I really liked how you started, it was just so typical of Hermione to be going around and attempting to change the statute of secrecy. I really liked seeing this revolutionary Hermione, and it just showed how much she had risen in the wizarding world, as she had managed to create the change SPEW was campaigning, and now to tackle something so much bigger.
We so rarely get to see the younger generation of Weasleys interacting with the older ones, so it was such a pleasure to see Hermione and Albus here. I love Albus too, he just seemed so likeable, and not the usual portrayal we see of him. I really liked that he and Hermione seemed to get one well, and it made my heart warm.
The suspense you built up about what was going on was great too. The parcel seemed rather inconspicuous at first, and then it gradually dawned on the reader and Hermione that something was not completely right. I did feel a little sorry for Albus being out of the loop for a while, but it was interesting that Hermione trusted him enough to tell him straight away. I guess itís because heís and adult, and sheís knows what itís like not knowing whatís exactly going on.
Her reaction to Greyback was great, and so realistic. You could sense her almost wanting to let him be free, as she supports people getting a second chance. Then there was that sense of whether he would be safe if he was allowed out, or whether it would lead to more victims. I so rarely hear about Death Eaters in stories after Hogwarts, and I thought it was really interesting to hear about them a considerable time late.
I thought this was an excellent chapter, and it showed a really interesting perspective of post-war Britain, and how Hermione still canít escape the past.
-Kiana :DAuthor's Response: Hi, Kiana!
I'm really glad that you enjoyed it. This story started as a strange little inspiration that came to me while I was writing Conspiracy of Blood. I jotted down a bunch of ideas and set it aside, then came back to it a couple of months after CoB was finished.
I'm glad that I was able to make Hermione feel familiar to you. A big part of selling this, I thought, was giving the reader a Hermione that they could relate to. Similar to the Hermione from the books, but older, wiser and more experienced. That said, she still has a bit of an impulsive streak.
I really wish I could find more stories where the canon and Next Gen characters participate equally in the plot. Canon characters are usually glossed over in Next Gen stories and when Next Gen characters appear in stories focused on the canon characters, they're usually small children. I really loved the idea of Albus as his aunt's protege. A smart, young, up-and-coming attorney who shares her passion for social justice.
If you get around to reading the second chapter, don't forget about the parcel. There's an interesting story behind it.
I'm glad that the situation with Greyback seemed morally ambiguous. That's exactly what I was shooting for.
I hope I can lure you back for chapter 2 at some point. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Hi there! I'm here with your review exchange and I'm sooo sorry for how long it's taken me! :O
This was such a great first chapter. You had me instantly hooked from the moment I started reading... Your writing style is absolutely brilliant and the descriptions were so awesome! I don't think I've ever read a fan fiction where Hermione seemed so canon! Her arguments with Albus (Who I totally thought was a counselor at first, so bravo for that ;D) were so intense and I could actually feel myself getting angry by some of the things that were happening...
This line really opened my eyes...
"For you to tell me that my parents can't come see me at St. Mungo's if I'm sick or attend their grandson's Hogwarts graduation... That's simply not acceptable."
I never even thought about this not being a possibility for muggle-borns but it totally makes sense and I'm glad Hermione is taking a stand against it!
Another thing I loved about this story is that you made Albus part of the Magical Law Enforcement Squad instead of predictably making him an Auror. It gives him a lot more character and personality when you're able to guess and try to understand why he chose one over the other. I also like how Hermione and Al have obviously formed a huge bond over it, it seems like they are friends as well as relatives and I love when I can say that about my own family members!
I thought it was really interesting how you changed the whole plot of this story with one little twist... that package! I totally thought at first that Hermione was going to do something about the Statute and then all of a sudden *BANG!* new plot! It was really cool and I totally didn't see it coming xD (I'm really curious as to who sent it to her though..)
Oooh, your description of Albus' first sights of Greyback gave me chills... I really hate that man with a great passion and if I were ever faced with him, my blood would probably go cold too. :S With that said, I hope Hermione does everything in her power to keep him locked up... He's such a disgusting person.
Ahhh, what?! Albus was sticking up for Greyback? :O I know he didn't know much about him, but still, that struck a bit of a nerve in me. I'm glad Hermione is taking it personally though (even though lawyers and law enforcement aren't supposed to) because Greyback has no right to get out. He's a pure monster! Thank you so much for writing this and getting my blood boiling! I needed a good story to read where I got super invested in it :) I'll most definitely read the next chapter soon and I can't wait to see what happens next!
So so great! Keep writing, you've got a real talent (:
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Hello, there! I hope your surgery went well and you're feeling much better!
The idea of using the practice negotiation between Albus and Hermione to introduce both characters and sort of conceal the true nature of the story for a bit seemed like a good way to start off, so I'm glad you liked it. I wanted to try to show that this is still the Hermione Weasley (nee Granger) who fights for justice and equal treatment of all. She's not vengeful and bitter about the war, at least not in general terms. It takes something very specific to set her off.
