Reading Reviews for The Quidditch Match
  
26 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Elenia The Quidditch Final

11th January 2014:
Hi there ^^ I'm here from the review thread in the CR, although I probably would've wandered back here soon on my own too. I said I would be back, didn't I (:

Okay, so going trough your Author page, this one caught my attention immediately. One, it's Jily, my OTP ♥ and two, it's Quidditch. That's such a perfect combination, I knew I would love it before I even clicked it open. And I was right ^^ This was such an adorable one-shot, leaving me all fuzzy inside!

Characterization is definitely one of your strongest points. You did such a wonderful job describing these two. I liked how James had clearly matured from his earlier years at Hogwarts. But poor boy, I can imagine how shocked he must have felt, waking up to find Lily at his bedside. Who knew throwing yourself in front of a Bludger would accomplish that? I know James didn't. If he had, he would've done it sooner (;

I have so many favourite parts. James's pep talk was great, made me feel all excited about the game. And I loved how his gaze searched for Lily even if he didn't realise it at first. That was adorable. Also the mention that it was Remus who pointed out that his tactics with Lily weren't working, that made me chuckle. Trust Remus to be the voice of reason ^^

I really liked the Quidditch part, but I think I would've wanted you to go into it a bit more. I think it was a bit more rushed than the rest of the story.

But otherwise I think it was a very strong one-shot. Showed an important moment from their life. Oh and that ending, such an hopeful ending. It's kind of bittersweet, smiling at first at his happiness at that moment and then remembering what will happen to them.

Your writing was great as always and I'm once again applauding you for such effortless dialogue. It feels very real and natural.

Great work, dear (:

~Hanna

Author's Response: Hello again :)

Honestly, you've spoilt me so much with your lovely reviews, I honestly can't thank you enough!!

Jily is my OTP too!! Gah I just love the cuteness of the two of them :) I'm glad the story didn't disappoint!!

Yes, I much prefer older James. I'm really not into the shouty hate matches that go in between the two of them. I know it happened but I just ignore it :) I'm glad you liked his mature side though

Gah, I know the quidditch part is probably a little rushed. I had this idea in my head a long long time an just couldn't get it out and so that's why I wrote it - quidditch it turns out though is really hard to write so that's why it probably felt a little rushed. I must try and lengthen it one day...

Oh I know what you mean. I like to pretend the ending as we know it won't happen and I can leave them frozen in little moments of happiness like this. Maybe if I pretend hard enough...

Anyway, thank you so so much for an amazing review. I can't tell you how much I've loved reading them and how much I appreciate your thoughts and opinions.

Lauren :)


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Review #2, by SilverRoses The Quidditch Final

13th December 2013:
Ahh! This was so cute! I loved it behind measure.

It would take something pretty dramatic to get Lily's attention, wouldn't it? Poor James.

James and Lily are my favorite Harry Potter characters, and I love your characterization of them! And your writing is just so good, I don't have good enough words for it, so it will have to suffice to say that I love it.

This was absolutely perfect, and I adored it.

My favorite line:

'Well, someone will have to tell Hannah that my heart belongs to somebody else.'

That is like a perfect quote, and ought to have won Lily over ;)

I almost cried when he thought about telling the story of that Quidditch match to his kids. I just...

Perfect portrayal of Madam Pomfrey, by the way!

Gah, this story is too good!

One thing:

It has done for a long time now.

Leaving out 'done' would make it perfect.

I probably sound like a spaz...

Anyways, loved it! Fantastic work!

-Kelsi

Author's Response: You are spoiling me so much with these reviews, I really don't know how to thank you *blushes*

Yay, I love James and Lily so much too, they're definitely my OTP!

Aww I was worried that line would come over all cheesy but I'm glad it won you over!

Eugh, it broke my heart to think about James not being able to talk about the match to his kids. Why is JK so cruel?

You don't at all! That's a really good point, thank you... I will edit that too!

I can't even tell you how much I loved all your reviews, thank you so so much. I probably sound like an idiot but all I can say is thank you, they meant the world to me!

Lauren :)


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Review #3, by randomwriter The Quidditch Final

30th September 2013:
Hi there Lauren :P Was just re-reading this (second time today!) And saw that I can leave the review now. So here goes. I'm posting it again from my proper account. Hope you like it!


Lauren! :)

I'm FINALLY here. And now I can't believe it took me so long to get here. It's ridiculous, actually because this little one-shot is wonderful. I really liked the way you've written James and Lily. It was so cute in a somewhat awkward way. The line that plays in James' mind after Lily makes a comment on him being masochistic is genius. It made me smile as did all of his other dialogues. Lily wasn't having an entirely tactful conversation with him, but it was really nice to see how he couldn't be mad at her and how his heart just kept melting. I love James, honestly.

The Quidditch match was really nice to read. I haven't read many match scenes and I know they can be hard to do, but you did really well. It wasn;t hard to follow at all! I quite enjoyed it.

When they were having their conversation, I kept willing Lily in me head, hoping that she would tell him that she has feelings for him, but then Madam Pomfrey walked in and I was like, 'Awwwh. NO. Go back. Just go back and let them finish their moment.' :P

I went back to the story page and checked its status and was really disheartened to see that it was marked 'Completed'. I REALLY want to read about the party and what happens. Do consider writing a sequel. I think it will be amazing! :)

Overall, this was really cute and it was written really well :) I look forward to reading more of your work. Keep on being awesome!

