formally say that it was fine to use potions on Muggle patients, though. More like a collaborative effort.

Anyway, I'm happy that you can still see the remnants of war behind the somewhat pleasant day-to-day narrative. People are dying, inside and out of the hospital, and the supply could run dry any day now. It's like when people write Marauder stories and leave out the war entirely--I just couldn't do that.

It's great that you liked Andre and Fjodor! They were just meant to add a bit of levity and variety, as you observed, and to allow Cedric to make some friends besides Cho. I'm sure he misses his friends from Hogwarts...

You make an excellent point. I've had strep throat and I know just how unpleasant that would be. I'll make a note to go back and edit that a little once the whole story is posted--at least make it so that Cho has to cut up the food into teeny, tiny shreds, or look up some alternative historically appropriate foods.

Thanks again! Hope you enjoy the rest!


 Report Review

Review #19, by ValWitch21 Chapter VIII

23rd March 2013:
He speaks!

I'm worried about the stomach ache though, and I hope it's not a major side effect of the potion because I swear that if something happens to Cedric I will cry.

Miriam makes me laugh. The way she referred to Cedric as Cho's lover boy was fun to read, I'm surprised Cho wasn't more embarrassed at the comment though! I'm not surprised she's suspicious of Cho, and I found that her questions about magic made her even more realistic. The only thing that I wonder about is the statute of secrecy: does it not come into order because of the war, or does Miriam have a particular reason for being allowed to know about magic?

I wonder what'll happen with Oliver and Cho's correspondance -- I've got a bit of a bad feeling about it (this seems to be a regular occurence when I read your stories, huh).

In any case, this was another lovely chapter, particularly with Cho wondering if Cedric is angry because of her reaction to the kiss, and Cedric grieving for Neville (brilliantly done, for the record).

I can't wait for your next update!

Author's Response: D'aww. Don't worry, Cho's taking good care of him :)

I think Cho would have been more embarrassed, except she's still hanging out on Cloud Nine a little bit with the return of Cedric's voice. I think Miriam knows what's up with the wand, but hopefully she wants to just leave the lovebirds alone for a while longer.

In my opinion, the statute is still technically being enforced, but the fact that this is a desperate time has called for people to try to find ways to work together. I would imagine that some witches and wizards found a way to work with Miriam in order to do what they could to ensure the hospital ran smoothly and that the wizarding patients were being helped. I don't think it would be realistic for anyone to give full-on endorsement to use magical medicine to treat Muggle patients, though.

Yes, I sense that! Well, keep an eye on Oliver and Cho. You haven't seen the last of them yet. Oliver is going to be important very soon.

Thank you so much for the lovely review, Val!


 Report Review

Review #20, by TheHouseElf Chapter VIII

23rd March 2013:
Hi Amanda, guess what? I'm back again!

I want to just cuddle grieving!Cedric :P And argh, he spoke, dear God! I'm worried now, I hope that's not the end of 'Yellow' just yet... I loved though how Cedric's first words were "It's a war.", you'd have thought he'd have noticed by now :P I joke ;) I also liked the part where Miriam asked about Cedric's wand, I wonder if she'll ever catch onto the fact that he has it with him? I hope she doesn't confiscate it all over again, the poor guy just got his voice back! And the communication with Oliver at the end- does that mean we get to see some more Wood in the coming chapters? I wish it does ;)

Girl, you have me hooked with this story :P

Author's Response: Haha, good, he needs a cuddle! I'm sort of hoping that the realization of his voice returning will take away from the awkwardness between them somewhat.

I think Miriam knows more than she's letting on, but hopefully she'll let it be and allow Cedric and Cho to keep working on what is best for Cedric's recovery.

Oliver will pop up again. I'm glad you like him!