I get pretty turned off by most stories -- there are some exceptions, of course ;) -- where any of the Next Gen kids become Aurors. After all they fought and suffered through during the war, I don't think that Harry, Ron, Hermione and the others would have wanted that life for their children. That's not to say that it wouldn't have happened in some cases, but Albus always seemed too sensitive.
The identity of the package sender is revealed in chapter 2. It might not be who you think. ;)
Albus is willing to give Greyback the benefit of the doubt because he would pretty much be willing to give any werewolf the benefit of the doubt. He grew up steeped in his aunt's idealism, hearing stories about Teddy's father, the heroic werewolf who overcame discrimination to become one of the heroes of the war. He doesn't realize what Greyback is all about. People that horrible don't exist in his sheltered world. He might change his opinion by the time this is over...
I'm really glad that you enjoyed this. Thanks so much for the lovely review! Report Review
Hi, I just read this story and enjoyed it immensely. It was nicely paced and just the right length to read in one sitting. Your excellent writing shows through here as always. The descriptions flowed smoothly through the changing moods and scenes of the story. It also built up nicely with enough unpredictability to keep the reader curious and engaged. It didn't take long for me to be completely immersed and captivated once the story got going. The opening discussion with 'the counselor' scene put us into the story right away, introduced us to Hermione's career world, and demonstrated her formidable tenacity and debating skills which would later come into use. Your characterizations and dialogue were excellent, and your descriptions vivid, not overdone or underdone.
All in all, this story had just the right feel. It created suspense and a real sense of danger. When the action happened, it was intense enough and went on long enough to be satisfying and exciting. And you brought it to a satisfying close. This was an excellent and well-executed story. The writing was polished with no flaws. Thank you for sharing your talent with us. A well-written, suspenseful, action story is always a delight to find on the archive, and this one is great!Author's Response: Hi, there! I'm so pleased to hear that you enjoyed it. I actually got the idea for this story when Conspiracy of Blood was about a third of the way done. I wrote and outline and the first scene with Hermione and Al and then set it aside until just recently. I do that a lot, actually.
It's really good to know that the story's atmosphere worked for you. I did a fair bit of tweaking to try to get it just so.
Thanks so much for reading and taking a minute to review! Report Review
Afternoon. *waves* Sorry about how long you've had to wait for this, I fell asleep and then woke up this morning with work to do.
On the bright side, I've read this chapter three times, so maybe this review will be slightly more intelligent than my usual crap. No promises there, though.
Your Memory Chamber thing's a really cool idea, you know that? It seems exactly like the kind of thing someone like Hermione would've pushed for in a post-Sirius Wizarding world. (Although maybe not on Level Nine, 'cause that's the Department of Mysteries according to the Lexicon. Level Ten is where Harry's scary courtroom is in canon, so maybe put it there instead? )
Your description of it is concise and it really works, too.
While your descriptions of the Great Hall are similarly pretty good, I feel like the structure of them is a bit awkward. It's easy to believe that the Great Hall is empty at the beginning because you start with the great cavernous rooms etc. etc. rather than the more immediate and obvious (and logical) OH MY GOD THIS PLACE IS FULL OF PEOPLE TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER. I'm also wondering what kind of person Albus is for noticing the furniture first, considering this is mostly in his perspective... I don't know, maybe I'm just stupid?
As for Greyback... hmm. Okay, so he's how he would've been depicted in canon. Problem is, though, that JKR wouldn't have thought of this either: he's at least in his late seventies here - probably older - and he's spent over twenty of those years doing not much in Azkaban. As well as the fact that he'd have spent a part of his sentence in pre-inevitable-reform Azkaban. I'm not sure how agile he'd be at this point to be able to attack as well as he does, even if they are almost all distracted. The only person he should really be able to attack is Albus, who's had no training or any idea what he's up against... unless the Hit Wizards are still as useless as they were in the eighties.
Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong; I have no idea what I'm on about, probably.
It's pretty obvious you've read Dumbledore's Army and the Year of Darkness, as the only difference between your Seamus and Thanfiction's is that yours says "lass" instead of "darlin'". :P
Anyway. The clues make sense now! The meeting between Seamus and Hermione makes a pretty good ending - it takes us away from all the bureaucracy and danger and reminds us of the quieter, sadder moments implied by canon. I was unsure of where you were going to take it at first, but it's nice. Well done.Author's Response: So I've been pondering this review for a couple days now, not quite sure how to answer. I appreciate some of what you're saying and in other places I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say. I'll do my best.
The Memory Chamber solved a very significant problem for me. I didn't want to write a scene where umpteen members of the Wizengamot all line up and tumble headfirst into the same pensieve, one after the other. That just sounded dumb. So why not a room that's a gigantic pensieve? As far as Level Nine vs. Level Ten. Sure. You got me. If it means that much, please feel free to imagine it's on Level Ten.
