When is the next one I want to cry I check every day :'(Author's Response: Hey, thank you for your enthusiasm for my story! I appreciate it a lot, I'm writing it as I type this. It should be up very soon. It's called "Christmas" ! Report Review
Please please please hurry with the next one I love your stories Report Review
I love your story. I think its absolutely incredibly written and I love the way you portray the characters just like j.k.r did in the books.alot of other authors don't seem to understand the characters but you do!keep up the brill work.:-) Report Review
I love this so much you should be published I check this everyday to see if you have put a new one on I LOVE THIS! Report Review
I love this so much you are such a talented writer please please please write the next one as fast as you can I check everyday to see if you have wrote another. Report Review
I found that your banner was very eye-catching so I decided to pay a visit. :)
I think this is a great start to a story, better than what I could ever do anyway. Your descriptions were really well-done, though I found them a bit too overwhelming at some points of the chapter.
I found the idea of James's finger being nipped by his very own as a rude awakening was very funny. It probably wouldn't have been funny if it had happened to me too, though. :P The banter between James and Sirius was well-executed too, I thought it showed their bromance pretty well.
There are errors in the story that I think you could easily fixed and make the read more enjoyable for the reader. First, try to separate your dialogues by treating them as paragraphs. Giving them just a line break does make it a bit harder for them to read and it just doesn't look pretty as they look like a big chunk of text. And I saw a lot of missing commas and full stops at the end of dialouges. If you're a bit confused as to which goes where (like I sometimes am) then the hpff forums do offer a range of resources that authors like you could have a look at anytime. :) Otherwise, this was a nice read! Great start for a story and good luck!
~Izzy Report Review
Marauder stories are the best! There's so much to write about these boys and their time in school!
I like how you incorporated in this first chapter bits and pieces from their past and their history, like Lupin's furry little problem and Sirius' fight with his mother. It gives the characters backgrounds and makes them more real for the reader. I also like how you mentioned other characters that they were friends with but weren't part of the group, like Frank and Alice.
All in all, it was a good chapter, though I did notice some small spelling errors that I'd like to point out:
"in to animagus" - it should be "into Animagi"; you also spelled into as two separate words in the next sentence.
You should also try to put a punctuation mark at the end of the dialogue, either a coma or a period. I noticed you only do that for the dialogue sections that end in a question mark or exclamation mark. All dialogue sentences should end in some kind of punctuation mark.
Good job on this first chapter and good luck with the story! Report Review
really like it so far! Both funny & romantic! update soon please! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection