1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Iellwen the clock sings

9th January 2014:
Hi there!

I think it's a shame no one has bothered to review until now...!

I really enjoyed reading this chapter; I especially liked the way you use Hermione's POV and write in the present tense as it sets an interesting tone to the story. I loved the way she always thinks of him, missing him.

Since this is your first fanfic, I'll allow myself to pass along two tips I've been given. :D

First and, in my opinion, most importantly: avoid unnecessary information like the clothes she wears and the make-up she applies as soon as they have nothing to do whatsoever with the progression of the plot. The only moment you should describe clothes, makeup, accessories etc... is when it's relevant to the context. Like in a fashion show, for example.

Second (also very important^^), always air your paragraphs to separate different ideas and thoughts so as to ease the reader in your story, the POV you use (point of view).
It also eases the flow that is the progression of a plot... :)

Also, I recommend applying for a beta-reader (in the forums for example) since, in my short experience, it helps a lot to have a feedback along with a correction especially since there are many shy readers out there that read without reviewing...^^ (you can also apply for reviews with constructive criticism in the forums, btw!).

About your story itself: you're obviously went OOC (out of character) and started with a passionate and secret Dramione right off the bat - I personally didn't mind since the how they got together part can always be revealed in later chapters or doesn't even have to be relevant depending on what kind of plot you decide to weave.

All in all, you HAVE to update with the next chapter(s) since I feel this story could get really fun. :)

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