Reading Reviews for Frozen Waters
  
15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Rumbleroar goes roar Sinking

19th September 2013:
Wow I really liked the urgency at the end of this chapter. It's made me really want to read on!
And I don't think it matters that there isn't much magic; magic is still mentioned so immediately the connection to HP universe is there.
And I really liked the flow of conversation when he was asking if she believed in magic. Very nice!
Though I've only read two chapters, I really get a feel of who these characters are. Excited to read on later :)

Author's Response: I swear I will get the third and final chapter up soon! Thank you very much for leaving another review and for appreciating my writing, it really means a lot :)

 Report Review

Review #2, by Rumbleroar goes roar Sailing

19th September 2013:
Wow what an interesting plot! Very original! The writing flows really smoothly in this chapter and I'm already excited to read more about the characters. Nice job :)

Author's Response: Yay, an unexpected review! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment, I'm really glad that you like the characters :)

 Report Review

Review #3, by Jchrissy Sinking

6th April 2013:
You! You are a naughty author for leaving me at this! You understand that, right? Okay. I'm going to try and back up and review this form the start before I start saying HOW COULD YOU LEAVE US LIKE THAT.

*rewinds*

I really enjoyed the private moment that they shared on the deck. And even more than that, I LOVED your decision not to have Jeremy spill his darkest secret just yet. Well, not dark, but you know what I mean. It wouldn't have been bad, but it would have felt too soon. I wouldn't have felt like I'd gotten a chance to see what they did to deserve this kind of honesty with one another, but then you gave me that by the end of the chapter so that made me even MORE thrilled that you've held off on spilling the wizard secret.

Mathilda is really likeable. Elizabeth is too, but in a different way. Mathilda is just very sweet and I want to hug her. Elizabeth I want to be bffs with :P.

My heart sunk when the knock came at the door. We knew what it would be for, but that doesn't mean it made it any easier to accept. I really believed there for a moment that everything could go off without a hitch. Mathilda could get into the lifeboat and Jeremy would portkey or apparate or something him and Elizabeth away. No my stomach is in knots and I'm going to need you to finish the next chapter quickly so I know that they're okay!

Really lovely chapter, your writing was some of the best I've read of yours in this.



Author's Response: Oh, I do understand, yes. *cackles* I'M SORRYYY!

I'm so happy you liked the moment on the deck -- I was afraid it'd be too soon. Jeremy is a good boy, he knows he's not allowed to say anything about the magical world.

Hug Mathilda all you want, she deserves it! I really didn't want to make her too bland, if that makes sense, which is why I included the scene with Elizabeth.

Well, Jeremy couldn't apparate if he's not allowed to break the status of secrecy, could he? (Also, this is for a challenge and I'm not allowed to include Apparition or Portkeys, so...)

I'm going to post chapter 3 very soon, I promise! Thank you for your lovely review Jami &hearts !


 Report Review

Review #4, by Ron 4 Hermione Sinking

5th April 2013:
I can't wait for the next chapter! I love this story and I'm hoping that Mathilda, Elizabeth and Jeremy all survive and live happily ever after, but somehow I don't think that'll happen!

Aww, that's so sad! I love the line "And with that, I know that I cannot." I should stop being such a sucker for romance but you write this really well and I just want them to be happy! I'm glad she jumped after her sister though, and I wonder if he'll jump after her? I could just imagine the "high-pitched, animalistic scream", and her looking over the railiing and seeing her sister!

I love how, at the start, he almost slipped up and said muggle, I'm going to guess ministry work? It must be hard, to be surround by muggles and knowing you can't say anything you know and normally say! Poor Jeremy!

Another great chapter, can't wait for the next one! :)

Author's Response: Hi you!

Well, to be entirely honest with you, I still haven't written chapter three yet, but I do know where this is going. MY LIPS ARE SEALED (I am very tempted to tell you though).

I'm a sucker for romance too, just so you know. I was afraid that line would be too dramatic, so I'm really happy you liked it!

Haha, you picked up on the slip! Jeremy is in the Quidditch industry, actually, but other than that, you're completely correct -- he keeps forgetting who Elizabeth really is, and what he's allowed to tell her or not.

