Hi, so I'm glad I got the chance to come back and check out this story since I enjoyed "Ending It." When reading the prequel, I suspected that eventually Victoire would find out and everything would explode, and this story certainly did not disappoint! I felt so sorry for Victoire, and how this will forever taint her love for her sister as well as her fiance (as for Teddy, he doesn't deserve either of them!).
There was so much buildup at the beginning of the chapter, I could really feel the tension in suspecting what was about to happen. When she found the letter, I was just thinking "OH NO!" yet still felt like she deserved to know the truth.
I'm personally not a huge fan of swearing in stories, especially if its not in the dialogue, since I feel like there's always another word to use that holds the eloquence and flow of the writing together, so in terms of CC that's about all I've got. Feel free to ignore it, however!
You should consider writing a sequel one-shot that discusses what the girls' families and parents think about the whole situation, and maybe giving the girls some sort of closure! :)
This was another great story, well done! :) Report Review
Hi! Here from review tag.
I read and reviewed Ending It a while ago and I had really enjoyed it. I hadn't even thought that Victoire would know about their relationship until I read this, but yeah, this seems realistic. I liked Victoire's reaction to the letter. Dominique was very very nice , I loved her. Teddy- I admit that I didn't like him. He's kind of cheated both of them you know.
Anyways a nice read. Enjoyed it. =]
AshwiniAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing. I am glad you enjoyed Ending It, as well as this one. I am pleased that you think this was realistic. I tried to make Victoire's reaction as strong as I could so it's great you liked it. It's great to hear you liked Dom as well. Teddy wasn't meant to be likeable here really, he was a bit of a prat indeed xP
Thank you! Report Review
Oh no! Victoire found the note! Why did you have to write it Teddy? Why could he just let it go? :D
You've written Victoires pain very well this is why you're such a good writer!
I felt sorry for Vic finding out that way or for finding out at all, she doesn't deserve all of that, especially before her wedding day.
I feel so sad now :-( Why must you be so good at writing and make me feel such emotions? :DAuthor's Response: Haha, Teddy is stupid xP
I am glad that you think Victoire's pain was written well. My aim was to make you feel sorry for her, so I am pleased it worked. Aw thank you so much =) Report Review
Hey it's Mya from the Slytherin review tag!
This is a great one not really. I like the idea alot! Vic's reaction to the betrayal was very realistic though I did feel that it was slight rushed. If Vic really loved either her sister or Teddy she would at least think about it for a bit. I just thought that shock would have made her as vocal as she was.
Dom and Teddy both were great too. The characterization was done nicely though I felt a bit disconnected with them since there was a lot of action and not much description about feelings. Maybe you could have more internal thoughts on Vic?
Don't get me wrong. I really loved this!! It was amazing :) great job! There are just rooms of improvement which could really help make this one shot the best :D
--MyaAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing!
I am glad that you liked the idea, and found Victoire's reaction realistic. I have been through something like what she went through so I tried to portray everything as believably as I could! Well, I thought that since she had some veela blood in her, her anger would be the most dominant, so maybe thats why it came off as a little rushed.
I'll try and see what I can do about giving more internal thoughts on Vic.
I am not getting you wrong at all, I appreciate all your views! Thank you so much! Report Review
Hello there! Happy Valentine's Review A-Thon!
I have to admit I haven't read the first part of this story, I've never actually read a Victoire/Teddy before but this was heartbreakingly beautiful! I can't even begin to imagine what she must've been feeling when reading that letter, especially since it was addressed to her sister! That's the one thing one could never get passed, although in my opinion you should never get passed somebody cheating on you. If they felt the need to cheat then something's obviously broken in that relationship and you should move on.
What I liked best about this is the fact that Vic didn't just melt into a happy little puddle when he said he wanted to marry her and not her sister. It's so easy for girls or even women to just fall into this vicious pattern where they believe it will be okay because they want it so bad only to end up hurt again. Victoire is a fine example of how a woman should hold herself even in the face of something like this and say "No, I deserve better than this!" and go out and seek it. The Veela in her is showing and that's a good thing, because as writers, we have the power to shape and control these characters and I think it's up to us to make them role-models. Or maybe I'm just looking too much into it!
All in all, lovely story, I greatly enjoyed it! Good luck with the Ship-Off voting!
RalAuthor's Response: Hi! Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing.
You're very right about the cheating thing, you can never get past it. I am glad that you found this 'heartbreakingly beautiful' though, thanks!
I always wanted to portray Victoire as stronger than just forgiving him, and I am glad that you think that the Veela in her showed. And no, you're not looking too much into it, sometimes characters need to be role-models and I am glad Victoire came across as one!
I appreciate all your comments, thank you! Report Review
Hey, I'm here with your requested review! :) (So sorry it took me forever, I've had a crazy month! :O)
Oh my goodness this was so sad! I can't imagine what Vic was going through just by being cheated on, but by being cheated on with your sister? That's terrible! I have two sisters who are a year and then 2 years younger than me and I couldn't imagine having to go through something like that.
I loved the way you had Vic be the nosy big sister and read the letter. As the oldest out of my sisters, I honestly don't know if I could pass up something like that either :P It really made me relate to her in that aspect, which is good because being able to relate to characters is something huge I look forward to in stories!