Thanks for your fantastic review :)


 Report Review

Review #21, by TheHouseElf Chapter VII

23rd March 2013:
Hey Amanda! Gah I loved this chapter :D I feel quite useless, leaving gushing reviews without the hint of a critique, but I cannot fault you at all :P I loved the kiss between Cedric and Cho, it was cute, awkward and completely realistic ;) I laughed at the part where Cedric had to write down an "I'm sorry." instead of speaking it. But he's getting better! Oliver's potion is working, yay :D I also loved the part between Cedric, Seamus and Dean. No war is without its casualties, and although it's depressing to hear that Neville won't be making an appearance, it adds realism and makes me buy into the whole WWII situation even more.

Going on to chapter 8 now :D

Author's Response: Hi Aisha, thanks for stopping by :)

That's okay; I love gushing reviews. If you ever do have critique, please don't hesitate to drop it in the box, but if not, I can't complain! Haha.

I liked the awkward kiss. I felt like it would be this moment-by-moment accidental thing. The situation isn't conducive to planning or overt romantic gestures. Poor Cedric probably felt like it was the most natural thing in the world to cross the boundary in their building friendship and thank her for her compassion.

It's great that you liked the introduction of Cedric's fellow soldiers. The purpose there was definitely to dwell on the grim reality of war and to pause for a moment and think about how Neville won't return to Hogwarts and finish up his schooling when it's all over.

Thanks for your sweet review :)


 Report Review

Review #22, by lia_2390 Chapter I

23rd March 2013:
Hey Amanda!

I thought this story has a great concept. It's not the first time I've read about wizards being caught up in a war on the same side as the muggles, and historical fiction holds a spot very dear to my heart. If you haven't read 'The Traveller's Secret' then maybe you can whenever you have the time. Anyway, on to the review.

I like how you wrote this first chapter. Did you use stream of consciousness here? That's how it felt when I read it - very back and forth. When I got to the end and realised where Cedric was, everything came together then and it almost blew my mind a little bit. That was honestly really, really well done. At the moment, he wasn't quite there, perhaps drifting in and out of consciousness and nothing was quite clear to if he was in a fog.

I like how you mixed his memories to give us an idea of what was going on, no matter how brief they were. Considering they came to the forefront in such a vulnerable time, I suspect we'll be seeing more of them. Less is more. It speaks about the realities of some things too - the drafting process, dropping out of school, the possibility of not living long enough to survive it.

I'm really jealous at your description here, it's very vivid but at the same time, it's not overwhelming. It also suits the tone of the story (another aspect of it I like) as well as the theme. War is such a sensitive and brave topic to tackle when writing. But it's not always about the fighting, I guess it's about the people and how they deal.

This has given me a lot to think about. I think you've done a good job so far :)


Author's Response: Hi Lia! Thanks for stopping by for the exchange :) I swear, your one-shot is on my to-do list. It'll get done over the weekend for sure, and that's if I don't find time to do it during the week.

"The Traveller's Secret", hmm? I'll have to check that out sometime. Thanks for the rec!

It's SoC-like, I guess. That was sort of what happened. I just wanted to kind of let Cedric's senses drag me around and go where they wanted to, to ensure that the reader would really feel like he or she was getting the information as he would perceive it. That's probably why you're getting the sense that it was a little foggy and disorienting, as it would be for someone in this kind of situation. I wanted it to drive the conclusion home hard, so I'm glad you were happy with the way the chapter wrapped up. This first one is still one of my favorites in this story.

The memories served two purposes for me: one, they were meant to remind people of the reality of war, as you mentioned--Cedric is still just a young man who is clearly in way over his head, no matter how brave or prepared he thinks he is--and two, they were meant to show his emotion in these moments. He's hurting and he misses home and he doesn't like not knowing where he is or why he ended up here. You can imagine that making a friend might help ameliorate that :)

I do think a lot of the fascinating parts of war-based stories are the psychological ones. Now, I'm obviously biased, but I like seeing people at their most and least resilient, and watching how their desperate situations affect them and change them--for better or worse. I'm proud of the imagery in this chapter, and I'm pleased to hear that you enjoyed it, too.