I'm hoping to get chapter three up soon! Thank you for yet another of your lovely reviews :)


 Report Review

Review #5, by MissMdsty Sinking

3rd April 2013:
Val are you trying to give me a heart attack or something? How could you do this to Mathilda?

I loved this chapter! The moment between them on deck was perfect! Everything just fell into place and she started to open up! It was so sweet!

"A proper young lady does not question, does not create, and most particularly does not think," - then we are not and shall never be proper ladies!

I like the way in which you write this whole early 1900s style society. It's so different from our own and yet you capture its spirit beautifully. I am on the edge of my seat, waiting for the next chapter! I do hope they all have a happy ending!

Excellent chapter dear! :D (oh and by the way, I have a little surprise for you in chapter 11 of "Twin Wands" :D)

Author's Response: Heehee -- I'm not actually sure yet of what happens to her!

I'm so happy you think they're sweet, I was afraid it'd be too rushed...

NEVER INDEED (and thank Merlin)!

so many compliments :3

I will go and read that soon, I promise! THANK YOU &hearts


 Report Review

Review #6, by Ron 4 Hermione Sailing

30th March 2013:
Hey there, here to review the first chapter for my challenge! :)
This is an interesting start, especially since it's about the Titanic. I can't help but already wonder weather she's going to survive or not. I guess I'll find out!

Elizabeth's an interesting character, I don't think there's many stories told from a muggle's P.O.V, not that I've seen anyway. I like her relationship with her sister, she seems to actually care about her but she seems almost hostile towards Jeremy and he hasn't did much, I wonder if there is more to this then there seems?

Your prompt was short story and, well you've clearly did that but you've did a good job with it so far! You haven't just wrote something for the sake of it, it's interesting and different!

Great story, can't wait to see what happens next and you've did a great job with the prompt! :)

Author's Response: Hi Shaza!

I'm happy you like Elizabeth -- she's slightly more agressive than the characters I usually write, so making her convincing was one of my biggest worries. Her attitude to Jeremy is essentially due to two factors:

a) She's awkward around men who act even remotely seductive.

b) She's a bit like a porcupine: you need to get past the needles first!

Thank you so much for your review :)


 Report Review

Review #7, by soufflegirl99 Sinking

28th March 2013:
This is breath taking - the description is so vivid - you're such a diverse author - a different genre to W&W and TCG and yet so awesome at the same time!

The whole idea is totally original, and you describe what it was like in victorian times really well. The characters are so believable and I love how the theme of cold and ice also reflects their feelings - it's such a brilliant theme for the stpry, and the subtle hints and cold imagery make it very compelling and engaging story to read, e.g "The last word shatters against her tongue."

I love how Jeremy just discovered blast ended skrewts! That is seriously clever of you! The way they dance as well is so sweet, and you write the banter extrodinarily well - to make it even more riveting.

You wrote the etiquette of the classes in those days very well - you carefully entwined historical facts in the piece artfully, to make it even more interesting and gripping.

Overall, a fabulous awesome chapter - you portray what it would have been like on the Titanic amazingly well :D

Author's Response: I have no idea how to respond to this.

I like Jeremy so much -- he trusts Elizabeth to the point where he forgets she's a Muggle, and lets things slip... I'm glad you liked the dance :3

Ah, etiquette... I got a few questions on that in the first chapter, so I felt like it needed to be included, andit's good to hear it was done well.

I LURVEEE YOU &hearts


 Report Review

Review #8, by MissMdsty Sailing

5th March 2013:
Honey! Where do you come up with these ideas? I swear, I wanna get inside your head and take a look!

I had a phase when I was very interested in Titanic's history and what went on there. I actually wanted to talk my boyfriend into taking the cruise for the anniversary of the maiden voyage last year but he said it was like tempting fate so he wouldn't go. Boo!

I find this such an interesting setting, because they only have so much time to get to know each other. Will magic help them in the event of the sinking? Will Jeremy want to help Elizabeth and Matilda? So many questions!

Another lovely start of a story which I'm sure will be amazing! Adding it to my favorites to read when you update!

Oh, and thank you for the MTA questions!

Author's Response: Trust me, you don't! There's far too much physics floating around... And you can talk -- the mysterious case of the twin wands is still a complete mystery to me!

Really, they had a cruise? I didn't know that... Haha, I can understand your boyfriend's reaction!

I wish I could answer your questions, but I won't just yet; chapter 2 should be up soon though...

Thank you for the wonderful review, as always! I'll probably stop by your MTA again one of these days :)


 Report Review

Review #9, by Jchrissy Sailing

6th February 2013:
I'm so sorry it took me so long to make my way over here ♥. I came over here to leave you a review as thanks for all your amazing ones, then when I saw 'Frozen' I remembered that'd you'd asked about a review for it! gah. Next time, if you want an opinion on something and it takes me more than three or four days, you can always PM me ♥

Anyway, onto the story! I was about to comment on how it felt like it needed a bit more, then I realized it's one of three parts! That made me so happy, and I think for a first part you've gotten exactly what you need in here and nothing more.

We understand that they're sailing to America on the Titanic, we understand why, what kind of state they'll be in, and what they've already had to endure.

I love what a protective sister Elizabeth is, and I think you made an amazing choice at allowing her to feel anger at her parents for abandoning her too young (even if by death) and leaving her to first raise her sister, then to deal with the aweful woman her father married.

I do think you should sneak somewhere in here what class they're staying with. It seems like they're upper society with how they talk and the fact that there was a china bowl, but then I wasn't sure because the step mother clearly hated them and may not have shelled out a penny more than would cover the most basic tickets. I only think this is important because when the ship went down it was the poor who died, while most of the wealthy made it out alive.

When she's thinking about how the money that the step mom gave for their passages and not a penny more may be a good place to try and sneak in what kind of passage she purchased.

I love that you meshed to the time of this. Everything is spoken more formally, and then Elizabeth surprises us with that punch in the nose! You go girl!

I'm really excited to see where this goes, m'dear. I think this first chapter was really lovely. It gave us a good start up, you didn't include too much detail to make it feel tedious, and I felt like I was on the Titanic alongside her :)

Oh! And I love the detail about her little habit and why she picked it up. I think you really did well at rounding her character in just this small start.

I'd love it if you could let me know when part two is up ♥

Author's Response: Hi Jami!

I adore Elizabeth, and at the same time I find her so difficult to flesh out, being a person who enjoys bright, cheerful characters. Writing someone angry is so much harder than writing someone happy, don't you think?

They would be second class. Obviously, the step mother hated them, but she can't have someone she knows travel with the commoners, can she? I think the china bowl would still fit in that case, because it doesn't seem like too much of a luxury.

I'll sneak in a more obvious note though!

Punching in the nose is somthing I enjoy writing far too much, but obviously it's effective -- albeit violent, but psh.

Thank you so much for this awesome review darling! I'll make sure to tell you when the next part is up &hearts


 Report Review

Review #10, by adluvshp Sailing

4th February 2013:
Here for your requested review!

Ah, I quite enjoyed this! Your narrative had the feel of the time the Titanic set sail, and I think you have managed to capture it brilliantly. You asked about the plot, so I'd say that your plot seems to be very interesting. I have not ventured into a proper story about the Titanic on HPFF yet, so I can say that it's sort of unique too. The way this chapter progressed, your plot seems to be interesting, and I'd love to see the direction the story is headed in. For an opening chapter, I think this was very good. You gave enough background information that was needed to shape up the plot (and characters too), but didnt overload with information, which is nice.

The whole piece flowed smoothly enough, since you managed to maintain the same tense throughout which many authors fail to do, so good job there. I also think that the transitions from one scene to another were done very neatly and I didn't feel like there were any gaps in the narrative, which was good. I noticed that there was one tiny place where you switched from first to second person - it was probably a typo - and it is here: "Care to spare one of those?" A low voice breaks your thoughts.."
Apart from that, I didn't find any mistakes. Your grammar and punctuation was all fine too, so it all flowed well.

