Reading Reviews for Magic in the Walls
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Frankie05 Potter in the Ward.

19th July 2015:

Here for House Cup 2015- Gryffindor

This is beginning to look like a story I am really going to enjoy! I always applaud writers who write in the form of OC and we see canon characters through their eyes. It was interesting how you started the story. Of course, the castle would be fortified more, I just never thought of that. I liked how you addressed Hous unity and the fact it has become stronger and the classes were not as Gryffindor/Slytherin which seemed to cause a lot of stress. And then the bit about Malfoy and Nott still being little dweebs was great! I liked that you showed that sometimes families pass down traditions that aren't so great.

It was interesting to me that you had your main character - one be a Finnegan and two- fight the two boys himself. If he is James best friend and Albus hangs out with Mafoy and Nott- did these two younger years try to take on an student in the older year? Besides that bit of confusion- everything lined up splendidly. You did a wonderful job explaining why he was in the hospital, his feelings for James, his magica ability. It was great. I am confused why Ginny Potter slammed into the Hospital Wing but that's okay. I don't know if you ever plan on starting this back up, but I would really enjoy it.


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Review #2, by Scribblings Potter in the Ward.

14th April 2014:
I like this so far ;)

Author's Response: Thanks so much!

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Review #3, by LilyLou Potter in the Ward.

4th July 2013:
LilyLou here with your requested review!

So, I figured I'd just read this first chapter and go through different things about this. You asked about General Quality, so I am going to go through and tell you the pros and cons of this chapter each in turn! Beware of Constructive Criticism. Please, don't take anything I say the wrong way, I'm only trying to help and am in no way saying you're a poor writer in any form.

-Okay, so I've noticed your quotes need a bit of work. The punctuation of it is an easy fix, though! For example, in this, "I would give it more like five" , you should have a comma just after "Five" and before the quotation. I have a pet peeve about stuff like that, so I couldn't help but point it out! It's easily fixed!

-You also asked about chapter length. This is a VERY short chapter. I personally don't like to post anything less than 1300 or so words, unless it's a one-shot. In this case, it's not. A long chapter also holds attention longer, and it gives the reader more of a chance to decide whether or not they want to keep reading or not. By combining chapters or adding details and depth to a chapter is an easy way to make that word count go UP!(:

-Run-ons! You seem to enjoy writing run-on sentences!(: It's an easy fix; go through and pick out your run-ons. Break it up into a few different thoughts covering that one big jumble of words, so it's not a run-on, but multiple complete sentences and thoughts.

-The Characterization. Well, there really wasn't enough of them to tell me much at all in this chapter. Add details about James and Blake. Describe them, add details. You'll notice how some authors will launch into a small story or description of the character in the middle of something before returning back to the original scene. This helps the readers learn more about the character, to make the character more realistic. You want your characters to be realistic.

I hope you didn't take anything the wrong way. Not many people can write, and you writing this is a big jump! You're a very good writer. Keep writing, and I hope this helped in some way or another.

Keep writing!


Author's Response: Thank you so much! I completely understand the need for constructive criticism. I did get a beta and some of the items where fixed and I will look into fixing some of the other things. Once again thanks!

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Review #4, by Caska Potter in the Ward.

1st May 2013:
I really like the detail you put into the spellwork, how there are new spells but they still make sense within the Harry Potter universe.

I also like how you've portrayed Ginny as a protective mom; it seems to fit her perfectly.

All I could possibly ask for would be more detail. I really want to know exactly what's happening; this story's interesting.

Author's Response: Thanks so much :D I finally got the second chapter done now it just to be posted and it has a lot more detail, I wanted to introduce my main characters for now ;p

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Review #5, by TheHeirOfSlytherin Potter in the Ward.

18th April 2013:

So, I enjoyed this first chapter. Blake seems as accident prone as his father (I assume he is Seamus Finnigan's son :P) and just as adorable. I love that he's friends with James, though I wonder why they'd call James' mum and not Blake's mum.

The only thing I wanna to mention is the last big paragraph; all the talking is there and it was kinda confusing I'd suggest breaking it up. :)

Other than that, I really liked this!

I'll look out for more.


Author's Response: Thank you so much! I pretty much had given up hope on this story until this review :D not to mention it being from one of my favorite authors on this site. Looking back i did notice what you meant, and I found a couple more mistakes I want to fix.

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