This line really got to me...
"Victoire's hands shook. It was as if a knife had pierced her heart. Coldness gripped her soul and her mind felt disconnected. The words danced in front of her eyes and jeered at her as her vision became blurry. Never before in her life, had she felt so out-of-control, so helpless, so clueless, so vulnerable."
You had such wonderful description throughout the whole story, but I really liked this moment because you got to see how raw her emotions were and how truly angry and hurt she was.
The part where she truly broke down and was screaming at Dom really got to me :/ Even though Dom was just as wrong as Teddy for this, I felt really bad for her. Losing a boyfriend/fiance is one thing, but losing your own flesh and blood to something like this.. well, it would be unimaginable for the both of them. I do believe that Dom really did feel sorry and terrible for what she did, but I'm also glad Victoire found out before it was too late. It's really amazing that you were able to make me feel sorry for the both of them in this piece. I'm having internal conflicts trying to decide if Vic should forgive Dom or not and I can think of valid reasons for her to either forgive or not forgive her... (could there possibly be a part 3 to this?? :P)
Ah, I found another line that I really liked!
"Dom stretched out her hand to touch her sister's shoulder, but Victoire turned around and disapparated with a loud crack, leaving her sister to merely grasp thin air and cry in anguish."
That was so powerful! Having that happen to you would be the equivalent of 10 doors being slammed in your face and I bet it was a huge punch in the stomach and eye opener to Dom. I just couldn't even imagine. Gah!
Ahhh Teddy, what a jerk... I can't believe he would to that to Vic. Did he honestly expect to get away with all of it? I'm very proud of Victoire though, sticking to her true nature. I know a lot of people who have gone back to their cheating significant others and it never works out the same, so I'm glad she took the high road and dumped him.
I thought the plot was very interesting and it definitely grabbed my attention right away. It flowed really smoothly for being such a short story and I didn't find any spots where I was left wondering about anything plot-wise. :)
I really liked your characterization of the three of them, especially Victoire. Her personality totally shone through the story and I liked how she went from happy and bubbly to in shock and despair. It showed how much she loved Teddy and how betrayed she felt.
The only thing I can think of that I would say to improve on would be able to add a little more description about the characters like hair color, age, and physical appearances. I know this is a sequel to another story and that you probably have those details in the first part, but it would be nice to have them in this story too, for people who haven't read the other one :) other than those details, I thought this story was great and I'm so glad I got the chance to read it!
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! And I don't mind the delay =)
I am glad you liked this, and could feel Victoire's pain. Its good to know that you could relate to her too, I know big sisters can be nosy haha :P
I put in a lot of effort in writing the paragraph right after Vic reads the letter so I am pleased to know that you really liked that moment, and also the one where Vic is screaming at Dom. My aim was to make you sympathise with both the sisters so I am glad that it worked. As for part 3, I am not sure yet xP
Ah, you're right, poor Dom, when Victoire just apparated on her, it did feel like slamming 10 doors on her face, but seeing it from Vic's POV, she was so hurt it was justified.
I wanted to show Victoire as the strong one who wouldnt forgive Teddy for this awful deed, unlike Dom who was weak enough to allow the affair to happen in the first place.
Its great to know that you found the plot interesting, and found it to flow smoothly without having any gaps.
I am happy to hear that you liked my characterisations, and Victoire's emotions.
Thanks for your comments, I'll see what I can do about those details.
And Thank you so much for your wonderful review =)
Hi! I'm here for your review! Sorry for the delay!
This moment is so intense! I can't imagine what it would be like to be in Victoire's shoes right now because everything she's ever known or felt has been ripped away from her. Your title is well done because this is probably one of the worst betrayal's you can have. It's deep and raw and on more than just the you're cheating on me level it really cuts into trust issues because it's coming from both sides.
The premise of this is really good because it could lead to this really emotionally intense piece. There were parts of it though that i had a hard time connecting too. I think what might have helped was focussing more on more emotions than just her anger. The bit i loved most was the moment after she found the letter. That paragraph was so beautiful because you connected to Victoire in her moment of grief. However she switched to anger quite quickly and although I think that is a good emotion to play with I think there should be a balance and that may help the connection between the reader and the character. Also, with her anger, imagery (albeit hard to pull off sometimes) can be your friend so that we can also feel her flashes of anger.
Characterization wise I think you started well. You made Victoire a sympathetic character at the beginning because you can tell she's excited about her next day. She just seems to bask in her happiness and joy which is a stark contrast to what she's about to go through. I sort of wished to see a bit more from her though. Maybe something that showed that she wasn't perfect or hinted to why Teddy drifted from her. It wouldn't have to be much but maybe a personality trait or quirk that drove him into her sister's arms- something anyway that gave her a more rounded personality. Obviously this isn't focusing on that but how she was betrayed but it would help to make her more relatable.
I think you did the whole scene between her and Dominique well. Dominique did genuinely seem regretful and sad about it. It seemed like to me that she hated what she did to her sister and almost hated herself for it and yet she couldn't help herself or her feeling and I think you balanced that out well. Though I did wonder why she'd bring the letter with her to Victoire's house? Something like that you think she'd burn it or, at least, keep it at her place so she wouldn't be found out. I didn't like Teddy in the end. How he was still willing to marry her and say he was hers- it just made him so so despicable and unlikeable because what kind of girl would want to marry someone who's just done what he's done. I felt like, in the end, he would have just repeated the cycle- maybe not with Dom but someone else. I don't know if that was your intention but it's what i felt.
