Hi, I'm here with your requested review!
First of all, I listened to the song that you used for this, and it's gorgeous. I'm in love with it.
Now onto the actual review. Draco's characterization is on-point. You really show how much he's struggling, and how lonely he feels. I like how you emphasize that he doesn't really belong anywhere: not with the "good guys" or with the Death Eaters. He is truly alone.
The whole portrait scene is amazing, because it's a flashback without a flashback. What I mean by that is that the reader gets to look into the past without actually going there, and it creates a really sharp comparison to his present state.
I love how you talk about how he initially jumped into the Death Eater regime, and then realized that he didn't belong. This immediately jumped out to me, and I immediately thought of Regulus Black. That may not have been your intention, but I love the parallel between the two.
One itty, bitty CC: there's a spot where you say "if still had a heart"... I think there should be an "it" in there somewhere?
The whole section where he talks about a house being a home only if it had a family, and then saying "I have no home," just broke my heart. You create a lot of sympathy for Draco here.
I love how strange he feels in his own bedroom, because it just shows how much has changed in his life, and how differently he feels now.
Poor guy. This entire piece just made me feel horrible for him. He was never really the bad guy, but he sure got treated like one. And the song pairing was just the icing on the cake.
This was a great piece of writing. Keep up the good work!
-ShadowRoseAuthor's Response: Hi there,
Firstly, thanks so much for the nice words and for this simply fabulous review - it really made my day!
I'm glad that you like my characterization of Draco. As my first piece of writing, I decided to choose him, because he is such a great and unique character, that you don't see every day in a story. I think the progres that he made in the books is just stunning and the complexity of his feelings is amazing. That's the reason why I admire J.K. Rowling so much - she is able to show us that there isn't just black and white or just good and evil. Her characters are never only bad or good. Even Voldemort had his reasons to become what he was. Draco has both good and bad features and made many mistakes, but he never really had a choice. I like the fact that you had such strong sympathetic feelings for him, because that was kind of my aim. I wanted to show the good side of him rather than the bad, because he is so hated and misunderstood sometimes and he just doesn't deserve it.
I'm really happy that you see the parallel between Regulus and Draco! I think what's in common between them is that they both wanted to be perfect in the eyes of their families. They never really wanted much - just to be happy.
I'm also glad that you love the song "Echo", because it is one of my favourits and I'm so happy to know that you think it's perfect for Draco.
The line "I have no home" is one of my favourites. It just shows how lonely he feels... alone in a world where he don't belongs. Sometimes I feel so guilty causing the characters such a pain... I'm one bad, bad person... :D
I'm also glad that you like the portrait and the bedroom scenes and I'm really thankful for you pointing the mistake - it was really helpful.
This mega-awesome-lovely-wonderful review just put a broad smile on my face and I thank you so much about it!!! :)
Kristen Report Review
Here for your requested review from the forums =)
This was a very well-written piece of writing, especially considering the fact that this is your first. Your writing style was very 'haunting' and dark in a way and I liked how the angst emotions came across so beautifully. The entire self-reflection, looking back on memories, staring at the family portrait, and deciding to move on was nicely woven and it all fell into place by the end. I liked the writing style of breaking up sentences using "..." too, as that showed a thought-process thing which was interesting. Despite those, the narrative flowed smoothly and made for an easy read.
Your major concern was characterisation, so I'll say that you have captured Draco very well. His regret, his remorse, his pain, is all expressed brilliantly. I always thought that the night of Dumbledore's death would have changed Draco greatly and I loved that you used that aspect. His thoughts on his 'transformation' were indeed very believable. I really liked how this ended, with Draco having hope, and how he remembered his mother's words of there always being light after darkness.
The only CC I have is that your grammar wasn't that correct throughout. You had a couple of typos and preposition problems mainly. For example,
"huge family portrait at the wall" should be "huge family portrait ON the wall". Then, "the time of my live" should be "the time of my life". Also, "people at the portrait" should be "people in the portrait." Like that, you had a few more typos but I cant really point out all of them (I remember you wrote believs instead of beliefs somewhere though... and some more like that).
Besides that, it was all good. All in all, you portrayed Draco really well, your plot theme was good, I enjoyed the writing style, and the entire thing made for a neat yet gripping read. If you could just proof-read this once more and correct the little typos and grammar errors, this would be perfect.
Great job otherwise!
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Hi!
I'm so glad that you find my portrayal of Draco believable and the whole story as well-written! I am also really happy to know that you enjoyed my writting style and that you think it is 'haunting'!
Also I'm glad to hear that you liked the way the whole story ended. I really was aiming the end to look more like a begining and to just finnish in one possitive way. Everybody needs light, and I tought Draco definetly needed to have hope in that moment.
I know there were many mistakes throughout the story, but now,thanks to you and Arithmancy_Wiz all the grammar errors are corrected. :)
Thanks so much for the wonderful review! It really made my day!
Kristen Report Review
Oooh, how exciting-I've never been the first to review a story before so...yay!
I love the song Echo (mainly because it's on the Vampire Diaries and that show is my life...but you probably didn't need to know that. Ahem. I apologize.
You shouldn't be so hard on yourself! This one-shot was certainly not awful-it is a LOT better than the first fanfiction I ever wrote, and your characterization of Draco was really good. I also think you incorporated the song lyrics really well into the prose-I've never been brave enough to write a song fic before, so you're definitely to be commended for doing one as your first piece!
I like the way you wrote Draco's most prominent memories in a way that made him seem so vulnerable and defenseless. The question 'Would I have done it?' is one I have wondered a million times, so it was great (and a little sad) to see Draco thinking about it.
Overall, this was a very nice song fic.
Courtney:)Author's Response: Hi!
Thank you for this wonderful review - it really made my day!
I'm excited too - responding to a review for the fist time ever. It's a big thing to happen... I definetly should write in my diary about it! xD ( And, by the way, I love Vampire Diaries too! :D )
I know the story is a little bit sad, but I think that Draco has always been a Dramatic character and after all that have happened to him, he maybe would need some time just to think about the past and everything he has lost and would never be able to restore.
Again, thank you for the nice words! :)
Kristen Report Review
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