Reading Reviews for TV Darlings
  
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Review #1, by 800 words of heaven [The E=mc2 Factor]

22nd August 2013:
Hello! Here with your requested review!

First off - that's a really pretty banner! The summary is also super intriguing and has me excited to read! And can I just say that the title of chapter one? I think my inner nerd is in love already.

The first four paragraphs have me interested already. This person is on television? Exciting! She's done something naughty? Exciting! She's got a family worth mentioning? Exciting! All the exciting!

I can't imagine the Rosiers being so diplomatic and Ancient Greek in the way they handle family conflicts, but I love that they're a bit kooky, but not in the stereotypical pureblood way that we're used to seeing. They're still ruthless and have ulterior motives and are very driven people, but they're interesting in the way that they undertake the whole enterprise. It kind of reminds of a mafia-style family, actually, although I don't think mafia families usually hold academic-style debates to settle matters!

I got a little confused when you were explaining the debate concerning Teddy and Scorpius. I did understand what was going on eventually, but I had to read over it a couple of times to get what was happening. If you're considering picking this story up again, I'd suggest having a look at this section again, because whilst it's not central to your plot, it is central to your backstory.

Why does Cara have a Blackberry? I understand that she's a modern woman running a modern business, but she's from a pureblood family in the Wizarding world. It just felt really odd to me that she whipped it out. Perhaps they have magical Blackberrys now?

Oh, we have a media war on our hands! What fun! I love a good ol' scuffle where one hypocrite bags another hypocrite for being hypocritical. I look forward to the ensuing drama!

Never mind about the Blackberry thing - I guess that's what you get for writing running reviews!

I like your main character, Cara, so far. She has the voice of a young person in the modern world. Her family is important to her, but in a way that's a bit different to what you'd typically expect in familial loyalty, and she seems quite spunky.

May I offer another CC? I'm finding the transitions a little abrupt. It's great that you're using the page dividers, but it feels as if one section hasn't quite ended before the next one begins. Maybe that's just me, though.

Overall, I think this is a great story so far, and it has a lot of potential. Obviously, you enjoy writing it, and that completely shows, so I hope to see you requesting for chapter two soon!

Author's Response: Hi there! Thank you so much for this :)

Ooh yay! Ahha I do want to draw people in, and pretty banners are so much fun, so Im glad that all the story wrapper is suitable. I totally couldnt resist an Einstein chapter title!

YAY EXCITING ♥ I wanted to kind of kerplunk the reader down in there, feeling like a Rosier taking sides already, so the excitingness is exciting for me XD

That debate was a lot of fun to write. I wanted to show how theyre kinda corrupt but dont care, and theyre not evil with it; a democratic style of decision settling, but coupled with the traditional pureblood values, theyve just moved forwards a few centuries and have modernised a little too much to keep the peace. So the ruthless, ulterior motives style of the mafia, like you say, but without the violence!

Hmm I have been wondering about that passage, so thank you for picking it out! Overlong sentences are something I do tend to indulge in if Im not careful *hides* and I did wonder if I was only making sense of it because Id written it :P Thank you for picking that up! I will have an edit, try to make it make more sense.

MEDIA WARS! Oh yes, when the wizarding world modernised, so did the media offices. There will be very much ensuing drama. Mwahaha, politics win XD

Ooh Im glad you like Cara. I wasnt sure if she was too much of a mean girl for the reader to empathise with, so thank you! Plus Im glad that her attitude to family, modernisation etc is all obvious. I dont want people to be having to question why shes doing stuff, if they dont understand that at the end of the day, she is loyal to family.

Thank you for pointing out about the transitions! I wasnt sure what to do about them, because I originally started writing in the hopes of keeping it choppy and fast-switching. But because I take a while over descriptions, backstory, etc its slowed down quite a bit. I might see how the other chapter transitions come along then return here, because I dont want it to feel weird, but I do want consistency!

I am so glad you liked TVD, thank you so much for your lovely review! Ooh I am VERY glad that it shows how I much I enjoy this story, because its been difficult to even get the first chapter to the archives, and you have been so lovely and encouraging that I feel a lot more eager to work on editing/writing the second chapter to be archives-ready! Thank you so much! :)


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