Hi, Elphaba here! I fully intend to finish this story (because it has me hooked) even if takes me a while to do so.
You mention in your chapter description that you hope the time jump isn't too jarring. I think it's okay, because you start out with a paragraph that explains what she's been doing for the past four months.
I was a bit confused at first by scene where Katie discovers Fred's body, because I didn't remember that the others had hidden him behind the armor. I actually looked that scene up in DH to double-check. You got it right, though, which shows me that you've done a great job of paying attention to the details while writing this story.
Later, I noticed the asterisk at the end of Oliver's quote, but don't see the page reference in your end note. I wonder if that got deleted somewhere?
Even though it's obviously very sad, I appreciate that you include visceral details of battle (ear-splitting screams) and death (singed hair, blood-flecked cheeks, cold bodies). It's interesting that Katie begins to deal with her feelings about Leanne's death after she finds Fred, where before she had been numbing herself. I think there is some truth in this. I like that even though she feels hopeless, she fights on, kept alive by adrenaline.
I wonder about the significance of Lavender Brown? I suppose this will be revealed as I continue to read. :)
Great chapter! Report Review
Gah! I'm so glad you asked for a re-request. I am really bad at remembering to look back on my favorites for something to read :3
Ohhh gosh. I just love your Oliver. There are so many Oliver fics on HPFF that have him as this really cocky heartthrob type, but you have a much more realistic portrayal of him. It was so thoughtful for him to take care of Katie, and I like the dynamic you've set up between them, what with her kissing him and then turning out to be gay.
That was a really heart-wrenching story, about Leanna. I don't know if I just misread the first chapter, of if you meant to surprise us, but I thought they had just broken up. But what actually happened is so terrible. In fact, I don't think I've ever felt so connected to the horrors of the second War--not even in canon. In Deathly Hallows, we're following the trio, who's on the outside of it all as they travel. But this is a powerful portrayal of the really intense, horrible things that happened to those who couldn't escape. Really well done.
I think even more heart-wrenching is how Oliver's changed. This line is so poignant, "Because, more than anything, she wanted him to argue with her, to set her straight, to put her in her place and tell her how stupid she was being, because this was Oliver, and that was what he had always done. But he did nothing." Oliver's always been one of those background characters, humorous for his obsession with Quidditch and his tough-love nature. The way you've characterized him now is really sad to see, and so accurate.
GOD this story. I love it. Please re-request from me, and remind me to actually pay attention to the stories I'm so fond of xD Great work, another very well-written chapter. Report Review
Wow! I cannot believe this is the last chapter! Overall, I thought this was a very nicely written story, and it was a pleasure to read and review all six chapters-thank you so much for requesting, otherwise I wouldn't have discovered this little gem.
I may be in the minority, but I actually love unhappy endings, and I'm kind of glad Katie and Oliver essentially didn't end up together, as i had expected. Your way is so much more original, so unique and I thought the newspaper article at the end was a nice touch.
Katie is still clearly off the rails, which I also like. I like this because I think it was clever of you not to entirely...heal her, if that makes any sense. She's still a little wild, still destroyed on the inside and still feels as though Lavender's death was her fault. I have to admit, I'm surprised she turned herself in, because I don't think Lavender's death was her fault. However, I can definitely understand the way Katie feels and I respect her decision.
Katie and Oliver's conversation in this chapter was perfect, even though I felt so sorry for Oliver! He must have had no idea what was going on...must have felt as though he'd done something stupid. Your characterizations in this chapter were brilliant, and I definitely feel as though you're going out on a high note.
Congrats for finishing a brilliant story!
Courtney:) Report Review
Okay, okay, I saw you had the next chapter up and couldn't help myself!
Goodness me!! What are you doing to me? No, Katie and Oliver were all happy and now they're not and I'm really gutted! Poor Oliver, he was so good in this. I like how unsure he was when trying to figure out what was wrong but I just felt really sorry for him.
I like how you finished the chapter, with the newspaper article. I thought that was a really nice touch. I'm a little upset though that Katie is being punished. I know she sort of should be, but it was a war and she didn't do it intentionally. Surely there were quite a few people to vouch for her, Harry being one and obviously Oliver. It just seems a bit harsh bless her.
I'm really excited about your next chapter though, I really can't wait to read more!
Lauren :)Author's Response: Yayay, you came back! :)
Oh, I'm sad that you're gutted :( It did make me teary in places too, ngl. But I feel Katie had to do what she had to do, and I feel there was a reason why she felt Oliver was too good for her.
That was actually the end of the story! (I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing D:) But I'm glad you liked the newspaper article.
And I'm actually really happy it made you think. I really wanted to ask a moral question or two in this story, but without shoving anything down readers' throats, you know? I know, maybe, morally, it wasn't the right decision for her to be charged with manslaughter, but she did kill someone, and it was an accident, but it wasn't in self-defence or in combat. Therefore, I thought it adequate for her to at least get house arrest, and to be honest, that's a pretty lenient sentence imo. But anyway, it means a lot that you have an opinion about this and that this story hopefully inspired some kind of moral conscience, because that was something my recipient requested (this story was written for a swap for a dear friend of mine).
I'm really flattered you enjoyed this story, and thank you for the lovely reviews!
Soraya xxx Report Review
Hello again, Laurenzo7321 with your requested review!
Wow! Another amazing chapter. When I first started reading it, I was a little relieved. In your last chapter, I wasn't actually sure if Katie had done something to Lavender or not but now it's explained and she obviously thinks she has! I hope we get a little more information as to what actually happened though, it was kind of quick and hard to get what actually happened at the time. I'm guessing if she turns herself in though, that will come.
I thought you dealt with her reactions to what happened well. My only complaint is that I would have liked to have read more. The night after the battle for example would have been interesting. I'm guessing Katie wouldn't have got much sleep. The bits you did do though where beautifully written! The part by the grave was particularly well handled.
Oh Oliver Wood. I love him so much! He's so cute! I loved the conversation between him and Katie about their old Quidditch days, your really got the essence of their characters in a jokey way and it was really lovely to read.
I thought you did the sex scene well between the two of them. Oliver that little bit awkward and trying to be a gentleman.
But she's going to turn herself in! I really don't want her to, she's just got all happy with Oliver! I'm really hooked on this story, I can't wait to read more!
Lauren :)Author's Response: Hi!
I am really glad you enjoyed this chapter and that you went ahead and reviewed the next :D Another reviewer did actually ask about the Lavender thing, so I hope you weren't too confused! It was pretty quick, but it was meant to be because that was how Katie experienced it, too, so I figured it would make sense that way? Hmmm :/
I do think that's my issue with this story, too, that it's not full enough and doesn't fill in all the gaps. I want to write more, but I'm not sure :/ I might, I might not -- I totally get why you'd want to read her reactions in more detail, though, and will bear them in mind if I do decide to write more, so ta. :) I'm glad, anyway, that you thought the grave scene was well-handled! I honestly thought it was melodramatic in places, lol, so yay, you liked it :)
I love Oliver too! :D My recipient loves Oliver so I did try and do him justice through their conversation about Quidditch which was one of the lighter moments in the story. And yes, ha, Oliver would want to be the gentleman and may have been awkward, but only because he didn't want to take advantage of Katie -- especially since that was his reason for not kissing her back way before.
