Reading Reviews for Circumstance
  
16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ATLpaintingflowers Circumstance

14th July 2013:
Tag!
Wow this was really good, and really very original. I was really into this. You wrote this really well, the vocabulary was really good, and your descriptions were immaculate. I could literally see everything in my mind, kind of like a movie. It had the right amount sadness and morbidness and regret. I really liked it. You pulled off Snape's character flawlessly, he wasn't the typical dark arts obsessed creep, it went much deeper. I really liked this.

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Review #2, by marauder5 Circumstance

6th June 2013:
Wow, this was really good! So you said that this was rather biased and yes, I agree. I like Lily and I can tell that your view on her is a lot different from mine. But nonetheless, this was so beautifully written, I love the style of it and the story itself is great.

"When we take our last breath, we do not pray for forgiveness or count regrets. Instead, we beg for one last chance; the one in a million chance to haunt the dreams of a mind feverish enough to turn us into something beautiful." - Wow. That is just absolutely amazing writing!! I love how you tied it all together in the end when Lily thought that only in Snape's twisted mind, she could be truly beautiful. I think that was my favourite part of the entire story!!

I do have a little CC for you. The first one is Lily's characterization when she's talking to Snape about getting revenge on the marauders. I just can't see that happening. She's so against any dark arts, I just don't believe that she would want to physically hurt them. I'm sure she'd detest a spell like Sectumpsempra, and that she'd only agree to maybe humiliating them or hurting them verbally. Especially since we see in Snape's memory of her how she's basically disgusted with the actions of his future Death Eater friends, because she hates violence. Well, this is my personal opinion of course, and you ARE allowed to disagree ;) haha!

The other thing is the tense you write in. I felt like it changed a lot, and in some places you could make it easier on the reader by keeping the same tense. For example, in this paragraph: "And Snape? He is skulking in the shadows, clenching his diploma and massaging his stinging left forearm. By then, he had already sold his soul. And, to him, Lily Evans was already dead."

Here's how I would write it: "And Snape? He is skulking in the shadows, clenching his diploma and massaging his stinging left forearm. By now, he has already sold his soul. And, to him, Lily Evans is already dead."

I hope you understand what I mean :) And these are very minor things. All in all, I think that this was REALLY good, I'm glad I came across it and you wrote it beautifully!!

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Review #3, by Remus Circumstance

24th February 2013:
Hey!!! So Perelandra here from the forums. So sorry that I've taken forever and ever to come and review this. However, I'm here! Ready to tackle this! :D

I really liked your portrayal of Snape. Whenever I read Marauder fics, specially those surrounding Lily and Snape, they tend to sort of put Lily on a pedestal and worship her while Snape just becomes the 'evil one'. Don't get me wrong, I like Lily but I understand what you mean.

Snape here is so angsty and I love it, however, there were some points where he sounded a bit melodramatic at times. For example:

'"I can get the Potter boy to go anywhere, really. It's almost pathetic how he follows me around."

A dull pang pierces Snape's stomach at her words'

Why is he feeling the 'dull pang' when Lily is being very clear that she doesn't like James? He mentions that perhaps there was already an inclination that Lily liked James, however, as the reader...I only see a very angst-ridden Snape.

Lily here was fantastic though. I LOVED the fact that she wasn't the loving, happy go-lucky, bubbly and smart girl I usually read. She was a fierce girl that didn't take a 'no' for an answer and that seemed to hate the world. Haha. Or at least seek revenge towards the Marauders. This is a much darker side of Lily that I've never seen and I definitely enjoyed that! In fact, any fic with Dark!Lily would be great in my books. XD I want to know, however, WHY is Lily going after the Marauders. Is it just because they think they're "awesome sauce" or because they did something in particular? Anyway, just my curiosity wondering about the events that lead to this.

There were times that I got a bit confused as you seemed to be jumping from one part of the story to back to the present then back to the future. Perhaps its really just me but I wanted to point that out just in case.

Overall this didn't feel that cliche in my part. Just a tad bit melodramatic in some parts. I really enjoyed reading this! :D

Until next time!

--Rosie

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Review #4, by teh Circumstance

12th February 2013:
Bahaha! Ran out of space! but I don't have a lot more to say anyway...just that this has really been a wonderful story and I've enjoyed reading. Always love your characterisations and your ideas :D

Ooh, forgot to mention how much I love these lines:

Even the strongest find themselves looking for somewhere to place the blame. And the smartest know to search for it in circumstance...

