Reading Reviews for Cold
31 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MyMyMiss Why me?

18th March 2014:
'?First' should be a " to begin with.

Anyway wow - just wow! this story, with every chapter just keeps setting the scene for the next part of this adventure! I really loved how you made Harry explain everything, and how you keep casting silence charms, etc.etc. I think that's a really important part about being an aurora and A lot of people always forget to be so careful about being careful when they write their characters. Especially Auora's they're trained to be careful so of course they'll take every precaution! I really like that you keep adding the safety behind their training, it's a must have and I'm glad you've got that.

I didn't lose interest in this chapter, which is unusual because chapter 2 of things generally have me bored and clicking the 'x' but after the battle is over I'm going to continue following this story it has an amazing set up and a awesome plot a head! I can see that coming, which is amazing.

I can't wait to rad more about these venators?


-review blackout.

 Report Review

Review #2, by MyMyMiss The Assignment

18th March 2014:
'Hermione wished to curse him, teaching him to respect the significant' ohmy god I absolutley loved this line, She never forgave him for his wrong doings and now she has to live with him as his 'fake' girlfriend. Poor Hermione!

Anyway, I adore the way you wrote this, I thought the first chapter was a great introductory for further chapters - the suspense of what will be coming next will be unbelievable. As you read this, you can see clearly what Hermione has to do, and living with Draco is not something she want's to do, but it's her moment to shine and do something! I loved that!

I also thought your characterization was amazing! You keep it consistent through the whole first chapter and I love when people do that, I struggle and stray from path a little lol so I am guilty of that, but you nailed it!



 Report Review

Review #3, by Dark Whisper The Limits

10th May 2013:
Awesome! Wow, Meg you have really impressed me with your imagination today! I was totally transfixed onto your every word. What was going to happen? I was completely glued.

"You were born." Ouch... that stung to the core. Ugh! So terribly heartwrenching for the girl and awful for her to say.

And her feeling that Draco truly only changed sides because he knew Voldemort wasn't going to win... oh, dear, I hope he sets that straight somehow. I don't know how... that would be up to you, but I do hope you put that in your story at some point because my heart can't take that. ;)

I love, love, LOVE then ending! She surprised and impressed him with her little Imperious trick. Excellent!

And to return with a huge surprise of his own? Jaw dropping! Illusions... YES! Perfect. Amazing job in this chapter and storyline as a whole.

Very, very, good. I hope you can continue this suspenseful story. It is creative and very original. Where will you take us next?

Dark Whisper

Author's Response: Dark,

Your reviews are always so nice. I love reading them and getting your thoughts on the whole thing. I'm glad you were transfixed. I don't think I'm a ever good action writer.

Yes, this is Hermione's first undercover operation and it is the hardest. She has to do things and say things that tear her to pieces and make sleep nearly impossible.

Lol, have a little faith. She won't always think that way about Draco as clues to the past come to light. Draco still is acting haughty but that is his cover. :)

I knew they wouldn't trust her until she could prove herself but on the other hand I knew she would never actually torture anyone. Though it doesn't show yet, Draco is impressed with her performance because if he wasn't he woundn't have bothered with telling her the truth. Yes, a double twist.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! You are too kind.


 Report Review

Review #4, by Dark Whisper Dinner Party pt 1

10th May 2013:
Oh, you have a lot going on in this chapter.

Bellatrix's portrait? Oh my goodnes, that would bring much hurt and anger at seeing her!

And a room with a warning from the house elf?

And you wrote the shock of seeing two 'dead men walking' very well. Excellent job.

Hermione did so very well with his introduction too... saying that he was the true guest of honor. Wow on that one.

And Rodolphus? Ugh... I do not like him. That was extremely disrespectful to Draco... looking at his girlfriend like that. Terrible.

I like how you included people from different countries and that Blaise and Astoria were there as well.

I'm loving that she is impressing Draco so well. I hope you make him crazy to find out who she really is. He is a smart one to possibly figure it out though.

Great job as usual,
Dark Whisper

Author's Response: Dark,

It makes me so happy that you have taken the time to continue to read this. It was a fairly busy chapter but it my mind it was just a transition. Lol.

