Reading Reviews for The Detention Club
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing You are not permitted to use magic, move, talk, speak, sleep OR turn your fellow detention mates into ferrets

5th January 2013:
Hello :)

Just posting the review I promised :)

I thought this was a really interesting start to your story! I haven't seen the Breakfast Club so can't really comment on anything to do with that - sorry!

Your OC Johanna was interesting. I felt really sorry for her that she felt the way she did about herself. It would seem we have a lot more to learn about her which is really intriguing!

I liked your characterisation of the canon characters. McGonagall was particularly stern! The one bit of CC I would suggest (although if you don't agree that's fair enough!) is that I thought it was a tad unrealistic that these characters wouldn't know each others names at least. Even people who seem to despise each other in the HP series know most people in their year at least by sight as they tend to have classes together. Just something to think about :)

This was a good start to your story though and I will look out for updates :)

Lauren

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Review #2, by patronus_charm You are not permitted to use magic, move, talk, speak, sleep OR turn your fellow detention mates into ferrets

5th January 2013:
Hey it's patronus_charm from the review tag!First review on your first story what an honour! ;D

I really liked how you used loads of describtion as it enabled me to really imagine Johanna perfectly which is a really important thing to do! The name Johanna is also a great one for the Potter universe I have to say is she by any chance related to Ernie Macmillan due to the same surname? I thought you gave a great introduction to the character as you made her intriguing, someone you want to learn more about her and her family situation.

I also felt you introduced James, Sirius and Lily really well and caught their key characteristics, Lily's kindness and James and Sirius's cheekiness and pranksterness (if that's a word!).

A couple of pointers for future chapters. I would suggest breaking up your paragraphs as they are rather long and some readers may lose concentration. I saw in your author note you weren't too great grammar and neither am I. I got a beta which really helps so you may want to think about that :)

Besides that it was a great start well done :D

patronus_charm

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