...Sometimes, circumstance has a name. In this case, its name was Harry Potter.


Oh you tie things up so nicely! Sigh, really shows how Snape is going to lay the blame thick on poor Harry :(

Anyway, great work with this! And apologies for taking such a long time to review this! Thanks for requesting :D

-teh

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Review #5, by teh tarik Circumstance

12th February 2013:
Whiskey ♥ Aaaah...I know I'm pretty late with this review :( Just that it's been the lunar (chinese) new year and I've been incredibly busy these last few days with all sorts of things and while I've had time to drop in and out of the forums/archives, I haven't really had the time to sit down and give a thoughtful review.

Well...wow. This is a very wonderful story, and I'm impressed as always by your take on canon characters and how you perceive them. I appreciate the level of detail and depth you've gone into to analyse these characters, and why they are the way they are, as well as put your own unique spin to them. I really am not a big fan of fics with a Jily or Snily pairing (or most popular ships) to them because well, Lily's character is simply replicated in story after story. But oh goodness, your Lily is such a breath of fresh air. She's fierce, spirited, lively - just like Lily in most stories - but you've also shown a different and very original side to her: how she is a power hungry person with a slight vindictive streak to her, at least through Severus' eyes. She reminds me a little bit of your OC, Morgan! (That's a good thing because Morgan is an incredibly well-developed OC). Also, I love the line: she will go down in history as a mother and a wife...ultimate feminine power, the embodiment of love. Ooh, such a lovely deconstruction of Lily's character and the way she's raised high up on a pedestal by history and the wizarding world :D Can I say that it's also a nice subtle commentary on how Lily is portrayed in fanfic?

And of course, I don't need to tell you how good and how in-character your Severus is. His narration is quite intense, you've depicted his obsession with Lily very convincingly, and he comes across as sort of tormented, sullen at times, impassioned, and with an affinity for the darker side of things. So, lovely work on characterisation here.

You asked me to point out cliches and melodrama so that's what I've been looking for in your story. Also, I read your other reviews, and Elphaba below me has pretty much given a very detailed review on the cliches present in your narrative and I agree with some of the things he/she said.

These lines:

Knowledge is power. Also, it's energy.

It roars and tears at the walls of the soul that confines it, aiming only to break free...suffocating the flames only to keep them safe.


are a little bit of a cliche, and you've drawn a lot of attention to them because of your use of hyperbolae. My belief toward cliches is that you don't necessarily have to avoid them (like the plague ;P), but that you do have to give some thought to how you want to convey an idea. Subverting or examining a cliche in greater detail is a good way to deal with them. I find that cliches are not just tired old phrases and ideas used over and over again; they are also used continually without any further detail or new discussion added to them. So with phrases like Knowledge is power. Also, it's energy., I would like you to show me how this ties in to the story and the characters. Are there moments connected with this idea that you could embed in the narrative?

Well, I know this first part of the story is meant to be a sort of distant almost philosophical contemplation on the nature of Snape and Lily's relationship - I suppose this is why there aren't many personal moments in the narration. If you want to keep it this way, then I suggest you pay close attention to detail in your use of language. As I mentioned earlier, your use of hyperbolae - "burning" "flames" "fire" "roaring and tearing" - tends to draw attention to a cliche. Fire imagery is very generic, and hyperbolic descriptions like the ones you've used run the risk of becoming a bit too melodramatic. Also, you've used the word "flames" quite a few times in that first segment - it gets a little repetitive. And sometimes you take a metaphor too far e.g. No, he endures the torture as the flames wind their murderous arms around his soul. Slowly, they eat their way to his mind. When you overdescribe things, the imagery becomes a little awkward - perhaps in this case you could drop the "murderous arms" bit.

