Reading Reviews for The Truth Behind The Freckles
  
21 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AlexFan At The Burrow

6th August 2013:
I'm starting to like Rose less and less. This is definitely a different side of her that's for sure. I'm so used to her being smart that this version of Rose is a little bit like a slap in the face.

I hope Rose figures out her life soon, the way things are going with her it doesn't seem like she'll be going anywhere. Lucy's life seems to be slowly picking up while Rose's just seems to be going down the pooper.

Anyway, I enjoyed this chapter as well and I liked it. Good job on it!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, I wanted to paint Rose in a different light.

~ Macy ;P


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Review #2, by AlexFan  Hogsmeade, Butterbeer and Avoiding Howlers

6th August 2013:
Dom is my favourite person ever, seriously, she is. Out of this entire story I love her the most. She's just so blunt and especially that last line about why Lucy's mom is angry was really funny.

This was your best chapter so far. There was more description before and you took more time going through the chapter. I actually really enjoyed this, I think you did a great job on it and I'm glad that everyone is getting along so well.

Well done on this!

Author's Response: Thanks, this made my day!
~ Macy ;P


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Review #3, by AlexFan  Ignoring, Introducing and Seven Minutes In Heaven

6th August 2013:
I'm repeating myself, I know that I am and this is the last time I say this, I swear but I would really suggest slowing down this chapter, adding more descriptions, showing everyone's reactions and adding some transitions between scenes.

I'm glad that Lucy is making friends with people who aren't surrounded by drama though. At least now she can have a relatively normal life.

She also shouldn't be so quick to agree to go out with someone after what happened the last time she dated a guy. Besides, Oliver wasn't asking her to be his girlfriend, he was asking to go out on a date. There's a big difference right there.

Your story has a lot of potential and it would really benefit from a read through, proofreading and editing because you might across things that you want to fix. If you don't want to do that, you could always get a beta-reader they're very helpful.

Author's Response: Okay, thank you for the advice, I'll go over it!
~ Macy:p


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Review #4, by AlexFan Tears, Truths and Coping Quotes

6th August 2013:
What? What just happened? Everything just got shoved in my face and I don't know what to do with this. It was literally like, "here's a lot of information for you, deal with it!"

This chapter needs to slow down, a lot. It's always good to have drama in a story because it keeps it interesting but you can't just give all the drama all at once.

You switched from scene to scene so quickly I had no idea what was going on. One minute everyone was in the Great Hall, the next the Room of Requirement and then the Gryffindor common room. That's really confusing.

You need to slow down the chapter loads by adding in description and transition. You dropped some pretty big bombs there and everyone must've had a reaction but unfortunately your readers don't know what it is because you never show any of them and instead move on to the next scene.

This chapter could've spanned out over the entire story that way things get more complicated and it keeps everyone interested to see how everything is solved.

I don't think I've ever had this much drama thrown at me so fast before. I barely had time to register one incident before I was rushed off to another one.

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Review #5, by AlexFan FistFights, Dueling and A Change Of Heart

6th August 2013:
Woah, woah, what!?

This is totally out of character for Ron. He would never hit Rose or Hugo just because they're not the best. Ron would never do anything like that, he would be the one to talk to his children and make them feel better, not hit them just because they weren't better than their cousin.

I'm sorry, it's just that that really shocked me and I can't get over it. It's just that Ron would never do something like that and Hermione would never let him do it either. It's just not who he is.

And I highly doubt that Lucy would be allowed to be resorted. I know that Neville would understand Lucy's pain but I don't think even he would let a student switch houses. Plus, you can't switch houses, the Sorting Hat put you in a specific house and it isn't going to change it's mind about where you belong just because you ask it to.

This chapter caused a lot of feels to happen.

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Review #6, by AlexFan HeartBreakers, BackStabbers and Start Of Term Feasts

6th August 2013:
At least Lucy finally realises that Scorpius is just being abusive. The sad part is that he's cheating on her and she never got to tell him to shove off.