At the very beginning of Hermione's memory, the Great Hall is empty. This is the time when everyone is outside, mourning Harry's apparent death and watching Neville decapitate Nagini. Then the action moves inside and yes, PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO KILL ONE ANOTHER! Albus notices the furniture first because he starts out looking upward, toward the partially destroyed ceiling, and gradually looks downward.
Greyback is definitely getting on in years, but he's still a werewolf and he has the element of surprise. I don't think the Hit Wizards expected him to try to escape because nobody else did.
I did read Year of Darkness and that version of Seamus definitely influenced the way he's portrayed here. This Seamus isn't covered with runes, however, or dabbling in dark magic. He simply can't abide the notion that the monster who killed Lavender is allowed to go on living. I'm really glad that you liked the ending. I thought that the way Hermione encourages Seamus to seek forgiveness and redemption made a nice contrast to the way she's determined to see Greyback die in prison for what he's done.
As always, I found this review to be challenging and though-provoking. Please feel free to stop by any time! Report Review
It's me again! I'm happy to see you survived the first of my nice long reviews; always nice to know you haven't killed your Santee off first day of the job! Today is your very lucky day, as I've finally got a chance to sit down and get on the reviews (what a treat - an escuse to read such good stories all day) and I'm so sorry for the wait! There are no excuses for falling behind, and I can't thank you enough for giving me more patience than I deserve for this!
(Also, the layers in the package make MUCH more sense now! Thank you so much for helping my terribly slow mind get through things that should not have been that difficult!)
And to the actual review - same thing as last time. Thoughts as I read, and then summing it all up and not being able to do anything other than say how beautiful it is because there is nothing to fix!
Oooh - memories! I had figured the evidence would be presented in memory form, but the way you described the Memory Room has me in quite a state of suspense! It does say a lot about the Ministry, the way they have things decorated. I'm also curious about how having actual memories changes the way the courts work. I feel like it would be a really strange experience, to see someone's memory presented in such a formal place, and adding all those witnesses by having them see must do something to everyone involved. It would also be interesting to see how the Ministry would handle memories that have been tampered with, given that not all tampering would be by choice, if the event were tragic enough. Okay, back to reading as I'm sure you'll give me a hundred more things to think about and my musings will be dealt with! Really sets up a good scene though, bringing the Memory Room in!
Gah, memories are SUCH amazing things, and I ADORE how you incorporated the power of a memory in here. I felt Albus' confusion at what on earth could be so bad and Hermione's recognition that war is a terrible thing that is really difficult to witness. Her words to Albus were so simple, but said so much. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!
That is such a haunting description of the castle in its state of horror and distress. In the books, the focus of the Battle of Hogwarts is very much on fighting and Harry does this, Mrs. Weasley does that. The physical destruction of what have always been signs of unity were not as big a part of the Battle, and they don't crop up as often in fan fiction, but once it was here, I couldn't think of anything else as I started the memory.
Greyback also voiced an objection that had been brewing in the back of my mind for a while now, since I wasn't sure Hermione would be able to access memories that would be strong enough to convince Wizengamot that weren't from the Battle. This certainly had got my interest and I'm excited to see how she makes her case, as well as Albus' opinions on how Hermione handles it.
Oh - Hermione is very good, isn't she? That seems like a lot of potential damage to risk for her case, without warning anyone to not be as swept away by the Battle as Fenrir was, but I'm sure she has more tricks up her sleeve and I just need to be patient!
Oh - everything makes sense now, but I still feel ... uneasy? That's what good stories do though; no one is right or wrong in the end. The set up for Hermione's meeting with Seamus was masterfully done. You balanced Hermione's intense disgust with Fenrir's actions and her gentle and caring side so well, with her herbal tea in front of a dark and unknown (well, to the reader at least) place that seemed shady, but somehow still tranquil.
It stuck me as odd, however, that Hermione would be so close to Seamus. I can easily see the story that would tell it, with them being in the same year and house, and Hermione accepting the past, but I would be interested to read more about how Hermione's relationships beyond those with Harry and Ron grew as she grew up and everyone faced having to rebuild after the war was over.
Seamus was probably my favorite character in the whole story, although everyone was so well done I might just have about thirty favorites! You captured a broken man brilliantly. Everything, his words, his actions, the body language, everything was perfect! He gave me chills right in the feels as hermione tried to offer him a quiet pale in the Ministry, but he was still working through the healing process and a life with healing was better than a quiet life where nothing was quite as... raw? I don't know, but I don't know if he really knew either.
I could probably keep reading the finer details of this for another hundred thousand words, especially about Albus. His reactions right in the middle really made me want to know more about his more settled and complete thoughts on his aunt's actions. We saw a lot of his uneasiness in the beginning, but you've done such an amazing job of giving him so much life that I can't help but wonder how he feels about Fenrir being provoked and how Fenrir was far more horrible than Albus could have imagined.