Thanks for your fabulous review, Lia!


 Report Review

Review #23, by patronus_charm Chapter VIII

23rd March 2013:
Poor old Cho, getting worried that he was really hurt about her reaction to the kiss. I thought that was the case too, as it seemed like it would be something Cedric would, as he always seemed more like the silent protestor than more vocal one. I liked the little notes that he wrote to her, there were just so sweet and it was so romantic, even though Cedric is now cured Iíll be sorry to see them go.

I liked Choís little observations of Cedric such as seeing the blonde in his hair from the light. It just shows how much she had been looking at him, and noticing him. It gave me some nice fuzzy Cho and Cedric feels.

I thought you wrote Cedricís grief over Neville excellently. You could really sense the sorrow he was feeling, and over his other friends too. I could understand why he wouldnít want to talk about it, because I suppose he must be feeling some levels of guilt that he survived and Neville didnít. At least he was trying to be rational about it by saying that everyone got hurt in it. And it made him speak! That seemed to boost his spirits considerably, and he just seemed to have this spark in him when he realised that.

Miriam was great! It would have been funny if a wand did have funny affects if it had ended up in the hands of muggle, and they somehow managed to do a spell, the consequences of it all would have been dreadful. Of course she would have her suspicions about Cho, I already knew that she must know more by calling Cedric, Choís lover boy. I doubt that Cho will reveal anything as we saw how much the wand meant to Cedric and it would be mean to take it away.

That letter sounded just like Oliver, I think it was the use of the word smashing it just seemed like a very Oliver word. It is getting exciting though, with Cedric now beginning to recover, and then possibly taking the potion to St Mungoís. With Cedric recovering though, it makes me wonder what will happen to Cho and Cedric once he leaves. Hopefully thatís still far off.

Another excellent chapter Amanda!

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Hey Kiana!

Aww, I'm glad you liked Cedric's notes. They were obviously a necessity for him while he was without the use of his voice, but I like that you read a little bit of sweetness into the gesture. Like any young man, Cedric has his share of pride, and I'm sure it hurt a bit to be rejected after having built up somewhat of a relationship with Cho, even just a platonic one.

I wanted to give the sense that Cho pays as much attention to Cedric as he does to her. Their affection for each other is mutual.

Yeah, I think Cedric definitely has some survivor's guilt. He probably wishes he had been back on the battlefield to help his friends. I'm happy you can see how he got so emotional and liked how it climaxed in the surprising realization that he could speak again.

Miriam seems like one of those old ladies who would have eyes in the back of her head. She knows that Cho dotes upon Cedric, and I'm sure she can put two and two together. Thankfully, if she knows something, she seems unwilling to spoil it for the two of them, especially given that it seems to help them both (giving Cho a renewed sense of purpose and Cedric a few bright moments each day).

I love 'smashing', so I'm glad you did, too :) As for the pace of the story, stay tuned. There are still some significant moments remaining.

Thanks for your lovely review!


 Report Review

Review #24, by patronus_charm Chapter VII

16th March 2013:
WAHYAYAYAYAWAH! THEY KISSED! Even though it was really chaste, and Cho didnít even kiss back, it was the biggest development in their relationship so far. I was wondering whether something would happen due to Cedricís observations of her beforehand, as they seemed pretty intimate to me, then the kiss came along and it was great. It was just so unexpected, and you couldnít predict it happening, I think Cho felt that too!

Then Dean and Seamus appeared and it was great. Dean reminded us that war does have a lot of bad consequences for some, with him being in the wheelchair, and it slightly tinged the fluffy mood I was in from the kiss scene. When Cedric met a slightly sadder face, it made me want to cry. That brief description seemed to convey so many emotions, and I just couldnít help but pity Dean.

Seamus and Dean seemed like such good friends, and you seemed to show how deep their friendship was due to the unconditional love they seemed to have for one another. I donít think many best friends would be willing and able to look after someone who had lost their foot and was now wheelchair bound, so it was lovely to see Seamus take up that role.

