Reading Reviews for It's Not Love
  
100 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Voldy Needs a Hug When It All Began

13th August 2013:
Hello! It's Voldy Needs a Hug with your (very late) review.

After reading your summary, I was looking forward to an original, humorous story. I was not disappointed, to say the least.

I must commend you for the creativity that was evident in this chapter. In a single chapter, you incorporated a rather detailed description Mikaela's family, providing insight on matters that weren't addressed in the Harry Potter series. That is no easy feat to accomplish. You established an excellent balance between dialogue and descriptions, which is challenging for many authors. Your descriptions were short, concise, and to the point, making this chapter an enjoyable read.

The chapter flowed smoothly from one event to the next. Your transitions were flawless. I enjoyed the fast paced plot, which immediately captured and held my attention.

And now for some constructive criticism. Overall, I noticed a few minor spelling, punctuation, and grammar mistakes, particularly in the placement of your commas. Additionally, I think the cursing was a bit extreme at the end of the chapter, especially when a reader is not expecting it. Lastly, you may want to play around with the spacing of your chapter. There is quite a bit of blank space visible between each paragraph.

Keep writing! Great job!

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Review #2, by Elphaba and Boyfriends A Father Who Cares And A Long Drive Into The Rain

27th May 2013:
I like the switch to Draco's POV at the beginning of this chapter, and the way that you've interpreted him. This thought of his rings especially true: "I know how it feels to have a set of obligations to follow, to be the subservient one."

There are a few awkward phrases here and there, such a this one near the beginning: "As soon as she rushed out, the whole of manor seemed to turn void." I get that by "turn void" you mean that it became empty, I'm just not sure of the best way to phrase this, maybe: "the whole manor seemed to turn into a void."

Here's another one from Draco's section: "You have to swallow emotions you wouldn't, normally, want to acquaint with..." I think it would work better as "to acquaint yourself with..."

And here's one more from Mikaela's section: Other students at Hogwarts have a diversified sets of ambitions from my own..." I think "have different sets" would work better than "a diversified sets."

I like the humorous tone of Mikaela's POV. There are some great lines thrown into her inner monolog, like: "That's just way too much to ask for, right Karma? Destiny? Fate? Screw you along with all the other pathetic nouns that refer to you!"

I like that Mikaela is so comfortable with her selfishness and pride, these traits are much more believable than modesty, given her family legacy. It would seem false for her to act humbly. I like her justification for her attitude: "My family name means too much to me. I can't just slag around and let my family honour crumble."

I also like the inner debate she has with herself as she drives. Her train of thought as she resins through her situation is entertaining and believable. Her temptation to become a muggle and her decision not to both make sense.

I really like how this chapter ends, with her car dying in the middle of nowhere and a muggle couple coming up behind her. These next-to-last sentences are great: " I sulk inwardly but put my fake smile on for show. It works like magic, like it always does." I can totally picture her putting on a show for them. :)

Author's Response: Heyyy
thankyou for pin pointing this out.
this is the beta-ed version. I will have to go back and fix it. GAH.
But I will.
thankyou for putting an effort and responding to my request.
You are aweseome? Not a question... Its a statement.
Will be requesting the next review really sooon.
Thankyou :D
Em


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Review #3, by lemonpeeps When It All Began

26th May 2013:
first things for layout I'd make the spaces between the paragraphs a little smaller, it will be easier for reading.

And since I'm not a beta I'm not going to pick through every paragraph and every sentence I'm just going to go ver a few things.

You do a great job describing things and the objects around people, which is good, I have a nice clear vision of what and where people are. But I do think you lack a little in the describions of what people are doing and how people are doing it.

For the big long story Malfoy is giving to his daughter, you should develop his voice and how he is speaking, does he pause between paragraphs? Does he speed up near the end to try to get things over. Is he talking slowing and methodically? Describe that!

Also describe where people are in the dining room, is Malfoy at the head of the table, or sitting next to Astoria? Are there shadows that could be described further adding to the foreshadowing and negative tone of the chapter? If you imagine it, write it out, show me what the characters are doing and how they are reacting.

Also a fantastic plot idea, its original and exciting. I can't wait to see what you do next!