The story has been sitting with me for a while now, having had a beautiful window for fantastic fanfiction ruined and crumbling at my feet, so while I wanted to immediately jump to the next chapter, I think the final reveal about Lavender and Seamus made the initial actions much more vivid, after having so much time to wonder what had happened that gave Hermione so much reason to hate Fenrir and to fight the case.
Look out for more reviews later tonight, and I'm so sorry for the delay! Thank you so much for being so patient, and I hope you've had a good 2013 so far! :)
SantaAuthor's Response: Hi, there.
What's done is done, so there's really no point in dwelling on it. Thank you for the two reviews that you were able to find time to do and I hope you had a nice holiday. Report Review
You're my first review of the year! Yay! :D I'm off to a good start, I think! :D
I absolute love the idea of the Memory Chamber. I often wondered if pensives were used for a trails but then I began to question on the 'how' behind it. I hope JKR has something like this in the 'extra' parts she's written and make it canon. If not, then 1) she's missing out in a great idea and 2) this will just become my head canon and there's no one that will stop me.
Your Greyback is fantastic. Its like he knows he's playing a game of chess and is very cautiously planning all of his moves ahead of time, however, he doesn't know Hermione very well. When he told Albus to tell Harry 'hi' I felt the idea was rather chilling but nicely written.
"Something seemed to be stirring inside him, just below the placid surface of his composure" --that is a scary thing when it comes to werewolves. Part of me is sure that the images are stirring his wolf up...but then again I'm really trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. That he just feels remorseful of what he's done in the past.
As I was reading this, I was like everyone else in the room...transfixed on the memory. So Greyback's attack took me by a total surprise. Great job on that part! :D Even though I know what is going to happen in the Duel with Voldemort...I still found myself holding my own breath. When Greyback attacked though, I was brought back to the real story I was reading and knew that his werewolf got the better of him. Now I have to ask...was he faking it the whole time or was the werewolf unchained when he saw the images of carnage? The actions scenes were, as always, fantastic! I was afraid he was seriously going to bite Albus! :O
Your Seamus reminds me of the bitter Seamus from Dumbledore's Army and the Year of Darkness. The anger he feels, the hatred...I really like him though. And you killed poor Lavender Brown! :( She wasn't one of my favorites but I still hold on to hope that she survived the attack...but after further research I know I shouldn't. Only Pottermore will give me the straight answer because I wasn't able to find that interview.
Anyway, overall this was a great chapter. You got me a bit teary eyed towards the end.
Great story though! :D
--RosieAuthor's Response: Hello, dear, and Happy New Year!
The memory chamber solved the rather onerous problem of how I was going to have a significant fraction of the Wizengamot all line up and lean into a pensieve. Given the obvious value of memory evidence, it seemed very likely that wizards would have devised a way for large numbers of people to view one simultaneously. And you're correct: nobody can stop you.
Greyback is very devious. He knows what he wants and he has a plan to get it. What he doesn't count on is Hermione appealing to his bloodlust. As to whether he's genuinely remorseful or it's just an act, I sort of leave that for the reader to decide. I know what I think, of course. ;)
It was pretty easy to fall into the moment of reliving the final confrontation between the Order and the Death Eaters, Harry and Voldemort. To wit, the scene was originally much longer and I pared it back quite a bit.
Seamus from YoD is pretty much exactly what I was going for here, except without the weird thing with the runes. As far as Lavender goes, I believe it's quasi-canon -- a JKR interview exists somewhere -- that she perished from her injuries suffered in the battle.
As always, apologies for making you tear up, but it's nice to know that you connected with the characters in the story.
Thanks so much for sharing your new year with me, and thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
So! I'm finally here! I figured that if the world was going to end, whether it be by zombies or Godzilla...I might as well give you one last review, right? XD
"For you to tell me that my parents can't come see me at St. Mungo's if I'm sick or attend their grandson's Hogwarts graduation... That's simply not acceptable."
Seriously. Up until now, that thought never crossed my mind about muggle relatives going over to the wizarding side for their muggle born children. Lots of 'What ifs' you know. Wow, Dan...it only took you 5 paragraphs to turn my HP world upside down! Hahaha, now I want to find JKR and ask her about this. How would it work, etc...
For a split second there...I thought Hermione was really arguing with one of her nieces or nephews. Somehow, you manage to do this every time, sir!
The package...who sent it to her? Was it Grayback himself trying to lure Hermione or laugh at her? Speaking of Hermione...how come she didn't know about the hearing? Is there something going on within the Wizengamot, like corruption? For there to be little wizards it makes me think that 1) they just didn't care enough or 2) they're doing this hearing in secret so that he could go free. Oh and that purple ribbon. It immediately made me think of Lavender who either died in the movies or didn't...her fate is a mystery to me. However, she was a victim of Greyback in the movie (and almost one in the books) so that's why my mind went straight to her. However, I guess I get to find out in the next chapter!