The best written part of the story is the middle bit, without a doubt. It's incredibly focused, and there are so many lovely moments of detail, especially the image of Lily's hair caught in the bark of the tree. That just really made me pause and admire at the detail and the preciseness of that moment. I would love it if more of these moments were present in your narrative :) Snape's characterisation is outstanding here, the way he "clenches" his diploma, massaging his stinging left arm where presumably the newly branded Dark Mark is. I love the shift in their relationship, the gradual drifting apart. It's handled very well, though I'd be a bit careful about characters slamming their fists into walls and shouting "why", as there's always a lot of melodrama in things like this :) But generally that scene was well-written and very poignant and gah! You've just given me all the feels for Snape :(

The last segment was really different. Another shift in POV, and I assumed it was Lily's voice at first. Then I read the responses to your other reviewers and found that it's actually the incarnation of Lily from Snape's mind...that's a very interesting and complex idea. I would never have got that (even with the last lines and all) if you hadn't mentioned it. So, I dunno, if you like things to be a bit clearer and stuff, perhaps you could find some way of showing this. Also, I do think that you need to set this section even further apart from the rest of the story - not sure how you can achieve this without italicising the whole thing :P The only thing I can think of is to perhaps number the segments 1-3: that will really break up the story cleanly and make the changes in POV less disruptive.

This is a great story & I'

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Review #6, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Circumstance

12th February 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!

Okay, you asked for me to point out cliches, so here we go: "Knowledge is power. Also, it's energy." It's really just the first sentence that is overused, but the phrasing of the second feels a bit awkward. I really like the idea in these sentences, I just think they could be tweaked a bit. For example: "They say knowledge power; I say it's energy." ???

Anyway, I gather that the first and last sections portray Lily's thoughts about Severus as she is Lily haunting (stalking? possessing?) his dreams. I think this is really quite original. So many stories focus on Snape obsessing over Lily, while very few take the perspective of Lily obsessing over him. I don't think I've read anything from her perspective that has been quite this unsettling. :)

During Snape's recollections (which he seems to edit), he fixates on "a strand of her hair." I wonder whether this should be "a few strands of her hair," because he refers to "orange lines" and wanting to free "them."

A "dull pang pierces" him when she later talks about "the Potter boy." When I think "piercing," I always think sharp, of a "sharp pang." I also might just have her say "Potter," because "the -- boy" sounds more dismissive, and something that would be less likely to cause Severus pangs. It may be little melodramatic, but I like this moment in the story.

"Sometimes, circumstance has a name. In this case, its name was Harry Potter." I like this, too. Is he blaming Harry for her death? I've never really thought about it in this way before, but it kind of makes sense.

This sentence confuses me a little: "The doubt would come much, much later." What is it that he doubts? The Dark Lord? Their friendship? After two readings I'm still not sure what it is supposed to mean. I like the rest of that paragraph, though.

"Some automatic, minor spell springs to mind and a few bricks fly off." Would bricks be falling off of the walls, or stones? I've always pictures stone walls throughout Hogwarts. Bricks just seem slightly off.

One more cliche: "Death is the ultimate equalizer." I think you could probably just rid of this sentence. The rest works without it. The second sentence is really the meat of the paragraph. It's a bit unwieldy, but I'm not sure what edits to suggest to make it flow better. I really like the thoughts it conveys.

"As he stares into the eyes of my son, he remembers a fictional girl. She is innocent and impulsive, and she can be anything and everything I never dared." Is she wrong about his opinion of her? His interpretation of her during the middle section seemed a bit more complex, though maybe at this moment (the moment of his death?) he could be editing his memories.

This sentence may support that: "As fate would have it, it is only this obsessive and cruel mind that could transform me into something truly beautiful. Kept safe by his turbulent longing for the light, I can remain forever young."

I really like this passage, by the way. It seems to me to be the main idea of the story, and raises several philosophical questions: Does her image of herself mesh with reality any better than Snape's? Did he know her better than she gives him credit for? Did anyone get to see and know the real Lily?

I like stories that make me think. :)

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Review #7, by my_voice_rising Circumstance

10th February 2013:
Hello, you! I was excited to see another request from you in my thread :3

So, I really like this idea of Snape knowing the 'real Lily,' and I like it even more that you didn't say it in such a cliched way. The bit about her not being a mother's type, and how she's been canonized as this saint for feminine love and maternity is brilliant. I've never thought about it that way, but you're right. The image of her hair stuck in the bark of the tree was really powerful; one of those seemingly insignificant moments that you still somehow never forget.

I liked your opening, especially about knowledge being power and energy, and I think you should expand and lengthen the idea of knowledge being like a burning house. That is really powerful imagery. My only critique is that it was a little too vague, and almost conflicting. You say knowledge is power, but that knowledge is a burden. And I can totally see the link between these two, in terms of Snape especially, but I think you should elaborate a bit more. The beginning of a story is the most important because it either captures a reader's attention or it doesn't, and I think you have some serious potential here. Just flesh out the introduction; it's written poetically enough that you could even drop in some names and it wouldn't lose any less of its beauty.