I figured since she was technical Draco's Aunt and Rodolphus being in and out of the house that it shouldn't be too out of place for her portrait to be in Draco's house. Plus, it adds to the mystery of the room a bit. :)

Hermione knows how to impress and more importantly stay alive. I don't plan on bring anyone else back from the dead though.

There will be more to come with Draco and Rodolphus. I promise... He will not get away with it so easily. First and foremost, Draco must play a Malfoy. :)

Thank you again for reading and reviewing. It makes me very very happy.


 Report Review

Review #5, by Wistful The Assignment

4th March 2013:
Hey there! :'D

This was a fantastic and thrilling way to open up this story. The urgency of whatever this case is was clearly important by the way Kingsley, Harry, and Draco talked on it and in top secret. Everything seemed so in-Ministry if you understand what I mean - it seemed like it was under some sort of secretive protocol. The characterization was really good but not, say, flawless. Its difficult to write cannon characters considering readers already have an image of them from reading JK Rowling, but you did a good job as it was. Draco and Kingsley was incredibly in character in the situation with Kingsley explaining the situation smoothly in the way that made him part of the muggle minister's security in the books, and Draco just as distant and cool as always with a fabulous bit at the end. Hermione and Harry seemed a bit off in comparison and not coincidently they're also the ones that JK Rowling characterizes the most. Harry seemed a bit too distant and un-Harry, and it didn't seem like him as a friend to Hermione. Under the situation, I would expect him to be more hurried and worried, aternating assuring Hermione, supporting her, or un-subtly telling her it could ba dangerous. The tension should have been more obvious considering. Its jsut about the same for Hermione - she just didn't respont the same way she should have. Her neatness and still helping Ron and Harry with their work was a fantastic bit right there though. Hermione is more observant, and it isn't like her not to... I don't know, be observing if you understand what I mean.

The 0900 hours was definitely intriguing. All the secrecy really hooks the reader in, and I'm really curious to see whay'll happen next. "This was her chance but it came at a price." Tow things to say about this. First of all, I just lovelovelove the wording. It was written so smoothly, and it proves true for a good deal of things. And the second is I don't get why this is her first chance. I mean, this si the war heroine Hermione Granger, helped defeated Voldemort - I would imagine she had her part aiding other Death Eater captures and such. Please pardon my grammar and typos and know this really was a great read. I loved it!

- Wistful

Author's Response: Wistful,

Thank you for the great review! I'm really happy that you liked this chapter so much! I will love into the characterization of both Harry and Hermione and see if I can do something to make them seem more in character!

Thank you for pointing that out!!


 Report Review

Review #6, by AriesA76 The Limits

2nd March 2013:
Really enjoyed this chapter, and how Hermione used the Imperius curse to make it look like she was torturing that girl.

Can't wait to see how Draco reacts to his partner being Hermione.

Author's Response: AriesA76,

Thank you for taking a moment to review! I always had that little trick in the back of my mind and I'm glad I finally found a place to use it. I'm glad you enjoyed that!

The reveal is coming but probably not in the next few chapters.

Thanks for the read!!


 Report Review

Review #7, by undercoverbrunette The Limits

2nd March 2013:
I really like this chapter. I felt real suspense and horror when Hermione's task was revealed, especially the torture. It all being an illusion was a great twist and a real relief! Just proof read a little more closely before publishing, but other than that I have no complaints ;) Keep up the good work and I hope to see a new chapter up soon!

Author's Response: undercoverbrunette,

Thank you for taking a moment to review, it really means alot to me to hear from my readers!! I tried to take my time and get this scene right because I felt i could be really unbelieveable if done in a rushed manner.

I'll take a look at the chapter and edit soon.

Thank you again!!


 Report Review

Review #8, by Jchrissy The Limits

28th February 2013:

Okay I'm going to try and make myself start from the beginning. I really loved the small details you included about all the pureblood practices. Like Hermione having to sit to Draco's right and the host having to the first tester of the food.

