Reading Reviews for Pregnancy Jitters
  
24 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AlexFan Soothing Lily

27th March 2013:
Oh, well that's kind of sad, what happened to Ginny? How does she die? I love how Lysander just walks in decides he's gonna be a stay at home person and then won't let anyone argue with him.

You go Lysander!

The only CC that I have is to watch out for verb tenses because you switched between past and present in the chapter.

Author's Response: hey! thank you for mentioning that! i'll go bk and fix it :P

im glad you liked him !!

im thinking of maybe writing like a novella as a prequel to this story so we could clear up the little details like Ginny dying and everything else mentioned in passing in the story!

what do you think?


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Review #2, by AlexFan The Morning After

27th March 2013:
Oh my goodness, Al and Ruby have such a dysfunctional relationship. One second they're angry at each other and the next they're not.

Something that I would've personally done but you can just ignore me is used compound words. I know I mentioned this before but I'm mentioning it again because I can. It'll definitely make your writing a lot smoother.

Author's Response: They are not usually this bad :P It's more Ruby being a little off you know.. since well I'll just let you guess why :P

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Review #3, by patronus_charm Soothing Lily

24th March 2013:
Hey Mya!

I liked Albus’ and Lily’s friendship. I usually only see when they’re teenagers, so it was nice to see that they were still close as adults. I found it funny that he was going to his younger sister for advice, because usually it’s the other way around!

I felt kind of sorry for Albus, him being so dense and all. Honestly, she’s a pregnant woman their hormones are just running all over the place, what do you expect her to be like? I like how you’ve focused on the less glamorous aspects of pregnancy, because in the usual pregnancy stories I’ve read everything’s hunky dory, and there are no issues with it at all.

What Ginny’s dead? I did not expect that! It was a really cool twist though, and it explains Albus’ rather irrational behaviour. I liked Lily’s thoughts to her mum they were really sweet. I hope you explore how she died, and it would be cool to have a flashback of the funeral or whatever and see how Albus acts then. And Harry we have to see him, he must be so lost without her!

So Lily’s married to Lysander then, that’s cool. You mentioned this Ryan person, and it seemed as if we were meant to know him by the way you talking about him, but I don’t think you mentioned him before, so perhaps if you include a side note when talking about her in the previous chapter, and it would make more sense here. Haha Lysander does seem to be quite a character though.

There were a few grammar issues in this chapter. It was mostly in past tense though there were a few occasions where you slipped into present such as here – ‘She decides to not say’, it should be ‘She decided to not say’. And here – ‘Ruby really changed you didn’t she?," Lils teased her brother.’, there should be a comma after you, and you just needed a question mark not a comma as well after she :) Then with this sentence ‘she started to cry and then smile in less than a 2 minute interval!’, I would say ‘she just started crying for two minutes, then suddenly changed to smiling’. I don’t think you need the ‘you’ in here – ‘Look, you Albie loves again,’. You seem to love using exclamation marks, though the effect is good, if you overuse them they begin to lose their effect.

Overall I thought it was a really good chapter, and I liked getting to know Lily and Lysander. You just need to clean up some grammar errors really :)

-Kiana :D

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Review #4, by patronus_charm The Morning After

23rd March 2013:
Hey Mya!

It was a sweet beginning with Ruby snuggling up to Albus. I liked that brief bit about how Al had to convince her to get married, I wonder why she wouldn’t have wanted to marry him? I liked how you made them have a happy marriage, because it’s a nice contrast to what we usually see in fan fiction and I rather enjoy the change.

I found at some points like this one – ‘How will I go on like this?!!?’, that there was too much punctuation used. I can see that it has a good effect, it just lowers the standard writing, so perhaps if you calmed it down and kept it to just a question or exclamation mark it would look better :)

I saw the brief hints about how they ended up together appearing again when Albus was calling her his princess. I really want to know why she saw past his ‘beast’, because I never imagined that Albus was an evil one, so I want to see what you’ve done with him!

I liked the internal thoughts both of them had but the punctuation which showed that they were internal thoughts was a little odd. Here for example – ‘since he was such a mischievous child! Just like I was!,’ There wasn’t much need to be a comma at the end because it was italicised. Perhaps if you wanted to differentiate even more you could put it in speech marks, and then you would have to end it with some form of punctuation such as a comma.