I always found it difficult, even in the scenes given to us with canon, to imagine Snape and Lily being friends. But your characterization of her shows just how they could be close; her desire for revenge and her clenching her hands into angry claws; the way she's changed in five years. And the line "regurgitated as a symbol" is so powerful. She really is the Christ figure in the HP series.

Again, your ending is a bit vague. Beautiful, but conflicting. An example is the first paragraph: "Once we cease to be, we are at our most vulnerable and we can only hope that, should there be anything left of the days we spent on this Earth, that it reflect who we were." I'm assuming you mean "Once we're dead, we hope people remember us accurately." But it's written in such a way that differs with the rest of this story (and frankly I think the bulk of this story is the strongest) that it's difficult to understand. It's quite a jump from tone to tone, and the "we" pronoun sounds so much more philosophical than the rest of this story. It's like this tone isn't as easy to relate to, in a way. Like I say, the language is beautiful, but it's so esoteric compared to the rest of it, and (in my opinion) not as strong.

I like how the ending turned out to be Lily. Again, though, it's so beautifully written that it would be fine for you to have some "dumb lines," as my creative writing professor would say. You're a great writer, and there's enough mystery and poetry here, that even if you stated plainly that it was Lily speaking, the story wouldn't suffer.

I hope this doesn't sound harsh. This is a great one-shot, and I just wanted to give an honest opinion. Really well done. :3

Author's Response: Hey!

No, really, you don't need to fear coming accross as harsh. After all, you know my review style and I sometimes forget to hold back :s Besides, I find that well thought-out critique is more difficult to give than praise. And it should be, or else "literature critic" would not be a paying job, now would it? :P
I really needed someone to cast a critical eye on this story and you have done just that!

"esoteric"! Oh dear! I try to generally stray away from anything carrying that title...Thanks for pointing it out!

The beginning and end are indeed quite different from the bulk (which I also like way more). They were intended as sort of a fuzzy buffer that gets the reader into the story and then zooms them back out again. Hence the vague style. I do see what you mean with conflicting statements. Also, that sentence you quoted towards the end is a mouthful! I'll try to wrestle it into shape at my next edit. *blush*

Your creative writing professor gives good advice! "Dumb sentences" is a great term and a few of those could certainly give some flesh to the dreamy bits of the story. I'll have a look at which details could use a more simple presentation. And I will try to expland the ideas in the beginning. I sure don't want my story to sound like the intro to a "Revenge" episode, those are terrible!

I'm glad you agree with my opinions of Lily in the books. Not only is she a Christ figure, she is also a classical example of the Women in Refrigerators trope, where female characters get killed off only to inspire a character arch for a male protagonist. In the books, she functions as frige stuffing for two male characters at least. Things like that annoy me *angry feminist scowl*

Thank you for a helpful review! Feel free to visit my request thread if you would like me to return the favour :)




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Review #8, by adluvshp Circumstance

7th February 2013:
Tag!

This was incredibly beautiful! I loved reading it. I love me some heavy angst and this was just a perfect read. I enjoyed it a lot. I think you expressed Snape really well, and I loved the way you portrayed Lily. I really liked the concept of Lily not being the mother and all, but rather this fiery girl who actually shared Snape's "obsession" with "power", his partner-in-crime. I think that was done amazingly. I especially loved the last segment which is from Lily's POV and how she talks about "being young" and "beautiful" in his memories - that was just awesome.

This flowed really well, and the characterisation, plot, and pace over all was extremely nicely done! The angst was palpable and I had a great time reading it!

The only minor CC I have is that there were a few spelling typos, like "und" instead of "and", and "trajedy" instead of "tragedy". I suggest giving this a thorough re-read and fixing them, to make it completely perfect =)

Great job! 9.5/10!

Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

P.S. Happy Valentines review-a-thon!

Author's Response: ahahahaha! I wrote "und"?? Yep, I really need to fix my sleeping schedule if I'm starting to write my fanfiction in German! I'm generally horrible at sticking to one language though *sigh* Thanks for pointing it out, I'll fix it asap.

