Please keep writing for the rest of us to read! i loved the plot!Author's Response: Thanks for a lovely review! Please continue reading, the next chapter will be up in about a week and a half
~ Macy x Report Review
Hey *waves* just a little aside - since you asked me to beta I left you a message over on the forums, so I don't know if you've seen that yet.
Onto the chapter...
One thing that I noticed here was that even though there were still some mistakes, your grammar and spelling seems to have improved since the last chapter, so well done there.
I'm glad that Lucy has made up with her family and I quite liked Dom's character in this chapter...definitely quite embarrassing. My favourite line was probably "Everyone is scared of a Weasley howler." I also think that using more variation in the length of your paragraphs does improve this chapter.
I think you need to develop your characters a bit more to improve the story, especially Oli, as he doesn't seem to have a real personality here. Lucy's voice comes through really well, but I do think her reactions are quite extreme sometimes - does she really need to knee Al just for that comment? I think it would be more normal for her to elbow him or something similar.
Finally, this chapter left me feeling quite confused...is Lucy actually adopted or is she a Weasley. I'm not sure if you wanted this to be clear or not though.
nott theodore :)Author's Response: all is to be revealed over Christmas and I haven't seen your message :/ Report Review
I like the longer scenes in this chapter as I think it helps the flow of the story a lot more. Your characterisation of Lucy is good; she has a definite voice which comes through in your narrative. I like the introduction of the new characters into this chapter. It's nice to think that Lucy might have some friends outside of her family.
I'm impressed by Lucy's quidditch talents, and it's nice to think she'll have a chance to display them and get her moment to shine. The ending was effective; I'm very intrigued about what Rose will do in the future and how things will develop for Lucy and the relationships with her family.
I think sometimes you forget that your readers don't know as much as you do and it would be helpful to explain some of the events a bit more. For example, Oli hasn't been mentioned before in this story but suddenly Lucy is going out with him - it's quite confusing as there hasn't been any real introduction of his character. I noticed a few grammar/spelling errors here as well, so I would recommend editing those or getting a beta if you struggle with it.
nott theodore :)Author's Response: Thanks for another review! Yes, I'm really bad at spelling and grammar, sorry for that :(
I have been looking into having a beta, as I have written up to chapter nine. I'm going to edit over everything, and include Oli in the first two chapters, as I forgot to add him in :(
Also, if you wouldn't mind considering to be my beta? I mean, its okay if you say no.
~Macy x Report Review
Lucy's a very dramatic character, isn't she? There doesn't seem to be anything that happens in her life that isn't full of crazy emotion and wild reactions!
I have to say, I didn't expect that ending! When I read the summary I realised that there was going to be something strange about her parents, but I didn't realise that was what it would be! Since this is a novel, I didn't expect something this big to be revealed so early, but it definitely does shock the reader!
This definitely does explain why Lucy has always felt like (and been treated like, it seems) the outsider in the family - because she's not actually related to any of them. You left us with lots to be curious about in this chapter, like whether Rose really is pregnant, and what's going to happen now that Lucy has found out the truth about her parents.
I like Dom. She seems like a bit of a no-nonsense character. Definitely someone that Lucy needs on her side! I'm a bit confused where Teddy popped up from, though.
I did notice a few grammatical errors in this chapter (some are probably just typos, like a full stop in the middle of the sentence) but if you went back and edited them it would make it easier to read.
I'm looking forward to see how you develop this story and what's going to happen next!
nott theodore :)Author's Response: Thanks, I decided to add Teddy in because he is going to be in the main plot. That is not the end of the story, there is a twist in the plot. I'm going to edit over my chapters, and improve them and make them longer. Thanks for another great review
~Macy x Report Review
Gah. Please. Update. Soon.
My heart can't go on. I need the next chapter. Please hurry.Author's Response: Haha x
Expect another chapter in the next 5/6 days, its already written but I decided to add a chapter of my other story #TheWolfBehindTheFreckles.
Thanks again for reading
~Macy x Report Review
This is good!
Can't wait to see her in Gryffindor;)Author's Response: Me too! The next chapter is in the queue, however it is mainly around one day/event, but the next one is more subtly and shows Lucy making friends
Thanks for reviewing!
~Macy x Report Review
I liked this chapter. It was nice to see that Lucy gets on with Al (he's one of my favourite characters) and that they have a close relationship. I'm glad she has someone to look after her when things go wrong!
I noticed a few spelling and grammatical errors in this chapter. You say 'good riddens' when it should be 'good riddance' and a few times you slip into past tense when the majority of the story was in present tense, so you just need to check for little inconsistencies like that. It wasn't enough to affect the flow of the chapter, though.
I liked the longer scenes in this chapter because they gave us a bit more detail and insight into the characters and the plot. Also, I've never seen a story where someone has been re-sorted so I'm interested to see what Lucy makes of her new start.
Don't get discouraged by a lack of reviews, because a lot of people don't leave them when they read a story - it doesn't mean people aren't reading and enjoying what you write! But since I've left you three reviews, hopefully that's enough for you to carry on writing. I'll look forward to the next chapter!
nott theodore :)Author's Response: Thanks for another great review! True I am terrible at spelling and because I want to just pour my ideas out, I often go into different tenses, sorry!
The next chapter is 100% present tense so I hope you enjoy it! Report Review
I really like your ideas for this story but I think you could improve your writing with longer sentences and scenes. I think you overuse short sentences a bit and so they don't have their full impact when you want to be really dramatic. Longer sentences and scenes would also help us to learn more about the characters and the plot.
Having said that (and I hope you don't think I'm being mean) I did enjoy this chapter. You portray Lucy's character well and really convey how much she feels like an outsider from her family - Scorpius was the only one who made her feel like she belonged and it turns out he's been cheating on her with Rose!
nott theodore :)Author's Response: Thank you! I am puttin in a chapter now and I'm dedicating it to you because you are an awesome reviewer xx Report Review
The title and summary of this story really interested me so I thought I would give it a read!
I thought your opening was really good. It was short but there is enough information to make me more interested about Lucy and the other characters. I've always thought that in a family as big as the Weasleys, someone will end up feeling left out.
This was a good first chapter and I'm going to carry on reading!
nott theodore :) Report Review
Really like it but I think there could be more detail and longer bits but still greatAuthor's Response: Thanks will do! :) x Report Review
Keep going! But please try to extend the sentences and make it longer. It would be helpful if you set a scene. :)Author's Response: Thanks! I'm posting a chapter as I write and I hope it fits the bill ;) x Report Review
I love love love this. It's so different to what I'm used to! Lucy is usually a Gryffie or a Puff, not in Slytherin. Rose/Scorpius is my OTP, but for once I kinda hate them. wow. You accomplished something I never thought possible. Congrats! :D
Keep on writing, and don't be disheartened by the lack of reviews, I'm sure more will come your way when you write more! Update sooon!! :)) xxAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing, will add chapter soon but currently are waiting for chapter images
RavenClawGirl11 ;P Report Review
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