There was also a point and this is a fairly small and nitpicky thing but when Victoire's confronting him there is a point that it switches into his POV for a sentence or two and then back to hers. It just seemed to disrupt the story because we were hearing about this story from hers the whole time and it switched for such a small amount of time that it made it hard to connect to him and her in that moment.
This is a great moment to explore and I think your plot is interesting because for some reason i really enjoy reading about angsty moments like this where the emotions and feelings are just raw on the page. thank you so much for requesting me and i hope i answered all your concerns. Feel free to request again if you wish ;P
-zayneAuthor's Response: Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing, and no problem about the delay, I understand how RL gets in the way!
I am glad you liked this, and found it to be intense. I gave a lot of thought to the title, so thank you :)
I am sorry that there were parts you couldn't connect to. I tried to give it my best. I also thought that since Victoire had some veela blood, her anger would be the strongest emotion. However, I am pleased to know that you liked the paragraph immediately after Victoire reads the letter, as I worked hard on it. I am not particularly good when it comes to playing with imagery, but I'll see what I can do. As for maintaining a balance with grief, I'll try to focus more on that too when I do an edit.
Its good to know that you liked Victoire's characterisation, especially in the beginning. You make a good point about showing something that caused Teddy to deviate from her, but I mostly talk about that factor in the prequel (of her being too uptight and prim and proper as opposed to Dominique) and touch on it briefly when talking about the messy room. But I'll see if I can elaborate more on it when I do an edit.
It's good to know that you liked the Dominique and Victoire interaction. Yes, Dominique regretted her actions and I am glad that it came through in the narrative. Again, you make another good point about Dominque bringing the letter to Vic's place, that was something I didn't think through, so I think I'll change it to Victoire being at Dom's house instead of the other way round when I edit it. Thank you! As for Teddy, that was entirely my intention. I wanted to depict him as this selfish needy person who could see nothing beyond his own "feelings" or desires. I see him that way because I always think that he grew up as a lost boy, who wanted so much yet hardly got any of it, thus his current attitude. I am glad that my depiction was successful.
I didn't realize that I switched to Teddy's POV for a sentence or two, so I'll look into that and change it whenever I edit. Thanks for pointing it out.
I appreciate that you took the time to leave such a thoughtful review, and that you found this interesting. I love angsty moments too! You answered all my concerns, thanks a ton. All your comments were really helpful. Thanks!
Hi! This is Faux from the forums with your requested review. I didn't notice any spelling/grammar errors, but I do have some comments to make about plot and characterization.
Maybe it's because I haven't read the prequel, but I didn't get a good idea of your characters in this chapter besides basic outlines. I'd suggest you lengthen out the chapter with more description of the characters (and scenery, too) to give a better idea of what they're like.
This kind of betrayal is a difficult topic to write about without seeming contrived. Victoire's internal monologue is very good. The paragraph that comes right after the letter is probably the best point of the story, because it's the spot where her emotions and thoughts and pain really came out. I'd suggest you try to add in some more passages like that to elaborate more on what she's feeling, etc. You also might want to work on your dialogue, because it sounds a bit unnatural. I have the same problem, and reading the characters' lines out loud helps a lot. :)
Hope this was helpful!Author's Response: Hey thanks for reading and reviewing!
I appreciate your comments and I'll see what I can do about more description on characterisation, and more on the feelings, and working on dialogues. I believe in "less is more" but anyway, I'll see what I can do.
Thanks :) Report Review
wow, this was very powerful! I thought that the ranting done by Victoire was brilliantly well written, and very moving. Her swearing and shouting and the sentences all running into each other or being chopped up, that's very well done! Yaaay!
Dom and Teddy were also well written, their characterisations seemed to be ones you were familiar with. Your dialogue is great, and I'd love to see this maybe in the Guild? Sounds like it could be a wonderful script!
My only criticism would be to set the scene a bit more, as you've explained a bit but not gone into very much detail.
Overall, a wonderful piece of writing, that is really powerful. Stupid Teddy and Dom for cheating! How could they? SEVEN MONTHS? HER OWN SISTER? Evil. I knew I didn't like Dom :P
-Supreme Shop of Awesome, out.Author's Response: Hey Jenny! Thanks for reading and reviewing this!
I am glad you found this powerful, and liked Victoire and her dialogues and such.
Yeah, I know my Dom and Teddy pretty well, since I wrote them in the prequel, and again glad to know you liked the dialogue. Thank you for the amazing idea of turning this into a script, I think I may just well do it xD
Since this was a sequel to another story (though working as a stand-alone too) I didnt think much of setting the scene, but I'll think about it!
Haha poor Victoire, but poor Dom too. Dont judge Dom so easily. She got carried away by Teddy. Its TEDDY THATS EVIL :P
Thank you! Report Review
Let me start again. I started reading this going awe cute sister love, then I read the letter, and letters are never good , from the title of your story I seen it coming but all my mind could register is. Well that escalated quickly.