How on earth did Lucy manage to do the legilimins spell though? That's a powerful that very few people can do so I hardly think that a student would be able to accomplish it.

Scorpius really is a jerk though. Usually he's just arrogant and picks on a person just for the heck of it but you've really made him out to be a jerk. I want to hit him so bad!

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Review #7, by AlexFan Boyfriends, Girlfriends and Stupid Perfect Cousins

6th August 2013:
I'm really not a fan of Lucy, she's mean to her family and her cousins, she spends all of her time with Scorpius and by the sounds of it, she does whatever he tells her to. Obviously everyone else knows that there's a problem here because even they can see that it's wrong how Lucy does everything that Scorpius does without even thinking about it.

How could she possibly stop hanging out with Al just because Scorpius said so? Doesn't she realise that she picked a boy that she's probably not going to marry over her family?

Her relationship with Scorpius is also a little bit sudden and out of the nowhere. I know that you gave the flashback of how they got together but even then it seemed a bit sudden. It was like "Hey, your cousin Rose dumped me two weeks so I'm going to ask you out because you're fit, are you game?"

Percy and Audrey are very mean for parents. I know that Percy is pompous and anything but after apologising to his family for ditching them for the Ministry in Deathly Hallows I would think he cherished family more than he clearly does. Plus, Percy is pompous and stuck-up but he's certainly not mean to his family and he never has been.

I also can't imagine parents saying something like that to their child. I especially can't imagine a Weasley saying that to their child. I know that there are parents out there who do say these types of things to their children but I don't think that's something that two parents who went through the trouble of grounding their daughter for being out late would do.

The chapter was also very rushed. You went from one scene to the next to the next without any transition. The scenes simply cut off and started somewhere else. You could've made the chapter longer by going into detail about what Lucy did during the summer (besides ditching her family for Scorpius) and the different places that she could've gone to.

I'm very interested in the relationship between Rose and Lucy though, obviously something has happened between those two to make them dislike each other and I'm looking forward to seeing what it is.

It's not a bad start to a story but I definitely think it would benefit from another read through and some editing. I hope I wasn't too harsh!

Author's Response: Its fine, thanks for the review, will go back over it!
~ Macy ;P


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Review #8, by truehufflepuff Boyfriends, Girlfriends and Stupid Perfect Cousins

19th July 2013:
ok (cause ive left loads of review for others) one thing , ur computer is spazing out. it keeps on missing out the end of sentences. just so u know;)

Author's Response: One word poppy: lol! x

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Review #9, by maskedmuggle Boyfriends, Girlfriends and Stupid Perfect Cousins

17th July 2013:
Hey!

I really enjoyed reading this! :) I thought it was a great opening chapter that really introduced Lucy well - I got a very good sense of her character and some ideas about what might be coming next! I have to say that Lucy is usually one of the lesser written about next-gen characters so it's awesome to see her be the main character! Additionally, I love how rebellious nature/personality - you really don't see that all too often!

I thought you did a great job writing this - there's quite a bit of dialogue but I found it all flowed well, as did the different scenes! Lucy's relationship with her family was really unusual, but in a good way! I really like this Oli Wood Jr guy.. he seems like such a sweet nice guy - poor him :( Anyway, great first chapter! I hope to continue reading this when I can :)

By the way, I left you a review on your Her Emerald Eyes the other day and I thought I'd tell you that the House Cup is like an annual competition with lots of fun activities that we do on the forums! I think it's too late to participate this year but you should definitely join + check out the forums because it's such a wonderful community with lots of resources and fun stuff! :)

- Charlotte

Author's Response: Thanks for another great review!I hope you likethe other chapters as well - theres only 7 in total because I have another NextGen story which you might like #TheWolfWithTheYellowEyes - maybe you could check it out?

~ Macy x


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Review #10, by HP<3 At The Burrow

13th May 2013:
Please keep writing for the rest of us to read! i loved the plot!