Speaking of Greyback, I was expecting to hear him taunt Hermione about her last name. He calls her Granger and continues to do so through out the end of the chapter. I figured he would try to 'correct' himself to put Hermione on edge while appearing to the rest of the Wizengamot that he really is trying to become part of society. Maybe even calling her "Mrs. Weasley" just to really enjoy messing with her.
I really enjoyed Hermione the Barrister. She still has that drive she had back in school but about X100 stronger if that makes any sense. As always, your Hermione feels very spot on, so we're not going to dwell about that. Albus on the other hand...how come he doesn't feel as shocked as Hermione about Greyback. Shouldn't he know of the crimes Greyback committed being a barrister himself? Of the stories he might've heard form his parents, uncles, aunts? That was the one think that stuck out to me. But it was just a minor detail...I'm sure you have a reason behind it.
I'm not so sure about Greyback to be honest. Part of me believes that some people do feel bad for their actions, some actually seek death, feeling horrible for what they've done. I mean...I live in Texas, where the capital punishment is death and I read or watch the local news about them and read what they said before the injection. But there's some, and I think Greyback falls into this category, that just doesn't feel bad about what they've done. But again...I'm torn! People deserve a second chance in life...but there's other who just don't. Is he rehabilitated? Does he feel remorse? Is Hermione's hatred towards him getting in the way of allowing Greyback have a fair parole hearing trial?
I suppose I should read the next chapter to find out! Haha! XD
Alright enough of a super long review!
Until next time, Dan!
--RosieAuthor's Response: Yay! Rosie's review survived Server-Migration-Pocalypse 2012!
The Statute of Secrecy is one of those things that cuts both ways, I think. It's very sensible overall, but the application in specific instances can be very burdensome on witches and wizards who come from muggle or mixed-magical families. I don't feel a bit of doubt that Hermione would still be fighting that battle many years after the end of the war.
You'll learn the true nature of the package in the next chapter. For now, let's just say that it was sent by somebody who was concerned about the possibility of Greyback being released. And the ribbon, well, you may be onto something there. ;)
Greyback wants to be free. He's behaving just as he should to appear "reformed" for the members of the Wizengamot. Is that because he's actually reformed or just because he's putting on a show? You'll find out soon...
Albus is aware of Greyback's crimes, but I think he's still very caught up in his aunt's idealism. He's spent most of his life listening to her talk about how werewolves are treated unfairly by the rest of wizarding society because of their illness. I think it's a relatively short leap from there to concluding that oppression and prejudice had a lot to do with why a lot of werewolves sided with Voldemort during the war. It hasn't really dawned on him that Greyback saw the Dark Lord's rise as a way to further spread lycanthropy, not a means to avenge his ill treatment at the hands of other wizards.
I think Greyback will have an imminently fair trial, but I guess I'm biased, being the author. You'll just have to let me know what you think.
I do hope you enjoy the next chapter! I actually started to write this story when I was around halfway done with CoB and it languished in my uncompleted projects directory for months. It felt good to finish it up. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Ho! Ho! Ho! Well hello there - Santa here to give your stories some nice Gryffindor love! I'm so excited - not only do I have an excuse to spend hours fawning over your work, but it also means I get to write really long reviews and not feel bad about spending forever on them because I do love writing good reviews. :P
For this, I figured since all of your stories looked fabulous, I would just work my way down by how recent the stories were so you'd get reviews on things that felt the most relevant? If you do decide you'd like reviews on particular things, just let me know in a reply whenever you'd like to send me on over to a different story. :)
Okay, LAST thing not about the actual chapter and then I'll get on with things! YOUR BANNER. IT IS AMAZING. I HAVE LOST THE ABILITY TO CAN. *dies* (Also, I review as I read and then go back and sum everything up and mostly fangirl, if you were wondering. :D)
Oh Hermione, you well written and highly accurate to how you would behave in the legal world you! It is so terrible to think about how muggleborns and their families have to straddle two worlds without ever being able to fully live in either. And to think about families who would have had to live like the Creevey's - an excellent point Mrs. Granger!
And those protective spells! But why is she running? The suspense has got me clinging to the sides of my poor laptop right now! All the little clues and her mind still moving three times the speed of everyone else - gah! Your Hermione is perfect!
I was a little confused about the newspaper? So there was a box that contained another box, and the smaller box was wrapped with the Belfast Telegram? And in the smaller box was the copy of The Standard Book of Spells which had a purple ribbon sticking between one of the pages. And then... (this is where I got all confused, so pardon me if I'm just being silly and completely messed this up!) when you open the book to the page with the ribbon, you find a copy of yesterday's Prophet? It took a few rereadings, but I think I got it? Either way, that little bit of description could be helped with a little clearing up, unless it was meant to keep the reader in suspense. :)
Oh and a Greyback! I do love werewolves - such a horrible fate and they always make the best stories because they're so twisted. Eeep! It's hard to poorly show a werewolf's character, but with someone brilliantly brilliant like you? I'm just bursting with excitement! :D
And how right I was! Even though most of the first part of the parole hearing was Hermione fuming, you showed Fenrir's character BEAUTIFULLY! *shivers* I sure wouldn't want to have to be Hermione - facing her own laws and yet having Fenrir potentially running around free again. I'm interested to hear more about that package and her plans, however.