Love
Adi :)

Author's Response: Hey Adi!

Oh you lovely girl, leaving me this review and doing it twice when the archives were on the blink! Thank you! I'm so so so sorry for the appalling amount of time it has taken for me to respond to this amazing review. Please accept some cookies!

I honestly don't know how to respond. James is so much fun to write and I love that you love him! This is the James I like to read and so this is how I like to try and write him.

Gah thank you! Quidditch is really hard to write! I nearly didn't write this one-shot because of the Quidditch so to know it was enjoyable and easy to follow is relieving.

Hehe I couldn't let James and Lily have it too easy! Pesky Madam Pomfrey ruins there moment!

Um... You're not the fist to mention a sequel. I may consider it one day but at the minute I've got other things to complete. It's not off the cards though!

Thank you so much for a lovely review my dear, you're too sweet! I really appreciate it!

Lauren :)


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Review #4, by randomwriter The Quidditch Final

30th September 2013:
Lauren! :) For some reason I am not able to post a review on this while I'm signed in, so I'm just going to leave one like this.

I'm FINALLY here. And now I can't believe it took me so long to get here. It's ridiculous, actually because this little one-shot is wonderful. I really liked the way you've written James and Lily. It was so cute in a somewhat awkward way. The line that plays in James' mind after Lily makes a comment on him being masochistic is genius. It made me smile as did all of his other dialogues. Lily wasn't having an entirely tactful conversation with him, but it was really nice to see how he couldn't be mad at her and how his heart just kept melting. I love James, honestly.

The Quidditch match was really nice to read. I haven't read many match scenes and I know they can be hard to do, but you did really well. It wasn;t hard to follow at all! I quite enjoyed it.

When they were having their conversation, I kept willing Lily in me head, hoping that she would tell him that she has feelings for him, but then Madam Pomfrey walked in and I was like, 'Awwwh. NO. Go back. Just go back and let them finish their moment.' :P

I went back to the story page and checked its status and was really disheartened to see that it was marked 'Completed'. I REALLY want to read about the party and what happens. Do consider writing a sequel. I think it will be amazing! :)

Overall, this was really cute and it was written really well :) I look forward to reading more of your work. Keep on being awesome!

Love
Adi :)

Author's Response: Hi Adi,

I will reply to the other review lovely!

Lauren :)


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Review #5, by AlexFan The Quidditch Final

7th September 2013:
So to be honest, I picked this out of all of the other ones to read because it was Jily and I love me some Jily. I'm so glad that I picked this though because it was brilliant. I don't think I've ever been more excited to read a Quidditch match in my entire life of fanfiction. Usually I get through them slowly because I'm not thrilled abour reading another one but yours got me excited and kept me on my seat. I think that's mostly due to the fact that you didn't go into detail about the ENTIRE match but wrote just enough that it kept the reader interested.

My favourite line in this entire one-shot was He'd pretty much set himself up to be crushed on a near-daily basis by her for six years, and she didnít think he liked to suffer? I couldn't help but laugh at that because it was so true!

This was a lot different than most Jily stories that I've read because it doesn't have any kissing or anything like that in it, it's just a sweet Jily moment that makes me smile like an idiot and cheers me up.

I'm not really sure how to put it into words but this story just made me really happy but relaxed me at the same time. It flowed really well, I'm glad that you steered clear of the purple prose (something that I've come across while reading other works).

So basically, I thought this was brilliant and I loved it.

Author's Response: Hi there!

I love Jily too so I totally understand that!

Wow, thank you so much! It was really scary to write so the fact you enjoyed it makes me so happy!

Gah, I can't thank you enough for this wonderful review!

Lauren :)


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Review #6, by lovethepotters The Quidditch Final

6th August 2013:
Why hello there Lauren! I thought I'd come and check out some of your work, and I'm so glad I did!

This is such a cute and lovely one-shot!

I think you wrote the quidditch match really well - the action seemed effortless, so kudos to you! James lunging in front of both the bludgers seemed very in-character and believable too!

But I think what I liked the most was the Hospital Wing scene (yes, I am a sucker for JILY haha). The fact that Lily came and was chatting to an unconscious James was all very cute :) Of course James can't remain angry at Lily for too long, considering he's madly in love with her. I think you've conveyed that part really well!

I actually said "aw" when I read the following lines, they were so fluffy:

'Well, someone will have to tell Hannah that my heart belongs to somebody else. It has done for a long time now.' James looked at Lily meaningfully.

'It's okay, Lily. I'm not expecting anything. But just know I'll always be waiting for you ¨Ė you know, if you ever did change your mind.'

Cuteness overload!

The only thing I have to say is that I wanted to yell at Madam Pomfrey for shooing Lily out of the Hospital Wing!

Have you considered extending this one-shot? Because I honestly can't wait to read about the party next! :D

I couldn't pick up on any grammar mistakes so you've done well on that front as well! Thanks for the entertaining read Lauren, I thoroughly enjoyed myself!

Tara :D

Author's Response: Hi Tara!

Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving such a lovely review!

I'm so happy to hear you thought the Quidditch scene was good. I found it really hard to write so it ended up being a bit shorter than it might have otherwise been. I'm glad the action was still there though.