Those are both small details, but the really do a lot to bring character to the story. We never learn a ton about pureblood way of life through JKR, and a lot of authors don't elaborate on details that aren't canon, so I always love those small creative add ons.

I was so nervous to where hermione was being taken. And then excited that the door came back into play!! Now we know why the H-E was so frightened of it!

Hermione's trick, using the imperius curse to make it seem like the girl was being tortured was a really really genius idea! And then Draco's revelation about where the arch actually led!! There were so many twists in this chapter and I loved every single one!

And she did such a good job covering up why she seemed upset with saying to Draco that it wasn't done!

I hope you continue this story! I've really enjoyed these chapters and can't wait for a new one!


Author's Response: Jami,

This was kind of a hard chapter to write because Hermione and Hailey are two totally different personalities. I knew I needed to stay true to both characters so that Hermione's cover wouldn't be blown and she was the really the sick a twisted girl she was protraying.

I think there must have been quite a few rules and practices in the pureblood soceity because it runs almost like a cult.

I'm so glad you liked the imperius curse idea, I've actually had it in the back of my mind for a while and this chapter was written so I could use it. :)

Thank for another great review. I hope you continue.


 Report Review

Review #9, by Jchrissy Dinner Party pt 1

25th February 2013:
Ohh I can't imagine how difficult it is for Hermione to be stuck in this! She's doing so well, but then those flashes of her true self come through when she sees the portrait of Bellatrix, and then again when she has to meed the delightful Rodolphus.

I love what you said about people needing to think he's dead. It wasn't that they exactly though it, as much as had to believe it to sleep better at night. It was such a perfect reminder of all the families these people had hurt. I sort of just want Hermione to go curse crazy and start Avada Kevada-ing the whole group of them :P

Your house elf was adorable! And I'm sure it's no good that Hermione got so interested in the room. Of course she would say that she's not going in to it, she wouldn't want to worry the little guy, but we all know she's too curious for her own good.

I love that you have her playing her parts so well on the outside, but still so herself on the inside. It really makes it clear how difficult of a mission this would be.

Oh! And he payed her a half compliment when he said that she's doing better than he thought she would! I am so excited for him to learn who he's really been with, mwahaha. I know I said this before, but I love so much that he doesn't know it's really Hermione.

Lovely chapter, m'dear!! ♥

Author's Response: Jami,

I hope i am staying true to Hermione even if she should be acting like someone completely.

I hate Rodolphus, he makes me skin crawl because he is such a creep. That is why I thought he would be a good addition to this story. And we will be seeing more of him in future chapters. Lol, while I like your idea of Hermione going curse crazy with this group, they deserve as much, but then what would happen to the rest of my story?? :)

I know, I'm having too much fun with this withheld information and so will Hermione!! :)

Thank you for another lovely review!!


 Report Review

Review #10, by patronus_charm Dinner Party pt 1

24th February 2013:
Hi Meg! Iím here with your review!

I liked the idea of the forbidden room, there always so much fun, as they generate so much mystery. Even though Hermione told Bobby she wouldnít go in there, itís Hermione so of course she will!

I love the death eater get together, as theyíre always so much fun to read and write! I canít wait to see how the rest of the evening continues; one thing I would like is perhaps some more description about each person, so we get a better sense of who they are.

I like the little funny moments of the story as well, I think the best was Draco saying he preferred shorter women, I donít know why, it just seemed hilarious to me. Then he changes his mind about and says that sheís ok.

There were a few spacing errors, where some paragraphs needed to be separated. Also there were a few minor grammar errors which should be easy to get rid of though.

An interesting chapter, and Iím intrigued to see what the full initiation will be.

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Kiana,

Hello, I'm very sorry that it has taken me so long to respond to you review. Lol, we all know Hermione will get in that room one way or another. She is just too curious for her own good. :)

I will take your suggestions into account when I continue to write about each member of the Ventures.

Hehe, he has to get his dig in at her because she rejected him. :)

I hope you continue to read this story! Thank you for the review!!