I don't... I don't know how I feel about this, though. On one hand, Hermione is so very right in her descriptions of all that Greyback has done and I would be terrified to know that he was out on the streets. But... on the other hand, being the half-Hufflepuff (the Gryffindor half is more equal than the Hufflepuff half, though :P) I... I don't know how I feel about taking the law personally and being so divided on the case of werewolves.
I don't know - I know I shudder at the thought of Greyback and I'm rooting for Hermione, but at the same time, Albus' words really ring in my head because it does feel... off. But that's what good writing does. It makes you think!
So, now going back and summing it all up! I love stories rooted in the legal system! They always fascinate me and Hermione as a character is presented so well in this!
I am very curious about what happens next, so I'll definitely be going on to see how this story ends! After this, though, you can poke me on to whatever story you fancy! :)
I really want to know about that package though! The trial and her riff at the beginning was very good, but they had a few of their ends mildly tied up. And then the package is just "whee! keeping you in suspense - just look at me being really well written and luring you toward the next chapter!" Exactly like that.
I would clear that description of it up, however. If I picked everything out correctly, I only started to get confused where the Prophet came in, so the rest of the description should be fine as long as you add a bit to where the Prophet comes from in relation to the book.
That's really all the concrit I can think of, and it's hardly much! The whole story flows very well and everyone is characterized so well. The descriptions are beautiful and I just can't wait for the next chapter!
Hopefully you were able to sit through this whole thing, despite it not being very helpful! Oh! And if you need for me to elaborate on certain aspects of the story for future chapters, feel free to put things in the replies (or if you want, I think you can go through your coordinator too, so whichever is easier for you, if you have specifics?) Or I can just go on my merry way and fangirl through your recent stories! Either way is fine with me!
I'm very excited to get to be your Secret Santa (and at this point I am really close to using all 600 characters, so I'm just going to ramble - you can skip this bit if you like, since I'm afraid it will just be me fangirling even more! :P) and I hope you are having a lovely holiday season!
This whole story is so fabulous - I was intrigued from the quote in the summary, and I'm interested to see how it lives up to it! The evil flourishing and the good men - how will that play into Fenrir's parole decision and that package that I keep coming back to! Eeep!
The bit at the beginning about the statue of secrecy also made me think a lot - I don't know if it was there primarily to establish Hermione as a lawyer, or if it will play into Hermione's later actions in the court, but I liked it! :)
From your super secret super Gryffie-ey Santa!Author's Response: Wow! Such an ebullient Secret Santa! I can feel the excitement radiating off the page.
I'm really glad you liked the banner. It was made by the wonderful Elenia from HPFF/TDA. I think she did an incredible job with it!
OK, so to *try* to clear up the newspaper... There are actually two newspapers. One (the Belfast Telegram) was used to wrap the outside of the package. The other (the Daily Prophet) was inside the box. The one inside the box was where Hermione read that Greyback was being considered for parole. And the spellbook with the ribbon in it... well, you'll see... ;)
Hermione is the only one who feels the degree of certainty about Greyback. Albus is obviously conflicted. He knows about his aunt's work improving the lives of werewolves and he can't understand why she's so reluctant to want to give Greyback a second chance. The conflict is part and parcel to the story.
I thought your review was really good. I'd enjoy reading more like it. I get the most value out of knowing how readers react to different parts of the story; what things they really like and what things they don't like so much. It gives me an idea where I could make changes or how I could write things differently in the future. More than anything, I just like the conversational feel of the process.
Thanks so much for all of your thoughts and reactions! Looking forward to more! Report Review
Okay, first of all, I'm so sorry that it's taken me this long to get to you! Life has been a bit busier than usual lately. But I'm so glad you re-requested for this story, because I really enjoyed the first chapter!
Ugh, Greyback is so horrible. And I can't believe how careless he's being around the Wizards who are putting him on trial. He's so disgusting, dancing the line between casual conversation and threat with Albus. "Tell him I said hi." Ugh!
Oh my gosh. I want to be able to leave constructive criticism, but I was so transfixed on the entire scene in the Pensieve room that I couldn't stop writing. So well-done! I love the juxtaposition of Hermione's memory of the Battle of Hogwarts with the actual fight going on in the room. Sets up for a very nice image. And I was so glad that they caught Greyback, at least for now.
Seamus is absolutely breaking my heart. So he sent her the tip-off. Wow. I love seeing him and Hermione interacting; you rarely see that in canon. And I love Lavender/Seamus even more.