I hope this is what you were looking for, and I did truly enjoy reading it

Happy Writing
lemonpeeps ox

Author's Response: How did I miss this review.
ANYWAY
HIII.
OMG. I never thought of that.
I juss let the people assume. You know imagine how you wanna type?
Yup. That.
Anyway, it was my first shot. Like ever. Publicly I mean, I never wanted to edit it again. But I will go back and add a few more details.. sooon.. when I am done being lazy...
NEVERTHELESSS, Thankyou
Emm


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Review #4, by HorseMad99 A Fail End To A Birthday And Some Best Friend Issues

23rd May 2013:
Hi it's your requested reviewer!
'Its in the second ballroom,' oh just the second FREAKING ballroom, I think I am becoming jealous of the Malfoy's huge fictional house.
'This place is worse than a muggle zoo' this is exactly how I feel at the January sales, it's crazy.
'Are you paying him to marry you?' It's so scarily accurate and it makes me sad :(
'You are strong enough to handle this, I believe in you,' this has to be the cutest thing any brother has said EVER.
'Just six days until I become answerable to someone else other than my parents and six days until it all becomes real' it really puts everything into perspective because she has only got six more days until she is committed to someone she doesn't want to be with. What happens if she falls in love whilst she is married to Nicholas,I can't imagine how horrible that would feel. (I think I may have an idea of what might happen but I don't want to spoil it for other readers if I am right so I will PM it to you!)
I'm so glad that Mikaela didn't let it turn into a huge argument when she found out about Alex's secret relationship because she really needs her friends right not and I think if they had of had a huge argument it might have ripped my heart to shreds.
'Dora would not tell on you, Miss, Dora promises!' I think Dora has to be my favourite character, I have a soft spot for house elves seeing as Dobby was my favourite character in the Harry Potter series.
'Both smiled sadly' they feel so bad for her but they can't show it because they know they have to stay strong for her.
YOU ARE MAKING ME SO EMOTIONAL RIGHT NOW!
This was an amazing chapter, my favourite so far all I can say is WOW!!
10/10,feel free to re-request!
Beth :)

Author's Response: OMG YOU REALLY ARE GETTING EMOTIONAL? THATS SO CUTE?
MADE MY DAY!
CAPS LOCK OFF NOW...
okay so wowww.
this review is just perfect.
funny anrd simple and sweet.
thankyou
i will. promise
Em


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Review #5, by Maelody A Father Who Cares And A Long Drive Into The Rain

23rd May 2013:
Here I am again! :D

Wow, this was really nice to read! Your character is developing very nicely and quite hilariously! I agree with just how ashamed Draco feels, and how he related to his wife. The description of the family, and her personality really fit in this chapter well. It was all together quite smooth and very easy to read! :)

I love how Mikaela addresses the world quite a lot, as though it's the main source of her problems, but yet she has also grown very comfortable with who she is. An averagely pretty girl, someone who knows she has a lot of money, someone who knows about her family name, and someone who is pretty cynical all around. It makes it that much more enjoyable. :)

I think one of my favorite parts of this chapter was when you described her smile. A smile is such an important part of a person's personality, and I feel that some author's just mention their characters have straight/crooked teeth or something and have it it. You approach it as who she is, how she does it, and what it simplifies. We really get to see inside her head, and I think you've done a really wonderful job with this!

I'm curious as to who this old Muggle couple is. Were they just people behind her, or are they going to be someone that needs to talk to her? I sort of wonder if they're her future fiance's grandparents. That'd be pretty interesting. Though, her reaction to hoping they weren't killers, molesters, or anything of that like really cracked me up! That's exactly what would have gone through my mind and I'm glad to see I'm not the only one!

Great job! Thank you for requesting! Definitely feel free to request again! :)

Author's Response: haha hi
lol no not her future in laws cause the are purebloods you see. not the muggle type.
im so glad you are liking this.
thankyouuu


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Review #6, by Maelody When It All Began

22nd May 2013:
Hey there! It's Mae with your requested review! :)

First of all, just to get this out of the way, your title should be "It's Not Love" to show that it is not love. I don't know how important that is to you, but I noticed it and it bugged me just a little bit ;).

Anyway, I really really like the concept of this story! I've actually read a few arranged marriage stories before on a different site, but this one seems a little more thought out! I don't necessarily agree that Narcissa would be the one to make such an arrangement, because in the end I always imagined that she cared less about purity than her husband did and always had. I could be terribly wrong about that though.