 Report Review

Review #11, by Elphaba and Boyfriends The Limits

23rd February 2013:
Wow, you had me completely fooled with this chapter! So, now I know what was behind the forbidden door, and why Boppy didn't want Hermione to go there. :)

I didn't think there was any way Hermione could torture anyone, especially not another muggleborn, so I really love the twist at the end where she reveals that she used the Imperius Curse on her victim instead of hurting her. I also like the moment she has with Bellatrix's portrait right before she has to pretend to torture the girl.

This sentence is really interesting: "She welcomed seeing her loved she had lost she heard his voice ring in her ear." I think it could be broken up into two sentences by placing a period after "lost." More importantly, though: is this a clue about what happened to Ron? If so, I really like that it is here! :)

I also love the twist where Draco reveals that the Veil is a fake!

Now I really want to know what the Venators are up to. What is their ultimate goal?

Author's Response: Elphaba,

Lol that was my intention. I wanted my readers to be slightly mad at me for writing that Hermione would do such things. :) All part of the evil plan... Mawhahaha.

Lol. ok that may have been a bit weird but I hope you take it in the right way.

I'm not going to tell you weather or not that is a referecne to Ron but more on Ron will be revealed in later chapters.

Also, the Venators goals will be reveal in the course of everything.

Thank you for the reviews and I hope you continue.


 Report Review

Review #12, by Dramione <3 The Limits

23rd February 2013:
Wow. Can't wait to read the rest!

Author's Response: Thank you! I will be continuing soon!


 Report Review

Review #13, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Dinner Party pt 1

23rd February 2013:
Hi, Elphaba again!

This chapter has a lot of interesting things going on. I especially liked Boppy the house elf and the "forbidden room." Despite Boppy's warning, I have a feeling that Hermione will go snooping as soon as she gets a chance. ;) I really like how well you write Hermione, I think you've done a great job with her.

I noticed a few spots during the dinner party that could use some editing. Here's an example: "Draco couldn't help but notice that Hermione had stiffen when Rodolphus Lestrange entered the room." (Stiffen should be stiffened). Some of the sentences in this section are run-ons: "Hailey may not be his girlfriend that isn't what these people believed and for Rodolphus to be blantant in his observation undermined Draco on the deepest level." (If you place ", but" in between "girlfriend" and "that" then the sentence is fixed!)

Uncle Rodolphus is really creepy, as is Antonin Dolohov! I wonder how they survived? Will that be revealed later? Mostly I wonder what will happen next!

Author's Response: Elphaba,

I figured the warning would give a bit of foreboding to what is going to happen that evening in the house.

I will take a look at those sentences you have mentioned and fix them accordingly. Thank you again for bringing those issues to me attention.

Rodolphus is very creepy, indeed.


 Report Review

Review #14, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Meeting the Enemy

23rd February 2013:
Hi Elphaba back again!

I like the back story that has been concocted for Hailey, and I really like how well you depict Hermione in this chapter, particularly this line of hers: "You will trust me because you have no choice. Now, are you ready?" :)

I found a few editing errors here and there, like this one: "Every well, Malfoy this will be your partner." (I think Every should be Very)
And this one: "Hermione was a bit blow away by the home..." (blow should be blown)

There isn't much description of the house where Malfoy lives, and I wonder whether this is the house where he grew up? Or has he moved into his own house? I kind of get the impression that this is a new house, but I would like to see a few more details about it.

The last two lines have me intrigued: "Draco knew tonight would be the roughest but it would be best for her if she truly did not know what was going down. If she knew she would probably be too appalled to complete the mission." I think it's very interesting that Malfoy seems to care somewhat about her feelings, even though he acts like a complete jerk. It's also a signal that the Venators are doing some truly awful things.

You've got me hooked, so I'm moving on to chapter four right away... :)

Author's Response: Elphaba,

I'm glad to see you are back again. :)

I always think of Sheldon Cooper when he told Leonard that a good lie is in the details, so something like that. It is the same for stories (because a lie is just a story but can be more hurtful). Anyway, I'm glad you liked the backstory, I was hoping it wasn't too much.

Thank you for pointing out those typos. I will fix them and look into the description of Draco's house.