Another phenomenal chapter; my apologies for not having anything constructive to say. The chapter sucked me in entirely.Author's Response: Hi!
In turn, I apologize for taking so long to respond. Busy, busy, busy...
Greyback is already beginning to lose a measure of his self-control before Hermione even shows him the memory of the battle. Seeing her again started to awaken some of his animalistic tendencies. Seeing the memory completed the process, causing him to completely lose control.
I picked up a lovely bit of head canon along the way that put Seamus and Lavender in a secretive relationship during the year that Snape and the Carrows ran Hogwarts. It seemed like a good way to allow Hermione some catharsis after she has it out with Greyback.
I'm really glad you enjoyed the story. It feels good to know that it all worked for you. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Hello! I'm here to return the favour for the fabulous review you left for the Holiday Swap. And oh boy- I think that this is the last review I can leave you until you post another chapter of one of your stories/another story. *sigh* Please post something soon! :D
This was an amazing end to this short story. I don't know what exactly I was expecting her proof to be but I don't think that it was a memory of the Final Battle. However, you did a fantastic job with your description of the battle. It seemed so real and it was so very interesting because while we were seeing Hermione's memory, we were watching it from Albus' perspective, who didn't know many of the people or the exact meaning of each of their triumphs. He knew generalities or very specific facts... But he didn't know who Bellatrix was or that Hogwarts had been in ruins. This unique perspective really made the scene come alive. Great job!
Even as I was reading through the memory, I didn't expect Greyback to go feral (as I suppose you would describe it). Of course, after you started hinting about it, I immediately started to view it as a very interesting and plausible possibility, but I was also expecting you to write Lavendar's death. I realize, however, that that would ahve only sown his ferocity and animal-tendencies in the past, not in the present, as his feral-ness (is that a word?) did.
The process in which you progressed towards his explosion was very well done. It was realistic and I could see it happening as it happened. I was on the edge of my seat waiting for the moment where he lost it. And then he did, in a large and very aggressive manner. After he started to move, I knew that there would be no doubt as to whether or not he would be put back into prison.
My one critique about the fight was that it was slightly difficult to follow its location. I know that at one point Albus left the Memory room (which is a really cool invention, by the way), but I wasn't sure when Hermione and Greyback did and I was surprised when you wrote that everyone else spilled out of the room to arrest Greyback. But this was a minor confusion compared to the chapter as a whole. :)
The ending of this chapter was very strong and tied up the one loose end from the first chapter. So Seamus was in love with Lavendar and sent Hermione the letter... It all makes sense and you wrote his emotions wonderfully. It was interesting to see his reaction to the end of the war, which was perfectly reasonable. The temptation to take justice upon yourself would be very strong and his attempt to break into Azkaban was a good reflection of that desire.
All in all, I think that you did a fantastic job with this story. Everyone was beautifully characterized and you wrote them into a very original situation. Great work! :DAuthor's Response: Hi, Roots! Wow. Now that I think of it, you're right. There is nothing I've written that you haven't reviewed. You poor, poor soul! ;) Seriously, though, you have no idea how much I appreciate it all!
I loved the idea of writing the all through Albus's eyes. He knows enough about what happened that he can recognize some of the key events and the players involved, but he's getting all of the context for the first time. And he has no frame of reference for bloodshed and death on such an enormous scale. Like everyone else in the room except for Hermione and Greyback, he's mesmerized.
To me, Greyback was such an unstable madman to begin with and he'd been locked away in Azkaban for so long that it wasn't going to take a whole lot to shake his self-control. It was already slipping at the start of the scene, when he can't stop himself from trying to put a chill in Albus. Confronted with all of the chaos and violence of the battle, he eventually loses it and attacks. Escape was never his goal.
Hmmnn... maybe I can work a bit on the descriptions. The entire fight takes place inside the Memory Chamber. Albus doesn't ever leave it. After Hermione begins to fight with Greyback, the memory they're viewing ends and they're returned to "normal" reality, sort of like when Harry pulls himself out of the penseive after viewing Snape's memories.
Somewhere along the way, I picked up a lovely little bit of head canon that put Seamus and Lavender in a secret relationship during the year that Snape and the Carrows were in charge of Hogwarts. They kept it a secret in order to keep her safe. If the Carrows had found out, they would have threatened her as a means of controlling him. I'm sure her death hit everyone hard, but he still hasn't really recovered from it.
I'm really glad that you enjoyed this and I promise I'll try to get some writing done soon. The holidays haven't been kind to my free time. Thanks so much for all of your support and awesome reviews! Report Review
On the fifth day of Christmas...
I seem to be slipping.
"Albus nodded dumbly, unnerved by his aunt's deathly serious expression but confused as to what could possibly go wrong. Greyback might be a werewolf, but the full moon was three weeks away. He was wandless, surrounded by three Hit Wizards and they were deep in the bowels of the Ministry. Only a fool would try to escape under those circumstances."