I'm thrilled that you enjoyed the read! Star-crossed love is a guilty pleasure of mine, and I did channel quite a bit of that under-used emotional baggage it into this story XD. But also, it was an honest attempt to explain some things in the HP universe that have baffled me for years, one of which was Lily's character in general, the other being the nature of Snape's relationship with her.

I'm happy that you enjoyed the end. That was where I attempted to express some of the main ideas of the story. Lily's loss of "innocence" as she grows up and can no longer live in the world of grand ideas and counter-culture that Snape occupies is what underlies the title of the story, "Circumstance". But I did feel that Snape was one of the main reasons we, as readers, feel for Lily and even remember her at all. His character was what turned a relatively normal girl into something extraordinary. At least, that is how I feel about it :)

Thank you for such a lovely review :D Cheers!


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Review #9, by patronus_charm Circumstance

6th February 2013:
Hey it's patronus_charm with your review!

Wow! That was such a powerful start, it blew me away. You provided such deep and reflective thoughts, it perfectly matched who the story was based on, and as Snape is definitely a deep and complex character like the start was. And I guess Lily reflected a lot on her life given the prophecy and fighting in a war.

I really liked this line 'Lily Evans wasn’t the type. The mother type. That was never her face. ' I hate to admit but I have to agree with Snape on this, as Lily never appeared particularly motherly to me, as she always had so much spark and lively energy, not the type you would find in a mother. Perhaps that's why Snape found it harder to deal with her death, as she died as something that he didn't recognise.

“We simply must get revenge!” she is saying. “They are just a group of arrogant, rich, spoiled brats! And they will only stay that way if nobody challenges them.” I did find this line a little confusing, as I was unsure to whom they were referring. I did assume that it was the Marauders given that Sirius and James could be referred to as rich and spoilt. So perhaps if you mentioned an actual name, it would provide greater clarity.

In Snape’s thought you made Lily’s hair quite a central part of his description of her, which I thought was great as her hair is such an identifiable part of her, it would seem obvious that if he was reminiscing about her, the main focus of his thoughts could be her hair.

You were asking for points of melodrama and I did feel personally that this line was rather melodramatic – ‘And, to him, Lily Evans was already dead.’ I always thought that Snape’s love for Lily would be eternal and never swaying, so the fact that he viewed her as dead did seem a little odd to me. But, I did like how you sort of linked that in with his reason for joining the death eaters.

I felt rather sorry for Snape as he seemed to think that his friendship with Lily was a burden on her, but I guess I can see his point, as most people must have found it odd that they were odd. I liked the turn that you made by making him relieved that he was no longer friends with a Gryffindor, though it’s not canon, it was a great twist , and you never really thought about how their friendship may have affected Snape, you just think of it from Lily’s perspective.

You asked about clichés, but I didn’t really find any in here, as this story doesn’t completely keep to the canon, of course you’re not going to find as many clichés, and I didn’t spot any. I have to say I rather liked this different direction you took with Snape, as it rather boring having a story about Snape weeping over Lily, so kudos for that.

I loved the ending, as it linked up to the reflective thoughts of the beginning, so it’s almost as if the story made a full circle.

Overall I thought this was a great story, and I really couldn’t tell that it had been written in the middle of the night! I didn’t find any clichés, and there was only one bit of melodrama that I found too much, but I’ve already pointed that out! A great one-shot Kiana

P.S. sorry for the symbols it did a weird format when I pasted it in, and I don't know how to get rid of them:(

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for getting to me so quickly :)

As to the symbols, that happens to me EVERY TIME I try to review, it's so annoying. I thought it was because I don't use an English key board, but ... probably not. And don't worry, I tried the experiment of just posting anyways and the symbols do disappear in the final version ;)

I liked that you summarized the story with this: "she died as something that he didn't recognise". It's the main premise, really. The idea started out with some contemplation of what it really meant to Snape to see Lily in Harry's eyes (so basically embedded in James' face) and then it struck me that the adult Lily must have been just as odd a sight for him. I have recently met quite a few people I haven't seen in years and the feeling of contrasting who someone was and who they have become is a strangely alienating one, especially if you were not involved in their recent developments.

