Reading Reviews for Stay With Me.
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Huffle Clause! Life is full of Choices

20th December 2013:
This is really just a heart-wrenching piece. It's absolutely terrible to think about what those poor students had to go through - and to imagine them in the street like this! I can imagine Justin WOULD have a hard time adjusting after the war ended.

You did an excellent job with the tone of this - you perfectly conveyed the emotions and just the overall sadness and despair. And your description was incredible - I could almost FEEL the cold they were all suffering. (Of course, that could be because it's really cold here, too...) :P

Anyway, another really well-written piece. You are very talented, my dear! Well done!

Author's Response: Ah, this would be my one of my two forays into the Horror/Dark genre. It was slightly more sick than scary though, a little creepy, and yes. I sort of took a bit of liberty with this fic and just went with them living on the street with nowhere to go, so I hope this was sort of believeable. I think it was moreso that Justin needed psychiatric help than the world still not being a good place, but yes, hard time adjusting, most definitely.

It's actually very cold where I am too, so high fiives all-round for being frozen!

Thank you, you're just about one of the nicest reviewrs I've ever had :)


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Review #2, by peanuts11 Life is full of Choices

25th January 2013:
My deepest and most sincere apologies for the late reply. Life has been non-stop, which unfortunately meant that reviews were non-existent.

I just love everything about this one-shot. As a lover of Hufflepuff's, I knew I would find this intriguing.

My favourite part was at the end, when it says, "Justin knew he had made a terrible decision that had ruined his life, but he couldnít pin-point which choice was the one that had." - Because it makes me feel like Justin's going over the events cyclically in his head, wondering when it all went wrong. And for me, that image is kind of hauntingly beautiful.

I think what I love most about this story is that it accurately depicts the reality of war. We all obviously know how hard it would have been for muggle-borns being persecuted during the war but this is one of the first stories I've read where it shows us how hard it was mentally and physically on the mind.

I also really, really love the description you use. You create vivid descriptions with colour and also use similes and it just makes for easy reading.

I also really like how the structure of the one-shot isn't told in a sequential way. I don't think I've ever read a one-shot like it.

Thanks for introducing me to such a brilliant read

peanuts11

Author's Response: This has just made my day! Just. Made. My. Day. Completely.

Thank you so much for such a nice review! I truly an speechless, and just sitting in my chair, flapping my hands in excitement! :D

And don't worry about the late reply! It was a lovely surprise :D

I'm glad you liked my descriptions, because those are usually my weak point, so its nice to know I am improving!

Really and truly, I cannot thank you enough for such a wonderful review! THANK YOU!


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Review #3, by my_voice_rising Life is full of Choices

17th January 2013:
hello hello hello!! I've been meaning to check out this story for a while, so I'm glad you reminded me xD

Your introduction is very captivating. It's really sad and a bit macabre. Even moreso that these poor people--victims, prisoners?--are being held like this in a public street. They're suffering in front of everyone but nobody is welling to help.

Ahh! Minor Hufflepuff characters! I am already in love. They are often overlooked during the "darker times" in HPFF, I think, but of course they were affected just the same as everyone else was! You give us a really nice look into their characters even within just the first scene. This is done particularly through Ernie acting in his 'usual pompous manner' with tears in his eyes. Agh! So sad.

There are quite a few run-on sentences here that could be broken up. One that I noticed was when they're leaving the Leaky Cauldron and stepping into the streets of London. It's such a well-written passage but is eclipsed by its lengthiness. :3

You really captured the Holocaust-esque feeling of the great war, I think. Particularly with the court scene. How frustrating; clearly Umbridge knew he went to Hogwarts, but she was trying to up her numbers and purge the "half-breeds."

I liked Justin's inner thoughts, about wishing he had never gone to Hogwarts. Everyone who has ever read HP has wanted to go to Hogwarts (I still do!) so it's really poignant that things for him and others have gotten so bad that they would rather be Muggles. Could this possibly be inspired by Les Mis? I've never seen it, but I get the feeling they're similar (in a very good way)!