He cares, in his own way that isn't open or flashy. I believe he is some what decent and cares for perservation of human life.

Thanks for the lovely review!


 Report Review

Review #15, by nevermind The Limits

22nd February 2013:
Ohhh, not the arcade and the veil, that brings back such sad memories. But so relieved to know that Hermione didnt actually kill the girl and nice idea with faking the torture. I like it, keep going !!!

Author's Response: I had to push the Limits a bit with this chapter and bring my readers out of the their comfort zones. Lol. Of course Hermione could never kill and torture another human being but she sure can act like she did. Thank you for the great review and I hope you continue to read!


 Report Review

Review #16, by Jchrissy Meeting the Enemy

20th February 2013:
Hi darling! Here for chapter 3, yay!

I love that you had Hermione not comfortable in her outfit that shedí been given to wear, so sheíd look like someone who a Malfoy would actually date. As well as her clear distaste for stealing someone elseís appearance. I think that it absolutely seemed in character for her not to love it, but again this is an assignment sheíd been given and she isnít going to back down just because there are some details she doesnít love.

Ooh I like her allies name! Iím a fan of Hailey. Itís very feminine and fits in well with the kind of persona their trying to give off for her. And I love that you have ĎHaileyísí background so well planned out!

OH! OH! Malfoy doesnít even know itís Hermione :O! I hadnít realized that! What a fun twist, you sneaky author.

And now Iím so excited to find out whatís going on at this evenings meeting!

I really like that you didnít take away Dracoís arrogance. I am all for believing that Draco straightened up after the war, when he finally had the freedom to make his own decisions without his life and his family liveís hanging over his head, but I donít like when he isnít still ĎDraco.í So I really love that you arenít changing his personality in to an unrealistic sweet sort of attitude. Heís working on the right side of the law now, but he was still born and raised a Malfoy and has it built into his brain that heís better than anyone else. Even if that eventually fades, it would never go away completely, and I think youíre doing an awesome job showing that.

This was another exciting chapter, mídear!

Author's Response: Hey Jami,

I'm so very sorry that it has taken me WAY too long to respond to this review. No cookies for me... :(

Anyway, I could never see Hermione dressing the way that Hailey does. I am the same way and I know I would be so uncomfortable when if I had the body to pull it off. But you are right on the money with that line "this is an assignment she√ʬĬôd been given and she isn√ʬĬôt going to back down just because there are some details she doesn√ʬĬôt love." Hermione is never one to back away from a challenge.

LOL! You crack me up. Nope Draco doesn't know who she is. I was going to tell him but he is just too impatient and full of himself, I just couldn't bring myself to tell him yet.

Nope, in this story I want to Malfoy pride to show through because you are right. It may fade in time but it will never go away complete because it is who he is and how he lived in his formative years. Plus, it helps that he must maintain this persona to continue to work undercover.

Thank you for another awesome review!!


 Report Review

Review #17, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Why me?

18th February 2013:
Hi, Elphaba again!

I like that you show Hermione using a mix of muggle technology and magic in her home. I always think it's weird when she appears in a story with only one or the other.

This line made me laugh: "Harry, could you have picked a more foul and loathsome being for me to work with?" I love that she isn't happy to be working with Malfoy, and is not harboring some secret crush. :)

I found one typo: ?First, I want to let you know that this was the Minister's decision..." The question mark slipped in there in place of the quotation mark.

The Venators sound really interesting -- I've never thought about other wizard supremacy groups outside of the Death Eaters, so this is something new. It makes sense that there would be other groups, especially in other countries.

Harry does a lot of explaining in this chapter, and while I know it's necessary to explain things, I wish there were a little less of it. Maybe Harry could leave her something to read, and she could quote details from it later on, as needed? I don't know, it's just a suggestion.

The biggest question I have after this chapter is: what's happened to Ron? I'm guessing that he and Hermione have had some sort of falling out, and now I'm curious to know what happened.

Hopefully that will be answered in a later chapter. :)

Author's Response: Elphaba,

I understand what you are saying. Hermione is a muggleborn witch. I think it would be hard for her to completely change her ways.