Mikaela is really funny as well! Her inner dialog had me laughing quite a few times. :) Though, since this is done in first person, I'm not exactly sure how necessary it is to have italics to show her thoughts. First person is her inner thoughts at all time. Having her have thoughts in her inner thoughts just gets a little...awkward. ;)

I've never seen a concept of Scorpius having a twin before. Especially not a girl twin. She seems very different compared to all of the Scorpius characters I've ever read, so I wonder what he'll be like once we get a chance to meet him. I did like that he is standing up for his sister though. I can tell that in this family, family is very important to them. Though, I do think it was a bit of a sucky move on Draco and her mother's part to not tell her for two years of the agreement he made with her grandmother.

She has a VERY nice car by the way! It's a bit odd that she isn't using some magical way of transportation, but I'm sure they have their reasons of getting her a Muggle contraption instead of the floo! :)

I really do like the idea of this story so far! Feel free to re-request! :D

Author's Response: lol hi
that debate has been going in my head since a while lol
i think im going to change it. yup,changing it.
you will lovescorp.
he is awesome. much better than mikaela.
thankyouufor this review.
Em


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Review #7, by s2rocks When It All Began

22nd May 2013:
I'm here for the requested review.

Firstly, you have tried a plot which is based on arrange marriage and it's like unbreakable bond but you just loose you magic instead of dying.

Your starting was amusing 'open my eyes' mission, that was hilarious. i also liked the adjective line that you used for happy birthday.

I liked how you described the manor and also the party how rudy Gryffindors would crash in. Is Scorpius a Gryffindor because it looked like that?

Your OC is funny and she is easily distracted which help in the humor part.

I should say that it was rather cruel or should I say heartless of Narcissa to try and get a promise from Draco on her death bed but it's clever in a sense that she wanted her family to remain pureblood and maintain the friendship between Kings and Malfoys.

The reaction of Mikeala was good and well expected and I really loved that Draco let his children to have muggle things. It meant he redeemed after the war.

Great chapter and very interesting plot.

P.S. At least her marriage is not with any Potter which I have read in other fics.

-Shelly

Author's Response: Haha, heeey.
Yes he's a Gryffie. :D
And it gets better later.
Lol Potters are involved. You'll find out soon. But not like other stories.
Thankyou so much.
Em


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Review #8, by STG Sagmag Long Walks And Oversharing Of Tales

21st May 2013:
Hey, STG Sagmag here with your review :D

Hmm... interesting. Mika would choose magic over love? Well, personally, that wouldn't be my choice, but this gives us an insight to how she really thinks.

"I mean, I'm basically betrothed to Nick. Bloody Merlin, did I just nickname Nicholas?
Interesting, even the word nickname has a “nick” in it."

I laughed out loud at that.

A couple of spelling mistakes. etc. etc. I'm not going to bore you with all that. Just want to know - "Square emeralds adorn a silver metal, sparkling in the light". A silver metal what? Band? Square? Chain of links?

I liked the flashback that Astoria had (so Romeo Juliet), and I was just wondering... is the mysterious Ravenclaw boy of Astoria's past revealed late in the story?

Keep writing, I can't wait to meet Nick :)
xSara

Author's Response: Hello there,
She has for now... She's very unpredictable like that.
Also, its a square I think. She gets a bracelet from her mother.
Yes he will come later ;)
Thankyouu.
Em.


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Review #9, by HorseMad99 Best Friends And All That Jazz

20th May 2013:
Hi, it's your requested reviewer again.
So I love the conversation at the start, it shows how well they get on because they can insult each other and it doesn't matter at all because they know each other well enough to realise that they are joking.
'I'll hex her ass later. Well by later I mean within the next thirty seconds' I really like this quote because it is really relateable for example if someone ever tells me that they will help me with something later, I wait about thirty seconds until I ask again claiming that it is later now.
'I don't want to see his face!' I really think that this represents how much she doesn't want this marriage, she can't look at his face because she can't even get around the fact that she has to marry someone let alone that this is the actual person that she has to marry.
I also like the quote, 'I had plans for the future. No of which involved some bloke and a life commitment' first no should be 'none' but apart from that I think the quote really shows how much she doesn't want this. It is likely that she will have to give up most of her dreams and aspirations all because she has Nicholas.
You definitely make people sympathise for Mikaela as a character.
This was another very nice chapter, feel free to re-request at some point if I have a spot free!
Beth :)

