Hi! this is for the review tag:
I really liked your story, it's plot is really good. You have shown that how in pureblood families, girls are usually married after they graduate from Hogwarts.
You have beautifully portrayed Narcissa and others characters.
'Leave this castle with the aspiration to do not what is asked of you nor what others are doing, but what is right.' this is my favorite line from Dumbledore's speech and how he Cygnus hated the Dumbledore.
You have shown the cruelness and hatred of Cygnus towards the headmaster perfectly.
The favorite character of the story was Andromeda. I loved the fact that knowing her family didn't want to see her, she came forward trying to convince her sister that the life she was living, was not good enough and she can have a better life. i loved the line when she said 'And what does it matter if he's caring if she doesn't love him?'
I loved the fact that you had shown that Lucius actually cared for Narcissa and didn't want her just as a trophy which usually pureblood male take their wife as.
It is great as in grammar and spelling.
So, in the end I liked it and it's really good and amazing. :D
-s2rocksAuthor's Response: Hi! I'm so pleased that you like this story! It's always great to hear that the characterization works, too!
I'm glad you liked that line from the speech, and that Cygnus' feelings towards Dumbledore came across as I intended it too!
I feel so bad for Andromeda! She's a lot stronger than Narcissa, I think, which is why she was able to make the more difficult choice, while Narcissa took 'the easy way'. Even if she did eventually fall in love with Lucius!
Once again, I'm so happy that you like this story! Thank you so much for such a wonderful review, I really appreciate it :) Report Review
This story gives me so many feels that I don't know what to do with them!! :D
At first, I just thought it was going to be about Narcissa graduating, so I kind of had the whole "Congratulations" mood going on. But when Cygnus started bashing Dumbledore, I felt like it was going to take a different turn, and it did!!
I think you did an AMAZING job of portraying the characters' thoughts and emotions here. I LOVE Andromeda, but when you allowed me to see her through Narcissa and Cygnus' eyes, I was kind of angry at her!
Deep down, though, I know Andromeda was trying to help out her baby sister, and seeing Narcissa refuse like that was kind of painful. Buut after seeing the way she and Lucius act together, it seems like they kind of ARE in love... so it's kind of like Cygnus got what he wanted, but Andromeda got what she wanted, too... if that makes any sense.
I know Narcissa only got bold enough to go through with it because of what happened with Andromeda, but still..
Anyway, this is another amazing piece, dear! Absolutely perfectly written! 10/10!Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much for this LOVELY review, and for making me smile even though I'm really too tired :D
I'm really happy that you thought that the characters thoughts and emotions were well portrayed! I love Andromeda too, and their whole situation is just so tragic. She wanted to help Narcissa, and yes, she did fall in love with Lucius and he with her, but I still think that she could have been saved from that dark life if she had gone with Andromeda. I agree, they both kind of did get what they wanted, but Andromeda also wanted to free her sister from their prejudices.
I am so, so happy to hear that you liked this! Thank you so much for leaving such a wonderful review and making my day :) Report Review
I'm glad to have come accross this story. There can never be enough stories focusing around the Blacks and the Malfoys...especailly stories like this one that try (and succeed) at giving each character a distinct personality and depth. Yuhu!
Usually, the Blacks are introduced in one big pile as part of an obligatory info-dump before the story continues. I'm very happy that you did not resort to that but instead let each character enter the picture on their own accord and in their own time.
The father standing up, Bella twirling her hair and Druella grabbing Narcissa's face...these simple details somehow brought the characters to life and distinguished them immediately. Without relying on contrasts, you somehow managed to not tell but illustrate what we already knew about the dominating, pinched and arrogant ways of the Blacks. It was clear that in your mind, neither character was a flat symbol, but instead a person, with flaws and inner conflicts.
I particularly liked how you foreshadowed the appearance of Andromeda with this: "Cygnus, on the other hand, now only had two daughters." It makes more sense to introduce such a family trauma not as a fact, but more as an unspoken feeling that tears at the characters while also uniting them. Although Narcissa and her father seem to have little in common, we see them both deal with the issue in the same way. I thought this was a great touch!
Generally, it seems that you thought out your themes very well: choice, perfection, control. Dumbledore's speech was an elegant way to tie these things together, and to establish the tragic contrast of what "right" can mean depending on the circumstances.