The "she was dead to him" line is actually the remains of an entre section I thought of adding about how Snape saw her disappear and change into a new person as soon as she went from being from Lily Evans to being Lily Potter (or was about to). But then I realized that was, well, completely lame. Therefore I condensed it into a more vague, on the side comment. You are completely right in pointing out its melodramatic nature. I don't really need it, since Snape becoming a Death Eater in his last year is not very cannon and a bit of a stretch realistically anyways (as realistic as Death Eaters can be XD). I think I'll get rid of it entirely.

Thank you for a wonderful review! I'm glad you seem to think that, all in all, it works. I'll get to your CC at my next edit :)

Cheers!



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Review #10, by hplover987 Circumstance

5th February 2013:
Here for the review swap :)
The beginning of this . . . Just wow. I really loved it and thought it was really well written and expressive.
I loved the memory as well. I'm not a Snily shipper (Jily is my OTP) but I think the way you portrayed Snape was really good. I can kind of see there was a possible love. I've never read Lily like that either, it was a nice change.
Snape isn't my fave character but you've half converted me ;)
- Kelci x

Author's Response: Muahhaha my mission to convert all to the love of Snape is almost complete :D:D

No, but seriously, thank you for the wonderful words of encouragement! I really did try to explain one of the most mysterious phenomena in HP - namely why in the name of the Fae would Snape and Lily remain friends for so long and why would he love her quite so much?

I'm thrilled that you liked the beginning, I wasn't too confident about it.

Thanks for the feedback! Cheers!


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Review #11, by LuckySeven Circumstance

1st February 2013:
Hey! Thanks for supplying me with something AMAZING to review. :D This is.it's just really good.
Your opening line? It drew me right in. :)
"It roars and tears at the walls of the soul that confines it, aiming only to break free. Possibly even needing to break free and knowing nothing except that one drive. But the selfish soul contracts against the pain and keeps the fire hidden, suffocating the flames only to keep them safe. "
-Oh. My. Goodness. It's so...pretty! And descriptive! And Pretty!

The opening is so abstract and gorgeous...I just love it. The whole opening. The words are just beautiful!! Agh! I can't even contain myself right now. :)

" She fought against convention as long as she could. He doesn’t blame her finally for caving in. "
-Loving. It. Just.wow. That whole description...the way he saw Lily, how he was finally free. The way he holds on to these memories...and all the while it's so obviously Snape's head that we're in.

Wow. Just. Wow. :D
CC: So, gotta be honest, the ending confused me a bit. But it's entirely possible that I am just being a dunce. :) Honestly.that's all I have. I loved this story.
Back on to raving: I did love this. It's so pretty and angsty and original. My, oh my, this was just lovely. :) Thank you for sending me the link. how refreshing!
Characterization: Brilliant. It felt real.
Length: It said all that needed to be said. Nothing more. Quite succinct.
So.all in all.you rocked it. :) Have a great night!
Hugs,
Lucky
10/10

Author's Response: *squeal* Thank you so much - I, just, really I'm speechless!

You picked up on exactly the parts that I enjoyed writing most, especially the beginning, but also the section on social convention and how it broke apart their friendship. You know, I was so worried people would hate my story for the way I portrayed Lily (and the way I sort of put down her entire role in the HP series as a mother), and it's an incredible relief to see readers understand how I actually meant it!

As to the end, I'm still trying to fix it, so you are probably right for being confused by it. It's intended as a beyond-the-grave voice, while also hinting towards Snape having a bit of a split-personality situation. Lily talks from his mind directly to the reader, but it's not really her but, instead, Snape's last attempt at bringing her to life. It's pretty weird and I think I'll change it to just a normal narration, like in the beginning.

Gosh, ok, well thank you for the marvelous review! I'm still grinning like a crazy person :D



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Review #12, by CloakAuror9 Circumstance

31st January 2013:
Yes, everyone needs their extreme dose of angst once in a while. I just never thought mind would come in this wonderful form of a Snilly one-shot. James/Lily is my OTP so I tend to avoid most Snape/Lily fics because I just feel like acid is being pushed down my throat. Okay, maybe I exaggerated the whole acid down my throat thing but you get the idea.

I don't necessarily agree with the Lily being a dead mother type of thing, but I really liked your Lily here. She's definitely a lot more closer to Snape than most Snilly fics I've read (which isn't a lot, mind you.) :P I'm not a big fan of Snape even though I am a Slytherin myself but I thought you did a great job depicting him here!