Author's Response: hii. GUESS WHATTT YOU DO HAVE A SPOT FREE? YAY?
THANKYOU SO MUCH!! your reviews are good for my writing ego. lol.
i will correct these silly grammatical errors soon.
thannnksss
em


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Review #10, by STG Sagmag A Father Who Cares And A Long Drive Into The Rain

20th May 2013:
Hey, STG Sagmag here with your review :D

I liked this chapter - especially the variety you provided with the change in POVs. Draco was believable, and as usual Mikaela was snarky and fun.

Something I don't quite get is how you plan on mapping out Mika's personality. In the last chapter, she was a sarcastic rebel, but in this one, she described herself to be "average" and apparently her friends call her a "boring control freak".

I really liked the paragraph where she was describing her physical appearance, because it was just so descriptive and well written. I also love how Scorp is hot. Just saying.

Feel free to re-request for the next chapter :)
xSara

P.S. Paradise by Coldplay is one of my favorite songs!

Author's Response: Haha heyy,
she is a rebel only when she is angry. you should see her with her friends. :P
Scorp is awesommee and HOT ;)
YES I WILL
Thankyouu


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Review #11, by Elphaba and Boyfriends When It All Began

19th May 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review. For any fanfic, not just a first one, this story starts out very strongly! I love your OC's interior monologues with herself: "Mission 'open my eyes' is now in progress. Damn you blanket, you are too comfortable."

Your description of the dining room where most of this first chapter takes place is strong over all, however I might move the paragraph that begins "Our dining room is enormous," just ahead of this section: "I walk into the dining hall and see my family sitting at our huge, wooden dining table," to make the whole passage flow better.

You do a really good job of setting up that bad news is about to be delivered, and they all feel terrible. You describe both her parents and Scorpius well. There is one spot where I think you could add a few details: "I notice that she has been crying previously, as well." What does she notice specifically, are her eyes puffy, is her nose red, is there some other telltale sign?

The set-up for Mikaela's betrothal to Nicolas is elaborate, but I think it works well. I don't see any holes in the logic and think it is believable that they would a) hide it from her and b) agree to go along with it.

There's one small detail that I would change during Draco's speech: "We can, however, prolong the marriage as long as we please, as long as, you two do intend to marry each other." I would replace "prolong" with "delay" because it seems to better fit the context of what he's saying.

The only other comment I have is just on the formatting. The extra spaces between paragraphs are a little jarring -- not a huge deal but I you do edit the chapter they could be deleted.

I really like the mix of traditional pureblood and modern muggle elements in this story. For instance, they have house-elves and live in a mansion decorated with antiques, but they also get manicures, drive cars and seem to treat their house elves decently.

I think this story is off to a great start, and I'm curious to see how Mikaela will react next, and how she and Nicolas will interact with each other.

Author's Response: Hey yess
THANKYOUU. I will fix the spacing.
Thankyou.
Em :D


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Review #12, by HorseMad99 The First Official Encounter Along With Presents

19th May 2013:
Hello, it's your requested review again!
'I just wanted this Sodding day to end' I like the quote but there is no need to capitalize the 's' of Sodding. Along the lines of capitalization, near the end where you have written 'I need to give scorp his present,' remember to capitalize his name.
'Is it hug Mikaela day? It bloody hell looks like that' again I like the quote but I think it would sound better as 'it bloody well looked like that'
'Samuel nodded and wished me.' what did he wish her!?
I like how Sam apologises but then I lost all respect for him when he started talking about how he wanted the engagement party to be that weekend. He needs to give her time to get her head around it, for goodness sake she has only just found out, would it be wrong of me to want to kill Samuel right now?
I really like her out burst, she DESERVES to be angry, I can't imagine how I would be feeling right now if I was in her situation but I do know that at some point I would have gone COMPLETELY crazy. I don't think they are allowing for the fact she has just found out nor are they being very understanding about it.
'They are all staring at me as if I performed a forbidden spell on a baby' first I like the description of her reaction but they seriously need to be more realistic. Did they expect her to just go along with it without any complaints. I bet it is because they think it is not her place to disagree because she is a girl and they seem like quite a traditional family. Grr at sexist people.
'Hush now, it's just a set of rocks for and actual rare diamond' this is really cute but it definitely screams out 'insincere because I just want you to marry my son so that he doesn't lose his magical powers but I don't really care about you'
And finally, 'this was the only golden trio I wanted to belong to and I did,' this has to be one of the cutest lines ever!
Feel free to re-request.
Beth :)