Thank you for the review, and I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter :)
Soraya xxx Report Review
Hello again! Thanks so much for re-requesting-I'm so happy you are finding my reviews somewhat helpful:)
Overall, I thought this was a really well written chapter that really got across all the feelings and emotions Katie had after the Battle of Hogwarts. You do an excellent job making her seem like a very real character. I'm not sure if this is just me, or if I'm not meant to know, but I was a little confused about the whole Katie killed Lavender thing. Are you going to expand on this point, or have a just stupidly missed a key factor in the story?
Anyway, confusion aside, I thought you wrote the aftermath of Lavender's death and all the rest very nicely. Your characterization of Katie is really, really good-and I love the raw emotions that you are able to show us, the inner conflict that she has. The scene at Lavender's grave was very sad and extremely well written (I'm risking sounding like a broken record here) and I could honestly feel Katie's pain. I loved the little descriptions you added in this scene, especially: ' Only a single yellow flower materialised, however, and she caught it, placed the paltry offering on the grave and stood.'
I really enjoyed reading Katie and Oliver's conversation about Quidditch-especially how they were reflecting on how they were both on the Gryffindor team, back at Hogwarts. It was a great way to briefly lighten in the mood in a chapter that is really quite dark and dangerous. The line: “God, I miss flying,” she said nostalgically' was perfect, because it was a great reminder of the Katie Bell we know from the books-the great Chaser who was only a year above Harry. I think my favourite bit, however, was this part: '“No, it’s not that. I… it doesn’t matter. I can’t wait — although you make sure not to sulk when I score goals.” The cheeky grin crept to her lips in her unconscious decision to play along, and he raised a brow, pretending to look annoyed.
“I’ll have you know, Miss Bell, that I never sulked. I was just very competitive. It’s called team spirit.”
“It’s called being a petulant little kid who doesn’t get what he wants, Wood,” she teased back. “Mind you, when Harry was Captain, he wasn’t quite as mad to win as you were. Maybe he was just too into Ginny for his own good.” That totally reminded me of the slightly maniacal Wood we know from the books! And I really like how you manage to put your own twist on these characters, while still sticking to canon.
I won't say much on the sex scene, apart from that I thought it was very well written, and it wasn't just a completely meaningless sex scene that you see so often in fanfiction these days. I liked the fact that Katie's emotions were still spilling out of her, and the memories of Leanne were in the back of her head the whole time. And I absolutely adore the chemistry between Katie and Oliver, and I can't wait to see where their relationship goes next.
Is Katie really going to turn herself in? And if she does, what will happen? I can't wait to see what happens next in this story-you have a great way of hooking in the reader and keeping them in suspense.
Courtney:)Author's Response: Hello again! :D
Firstly, I find your reviews so helpful! :) They mean a lot to me, so thank you.
Okay, I'm not quite sure what you mean by expanding on that point. Katie did kill Lavender, albeit under complicated circumstances. You'll find out more about if she decides to turn herself in or not in the next chapter, if that's what you meant? I don't think you've missed anything -- your questions will hopefully be answered in the last chapter :)
I'm so glad you like Katie as a character! In this chapter in particular, I'll admit I did struggle a tad, especially the scene at the grave, so it means a lot that you enjoyed it.
And that conversation was nice to write! I think because of the darkness in the story I wasn't able to have much flirtation -- intentional or unintentional -- so that was fun to write. Also, yes, I love maniacal!Wood :P
Hehehehe. I won't lie, the sex scene ate my soul, because I struggled a LOT with it. But it was fun, too, and I definitely enjoyed writing it (and wishing I was Katie, haha, because Oliver is smexy). I totally get what you mean about sex scenes in fanfiction, though -- but I hope you'll agree that they kind of deserved a bit of smut XD
I'm really glad you enjoyed this chapter on the whole. Thank you for the review!
Soraya xxx Report Review
Hi, Elphaba here again! I enjoyed this chapter. :)
I really like the Muggleborns-on-the-run plot development, and the way you've worked in the Creevys. There's a very nice blend of speculation and canon knowledge in your plot. I also like that helping others gives Katie something to do that isn't self-destructive. :)
Overall your grammar is great, but one double-negative stuck out: "After all, it wasn't like she didn't have any plans of her own." Did you mean that she didn't have any plans of her own?
One thing I would have liked to see is the actual dialog between Katie and Lisa about her family during dinner. Though, this is a great observation: "...the fact that this empty feeling was shared amongst the four of them made the weight on Katie's shoulders seem much lighter."
I liked the dialog between Katie and Colin, and also between her and Oliver. I especially liked the explanation for him living Puddlemere United -- it fits with his character and with the story overall, and, again, answers a question that had been rolling around in my mind. :)Author's Response: Hiya! :)
Yay, it makes me so happy to know you liked the Muggleborns on the run plot. I think I needed to give Katie something to live for, if that makes sense, and yeah, I guess it is speculation, but I do think it's plausible given the setting and what we do know about Muggleborns being in danger, etc.
OOH, I must have missed that! Thanks -- I will correct that as soon as I get a chance. I definitely didn't mean the double-negative, lol.
Mmm, I feel like I might have skimmed over stuff here, but honestly, the way I wrote this story was so weird -- the beginning, then the end and then the middle, so things are a bit... jumpy in places. Not that that's an excuse. But I'm glad you liked the observation -- you're right in that Katie basically just needed something that isn't self-destructive.
Oh, I liked writing the dialogue between Oliver and Katie! That was fun :) I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter -- thank you for the review.
Soraya xxx Report Review
Thanks for re-requesting a review, I really love this story! I'm so so sorry it has taken me so long to get around to it, RL has been a pain!
I thought the chapter as a whole was really well written, I loved that you filled in blank spots we don't get to see through following Harry around.
Oh, Fred Colin and Lavender's death. When I realised what Katie was going to find in the empty corridor you almost set me of crying! Fred's death was pretty much the worst for me. I really felt for Katie when she realised she didn't want to live through the battle, I was willing her to fight back! I'm so happy she came through in the end though.
Oliver's thoughts were so heart-wrenching to read. When he thinks he's failed, I just wanted to hug him! He's so so lovely. I really hope the war brings them closer!
This was such a great chapter, and while I don't mind so much it jumped on a few months I would have loved to hear more leading up to the battle and maybe seeing some of Katie's fighting. It's not really a criticism, i just enjoy this story so I want to read more of it!
One other thing, you have 'nbsp;' randomly at the top. I'm guessing it's just a formating error so thought I'd let you know :)
Well done on another great chapter!
Lauren :)Author's Response: Hiya!
