What an interesting story. I've never considered that side of Victoire before, but then again I've never really read any fan fiction where she isn't older and with Teddy so she wouldn't be wondering those kinds of things.
It's a nice idea and totally realistic, I sort of imagine her around about 16/17 maybe a little older here and I can picture the whole thing in my head. You've described it beautifully and I love the idea of her just sitting on the beach, just mulling over her thoughts. It's such a simple idea yet you've added depth to it and her thoughts are really thought provoking.
Then the ending. Teddy walks in and everything is just, better. It's so sweet and if you did get the inspiration I'd love to read some more like this! A great job, it's a really awesome one-shot! :)Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for stopping by and reviewing this! I'm also sorry for the delay in responding! Yup, you've got her age perfectly, this is the stage where they're just testing the waters between each other, where she's wondering who she is and that is a dangerous place for a witch to be. Especially a witch who's had a turbulent upbringing. I got the idea of having her so imperfect, darker than most other writings (or what i presume most people write because i've honestly read so few of her) was the idea that next gen children where damaged. At least, some of them and i imagine that the older ones (like Victoire, Teddy, maybe Molly and Dominique) who grew up with their parents who were still fighting their own demons then those demons could be transferred to their children.
Anyway, with that in mind i wanted to explore how it would be for her who had the weight of her name crushing down on her because she feels like she has to be her name. She has to show everyone that she is a symbol but for a teenager that is a bit bunch to handle as we saw with Harry Potter and him growing up.
Thank you so much for your review!! Report Review
This is really brilliant, I loved it! You really wrote Victoire's thoughts in a way that was really honest and relatable which I really liked.
"She was a child that came of the Second Wizarding War and somehow she knew that was the reason for her morose. That it had damaged her somehow- tainted everything about who she was because she was birthed in complete innocence in a world that still grieved."
^^That is just perfection. :P The way it's worded is just so brilliant. I think that was my favourite line.
Overall such an amazing piece, great job! You're very talented!Author's Response: Thank you so much for stopping by and reviewing! I really appreciate it. I don't even know how to respond to your compliments but i'm very pleased you've enjoyed this and the wording of it ;P Report Review
Oh dear, I loved this. Most definitely adding to favorites. By the way, you're right, the banner is lovely.
I loved your description. It was quite poignant without being overwhelming as description sometimes it. You provided just the right amount of energy and imagery to make me feel like I was at the beach with Victoire without making it boring. Nicely done. I liked the intended or unintended symbolism of the beach. It's just vast and never-ending and alone and I feel like that's how Victoire feels in the beginning. But then she finds Teddy (adorable!) and his ability to change helps her feel like she's not so alone and she doesn't have to change the expectations and weights on her shoulders without help.
I also loved how the title connected with your theme of Victoire not living up to her name. In her own eyes, she hasn't been victorious, but I give her props for being the first Weasley grandchild fresh out of the war. She held it together. She was strong. And she would still be Victoire even if she wasn't called that.
classicblackAuthor's Response: Hey CB! Sorry for the late reply on this!!!
Thank you so much for your compliments and nice words! I'm really pleased it wasn't an overwhelming amount of details as I have a weird love affair it seems with putting in too much description. It's a good setting for this sort of story isn't it? The idea that the beach, the ocean is just so big, so never ending just shows how Victoire feels like her problems are just as vast and big and she so small that she can't overcome them. Teddy helps, but in the end, our happiness has to come from within and not from someone else. :P
If i were to write more of this it would show her falling more apart but also finding strength. This is just a little taste of what she goes through and how her name made her feel even more insignificant. Thank you so much for your lovely review! I really appreciated it! Report Review
Hey there! I'm Courtney, here for your requested review!
What a lovely one-shot you have produced here! I have read quite a lot of Teddy/Victoire fanfiction, especially one-shots, but none of them have been quite like this. I like the fact that this is mostly Victoire's thoughts and that there is only minimal dialogue. You have a beautiful style of writing!
The whole of the first paragraph was absolutely perfect, in my mind. The descriptions you use are just absolutely perfect. I especially liked the line: 'Her clear blue eyes, which people said looked like a reflection of the summer sky, were glazed over with dreams of a better future.' The way you worded it-the way you worded everything in this one-shot-flows very well, which makes for a much nicer read!
I also liked the paragraph that began with 'She wasnít exactly sure why she was unhappy' because I think I know exactly the way Victoire feels and the way you wrote it...you definitely have a talent with imagery and descriptions, that's all I can think of to say. If I could make one suggestion, however it would be just be careful not to go overboard, by describing absolutely everything. Now, I'm not saying that's what you've done, I'm just saying for future reference. There is a fine line between not enough imagery, just the right amount and so much that it disrupts the flow and makes the writing disjointed.
I really like your characterization of Victoire-what we see of it, anyway. The way you've depicted her in this one-shot is different from all the other Victoire's I've seen out there, which I love! It's clear that everything about her comes from your imagination and your thoughts. You have so many great lines scattered throughout this one-shot that, for me, really show Victoire's personality that I find it hard to quite just a few, but I think my favourite was 'Her name was a symbol and somehow that symbol had become her.' I like this line because I think it really shows what Victoire is feeling, and I like the reminder of her namesake-I like the way you have worked in little reminders of the second Wizarding War into this piece of writing, such as 'Her childish cries hadnít been the loudest during those times.' Your language is just...wow.
I hate to quote too much, but the line: 'The ocean seemed to whisper to her in its bubbling secrets. Crashing up against her legs and pulling back again; her feet sunk deeper in' was also brilliant. It really reminded me of my childhood, standing at the edge of the sea on a stormy day, slowly sinking. And I think that's what's so great about your writing-that your are able to connect people to your characters.