On to the more reviewy side of this review. As always excellent writing technique, the story flowed nicely and it was at no point boring. Dare I say it short heart enchantingly disastrous and end. Bravo! Loved it! ~ LadyAuthor's Response: hey! thanks for reading and reviewing! I am glad you liked this! Report Review
Hi there! I read/reviewed Ending It, and I have to say that I'm pretty pleased that not only did Victoire find out about what had happened before they were married, but that Dom and Teddy got what they both deserved.
I loved the way you sent Victoire into such a spiral with this. From dreaming of the day when she'd become a bride, to learning about the two people she should be able to trust most and what they did to her.
I really do believe that Teddy does love her, but the fact that he still admits to loving done and wishing there was a way to have them both shows how selfish he really is.
I'm split about the letter. I like that that's how she found out, but I do think that it would be hard for Dom to do something as careless as leave a love letter from your sisters fiance detailing your affair together in your pocket, especially if going over to said sisters house. If you ever think of editing this, maybe Victoire going to Dom's and finding the letter there would make more sense? Not that where she found it even matters. What matters is the insane, amazing emotional impact you put into this piece. Though, I kind of wanted to see Victoire break a little more. Not in anger, you did the anger so amazingly. But she's ending something that was such a huge part of her life for so, so long. Not that she's wrong in doing so, and I love that you had her actually ending it, but it seems like she would have been more conflicted with everything. almost wanting to believe Teddy's promise, but knowing it wasn't true. Though, I suppose that small Veela percentage could weigh in, giving way to pretty much just anger.
I absolutely LOVE that you showed us both interactions between her and the two who betrayed her. I swear, if part three is those two dancing off to live a happy life together, I'm going to glare at them both in a very VERY mean way. That's the best 12+ threat I could come up with :P
Your writing was paced really well for this, the intensity and fast paced feeling matching such a dramatic situation, and made this feel like it was over before I barely read the first sentence!
I've absolutely enjoyed both your stories revolving around these two and Teddy, and am curious if there will be another to follow! Hint hint... haha ;)Author's Response: Hi!
Thanks a ton for reading and reviewing!
Haha you are a bit harsh, but anyhow I couldnt let Victoire marry Teddy in blissful oblivion xP
I am glad you liked the "spiral" of Victoire's emotions as I worked hard on getting it right.
Yes, Teddy loves Victoire, and he loves Dom too, yet he is so selfish and needy.
Oh dear, I didn't think of that! Thanks for pointing it out! Now that I see, it is quite silly (and unrealistic) of Dom to carry the letter with her while going to Victoire's. I think I'll edit and make it the other way round (of Vic visiting Dom). I'll edit it when I have ample time :)
I thought about the Veela part weighing in actually, of her anger clouding over everything else. Plus, I see Victoire as a very strong character and I think that she wouldn't allow the other softer side of hers overcome her anger and hurt towards Teddy.
Haha don't worry, I won't have Dom and Teddy living happily ever after in part three (if there ever is a part three). I dislike Teddy too much to let him have either Dom or Victoire at all xP
I am so happy after reading your lovely review, thank you! Its great to hear that you liked the pace, intensity, and such, and that you enjoyed both the stories!
I'll see if I'll do a part three or not xD
Thanks! Report Review
Hey there! I'm here from review tag!
Poor Victoire! Poor Teddy! Poor Dominique!
I really enjoyed reading this, although it ended so sadly for everybody! The way you portrayed Victoire's feelings was especially beautiful; the transitions from happy, to angry, to heartbroken were completely believable and very relatable. I really felt for her all the way through. Even though this is only a couple of thousand words long, I felt that I really got to know the characters. There were several places where you seemed to bring across really complex emotions in just a few simple words, which really impressed me!
I think it's clever that you managed to make me feel sympathetic for both sisters and that aspect made the whole piece of writing far more engaging than it had just been a simple good-guy/bad-guy situation, if you know what I mean. I found Teddy much less likable, in the way he'd sort of manipulated both Victoire and Dominique. That said, I thought the letter he wrote to Dom was beautiful: sweet, and sad and eloquent and just lovely.
So yeah- a really intense piece of writing! Your characterisation was brilliant as were Victoire's final reflections on how she'd been betrayed (although I must admit that the ending did leave me with a lot of curiosity about what happened to them all afterwards...!)
-BethanyAuthor's Response: Hey there! Thanks for reading and reviewing.
Yeah, poor Vic, Teddy, and Dom indeed *sigh*
I am glad you liked reading this and found the feelings well-portrayed. I am glad that you also were able to feel for the characters as that was my aim.
Teddy was definitely less likeable, he was quite selfish indeed, and he hurt both Dom's and Vic's feelings very strongly. I put in quite some effort into writing the letter - struggled to get it right - so I am glad you liked it.
Thanks again for reading and reviewing! I have not yet thought about what happens afterward, but if I ever write a sequel (by turning this into a trilogy), you're welcome to read it xD
Wow! What a story!!!
This was definitely fine as a stand-alone, and I'm really glad that I got to read it. I am amazed by how crazy and emotional it was, but take that as a good thing. :)
There were just so many swirling emotions throughout, I'm pretty pleased with how you dealt with them. This was a really huge thing to write about, even though it was short. It takes a lot of pluck to write something like this, even if it hasn't happened (that you know of). Well done!