She is not harboring a secret crush. She dislikes him to the core and just because he is gooding something for the right side doesn't change the fact that he is a self righteous git. :)

I'll look into that typo.

They aren't completely separate from the DeathEaters and you will recognize some of the members when they are introduced.

Hmm.. I hadn't planned on describing the Ron situation becuase it hadn't occured to me but now that you have pointed it out I have been thinking of ways to work it in. We shall see.


 Report Review

Review #18, by Elphaba and Boyfriends The Assignment

18th February 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!

First of all, I like that you describe Hermione as a bit of a neat freak, with her spotless desk. That seems in-character for her. :) I think it's very interesting that she longs to go undercover as an auror in your story, when most stories have her working for house-elf, muggleborn or goblin rights. I think she would definitely do well at undercover work given all her adventures over the course of the series, so I think this career fits her character, as well.

I caught one spelling error: "...but she slowly wiled away the past four years with no luck." This is a tricky one, but "wiled" should be "whiled."

I'm really curious about Malfoy's role! Is he working so deeply undercover for the Ministry that only Kingsley has known (up to this point) that he works for them? I like that you've also portrayed Malfoy in-character, with his arrogant gait and hostile voice. :)

I wasn't entirely clear on this at first, but it seems that Hermione's true identity will be disguised even from Malfoy. Am I guessing correctly? This will make for an intriguing relationship! I'm always skeptical of Dramione pairings because I have a hard time buying any sort of attraction between the two of them, but the assumed identity opens a door that isn't normally there - at least on his part.

I'm very curious to see what will happen next, and will read on...

Author's Response: Elphaba and Boyfriends,

I model Hermione after one of my best friends who studies for fun and is the biggest neat freak I know. I has to be a bit different and make Hermione an Auror. It makes sense in my head because I always figured through out the book that is what she would become.

I have been wanting to write a haughty and self center Draco for a while. I think it can be a refreshing change from the soft and sweet Draco, which I guilty of writing as well.

Thank you for the great review...


 Report Review

Review #19, by Gabriella Hunter Why me?

15th February 2013:

Hey there, its Gabbie here with your requested review and I'm sorry that it took a minute for me to come back to you. I'd actually gotten busy and blah, blah, blah, and I'm lazy like that but anyway, here I am!
So, Hermione has been given another few details about her assignment with Malfoy. It sounds really interesting and i have to say that I really like your idea of having another Death Eater like group showing up. What I really liked was that you didn't have the group being in Britain, this gives you a chance to show something much different and broader. I can't wait to see what you do with this nad how the Italian wizarding world is different from the British one. Though Hermione is upset, I think that she'll do what she has to do in the end, I'm under the impression that she's going to get alot of surprises. There was a moment of interest when Harry talked about Draco going under cover and i wonder if that'll help her opinion of him? Just a thought, to be honest. Hehehe.
I like the buildup that you've got going too, I really want to see how Hermione does with the pureblood lessons. That little bit into pureblood society was really neat, as I always found it fascinating! :D
As for CC's, there were a few grammar things but nothing a quick proofread won't cure. Other than that, it was a good, solid read and I'm really hoping for another few clues to this case and how Hermione and Draco will interact. :D
Much love,

Author's Response: Hello Gabbie,

I'm sorry it has taken so long for me to reply to this review.

I'm glad you like the idea. I've read a few neo-deatheater group stories and some can be a bit cliche. I'm hoping to stay away from that, hopefully by what you mentioned, they are not a British based group. Hermione will get quite a few surprises but you are right she will do what she must in order to complete the mission. She was swayed a bit by Harry's information on Draco, not that she will show it. :)
I'm sorry that I missed the lessons. It would have been more of a filler chapter but you will see her lessons come into play in the following chapters.
I'll be getting a beta at some point I hope.
Thank you again for your time and review!


 Report Review

Review #20, by Jchrissy Why me?

14th February 2013:
Hi m'dear! I wanted to read a few chapters tonight but it looks like I'll only have time for one.