Haha the pair of them are just too cute. I'm a massive Jily fan myself so I throughly enjoyed writing the Hospital Wing scene!

I'm glad you liked them two lines. I was melting a little inside imagining James same them.

I have considered as you're not the first person to say that. I may do one day but I'm not sure. I'm glad you enjoyed it enough to suggest it though.

Thanks again for leaving such a lovely review! I can't tell you how much I appreciate it!

Lauren :)


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Review #7, by missclaire17 The Quidditch Final

18th July 2013:
Hello! I'm here reviewing my OTP!

Can I just say, I think it's brilliant that Lily was sitting there by James's bed in the Hospital Wing just ranting because she had been really worried about him when he threw himself in front of that bludger. Sadly, that moment also reminds me of how brave James will be when he sacrifices his life so that his wife and son can have a chance to escape from Voldemort. Foreshadowing! xD

When James said, "what's life without a little bit of danger" reminds me of that line that Sirius says in OotP. I love how Lily really couldn't understand how winning Quidditch was that important but she was out there supporting him nevertheless. It's such a sweet gesture, to be there even though she didn't get the hype of it all.

When Madam Pomfrey said that James most definitely won't be going, I just cracked up because I can SO imagine her just frowning and thinking how irresponsible and how bad it would be for James to leave the Hospital Wing at all.

Wonderful job! (:

Author's Response: Hi!

This is my OTP too so I'm happy to see a fellow Jily shipper!

Oh I always get sad and feelsy when I think of foreshadowing like that - it wasn't actually intentional here but works well.

I liked that line and can imagine both Sirius and James saying it so I'm glad you agree! I can't imagine Lily ever being up for Quidditch but she'd be there supporting regardless!

James would never stay in the hospital wing now would he? I'm glad Madam Pomfrey worked well though!

Thank so much for stopping by and leaving such a lovely review!

Lauren :)


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Review #8, by Erised The Quidditch Final

17th July 2013:
Hey Lauren!

This was such a great little one shot! I thought that you wrote James really well as the new and matured version of himself. You really captured his emotion with it being his last Quidditch match for the school and how much the team meant to him was obvious. Loved it!

The match itself was exciting and tense and I found myself wondering what was going to happen. I love that James took the bludger for Hannah, two in fact, that's what makes him a Gryffindor!

The scene with Lily and James was just perfect. I like how obstinate she was to the very end although it was clear that Lily's opinion of James was changing which you wrote really well.

Great work Lauren! :D

Author's Response: Hi Jenny :)

I like more mature James so whenever I think of him it's usually in this way. Trying to get the emotion right for the last Quidditch game though was really scary!

Writing the quidditch game was really hard - I don't know how JK managed. Hearing that you found it exciting and tense makes me so happy though!

I'm so happy you like the scene between Lily and James! It was really fun to write so I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Thanks again for leaving such a lovely review!

Lauren :)


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Review #9, by atellam The Quidditch Final

10th March 2013:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Ahh, Jily. My babies. I love them so much. They make my heart melt and I want nothing more than to find my own personal James Potter. *swoon*

This one-shot was great. Not only because Jily, but because flying in front of a bludger for someone else is such a James thing to do (in my opinion anyway) and I feel you got his characterization spot on. Lily's adorable with her blushing and lip biting and this story was totally brilliant. I wish it was longer and we found out what happens at the party (although I have an inkling :P )

Ah, I just can't get over my Jily babies.

Wonderful one-shot. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. ^_^

- Adele. ^_^

Author's Response: Hello!!

Thank you so much for leaving me a birthday review!! I appreciate it :) I'm also really sorry for how long it's taken for me to respond to this review!

I love James/Lily too!! I could just sit and read them all the time &hearts

To hear you say the characterisation was good is such a relief! I can't even tell you. It's my one greatest fear when writing characters I love this much.

Thank you so much for leaving such a lovel review for me! I appreciate it :)

Lauren :)


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Review #10, by Pixileanin The Quidditch Final

28th February 2013:
This was a lot of fun to read!

I have to commend you for capturing the sports atmosphere so well. A lot of times when I'm reading about Quidditch, it's all about the spectators, but here, I got to be a part of the team.

During James' team talk, I really felt the camaraderie that the team had and you showed us how well James knew each of his players. I could tell that they respected his leadership and that he respected them as players.

I thought it was a great choice, having this be James' last game. That way, it wasn't out of place for him to focus on all the little details as he went out on the pitch for his last time. You kept the action fast-paced and to the point, with a lot of building tension. He's so determined to win this game over Slytherin, but it's head-to-head, and then he gets hit with not one, but two bludgers! I like how his last conscious moment is filled with the roar of the crowds as Gryffindor wins. That's likely to keep his head inflated for quite a while!

Then, out of the blue, Lily is there when he wakes up in the Hospital Wing. She's such a worrier while she thinks he's not listening to her. But I like how you didn't let him just lie there and pretend to be asleep for too long. Even when faced with Lily at his bedside, he's still concerned for his team. You really brought out James' nobleness in this, which I like. It also gives him an opportunity to tease her, as well as bluntly state his intentions. I bet she wasn't expecting such sincerity out of him, which makes it a sweet scene.

The little detail about how the boys got his cloak and map for him to sneak out later was an excellent touch. And I liked how you left the ending open for us to wonder if he ever did get a chance to be friends with Lily, or if he would have to wait a little longer for the inevitable. :)

I can't think of anything constructive to add to this lovely little snapshot. I think it did what it was supposed to; it captured a very sweet moment between James and Lily before they got together. Your characterizations were great and the pace went along nicely. I didn't feel any bumps in the narrative either. Wonderfully written!

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for the review and I'm so so sorry for how long it has taken me to reply!

I'm so so happy you though I wrote the Quidditch match itself well. It was so scary to write and it only ended up getting finished because the idea just would not budge out of my head.

Haha, I like that I got the chance to write a much more mature James here, but I'm sure you're right with him getting a big head with the roar from the crowds. Good old James!

The whole point of the one-shot was to create a moment for the two of them to hopefully start their relationship so I couldn't have him pretend to be asleep for long. I'm glad you liked my decision to do this!

I really missed writing the boys in - I love them so much! That was my little nod to them so to speak seeing as I couldn't actually get them in to the story properly.

Thank you so so much for the lovely review, I really appreciate it!!

Lauren :)


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Review #11, by CambAngst The Quidditch Final

20th February 2013:
Hi, there! I so enjoy reading your reviews and I've wanted to a while to drop in and check out more of your work. This seemed like a good one to start with.

I think you did a great job of characterizing James Potter as his school days were drawing to a close. He definitely seems wiser and more reserved. He's plainly a leader -- the other Gryffindor players are willing to do anything for him. He's determined to leave his legacy on the school at any personal cost.

The Quidditch match was well written. It was easy to slip into the feeling of being there and visualize what was going on. Gryffindor-Slytherin always seems to be a nasty, physical grudge match and this was no different from expectations.

So what was Lily doing in the hospital wing? Was it because she's Head Girl and she feel duty-bound to check up on her counterpart? Would she have done the same for any fellow Gryffindor? Or is there something more to it than that? I really found myself wondering about it, but James doesn't seem all that surprised to find her there when he wakes up. I wished that you had gone a little deeper into his thoughts on her presence.

He was so coy with her! Finally, after years of failing with the blunt approach, he's learned to take a different tack. I liked the dynamic you created between the two of them. It was more than a little awkward, but full of promise. A very realistic way to imagine their relationship beginning.

I especially loved this line: He'd pretty much set himself up to be crushed on a near-daily basis by her for six years, and she didnít think he liked to suffer? That cracked me up and showed his self-deprecating sense of humor.

Let's see, constructive criticism... Well, I'm sure some people have already pointed this out, but Gryffindor-Slytherin was traditionally the first match of the season, not the last. It doesn't matter so much since it isn't really the main point of the story. I also saw what might be a small typo: James awoke, surprised to hear the voice of a girl who he would have been the last on the list to be at his bedside. - There's something not right about this sentence. Maybe, "... who would have been the last on the list that he expected to find at his bedside."

This was really well done. I hope Jami -- aka, the Queen of the James/Lily Shippers -- has seen it!

Author's Response: Hello!

Gah - sorry for how long these have taken to reply to. Thank you so much though, both these reviews put a smile on my face!

I much prefer reading stories where James is older, wiser and not so big-headed and so when I decided to write this it had to be set at this time. I'm so glad you thought I did a good job of characterising him though, I always worry about that! I always thought James would be a good captain too, earning the respect of his players so they play well as a team.

Writing the Quidditch match was both terrifying and hard! If it hadn't have been for the fact that this idea would just not budge out of my head it probably wouldn't have got written at all. I got through it though and you saying that it meets expectations just makes me so happy to read. Phew.

Haha, Lily gave a pretty lame excuse to Mary as to why she stayed in the hospital wing, which Mary saw straight through of course. Lily probably tried to convice herself it was some Head Girl duty of some kind, but lets face it: she started to see James in a completely different light by this time and she's worried about him. You make a very good point about James not being surprised - I will have a re-read and edit that!

Yeah - I figure that eventually James would realise his tactics weren't going to work. Flirty James is fun to write though! I particularly had a lot of fun writing that line so I'm glad you liked it.

Actually you are the first person to point out that the Gryffindor-Slytherin is supposed to be the first game of the season. I did know that but I felt the Slytherin game would give the game a bit more tension - and would be played a bit dirtier to allow what happened to happen if that makes sense. Thanks for pointing out the typo - I will go and re-word that as it doesn't sound good at all!

Jami had read this story! Thanks again for a wonderful review!

Lauren :)


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Review #12, by adluvshp The Quidditch Final

10th February 2013:
Here for review tag!

Ah I quite enjoyed this. I do enjoy some James/Lily banter so this was a fun read. I loved how you wrote the Quidditch match, it was quite a well-written scene since I have seen authors write Quidditch scenes awfully xP

Anyway, I enjoyed your characterisation of James and Lily, and the interaction they had. I loved how you included the little detail of the marauders sending James the map and the cloak to go to the party xD The ending was really sweet too, and it was cute how James was hopeful.

I really liked reading this a lot, so good work!

Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

P.S. I noticed that you reviewed "Come with me" for review tag. I actually requested a review for that in your review thread a while ago, so you can feel free to ignore my request now, lol xP

Author's Response: Hello! Sorry for the delay in replying.

Whoops sorry - I had just checked my review thread before going on the tag too as I didn't have anything in there - you must have posted while I was reading!