The only thing I would suggest is that when Victoire is yelling at Teddy, I could use some more description. How are they standing? How are they reacting to each other? A few bits of action in between the words they are saying will help turn the last part into just as powerful of an explosion as the first part was.
Gah... I hope what I've said makes sense. :p
At any rate, the only thing you really need to get from this insane review is that I really enjoyed the story. It was really well written and just plain awesome. :)
~UnluckyStar57Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing!
The first line of your review has me grinning, thanks xD
I had a little bit of difficulty dealing with all the emotions, and I gave it my best, so I am glad that you are pleased with them. Well, it has happened to me (sort of) so I do know about it, and thus why I wrote, but yeah thanks!
Hmm, thanks for the suggestion. If and when I do an edit, I'll surely try to add in more description and action between Vic and Teddy's dialogue.
It all definitely makes sense :)
Thanks again for your awesome review! Report Review
Hello there! Review tag!
Oh, such a painful and terribly tragic story of love and betrayal. I'm glad you dealt with this topic of cheating - it's a very real and quite common issue in life. I think you really captured Victoire's heartbreak, shock and pain very well. It wasn't too subtle, but it was well-written. Your story flowed very nicely. The sudden startling change from happy, contented, over-the-moon Victoire to post-letter stunned and horrified Victoire was dramatic. You went into so much detail describing her happiness and excitement, her feelings of goodwill toward her sister, her sense of anticipation...that I really felt for her when she finds her whole world crashing down around her.
I would really have liked to hear Teddy and Dom's explanation to their affair, but I understand that Victoire is too highly-strung to hear any of it :( I know this is a Victoire-centred fic, but I was wondering if you could also expand on the characterisations of Dom and Teddy a little more. It would fill out your story a little, and really give a sense that their lives will also be drastically changed.
But I do think this is a wonderful little story, an episode of life. It's very dramatic, very angsty and very painful and there doesn't seem to be any redemption for any of the characters. Great job; I enjoyed this very much :)
-tehAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing :)
That's true, it is a very real and common issue in real life, and I just had to write it, especially since I've experienced something very similar.
I worked hard on trying to get across Victoire's heartbreak, so its nice to know you found it well-written. I was aiming for my readers to really feel for her throughout her emotional ride, so I am glad that it had the desired effect.
Yeah, I dont think Vic would have stayed to hear their explanation, which is why you get to see Dom's side of story (sort of) in the prequel to this called "Ending It" :)
I'll think about editing this and expanding more on Dom and Teddy too though.
Thanks again for your review! I am happy you enjoyed this! Report Review
Hi, I'm here with your requested review.
I've read several stories similar to this in plot - with Dom having an affair with Teddy behind Victoire's back. However none of those stories that I read were from Victoire's Pov, so it was rather refreshing to read.
In your request you asked if this worked as a stand alone. I think it does work as a stand alone and after reading this one-shot it's made me want to go read the prequel to see what happens in it.
My only suggestion for you would be to maybe break Victoire and Dominique's big speeches to each other, as it is long and cramped together thereby making it harder to read.
Teddy/Victoire have always been one of my favourite pairings and I don't like seeing it when they break up. But I still think you portrayed them really accurately and you described the pain that Victoire was feeling, so vividly. I felt so bad to see her like that.
I really enjoyed though and I'm definitely going to go read the prequel now.
CharlieAuthor's Response: Hi! Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Its good to know that you found this a refreshing read.
I am relieved to know that it works well as a stand-alone. I'd definitely appreciate your feedback on the prequel too :)
I didn't think it would be difficult to read but now that you mention it, I'll break the paragraphs!
I worked hard on Vic's feelings, so I am glad that you found them portrayed well and could feel for her.
Thanks again for your thoughtful review. Would love to see your thoughts on the prequel as well! Report Review
Hey it's patronus_charm with your review!
I love reading Teddy/Victoire stories as they're such a cute couple so I've read quite a few and I have to say this was a fantastic twist! Even though I haven't read the prequel to this I could still understand what the plot was and it made me want to find out more about events prior to this and see what triggered them!
You described Victoire's pain so vividly you almost wanted to cry over the betrayal with her! It was such a big shock, because at first I was like isn't strange that Dom and Victoire are friends for once and then you find out what she did!
I thought that you captured Victoire's thoughts and personality very well and I could really believe in this story!
Overall I really enjoyed and I don't really feel there are any improvements to make! I'm off to read the prequel now ;DAuthor's Response: Hi! Thanks for reading and reviewing!
I am glad you were intrigued by the story and understood the plot well.
I strive to write emotionally intense scenes and its good to know that you felt Vic's pain.
I worked hard on Vic's thoughts and personality so its a relief to know that you could believe it all.
Thanks a lot once again, and I'd love to know what you think of the prequel! Report Review
I don't know how I got here, but I managed to do so, and I'm happy that I did.
I ship Teddy/Victoire and I normally don't like them being split up in a story, especially if it was Dominique ruining their relationship. And to be honest, if I knew that it was going to happen with this, I wouldn't even have dared to read this. But because I didn't know that and I didn't read the previous one-shot 'Ending It', so I absolutely had no idea how things were going to turn out. Though, I should have had at least a vague idea of what it was going to be about when I read the title: Betrayal. I'm stupid, aren't I? D:
Enough with the rambling.