Wow, the scene with Susan's death and Justin's massacre were really chilling. Really well-done. The only suggestions I have are breaking up some sentences and paragraphs into shorter parts, and working on spacing between already existing paragraphs. Really nice work though--I'm glad I finally got to read this!

Author's Response: Ah! Thank you for such a nice review :D

I know! Minor characters in general excite me, but when they are from my mothership *ahem* house, I just can't contain myself!

This really turned into the darkest of dark times! It has been bouncing around in my head for far too long! It first started out as the man that Ron hexed to save Hermione/Bellatrix but then I got the idea for this (mostly because I was rwading COS for the billionmth time) and tada!

I agree, the lengthliness is a problem, but I tried splitting it up, and it idn't look right! So for the moment, that remains, but I shall come back at a later date!

I really want to go to Hogwarts (hey! if I lather myself in anti-aging cream, I might just pull it off!) but when you think about it, magic is virtually impossible wiithout a wand, so Justin found himself in quite the predicament!

Thank you again for such a nice review :D


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Review #4, by ScarletEye158 Life is full of Choices

17th January 2013:
Hey there! I'm here with your requested review :)

Wow, this was such a powerful one-shot! This is already the second request where I've gotten to read a story about main characters from houses other than Gryffindor (which I don't normally do) but I'm really liking them so far!

You did a really nice job with playing off of the Hufflepuff characteristics. I could really see how Justin was trying to hold on to those for as long as possible, and Susan, even in her state was still trying as well. I can totally understand why Justin was changed by the end of the story and I thought you did an amazing job with showing that transition.

I thought the story flowed really nicely. I liked seeing it broken up into the different points instead of just one big scene and I liked how I got to see what they were going through because it wasn't talked about much in the books. Usually people focus on the Hogwarts students or the Trio during the war in fan fics, so it was cool and very different to see how the Muggle borns were being treated and what happened to them after they got their wands and identities taken away from them.

It was so heart wrenchingly sad to read what they had to go through though! D: Poor Justin, Susan, Colin and Dennis.. They probably went through more torture than Harry, Ron and Hermione did with being thrown on the streets with no one and no way to perform any magic... I could never imagine! The emotions and attitudes were definitely spot on and I really loved all of your description... little descriptive parts in stories are always some of the best parts!

The part where Justin and Astoria had the brief meet was very interesting! I could obviously tell that Astoria isn't like any of the other "Black Ones" because of the look of pity in her eyes when she looked at Justin. I'm really glad you added that part because it showed that not everyone who had family on the wrong side was evil... I just wish Justin could have seen that more down the road :/

The characterizations through the whole story were very good! Umbridge and the rest of the death eaters were very realistic and were the perfect amount of evil!

The story definitely kept my interest and made me want to keep reading, but there were a lot of grammatical errors that I know you're aware of but they did distract a bit from the reading. Make sure you always put a comma at the end of a sentence when using quotation marks! Iím also very poor at grammar, but those are the ones that stood out to me the most!

Other than those pesky commas, I thought your story was great! Your writing style is unique and I like it :) thank you for requesting!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a nice review! :)

I'm really glad you think I got the characterization right and the fact that you said my descriptions were present is wonderful, as I am very guilty of forgetting about the surroundings and just ploughing on with the story line!

My grammar is ridiculously poor, and I am most definitely getting it read by a beta! I shall go request one now :)

Thank you again for such a wonderful review :)


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Review #5, by teh tarik Life is full of Choices

6th January 2013:
Hi there :D I said I'd come by to read and review and here I am! First, I'm very glad that you like my suggestion for the story title and used it :)

And wow, this is a very intense and very dark story. Poor Justin! He's such an anguished and emotionally tortured character here. I love the implications of his relationship with Susan (I can't imagine they would've had too great a time freezing on the streets, but still it must have been one of the more consoling moments of Justin's wretched life). You've given him and the other Hufflepuffs such depth; it's quite a rare thing in fanfic to find well-rounded Hufflepuff characters!