I quite like your characters. I think you've written them very interestingly. Elizabeth is crafted well, and I am glad that you showed some instances of her past, that have shaped the person she is today, it added a lot to her character. The personality that you have portrayed of her is nicely written, and I like that she's a strong character. I'd have liked to see more exploration into Mathilda's personality though, since it seemed that you simply touched on her. It seems like Mathilda is an important part in Elizabeth's life, so you should focus on her a little more on her characterisation, than you did. There was less focus on Jeremy too, but I think we'll get to know him a lot more in the upcoming chapter(s).

Leaving that aside, I think all your characters are very likeable. All three of them appealed to me, and I wanted to know more about their lives, which is a good sign. I'd have liked to see more detail on their physical appearances though - you did Jeremy's justice, but we can't exactly visualise Elizabeth and Mathilda at this point. I feel that it is essential for readers to be able to visualize their characters in the first chapter itself, and though we can visualize them personality wise, it is hard to do so physically. So, I'd suggest to give a little more attention to their physical descriptions.

Coming to your imagery, I think it was beautiful. You maintained a great balance between imagery and normal narrative, which was awesome, since many authors overdo one of the two. I loved all your descriptions and the way you set the scenes, so great work there.

All in all, this made for a very good read. The plot, pace, flow, grammar, all seems to be more or less fine. Your writing style is brilliant too, and apart from the few things I mentioned in the above paragraphs, I dont have much CC to give you. I think you did a great job with this first chapter, and I look forward to more. Please feel free to re-request for the next one when it is posted!

9/10
Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco950

Author's Response: Hello! The first thing I've got to say is that your compliments made my day.

That typo is due to the fact that this was originally in second person, and though I've proofread when changing to first that typo escaped me. Thanks for pointing it out!

Indeed, we find out more about Jeremy in future chapters -- I'm really looking forward to those parts, as a matter of fact...

To the rest of your review, I can only rpeat myself: THANK YOU SO MUCH. Seriously, you should see my face right now, I'm so, so grateful for your kind review.

Thank you again.


 Report Review

Review #11, by miluv Sailing

4th February 2013:
i just fell in love... update fast

Author's Response: I'll try: Thank for the review :)

 Report Review

Review #12, by hanie87 Sailing

2nd February 2013:
I really like it! I am looking forward to more! please update soon

Author's Response: Thank you, and I will try to (but you know how it is)! :)

 Report Review

Review #13, by Gabriella Hunter Sailing

1st February 2013:
HellO!

Its me, Gabbie with your requested review and I'm super sorry that I didn't attack this sooner but I was doing grown up stuff and foaming at the mouth because I had writers block.
Anyhoo! So, this is pretty interesting. I had noticed on the forums that there was a Titanic challenge, so is this a part of that? If so, then you just made my entire day! I LOVE that movie. Such a fangirl for it and while thsi isn't based on THAT, I really did enjoy this first chapter. I was really feeling for poor Elizabeth though, her life seems to have been moving in a very sad direction. I do love how tough she is, she's got some great steel and I know that she's had to learn that the hard way. The brief glimpse into her relationship with her sister was nice too and it was great seeing her have a softer side. I hope that you go into more with that because I think they have so much to say to one anotther that's unsaid. Anyway, what a mean little thing! She knocked Jeremy good, didn't she? He was just teasing but she really took it the wrong way and knocked him flat! Hahaha. It doesn't seem like he minds though, he was perfectly friendly to her after that! :D
I think you've got something pretty unique here and I enjoyed reading this so thanks so much for the read! There were only a few grammar things but I like the flow and pacing of this, you're not hitting me over the head with the fact that, sadly, Titanic will sink. :D
Keep it up!
Much love,
Gabbie

Author's Response: Haha, I know I shouldn't, but your firt sentence had me laughing. Loud.

This wasn't originally a part of that, but I've submitted it as such. I loved the movie as well, but I'm not attempting to transpose it into the magical world, not as such. This isn't going to be about social difference, for example.

Yes, there will be more Elizabeth and Mathilda moments, don't worry! And plenty of time to say unsaid things too...