No worries about taking a while -- RL always comes first :)
I'm really glad you thought the chapter was well written and that the deaths affected you so. That means a lot. :) I won't lie, I felt rather wibbly writing it, so I totally get that.
I was worried I was switching around a bit too much between Oliver's and Katie's perspectives, so yay to you liking Oliver's thoughts.
As for jumping forward a bit too abruptly -- I agree, and I will edit in another scene as soon as I can. I definitely thought something was missing, but writing this story was something I did in binges, lol, and I didn't write it in order or anything, hence why certain parts are slightly disoriented. I will try my best and change that, though. And I'll edit that thing out. Must be a HTML error. :)
Thank you for the review!
Soraya xxx Report Review
Hello, Elphaba back again. :)
I love that you opened the chapter with this particular flashback! It answered my questions about Oliver's feelings for Katie -- an old unrequited school crush that he'd buried until she popped back into his life.
I also like how the conversation between the two of them seems so natural, especially as she tells him about Leanne. I had wondered why she would be hanging out in muggle bars, and that is explained as she talks to him. You've clearly taken great care to ensure that everything fits together logically.
The one question I have now is about the timeline of the story. After Katie had to flee her flat to avoid the Snatchers that killed Leanne, I assume that she would have had to find a new flat. Would her current flat have had time to accumulate the clutter that is described in this chapter?
Once again, grammar, punctuation and spelling are clean. I'm enjoying this story, and will be back to read more!Author's Response: Hi again! :D
Yayy, it makes me so happy when I manage to answer someone's questions by what I write rather than what I say :) It is basically just that, an unrequited schoolboy crush that Oliver never quite got over. Things will get... interesting for them later, I can assure you :)
I really take pride in my dialogue -- it's one of the few things I think I'm good at in writing, so I'm glad you thought it was natural! I also didn't want to have a major info-dump, because I know I don't like reading that, so I thought it would be better if Katie's backstory was explained by Katie herself.
Okay, hmm, interesting question. Leanne was killed two weeks before the events of this chapter and last, and in that time, Katie did manage to find a new flat. I don't know about you, but I can make clutter appear in about five minutes, lol, especially if I've arrived somewhere new and have unpacked (read: spilled everything on the floor).
I'm really glad the SPaG is up to scratch -- as a grammar Nazi and with two lovely betas, I've tried my best with grammar and spelling, so thank you. :) Thank you also for the lovely review!
Soraya xxx Report Review
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review! Sorry, again, for being a bit late.
I think you get off to a fantastic start. I like that your opening sentence is short and to the point, and that you then elaborate in the next paragraph.
I also like the way that you subtly establish the time period by saying that she, "hadn't been to Hogsmeade in a long time, not after she had been cursed the year before." I think it's very cool that you chose this setting for your story, and I'm interested to see how the war affects both Oliver and Katie.
Katie's alcohol problem is definitely not so subtle, but I like the way you've handled it so far. She's obviously dealing with some heavy emotional issues at the moment, and I'm curious to see what has happened to get her to this point.
When I got to the part where Katie falls into Oliver's lap, I wondered whether she harbored some latent attraction to him, or if she was just accustomed to hooking up with random people. This: "Oliver wasn't some random Muggle in some trashy Muggle club" seemed to answer my question. I like that for her it is random -- it just seems to make more sense for the state she's in -- and that you took the care to establish this in the story.
The main question I'm left with at the end of this chapter is: was Oliver attracted to her to begin with? I get the sense from the way he remembers her at Hogwarts that he has been attracted to her from the beginning.
I didn't catch any grammar, punctuation or spelling issues, and so far you've got me hooked, so great job!Author's Response: Hiya! Sorry for the belated reply -- RL and stuff. (I seem to be saying that to a lot of reviewers lately -- ep.) And no worries, in turn, for your review being late; I'm just flattered you enjoyed it so much :)
I have a habit of beginning stories with "(Character Name) was (Verb)". I'm not sure what that says about me as a writer, lol, but I do like simplicity when writing.
The main reason I wanted to set it in Hogsmeade was because I wanted Katie to have gone to a pub since that was how she meets Oliver. But yes, I also am glad I chose Hogsmeade because of the connection of Katie being cursed and everything. Under normal circumstances, Katie probably wouldn't have wanted to go to Hogsmeade and would have no reason to, but she was drunk. Very drunk. :P
No, it's not subtle, but I'm really glad you liked how I handled it ;) that means a lot. I didn't want it to be gratuitous or a plot device, so I'm glad you thought it worked.
I think Katie probably was in the back of her mind attracted to Oliver, but yeah, it's more because she's drunk than anything :( She does have a tendency to hook up with random people, a habit that she does get out of eventually.
You've read the next chapter so I think that answers your Oliver question :)
Thank you for the review! Report Review
Hello again! Thanks for re-requesting:)
I have to admit, when I realized you'd jumped ahead four months, I was a little...confused, for lack of a better word. I really feel as though I could have benefited from another chapter before this one, leading up to the Battle of Hogwarts, one that maybe described Katie's feelings and actions as Voldemort spread terror around the country and as she helped Muggleborns and listened to Potterwatch etc, etc. Then again, I don't know where you're taking this story, and I only say that because I realize of become so invested in this story that I want to know more!
In saying that, this was an excellent chapter. Like seriously amazing. I actually found my eyes watering a little, especially at Fred and Colin's deaths (sob). I would've loved it, however, if you had extended the beginning slightly more-you know, about how Katie enters Hogwarts for the first time, goes to the Room of Requirement and meets up with her old friends. I really think that could add so much more tension to the chapter. I would also like to see a bit more of the fighting if that makes any sense.
I feel now as though I'm being way too harsh-and I don't mean to be, I promise. I just want to help improve an already fantastic chapter. Anyway, now onto the stuff you did super, super well!
The scene when Katie realized Fred was dead just broke my heart all over again-in the best possible way of course. I thought this bit: 'The salty sweat on her forehead trickled down into the slash on her cheek and the tiny cut that had formed on her lip, stinging hotly, and she started walking towards the nearest pile of rubble, her wand still raised. “Fred, look, the joke’s over. Come out"' was perfect. Not only did it describe the wounds Katie had sustained from the battle, but it sung tension and loss, and a horrible sense of foreboding came over me when I read it. And when Katie realized Fred was dead and not stunned...oh my goodness you worded it so perfectly! I liked the way you compared Fred's death to Leanne and Katie began to feel herself giving up. It was very nicely written, great work!
Oh god, when Oliver found Colin's body...it completely took me back to the books but I felt even more grief than I had done when I read Deathly Hallows. Also, because Oliver had helped out Colin in previous chapters, everything sort of clicked into place-especially the line: '“You know what? I think I can manage him alone, Neville*” from the book.
This was honestly amazing chapter and the end just tied everything together perfectly. I can't wait to see what happens next and how Katie's and Oliver's relationship develops further!