The introduction of Teddy worked very nicely, I thought. Though they barely speak, I could see the chemistry between them, just from Victoire's thoughts. And there is a moment, very near the end, where everything just ties up neatly, making this one-shot feel complete. I think it was the line: 'That maybe, she could become more than her name more than the symbol she saw herself as. Maybe instead of just being victory, she could actually become the victor' that did it for me.
Overall, I think this was an excellent one-shot that you can certainly be proud of, especially as you wrote it late at night (I certainly know the feeling of suddenly coming up with a plunny when you should be sleeping!)
Thanks for the read!
Courtney:)Author's Response: I'm so sorry for how long it has taken me to respond to this!! There's no excuse i've just been putting off all my review responding as of late which is a bad habit to get into!
Thank you so much for your thoughts on this! I'm really pleased that you felt like Victoire was a real character experiencing real feelings. I'e always felt like the next gen kids would be a little more damaged then how they've typically been written. I suppose i just imagined up that Victoire might experience a lot of those angsty feels of not knowing where you fit in in a world of pain. life would not have gotten instantly better after the war. Anyway, i'm glad that it seemed real to you for her to experience this.
I get what you mean with the description. It's something that i try to watch but i know i've failed quite a bit with this as some of my one-shots i go a little crazy with imagery and it seems to have confused some of my readers. Thanks for pointing that out, even if it doesn't apply directly to this story. It's good to know where one could (and sometimes is) going wrong!
Hi! It's patronus_charm with your review, I'm glad you requested as I saw your status about this, so I'm eager to see how this turns out!
I loved your use of imagery and description in this story, as it meant I could really imagine the setting of the story. I think one of the best lines was - 'Her blonde hair was sticking to her forehead like seaweed', I never thought of comparing hair to seaweed before, and I have to say it is a pretty good similie!
I loved your characterisation of Victoire, it was nice to see that she wasn't the perfect person people usually depict her as, because that tends to get boring. I thought it was also interesting that you made Victoire an icon, for innoncence born out of grief, this was an interesting direction to go down. I guess you could say she was the phoenix, born from the ashes of the war, yet she can't handle the pressure of being the symbol of a new cycle.
I liked how Teddy just appeared, and the fact that he had always been there like 'the north wind', perhaps shows that he was always there to support, but it was only untill now that she realised he was there.
You say that you found a bit awkward, but I didn't find that at all and I've read quite a few Teddy/Victoire stories, and this was a really original read, and a different turn, to how they usually go! I really enjoyed that though!
I really enjoyed the end of the story as well, which showed Victoire, almost come to terms with the position she has in post-war Britain. It's as if, Teddy will help guide her through it.
Overall I thought this was a really good story, and I really couldn't believe you wrote this in the middle of the night as it's so good! I love the Romeo and Juliet title, as I love the play, and I found it really fitting! You should consider developing this to show more of the backstory to their relationship! Kiana :)Author's Response: :P yah! I'm really pleased you liked this! I've never attempted Victoire as stated before and I haven't really ever been interested in it because i like minor characters and she isn't so much of one and Teddy/Victoire pairing is fairly popular too. I really did enjoy developing her though. I'm not sure why she'd always be portrayed as perfect - i suppose because of her mum but then there was Bill as the father and he hardly seemed mr perfect. More rugged i suppose. Also i've always imagined the next gen kids, especially the older ones as a bit more damaged than most authors portray them as. They grew up with stories of war and some of them would have still experienced seeing the after affects of it as a child and that can stay with a person if they know their father or mother having nightmares and having something close to PTSD or something. I like the phoenix analogy and i can't believe i didn't think of it until your review! But it fits perfectly!
Thank you so much for your lovely words! I didn't expect people to like this much because i wasn't sure if any of it really made sense (as it was insanely late when i put this together) Thank you so much again! I do hope one day soon to continue with this. It'll will definitely have some of the backstory but mostly it will probably be their future.
Hello there! I saw the link to your story on the forums and decided to come and read and review :)
So I really enjoyed the idea of exploring the concept of naming and its significance and its symbolism and everything. I think you've really drawn out Victoire's conflict very well, of the tremendous weight she must be feeling, attached to her name. And she wasn't even alive when the whole war happened.
I think you've got an eye for detail; there were some very lovely descriptions, which brought both the character and the scene to life in my head e.g. the heat, the sea, the way her skin blisters, the way Teddy rolls his shoulders...these were all such lovely descriptions, and there's something quite delicate about your writing.
I love the moment when Teddy appears, how they stand next to each other and there is minimal dialogue between them, as though they are completely comfortable with each other's presences. It's such a warm moment, full of hope, which was quite a nice change from the despair Victoire was feeling at the beginning of the story. And Teddy, rolling a lock of her hair between his fingers - gah, that was just too wonderful :D I love the moment of hope this fic ends on!
Well, I've really enjoyed this story, I'm glad I clicked the link and came to read! I'm usually not too big a fan of next gen, or even of common ships like Teddy/Victoire, but this was a really beautifully written piece. It would be great if you choose to develop this further and explore the arc of their relationship in a short story, or something longer!
Lovely writing :)
-tehAuthor's Response: Hey!! Thank you so much for your lovely review on this! and it was my first one!!
I'm really pleased you enjoyed one of the things that i was exploring here. It wasn't even intentional at first but as I was writing and trying to feel what Victoire was i realized that she might have been just as damaged as the war victims simply because of her name, when she was born, and the pressures that she might have faced. It's not something i think a lot of people explore with her so it was great to just explore something new.
Next-Gen and major pairings aren't my favourite either. I like minor characters and that is typically what i write. It was a surprise to me as well when I had a muse to write something about them.
I'm really pleased that you liked this story! Thank you so much for your absolutely wonderful review! It made my day for sure! Report Review
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