Author's Response: Heyy
Yes I will correct these mistakes.
He wished her a happy birthday :p
Yes a very traditional sexist pureblood family.
YESSS that's what i wanted people to get. Its a bribe :p
You will love the next chapter :D
Em


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Review #13, by HorseMad99 Long Walks And Oversharing Of Tales

18th May 2013:
Hi it's your requested reviewer again!
So to start off with, I love how the old man and the old lady gave her hope for her situation (as well as giving her a lift)
I like how she is trying to convince herself that maybe she will like him after all because she doesn't want to let Draco down but you can tell that she doesn't really want too. I especially like how she says 'I'm sure we'll meet shortly. I mean, we're supposed to get married' it really shows what it is like to be in an arranged marriage, she has hardly even met him very many times and they expect her to marry him and have a kid!
I have to say when Dora said 'Dora will always be there miss' it was possibly the most cute and heart-breakingly sweet thing I have ever heard though I may be biased because house elves are my favourite characters ever.
I liked the flashback for Astoria as well as her telling Mikaela that her marriage was also arranged. I don't know whether it will influence Mikaela's decision or not but it was really well written and my heart melted when the Ravenclaw guy said 'Stay happy,' and 'don't forget me.'
One final thing to add, I sort of feel bad for Draco and Astoria because from what it says, it implies there marriage was formed on mutual misery which makes me sad too even if they did end up falling in love with each other. Feel free to re-request!
Beth :)

Author's Response: Hi againn
There is so much to Draco and Astoria. They do love each other a lot however the binding laws of marriage worked. For Mikaela it's totally different.
Dora is awesome. You will see more of her soon.
:D
Thankyouu
Em


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Review #14, by Siriusly89 When It All Began

18th May 2013:
Hello, Siriusly89 here with your criminally late review. It has taken me thirteen whole days to get round to reviewing this for you, and for that I am so, so sorry.

Oh, I like Mikaela, she seems snarky, but not annoyingly so. She seems just like any typical teenager who woke up on their birthday to find out their family hasn’t remembered. Although I have a feeling they have, there’s just something they’re not telling Mikaela.

Oh! It sounds like Draco made in Unbreakable Vow with someone concerning his kids. It’s bothering me now as to what it is!

They betrothed Mikaela to some ‘King’ person? Who does that? I know they’re purebloods and all that, but it’s the twenty-first century! Come on!

The detail you went into describing the bonds of the whole thin was so well though out! It proves just how much planning you put into this!

I agree with Mikaela, her family is messed up! I can’t wait to see where this goes.

A very good opening chapter, feel free to re-request and sorry about the delay again.

Author's Response: Haha heyy
Yes I will.
Thankyou soo much :D
Em


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Review #15, by STG Sagmag When It All Began

18th May 2013:
Hey, STG Sagmag here with you review :D

Ouch. Finding out that you have to marry some random bloke because your dead grandmother wanted you to is pretty much the worst birthday present (bar actually having her die on the day) I'v ever heard.

This chapter was pretty good - sarcastic, funny, all of that. There were a couple of grammatical errors, but not enough to matter. However, I do feel that you didn't give enough background info on your OC. All I really know about her is that she's seventeen, female and is Scorpius Malfoy's twin.

I also think that you overuse italics a bit, and also use them in places where they're not really necessary. For example, this line could just be written in plain text: "... as I continue to walk, I wonder if I'm walking into a surprise. Should I have dressed before coming down? I mean, it is my birthday and I am sort of a birthday freak."

Mika (she has such a cute nickname!) has that totally fun personality that's brash, young and oozing with attitude, which is great. There were kind of American-y touches to this chapter, like where she says she got a BMW for her last birthday. I'm not sure whether she'd be allowed to drive in England (and it also seems a tad muggle for the Malfoys), but the Malfoys HAVE been known for gifting their kids stuff they're too young for, and driving away like that just adds to her rebellious personality.