I'm glad the Quidditch was okay! It was scary to write trust me! The second scene flowed a lot easier so I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Thank you so much for the lovely review!

Lauren


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Review #13, by aquabluez17 The Quidditch Final

5th February 2013:
Hey it's Mya here from the review tag!

I really liked this. James was rele in character and so was Lily. I did feel that you could hav described their whole exchange just a bit better like why Lily was actually there. Maybe a pov from Lily could have helped.

Besides that this was awesome :) great work!

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you for the lovely review! I've had a few people mention about something in Lily's POV and I'm considering doing it so watch this space!

Thanks again!
Lauren


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Review #14, by MissMdsty The Quidditch Final

20th January 2013:
Hello!


I'm here to give your review from the thread in the CR.

First, I have to say that I love the James/Lily pairing. It's been written extensively, I know, but I never get tired of them. So, I just couldn't resist when I saw this.

I have to compliment you on the bold choice, to actually write a Qudditch game. They are so difficult to write (personally I've never attempted one and don't think I will since I'm rubbish at sports) and you've done this one justice. It was fast paced and alert and all around lovely.

I love how you portraied Lily here. She's torn between holding on to the fact that James is annoying and arrogant and accepting he's changed. Their whole exchange was so sweet it left me with a big smile. Dare I ask you turn it into a short story and write the party scene? Perhaps not, but maybe one day if you feel like it.

Good luck in the challenge and congratulations on your very sweet story!

Ral

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you for the lovely review! Haha, I agree with you on the whole Lily/James but I can't help it either! I love reading/writing them!

Oh, trust me I found writing Quidditch unbelievably hard and if it wasn't for not being able to get the whole idea out of my head I wouldn't have done it! I'm so glad you think I've done it justice though, like I said, it was really hard so that means a lot!

Your not the first one to mention writing more and I have definitely thought about it since. I think I will give it a go at some point so watch this space!

Thank you and thanks again for the review!

Lauren


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Review #15, by EstrellaBella The Quidditch Final

6th January 2013:
Hey, sorry that this is so late - I only just saw your comment on my status and was so happy to realise you'd left me a review! :D
I really enjoyed this. I'm not normally a Jily fan because it's always been so repetetive whenever I've read anything involving them but this was nice and original. I like that you haven't decided to focus on the actually getting together; it's much more fun leaving that bit for the reader to think about. I always find that the signs are a lot more entertaining than the actual declarations of love anyway. I practically melted when James told her that he'd be waiting for her...how sweet. His obviously unrequited love for Lily is the only quality I've ever really liked about James - everything else makes him seem like a total git. However I like how you've convinced me to like him with other realistic attributes that I never considered him having. Like how he flung himself in front of that bludger like a true gryffindor. Ok, he did it to win the game rather than to be chivalrous but still, it made me respect him.
Your characterisation overall was really spot on. I missed the marauders and the Sirius-James banter but that's just a reflection of my own personal taste. I still really enjoyed this and its going straight into my favourites.

EB

Author's Response: Hello :)

No problem :) Thanks for leaving me a lovely review!!

I'm glad I converted you to liking the lovely mature James I love so much :) In my head he's a huge sweetie as well as brave like the true Gryffindor and I'm glad I showed this through the story!

I must admit I did miss not having the other marauders there but I didn't want to take away what the story was ultimately about: James and Lily!

Thank you again for an amazingly lovely review and I was so happy it's one of your favourites! *blushes*

Lauren


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Review #16, by CloakAuror9 The Quidditch Final

6th January 2013:
Hello!

Uh, if you don't remember me, I'm that girl who wanted to give 100 reviews out by the end of the month. XD

Anyway, I thought this was such a lovely story! A nice way to start my morning off. ♥. I love how a lot of aspects in the story aren't as cliched. :)

James talking to the Gryffindor quiddith team and discussing their plans, certainly grabs hold of the reader's attetion instantly. And you can just feel his nervousness and worry showing through, as well.

I think you've really done a well job portraying James in a more mature light. Hannah's crush on James was a nice touch, and I'm glad James didn't try flirt with her or anything because that would just be a bit creepy and pedo-ish, to be honest. XD

And it wasn't just James that was starting to mature here, Lily was too! I was really surprised she didn't go off at James at how stupid he was for throwing himself between Hannah and the bludger.

So yeah, I really liked the whole story. It's a nice break from what the yelling-Lily and immature-jerk-James we often see. Not that those don't show their mature sides, but I just feel like your story certainly emphasises on that a bit more. :)

Oh! And this is my favourite line out of the whole thing. It totally made me squeal so much.
'Well, someone will have to tell Hannah that my heart belongs to somebody else. It has done for a long time now.' James looked at Lily meaningfully.

Great job and I'll definitely be back for more! :D

~Izzy

Review eleven out of one hundred. XD

Author's Response: Hello :)

Thank you for a lovely review!!

I'm glad you enjoyed it and thought it wasn't too cliched!

Yeah - I brought Hannah into it to show how James is mature and to show he only has eyes for Lily. Even if he was immature before though - I like to believe that the latter statement was always true :)

Haha yeah as much as yelling-Lily is good when they're younger I like focusing on the more mature side of them. Less yelling and more loveliness :)

Oh, I'm really glad you love that line. I kinda like it too :) It just fit the James I had in my head so well!

