Reading Reviews for The Unexpected Guest
30 Reviews Found

Review #1, by krazyboutharryginny The Unexpected Guest

10th April 2015:
(Hi Lauren! I typed this out for CTF, but Molly ended up attacking this story before me... But I figured I may as well leave my review anyway! So...)
*clears throat* Okay. First of all, I absolutely love that George wouldn't allow his mother to talk him into a traditional funeral. Honestly, because of who Fred was as a person, it feels like a traditional dark and somber funeral wouldn't have helped anybody grieve properly, if that makes sense.
I absolutely adore the idea of Lily having all this pent-up doting and just fussing over Fred. (I also like to think that when Fred got to heaven, he totally geeked out over getting to meet THE Mr Prongs! lol)
You've really captured the absolute tragedy and the unfairness of Fred's death. George's emotions are handled really, really well here. They're believable, and they're DEVASTATING. It was cute and all when Fred and George were talking, but also just completely heartbreaking - the way they instantly slipped back into their old flow, for the last time.
You have some really great lines in here, too. My favourite was definitely "Well, grease my hair and call me Snape", and I loved the ear puns. They added a little bit of lighthearted humour to a very sad fic - which is perfect, considering who it's about!

 Report Review

Review #2, by HappyMollyWeasley The Unexpected Guest

10th April 2015:
Attack post, round 5, CTF


Oh, this story really touched me! I'm not usually a fan of storied told in second person, but you did it really well here.

Fred's death, and George's grief have always touched me. I guess everyone is touched by it, but as a mother of twin boys myself I've seen how special the bonds between twins are. I don't know if one could heal again after losing a twin.

It's totally believable that George would forget about Fred's death for a fraction of a moment, and then everything hits him again. I do understand why he has to run away from the ceremony too.

"Well aren't you a sight for dead eyes?' It's spot on, really. Fred would absolutely use that line!!! I love how you let the brothers talk and interact. This short visit will make every difference in George's life. He'll continue to miss his brother, but he knows that Fred's in a good place, and that death is just "passing through the veil". He has every chance to continue with his life now, despite what happened to his twin. I hope George really can make the most out of his life now, although his brother always will be missing.

"Is this real?" and "Mischief managed"... Oh, this does make me cry. So beautiful, and so sad. Thanks for sharing this with us!


 Report Review

Review #3, by Karou_Marauder The Unexpected Guest

12th July 2014:
Hi there!

This is so sad. Fred and George fics always make me tear up.

Of course Fred is going to watch his own funeral, that's just what he'll do. I love how everyone's wearing colourful robes, even Muriel. That's what Fred would want.

The banter between them, even though Fred's dead, is so weirdly normal, and it must be so strange for George to be talking to his dead twin. The love between them is obvious and shown really well. You've captured that beautifully.

And poor Weasleys... I hate how Fred's death tore them apart. They're so strong, and with him gone it's like they all lost a limb. I think George lost several.

Mischief managed, indeed. *wipes tear from cheek*

-Karou, 2014 House Cup Review

 Report Review

Review #4, by prankingthemarauders The Unexpected Guest

23rd April 2014:
I'm loving your stories Lauren, I really am :)

Firstly, I'd just like to say a HUGE congrats to you for writing in second person! I know not many authors attempt to write it but I think you've done it justice in your one-shot :)

OH MY GOODNESS THE FEELS! In the beginning you turned me into a blubbering mess, just reading how sad George was after Fred's death was so heartbreaking :(

But then when Fred appears...I actually thought that Fred was alive (just goes to show I'm as thick as Ron ey?) I think you've done the banter between the twins extremely well, it fits right in with what I expected!

Having them talk about all the people who were attending Fred's funeral was also a nice touch. I couldn't help but burst out laughing with the following line "Well grease my hair and call me Snape", it seemed like a very Fred thing to say :)

The line which really summed up the story for me was: "You don't want to be ok, you just want him back." Such an accurate depiction of George's feelings, so props to you!

Another amazing one-shot Lauren, cheers for the great read!

Tam :)

 Report Review

Review #5, by adluvshp The Unexpected Guest

7th March 2014:
Blackout Battle 1/15

Wow, this was just beautiful and it broke my heart into a million pieces and I am trying to glue them back together now but I keep crying xP

I think the way you portrayed George's pain here was quite unique and very beautifully written.
The relationship he shared with Fred was very special - a twin bond after all - and you definitely did justice to the emotion of one being teared away from the other.
Another thing I want to compliment you on is your hold on second person. I have come across so many stories in second person but so many of them get confusing. However, yours made perfect sense and it even made it all the more powerful.
I also loved the ending. It was nice that it ended on somewhat a hopeful note for George with the "closure" he got.
All in all, the oneshot made me cry and it made me give some sad smiles too. It was bittersweet, touching, and just very nicely written, Your descriptions were awesome and I really loved this.