Author's Response: Thanks for a lovely review! Please continue reading, the next chapter will be up in about a week and a half

~ Macy x


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Review #11, by nott theodore  Hogsmeade, Butterbeer and Avoiding Howlers

24th April 2013:
Hey *waves* just a little aside - since you asked me to beta I left you a message over on the forums, so I don't know if you've seen that yet.

Onto the chapter...

One thing that I noticed here was that even though there were still some mistakes, your grammar and spelling seems to have improved since the last chapter, so well done there.

I'm glad that Lucy has made up with her family and I quite liked Dom's character in this chapter...definitely quite embarrassing. My favourite line was probably "Everyone is scared of a Weasley howler." I also think that using more variation in the length of your paragraphs does improve this chapter.

I think you need to develop your characters a bit more to improve the story, especially Oli, as he doesn't seem to have a real personality here. Lucy's voice comes through really well, but I do think her reactions are quite extreme sometimes - does she really need to knee Al just for that comment? I think it would be more normal for her to elbow him or something similar.

Finally, this chapter left me feeling quite confused...is Lucy actually adopted or is she a Weasley. I'm not sure if you wanted this to be clear or not though.

Keep writing!

nott theodore :)

Author's Response: all is to be revealed over Christmas and I haven't seen your message :/

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Review #12, by nott theodore  Ignoring, Introducing and Seven Minutes In Heaven

15th April 2013:
Hi!

I like the longer scenes in this chapter as I think it helps the flow of the story a lot more. Your characterisation of Lucy is good; she has a definite voice which comes through in your narrative. I like the introduction of the new characters into this chapter. It's nice to think that Lucy might have some friends outside of her family.

I'm impressed by Lucy's quidditch talents, and it's nice to think she'll have a chance to display them and get her moment to shine. The ending was effective; I'm very intrigued about what Rose will do in the future and how things will develop for Lucy and the relationships with her family.

I think sometimes you forget that your readers don't know as much as you do and it would be helpful to explain some of the events a bit more. For example, Oli hasn't been mentioned before in this story but suddenly Lucy is going out with him - it's quite confusing as there hasn't been any real introduction of his character. I noticed a few grammar/spelling errors here as well, so I would recommend editing those or getting a beta if you struggle with it.

Keep writing!

nott theodore :)

Author's Response: Thanks for another review! Yes, I'm really bad at spelling and grammar, sorry for that :(
I have been looking into having a beta, as I have written up to chapter nine. I'm going to edit over everything, and include Oli in the first two chapters, as I forgot to add him in :(
Also, if you wouldn't mind considering to be my beta? I mean, its okay if you say no.

~Macy x


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Review #13, by nott theodore Tears, Truths and Coping Quotes

3rd April 2013:
Hello!

Lucy's a very dramatic character, isn't she? There doesn't seem to be anything that happens in her life that isn't full of crazy emotion and wild reactions!

I have to say, I didn't expect that ending! When I read the summary I realised that there was going to be something strange about her parents, but I didn't realise that was what it would be! Since this is a novel, I didn't expect something this big to be revealed so early, but it definitely does shock the reader!

This definitely does explain why Lucy has always felt like (and been treated like, it seems) the outsider in the family - because she's not actually related to any of them. You left us with lots to be curious about in this chapter, like whether Rose really is pregnant, and what's going to happen now that Lucy has found out the truth about her parents.

I like Dom. She seems like a bit of a no-nonsense character. Definitely someone that Lucy needs on her side! I'm a bit confused where Teddy popped up from, though.

I did notice a few grammatical errors in this chapter (some are probably just typos, like a full stop in the middle of the sentence) but if you went back and edited them it would make it easier to read.

I'm looking forward to see how you develop this story and what's going to happen next!

nott theodore :)

Author's Response: Thanks, I decided to add Teddy in because he is going to be in the main plot. That is not the end of the story, there is a twist in the plot. I'm going to edit over my chapters, and improve them and make them longer. Thanks for another great review
~Macy x


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Review #14, by UniQuorn Tears, Truths and Coping Quotes

3rd April 2013:
Gah. Please. Update. Soon.
My heart can't go on. I need the next chapter. Please hurry.