This was overall a nice, well written chapter. Feel free to re-request for chapter 2 :)
~Sara

Author's Response: Haha she isnt she is very spoiled. Plus muggle age limits dont matter to them.
malfoys are cool like that lol.
I cant wait for re requesting
Thankyouu!!
Em


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Review #16, by HorseMad99 A Father Who Cares And A Long Drive Into The Rain

18th May 2013:
Hi, it's your requested reviewer again!
At the start I sort of hate Draco because he says 'I hope she doesn't decided to become a muggle' as if it will affect the way he is around her and affect who she is however this represents Draco as a character really well.
I like when Draco says ' Damn those sodding muggles and their innovations' because it really shows how the Wizarding population has embraced muggle technology which hopefully means less people are less prejudice towards muggles.
I like how you used Draco's point of view for the start, it gave it a new perspective and showed that he really didn't want to have to do this do his daughter.
I also like how you used the song 'Paradise' to relate to how she feels.
The pep talk to herself was good because it is the type of thing that many people can relate to having done before.
I think the way she says 'Merlin's knickers! I'm starting to sound like a Hufflepuff!' shows how having Draco as a father has influenced her because it's just because of his prejudice, as there isn't any real reason why being a Hufflepuff is bad.
I like this chapter, feel free to re-request!
Beth :)

Author's Response: I love draco! My favv.
Also I like how you quote. Makes my day!
Thankyou so much for this adorable review.
Em


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Review #17, by HorseMad99 When It All Began

17th May 2013:
Oh my goodness.
Hi, its you requested review.
First off I love the chapter summary, it's really funny.
'operation open my eyes is now in progress' I really like this because it is basically what I am like every morning!
I really like some of the things that Mikaela says like 'wonderful/happy/ any other adjective you would like to put here' and 'are they sacrifycing me?'
It is instantly engaging by using her humor and the who mystery/suspense of the situation. I like how she seems to have a short attention span, it gives the character depth and makes it so much more fun to write.
It was a very dramatic start to the story but I really love it, I can't believe she might lose her magic!! Though I did like how she wasn't just going to agree to it just because her dad said it was neccessary. She still seemed to want to stand up for herself.
This is a really nice first chapter, feel free to re-request!
Beth :)

Author's Response: FAVV REVIEW.
I love this
Thankyouuu :D
Em


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Review #18, by Broken Butterfly A Father Who Cares And A Long Drive Into The Rain

7th May 2013:
This is good. There are still several spelling errors that need to be re-looked at because they do stand out. Otherwise this is good, I like the two perspectives we get in the story, though a better transition could also be used as well. Good work, all the way round.
BB

Author's Response: thankyou
xx


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Review #19, by MissMdsty A Fail End To A Birthday And Some Best Friend Issues

6th May 2013:
Albus is better, of course! He's related to The Boy Who Lived!

Mikaela is really moody and upset and I can see why that is, but I still found her reaction to Alex's dating news a bit over the top. I can understand the feeling of seeing your friends throw their life away, but it's a choice and whether you are or aren't okay with it, it's of no importance for the friend. People just want to be happy and I hope to see the day when Mikaela gets to that point.

Your writing is improving with every chapter and I'm very happy to see that. Good job dear! :)

Author's Response: thankyouuu
Mikaela is kind of over protective. thats why.
she cares too much sometimes.
thankyouuu
Em


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Review #20, by Broken Butterfly When It All Began

4th May 2013:
Wow, I actually like this. I really hoping that it isn't Rose Weasley heavy because I can't handle all teh next-gen guys and keep sane. I think this is written really well. Characterization is fair, I like Maelika, but Draco does seem a bit OOC for me. I really do not dislike anything about this. I didn't notice any grammatical errors thats tood out to me, good thing. Great Job, please re-request for chapter 2. BB

Author's Response: heyyy
thankyouuu
a cookie for you liking this ;D
THANKS
EM


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Review #21, by -BookDinosaur- A Fail End To A Birthday And Some Best Friend Issues

4th May 2013:
Sorry it took me so long, but I'm finally here with your requested review!

Mikaela is a very spunky character, her point of view on things is very interesting and she is fun to read.

Your characters are well developed and I especially liked the relationship between Al and Mikaela and Mikaela and her friends. I think it's good that they aren't afraid to call her out on her judging people and running away, it shows a strong friendship.