Courtney:)Author's Response: OMG, I am sooo sorry for taking so long to respond! D: Real life (that pesky thing that crops up from time to time) has really got in the way lately, so I apologise profusely.
Honestly, I totally get what you mean about the jump forward. I'm still struggling with writing an extra scene at the beginning, but I promise you, I will definitely be adding something to the beginning because I definitely agree that it needs something extra.
Yayay, I'm really glad this chapter touched you so much nevertheless! Yeah, there was a lot of sadness in it and a lot of angst, and yes, I plan on extending that scene a bit, so hopefully things will improve in that respect. Don't feel like you're being harsh! :) I totally need all the concrit I can get.
It makes me really happy that you're noticing all the details, because I really did like those lines, so I;m glad you liked it too.
And yeah, it was a tiny part of DH when Oliver and Neville carried Colin into Hogwarts, but it was still really sad :( I'm really flattered you enjoyed the chapter so much, and thank you so much for the review! Apologies for taking uber long to respond, though D:
Soraya xxx Report Review
Hey it's patronus_charm with your review :)
It was good that you put the timeframe in, because I often find it confusing if the story just suddenly jumps forward and you have no idea where it's set. It would have been nice, if you wrote a little more in detail about those 4 months, e.g. her thoughts and feelings, but it's only a minor thing!
I saw this randomnly towards the top - nbsp; - I think it may be a formatting error as that happens to me, it just looked weird!
No poor Fred, I thought it was good to include that. As the quidditch team were really close, so I always wondered how they were affected by the death of one of them.
It was horrible seeing Katie nearly give up, you just wanted to will her on, and say don't worry Harry does kill Voldemort. I thought that was written very well, as it made me want to cry as I hate seeing someone in such a bad way like Katie was. Then it was so lovely to see her want to carry on fighting, and when she said configro, I wanted to cheer for her that she got her strength back.
I thought that scene with Oliver and Colin was adorable. When I read it in the book, I thought there had been more to him just moving bodies, so it was nice to have a backstory. You write death so well, you're making me cry through out this whole chapter :'(
I thought this was a beautiful chapter, even though the main subject of it was death. I liked how you showed how deeply affected they were by Lavender's death, even though they didn't know her, it just shows what a bond war makes. I really enjoy reading this story so feel free to re-request when the next one's up, Kiana :)Author's Response: Hey! Sorry for taking so long to respond -- I've been laptop-less for a few days, and trying to even log on to HPFF is a pain in the bum when I'm on my phone.
Oh yeah, I definitely think that was something that bothered me, about the whole four months thing. I meant to fill it in a bit more, but I wasn't quite sure what to fill it in with, if that makes sense? I had a couple of scenes in mind but wasn't totally sure about it. I will definitely bear that in mind, though, and might write an extra scene.
Okay, I will edit that as soon as I can :) Also, yeah, I know, Fred's death is something that affected a lot of people, especially the Quidditch team. I'm glad you appreciated that. And it wasn't nice to write about Katie almost giving up, but I liked writing Katie finding some strength, though, even if she did kill someone in the process D:
Yay, I'm so glad you liked the scene between Oliver and Colin! There was definitely a lot more to the scene than just the two of them carrying bodies, yeah. And eep, sorry for making you cry :( But I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Anyway, thank you for the review and sorry sorry sorry for the grossly late reply D:
Soraya xxx Report Review
Hello :) Laurenzo7321 here with your requested review!
I thought this was another great chapter to your story!
I thought the beginning part was really poignant with the church. You then contrasted that with the image of her pressed against an ally with a stranger as she wanted the company. It was just very harsh and really effective.
So bringing the three muggle borns into the house is really interesting and I look forward to seeing how things go from here as it seems like it's going to be eventful. It was nice for Katie to have someone and even though she still drank, she seemed better to me. I had to smile at Colin being annoying though! I do feel sorry for the Creevy brothers though, their story is just as awful as Katie's really!
Your Katie and Oliver moments were great once again. The kind of awkwardness you create between them at the start was fun to read. But when he came back it was lovely to see them having a nice conversation with Katie fairly sober! I'm sorry I repeat this in every review but your Oliver is just too sweet and cute, I love him! I just want to keep him haha! I felt so sorry for him giving up Quidditch!
Hmm so things seem to be looking up slightly. Another lovely chapter and I look forward to reading more!
LaurenAuthor's Response: Hi again!
Thank you for the review :) I'm really glad you liked the beginning and the setting -- long story short, I go to a Catholic school and had to go to Christmas Mass (though I myself am not Catholic or even Christian), so that was a little sneaky self-insertion/life-insertion there :3 But yes, I'm glad you caught the contrast there :)
Yayyy, I'm really happy you liked the three Muggleborns going to stay with Katie. I wanted Katie to do something good for a change, something that would keep her going. Having people stay with her was the way I think she could have something to live for again.
Haha, yes, Colin is still annoying, but to be fair, I think he had a right to be angry considering what a hard time he was going through. And hehe, I do love Oliver :3 Yeah, it was nice that they had a conversation where Katie wasn't off her face or anything, lol. Don't apologise -- that kind of comment makes me smile so much! :D
Thank you so much for the lovely review!
Soraya xxx Report Review
Good to hear from you again :P
Alright, so this story - no Leanne anymore. Did she die? Has the war claimed her life here which has now pushed Katie back into her self destructive spiral. It fits with what we know of Katie from your other story. She knows the black market and she knows ways to get her fix. I think you've handled keeping her true to what we know of her in both stories which is great. I like her so far and i think there is a lot of development that can come from her so that is very exciting.
Your flow is fine. The only thing i found mildly distracting was the changes of POV. I think the transition from on POV to the other could be a bit smoother. It might make the first chapter seem more consistent with its tone and flow.
Oliver characterization... i have a lot of questions about him at the moment, mostly why he chose to stop Quidditch. I think his backstory will need to be addressed at some point because at the moment i find it way to unbelievable that he'd stop playing only a few years out of school. This is mostly because the main thing we know of him is his obsession with the sport and his intensity. I like how his obsession has sort of been transferred to the war but i'd really love to see that sort of characteristics come into play as the story develops. I do think he was a caring person and wouldn't just leave things alone so having him care for Katie wasn't weird because they were friends at Hogwarts i can only assume as they were on a team together. However I did find it a little odd that he already has feelings for her. It's not a normal reaction to a girl who's drunk out of her mind and clearly a huge mess. It seemed a bit too quick that he was already feeling fire from her touch. Unless he had a thing for her at Hogwarts as well.
Her alcoholism, I think it's generally well handled. There were times that she seemed to reason too logically for her state and it seemed like her speech and thought process weren't being consistent. If you're that drunk you speech would be slurred like hers was (she may even swear like crazy which she does, especially if it's someone she's familiar with) but her thought process would especially be messed up as well. Things would be foggy and unclear and putting two thoughts together, although obviously possible would take effort on her part. I like however how at the end she claims she hasn't a problem and it makes me think of all those people who say the same thing and believe they can really stop at any time and what they are doing now is only temporary.
