Hey Lia! I am SO sorry for how long it's taken me to get to this story and review! I've been so busy with everything lately that i've barely had time to sit down and leave a proper review!
I really like you description here. It's simplistic but i think you get across a lot with a few words and it paints a really vibrant picture for me. I think some of the simple but strong descriptions that i liked were the scarf the colour of her yes resting around her neck, how her fingers where running across the rough paper, and how she grabbed onto his clenched hand at the beginning. Some of these were just really telling of their situations, their feelings, and their past. Which is really cool because you didn't need to explain a lot to get across a little. We know where Snape comes from, we know where other Slytherins come from, and we get a feel of the stigma that is their friendship.
One thing i did notice about your description because although i found it very effective most times there were moments where i thought there should be more. For example, between the second last and last segment. It felt like there needed to be a bridge there to go from their kissing sort of couply moments to her indecision of where they actually stood as friends or something more. Maybe not a new segment but something that leads to this train of thought. Why did it happen? Where there signs? Maybe i just missed them though but I felt like it was a little abrupt. Was it just a misunderstanding between them and the wrong use of words from the segment before or was Lily having serious doubts of where they should go? It's not like all those questions need to be answered because i like ambiguous stories but a tad more clarity here and there may be able to make the story more emotionally impacting.
I liked the secrecy of their relationship, the way they snuck around and hid from both of their friendship groups. That isn't something you see often and it usually is shown that they show their friendship with no shame. I got the impression here that even as friends they snuck about.
It ended a little abruptly. I suppose i'd have liked a few more sentences to just end his train of thought and to give the story closure. Maybe not even his train of thought but even just an action, something that makes me feel like the story has ended. I just felt like it went rather quickly and there was this build up of emotion and uncertainty and then he just immediately accepts that it's okay at the moment to be where they are.
Past that though, i think you've done a really wonderful job with this. I like the style of your writing a lot and everything was described in a really clear way. It made seeing each scene you described really clearly and I loved the wintery feel of this whole piece. It kind of mixed well with some of the bittersweet tones that you have placed throughout the one-shot and gave a sense (for me anyway) of foreboding because i'm assuming this is their fifth year and things are about the change for them drastically. How their relationship was and soon will change forever.
This is a great story Lia! I'm glad i had the chance to read and review it!
zayne Report Review
Hi Lia! Decided to pop by tonight for our exchange :)
I really liked this! I don't often read fics where the author is bold enough to allow Lily to actually desire Severus in return. It was interesting to watch her throw herself at him in the middle section, and I liked the bit of intrigue you created with them sneaking around.
In fact, I would have loved to get more of that description in a bridge between the third section and the last one. What I'm guessing is that she misinterpreted his comment as saying he wanted to be friends, when really he wanted something more, but I'm not positive that I've read that right. I also would have liked to see a little more of his train of thought at the end--he seemed to go quickly from being heartbroken about Lily only wanting to be friends to accepting that fact and just being satisfied with having her in his life. You did such a great job with his internal dialogue throughout the rest of the piece, and I think a little more there would just make this perfect!
The only other thing that seemed a teensy bit off was the use of the word "bleated" in the first section. I could see it being a typo that was meant to be "blurted," and I could also see it being a reference to a sheepish reaction or something, but it kind of interrupted the flow for me. The image was a little humorous, and I'm guessing it wasn't meant to be. Oh, and you've got a few incorrect dialogue tags, which you could probably fix if you look over the tutorial available on the forums.
Overall, nice job! I love your take on Snape/Lily :)
-Amanda Report Review
I thought this was a really lovely and sweet one-shot of Snape and Lily together! I'm not always a fan of the two of them but you really captured Snape well here and I just felt so sorry for him. They were together though weren't they at the begining? I was just unsure with the 'just friends' at the end.
The imagery you used was really good - I particularly loved the line 'The leaves had long fallen away from the trees whose gnarled, crooked branches were reminiscent of skeletons - exposed until there was nothing left.'.
I loved this line too 'So strange was the relationship between the Gryffindor and the Slytherin. The one whose blood was not as old or as pure as the others, and the one whose was only half as satisfying.'. It just seemed so fitting for the two of them!
The present scene was so sweet too - the gifts are so thoughtful for the two of them. It contrasts really well with the harshness Snape and Lily go through at home. You got both of their home lives really well. The added detail of Petunia thinking that magic was some kind of disease was perfect.
One small typo for you:
'It didn't matater as long as they were together' I think you mean 'matter' not 'matater'.
This was a really lovely one-shot, I really loved it!
Lauren :)Author's Response: Hi Lauren! This is a lovely surprise!
This is my first Snily fic. I was never here nor there about the pairing in the first place, so I had no misgivings about writing it. It was never really established whether they were together or not. Not properly anyway. And in the end, it's up in the air. This was intentional on my part because of when this story was set - Christmas of 5th year - and we all knew what happened the following summer. While Severus and Lily's friendship was definitely solid, I wanted to delve a little into the 'what could be'. For them, it floats in the air in front of them, but it's a bit too difficult to grasp. Severus may want this badly, but Lily isn't all that sure, but she tries to see what could happen.
I liked the present scene. It was a little fluffy, but not overly so. I wanted them to get gifts they'd truly value. It came down to how much attention they really paid to each other, hence the books. I love your contrast about their home lives! I never thought about it in that way.
I'm really pleased you enjoyed this :) And thanks for the heads up about the typo, I fixed it.
Have a great week!
Lia Report Review
First, can I say how touched I am that you chose to write me a story as my secret santa gift? It wouldn't have mattered what you wrote, just the fact that you wrote something for me makes me all full of feels! Really though, thank you so much.
As for the story itself, of course it's perfect. I love Snape/Lily, especially when it's at least partially unrequited. I was just watching DH part 2 the other day and this was like watching a deleted scene from Snape's flashbacks.
The style was simple and sweet and set the mood perfectly. I loved the wintery atmosphere. It felt right with the tone of the story, and of course, it was the perfect backdrop for a Christmas story!
And the bit about the hairbrush, and Petunia acting like Lily's magical abilities were some sort of disease -- how sad, especially in light of Snape eventually calling her a mudblood. To know that her sister treated her that way, and then for her supposed friend to fling that term at her... it's just so sad.
My favorite line has to be the one about the "lovesick fantasy of a boy whose only wish was that he not end up like his mother..." Gah! The feelings again. So sad and yet probably so true.
Okay, enough fawning. Thank you so much for my lovely gift. It was the perfect holiday surprise.Author's Response: Hi Becky :)
I'm glad you think so. Writing something makes it more meaningful, I think. You can always get reviews...
I haven't written much Snape/Lily. It usually is one of those ships I prefer to read only. Theirs was a delicate relationship though, not only in the context of purely platonic, but venturing beyond that as well. Severus' thinking was similar to mine in his caution. He wasn't sure what to make of her actions even if he secretly welcomed them.
The story is set in Christmas of fifth year - before things fell apart for them both. Your mention of him ultimately initiating their falling out a few months later made me smile - you've caught on to where I was going with this. This entire conversation sort of foreshadows that moment.
I wrote this on the same vein as I did my other Severus one-shot, especially when it regarded his family life where his mother is either too afraid to leave, or seemingly still loves someone who treats her badly. If you look at their history, you can say that things ended up in a similar manner - Snape was still lovesick, to the day he died.
I'm so sorry I took so long to respond to this. Seems I had to find the right time.
I'm really glad you liked it :)
Lia Report Review
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