Hey there, here to review the first chapter for my challenge! :)
Wow, this is an exciting first chapter! All the little hints at the start, the idea that something was going to happen, it reminded me of Hagrid (in the fourth book?) when he was talking about a storm coming. It's intreging and I can't wait to see what happens next!
It's an interesting characteristation of Hermione, yet I do belive it could be canon! She want's something to happen and would rather wait for it then be happy with the ordianry life, isn't this srt-of like the Hermione we know? The time turner, she didn't have to take so many lessons, she didn't have to use the time turner to go back to save Sirius but she did. It's extreme but war changes people and since this is a Dramione, I think that may be the closet thing to canon!
Your prompt was mystery and you've did a perfect job with it. This is filled with mystery and I have so many questions I want answers to, who sent the note? What exactly is going to happen? I suppose I'll just have to wait and find out!
Great story, can't wait to see what happens next and you've did a great job with the prompt! :) Report Review
Hello there! This had interested me from the moment it showed up in the queue! You wrote this so well and with such strained emotion that I felt like I was actually in the story--I forgot it would end! I like the unconventional way this story is headed; it's different from nearly every other Dramione I've read, and that's a good thing. Continue with this quickly, I want to see what happens and how that might affect everything concerning Hermione's feelings towards Draco considering the bloody past they have with each other. Loved it! :) xx Report Review
Hello there! teh tarik from the forums here with your requested review :)
I'm rather short on time so my review won't be too long, apologies for this!
My goodness, this is a gripping story. Tension, suspense, intrigue - all of this sounds like a wonderful combination. I love love the fact that you're exploring a post-Hogwarts Hermione (I'm also working out a plunny with a post-Hogwarts postwar Hermione in it), and I can really see how the Sherlock quote fits in here. The two scenes at the beginning with Harry and Ginny respectively were written so well - you've really shown how this new life has really numbed Hermione's ability to connect and empathise with her old friends. She does deviate a little from canon-Hermione, but that's not something I'm too fussed about, and I'm going to go with the explanation that war really changes people ;) Her eagerness for action was rather startling, and somehow this sense of desperation in Hermione of all people was so chilling, and there was something rather...sinister to it. I was really unsettled at that moment where she almost decides to leave Draco to die out of revenge. It might be a little extreme, even for a bitter postwar Hermione; I suggest you really go into further detail to explain or really show her psychological and emotional state.
As for your other characters, namely Ginny and Harry, I think they were done very well. The two sections are rather sparse, but I really got a good sense of their characters - with Ginny being so optimistic and full of hope for a new existence - and there was really brilliant and unnerving contrast with Hermione's thoughts: Another one moving on. Another one lost.. Harry, too, is written wonderfully - his pretence and emotional facade - he comes off as rather withdrawn and detached, which actually does suit a postwar Harry very well.
As for the plot, as I mentioned, it's really really gripping, and you've got me hooked pretty much. There are tiny little details that make the whole situation just terrifying e.g. the red dot on the corner of the letter. And Draco turning up like that...wow.
I would advise you to watch out for tense slippages. You write in the present tense, which can be tricky sometimes, and more than once you slipped back into the past tense. There are also grammatical errors, especially the use of apostrophes. Also, do watch out for strange and awkward sounding sentences like: Wand is gripped tightly in her had, at the ready. This sentence seems like a mix of a fragment and a complete sentence. If you want to use sentence fragments, it would perhaps sound a little cleaner if you removed the "is" e.g. Wand gripped tightly in her hand, at the ready.
OK, well, I've enjoyed this story heaps. I think you've got quite a wonderful concept here, and the plot sounds like it'll make a terrific one. Also, I'd love to see how the relationship between Draco and Hermione develops, and how Hermione will change over time.
Great work! I hope this review is of some help to you :D
-teh Report Review
o i feel creep out in a good way! ^^ looking forward for more but could u give me a clear summary on what Hermione is going through? thanks hun!! Report Review
This doesn't sound like Hermione to me, she seems too sadistic and Hermione, while being bossy and sometimes mean, is often gentle. Example A would be Kreacher.
Plus, she seems completely crazy, I mean, a lot of the time, Hermione was terrified of something going wrong, I don't think she'd really want to go through nearly being killed by Nagini.
Having said that, I guess I can kind of see why Hermione would enjoy fighting (though in the books that's probably the last thing she wants to do) and having been through a war and so many traumatic experiences, this new Hermione makes sense . . . in a way.
That being said, there were some parts of the old Hermione in here that shone through, the parts in the end where she was thinking to herself about what had happened. About what she had almost let happen.
There's still some of logical, rational thinking Hermione there.
Anyway, it was actually a pretty good prologue, the writing was good and there were barely any grammatical errors at all. But, this has succeeded in making me depressed for the rest of the day. Report Review
Wow, I just don't even know what to say! As a huge dramione lover myself let me just tell you that this story has so much potential to be amazing, which it already is! The first chapter is grabbing, brings us into your characters the way you portray them, and then leaves us with this wonderful and a bit of a cliffhanger ending. I am in awe and in love with this story already.