What else i'd really like to see in this chapter is some timeline. Since Oliver and Katie aren't characters you read about everyday i don't think many are incredibly clear on their timeline, or even their year. It would be great just to be able to place this story during a specific time in the war. How many years has Katie been out of school? Or Oliver? I think that would help ground the story in canon more anyway.
I did enjoy the start of this story however and i think you have a really interesting start. I really like war stories and exploring how it might have been for minor characters. These are my favourite stories so i think you've got a really interesting start for sure! Thank you so much for requesting me and I hope you found this review helpful! :P
-zayneAuthor's Response: Hi again! :) Long time no see :D
Okay, questions first. You will find out more about Leanne in the next chapter (should you choose to read it :) ). And yayyy, I am so so happy you picked up on Katie's knowledge of the black market/generally dodgy things bearing in mind what happened in Flicker and Fail -- I didn't set out to write a sequel to this when my recipient requested Katie/Oliver, but I wasn't sure how it would work without Katie/Leanne :P
The flow -- ooh, that's a good point, about POVs. I will definitely bear that one in mind for the future. The beginning of this chapter closely resembles the beginning of my OF novel in progress (just in terms of wording and things), so any feedback is greatly welcomed. I agree the POV changes are often abrupt so I will work on that.
You will find out more about Oliver's backstory in the next chapter ;) I understand that it might not be the most in character thing to do, but you'll see why he is who he is later on, again, should you wish to continue the story. :) And I've hinted here that he has feelings towards her -- that's explained more in the next chapter, too.
Yes, ha, a few people have commented on that. My, erm, only excuse is that this isn't from Katie's first person viewpoint, so while the dialogue might be slurred/unclear, her thought process wouldn't be. That's more because I wanted to translate her thoughts clearly to the reader more than anything. And yes, I do think that Katie would be in denial -- maybe she's not really an alcoholic but just in mourning more than anything. You will find out more later ;)
Okay, timeline: this is set the year after Katie has left Hogwarts -- i.e. what would have been Harry's seventh year at Hogwarts. It's during Christmas of that year. Perhaps I should put that in my author's notes -- I thought it sounded clunky whenever I tried to insert it into the story itself.
Yay, it means so much that you enjoyed this! I do love my minor characters, and I also love war stories, which is why I like writing them. Thank you for the lovely review! :)
Soraya x Report Review
Thanks for re-requesting! I'm really enjoying this story so far.
I honestly can say that I think this was your best chapter yet. Katie's characterization is coming over great and I enjoyed the introduction of Colin, Lisa and Dennis.
I really enjoyed the church scene at the very beginning of the chapter. The first paragraph was a nice introduction to what was to come and also a reminder of what had been. For me, it sort of felt like things are slowly-very slowly-going to start getting better. Maybe only little pieces at a time, but I think Katie will eventually regain control of her life. I especially liked this line: 'It was not one she recognised, but she smiled nevertheless and watched as a couple in the very back row grasped hands and exchanged a look. The woman leaned forward and whispered something in the man’s ear, and he smiled back just as she lay her head on his shoulder' because I feel it really summed up what Katie was feeling.
I thought the mention of Katie going to the Muggle club to 'paint over the hole that had formed in her heart' was a nice touch, and the line: 'sobriety had painfully kicked in sometime after midday, and she hadn’t had the energy, nor the money, to buy another drink, so she waited until she had reached somewhere isolated before turning on the spot and Apparating into her flat' also worked really well. You really have a knack for making everything feel so real, and relatable to the reader.
As I said before, I liked the introduction of Colin, Lisa and Dennis. It made a nice change, having some other characters for Katie to interact with and also reminded me of the dark and dangerous times in which this story is set. That Colin and the others had been staying at Lee Jordan's and now needed a new safe house to stay at was a very good idea to include as it really showed that everyone-not just Katie-is going through a rough time. I also liked that you used relatively minor characters-especially Lisa Turpin-because we don't know a lot of them, and that you gives you freedom to invent and characterize which is always great fun.
The argument between Katie and Colin was very real and fit just right with the mood of the chapter. I think it's easy, like Colin did, to forget that you are not the only one with problems. And the line '“He just seems like the type of boy to piss you off"' was just perfect. It definitely took me back to the Chamber of Secrets, when Colin was introduced and annoyed Harry to know end.
The conversation between Katie and Oliver was perfect and sweet. The details of Katie adding too much milk to the tea was very nice-I felt like she was making an effort, but it had clearly been a while since she had MADE an effort.
I can't wait to see where you take this story next!
Courtney:)Author's Response: Hello! :D
Wow, that means so much that this is your favourite chapter so far :) (I personally prefer the fifth chapter *coughbecauseofthesmutcough* but still, yayyy.)
I'm not Catholic or even Christian -- I'm Muslim, actually -- but I go to a Catholic school, so I have to go Mass a couple of times a term. When writing this chapter, I had just gone to Christmas Mass, so that was a moment of kind-of-but-not-quite self-insertion there :3 And I'm glad you liked that line! I wanted to show Katie's longing for a bit of normality amongst all the awfulness in her life, so it means a lot that you picked up on that :)
It made me quite sad to write about Katie going to a Muggle club. She basically wanted to forget everything and have some free drinks on top of that. I'm really flattered you thought it was relatable and real to you. :)
One of my betas, who had read the whole thing in about one and a half hours (I love her so much for that), mentioned that the subplot of Colin, Dennis and Lisa was a bit -- extraneous, so I'm glad you liked my introduction of those characters. And yes, definitely; everyone is going through a rough time.
Phew! I was worried the argument between Colin and Katie was a bit wangsty, so yay! Colin was a bit annoying in CoS, but hey, he was only eleven. I know *I* was way more annoying at eleven. He's a good guy, really ;)
Awww, yes, I put in the bit about tea for a good reason. I think tea says a lot about people -- and I realise that sounds a bit weird, lol, but I think it is true, especially considering they're both British and everything XD
Thank you for the lovely review! :)
Soraya xxx Report Review
Hey it's patronus_charm again, I got round to reading the rest of your story today, and I'm really glad I did as I thought this was a really original story which I thoroughly enjoyed.
On chapter 2 one major thing I would change is the size of the font, by increasing it so it matches the same size as the other chapters, as I was straining my eyes by the end of it so I could read it.
I can now understand why Wood left Puddlemere, and I thought that was really brave and courageous for him to give up on his life long. I really liked how he hid the muggleborns, and it was almost as if it helped reform Katie as well by doing so, as it showed her that others were suffering as well and it wasn't just her.
I liked the Katie and Leanne backstory, I generally don't read much slash due to it being highly unbelievable most of the time. However I felt that you covered their relationship very well, and realistically and you couldn't help but want to cry over Leanne's death even though we barely knew her in the books.
I thought Katie's alcoholism was handled well, one thing I would have done differently was perhaps set the story a little while after Leanne's death, as then I feel Katie being an alcoholic would be a little more believable, as it may have just been a short term thing as it was only 2 weeks after her death.