Great job!

 Report Review

Review #6, by Maelody The Unexpected Guest

7th March 2014:
Let me breathe. Let me recompose myself. Let me get a tissue and wipe away the actual tears falling down my face! I go off choosing Fred/George stories and THIS is what I get? A fabulously written, heart-wrenching, beautiful story to read?

OK, seriously, this is beautiful. I'm in awe. No actual Fred/George after death scene has made me really cry (except for one long ago), and this one did! My heart is in my throat right now!

I don't remember where it's at, but there is one spot where you use 'your' instead of 'you're', but that's the only spot I caught. :)

"Mischief Managed." No better words have ever been said. No better funeral could I ever imagine for Fred, and no better reaction for George can I see. This is perfection, and you've done a wonderful job! I want to go read it again! I'm definitely adding this to my favorites! :D GREAT JOB! :)


 Report Review

Review #7, by MissesWeasley123 The Unexpected Guest

24th July 2013:
Hey Lauren!

Wow, another Gred and Forge tear jerker. I loved the way you wrote this, it was perfect. The perspective it was written in I had never read one like it before, and this was a wonderful way to look at George's pain. You could really feel for him. Those last moments he has with Fred before having to retreat back to the world is so agonizingly beautiful. It's poetic in a way.

I'm having reviewers block while writing this. I'm feeling so much, but I can't express it.

It was perfect.

Nadia :)

Author's Response: Hi Nadia!

Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving me such a lovely review!

The second person took a lot of deciding on but I'm glad you liked it! It felt the easiest way to get close to George's pain without it getting too dramatic.

I'm such a pile of mush after reading this review - thank you so much!

Lauren :)

 Report Review

Review #8, by nott theodore The Unexpected Guest

9th June 2013:
Hi Lauren!

Out of all the deaths in the last book, I think that Fred's was the one that really got me the most. I couldn't stop crying when I read that part - it's just so heart-breaking and completely devastating that he went through so much and still didn't survive. And if it's like that for us, how awful must it have been for George? I loved the way you wrote about the twins and how terribly hard it must have been for George at the funeral, and I thought this was really poignant and moving.

It's so hard to write in second person, because it can come across as quite awkward at times, but I loved the way you used it here. It just seemed to fit the piece so well; kind of illustrating George's detached perspective on the events but at the same time there was a sense of intimacy that really showed how broken George was by the whole thing.

Actually that's another thing you did really well in this one-shot - portray how much George was suffering but without overdoing it completely. I couldn't imagine the grief that comes with losing a sibling and for a twin, especially those like Fred and George, everything must be so much worse. But you struck the balance well here, with the shifts between melancholy and humour, so at times they were still the Fred and George that we all know and love.

There were so many little details in this that struck me as I read it, too. The way that Lily made Fred 'late' for his own funeral because she was fussing over him reminds me of Molly fussing over Harry; a role-reversal of sorts. Then Fred's tirade (which I can imagine rather well :P) about Muriel's presence at the funeral, and the gaudy decorations that just seem so fitting for Fred. Then there was the discussion of the reactions of the rest of the family, rather like what I imagine them to be, and Fred's message about Angelina towards the end. They were all just briefly mentioned but I think they really helped to make this a brilliant one-shot.

I loved the ending as well! Thank you for giving George some sense of peace at the end of this - I feel like it gave me a sense of peace as well because I knew that George had found some closure. Only Fred would be able to help him be strong in that way at the funeral, and the new eulogy was so fitting for the twins. Your characterisation of them was great throughout, especially in their speech.

I can't believe I haven't read this before, but it was so lovely and moving and I'm so glad I read it!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hey Sian,

I thought it was about time I started responding to these amazing reviews you've left me so apolagies if I turn into a massive pile of mush!

I can completely sympathise with Fred death being the worst for you, God - it left me so heartbroken I can't even describe. I loved the twins and even though they're so similar, Fred was my favourite. The reason I wrote this was because Fred is one of my fav characters.

The second person POV was hard to write, I changed the POV more than once let me tell you but this was the only one that felt like it worked. I'm happy you felt the same!!

Again, finding the balance was hard. I didn't want to down play his greif but a fred/george story wouldn't be the same without a bit of humour which is why the lighter bits were included.