This has possibly been said to you a couple or more times, but this one-shot is AMAZING. Not just because its perfection -oh, how the start made me think that the story was finishing with a happy ending! Everything just flowed well so together and everything seemed so realistic! And the intensity of the story, from when Victoire read the letter, was radiating off my laptop screen. This is just...how can you be so perfect, Aditi?
But if anything, this story opened my eyes to the fact that all along I've been ignoring so many stories, not because they were bad, but just because I didn't like how things were going turn out. I'm stupid and shallow! Jeez, can I get anymore worse? O.o
From now on, I promise to read more Dom/Teddy fanfics and I won't cringe anymore when I see a ship I love being split into half. D:
Sorry if the review didn't make sense. My brain's a bit of a mess. :|
PS: Is there going to be a continuation to this? ;)Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I am quite curious as to how you got here though xP
Haha no you aren't stupid, not at all! I am glad you decided to read this anyway though :)
I am smiling so big right now, thanks to your big "Amazing" there!! Thank you!! It's perfection? Really? Merlin, you're totally overdoing the flattery :P *blushes* Naw I am not perfect, but nevertheless, thank you so much. I am sooo happy that you liked this story so much and think its perfect-ish! It means a lot to me!
Naw don't blame yourself. Those kind of things happen to everyone. But yeah, you should definitely not let go of the opportunity to explore "different" stories from now on :)
*giggle* you're so funny, really. But I hope you enjoy the Dom/Teddy fics. For starters, you can read the prequel to this, its called "Ending It" and its Dom/Teddy's POV! And takes place before Betrayal =) *shameless self promotion*
Your review made a lot of sense and gave me lots of happiness! Kudos! Thanks a ton!!
And as of now, I don't think there'll be a continuation to this, but maybe in a few months I might get a plunny to turn this into a trilogy and may write something of a continuation xD
THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOVELY REVIEW Report Review
sweetlovelygirl here with your requested review.
First I have to tell you that this story is really amazing and touching. Everything is written perfectly.
You asked me in your request whether I think I have the need to read the prequel before this story and to be honest: I already read and reviewed the prequel story before for the review tag. So I can't really answer your question on that. But if I just think about it, I think readers could do without reading the prequel first, but I highly recommend reading the preequel because that was also an amazing and perfect short story!
Now about your characters. I think Teddy was being so selfish when he was having the affair with Dom. And he was so stupid for writing a LETTER about their affair! Ugh, can't stand him. (Haha, sorry for my opinion about him, but I really find it hard to like him now.)
Dominique is very well-written just like herr sister, although I still can't believe she would have an affair with her sister's man!
I hate it that there isn't a happy ending in this story. But that doesn't mean this isn't great. I especially
liked this sentence: 'How could she have let love make her weak enough to hurt her sister this way?' It's so brilliant and beautiful. Just like the rest of the story.
Thank you for letting me read this!
-Xxx- SLGAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing!
I feel so flattered that you find my story 'amazing and touching' and 'written perfectly'. Thank you!
I am glad to hear that you liked my prequel too and would recommend it to others.
Haha Teddy was definitely selfish and stupid, no doubt. And that's okay, I wasn't aiming for the readers to really like Teddy anyway.
I am glad you like Dom and Vic's characterisations.
I put in a lot of thoughts while writing such thoughts of characters so good to know you liked that line!
Thanks again! Report Review
Hey there! It's Courtney, here for your requested review:)
First, I want to say that the flow of this one shot is perfect. As in, I can't fault it. Even though the beginning is very different from the ending, everything flows smoothly and works together as a seamless whole so well done on that!
Speaking of the beginning, I thought it was the perfect way to start off this one-shot. It is definitely misleading, as it is very different from the angsty and dark mood of the rest of the piece, but works nevertheless. The very first sentence; 'Victoire smiled, for the umpteenth time that week, for absolutely no reason' worked very well, in my opinion, because it tells us that Victoire is so happy that she doesn't believe anything can ruin this happiness...and then is proved wrong through a great betrayal.
You have managed to portray Victoire's character very well, especially in such a short amount of time, and I even feel as though you have done Dom's character justice, though perhaps the line; 'Dominique was the complete opposite of her sister – messy and totally crazy.' could be improved slightly. I like the first part of this line, but is 'messy and totally crazy' really the BEST way to describe Dom? I could be wrong-it's really a matter of perspective, but maybe it would be more effective to have something along the lines of 'disorganized and completely barmy'? But that's just me nitpicking.
I like the way Victoire finds the letter, and the fact that she and Dom are on such good terms with each other until all is revealed. I also think you wrote the letter very well, so well done on that! And Victoire's reaction after reading it is absolutely perfect and very realistic. The paragraph that begins with 'Victoire's hands shook' was very well written, and was perhaps my favourite part of this entire one-shot.
The interaction between Victoire and Dom was also very well written, and I could just see the tension between them in my minds eye. The line; 'That did it. That unleashed the monster roaring within her' was great, and it was in that part that I realised how horrible for Victoire I felt!