Wah, sorry if this review is grammar/typo ridden, I just loved this story and wanted to get all my thoughts done before I forgot them, and I'm far too lazy to proof read it first! Kiana :DAuthor's Response: Hello again! :D
Yes, oh God, I need to fix that D: I realised it pretty much as soon as I posted, so yes, I will go and edit that. Thank you :)
I'm glad that was explained! Yeah, Oliver had to leave Puddlemere, and of course it was brave and courageous of him -- he is a Gryffie after all :D
Hmm, I adore slash, but yes, it's often hard to find a well-characterised slash story, especially when one or both halves of the pair are canonically paired with someone else. I'm really glad you felt I covered their relationship well -- if you're interested, Flicker and Fail is a more thorough exploration of their relationship. I'm incredibly flattered that, even though you never actually see her in the story, Leanne's death resonated so much to you emotionally. That means a lot.
I see what you mean about Katie. That's the thing -- maybe she isn't an alcoholic, per se, just someone who gets very drunk and for a good reason, too. It could be a short term thing, yeah. You will have to see ;)
Thank you so much for the lovely review! The next chapter is in the queue :D
Soraya xxx Report Review
Hey it's patronus_charm with your review!
Wow, when you mentioned alcoholism I just assumed it would be Oliver who was the achoholic, this was a definite 360 degree turn from the usually sweet Katie. I think it was a good turn though as she's a rather unexplored character so I'm glad you decided to give her hidden depths!
I found it a bit unbelievable that Wood - quidditch fanatic - would leave a professional quidditch team in order to work at The Hogs Head instead. Other than that I thought he was a very believable character, the way he insisted on taking care of Katie I thought was spot on.
I thought you handled Katie's alcohol issues very well, you could definitely believe it could happen. I think it worked so well, because of the paragraph at the end when she was talking about all the things the alcohol would make her forget which showed how it could have lead to her downward spiral.
I was a little unsure on the timeframe of this story it was only when Oliver mentioned about the snatchers that it became clear to me whe it was set, so maybe more clarity on that issue would be better!
I liked how you developed the beginning of their relationship. Thos subtle clues such as Wood lying that he didn't want her, are great as it creates more of suspense about when they both realise they like each other.
I thought the ending was great as well, that last bit about Leanne was great because it made you wonder what had occured between the two. I certainly wouldn't have guessed slash, so it was really good that you left it open to all possibilities!
Overall I thought it was really good, I didn't spot any grammar and spelling errors (unlike the many you will probably find in my review!) and I thought your characterization was great! Good job, Kiana!Author's Response: Hello! :D
Oooh, I didn't think of that! Yeah, I think it's reasonable to assume that Oliver was the alcoholic, not Katie. I'm still not really sure if Katie is an alcoholic, per se, as she *is* grieving, after all. Anyway, I'm glad you liked the depth I gave Katie's character ;)
I see your question has been answered in the next chapter :) Though I do agree that, under normal circumstances, it wouldn't be quite like that -- I doubt he would be working in The Hog's Head when he could be playing Quidditch :P And yayyy, I'm so glad Oliver's getting such positive reception so far!
I'm very much reassured that you thought I did a good job handling the issue of alcoholism, so thank you. :) And yeah, a couple of people have mentioned the timeframe -- I agree that it might have been difficult to understand but I'm glad it became clearer. This is set in the Christmas of 1997, the Christmas that would have been Harry's seventh year if it wasn't for Voldemort.
And I'm really glad you liked the development of their relationship, even here. Oliver definitely has feelings for her, hehe. As for Katie... well, you'll see :)
I didn't see any grammar errors in your review! I am a grammar nut, though, so that's probably why :) Thank you for the lovely review! Report Review
Hi, I'm here with your requested review. I do apologize for the lateness of it.
Katie Bell/Oliver Wood has always been one of my favourite ships and there aren't nearly enough of them, so I was very please when you requested a review for this story.
I felt that your characterization of Oliver was spot on. Reading the first paragraph, he felt very realistic to me and extremely canon in behavior. I liked the bit about Oliver working at the bar. I had never really given much thought to what happened to the Quidditch teams during the Second Wizarding War, so that was interesting to read about.
I was a bit confused though as to when during the war this set. At first I thought that it was after the Battle of Hogwarts but then I thought that it was set during the war.
I thought that you wrote drunk Katie, very well. I've attempted to do that but I never really succeeded.
The only thing I noticed was that in the beginning Katie was rather incoherent due to the alcohol. However, back at her flat she seemed quite logical when she was thinking Oliver which didn't seem very characteristic.
Overall though, I really enjoyed it and I'm definitely going to check out the next few chapters. Feel free to re-request for another chapter.
CharlieAuthor's Response: Hello! :D Thank you for the review. I adore Katie/Oliver, too, mostly because of my recipient's story featuring them (it was her love for the pairing as well as her fabulous story that inspired me to write this one). I just think they work so well together. :)
Yay to you liking Oliver's characterisation! Oliver's job at The Hog's Head is more fully explained in the coming chapters, actually. I'm glad you liked it, anyway.
Okay, this story begins during Christmas of 1997, the Christmas before the Battle (so basically the Christmas of what would have been Harry's seventh year at Hogwarts). I hope that makes sense.
Haha, I have a good teacher to thank for the drunkenness :P I am really glad you liked drunk!Katie. Also, I understand your concerns about Katie's incoherence -- my only, er, excuse is that it is the narrative, really, and not Katie herself speaking, hence why she is a little more logical.
Anyway, thank you for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed this :) Report Review
One of the best I've read. You're a good storyteller.Author's Response: Thank you so much :D I'm really glad you're enjoying the story. Updates will come soon! Report Review
Hey! I stumbled across this story on the Reviews Offered forum and am so glad I did... Dark!Oliver Wood is highly underrated.
I love the opening scene you've set up. The juxtaposition of Christmastime and the usual warmth of Hogsmeade with the cold, quiet atmosphere of the War is beautiful. I really sympathize with Katie already; I'm eager to see how she interacts with Oliver after dealing with a breakup with another woman.
Within the first two sentences of Oliver's scene, I love your characterization of him. He's always seemed highly suspicious and paranoid in the books--mostly about Quidditch--but I love that you've transferred it to his views on the war. And that he now works at the Hog's Head...brilliant! I've never read a story in which Oliver did anything but play Quidditch professionally, so this is a really nice and unique twist.
Katie's drunken speech, and her incapability to say "patronizing" is really darkly humorous. I can't explain it; like something you would see happening to somebody and feel like you were supposed to laugh but be full of sadness.
So good to read that Oliver is the kind of decent person to help her home and not expect anything out of it. So does she live in a Muggle flat then, with the key reader and all? I kind of wanted it to be a magical one, although that's entirely a matter of opinion. :)
One thing that stuck out to me was that she is so incredibly trashed, yet has that really cohesive inner monologue about Oliver not deserving when she threw herself at him. It's a little jarring to see her thinking so logically when beforehand she couldn't even pronounce her words correctly. Maybe simplify it into more drunken ramblings, or save it until she sobers up in the morning? That's my only real criticism though.