The little details were actually some of my fav bits to write and I love it when people pick up on them. You've actually got most of them! The Lily one was just my way of saying that Fred wouldn't be alone in the next life. The angelina one was included as for me, George wouldn't have got with her otherwise. I don't know. I found their relationship a bit hard to take until I wrote this.

George had to have the peace. I couldn't finish it any other way. It would have been to cruel.

I can't tell you how much I appreciate this review! It really means a lot! Thank you for all your amazing comments!

Lauren :)

 Report Review

Review #9, by MirandaTraveler The Unexpected Guest

17th February 2013:
Oh my gosh. Thats probably the best one-shot I've ever read. Honestly. Great story, but so sad!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the leaving a review! Gosh - best one-shot? I'm not so sure, but thank you :) It does make me sad though!


 Report Review

Review #10, by academica The Unexpected Guest

16th February 2013:
Hello! I'm stopping by from Review Tag :)

The emotion in this piece was really quite tangible. You did a nice job with describing how hard it would be for George to come to terms with Fred's death, from the trouble he had breathing to his unwillingness to say the word 'dead.'

I love Fred's characterization, too. You've done great work with balancing his insatiable dry wit and the fact that with his death some of his usual levity has left him permanently, as symbolized by the slightly different look in his eyes. I like the little bit of awkwardness inherent in their conversation, too, especially the mistake with five, not six, brothers.

I also liked how George rephrased his eulogy, to make it more like what he and Fred wanted and less like what was expected of him. Even in his misery, he was able to let Fred live on through him.

The only thing that seemed a tad bit off to me here was the quote from Deathly Hallows. Don't get me wrong, I love that quote, and content-wise I think it fits here. The phrasing, though, seems a little too stiff for Fred and George. If you really want to include it, I'd recommend going back and paraphrasing it so that it sounds more natural. You will obviously still need to credit the source, though.

Nice work :)


Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for stopping by and thank you for such a great review!

I'm so happy you liked the characterisation of Fred and George - I was so worried about losing the two of them among all the emotion and seriousness of the matter. The mistake actually came into it as I made the mistake writing that line - counting all 6 of the brothers. It seemed to fit though - Fred forgetting that he wasn't with them anymore.

Even in misery I still can't see Fred and George conforming to what is expexcted of them. I think what George says is better than anything he would have been expected to say anyway.

Thanks for the advice - I will look into paraphrasing it. I love that quote too and when I was writing this I just had it in my head all the time. I see what you mean though so thanks!

Thanks again for such a lovely review!

Lauren :)

 Report Review

Review #11, by TheHeirOfSlytherin The Unexpected Guest

11th February 2013:
Hey, SamMalfoy93 here. :)

I love Fred and George stories, so even though I knew I'd be sad, I just had to pick this to read. It was heartbreaking, reading George run away, but I loved the heart-to-heart he had with Fred, that may or may not have been real...

His speech was prefect, pretty much summing up everything they did together. I loved that.

I also loved that it was written in the second person. It just felt more, well, sad, but in a good way. Like I could feel George's emotions better and stuff. Maybe it was just me, but I loved it.

Thank you for leaving a link for me to review. :)


Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for leaving a lovely review and apologies for how horribly late this response is!

I'm the same when it comes to Fred and George - I just have to read it even though I know I'll end up all sad over Fred's death once again.

I'm glad you liked the second person! I kept changing the POV but in the end stuck with second as I felt that it worked much better in the end so I'm really pleased you enjoyed it!

Thanks again for such a great review!

Lauren :)

 Report Review

Review #12, by kayla The Unexpected Guest

10th February 2013:
I'v never cried so much. This touched my hart.

Author's Response: Oh, sorry for making you cry! I'm glad you enjoyed the story though. Thank you for reviewing!


 Report Review

Review #13, by We Are Padfoot and Prongs The Unexpected Guest

6th February 2013:
I loved that, it was really good! I also like that Fred could come down and just resolve everything. I always think that would have been the hardest part- he never got to resolve anything with his family, so it wold have hurt everyone more.

Also, I love the fact that Lily was fussing over him. XD

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review!

Yeah - I didn't want that to be the end for Fred so this is some 'twin magic' as another reviewer called it. I couldn't resist adding the bit about Lily!