I liked how you made them have muggles things. I liked the whole wiz brand because it would make sense for them to have it, and I can’t wait to see what other products appear in that line of things.

Wow that was dramatic! There I was worrying that Ruby and the baby may die, and Al catches her likely, and starts shouting all of a sudden. I guess the beast is his anger issues. Even though I love those two being all lovely dovey it made it more realistic with the argument, even if it made me a little sad reading it.

I liked seeing all of the family at the end. However I was a little confused as to who’s child is who’s so perhaps if you included a little more explanation, or it made be said in the next chapter ;D

It was a great chapter though, and I really liked reading more about the family!

-Kiana :D

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Review #5, by AlexFan Ray of Emotions

19th March 2013:
That quote still applies to this chapter! You've got a few grammatical errors in this chapter that could be easily fixed but nothing major. I would suggest using compound words to make the writing flow a lot smoother. Like writing "I'm" instead of "I am."

I don't know why but the writing always sounds robotic to me whenever I see stuff like that.

I'm guessing that Ruby's pregnant and she's having one of those mood swings that I hear pregnant women have. Anyway, I really enjoyed this chapter!

Author's Response: thanks for reviewing! Im glad you liked the chapter =)

ohh! i try to change tht but sometimes im just like eh whatever haha

well we will see :P

thanks for the swap!


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Review #6, by AlexFan Caught?

19th March 2013:
I'm sorry but that was the most adorable thing ever. I just sat and smiled like a complete idiot throughout this entire thing. I thought it was really sweet though.

Anyway, the only CC that I have is that you switched POVs in the chapter which I'm assuming was on purpose but if it wasn't then you might want to watch out for that.

I love how Albus just assumes that something's wrong with Ruby just because she's asleep when she usually isn't.

There is one quote from Harry Potter that just about sums this chapter up:

"Oh to be young and in love."

Author's Response: awww haha im really glad you liked it!

i think the POV change was on purpose but I might be wrong so let me go recheck tht haha.

thanks for the swap!


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Review #7, by potterfan310 The Morning After

4th March 2013:
Where can I find a guy like Al, one that calls you a princess even though your hormonal, stressed and angry??

Al is such a sweetie!!!

Sorry to be picky but I spotted these errors -
"She had waked him up as Aurora had been waked up by her prince" - Perhaps change 'waked' to 'woken' so it reads better.

"Blake, out she" - Need to change O to B

"Arnav asked" - Is that supposed to be Albus??

"since the morning" - Add an 's' to morning so it becomes mornings

Al is such a grouch in the mornings, then again I'm not much fun in the morning either :D

His niece and nephew are so adorable!

9/10
-Potterfan310
Soph xx

Author's Response: Oh my god. Im so sorry!! yeah its supposed to Al!! ugh god. Sorry!! I was talking to someone and I just wrote down their name! God thts so sad haha. SORRYY!!

Thank you for leaving a review! I fixed all of the places you mentioned (thank you once again for tht) =)

aww im glad you like it!! yay haha :P

Thanks so much for the review =)


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Review #8, by HarryandGinnyForEver The Morning After

3rd March 2013:
I loved it, can't wait for the next one!

Author's Response: thank you! glad you liked it =)

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Review #9, by soapman333 The Morning After

3rd March 2013:
There's a third chapter to this story, so I'm reviewing it! BAM!

Albus wakes up and compares his wife to different princesses. What. A. Boss!!! All I can think about when waking up is whether or not to add sugar to my coffee.

A tangent comment: James' wife is named Ellie?! YES!!! I'm writing a novella where James falls in love with a girl named Ellie! I'm geeking out right now.

Okay, I'm really liking this short story. Little workaholic Allie-bear and his wife. It's fun to read what arguments they have for some reason. Maybe it's because I know she's pregnant and will probably start an argument over something silly, but it seems that Allie-bear is the one to do that. Silly Albus!

Awesome, I'm excited for the next chapter! Send me a link :D
Jack

Author's Response: ahah. yes yes it is! :P

hahaha yeah he is a little whipped :P YES thts her name!! I do love hoe those names go together!!

WHOAAA. COOL MAN. What a pro.

Will do!!


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Review #10, by soapman333 Ray of Emotions

25th February 2013:
Because of the story summary, I'm assuming that Ruby is pregnant. If so, bravo! This is a very accurate portrayal of how bipolar pregnant women get :P.