Glad I could be part of your 100 reviews :) Good luck for the rest! Thanks again!

Lauren


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Review #17, by Jchrissy The Quidditch Final

5th January 2013:
Hi darling! So I decided to start on this one because, well, obviously I love these two :P

I have to give you credit for choosing to write a Quidditch match story. Quidditch is one of my least favorite thing to write about, not because I donít love it.. but I just donít get sports enough to ever feel like Iím convincingly describing it.

I think Jamesís Ďtalkí in the start of the chapter was both convincing and accurate. I could feel his nerves through it, his desire to win along with the competing emotions of this being his final time heíd play for Gryffindor. Iím really happy you focused a bit on the teammates, their parts in it and the respect they showed James added a lot to his character.

I do think you could dwell a bit more on what he was really feeling in this. You make it clear that itís his last time, but you could beef that up during this by him just kind of taking it all in. The sound of the crowd outside.. the feeling of knowing he was walking out on the field for the final time during his school career.

I think you did a really good job showing us the details through the commentaries. It absolutely felt like I was able to understand and follow what was happening, and as I said Iím not great at Ďgettingí sports so it was awesome for me to knows what was happening! And of course my heart melted when he glanced at Lily while they walked out onto the pitch. I loved the support you showed through his friends, and the way having that support made him feel. Iím really impressed with how clear your creating his characterization through such a short story. The pride in his chest when he walks out, coupled with him throwing himself in front of the Bludger both were such excellent choices on your part. The first, a very creative way to remind us how much he does care about his friends and what they think, and then the second obviously is what advanced the story. But instead of having him doing something heroic you could have just had him get hurt, and Iím so happy you chose what you did because, again it went miles to creating a very vivid and (in my opinion) accurate character.

Your whole last section is really lovely ♥ Iím so happy you kept both of their personalities pretty even. Neither of them yelling, both a bit nervous (James being nervous is too adorable) and Lily-- although she doesnít seem completely comfortable-- she doesnít just rush off. Iím sure you can tell through Before They Fall that I donít love when Lily and James are this hate hate match. Yes, there was a part when they were younger and didnít get along. Letís not focus on it for the rest of our lives (rolls eyes). So I love that you chose to have them on a more stable ground, even if they arenít exactly friends yet.

I think that you wrote a very lovely one shot here, mídear. I still think that there are parts you could strengthen with letting the story play out more, for example:

Without thinking, James quickly tossed the Quaffle to Mary and streaked across the pitch. He pulled his broom to a halt straight into the path of the oncoming Bludger, and had only a second to think, Oh, crap, before the impact.


You could really add a bit of intensity to this, considering it is a bit of a scary part, and do something like---

Without thinking, James chucked the Quaffle to Mary and streaked across the pitch. He leaned his body forward, forcing the broom to cut through the air at a speed even he usually didnít dare. James could almost hear the crowd gasping as he pulled up on the handle of his broom and faced the oncoming Bludger with only a second to think, Oh, crap, before the impact.

Just adding a few bits and pieces to certain parts like that to get us on the edge of our seat :). But thatís something that I feel like weíre all constantly trying to work on, so you definitely arenít alone :P

Lovely one shot, mídear. Thank you for filling me with James and Lily fuzzies ♥

Author's Response: Hello :) Gosh - thank you for a great review!

Hmm - Quidditch. It was so so hard to write!! I chose to do it because I had the idea for the story in my head and it would not go away but the scene did end up being shorter than I wanted as it wasn't easy!! I did enjoy writing James's talk though, I had Oliver Wood inspiration! Creating his team mates was great to - they definitely had a lot of respect for James! It does mean a lot that you got the details through the commentary though. At least I didn't mess it up too badly :)

Thank you for the CC too. Looking at what you've suggested for both the walking out on to the pitch and the bludger incident - just them few extra bits - really does make them so much better! I will be going over the whole thing as soon as I get chance and attempting to improve it! Thanks again for the suggestions :)

It made me smile when I read your opinion on the hate match and yelling - I completely agree! As much as it is part of their history I much prefer focusing on the loveliness between the two of them :) probably why I love Before They Fall :)

Anyway - Glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for an amazing review! And I will be definitely taking your CC into consideration once I get the chance to update it!!

Lauren


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Review #18, by my_voice_rising The Quidditch Final

5th January 2013:
hello, hello, hello!

i already like your characterization of james, and how he found hannah's "habit" of having a crush on him annoying. i enjoy this characterization of him so much better than the womanizing heartthrob ;) and i really appreciate that lily didn't look away in a huff when they made eye contact from across the pitch, or that he didn't try to grin roguishly or turn her hair pink or something.

is 'mary' and 'sue' intentional? hehehe... i hope it is.

aghhh reading the quidditch commentary is so fun! especially with the obviously biased commentator ;D and poor james! he's just trying to help his friends... how heroic and sweet. i love that we can see parallels between your portrayal of him and jkr's portayal of harry!

and lily! lily, lily, lily! she is not full of bad temper and irrationality, and is being a know-it-all and lecturing him while he is unconscious! i love it. and her reaction when she sees him wake up. AND her subtly mentioning his fanclub, and hannah, and mary... she's totally jealous! really nice dynamic between the two of them here.

OH MY GOD SO CUTE. "i'll always be waiting for you." ah! please tell me this is not a one-shot. it's entirely too adorable to be over already!