Thanks again,
Lauren :)

 Report Review

Review #14, by teh tarik The Unexpected Guest

5th February 2013:
I can never resist an angsty Weasley twin fic (especially anything to do with dead Fred), and I'm so glad to have the chance to read this piece. It's beautifully and poignantly written, and you've done a brilliant job at incorporating humour into the angst, drama and bleakness of the situation. So I've come across a few Fred's funeral fics before, and the best ones are always the ones which avoid too much melodrama and instead balance out the grief with moments of humour and lightness - just like your story here. After all, these are the Weasley twins :)

Your characterisation of the twins is quite wonderful - they're very much in-character and the conversation between them is so natural and smooth and well-written. You handle the transitions between the idiosyncratic humour and silly jokes and puns typical of the twins to the more sombre moments with grace and skill, and the whole piece has quite a wonderful flow, actually.

I love the moments of subtlety in your story as well - there was the part where George turns to his side to make a joke to Fred only to discover all over again that he's not there. I'm assuming the joke was about that strange tufty-looking wizard :) It would have been so fitting. And I love that you remembered Angelina in this story as well! That simple request Fred makes to George to take care of Angelina is so lovely, and of course, it hints at their eventual relationshion and future together.

I think you were also especially successful in your use of second person POV. It's not an easy narrative style to pull off - it can get pretty forced and unnatural in some stories, and a bit too contrived in others. But your use of this style was just wonderful and smooth, and it also lends a very intimate sense to the narrative. Gah, what I'm trying to say is, it's beautiful.

All in all, this is an amazing piece of writing. You've captured all the emotions poor George must have felt, and you've also given us a snapshot of the twins' relationship with each other. It's wonderful, how there's such a beautiful moment of hope despite all the grief and sadness of the whole scene. Thanks for writing this! Great work!


Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for a lovely review!

I love the Weasley twins too! Even though reading dead Fred upsets me so much I can't help but read it - it gets to me so much though. I'm glad you felt my version of his funeral was well written!

I'm really happy you liked my characterisation of the twins! I was so worried about not doing them justice so I can't tell you how much it means to me to read these comments!

I had to include the bit about Angelina. I honestly couldn't imagine the two of them getting together without that moment. I can't see George doing something like that without knowing Fred would be okay with it.

I'm relieved to hear you think the second person POV works too. I was really worried and kept swapping and changing but I am glad I stuck to it in the end.

Gosh - thank you so much for all your kind words, they really mean so much to me!

Lauren :)

 Report Review

Review #15, by CloakAuror9 The Unexpected Guest

25th January 2013:
Oh my, there are tears in my eyes! :'(

This was a really sad and beautiful one-shot. I loved every single moment of it. The way you wrote this in second person adds so much to the story, I almost felt like I was George for a moment. I know, it's weird.

Reading this gave me a sense of peace. I've read so many one-shots about George being so miserable without his other half and he probably was, but your story kinda went away from that. You made George happy instead and that is just amazing. ♥

Also, I think your characterisation of them is very accurate. They'd be one of the few people that I would expect to find humour in such a grim situation. And that bit about Fred taking a while to get to his own funeral because Lily was fussing over him, aww! That was just such a lovely thing to imagine, for Lily to take Fred almost as her own child; just like what Molly did with Harry.

Your writing is so smooth, I am jealous of you. Where can I get you skills?! This just has to go into my favourites. Definitely something I would love to keep re-reading.


46th review out of 100

Author's Response: Hello!

Another review! Wow, thank you so much!

Oh - sorry about the tears. I think it's a bad side-effect of losing Fred to be honest. I'm still not over it!

I'm glad you got on with the second person - it took me a while to decide whether to use it or not and I'm glad I went for it in the end.

I hate the thought of George being so sad and lonely without Fred so this is my little way of trying to make him better. Characterisation was something I was terrified of getting wrong so you saying that had made my day!

I'm glad you picked up on the Lily comment! That was exactly what I was intending :)

Thanks again for an amazing review!

 Report Review

Review #16, by CambAngst The Unexpected Guest

22nd January 2013:
First off, I have to give a shout out to Rosie (Remus / Perelandra) for bringing this story to my attention. You have a true fan in that one.

And now you have a true fan in me, too. These Fred/George stories always yank on the old heartstrings, but you did an extra-special job with this one. From the start, you pulled me right into the utter devastation that George is dealing with as he grieves for his brother. I was really impressed with the way that you projected those feelings of emptiness, loss and pain -- ordinarily I'd say that I loved it, but love is just an odd word to use for something so gut-wrenching. The way that you mixed and matched the physical sensations with the emotional was instantly recognizable to anyone who's ever had to cope with such a terrible loss.

When George flees the funeral, it took me a minute to get my head around what he'd done, and I really liked the effect. Everything felt disjointed and out of place, which must be exactly how George was feeling. Part of the beauty of what you did here, I think, is that I never felt at ease until Fred appears. Then the whole tenor of the piece changes.