Poor Allie, he doesn't know what's going on and it's freaking him out a little. Although, I'm jealous. I run around like a chicken with its head cut off whenever I see a girl crying. Oh and I like how he assumed that she wanted pickles. I would do that too, although, I'd probably get her chocolate instead. Girls really like chocolate.

Anyways, I think this story is really sweet and if you ever update it, send me a link :)

Jack

Author's Response: She is :P I might as well just say tht haha since its quite obvious lol.

Hes pretty panicked he just knows she likes Pickles haha :P

sure will! thanks for the review!


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Review #11, by soapman333 Caught?

25th February 2013:
I'm reading the next chapter :) Mostly because you left it at a cliff hanger and it's killing me.

I already like your two main characters. They have a sweet kind of love for each other that only comes with long relationships. You really showed that through your writing.

Albus is, obviously, hardworking, but he's picked up on how his wife needs him to be there at night. So, being the awesome character that he is, he tries to be there for her.

Ruby seems to get very lonely. I like how she doesn't like to sleep under the covers and how she's a light sleeper. It gives her a nice quirk that I relate to.

I want to find out why she's upset at Allie, so I'm going to review the next one too :D

soapman333 (Jack)
Oh and sorry for this obnoxious review, I tried to say something interesting, but I failed.

Author's Response: Hey Jack!

Im glad you liked the story =) Its a little short w updates sorry bout that haha

This one was one of my first stories :P

Im glad you enjoyed it though! Thank you so much for the review swap!


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Review #12, by Courtney Dark Ray of Emotions

18th February 2013:
Tag!
I love the chemistry between Ruby and Albus and the tension in this chapter was absolutely perfect and reflected that chemistry really well.

I also love the way you are developing their characters. Albus seems like a very loving, thoughtful husband, though i'm a little unsure about what to make of Ruby yet.

Hehe, I loved the fact that Ruby wanted pickles mainly because PICKLES ARE AMAZING! I have them on absolutely everything-pizza, wedges, burgers...NOM NOM NOM!

Sorry. Weird moment over.

Anyway, I thought this chapter was great, and you should definitely continue.

Author's Response: hey! thanks for the review!

im glad you liked the story =)

we will see more of Ruby soon so u can get a feel for her :P

lol glad you like pickles though they are not actually my fav :P

thanks! will do


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Review #13, by Courtney Dark Caught?

16th February 2013:
Tag!

I really liked the very sweet relationship you have already started developing between Albus and Ruby in such a short amount of time. That definitely shows true talent for writing! I admit, when I saw the title 'Pregancy Jitters' I was a little worried, as you see a lot of cliche pregancy stories about kids at Hogwarts...but this is clearly completely different from that, and I am glad you have developed a unique and original idea.

I am looking forward to finding out more about Albus and Ruby and their relationship.

Courtney:)

Author's Response: Glad you liked it =)

I wanted it to be a tad different hence the different scene :D

Im glad you liked it!


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Review #14, by TheHeirOfSlytherin Ray of Emotions

11th February 2013:
Hey, SamMalfoy93 here and I'm back for chapter 2.

Ruby confuses me a little; one minute everything is okay, then she yelling at him and accusing him of all sorts, then she's hugging them. It's all very odd, I'm very much looking forward to the next chapter and what Lily will say. Although, as it's a pregnancy story, am I right to assume that is something to do with that? :P

I enjoyed reading this chapter!

Sam.

Author's Response: hey! Im glad you liked ths story :P haha Ruby is kinda crazy at the moment but some ppl tend to get tht way when they are hormonal :P

thanks! glad you liked it =)


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Review #15, by potterfan310 Ray of Emotions

8th February 2013:
I really like this chapter as we get to see more of Ruby and what her and Al's relationship is like.

I didn't expect her little outburst as I didn't really see a problem with Al being late and there didn't seem to be any other reason why so maybe it's just the hormones.

Al and Ruby are really cute together and you can tell their in love and I can't wait to see how they react to finding out she's pregnant.

Ruby makes a scary pregnant person and if I was Al I wouldn't want to get on her bad side. Al is such a sweetie I mean who else would think about getting their wife pickles at stupid o'clock.

I really like this so far and I really like your charcterisation of Al and Ruby although I would like to know more about Ruby and her family.