I also liked the relationship between Dora and Mikaela, it was sweet and well written.

My CC for you would definitely be your grammar, punctuation and spelling. I found quite a few errors in your story and that disrupted the flow of your story quite a lot. Aside from that, the giant paragraphs (for example when Draco is telling Mikaela about the curse or Mikaela is telling us about her closet) get very boring, so maybe you could break them down some more?

Other than that, great story and I'm looking forward to more!

Author's Response: heyy
thankyou
yes they would be the death of me, typos and what not.
im glad you enjoyed it
thankyouu
Em


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Review #22, by VML99 A Fail End To A Birthday And Some Best Friend Issues

2nd May 2013:
AL'S HERE. FINALLY! Looking forward to what more will happen at the engagement. The King bloke seems interesting, with all the single red rose thing as a birthday gift.

Author's Response: Yes. It will be.
Thankyou
Em


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Review #23, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriend A Fail End To A Birthday And Some Best Friend Issues

29th April 2013:
Sorry it took me a few days to get to this, but here I am with a review :)

I like how you keep your characters very much the same. They don't suddenly become different people in a next chapter. I know that can sometimes be hard in the beginning of a story but you've been doing great on that end!

I like that Mikaela's friends call her out on her behaviour. She is quite judgemental and a bit mean. It's only fair they tell her and fire back. Who knows it might open up her eyes someday. Even if she means well (she thinks Alex deserves better) it does not do to go through life this way.

I am still very curious to meet Nicolas. I wonder what effect he will have on Mikaela. His gesture was nice, but I completely understand why she reacted to it the way she did.

One small thin g that could perhaps make things easier for the reader; make her internal dialogue different from the rest by italicizing it.

There was less description in this chapter. Which weakened the flow of the chapter a little. I saw Lululuna gave some good examples in that department.

A few typos:
It is the source I is using to relax and it is working with great success.
One paragraph further into the story: and looking at my with a very intense gaze. : My would be me, right?
There were a few more typo's so perhaps it would be a good thing to let someone else look it over again. During writing, it's easy to miss, even when you look over it yourself. A fresh pair of eyes might help.
Also you write mostly in present tense, but a few sentences had past tense.

Author's Response: Heyy,
Yes I will correct all the typos. the just seem to ruin the story's effect.
Thankyou soo much :)
I am thinking of doing that with the dialogue.
Thankyou once again
Em


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Review #24, by 800 words of heaven A Fail End To A Birthday And Some Best Friend Issues

27th April 2013:
REVIEW TAG!

I like Nicolas far more than Albus, but that might be because WE STILL HAVEN'T MET HIM AND IT'S KILLING ME INSIDE. Is it too much to ask that you introduce the second line in your love triangle?

Mikaela was still annoying, but that makes for interesting reading, BECAUSE I STILL WANT TO MEET NICOLAS.

As you can see, I might be reading this for one reason and one reason only.

You know what I want next chapter!

Author's Response: HI,

Can I tell you how much I love this review. Well very much. I have a BIG grin on my face.

Nicolas... is on his way to meet you. ;)

With his deep voice, blue eyes and macho built and damn, he dresses well!

Albus will grow on you. He is a lot like Mikaela and so will Mikaela. Give them time. They are spoiled brats!

Anyway, you should keep on dreaming about Nick where as I will go and bring him here.

THANKSSS FOR THIS REVIEW. *hug*

Love,

Em



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Review #25, by adluvshp A Fail End To A Birthday And Some Best Friend Issues

27th April 2013:
Here for review tag.

Well the story just keeps getting interesting. I liked how you expressed all the frustration in Mikaela's mind. It was quite realistic. I am still unsure as to what part Albus plays in her life so far, but he seems like a prat to her xP Nicolas' gesture was quite sweet though of course Mikaela's reaction was only acceptable. I definitely think Nicolas is better than Albus, lol.

All in all, this was a fun chapter to read. Apart from a few grammar errors/typos, it was quite okay. Do continue writing.

Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Lol, it was exam stress and boy stalking me stress in real that got transgressed into writing. You will be in love with both boys, the love for Albus will come later though but it will.
Nicolas will be a badass, I can feel it already.
Thanks. xx
Em


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