I really love the idea of Fred's spirit -- whether or not it's "all in George's head" -- arriving to help George find his way out of the darkness. Their conversation had a perfect sort of ebb and flow to it. They wandered back and forth between cleverly irreverent and very serious. There were moments that made me want to laugh and moments that made me want to cry.

A couple of themes permeated the whole thing: one being the twins eternal need to be clever and different and the other being their deep interdependency with the rest of their family. I thought you did a fantastic job with George's descriptions of how the rest of the family was coping and an even better job of making Fred's concerns and desires come across so clearly and believably. I especially liked the way that Harry and Hermione have been integrated into the family as siblings of a sort, but there's also a clear sense of what they mean to Ginny and Ron, respectively.

A couple of other nice touches: when Fred curses a blue streak about Muriel being invited and when he asks George to take care of Angelina.

The ending to this was so uplifting. Sometimes it's hard to find the silver lining in the things that happened to the Weasleys during the war. I can't always do it, to be honest. But Fred really manages to set George on the path to recovery here.

Your writing was lovely in this. I couldn't find a thing wrong with it, and I'm a tough editor. ;)

I'm going to go thank Rosie for pointing me toward this. It was a wonderful read and I enjoyed every bit of it!

Author's Response: Hello :)

I was completely shocked when Rosie liked this story so much and then when she recommended it I was so touched. Thank you though for such an amazing review, I literally don't know how to respond...

I'm glad you thought the way I dealt with George's grief was right. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose one of my sisters and I think the fact that it's George's twin could only make the situation worse. I have been worried it was a bit melodramatic but I'm happy you didn't find it so.

I really wanted Fred to be able to help his brother and also bring back the notion that the ones who love us never truly leave us and I felt this was the best way to do it. I'm not really sure if it's just in George's head or not but it helps him and that was the important thing for me. Another reviewer called it twin magic which I really liked the idea of!

I'm glad you picked up on Harry and Hermione being part of the family. I always think they're counted by all the Weasleys so it made sense to me anyway.

I had orginally thought out what I was going to put in for when Fred curses about Muriel but I don't think it would have got through validation so I'll just leave it to your imagination. I also had to put in the bit about Angelina as I couldn't imagine the two of them getting together unless George knew Fred was ok with it.

Thank you again for leaving such an amazing review, I really appreciate it!

Lauren :)

 Report Review

Review #17, by Remus The Unexpected Guest

22nd January 2013:
Hey! Perelandra here!

So I'm here because you helped my fic, His Pack of Four, reach the 100 review mark. :D So first of all, thank you! Second, I picked this fic because I'm a sucker for Fred/George Weasley Fics. They're either just funny or so angsty and by the labels you have...I think I might need some tissues.

Just so you know...I usually read and review as I go along. Not very often do I get so engrossed with a story that I forget to review. You, my dear, managed that. I just...couldn't stop. I was both teary eyed and smiling at the same time. I don't think that has ever happened before with a fic! So many, many kudos to you and your brilliant writing.

The banter between Fred and George was spot on. I wouldn't change anything about it. Even the funeral being colorful seemed so...Fred and George.

The line where Fred mentions Lily fussing over him was great. But the line that got to me the most was 'if he ever hurts our darling baby sister again, that even a murdering nutcase with a bad nose job and a pet snake is no comparison for what si- five brothers can do?'---its like he hasn't come to terms that he's dead.

I'm sorry I don't have much to say but this was just brilliant. Again, you did an amazing job! I'm adding this to my favorites.

Thank you for both the review and the amazing read.


Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so so much for this amazing review and adding the story to your favourites and for recommending it to others too! It was such a lovely surprise and I can't tell you how much it means to me that you enjoyed it!

I don't even know how I'm going to respond to all this awesomeness...

I didn't mean to make you teary eyed but I know most Fred/George things do the same to me so I know how you feel! I'm glad you smiled though, I wanted it to have a few light-hearted spots. This is Fred and George we're talking about! Even in the most depressing situation they still have their humour.

I'm glad you liked the colourful funeral - Fred and black just don't go. I wanted to mention Lily as I wanted to keep with theme that those who love us never truly leave us - hopefully it got across the point that Lily is waiting for Harry. Yeah - I don't think I've come to terms with his death yet either and it's nearly 6 years now I think!

Just thank you once again! The review meant so much to me!

Lauren :)

 Report Review

Review #18, by Han The Unexpected Guest

20th January 2013:
I'm in tears, that was amazing!

Author's Response: Oh, sorry for the tears but I'm really happy you enjoyed it!