Also, I really loved this bit of the story: "His Lily was a wild flame, a girl that refused to be anything, for anyone. She fought against convention as long as she could. He doesn't blame her finally for caving in." I don't know...I think it's just perfect and it really stood out to me! ♥

Great job! I love the way you depicted Snape/Lily with a lot of angst. :D

~Izzy

96th review out of 100

Author's Response: hey! thank you for leaving a review!

I'm glad I could sweeten the acid with this extra portion of angst! It is quite encouraging when even readers who dislike Snape/Lily can find something in my story.

You are probably right about Lily. Personally, I've only read Lilys that were the perfect teenager/girlfriend/mother and therefore felt the need to give her a different spin. I suspect that there are stories out there that have created exciting, rounded Lily characters (that is what fanfic is for, after all!), but I just haven't come accross any as of yet. In fact, I was reacting more to what I got from the books.

You picked one of my favourite parts of the story! I'm glad it comes accross as I meant it :D

Thank you, again, for the review!
Cheers and happy reading :)


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Review #13, by fauxthefox Circumstance

30th January 2013:
Hi, this is Faux from the forums. I'd usually never pick up a story about Snape, but I think you did a great job with him in this story!

First off, I love the way the chapter opens up with a little meditative anecdote-y thing (not sure what to call it), setting up the reflective mood for the rest of the story. The clear thought and meaning put into this story, along with the characterization of Snape, make it strong.

That being said, I think a bit more focus on description could make the chapter really come alive! :)

Author's Response: Hey :)

I'm thrilled that I could get someone who isn't a fan of Snape-centric fics to enjoy this story! It means a lot, really.

I really did try to stick to the main idea and it's wonderful that you found the meaning clear throughout :) I wrote the entire thing in one go, I think that helped a great deal towards maintaining a consistent tone. Also relieved that you liked the beginning, I was quite unsure about it, actually.

As to description, I see what you mean. I've been looking for ways to elaborate on some of the more general parts, let's see what I can do...

Thanks for the swap, cheers!


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Review #14, by Cleopatraa Circumstance

30th January 2013:
I’ll admit I’m not a huge Lily/Snape fan, but I have no problems with them if they are written well. So why would I decide to read this you may wonder? Well I liked your summary and afterwards I took a glance at your characters and decided to check it out despite the pairing. I really thought this was excellent. Like you I never was a big fan of Lily. Perhaps like you said because she was the perfect mother/wife/girlfriend. Writers always made her seem to perfect ( or always screaming at James Potter before she falls in love with him). While I admit I’m not a huge fan of Snape either. I do respect him in a way. Well who can’t respect him if we are going to be honest. You wrote this really well and the emotion in this piece was just perfect. I also liked the way you portrayed her. The fact she would want to take revenge. The fact she wanted power. Their friendship would make more sense. I mean they were friends for so long. Neext to magic there must be other things that bonded them. As you can see I liked this, which says a lot as I’m not a fan of this ship. Well done!

Author's Response: hey there!

I always get really fuzzy inside when I manage to attract readers to something they would usually avoid :3

Thank you for giving the story a chance despite your doubts! I actually removed the Lily/Snape from the pairings now, because, well, it's not really a ship, is it? I guess the story is more about Lily and also about Snape. I tried to define them against eachother, sure, but it's just not a romance. I guess it sort of worked, so thank you for the encouragement :)

Thinking about it, I'd probably say my spin is not all that canon-realistic because, as I got from the books, Snape was attracted to Lily specifically because she was so different from him. And as tragic as that is as a story, I find it more interesting if people become friends because they actually have something in common. And also, I find Rowling's take on Lily to not be very, uh, well - feminist. Her death basically defines the character arcs of two male characters and we never do find out anything else about her except that she was nice and that she really, really loved Harry.

Thanks for the swap and for such a wonderful review! Cheers!


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Review #15, by serendipity Circumstance

28th January 2013:
great story. the very beginning could flow better, but you really gave the characters emotional depth and minds of their own. keep writing!

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Review #16, by RachelP Circumstance

28th January 2013:
I think your writing is extraordinary! I
really like how dark this story is and
you really kept me entertained. I'm not
a fan of after-death-POV so I liked the
first bits better than the last, but I did
like it. I'm a fan of lily so I don't agree
with the spin on her, but you said you
dont like her so it's cool, I liked in in
your story's case. Even as someone
who never likes the snape/lily I read, I
liked your story!

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