Hello! I'm here for your requested review from the forums.
This was a lovely story! I always like fluffy one-shots so this was right up my street.
It flowed really well, I love that you kept referring to Percy not being able to take his eyes off his daughter, as a parent it's something I can totally relate to.
There were some really nice descriptions in here too, a couple that really stood out were:
"Her skin had the furious pink colour that new-borns had"
"His father’s chest seemed to swell with pride as he smiled back at him, and tears were already streaming down Mrs Weasley’s face."
Characterisation is also good, I really like the later part of the story where Percy shows his remorse for his actions before the war and that the birth of his daughter intensified that.
I did spot a couple of small errors
"no wonders she was tired" should just be "no wonder"
Grandma and Grandpa Weasley should be capitalised
"His mother's face beamed with joy" would make more sense as "His mother beamed with joy"
"Her eyelids flattered" should be fluttered.
Other than that, this was written perfectly, especially considering English isn't your first language. Job very well done!
Thank you for requesting a review and for a lovely read.Author's Response: I'm really glad to hear that you liked this! I am so flattered by your lovely comments, and that you found Percy's behaviour believable. :) I guess that having a child is such an emotional thunderstorm that all the guilt he felt just came crashing over him.
Thank you so, so much for pointing out the errors! I'll go back and change them as soon as possible! I really appreciate it, as it helps to improve the story :)
One again, thank you so much for doing this! Your lovely compliments made me really happy, and I'm very thankful that you pointed out those errors! :) Report Review
LOVE this! I'm glad you've chosen to write about Percy, who is one of the most interesting Weasleys in my opinion. He's kind of like Ron, as he makes the wrong choices and then the right ones, and ambition and loyalty and morality are all muddled in his head.
It was interesting how even in this perfect moment, Percy can't help but regret his actions of abandoning his family all those years ago. It was very poignant but also very realistic, and I loved how Mrs. Weasley convinced him that he was forgiven by comparing it to his love for baby Molly- that was a very emotional moment and you wrote it beautifully.
It was so lovely to see your take on Percy and Mrs. Weasley's relationship: he probably wouldn't get much alone time with her, but this was really special. The descriptions of the baby were so sweet as well. My favourite line:
"Her skin had the furious pink colour that new-borns had, and her incredibly small fingers were gripping the blanket that the healer had wrapped around her. For every breath that Audrey took, the baby was raised and lowered along with her mother's thorax."
Such a beautiful and vivid description!! Very well written one-shot :)Author's Response: I'm so glad to hear that! :) I agree, Percy is such a great character. He is a lot like Ron in that way.
I think that Percy would have trouble forgiving himself, especially after losing Fred. That's why I thought that this was an important moment for him. I'm so pleased to hear that you enjoyed it. I think that Percy and Mrs Weasley's relationship is so interesting to imagine, especially after the war.
Thank you so much for this review! It makes mo so happy to hear that you liked this, and I really appreciate to hear what was good about etc. Thank you!! :) Report Review
Here for review tag.
Aw this was such a sweet little one-shot. I absolutely loved reading it. I think there are very few realistic Percy stories on the archives, and I was pleased that this is one of them. I liked how you reflected on Percy and his relationship with his mother here. Your descriptions were just beautiful too. I especially found the whole part of Percy loving his daughter so much the moment she was born, very adorable. You expressed all his feelings and thoughts exceptionally well. The ending was very fitting too.
All in all, a very well-written and sweet one-shot. I enjoyed this. Great job!
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: I'm so glad to hear that you liked this! Yes, Percy seems to be forgotten at times... I'm flattered!
It makes me really, really happy to hear that you enjoyed this one-shot! Thank you so much for this review, it brightened my afternoon! :) Report Review
This is just so cute and sweet and fluffy and wonderful and perfect and... a whole bunch of amazing and awesome things, all rolled up in to one! I was near tears before I even got halfway down the page!!
The plot of this is amazing, from the bit about babies not wanting to be born near Christmas to the "forgiveness" scene between Molly and Percy; truly amazing and brilliant! And I LOVE that you waited until the end for Percy to tell his Mom what they've named her, I can only imagine how emotional her reaction was!
The flow, pace and everything are just perfect, and there were no spelling or grammar mistakes. All in all this is just a beautiful, perfect one-shot and I adore it to pieces, which is why it's not going in my favorites!! ♥
Well done, dear! 10/10!