Lauren :)

 Report Review

Review #19, by Jchrissy The Unexpected Guest

13th January 2013:
Hi darling!

First, let me try and put the tiny pieces of my heart back together. Deep breaths. Phew Fredís death was one of the hardest Hogwarts era ones for me. Nothing can make me sadder than losing all my Marauders, but Fred is pretty damn close.

I think you made a very, very good decision with the second person. George is hard to pin down after Fredís death, I think. I wrote a one shot for a friend that showed the famly dealing with their grieving, and honestly my head canon with how they all handled it is very similar to yours. So that was a really pleasant surprise!

Back to the second person. So, considering you are doing this from Georgeís perspective, I donít think you could have gone with anything better than second person. With first person, you would have to cut out a lot of the deeper emotions that are really necessary for this, and third would have felt detached. But second really gave you room to show how completely broken George is. You said you were worried about the characterization, but I honestly think you did amazing job. I think you could have taken out a few of their one liners in the middle, and inserted something slower. Something like Fred and George just sitting together, George trying so hard not to let him go, before you bring him to that sense of peace he gets at the end.

Speaking of that, I LOVE that you did give him that sense of peace. This feeling that, even though it is so terrible and so hard, it will be okay.

I am really happy that you did decide to show a broken George. I donít like when his grieving is underplayed, I think itís so important to show that Fredís death really did crush George and you did that very well in this.

You have a few places where you forget to add the comma after the dialogue, and a few words that feel out of place. But not many at all, so I would just go back through it whenever you get time.

Honestly my only real suggestion, besides a quick read through, is to give us a more dramatic change between the banter between the boys, George needing to go back to give his speech and having to say goodbye to Fred. Like I said, I love that you added that sense of peace at the end. But I think before that some kind ofÖ break down.. almost, would feel right. When Fred is saying that he has to go, telling George what he needs to do... just adding a bit more in there where Fred really has to convince George that it will be okay, that he needs to be strong. Nothing huge, maybe just expand on George's pleading look before you bring us around to that feeling of peace.

This was very, very beautiful, mídear ♥

Author's Response: Hello :)

Thank you again for a great review!

Oh, I know how you feel. Fred's death was unexpected to me, most other characters I didn't want to die but I had almost prepared myself for but I was a totally heart broken by Freds!

I'm really glad you liked the use of second person. I did switch it a few times but in the end this was the only way that worked for me.

I'm also glad you liked that I showed George broken. I can't see how he would be anything but after losing his twin who he practically shared most of his life with. But we know in the future that he manages to get on with life and so on and I just liked the idea that Fred had helped him do that.

Thanks for the suggestion, as always I will go back over it when I have the chance. I really like that idea of him completely breaking down though, getting everything out that he's been bottling up. I will definitely try to add something like that in - thank you!

The one-shot you mentioned also sounds interesting, I will definitely have to check that out as soon as I get the chance!

Thanks again for an amazing review as always.
Lauren :)

 Report Review

Review #20, by ChaosWednesday The Unexpected Guest

7th January 2013:
Hey there, it's Whiskey from the forums with a very belated review...Sorry about that :( I'll try to make this extra good :P

I'm a big Fred and George fan, so reading about them is a bit of a double-edged sword - as much as I love stories with the twins, I'm usually too critical about their portrayal to just relax and enjoy the show. That being said, there was quite a lot I liked in this one shot!

First, very interesting choice to use "you" in the narration. It's an unusual tactic for bringing the reader closer to the action while also hinting at how detached George is from his own emotions as he processes the shock of losing a part of himself. There have been studies into trauma coping mechanisms that concluded that trauma can be summarized as the loss of an inner picture of the self. In this case, George narrating with the general "you" seems also to be an attempt on his part to connect his emotions to something another person could also be feeling, thus to re-establish a complete sense of self. I might be over-interpreting here, but I just found it to be a fitting stylistic decision. One thing I expected to see, though, and didn't was some sort of switch in tone after George has his epiphany/pep-talk with the imagined Fred/closure. Clearly the experience changes him, because he choses to go back. Having the narration evolve from "you" to "I" would have made George's development more poignant. Or you could have made it "we" if that doesn't seem too over the top...Basically, when chosing a format that corresponds to the content, it is important to be consistent about it. When the content changes, so should the form.