I laughed at Oliver's description of his flat. Poor guy. But oh my gosh, Katie is so pitiful. I sincerely feel remorse for her; you make her pain so real and so pathetic (I mean that as a compliment, really.) It's almost hard to read. Interesting that she says alcohol isn't an addiction. It would change her character entirely if this wasn't something she did every night, and I think that's something that readers will definitely need to know early on, in order to formulate a proper image of her.
Wow. This was really great work, I'm glad I stumbled across this story. I'm adding to my favorites so that I can keep up with it. Nicely done!Author's Response: Hello! :D
To be perfectly honest, I've always thought it a little strange that to get any in depth reviews, you generally have to request them, so it means a lot to me that you stumbled across my story and enjoyed it enough to leave such a lovely, thoughtful review :)
Katie is in a really dark place right now, so it's difficult to say (without spoiling, haha) how she'll interact with Oliver, but I can say for certain that they'll develop a friendship and that Oliver basically becomes Katie's confidante. My recipient likes angsty stories, so I thought it would be good to set it in a time and place which was dangerous and dark -- and what better time and place than The Hog's Head at Christmastime when Voldemort's taken over? :D
Yay, I'm really glad people seem to be liking Oliver! I won't lie; I rather love him myself, so it makes me so happy that you think he's in character. You'll find out later why he's working in The Hog's Head, btw.
Lol, the drunk speech is credited entirely to a friend of mine who gave me drunken dialogue advice on another story. The trick, she said, was to get the drunk person to poke the sober person in the chest, slur their words, etc., so I'm glad you thought it worked.
Yes, she does live in a Muggle flat, but the reasons for that are explained more in the next chapter :) To be honest, I would have liked her to be in a magical flat, but I'm wondering how that would work, really -- like, would the whole block be full of wizards? I just took the easy option, hehe.
I see where you're coming from about Katie being so drunk and yet with the rather sober inner voice. My reasoning behind that is probably because (and I am totally guessing here, since I don't drink or anything) drunkenness has highs and lows where you feel more or less drunk, so this was one of her slightly more sober moments? I did have her acting a little sober at least by her sensing tat she was being watched, so that's kind of my excuse, lol. I do see what you mean, though.
Yes, poor Oliver. I would happily allow him to stay with me anytime, lol. And yeah, writing that about Katie made me pretty wibbly. It was hard to write so I can imagine it was probably hard to read. But I am so glad you liked her characterisation :)
Thank you so much for the wonderful review! The next two chapters are up -- unless of course you'd prefer for me to request formally from you? In which case I probably won't request for a couple of days (schoolwork and stuff) but anyway, I hope you enjoyed this so far and that you continue to enjoy it in the next two chapters, should you wish to go on with the story. ;)
Soraya xxx Report Review
Hello again! I am so glad you requested because I am really enjoying this story so far:)
I liked the way you began this chapter, with the flashback in Oliver's point of view. I thought it was a nice touch that he's clearly had feelings for Katie for quite some time, but hasn't really known what to do about them, because of the age difference. The way you wrote the flashback was also great-I could really sense what Oliver was thinking and feeling, especially the line 'She was only fifteen after all, it wasn't proper of him, not at all.'
You have a great writing style-somehow you make everything so realistic and I can really put myself in the character's shoes. Also, Oliver's thought processes in the first few chapter worked really well-I like the fact that he asks himself questions such as 'Why was Katie Bell wandering around' and 'Why had she been so off her face' because it means that the reader also asks themselves these questions-and when they are answered, it creates a bigger impact.
I said this in the previous chapter, but I'll say it again: I really do enjoy the little details that you add to your story. It really helps me understand Katie's life, and why she acts the way she does. I especially liked the paragraph that began with this sentence: 'Knocking softly, he opened the door to Katie's room, trying to make as little noise as possible' because it was so detailed and well written, which slowed the pace of the chapter down and made it much more enjoyable to read. Speaking of pace, however, I felt as though the next paragraph, the one about Oliver going back to his flat was a little fast. It was just all very sudden-Oliver was at Katie's, then suddenly at his...but this is just me nitpicking.
I really enjoy the interactions between Katie and Oliver. Katie especially seems like SUCH a real person, and I feel really connected to her already, even though I'm only two chapters in! I like the way she and Oliver contrast each other in this chapter-how Oliver seems so calm and collected (at least on the outside) while he attempts to make her tea, and all Katie says is;'I could murder some wine, though.” (I love that line by the way.)
The mystery and darkness of this story is great! A lot of my questions were answered in this chapter, such as what had happened to Leanne, and I really feel for Katie now, knowing what she's gone through. I think what I find particularly interesting about your story is that it is set during Harry's seventh year, as we don't see many fanfictions written during this time-from minor characters points of view, anyway-so well done on thinking up such an original idea! I just hope (as I keep reading) I will get to ask more and more questions, like I did in this chapter.
Finally, I want to say that I loved the last paragraph. I could totally understand Katie's motives-she's just poured her heart out to Oliver, then kicked him out of her flat. She is clearly going through a horrible time, and are doing a great job making me feel connected to her!
Courtney:)Author's Response: Hello! :D
I'm so glad you're enjoying this story! My beta asked me to indicate that Oliver had feelings for Katie, and I'm really glad I did that, because it was always in my head canon, just not necessarily translated into the story.
Yayyy to you liking my writing style! :) Sometimes I feel third person is a bit limiting in that I can't always put across a character's thought processes, so it makes me really happy that you still enjoyed it in that respect and that you thought I could convey Oliver's feelings okay.
Yeah, I know what you mean about the bit where Oliver goes to his and comes back to Katie -- I might take a second look at that again, so thank you :) And I'm really flattered you think Katie was such a real person. That means a lot. Hahahaha, in this story, a lot of tea is made. Not all of it is drunk and lots of it is spilt, lol. I'm glad you liked that line, too.
Wow, you thought this story was original? That is the highest compliment ever ;) Thank you. And that last paragraph was painful, lol, because I really wanted to make things angsty, but not cartoonishly so, if that makes sense.
Anyway, thank you for the lovely review and I'm glad you're enjoying the story.
Soraya Report Review
I'm back for another review :)
For starters, you seem to have switched narrator from chapter one and chapter two. Both chapters are written in third person limited point of view, but the first chapter portrayed Katie's thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and the beginning of the second chapter focuses on Oliver's thoughts, feelings, and emotions (the second half of the chapter is from Katie's point of view). You may want to choose only one perspective to write from, or include "Oliver's Point of View," for example, at the beginning of each chapter to avoid reader confusion.
Also, it seems a little strange that Katie would spill such an ominous, personal secret with Oliver, whom she had barely spoken to since their Hogwarts years. They evidently hadn't kept in touch and were, in theory, almost complete strangers.