Your Dolores Umbridge was a perfect villain. She was genuinely evil, cruel, sadistic, malevolent...aah, and all made worse by her terrible smile. I love how that smile turns so quickly into "a vicious snarl". Great work depicting such a despicable character bahaha :D

Oh, Susan's death scene was tragic. It was somewhat gruesome and pretty graphic (e.g. the whites of her eyes rolling in her head etc.) and I can't imagine how Justin must have felt dealing with the horror of it. That was the event that probably set him off, that triggered all that hatred and desire for revenge in him. It's completely understandable and yet so unjust...

And I love that fleeting glimpse of Astoria! That moment when her eyes softened on seeing Justin's plight was just lovely, and I'm going to interpret her look of disgust as one that is directed toward her father rather than toward Justin. So in the end it is Astoria's father whom Justin kills is it? Why is he under house arrest in Malfoy Manor and not in his own house? Also, if I read correctly, Justin kills all the Aurors guarding that man because they're all dressed in black robes, which reminded him of the Black Ones during his days of terror on the streets. That was a really chilling scene; it just shows how far lost Justin's mind is, that he can no longer distinguish innocent from guilty people and that his killing is prompted by emotional triggers from his past. Or something like that. Sorry it's getting way too late over here!

I do wonder about some things of the story, though e.g. this line: "Keep safe, both of you" Hannah hugged them both quickly.

"You too" I whispered into her hair.


Who on earth is the I supposed to be? Is it a mistake of some sort because it never appears again?

Also, dialogue tag errors - always have a comma before you close quote when a dialogue tag is present (e.g. he said, she whispered, he bellowed etc.).

e.g.

"Please don't go" Hannah whispered...

There should be a comma after "go" and before the close quote (")

Other than that this is a great story! A very dark exploration of Justin's mind. Your writing style is mostly smooth and vivid and very enjoyable to read. Great work!

-teh

Author's Response: Wow. . . . . . .just wow. . . . . .this review has blown me away. . . . . . speechless. . . . . . . . .

First things first: I really do apologise for my desperate grammar! It is horrendous and I will be getting the story beta'd in the very forseeable future! Like as in maybe sometime this week! :D
And the 'I' is completely accidental! I toyed around with the idea of doing this in the first person, but then decided against it, and I guess I missed that one! Sorry! It shall be fixed :P

Yep, Justin kills Astoria's father in the end! The reason he isn't under house arrest in his own house would be that I imagine instead of filling up Azkaban, they would have placed the followers who weren't up in the higher ranks and who didn't pose a massive threat under house arrest. Seeing as Voldemort was a pretty popular guy, he would have had a bunch of followers, who all had houses, meaning only one or two Aurors could be posted to each house to keep track of them. Seeing as mainly pure-bloods followed Voldemort, most would have had manor houses which have a bunch of rooms, giving prisoners a bigger chance of escaping! So my theory is that they put them all in one house (I chose Malfoy Manor, because they have a lot of making up to do to the wizarding world for all the attempted Harry-killing, Voldemort-following and what-not!) so then all the guards would be in one place, giving a smaller window for escape :) (window, geddit :P)

And yes, you read correctly! Justin does go on a killing spree, which involves the poor Aurors who were wearing their uniforms (how much would you love to be the rebel who didn't turn up in uniform on that day !)

And I think I had a biteen too much fun writing Umbridge :P She is my all time favourite villian! I think I hate her more than Voldemort and Bellatrix put together! :P

I am so glad my first attempt at horror/dark (and boy was it horror/dark!) went down well, because I usually stick to fluff!

Thank you so much for the vundervul review :D !!!


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Review #6, by MadamePuddifoot Life is full of Choices

3rd January 2013:
Wow! This is amazing, I really enjoyed it! The pacing is fine, the characterisation (particularly of Justin) is refreshingly different and you had me in tears over poor Susan :(

Author's Response: Awh! Thank you so much! :) It was a bit darker than I usually go for, but thank you so much for this review :D

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