What I found most interesting about this one shot was that it gave the reader the channce to experiece Fred and George being honest about their feelings. I suspect one would have to jump through hoops while wearing a corsette to get even a few straight-forward words from either of them under usual circumstances. Based on the impression I got from the books, the twins are very intuitive, they are more the type to act first and think later (if at all). I liked how you aknowledged that fact by having their imaginary conversation drag on awkwardly at first until the facade just shatters when Fred makes one little mistake. The way Fred is sorry to hurt his family and encourages George to participate in the funeral (something so organized and institutional, I'm sure the twins would usually be physically incapable of taking it seriously) was very odd to read. It didn't feel like Fred and George at all. But that's the point, I suspect. The phenomenon of Fred and George is over. Allowing their joker mask to come off and letting them say more "normal","boring" things is just another way of showing the end of an era. So all in all, I think what you did worked very well.

But I did notice a few non-Georgy moments in other parts of the story where I thought they seemed out of place. The first paragraph is one example. It's just very angsty and melodramatic. Also, this sentence "You're no longer whole; the other half of yourself has been snatched cruelly away and left behind this broken shell that can barely function from one passing second to the next," is a bit long and awkward sounding. There are many metaphors and adverbs and similes...I would recommend that you try separating it into several sentences and settle for less imagery and more depth. I liked the description of the breath, maybe you could focus more on that and leave out the part about the empty shell, since it does seem a bit, well, cliche.
There were a few other sentences I would extend this advice to: "You turn to tell your brother the joke that's already starting to form in your clever mind but as you gaze at the empty space next to you realisation hits you like a train wreck once more, battering your fragile body with everything you've worked so hard not to feel."
"And just like that, with just that small, almost joke, your pain all but vanishes and you feel lighter without the weight of missing him hung around your neck."
I think the story could benefit a lot if you clean up some of the imagery, shorten some of the sentences and tone down the melodrama just a bit. Imagine you are George...what kind of things does he notice? Would he ever describe himself as an empty shell? Or would he ever say this: "You vowed never to leave each other. What's happened to that promise now?" This sounds more like something you would say about a lover...a bit confusing.

Well, that's it, all I could come up with!I hope I could be helpful and didn't come accross as too critical. This was an unusual one-shot and I am glad you requested it :)

Author's Response: Hello :)

It took me a while to decide whether to use second person or not, but in the end I couldn't make the one-shot work for me any other way. I hadn't quite thought of it the way you did interpret it but it does seem to make sense what you said. I also never thought of changing the style after the closue. It's an interesting suggestion and I will definitely consider it, I just didn't want it to be confusing with changing the narration but it is a very good suggestion :)

Yes, I think the Fred and George as we know them would have changed. They still did some jokes as they wouldn't have been able to help themselves but I think Fred's death would have made George more serious.

Thank you for your suggestions though I will take them on board when I get the chance to edit it.

Thank you for the review! I appreciate it!


 Report Review

Review #21, by Voldy Needs a Hug The Unexpected Guest

31st December 2012:
This was quite an original one-shot. It was an enjoyable read because it was short and distinctly stands out among all of the cliches that I have recently read (I really do wish there were more one-shots like this one).

I also found your second person writing style to be unique. This is the first fanfiction I have read from such a perspective, and I would say you have perfected it. Now if only I had that sort of skill...

Let's just say that I had to restrain myself from full-out sobbing like a baby at the beginning of the one-shot. You very accurately captured George's emotions, making them seem very realistic and relatable. Poor George!

I liked the Weasley twins' interaction with one another. Even Fred and George were able to insert a little humor into such a grim situation. They seemed accurately portrayed, and their dialogue was very fitting.

I only found one spelling mistake (nothing major):
"The fighting with your mother was endless and exhaustingt but youíre pleased you didnít back down."

Excellent job!

Author's Response: Hello :)

Thank you for a lovely review!! I'm glad you got on with the second person style... It took me ages to decide whether to go for it or not and in the end I am glad I did :)

Oh, sorry you got upset :( Writing the thing killed me though! I didn't want either Fred or George to be alone and it's so heartbreaking writing the two of them when they are!!

I'm so happy you think I got the humour between the two of them right. It's always a huge concern for me when I try and write these pair!!

Thanks for pointing out the mistake... I will go and correct it as soon as I get the chance!!

Thank you so much again!

 Report Review

Review #22, by Pixileanin The Unexpected Guest

29th December 2012:
Gryffie tag!

Now this was a great idea for a one-shot. Firstly, I have to say that you hand;ed second-person very well. I've never attempted to write it, because it seems like it would come off as awkward as anything, but it worked really well here, especially with the detached way that George was feeling when he was called up to say something at the funeral.

The easy dialogue that the brothers fall into almost instantly was really well done as well. I could hear them in my head going back and forth as George regained something of what he lost in those moments.