There are a few little errors and one of the sentences didn't really flow:
"he patted her long red mane down, trying to calm her down."
Maybe lose the first 'down' and change it a little, perhaps like this:
"he patted her long red mane in an attempt to calm her down."

Looking forward to the next chapter to see what happens :D

Although your chapter are short and sweet they could be made longer so that more of the story line is incorperated rather than one thing happening per chapter.

8/10
-Potterfan310
Soph xx

P.s This is going to bug me if I don't ask, but your Ruby on the banner has brown hair where as at the begining of this chapter you said "Ruby started to rant her long red hair flying around" and I'm a little confused, is she a red head or brunette?

Author's Response: Hey Soph! Thanks for the review!

I am glad you liked Ru and Al even though Al has no idea why Ru is acting like a deranged ghost haha.

Thanks for pointing out the grammar issue, I fixed it.

About Ru's family, well they aren't really mentioned in this since she doesn't really talk to them but they might be mentioned at a later time :P i was thinking of maybe writing like a prequel to this so we could actually see Ru and Al in action. She was his fan girl off course

Right sorry bout that! I couldn't actually find a red head and then somehow it just came out brown instead of red :( sorry!!


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Review #16, by adluvshp Ray of Emotions

6th February 2013:
Here for your requested review, and happy valentines review-a-thon =)

This was a very cute chapter, and I liked the way you portrayed the love and warmth between Albus and Ruby. Ruby's emotions seem to be all over the place and it was cute how Albus was confused about it and trying to handle it.

The over all narrative was nice, and I am liking your plot. Your pace of story seems to be a little slow though, so I'd suggest to make your chapters a little longer and focus on more than one event in one chapter, to not drag the story too much. Also, there were a couple of grammar/typo issues which I suggest you look at. But otherwise it was all pretty nicely written.

Good work! 8/10

Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hey AD,

glad you liked it! i will look at the typos and since its a short story its going to end really soon as well which is why it might seem really slow :P

thanks for reviewing!


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Review #17, by patronus_charm Ray of Emotions

4th February 2013:
Ooh second chapter, when you sent me the link, I didn't realise it was to this!

I did find Ruby's rant at Al a little unexpected, as in the previous chapter there hadn't really been any underlying issues, so this came as a bit of a surprise! I guess my reaction seemed similar to Al's though!

I liked the Greek mythology line though, and it seemed very fitting ;D

You captured a scary pregnant exactly how I imagined her to be though, as her emotions changed so dramatically you couldn't help but feel sorry for poor old Al, who's just so sweet!

The chapter lengths are quite short, which is good as it means much quicker updates, however it does mean that you don't get so involved in the story, as it ends rather quickly!

Other than that I thought it was a great chapter, and I'll be looking out for more, Kiana !

Author's Response: hey Kiana!

Im glad you liked this =)

haha yupp gotta love Greek Myth :D

oo yah the story is supposed to be short which is why the updates are kinda short too haha

thanks for reviewing!


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Review #18, by patronus_charm Caught?

1st February 2013:
Review Swap!

I thought that the characterisation of Ruby and Albus was great, and you managed to develop a really sweet relationship between the 2 despite the relatively small chapter, so that was a really good job. One thing I would like is perhaps some backstory as to where the relationship begun, as then we get a sense of them more.

I liked that you placed Al in the department of mysteries, as most people tend to make him an auror, and I always think that just because his dad was one, doesn't mean he has to be one to, so that was a good choice.

One CC I would suggest, is perhaps break up your paragraphs, as it can daunt a reader seeing such a big ones, it was ok here due to the short chapter, however if it was any longer it may have made the reader lose concentration:)

I think it was a good start though, and I'm a sucker for pregnancies stories, so I'll be keeping an eye out for updates, thanks for the great swap, Kiana :D

Author's Response: Hey Kiana! Nice to see you!! =)

Thank you! I am glad you liked it! Your review always means soo much ahha.

Ya I wanted to try something new lol but it took a while to find something good for him that wasn't an Auror.

Ohh! yah thank you! I'll keep that in mind now =) For the future!

Yay! Im glad you liked it! Thanks for commenting! I'll be getting to your story 2morrow! I'm gonna end up reviewing both stories cuz its a ScoRose story and i have been looking for one since soo long about them!