Let's just say that I was not expecting that sort of secret to be Katie's source of distress. It certainly was an original idea. I was just wondering, why would Katie kiss Oliver if she was still mourning the loss of Leanne. I feel that she would guard her heart more closely from that point forward instead of wearing it on her sleeve.
Just out of curiosity, what prompted you to insert the horizontal bar where you did? I was a little confused because it doesn't seem to represent a gap in time from one event to the next.
I noticed a few minor spelling and grammar mistakes, but they did not retract from the overall story.
Wonderful job!Author's Response: Hi again!
Okay, someone else mentioned this, but a line was used to indicate the change in POV. I personally think it's quite sloppy to write "Oliver's Point of View" -- I've never seen that in OF or anything, and I don't think I would want to. I wanted to show both perspectives. Apologies if it was confusing.
Hmmm, yes, it might be strange for Katie to spill something like that to Oliver, but considering how lonely she was and the fact that she hasn't told anyone else, I think it was natural that Oliver was her confidante. And the reason Katie kissed Oliver was mostly because she was drunk. She probably did have some feelings for him, but she definitely wouldn't have kissed him if she wasn't drunk.
The horizontal bar was how I indicated the change in POV -- I think it's more effective, personally. Also, the story is still in third person limited; it's just that the POVs switch in between, with a horizontal bar.
Thank you for the review! Report Review
Hi there! It's Voldy Needs a Hug from the forums with your requested review. I apologize for my tardiness (why in the world is there such a thing as midterms). Anyway, here is your review:
This fanfiction certainly has an interesting premise and is quite original, based solely on this chapter. To be completely honest, I haven't read a story from Katie's perspective...ever, so I found this one to be intriguing, and also a bit refreshing from the same old, boring cliches. You also have an interesting writing style, which I really enjoy.
You talk about quite a few real life problems in this chapter, most notably, alcohol addiction. Real life issues such as these can be extremely hard to incorporate into writing, but I must admit that you were fairly successful. I do, however, feel that the stash of liquor beneath Katie' bed was a bit...excessive for a lack of a better word. She already had quite a bit to drink, and, in her discombobulated state, would have probably been unable to retrieve the bottle and actually drink any of its contents. This did, however, make me wonder why Katie was drinking and what she was trying to forget.
For some reason, I had always picture both Katie and Oliver playing for professional Quidditch teams. This certainly opened my eyes to an entire realm of different possibilities regarding what their futures may have entailed.
In this chapter, I would have liked a bit more of a backstory, especially regarding why Oliver was no longer playing for a professional team and what Katie had done with her life after she left Hogwarts. Not much information is provided about either of these characters in the series, so I was interested to learn what had occured between their Hogwarts graduation and the events that are currently taking place. And why is Oliver working at the Hogs Head?
Lastly, the cursing seemed a bit unnecessary in places. In ordinary conversation, it would be unusual for someone to curse so frequently, especially when conversing with almost a total stranger.
Overall, I found no major spelling, grammar, or punctuation mistakes. Your flow was excellent and your transitions were flawless. The plot was both interesting and moved at a steady pace, keeping readers' interest.
Spectacular job!Author's Response: Hiya! No worries about the tardiness, and apologies for *my* tardiness, lol. School is mad!
Katie/Oliver stories are, sadly, few and far between, which is why I had to bring some Katie love to HPFF :D I'm really glad you liked my writing style and that you thought it was uncliched.
Hmm, the stash under her bed might have been excessive but that was only really because Katie felt the constant need to forget. If she drank until she blacked out, at least she was less likely to have nightmares. And yeah, she had had a lot to drink, which was why she had difficulty retrieving the bottle and actually drinking it in the first place. I see what you mean, though I'm glad I got you wondering about why Katie was drinking -- more has been explained, as you've seen, in the next chapter, as well as the reasons for Oliver working in the Hog's Head and so on ;)
Under normal circumstances, yeah, it would be unnecessary for them to swear, but Katie was drunk, and Oliver was frustrated. That's my excuse, anyway, haha. They're not total strangers, just they haven't seen each other in a couple of years, that's all.
Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thank you for the review!
Hi! I'm here from the forums with your review. Sorry for being a bit slow about it. :)
I know you said that this had a little slash in it, but it didn't play a huge role in this chapter. It was quite subtle, which is good, because the main focus is Oliver/Katie.
On a whole, this chapter was very well-written and flowed nicely. I like how you've taken an awkward time and shown two characters that sort of disappear after they graduate. The emotions seem real and not at all maudlin; Katie's drinking problem is justified by the horrible things that have happened to her.
Lovely job! Keep up the good work!
~UnluckyStar57Author's Response: Hiya! It's fine -- I've been busy myself which is why I've been a bit slow replying. Sorry about that! Anyway, I'm really glad you liked this, that you thought it was well written and flowed nicely.
Yes, it is definitely an awkward time for Hogwarts students after they leave school -- obviously Katie hasn't been able to find work because of the issues with Leanne. Anyway, it means a lot to me that the emotions are genuine to you and that Katie's drinking problem is justified -- thank you for the review!
Soraya Report Review
Hello :) just filling in your requested review!
Another great chapter here! I love your Oliver so bad - I just want to keep him! He's so sweet and lovely and clearly has feelings towards Katie but is being such a gentleman. It's so great to see.
The beginning was great - I loved your little flash back. It really set the scene and confirmed for me anyway that there are clearly some pent up feelings there for Oliver.
Oh poor Katie! I feel so much for her! What happened is just so awful - no wonder she's beating herself up about it. I just hope Oliver will be able to help fix her. It's really sad to see that she's having to turn to the booze all the time. You're really handling the situation well so far though.
The one bit of CC I would give was that I found it a bit confusing with the change in perspective. I think though it was mainly as you'd put the line in to show you were doing it. When I see a line though I automatically just expected the time to be jumping on if that makes sense? For the scene to change. That's probably why I found it so confusing but once I realised what was happening I got back into it. Maybe the line isn't the best way to distinguish though? Just something to think about :)
You really have caught my interest with this story though. It's a really great read so far! I really hope you re-request again for future chapters!
LaurenAuthor's Response: Hi there! :D
I'm so glad you still like Oliver. He is very sweet, yeah, and I love him to bits myself. And yeah, I think I needed a flashback just to show that Oliver had deep-rooted feelings for Katie that went back years -- pent up feelings, yes.
Katie... the storyline with her is rather sad, yeah :( I won't say if Oliver is able to fix her or not -- it's a difficult situation to be in, really, especially with the drink and everything. But yay to handling things well!
Hmm, a couple of other people have mentioned the POV change, but honestly, there wasn't really any other way I could indicate this -- and I did want both of their perspectives for this scene. So I don't think I'll change it, purely because I don't really have an alternative, but I will bear in mind making transitions smoother, so ta. :)
Thank you for the lovely review and apologies for the late response! Much appreciated :)
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