Reading Reviews for This Morbidity
  
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ephemerals phases of the moon.

18th July 2013:
I remember reading this a long time ago - maybe when you first wrote it? But now, seeing it again, I can't believe I forgot just how beautiful and smooth and poetic your prose could be. This isn't your usual style, but please, please write more of it. Lily/James is my canon OTP for HP and the way you've written both characters is so beautiful - there's a humanity that you've shown that makes Lily really leap off the page, and there's the looming tension of the upcoming war. I'm really glad you subtly mentioned it - a lot of Marauder-era fics seem to forget about it completely, so the acknowledgement that yes, it was quite a dark time really adds to the fic. Overall, I loved it beyond words. Straight to my favourites. Teach me how to write, Charlie - God knows I need some lessons.

Author's Response: ah bonjour! Weirdly enough I also remember you reading this and I was like /convinced/ you had already reviewed it but like, apparently not. You definitely read it though. I'll try to write more omg. I feel like Catalyst is a bit more like this like in prose-obsessiveness and stuff iDK. Lily/James is a fantastic OTP and I'm glad you thought I did well and Lily leapt of the page!! I think it's important to portray the war coming though because like I mean they knew we all know and they are all going to /die/. there should be some foreshadowing of that.
er me teach you how to write? Jenni you are like the queen of gr9 writing. Actually more like gr10. or gr11. or gr984720587 because truly you are great so idk maybe you should teach me



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Review #2, by navyfail phases of the moon.

9th July 2013:
Hi, I'm Sama. Here from the Ravenclaw review battle.
When I was looking through your author's page, I stopped on this one.
The title intrigued me (and I also wanted to read a story that had my banner,lol).

By reading the beginning I can already tell that this piece of writing was well thought out. I love how you use words. "It is a cruel master, this morbidity." I really like this line. It sums the first two paragraphs and brings them together.

Another thing I like is that you don't tell us who the characters are. We have to find out through the clues you give us. And then around wanning gibbous you start using pronouns.

You make Lily seem very human, which is great. She doesn't feel fake at all. Her emotions are a tangle and she is still sorting through them. What she feels is very real-like. And how she holds back is also human nature too. Good job on that!

One thing I stumbled upon : "Willing himself to try one more time to gain her admiration, to bring He hardly liked to break her concentration, which seemed so strangely intense. " I have a feeling that a period or comma is missing. :P

Great one-shot. Great writing. Great last sentence. ;) this is probably going down in my favorites.

~Sama (Team Blue)

Author's Response: Hello! You're on team blue, which makes you double cool first off tbh, but that is irrelevant because I just realised I now have two of your banners. Whoops. I think I'm fast becoming a fangirl because your graphics are really cool and awesome omg.
But, er, my own fangirling aside thank you so much for the review! I'm actually editing this right now (like right right now; I have a word doc open with this thing's edit in it) and I also picked up on that! I think I may have actually accidentally deleted/forgotten to write half a sentence.
Thank you so much for the review and I'm glad glad glad you liked my story!


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Review #3, by purplepotter77 phases of the moon.

9th July 2013:
Here for the Bronze vs. Blue review battle!

I loved this story. The description was beautiful, and I loved how it was sort of dark and haunting at the same time. Most Marauders era stories, especially Lily and James one-shots, are pretty fluffy. I think your story also recognizes that the war is coming without saying it directly, in the sense that you show how their future seems very uncertain, and they don't even know how much longer they'll live.

I like how you wrote Lily's and James' relationship here - Lily's feelings for James change gradually, and later on she realizes that it runs a lot deeper than just physical attraction.

Another thing that I really liked about this piece was how you incorporated the moon into the story and into their relationship. The end in particular used the moon symbolism really well.

All in all, it was lovely to read, and even if it's not your usual style, I think you should definitely try it out more! :D

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for the great review- I know about the fluff thing! I think that the fact that there's a war coming on (and they know it) is definitely something that is interesting to write about! I think relationships are always a gradual shift, and because it was portrayed very clearly in the books and films that Lily DIDN'T initially get on with James, I tried to kind of bleed that through here. As for the moon, well, I think it's a very powerful symbol so I'm glad I used it reasonably well! Thank you so much for the review, and I will have a go!

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Review #4, by charlottetrips phases of the moon.

7th July 2013:
Loved the use of the moon phases to tell the story. It illustrated well the passing time as well as the changes in Lily. Your Lily is darken than most I've read. Admittedly, I don't read a lot of Marauders era type stories and when I do they're pretty fluffy so this, not being fluffy, is dark. . . . You know what I mean (I hope).

Anyway, your Lily is dark without the above confusing comparative!

I like how initially she rationalizes her feelings for James before coming to realize that they're deeper than some physical longing. The descriptions were poetic (maybe too poetic for me) but they were lovely to read. (You must know that I am just not a poetry type of person.)

I think if you kept trying this style out, you'll smooth out the words and descriptions but that is just a personal opinion, feel free to ignore.

Overall, a lovely read and somehow hopeful despite the morose thoughts of the beginning.

Char

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I find it impossible to read marauders because its just too depressing haha, but yeah I get what you mean :) I personally like quite poetic novels, so I guess the style rubs off on me. I will keep practicing with the style, because its certainly one I enjoy using. Thank you so much for the review, and I'm so glad you liked it.
Charlie


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Review #5, by UnluckyStar57 phases of the moon.

2nd July 2013:
Hi! I'm here for the B v. B review battle! :D

So... For this being only an "attempt" at Jily, it was REALLY DARN AWESOME!!!

I love, love, LOVE all of the wonderful description packed into this one-shot. Your words really pack a powerful punch, and that's a really fabulous thing to have in your writing toolbox. The description was so...angry, almost, and yet, there was love instead.

The phases of the moon were beautiful. You incorporated pieces of the night sky in very well with the tale of James and Lily's little story. And I also really enjoyed how it wasn't like, "Oh, I can't resist you anymore, James! You are so hawt!"

Instead, it was more of a quiet resistance--"No, I don't want to like him, but I do. If only because he's more than he seems to be." Very cool. Very cool, indeed!!

Wonderfulness!! I think that you've definitely been smiled upon by the writing muses, and I'm so glad that I chose to read this story!!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hello!
ahh thank you so much for this review! It's so great that you liked it! And smiled upon by the writing muses, wow, you've been smiled upon by the really really nice and lovely person muses then! As for the quiet resistance, I always thought that they'd just kind of mellow out their relationship then like it would all happen, and I guess that was what I tried to show here, even if it did kind of all go down in a bed of angst. Again, thank you so so so much! to be honest I'm totally fangirling over this review. Can I even do that? I don't know but it's just SUCH A LOVELY REVIEW IDK. You've totally made my day/week/upcoming future!
Charlie
xxx


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Review #6, by dimming phases of the moon.

26th May 2013:
Oh my goodness. This is STUNNING. Just... wow. I am in awe.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really appreciate it xx

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Review #7, by Ron 4 Hermione phases of the moon.

9th February 2013:
Hey there, here to review your piece for my challenge! :)
This was a chilling piece, the way you wrote it was so lovely but so haunting at the same time. It really fitted the mood of the story and the descriptions you used were perfect.

That last line, ergh so sad! It's sad to think that once they were just two kids, at school trying to work out weather they liked each other or not and then it was over. Just like that. And Harry was left :'(

Your prompt was James/Lily and you've did a great job on showing how Lily changed her perception of James and I love the quote at the end about when a hero is born a star is born, it's so moving!

A lovely one-shot and you've did a great job with the prompt! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review, i really enjoyed your challenge!

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