Mya=)


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Review #19, by adluvshp Caught?

28th January 2013:
Slytherin review tag!

This seems like a fun little story =) I like the way you have characterised Albus and Ruby, they seem really cute. The whole scene and all was written well. Seeing as this was your first story, its quite good! keep writing!

cheers!
AD

Author's Response: Thank you! I am glad you liked it =)

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Review #20, by Cassius Alcinder Caught?

26th January 2013:
Here from review tag!

This looks like an interesting idea for a story. Most pregnancy stories I see involve kids that are still at Hogwarts, so it's a nice change to see one where the characters are older and married.

If I may make a couple suggestions, one would be kind of minor, and that would just be paying more attention to details. There were a couple points where it mentioned "Muggle" devices like clocks, and I think that it just might help to remember that it's Harry Potter and that there is magic involved.

Also, the ending felt a little abrupt. I understand that you wanted to have a cliffhanger, but in this case, I thought it felt like the scene just stopped in the middle.

You did a good job of introducing Albus' character and his relationship with Ruby, and it will be interesting to see where things go from here.

Author's Response: Hi!

I am glad you liked the story =)

Oo right off course. though honestly I feel that Al would still have a clock and Ruby is a muggle born witch so it seems like it would be right

ahah! I must have got caught in the whole story and not realized how aburt it was.

Thank you! I am glad you liked it =)


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Review #21, by TheHeirOfSlytherin Caught?

21st January 2013:
I've never read a pregnancy story where Al, or any character is already married, they're usually teenagers, which is why I don't really read pregnancy stories. So, this is already is different for me, I love that.

Great start, I liked getting to know how Ruby usually is around Al a little. The only thing I want to say is the thoughts, because it was all... the same? Well, I was kinda confused and wasn't sure why it had suudenly gone from third to first person and back. Maybe if they were in italics or something. But it was only a small thing and I understood after a moment. :)

Enjoyed reading this.

Sam.

Author's Response: haha thank you! ya tht tends to happen so I tried to do something new ;P

im glad you liked it though =)

thank you! ur review means alot =)


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Review #22, by 800 words of heaven Caught?

20th January 2013:
REVIEW TAG!

GAH! Cliffhanger, much? You should continue just so we can find out what happens to poor Al! Does he manage to survive?

Anyways, this was a cute little start. There wasn't much by way of plot, but it was still good because it set up the relationship between Albus and Ruby, and also introduced little quirks of their personalities and tidbits about their life.

Totally excited to see what happens next!

Author's Response: haah! thank you for the review! I will continue promise =)

im glad you liked it!

thanks!


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Review #23, by ScorpiusRose17 Caught?

20th January 2013:
This is an interesting beginning. I like the description. It's not over powering and placed sporaticly throughout thst it is easier to follow especially with this being a short chapter. I would have liked more description about Ruby though. What does she look like? What color is her hair? Those little things made me really wonder about her character. It also intrigues me because now I want to know what she looks like.

I think you did a great job with Al and characterizing him. He is caring, yet has his annoyances. He doesn't understand his wife and lets face it the Potter men usually don't and don't like to question them. You played into that and that is what I saw.

I was sort of upset with Ruby in the end because she wakes Al up and she's mad. I guess it is more curiosity than anything else as to what this explosion is going to be like.

Again, I really liked this chapter and I am curious to find out more about your characters and what on earth they are going to fight about. It will definitely be dramatic.

Keep up the good writing! :)

-SR17

Author's Response: Thank you! Im glad you liked the update =)

I will be adding more about Ruby soon promise :D

aww haah well you will see why Ruby was freaking out soon :P It was for a good reason... well kinda haha

thank you!


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Review #24, by potterfan310 Caught?

16th January 2013:
Hey,

I love Albus/OC stories and I was intrigued by the title because I'm a sucka for pregnancy stories as well.

This is a really good start even though it's short and your descriptions are well done and I you've done a good job of setting the scene and your characters.

But I feel we could learn more about them/their relationship/how they met etc... Unless you're putting this information in future chapters.

This might just be me but I find it hard to read suck big chunks of writer so maybe break it up into smaller paragraphs.

Good luck and happy writing! :)

-Potterfan310
Soph xxx

Author's Response: thank you! im glad you liked my writing =)

I will try to keep what you said in mind for the next update :P


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