~JaydeAuthor's Response: Oh my, this review... I don't even know what to say that will make you understand how happy it makes me! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
Intentionally, I was only going to explain why Percy named his firstborn after his mother, but then those other things came naturally.. I'm so glad that you enjoyed them too :) Yeah, I wonder how long it took for Mrs Weasley to be able to stop crying after that announcement.. ;)
Thank you again for your wonderful praise! (I read your message, so I understand that it's *now* going in your favorites, and I'm really glad to hear it!) and thanks for encouraging me to want to write more stories like this one! :) Report Review
Wow, this is beautiful. I love the thought process and I just don't know what to say but WOW. Another story this reminded me of was Grizzled by Lululuna. I think you would like it. Again, this was perfect in every way.Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! It makes me so happy to hear that you like it, and I'll check out that story as soon as possible :) Report Review
REVIEW TAG, YO!
Aww... this story was absolutely adorable! I liked it so much! Just what I needed on a day like this - it's made me feel much better!
I love the subtle humour in this. It isn't outright funny, but it has its moments, and they're really charming. They add a lot of colour and lightness to the mood of the story, which I think is really fitting for this piece!
I also like the way you portrayed Percy. I was really happy, too, when JK Rowling told us the name of Percy's firstborn. I thought a similar thing to you, and I adore the way you've told it here!
I think you have a wonderful author's voice, and I hope you write more stories like this one in the future!Author's Response: I am so glad that you liked it!
Thank you so much for this wonderful review! It makes me so happy to hear that you enjoyed this story, and especially that you liked Percy (he's not the easiest character to write!)
Thank you so much again!! :) Now that you've encouraged me, I probably will write more stories like this one ;) Report Review
Hi! I'm here for your requested review. =)
It was a really sweet piece of fluff. The idea was wonderful, and it would be interesting to read more about Percy & Audrey and their family. I see that you've softened Percy's edges from canon, but it works quite well for such emotional one-shot. Though I can't deny that I was hoping for a small sign of Percy's pompousness to emerge, just for laughs. =P
I quite enjoyed the characters, although mostly this one-shot concentrated on Percy's and his mum's relationship. Mrs Weasley was especially splendidly written. If I remember right from OotP, Molly's biggest fear was losing her loved ones, so losing Percy (even for a short while) must have been really hard for her.
There's really only one thing that felt like it was missing from this one-shot. You didn't describe much of the characters. I would have like to know whether little Molly had as flaming hair as her grandma, whether Percy was still wearing glasses and bit more about Audrey. But it's a really minor issue.
Other than that, it was wonderfully written one-shot with nice flow and I didn't even notice any typos in text. The ending was perfect, since it brought a good closure to the story.
I hope this review was helpful for you. If you have any questions, you can PM me in forums. Happy writing! =)Author's Response: Hello! First of all, thank you so much for doing this!
I'm glad that you liked this. I have softened Percy's edges, but that's because he, in my mind, changed a lot after the Battle, after losing Fred and especially after having a baby. I agree with you that I should have shown a bit of his old traits too, I just couldn't come up with something good. But I'll definitely add something if I do ;)
I'm glad you liked Mrs Weasley. She's such a lovely character to write, so I'm glad you think I did her justice.
You're absolutely right about describing the characters. I'll definitely give this story a second look when I get the chance - I personally love when things are described well so you get the full picture, so I really agree with you :)
Once again, thank you so much! This review was both very kind and helpful, and I really appreciate it!! :) Report Review
Hey, here is your review.
I adore this story. It's very precious, almost breakable. There's This kind of tinkling of emotion through the story that makes my heart melt.
The joy a newborn brings to the world and to the hearts of the parents is something that I alwasy see as a sort of light. And you described that a bit. It's really beautiful how you did that.
The conversation between Percy and his mother was so honest and true. There was really no way he wouldn't call his daughter after his mother. Because after everything that happened he still loves his mother a lot. You can fell that in you words.
I wish there was more. But maybe it is just enough as it is. But I liked it so much I was really disapointed that it was over.
I hope you liked my review. I really like to read the story and write this for you :)
MayaAuthor's Response: Wow, I don't even know where to start. I'm so glad that you liked this. Thank you so much for your kind words.
I agree with you - the fact that he named her Molly really shows how much he loves his mother, and that's what I wanted to portray in this story. I'm glad to hear that you got that message ;)
I'm so glad that you liked it. It makes me happy to hear that it left you wantin more, but I didn't want to make it too long and lose the emotion of it. Also, it's a sort of addition to my other story, '19 years' (although this part is still far off in the future of that story).
Thanks again for reviewing, I appreciate it so much! Report Review
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