Reading Reviews for Alone in a crowded room
  
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by caomoyl Taking chances

18th July 2013:
Hello once again! (You're going to be fed up of seeing my name in a minute ;))
This was a really sweet way to end this story. I'm so glad that they got together in the end. I was worried when Ron came around the corner and said that first line, but I'm glad he was cool with it too! It does make me slightly sad to know what they are about to come to with the Death Eaters and knowing that Harry and Ginny won't be able to stay together once things get worse, but as least they get their piece of happiness for now and they also get it later in life.

Onto the grammar of the piece (I hope you don't hate me for picking so much. I just feel like the more you know that you aren't doing right, the better you can fix things to improve your writing.)
One thing I noticed in quite a few of your chapters is when you use a pause, you tend to use a lot of ellipses (...). No matter how long the pause, you should always only use three dots, since that is what makes the ellipsis. If you feel like that doesn't convey the length of the desired pause well enough, you can always put a sentence in stating that it is a long pause instead.
Another thing that I noticed (and I think I mentioned something to do with this in another review) is that you have a few misspelt words (for example, in this chapter, you have 'wont' without the apostrophe and in a previous one I think I mentioned a missing s from Hogwarts). Do you check through your chapters before you post them? Even if you do, it can always be helpful to get yourself a beta since, when you write something, you generally know what it says so you tend to not notice some mistakes. Having a beta (someone who checks over for you) can help to eliminate most of the mistakes. If you're on the HPFF forums, there is a section for this. If not, you could maybe have a friend or relative look it over for you. It doesn't matter who, but they will help. A lot of the time, they will point out the punctuation errors as well as the spelling errors so you can improve those too.

I hope that everything I have mentioned in my reviews is of help to you and that you are able to become a better writer because of it! Keep up the good writing and I may have to go and check out some more of your story!

Great story! Nice job with it!
-Amy!

Author's Response: No, I don't hate you at all, your reviews have been very helpful and encouraging. Thank you so much :) I would love to hear your thoughts on some of my other stories too :)

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Review #2, by caomoyl It takes two

18th July 2013:
Hello again! Another great chapter, with that suspense running all the way through. You spend the entire chapter wondering how it is going to go and how they will each react under the situation. You left it on a cliff hanger and I can't wait to see if you answer that final question in your next chapter! I really feel for Ginny in this because she didn't realise the reason why Harry had pushed her away and she had convinced herself that it was because he hated her which was so far from the truth. I'm glad that she now knows that he loves her and this wasn't a one-sided feeling from her part.

One of the biggest things I'm noticing with this story (not including the plot) is punctuation errors. I know how hard they can be to get your head around and learn, but it is definitely worth sitting down one afternoon and having a search around the internet to find out more about how to use the different punctuation in the right places, especially around speech and when using commas. With a lot of your commas, I notice that you use them where there should be a full stop/period. Sometimes, whether you use a full stop/period or a comma is up to you, but in a lot of instances, like quite a few in this chapter, a comma doesn't make sense. For instance:
"What I don't understand is why you kissed me in the first place, if you hate me so much!", she burst in to tears as she said it.
With that line, you shouldn't have had the comma after the speech since the 'she burst...' should be a new sentence. Like I said, just have a look around on some websites. You'll find a lot out there that teach you how to use punctuation properly and it will help to develop your writing and make it easier for those reading!

There was one instance of using the incorrect form of there/they're/their but that will come with practice and you only made one mistake with it in the second to last paragraph.

Good job with this! Can't wait to find out what happens in the next chapter!
Also, sorry if this sounded a little harsh. It really wasn't meant to!

Author's Response: Thanks again for all the tips and for reviewing, I really appreciate it! :)

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Review #3, by caomoyl Last first Kiss

16th July 2013:
Hello again! Spacing issue once more so my comment to ignore the comment on my first review should be ignored! Paste as plain text! It fixes all of your problems!

Ah, we find out the reason that Harry was sorry and it makes so much sense! If only he knew that not being with her and doing what he did was hurting her just as much. And even if he did die and they weren't together, she would still hurt.

Apart from the punctuation issue I mentioned in the first chapter, the only other thing I noticed with this was that you use a comma where you should probably have used a full stop (or period. I don't know what you call it).
"Harry, Harry. Its your move", he barely heard Ron's voice over his own thoughts.
That's where I would have put it. Also, the 'its' should have an apostrophe because it's a contraction of 'it' and 'is'. That is a horrible word because it does seem to break all the rules!

Can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Yes but hes a boy, and boys rarely over think into things like that, tho some that I do, overthink a lot, typicaly they don't. Thanks for all the punctuation tips, and for taking time to review again :)


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Review #4, by caomoyl A kiss is a terrible thing to waste

16th July 2013:
Hello! Another great chapter! You seem to have fixed the spacing issue that I just mentioned in my review of the first chapter so you can disregard that comment!

The way you portrayed Hermione and Ginny seems very realistic. How you had Hermione trying to come up with a logical solution to what Harry had done, but all Ginny could think about was him and the moment itself. You did, however, miss out a word in the first line, but I didn't even notice the first time I read this through so don't worry too much about it. I'm sure we've all missed words out from time to time and not noticed it.

I am curious as to what dorm they are in considering Hermione, Ginny and Katie are all in different year groups, unless you've put Katie in with one of those two. I am also intrigued as to why Harry said he was sorry so I can't wait to find out the reason behind that!

Good job!

Author's Response: Thanks again for taking time to review my story :) See I needed them to be in the same room, so I kind of used artistic license to have them in the same room :P

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Review #5, by caomoyl The story of us

16th July 2013:
Hello! I liked this! Ginny daydreaming over Harry and not being able to focus seems realistic to me! Also that she was kind of bad at hiding it and was quite embarrassed.

One thing I did notice that made it hard to read was that you had several lines of dialogue in one chapter. The rule with it is that when a different person started speaking, you put it on a new line. It just makes it easier for the reader to follow what is going on and so that they know when a new person is talking. The other thing about the speech is that the punctuation at the end of it needs to be within the speech marks. Very good try with it though! Speech rules can be hard to get used to.

Can't wait to read the next chapter!
(Side note: when you paste in your chapter, paste it as plain text and it should remove your spacing problem!)

Author's Response: Hi sorry that I am only replying to this now, but I haven't really posted my newer stories on this site, I post on fanfiction now, so I havent loggged in here in a while, thank you so much for taking the time to review my story :) the plain text thing is a helpful tip thank you :) MY layout has gotten much better in my later stories with dialogue now thanks for the tips tho :)

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Review #6, by Dani Taking chances

3rd February 2013:
Love this new chapter !!

Author's Response: Thanks :) I hope the ending suited everyone who stuck with the story and kept reading!

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Review #7, by Fiftyshadesofstrawberries The story of us

2nd February 2013:
Wow this is good, like seriously good

Author's Response: Thank you :) love the username btw!

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Review #8, by Drama Ace Taking chances

2nd February 2013:
This is really sweet! I loved it. :)

Author's Response: Thanks :) I apreciate comments


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Review #9, by Dani It takes two

2nd February 2013:
Am loving your story, please continue writing, want to know what happens next x

Author's Response: Thanks for being my first reviewer :) I havent really got ideas for where to go next with this story but if i get any ideas i will add to it :) I have one other story "The new arrival" which is also about the DA x

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