Author's Response: Haha x
Expect another chapter in the next 5/6 days, its already written but I decided to add a chapter of my other story #TheWolfBehindTheFreckles.
Thanks again for reading
~Macy x


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Review #15, by UniQuorn FistFights, Dueling and A Change Of Heart

20th March 2013:
This is good!
Can't wait to see her in Gryffindor;)

Author's Response: Me too! The next chapter is in the queue, however it is mainly around one day/event, but the next one is more subtly and shows Lucy making friends
Thanks for reviewing!
~Macy x


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Review #16, by nott theodore FistFights, Dueling and A Change Of Heart

19th March 2013:
Hello!

I liked this chapter. It was nice to see that Lucy gets on with Al (he's one of my favourite characters) and that they have a close relationship. I'm glad she has someone to look after her when things go wrong!

I noticed a few spelling and grammatical errors in this chapter. You say 'good riddens' when it should be 'good riddance' and a few times you slip into past tense when the majority of the story was in present tense, so you just need to check for little inconsistencies like that. It wasn't enough to affect the flow of the chapter, though.

I liked the longer scenes in this chapter because they gave us a bit more detail and insight into the characters and the plot. Also, I've never seen a story where someone has been re-sorted so I'm interested to see what Lucy makes of her new start.

Don't get discouraged by a lack of reviews, because a lot of people don't leave them when they read a story - it doesn't mean people aren't reading and enjoying what you write! But since I've left you three reviews, hopefully that's enough for you to carry on writing. I'll look forward to the next chapter!

nott theodore :)

Author's Response: Thanks for another great review! True I am terrible at spelling and because I want to just pour my ideas out, I often go into different tenses, sorry!

The next chapter is 100% present tense so I hope you enjoy it!


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Review #17, by nott theodore HeartBreakers, BackStabbers and Start Of Term Feasts

19th March 2013:
Hello!

I really like your ideas for this story but I think you could improve your writing with longer sentences and scenes. I think you overuse short sentences a bit and so they don't have their full impact when you want to be really dramatic. Longer sentences and scenes would also help us to learn more about the characters and the plot.

Having said that (and I hope you don't think I'm being mean) I did enjoy this chapter. You portray Lucy's character well and really convey how much she feels like an outsider from her family - Scorpius was the only one who made her feel like she belonged and it turns out he's been cheating on her with Rose!

nott theodore :)

Author's Response: Thank you! I am puttin in a chapter now and I'm dedicating it to you because you are an awesome reviewer xx

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Review #18, by nott theodore Boyfriends, Girlfriends and Stupid Perfect Cousins

19th March 2013:
Hello!

The title and summary of this story really interested me so I thought I would give it a read!

I thought your opening was really good. It was short but there is enough information to make me more interested about Lucy and the other characters. I've always thought that in a family as big as the Weasleys, someone will end up feeling left out.

This was a good first chapter and I'm going to carry on reading!

nott theodore :)

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Review #19, by GinnyGryffindor FistFights, Dueling and A Change Of Heart

19th March 2013:
Really like it but I think there could be more detail and longer bits but still great

Author's Response: Thanks will do! :) x

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Review #20, by UniQuorn HeartBreakers, BackStabbers and Start Of Term Feasts

8th March 2013:
Keep going! But please try to extend the sentences and make it longer. It would be helpful if you set a scene. :)

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm posting a chapter as I write and I hope it fits the bill ;) x

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Review #21, by BBWotter HeartBreakers, BackStabbers and Start Of Term Feasts

19th February 2013:
I love love love this. It's so different to what I'm used to! Lucy is usually a Gryffie or a Puff, not in Slytherin. Rose/Scorpius is my OTP, but for once I kinda hate them. wow. You accomplished something I never thought possible. Congrats! :D
Keep on writing, and don't be disheartened by the lack of reviews, I'm sure more will come your way when you write more! Update sooon!! :)) xx

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing, will add chapter soon but currently are waiting for chapter images
RavenClawGirl11 ;P


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