Author's Response: Hello :)

Gah - thanks so much for an amazing review!!

This one-shot was trying to show the more mature side of James so I'm glad you liked his characterisation! My James only has time for Lily so even though he doesn't mind Hannah - her crush is kind of annoying! And same goes for Lily - she's starting to accept James and isn't being so huffy with him. I'm so happy you picked up on these points!!

Oh, sorry to say that 'Mary' and 'Sue' where completely accidental. it made me laugh when you pointed that out though!

I'm glad you thought the Quidditch commentary was good. It was so hard to write. It ended up being shorter than originally intended as I found it so hard!

Haha - yes Lily is jealous. As I said previously this was supposed to be her coming round to the idea of James Potter and she isn't liking the competition!

I'm really glad you enjoyed this piece! I'm sorry to say but this was orginally was supposed to be the ending to the one-shot but I've had a few people mention the possibility of more and since responding to all the lovely reviews I've had on it I must say I have been considering writing some more to it. So - watch this space :)

Thanks again for an amazingly lovely review!
Lauren


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Review #19, by Mystique The Quidditch Final

4th January 2013:
Hi, I'm here with your requested review.

This was such a sweet one-shot. I loved it and I thought you portrayed Lily and James really realistically and extremely un-cliched.

I really liked how none of the Marauders were on the Quidditch team except for James and the OC's that you invented. And even though Peter, Sirius and Remus weren't in this one-shot I still liked the little mentions of them. Especially the one about them being kicked out or that it was dinner time.

I have to confess that I had a little bit of a fangirl moment when I read about James unconsciously looking in the crowd for Lily!

I think the conversation between Lily and James was really well written. James came across as rather mature at some points, which was nice to read. And of course he was a little bit flirtatious as well.

I have to say that I'm a little bit disapointed that you didn't include the 'thing' scene where Lily was going to tell him something. My guess is that it would be that she likes him. I'm hoping you write another one-shot about that so fingers crossed.

Charlie

Author's Response: Hello :)

Thank you so much for a lovely review!

I just couldn't bring myself to put any of the other Marauders on the team. In my head that was James' thing. I haad good fun making up the OC's though!

Aw, I'm glad you liked all the Lily/James moments. They are the best to write by far!! the point of this one-shot was to try and show the mature James so I'm glad that came across as well as his flirtatious side. Some things wouldn't change!

Oh, I'm sorry to disappoint! This was supposed to be the ending to the one-shot but I've had a few people mention the possibility of more and since responding to all the lovely reviews I've had on it I must say I have been considering writing some more to it. Anyway - watch this space :)

Thanks again for a lovely review!
Lauren


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Review #20, by Trishala The Quidditch Final

4th January 2013:
I loved this!!! Great job :) xx

Author's Response: Oh thank you so much for leaving a review! I appreciate it :) Glad you enjoyed it!!

Lauren


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Review #21, by Secret Santa The Quidditch Final

3rd January 2013:
I'm not an expert on Quidditch mathematics, but if Gryffindor is already leading in points before the final, I would assume that they'd basically only need to make sure that the Gryffie Seeker catches the Snitch, since it gives 150 points on its own. Unless, of course, Slytherin Chasers are mindblowingly good that year and score constantly. Just a little glitch there, food for thought and so forth... :)

I really liked that you didn't put all the Marauders in the team, but used your imagination and OCs instead. Quidditch match itself was fun to read about. It would be very much like James to care more about the welfare of his Seeker and the result of the game than his own health.

The hospital wing scene was quite cute. Lily admonishing James about being a stupid Quidditch enthusiast, and James secretly enjoying that he finally gets her attention. I liked that you made James frank about his feelings and putting it out there, even though he might get shot down again. I'm pretty sure they had quite lovely time at the party.

The pace was excellent and dialogue was quite natural to the characters. All in all, it was a nice fluffy one-shot about James and Lily.

Happy New Year!

Super Secret Santa :P

Author's Response: Hello Santa!

Hmm - yes. While I was writing this I didn't think I'd got the mathematics of it all quite right but it started to make my head hurt trying to figure it out. I hoped I'd either got it right by some miracle or people would overlook it. I will go back over it and try and sort it... thanks for pointing it out :)

Yeah I couldn't put the other Marauders in the team. Sirius maybe but I just don't see the other two being in the team so I just stuck with James. I had fun making up the other characters :)

Oh - the hospital scene was my favourite bit to write by far :) James is great fun to write and I loved it. I'm so glad you liked it too!!

Thank you for the lovely review Santa :)
Lauren


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Review #22, by Izzy The Quidditch Final

2nd January 2013:
THIS IS AWESOME! if you're feeling up to it/want to... please write more of this story! its really genuine and sweet. you're a very good writer. keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Oh thank you so much for leaving a review! I appreciate it :) I'm really glad you liked it :) Someone else mentioned the possibility of doing it in Lily's POV and so there may be an update yet! Watch this space!

Thanks again!