The pov style that you have chosen is really good, and I think that you have captured this style really well! I give you props for that as I'm stuck on first person pov and I'm not sure I could do well in any other. I will say though at first the pov did confuse me, but only because I'm not used to reading or writing in this style but after reading a bit I began to get comfortable and could understand it better.
The setting/timing of the story is great as well! I love how everyone else seems to have moved on from the war and are getting around to starting their lives, but yet Hermione just can't seem to get over wanting something more. Wanting more action, more adventure. She wants to feel like she really is doing some good for the world and in real life and not just by saving lives by being a healer or an Auror. I've always kinda wondered what they would all do after the war was over, and I dont think the J K really ever says what they do, though I've always assumed they would all be in the ministry but I love your portrayal of Hermione here! She's basically just sitting at home all day every day, doesn't really work at all, just waiting for something big to happen. And now it has!
This ending has me hooked. I want to know so much right now about this story. Who are the people who keep sending these letters to her and why do they think that she would enjoy having Malfoy bleeding to death in her house? Also how do they get the letters and him to her? What's going to happen next? Is he going to appreciate her and the fact that she saved him, or is he still going to be upset that its her? How did he end up getting involved in this in the first place? And did he see who did this to him? GAH! I need to know!
I think I've already touched on characterization a bit, but let me just say that I loved it! Ginny was amazing, very happy about having her own kid on the way but also being there with Hermione and reliving the old days because she knows that that's basically all that Hermione really cares about. Harry was interesting as well. He's a bit like Hermione, missing the war and such, except that he was able to move on after the war and continue his life and not wait around for another war or something to happen in order to feel important again, though it does seem to have taken a toll on him.
The flow was amazing! Even though the story skips around a bit and you have the breaks between to show that we are skipping ahead in time, it never seemed to detract from the flow of the story at all. And description! Gah I just loved it! When you described Harry's eyes in particular really caught me and just made this stand out!
If you couldn't tell, I'm in love with this story! From characterization to flow to plot line to description it was all just fantastic. I will say I did notice one small mistake, just a small misspelling i do believe, but I forgot to copy it and now I can't find it. But other than that it was all just wonderful. Really great job! I look forward to reading more of this story and it's going in my favorites as soon as I send in this review! (also this is the longest review I've ever written!)
~Slytherinchica08~ Report Review
I quite like this. It is dark and suspenseful. I'd love to see more, if you want to continue. Report Review
Intriguing. Looking forward to the next chapter :) Report Review
Its me, Gabbie with your requested review and what an interesting story you've got for you! If there had been a character that I would have thought had a hard time letting the adventures go, it would have been Harry. But Hermione? I think that's a twist to her character that I've never really seen before, she has a thirst for adventure that I would have never guessed. It sort of makes sense, considering how she had spent alot of her time with the boys, going on adventures and such.
At some moments, I wanted to tone her down a bit and get back to the Hermione I knew from canon but I grew to really love how you have her here. She's like a figment of something that no one noticed, I'm not sure if that makes sense but she's sort of changing into someone else. Perhaps who she wanted to be all along? Hm.
So, those creepy letters. Who and why are the questions that are popping up in my mind right now, I can't seem to think of who would be watching her, first of all, and sending those cryptic messages. Curious, curious.
I'm sad about her relationship with Ron and Harry though, I wish that they could get closer again but Hermione seems reluctant to let that happen. Time is moving forward and it isn't pleasant for her, not at all. She doesn't want a quiet life, I think I loved that the most, she isn't willing to settle for less but I did like that she and Ginny had a talk.
Now, the gift. Way to be extra creepy! I'm not sure what was more worrying, the fact that Hermione thought of herself as a sadist or that Draco Malfoy was bleeding all over her kitchen.
So conflicted with how to handle that, isn't she? I hope she doesn't kill Draco. I want answers! Argh, so many questions!
I thought your style for this was fantastic, I really enjoyed the narration you have for it, its pretty unique. Thought your pacing was good and your dialogue was smooth and there were only two grammar things in this and they're so minor that you barely notice. So, awesome job!
Thanks for requesting this!
Gabbie Report Review
Ohh, I love it so far!
It just makes sense to me that it wouldn't be easy for someone who had an adventure every year at school and who helped save the wizarding world, to settle into a normal happy life. I know I would be the same.
I like how it's not cliche and Hermione and Draco haven't met at work together or at a bar when Ron's cheated on her. Not that I'm slating those sort of stories, it's just refreshing to see something different. This is different and
a very good different. You have a great style of writing too.
I'm really looking forward to the chapters to come and seeing where the story goes. Well done!!
Sapphire Eyes xx Report Review
Wow ok this is definatly a very different book a good different though. I cant judge too much because youve only got one chapter, and i would just like to say its good. I dont know how your gonna carry on but i hope the next chapter is draco coming around and him and hermione talking then you could end it with a note. Oh and about these notes dont make hermione think to hard about them just let them and the event unfold. Anyway please update soon ill be waiting to find out what happens next. Report Review
Hi! This is my first ever review so you should feel honoured, haha. I thought it was a really good start to the story and I'm looking forward to reading more. I like stories that aren't typical cliche-like so was gripped from the beginning. Please up-date soon! Will go have a nose at your other stories now.
Swatts xxx Report Review
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