The paragraph that begins with 'As Victoire appeared outside Teddy Lupin's house' was superbly written-you really have a way with words that draws the reader in. I also like the detail about Teddy's hair turning from black and yellow-it put a little smile on my face, and it's details like that which make the story seem so much more real!
I love the way Teddy and Victoire react to each other, and I know I said much the same thing about Dom and Victoire, which just shows how great you write these sort of angsty, violent scenes I guess. I could definitely see the Veela blood in Victoire coming out as she shouted at Teddy, which was great-even in the midst of a fight scene, Victoire's characterization still shines. I feel as though this argument was very realistic and perfectly written, so well done for that.
Overall, I think this is an excellent one-shot that works perfectly as a stand alone-I definitely didn't need to read the prequel to understand it. The very last sentence, 'the betrayal that had destroyed three lives' ties the whole thing together perfectly, so well done!
Thanks for the great read.
Courtney:)Author's Response: Hey thanks for reading and reviewing!
I am glad you liked the flow, and also the introduction into the story.
I am also glad to know that you liked my characterisations of Dom and Victoire. I'll look into what you said about Dom, thanks!
I struggled quite a bit while writing the letter so its a relief to know that you found it was well-written! Really, that entire paragraph starting from "Victoire's hands shook" was your favourite? I am so thrilled to know that, as I put in some effort in that :)
Its good to know that you felt bad for Victoire, especially after reading the 'monster' part, as that was the effect I was aiming for.
I have a way with words to draw the reader in? Really? *Squee* I feel so flattered xD Its good to know that you liked the small details as I do like writing them :)
I struggled quite a bit while writing the violent angsty scenes so you don't know happy you've made me by saying that you think I write these sort of scenes well. I actually didn't think about Vic's veela blood while writing it, but I guess my subconscious came up with that xD
Thanks again for such a long and thoughtful review! I am smiling so big right now!
Cheers! Report Review
Hi! Emily here with your review!
First of all, I think your summary was great, I was excited to read this story before I'd even clicked the link!
I really adore a love triangle, and between two sisters who were evidently very good friends, even more. I think it's really very interesting and your use of description really brings out the intensity of Victoire, Teddy and Dom's emotions.
I loved the obvious change in Vic's emotions, from being overly loved up and as happy as expected for someone who was about to be married, to vicious rage and anger at being betrayed by two people who she cared about the most.
I don't think I've ever read a story of betrayal that was ever quite so vivid or that grabbed my attention this much.
I haven't read a huge amount of Fics about Victoire, because she is quite often portrayed as self-centered and extremely attractive(and she knows it) and Dom's worst enemy. However, I love your characterisation of Victoire, and Dom, and I think they are much more realistic and how I would imagine them. Also, the plot gives a much better reason as to why Victoire will start to hate Dom, which makes a change from Dom hating Victoire.
You ask whether it works as a stand-alone, which it definitely does - though I'm now intrigued to read the prequel :P - however, I don't think the prequel is necessary for this story, it has a very good introduction and I don't feel like I'm missing information or anything.
All in all I'm extremely interested as to what actions Vic will take, and am excited to be introduced(hopefully) to the rest of the Weasleys.
Keep it up! And feel free to re-request anytime :')
-EmilyAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks a ton for reading and leaving such a sweet review!
Ah, summaries are my weak points so I am glad you think the summary was good!
I love love-triangles too, and adore writing them but I am always concerned with the emotional intensity so its good to know that you liked it.
I was afraid that everything happened a tad too fast, so again a relief that liked the change in Vic's feelings, and didnt think it was too quick.
Oh Merlin, really? It flatters me so much when you say that you've never read such a vivid and attention grabbing story of betrayal.
Well, I do agree with that. I have read one too many fics about Vic being the "mean" one and Dom hating her and so on. But I do feel that its not very plausible since after all they're sisters. I tried to do best with Dom & Vic's characters as well as I could, so I am glad you liked it.
It's a big relief to know that it stands alone well. I would love to know what you think of the prequel though, since it is from Dom's POV and takes place before Betrayal.
Well, as of now, I haven't planned another sequel to this (though I do think a trilogy would be nice) but if I do, I'll try to incorporate Vic's further actions and maybe introduce the other Weasleys.
It's a very tired phrase, but really, your review totally made my day!
Thanks :) Report Review
Hello, Just filling out your requested review :)
I thought this was a great little one-shot and to answer your concerns, it works perfectly fine as a one-shot! i wasn't confused or anything at all. I don't feel the need to read the prequel to understand this part but I must say you have me interested!!
I thought the plot was great - I love reading real life drama brought into the wizarding world and I felt this worked perfectly. To find out the day before her wedding though - man, you are harsh! My heart really went out to vic!
I really liked your characterisation too. You could pretty much take the three characters wherever you wanted due to having no real insight into them from the amazing JK and I loved what you did. These people clearly have flaws and two of them in particular have seriously messed up and given into temptation. The one bit of CC I would give you is to be careful with some of the speech. At times, I didn't always feel that the things they were saying were necessary. It was more like you were trying to get their feelings out but you could have done that in the description rather than in the speech if you understand me? It's just my opinion though and it doesn't take it away from being a great piece!