Lauren


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Review #23, by Siriusly89 The Quidditch Final

1st January 2013:
Hi :) Siriusly89 here with your requested review :D

Beofre I begin, just going to let you know that I review AS I read so it's going to get a bit disjointed :P

Yaay! Gryffindor won :D And James was so brave :P Heehee! He's like 'the ideal man' ! Can you package him and send him to me? Because I could do with a Romeo in my life :P

'Its probably done wonders to encourage your little fan club, but. . .' = PURE GENIUS! :D I loove it! And I am more inclined to guess the Marauders were thrown out for making too much noise :P

I wonder why Lily was really in the Hospital Wing *cue suggestive eyebrow wiggling* And I love that Hannah has a little girly crush on James :P

Okay, please please please(with a cherry on top) PLEASE either write this one-shot from Lily's POV or write a sequel that takes place at the 'thing' :P Please? Because I would love you forever if you did :P

PLEASE TELL ME WHEN YOU NEXT UPLOAD A STORY SO I CAN REVIEW AND FANGIRL ALL OVER IT :D

Author's Response: hello :)

Oh, I'm so so happy you enjoyed his story too!! I hadn't thought about writing any more or doing it from Lily's POV but now that you've brought it up you've gt me thinking... I'll make no promises but watch this space!

Yes - James is just lovely and perfect and I want to wrap him up and keep him! I really love the man!! I'm glad you liked what I wrote for Lily - she was so much fun to write in this!!

I can tell you that the Marauders did infact get thrown out for too much noise :) They were trying to bring the party to James (mostly lead by Sirius) and when that failed they took it back to GT and James joined them later :)

Lily was genuinely there for Mary to start with but she made up some pretty poor excuses to stay behind for James that Mary didn't believe what so ever ;)

Gah - you make my day with your reviews - I'm SO happy you like what I'm writing!! Thank you so so much :)

Lauren


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Review #24, by Gabriella Hunter The Quidditch Final

31st December 2012:
HELLO!

Hey! Its me, Gabbie with your requested review and even though its not Georgelina, I had to read it anyway since I love your work. Hear that? Confessions of love in the air...(Though I'm in love with various other authors at the moment, I could squeeze you in next to my friend Cassie Potter. Hehehe.)
Anyhoo, so Quidditch! Ugh, I get so nervous whenever I try to write it and I have to give you credit for opening with it. Me, being the coward that I am, would have just sleazed my way around it without any detail.
But I loved the way you handled this. James walking out onto the pitch with his team, encouraging his mates and having that confidence was wonderful. Also, I just LOVED how you added in that bit about Lily being the crowd, something about the way you wrote that made me sigh. Girlish imaginings of course.
I wasn't sure by how you wrote this if they were together, if they WERE going to get together and I liked that. You focused first hand on the game, which I could see was a tad hard for you on some parts but smoothed out very well. James actually getting hurt was a good twist too because usually they'd have just won the game amid cliched cheers and confetti. He's honestly human and I'm glad that you showed that.
Anyhoo, Lily! Haha, I thought it was funny that she was fussing at him while he was knocked out and a little sweet too that she came to see him. The fact that she was worried really brought her feelings into perspective. I was able to gather that she didn't hate him as much as either of them would have thought and it was subtle, but wonderful.
James's conversation with her was funny, mature and flirtatious all at once. It was great to see that he wasn't trying to play up the "wounded victim" bit and manipulate her. And I think that came across for Lily, which was probably why she didn't know how to react to him, it showed a different side to his character that she had probably never noticed. ;)
The hopeful ending is great too. We all know of course what happens in the future but at that moment, you do wonder. How will the party go? What will Lily say? Will they become friends and perhaps something more by the time the year is out? :D
I liked that you didn't answer those questions but left us to wonder and want more. ;)
So, I loved this and I'm glad that you wanted me to read it. Keep up the good work!
Much love,
Gabbie

Author's Response: Hello lovely :)

Gah - yes I know! I found Quidditch ridiculously hard to write but I had to have the match in there to go with my plot! I ended up making it shorted than I orginally intended and I still don't think it's quite right but hopefully the latter parts make up for that.

I did enjoy writing James talking to his team mates though. As I was writing I couldn't help but have Oliver in the back of my mind...

Haha, I'm glad you enjoyed the James getting injured part. I just thought it was very him - he's selfless like Harry.

In my head when I was writing the conversation, this is the start of their beautiful relationship. James is finally mature and Lily can no longer resist his good looks :)

I'm really glad you loved it! I really appreciate the lovely review :) It made my day to read it!!

Thank you :)
Lauren


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Review #25, by sour_grapes_snape The Quidditch Final

31st December 2012:
Hello! sour_grapes_snape here with your review! Thank you so much for entering my challenge.

I thought you wrote the Quidditch match very well. James seemed very in-character and the scene was well-executed. The only complaint I have is that it could have been a bit longer.

I loved the conversation James had with Lily. It showed that she was starting to care for him and provided a bit of a background for their relationship. I also liked the way James told Lily that he was still interested in her, it was very sweet.

Overall, I thought this was short and cute, with good attention to detail. Winners will be announced soon! Thank you again for entering

-Laura

Author's Response: Hello :)

Thanks for leaving the review :) I enjoyed taking part in the challenge!!

Gah - I found the Quidditch really hard to write. I know I picked it but that was because I had the plot in my head but the match itself was really hard to write so I may have chickened out slightly and made it shorter than I orginally intended!!

I'm really glad you liked the conversation between the two of them though! I loved writing this part and it kind of made me want to write more about it!!

Thanks again for reviewing :) It was a great challenge!!

Lauren


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