But anyway! I love the quick pace you're keeping with this. Hermione's curiosity was very true to her nature. We've watched her have to question things to death before accepting them, and I think you did a really good job getting that inquisitive part of her character down in this.

I also really like the revelation about Draco and that he'd been working undercover, essentially spying on the Italian Death Eater want-to-bes for sometime now. Of course, it doesn't mean he didn't used to be a brat, but at least he's doing something valuable with his time now. I can really imagine his father receiving the kiss wanting to make him throw his life all into something.

I'm excited to see what life undercover for Hermione will be like! I wish she'd be able to take poor kitty with her... :(. But I'm sure Ginny will be nice enough :P

Some parts I felt like the dialogue was overly formal and I couldn't figure out why. Then I realized it! It's not that it's over formal at all, but it's that you aren't using a ton of contractions. Usually using contractions whenever possible in dialogue is best because that's just how we naturally speak, unless it's someone like Dumbledore who you want to sound more drawn out. If you ever go back and edit, I'd suggest changing your 'it is, that is, you are,' all into contractions. But besides that, your dialogue was great! You kept the conversation moving and didn't ever make it confusing on which of them was talking. It was really easy to follow it and get wrapped up in the story behind why it's come to the point where another Undercover is needing.

This was such an intense second chapter, I'm so excited for the third!


Author's Response: Jami,

Hello again. Thank you for the great review. I'm glad you felt like Hermione was true to her nature in this chapter. I try to be fairly in canon with these two because most people scream that for this ship to wrok they must be extremely ooc. We'll see if I can keep them in character.

As much much as I think he can be a pompous brat. I think he could have been on the right side of the war if situations had been different.

I feel as though most of my dialouge can be a bit stiff and I couldn't figure out why but I think you just hit the nail on the head. I'll review this chapter and try to make this sound more natural. THANK YOU!!


 Report Review

Review #21, by patronus_charm Meeting the Enemy

14th February 2013:
Hello! Iím here with your review!

I think you have a little formatting issue, as the beginning of each paragraph is indented by quite a lot, I mean itís not bad, itís just a little distracting at times so you may want to fix that.

I liked the information about Hermioneís lessons on how to become Dracoís girlfriend, I was looking forward to them, as I thought they would be humorous and they were. I could see that you had put thought behind the reasoning of it all.

I think you wrote Draco well as well, and he did appear to be very haughty and cocky like you would expect him to be. One note on that you may be inclined to change his character to him being nice and caring immediately, but so many people do that and seems so unrealistic, so keep him like this for a while, so he can gradually transform.

I didnít realise that Draco didnít know it was Hermione who was ĎHaileyí, I thought that was actually a really good idea, and Iím excited to see how that may change things, and Dracoís opinion towards her.

One thing I did pick up on, was that you always tended to refer to Hermione by her name, that just seemed to stare out on the page, so perhaps use some different pronouns instead, just to mix it up a little.

Other than that I thought it was an interesting chapter:)

Author's Response: Patronus_charm,

Formatting in my BIGGEST issue on this site. Sigh... I will look into and see if I can figure out how to fiw it. :) Thank you for letting me know.

The lessons will be recurring throughout the chapters and in different ways. I glad you like it so far.

I plan on Draco being very annoying and self-righteous for a while longer. LOL but a tiger can't change his stripes overnight. No worries he will be haughty for a bit longer.

I was going to let Draco in on the secret but I thought this would be a bit more interesting. I'm glad you liked it.

I will definantly work on the "Hermione" issue.

Thank you again for the great review.


 Report Review

Review #22, by FeltonLewis Dinner Party pt 1

14th February 2013:
Oh my god. This is so so brilliant :D Please update soon! I'd love to see what happens next and I'm itching to read some Dramione moments haha xx

Author's Response: FeltonLewis,

Wow it great to see you in my reviews!! Thank you for the read and the review. It does my heart good. I have the next chapter written, it's trying to find the time to do the dreaded editing. Lots of action coming up.

I hope you continue to read!!!