I didn't notice anything wrong grammar wise and I thought the flow was great. i loved the contrast between the love and hate vic clearly feels for her sister in such a short period of time. Same goes for Teddy really too!
Well done, this is a really great one-shot :)
LaurenAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing!
I am relieved to know that it works well as a stand-alone oneshot, and that you weren't confused and didnt feel the need to read the prequel.
I am a bad person, I like to be harsh to my poor characters, haha xP But I am glad you liked the plot and you could sympathise with Vic.
I am always a little worried about characterisation so good to now that you liked all the 3 characters and could see them being "human" with their flaws.
Hmm, I'll look into what you said, though usually my style of writing is always getting it all out in speech.
Thanks again for the thoughtful review! Report Review
I really liked this story. Most people think of Victoire and Teddy as ending up together, so I like this spin you put on it, even though it breaks my heart.
The only slight criticism I'd have is that you tend to say what she's feeling rather than showing it. Like, for example, you say 'Never before in her life, had she felt so out-of-control, so helpless, so clueless, so vulnerable'. Instead of saying something like that, it's often a lot more powerful to show how she feels, rather than just saying it bluntly. It makes stories a lot more elegant. Also, maybe if you included more of the facial expressions and body language of the characters rather than saying blunt statements.
A really nice story - well done!Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing!
I am glad you liked this story, and the different angle of which I showed Vic and Teddy.
Ah, thanks for your comment on that. I'll look into it. Usually my style of writing always tends to say things bluntly but I'll see what I can do.
Thanks again! Report Review
This simply broke my heart.
I started off really wary thinking that Victoire had doubts about the marriage and that it would be really hard to read but I just loved it.
I think Victoire could have had her outbursts in stages. For example, perhaps she's in a state of shock then she has an outburst then she's quiet and reflective and there could have been anecdotes of her relationship with Teddy then she starts filtering out all her feelings.
I felt like it was a bit too fast for me. However, that being said, people respond to things in very different ways.
I loved the way you expressed Victoire's thoughts, especially when she said, "You killed me, Dominique, you ruined me." That was so emotive.
I also really liked the characterisation of Vic and Dom and opposites. Victoire's more open and Dom's messy but secretive. It made me feel like I knew them as characters and had been reading this for ages rather than just in a oneshot.
I also think there could have been more action. Like Victoire throwing things or sitting in the fetal position in the corner just so it wasn't so speech driven but that doesn't even matter too much.
Aaah, loved it. I could gush forever.
peanuts11Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing!
It broke my heart while writing it too, *sigh*.
Its a relief to know that even though you started out wary, you ended up loving it =)
Hmm, I am sorry if it was a little too fast for you and you'd rather Vic had had her outbursts in stages, but as you said people respond differently to situations. In my mind, I felt like she'd have reacted this way, but thanks for the suggestion!
I tried to make this as emotive as possible over all, so its good to know certain emotive parts stood out to you.
Its great to know that you could grasp Vic and Dom's characters so well through just a little one-shot. It makes me feel good as a writer :)
Hmm, thanks for your comments. If I ever do an edit, I'll think about more action.
But I am happy you liked this, thanks a ton! Report Review
Hello! Siriusly89 here with your requested review :D
Before I begin, I just want to warn you that I review AS I read so it can get a bit disjointed at times :P
Okay, hold the phone! Teddy had an affair with DOMINIQUE? And then he has the gall to propose to VICTOIRE? He has some neck! And Dominique with her 'I'm so sorry', I did not blame Victoire for slapping her! I would have too!
I loved the confrontation between her and Teddy! And how Teddy was all confused and again with the 'Im so sorry' I really would have loved if Victoire slapped him too, but you can't have it all :P
This was a really, really well written piece! I loved how you showed the betrayal, how you went into depth in both Victoire's grief and anger, you got the balance brilliantly! I really like this!Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Haha, I love your reactions xP I can understand why you think Teddy and Dom deserved to be slapped. My main aim was for my readers to sympathise with Vic and that was fulfilled so I am glad xD I would like if you could read the prequel to this (Ending It) which is from Teddy & Dom's POV and see what you think!
Anyway, thanks so much for your review. I am happy to know you liked it so much! Report Review
Oh I feel so bad for Vic that she found that letter the day before her wedding to him! How horrible! I had always wondered what had happened after that first oneshot about Dom and Teddy and I'm glad to find out that things went this way and Dom didn't have to witness her sister get married to the man she loved as well. But now i just have more questions and want to know more about their story, will dom and teddy get back together? How will Vic ever get over this huge heartbreak? and will she ever forgive the two for what they did to her? So much I want to know! I thought this was a great sequal to Ending It and enjoyed it very much! The letter Teddy wrote Dom is so sad and yet touching at the same time but he was rather thick headed to write such a letter so close to his wedding day especially since Dom would of course be with Vic that day! I felt so bad for all three of them, each with their own heartbreak. I very much liked this! Great Job!
~Slytherinchica08~Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Ah I am glad you liked this one-shot and it answered some of your musings as to what happened after Ending It. Haha your questions are never ending it seems xP I'll see if I ever turn this into a trilogy and write another sequel to this trying to answer some of your questions xD
Teddy is rather thick headed, yeah.
Its good to know you liked this, and you understood the characters and the concept, thanks! Report Review
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