Then poor Neville, when I heard that, I think tears actually appeared. The way Seamus described Nevilleís death though, it seemed fitting that he went in that way, as Neville had turned into a true hero by the end of the books, and that was reflected by his death. Iím guessing the nurse was Hannah Abbott, and her dropping the tray of food was in response to Nevilleís death?

I am really enjoying the mixture of muggle medicine and magic, it just makes it so much more interesting to read, and it shows what possibilities there could be if you could combine the two. It was another excellent chapter Amanda!

Happy Birthday again, and I think I will read Post Scriptum, as it sounds really interesting :í)

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Cho definitely was not expecting to be kissed. I'm happy that it was unexpected and yet you could sense a lead-up to the moment. The pacing here is pretty slow, since they don't know each other that well, but I couldn't resist including a little romantic moment in this chapter.

I wanted to return readers to the real mood of war in this chapter. Cedric actually has it pretty easy, compared to his comrades. I think it's not only sad that four formerly young, healthy boys have lost so much to the war, but also that poor Cedric has to hear the news after the fact when he's unable to help. I'm sure it really broke his heart.

I think it's great that you focused on Dean and Seamus's friendship. They seemed like best friends in canon and I couldn't think of a more appropriate pair to include in these roles. It's nice when readers can pick out the nice side of a really tragic, sad chapter.

Hannah's appearance was just meant to be an allusion to canon, not a direct reference to her relationship with Neville, but I can see how you could pick that out based on her actions. I'm happy you found Neville's death fitting, though.

Thanks so much, Kiana, for the birthday wishes and the sweet review! I would love to get your feedback on Post Scriptum :D


 Report Review

Review #25, by ValWitch21 Chapter VII

16th March 2013:
It was strange, sitting inside and observing the change of the seasons rather than living it day by day as he stepped out for each Quidditch practice and game. At least he was comfortable, though. The ache in his throat had dulled since his last attempt at using his voice. His stomach hurt a little, though he couldn't tell whether it was from having to miss breakfast that morning or if it was an effect of Choís potion.

You have such a beautiful way of describing the most simple things. Ooh, so Cho's potion does seem to have worked! And of course, boys and food.

As she leaned forward to replace the bandage over a cut on his collarbone, he boldly moved closer and placed a kiss on her cheek. Cho blushed heavily, shocked at the contrast between the warmth rising beneath her skin and the cool, soft touch of his lips. She turned her head to the side, accidentally brushing those lips with hers as she tried to flee from him.

Yes! Chodric (I have no idea what to name this pairing) action! I can't help but spot the similarity with Diamonds into Coal, because in both cases your male characters do something that's not entirely socially acceptable -- and of course I adore those moments! Cho feeling awkward is adorable, and a nice change to the bold, daring person we've seen previously -- after all, she's only a girl.

Poor Dean! I love the way you keep reminding us that this is a war, even if it means putting innocent characters that we love through suffering.

Neville, boo. I'm assuming Hannah dropped the tray because she heard? I'm inevitably drawn back to your one-shot that I read the other day, so I feel even more miserable for Neville.

Hmm. I wonder about Seamus' reaction.

I'm really waiting for chapter eight! &hearts

Author's Response: Hah, thanks! I'm glad you like the description.

I don't know that I'm satisfied with Chodric, but it's usually what I default to for Cho/Cedric :) (Cedro? No, not much better.) I do think a lot of my stories end up paralleling each other, though it's not really intentional. I'm happy you like seeing multiple dimensions of the main characters--Cedric breaks out to kiss the girl at last, and Cho reacts nervously. You're right, it does seem to be a contrast.

I actually just meant for Hannah's appearance to be a small testament to canon rather than a direct reference to Neville's death, but I can definitely see how you could pick out a pairing there. As for Seamus, he's still suffering from the trauma he experienced at war, even off the battlefield.

Thanks for your amazing review!


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>