 Report Review

Review #23, by Gabriella Hunter The Assignment

12th February 2013:

Hey, its nice to meet you I'm Gabbie and I'm here with your requested review! *Tosses confetti*
I'm actually quite a fan of Dramione, I like seeing what people do with this pairing and all the stories that they tend to come up with. From what I could gather from just this first chapter, I think it might be a suspense/mystery and I'm really excited! :3
Just the thought of Hermione being an Auror is exciting for me right now! Hahah. I think that you've added a few tweaks to her character that I really like, as in her sitting around watching muggle TV and everything. I can picture her as being really more relaxed and I'm sure that more of her traits will come out in the later chapters.
What's funny is that she's still doing Ron and Harry's work. :p Hahaha. I would have liked a tad more information on what had transpired over the past few years but again, you'll most likely mention that in the next chapters. :3
But this mission that Harry and Kingsley have assigned she and Draco with has me curious. I want to know more about it in this first chapter, just a little hint of what's to come would be greath.
And isn't Draco just the same blonde haired git as always? So he switched sides, hm? I'm interested in knowing more about that, I hope you give a detailed explanation on that and his manicured nails. Hahaha. ;)
But how is Hermione going to deal with him? I can't wait to see what you do with that and her being his designated girlfriend...oh, the things that will happen will be fun, no doubt! :D
So, as for CC's, I didn't spot any grammar things, your pace was fine and aside from just a bit more detail here and there, I enjoyed this! :D
Thanks for the read!
Much love,

Author's Response: Gabbie,

Nice to meet you as well. You can call me Meg. I'm so glad you came and read and reviewed this chapter for me.
I think you pointed out the parts that most of the readers have liked so far. I personally can't see Hermione giving up all her muggle ways. I think the muggle tv is a good place to start and you will see more of this in the coming chapters.

Just a warning, the next chapter holds a lot of information on Draco and Hermione's mission and it explains a few more things. The chapter will get longer and I hope you continue to like what you read. I will be requesting a review for the next few chapters.

Thank you again!!


 Report Review

Review #24, by patronus_charm Why me?

11th February 2013:
Hello! Iím here with your requested review, I think you requested before with chapter 1, so Iím here to review chapter 2!

I liked the idea of putting muggle appliances in a magical world, as in some cases they are more useful, and with Hermione being muggleborn and all it seemed very fitting!

I think you caught her mannerisms very well, and with the whole condensing tone, and vocabulary it seemed very her. Make sure you keep it up, as in most stories about Hermione, especially Draco/Hermione ones, she has a tendency to change dramatically which gets very annoying.

I noticed a typo here Ė Ď?First,í Iím not sure where the question mark is meant to go, but if you just proofread it, you can eliminate errors like these very easily.

I liked the idea of Hermione having to learn pureblood traditions, as I always imagined them having very weird and strange ones, so itíll be funny to see her attempts at learning them.

As to addressing your points of concern:

I think it is quite interesting, but the chapter lengths are on the short side, so they donít tend to grip the reader as much, therefore not gaining as much interest. So to fix these it would simply be to write longer chapters.

It flowed well, and you could understand what was going on throughout, as you explained your ideas thoroughly so the reader knew exactly what was going on.

I hope this review has helped, and I havenít been too critical! Thanks for the interesting read:)

Author's Response: patronus_charm,

You weren't too critical. LOL I only see one critque and that is what I was wanting. I thank you for your honesty.

These first few chapters have been more informational than plot producing. I've been trying to introduce the characters but I hope/the plan is to have longer chapters coming up.

I'm going to try to keep Hermione as a level headed as she is now and not become a swooning idiot. I've read those stories and I'm not a fan. Please let me know if I start to go too far off cousre with her character. It won't hurt my feelings.

Thank you for the great review!!!


 Report Review

Review #25, by ADarkRiddle Dinner Party pt 1

7th February 2013:
Hi, it s very good so far, I am looking froward to the next chapters.

Author's Response: ADarkRiddle,

Thank you for reading and taking the time to review, it means alot to hear from my readers. I hope to have the next chapter up shortly because it is already written. I just need to edit which I dread doing.

Thank you again!


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>