Elizabeth is quite a nasty human being when she decides to, I completely agree. Poor Jeremy -- it's a good thing he doesn't hold grudges too much.

(Yes, the Titanic will sink, as much as I'm tempted to go AU).

Thank you for this awesome review Gabbie :)


 Report Review

Review #14, by Siriusgirl Sailing

28th January 2013:
Great start! I've always wondered about wizards aboard the Titanic. I'd love to read more! Keep it going!

Author's Response: Thank you! The next chapter should be up within two weeks time...

 Report Review

Review #15, by my_voice_rising Sailing

28th January 2013:
Wow! This is incredible! Like seriously, some of the best writing I've seen from you--I am so blown away by your descriptions of characters and places. And the voice of your main character is so well-written and thorough! The fact that she's no longer like Mathilda is stated plainly in the beginning, and then so beautifully by the line, "I was never one for poetry." Wow!

There are some really disturbingly beautiful images here, like "fragile stomach" "my fickle heart" and "bile black as ink." So I guess Mathilda is much younger than Elizabeth, as she has to ask permission to walk around the ship. I like the age difference here; I think it shows a lot about how Elizabeth had to grow up quickly.

I like that Elizabeth smokes, and isn't proper; and even more that she only began smoking to infuriate her step-mother. She's responsible and level-headed, but certainly isn't going to be walked all over by a woman like that. I really admire her!

WHOA she punched him in the face. Hahaha. That was really great to read; she really wants to prove a point, eh? I like that he came back to return her handkerchief. It was a totally different feel from if she'd dropped a piece of jewelry or something trite like that. ;3 One thing I did notice is that you said "I am having breakfast with Mathilda the next morning when he walks up to your table," which I think is supposed to be "walks up to my table."

Which reminds me, I love the tense you're using here. It's so fun to read. :D

Something I'd also like to know is what class they're in. I'm assuming that Mathilda/Elizabeth are in upper class because of having a porter, a private bathroom, and being chastised for not behaving as "proper ladies," but are they part of the London elite? Their stepmother only gave them enough money for the trip, so is she broke or just a hag? Also, what kind of class does Jeremy belong to? It was a really big issue back then, and especially since they're all confined in one space, class distinctions were really important to keep them separated. It'd be really interesting to know! :D

Again, really great glimpse into Elizabeth's character just by describing her coffee. Black, no sugar, no milk: just the bare essentials. Wow! Val, this is really amazing writing. You've always been talented, but I'm so blown away by this--it seems you've really found your voice with this character. I'm so humbled that it's a present for me! Really amazing work!

Author's Response: YOU ARE THE MOST FABULOUS PERSON EVER, YOU KNOW THAT? HOW DO I RESPOND TO THIS? HOW?!

Mathilda is, as a matter of fact, much younger than Elizabeth -- eight years (which for some reason seems to be a recurring age difference in my stories, but I digress), which makes Mathilda thirteen.

Comments on my imagery, gah. I'm just incapable of expressing how flattered I am that you like my imagery, because it's not something I'm normally good at. So thank you.

The smoking habit is entirely inspired from Helene. When I read your description of her smoking, my first thought was "Woah. This girl irradiates power." So, Elizabeth is to you what Helene is to me (or so I hope) -- I think we can call it even!

Punching in the face has to be my favourite part of writing female characters, I think (this must be my feminist side kicking in) ;)She /definitely/ had a point to prove! As for the handkerchief versus jewelry, it would have seemed so out of character, in my head, for Elizabeth to even wear jewelry. She's too down-to-earth for that.

That typo, urgh. This was originally written in second person, except that's not allowed for OCs, so I got this proofread and changed, but obviously, I missed that particular mistake. I'll edit asap, thanks for pointing it out!

As for class, well, I /thought/ second class could have adjoining bathrooms, but Wikipedia just proved me wrong :) They'd be second class on the boat, although their step-mother is still the second of the two options! Jeremy is also second class -- this is not a star-crossed lovers type of story, or at least I'm hoping that it won't turn into one.

I'm done rambling here. Thank you for this awesome review, and I'm so happy you like the present! &hearts


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login