"Well grease my hair and call me Snape."

That made me laugh. And so did several other of your lines in this piece. You have a knack for mixing up the serious and the comedic and I think that it was just the right balance here. I never forgot that I was reading about the twin pranksters. You captured them very well and I enjoyed reading this one-shot.

I don't know why, but it's not letting me do a review while signed in. This is Pixileanin from the forums, just in case that didn't come through when I hit the "submit review" button.

Great piece!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for a lovely review!! I didn't orignally write in in the second person and I kept changing it back and forth for a while because I wasn't convinced it worked to start with but I'm glad I went with it in the end!

Ahh I love the twins, they're dialogue is so fun to write! I have to admit, that is one of my fav lines too!

Thanks again for a lovely review!

 Report Review

Review #23, by Gabriella Hunter The Unexpected Guest

29th December 2012:
Hello! :*)

You didn't ask me to review this for you but I thought that I would anyway. And, oh, my goodness, I have to inhale a little because I almost burst into tears. I try to avoid Fred's funerals when I read FF's, mostly because I'm such a sap and I don't want to blubber my way through a review. But I'll do it for you! :D
Interesting narration with this too, I don't think I read too many in second person (?) and I thought that it was a unique bit for this. I felt closer to George through this entire thing and his pain was so wonderfully written that I had to pause a little before I could continue. It paints such a picture in my mind, seeing him there at his brother's funeral, wanting and needing to say something but giving in to his own sadness. :(
I thought you wrote it beautifully.
And, oh, the conversation with Fred! I sniffled, my lip tremble and I laughed and wished that it could have gone on for a lot longer. I thought that him coming to see George and bringing him back up, even when the conversation was stilted a little, was what he needed. I think knowing that he had Fred and that he could still love him even after he was gone meant the most. :)
And just a hint of Georgelina in the future? Hehe. I'm a huge shipper for that so perhaps you'll give me a whole story someday? *Wink, wink*
Anyway, this was pretty amazing and I really loved it. I only spotted two or three grammar things but otherwise, it was wonderful. :)
I've got two Georgelina things on my site and I thought that, since you like Fred/George and such anyway, if you would want to read them? :D
Anyway, great job!
Much love and see you on the forums!

Author's Response: Hello! Aww thanks so much for reviewing! I really appreciate it!

I know what you mean about getting upset, I sit and cry my way through so many of these. Killing Fred absolutely killed me when I read it in the books. I just didn't expect it and it really broke my heart! So even though I hate that it happened I really wanted to give Fred the funeral I imagined and also give him the chance to say bye and help George out :).

Yes I had to get a bit of Georgelina in there. I just didn't picture it happening though until George knew Fred was okay with it so this is him giving George his blessing so to speak :). I would love to write more about it but I'll have to see if inspiration hits me. I was intending to do one about George though later in life with him reflecting over his life - whether you'd be interested in that? I would love to check out your stuff - I promise I will be visiting you the second I get chance too!

Thanks again for a lovely review - it has made my day and I will therefore be putting it on the Reviews that made your day topic :D


 Report Review

Review #24, by Elphaba and Boyfriends The Unexpected Guest

26th December 2012:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review! :)

I enjoyed this story a lot, and don't have much in the way of critique for it. The second-person point of view was a bit jarring at first (probably because it's not used very often) but I settled into it easily enough once I got to Fred and George's conversation.

You did a very good job of maintaining George's point of view throughout, and your characterization of both him and Fred seem spot-on, to me.

The only grammatical error I found is this run-on sentence: "He opens his eyes the sadness in them is evident." Overall, your writing is very clean.

I think you balance the humor and serious very well. It's hard to pick out a favorite funny moment because there are so many. :) This might be it, though: "I've even reduced McGonagall to tears George! Actual tears! We've been trying to achieve that for years!" This definitely seems like a goal they would strive for, and I can imagine she really would have cried, and Fred really would have been amused by it.

In addition to the funny lines, there are a lot of little touching details like Fred asking George to take care of Angelina, and George telling Fred that their parents haven't been doing well.

Well done! :)

Author's Response: Thank you for such a positive review! I'm really glad you enjoyed it!

Oops... I'd not noticed that one! I'll go and edit it soon - thanks!

Haha, I liked writing that line, but then I enjoyed writing all their funny lines. I just love Fred and George!

Thanks again for a lovely review!

 Report Review

Review #25, by luvinit The Unexpected Guest

21st December 2012:
Wow that was really good.
I love it

Author's Response: Thank you for leaving a review! I'm so glad you liked it =)


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>