I would like to point out, though, that this sentence struck me as a bit off: "She’s beautiful, son. A great trophy to display to your friends." I realize that Lucius' father was intended to come off as misogynistic and rough, but I somehow can't imagine anyone saying that honestly. Even if he was half joking, the word choice would be a bit less, uh, straight-forward, I guess. As oppressive as high pureblood society might be, they would hardly degrade eachotehr in front of others. These things are known but go unspoken. I hope you see what I'm trying to say :P Basically, an indirect hint at Narcissa's status as a trophy would have probably been more realistic. And since the rest of your dialogue flows so well, this part really did stick out.
Ok, that's it! I liked this :D
Cheers!Author's Response: I definitely agree with you. The Blacks and the Malfoys certainly are a bunch of interesting people, so I really liked writing this. I'm so glad to hear that you liked it! :)
It's so nice to hear that their characters came across without interrupting the story with a lot of descriptions of them. I think that there is so much depth to the characters, which makes it both trickier and more interesting to write, and I'm glad that it came across in the story! They are all so very complicated.
It also makes me really happy to hear that you think that the themes were tied together. That was the point of Dumbledore's speech, and I'm glad to hear that it worked. Yes, this probably wasn't what Dumbledore meant by making the right choice, but it was the right one in Narcissa's mind.
As for that sentence, I absolutely agree with you. I haven't even thought about it like that before, but thank you so much for pointing it out! I'll try to come up with a better, more subtle way of putting it. I really appreciate your advice :)
Thank you so much for this review! It's really helpful and encouraging, and I appreciate it so much!! :) Report Review
Hey! Here for your requested review from the forums. Apologies for the delay.
I am a huge Narcissa fan - I write and read her a lot - so I was pleased to read this story. I think you did a great job with it, portraying her character, as well as her thought-process, and the choices she made and why, very well.
I liked the plot and the way the events unfolded. Andromeda's arrival and interaction with her family was definitely realistic. I liked how she seemed to care for Narcissa and wanted her to come with her, and how it was evident that she was hurt by her parents' words. I also liked how Narcissa compared her situation with Andromeda's, remembered Dumbledore's words, and made a choice then.
Lucius seemed quite sweet too, and I liked how he seemed to have some affections for Narcissa. It definitely shows a start of the caring attitude between the couple, as we see in the books. The ending was very sweet too, and it reinforced Narcissa's choice in a way which was good.
I didn't see any obvious grammar/language errors, so I think you did pretty good, especially since English isn't your first language.
Narcissa's characterisation was spot on as well. I loved the whole idea of "perfection" that she seemed to have, and the way her mind worked. You portrayed her quite well.
All in all, good work, and I hope I answered your concerns. I don't have any CC for you =)
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Thank you so much for doing this! I really appreciate it! I'm glad that you liked this One-shot, and that you found both the characterization and the plot believable. That makes me really happy.
I felt like Andromeda's arrival played a huge part in Narcissa's decision, because she got to see what she didn't want to happen.
And yeah, at first I wanted Lucius to be kind of cold, like his father, but they do love each other in the book, so I wanted to show that he was actually quite sweet to Narcissa.
Thank you again for the review :) Report Review
oh i'm just thirsty for more!Author's Response: how nice to hear! You can check out my other stories if you'd like :) thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Report Review
I really liked this One-shot. I thought you did a great job capturing the characterizations of the Black family. Even their response to Andromeda being pregnant and at Hogwarts to see Narcissa graduate was just how I would picture them to be. I did find myself laughing a couple of times at how proper the family is and thinking about how things actually turn out in the end of the series. They are quite the passionate group of people.
I also liked how you made Narcissa really think about what she wanted rather than rushing into it. She really is and always has been a divided character and seeing that trait come out in this story was wonderful. I also really enjoyed Bellatrix. She is just this insane character and always laughs, I find, at the most inappropriate times which adds to her insane-ness. :)
I did find a couple of places where the wording didn't flow well because of the tenses used. It's not a huge deal, but I thought I would mention it anyways.
Keep up the great writing! I look forward to reading more of your stories!! :)
-ScorpiusRose17Author's Response: First of all, thank you so much for taking the time to leave a review - and a long one too, I love those! ;)
I'm so happy that you liked this one-shot. The idea just came to me one night, so I thought I'd write it down. I guess I just imagine them as being overly proper, trying to make everything 'perfect', but failing miserably! That's what I love about Harry Potter - even the smaller characters, like Narcissa, has such an interesting background...
Yes, I thought it was quite hard to write about Bellatrix, actually, because she is such a special character. A great character, yes, but a tricky one all the same!
I will definitely take a second look on this story and try to edit it to the better. English is not my native language so I do make mistakes sometimes, but I'll try to improve :)
Thank you again! Your review has made me so happy, I hope you know that! I think you just made my day :) Report Review
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