Can you bottle up a batch of "crystal clear" prose and send it my way? Here, you are setting us up for an escape scenario, where the big, bad werewolf loses control and tries to break free. But that's not what happens, is it?
He craves the blood and the violence so much that it spins him into a frenzy. He doesn't want to run away. He wants to bathe in the massacre. Greyback is indeed a monster. A big, scary, violent, unrepentant beast.
I love seeing Hermione's actions through the eyes of someone else. I love that you gave us Albus' eyes to watch her every move and to speculate on what is coming next. He knows about enough that the reader knows, and he has the same missing pieces as we do too. I felt like we were both trying to figure it out together, which was a really neat experience.
The action rolled so smoothly that I almost lost myself in the pensieve, but you gave me enough of Albus' thoughts to pull through. I think your concept of keeping everyone else distracted by the battle was genius. The only thing I wasn't certain of was how much Greyback changed. He didn't seem to be a werewolf at first, but then he began moving like one. It read like perhaps he was a half-man, half-werewolf kind of thing... or maybe I'm mixing up canon facts with other things.
Seamus was a surprise, wrapped around a 'ship. I'm so glad you didn't have him exact vengeance on Greyback and have him still working towards a peaceable life. The twist was totally unexpected and was a great fit to the story.
About that section, I really loved this:
"She was gentle as a lamb," Seamus mused softly, "but when the Carrows pushed her, they woke a lion. Twasn't fair. She never shoulda been forced to change like that."
This was a unique concept that you pulled off brilliantly. Really great story!Author's Response: Hello, again! It's so easy to slip this time of the year. So much going on, so little time. Anyway, I have to say that you're really spoiling me with these lovely reviews!
I really loved being able to use Albus's point of view for most of this. He knows just enough to have an idea of what's going on, but not enough to see things for what they really are. He's so comfortable in the sense of peace and security that his father made possible and so steeped in his aunt's idealism that everything she's saying seems strange and implausible to him.
The Memory Chamber scene was really difficult for me to pace, so I'm glad it ran smoothly for you. I had to go back twice and rearrange the events so that it felt like it gave Greyback enough time to lose his resolve. I also really struggled to figure out where in the course of events to have Greyback lose it. It needed to happen at the peak of the violence and bloodshed, which meant that it couldn't wait for everything to fall silent when Harry and Voldemort were circling one another.
I borrowed quite a bit from JKR's own descriptions of Greyback in the middle of the battle. He isn't transformed, but his physical state and his actions do seem like they're somewhere in between human and wolf. I think of him as a person who chose to sacrifice his humanity entirely and embrace the wolf. That's what makes him so dangerous.
I picked up a lovely bit of head canon along the way that had Seamus and Lavender in a hidden relationship during the year that Snape and the Carrows ran Hogwarts. The idea was that it was hidden in order to protect her. If Snape or the Carrows learned of it, they would have used her to control him. It made her death even sadder, I think.
Ah, I'm so glad you liked it all. At times while I was writing it, *I* didn't like it very much. But I put my head down and bulled through it.
Thanks so much and Happy Holidays! Report Review
Hello, dear. I'm here to return our Holiday swap ^^
Oh wow! What a chapter once again! This turned out to be completely different from what I expected (in a good way as always) I was't expecting it to be so action-filled, something I think I should've because you're a master writing those scenes! But more from that later.
The Memory Chapter! Such a clever idea! I'm in awe! How did you come up with that? I mean, to see it in action like that, it makes perfect sense that the Ministry has a Memory Chamber!
I can only imagine the looks on the Wizengamot members faces when they saw that memory. All that death and destruction *shudders* and so many of them were just kids! I can understand why they were just staring at the memory and didn't notice the change in Greyback before it was too late.
But a bunch of cowards they were! Hermione had to fight that thing all by herself (well Albus helped) and they just watched?
But Hermione and Albus were great! Perfect in fact! I really enjoyed reading that scene. Once again you managed to bring it to life and I was leaning closer to my laptop screen so I could get the maximun effect. It's so absorbing! And I'm left with a feeling that I want to fight too, I want to help! (x
Okay, trying to calm down now and stop fangirling... But I know where I'm coming if I ever need inspiration to write a fighting scene!
I think Albus's reaction was great. His doubts in the beginning and that one line: 'but the full moon was three weeks away'. That doesn't matter a thing in Greyback's case.
I really liked the fact that even though Hermione told him to run, he didn't. Reminded me so much of Harry right there.
One question! Just something that I pondered while reading this, but it's not a big deal really. It just struck me as bit odd that Kingsley wasn't there. I mean, the Wizengamot gatherings we witnessed in the books, Fudge was always the 'chairman' in those. So why not include him? Although while I was writing this, I remembered the hearings Harry witnessed through the pensieve and Croutch Sr. was leading those, and he wasn't a minister. So you can ignore me completely d:
Ooh, I wasn't expecting Seamus be the one who send the package! Such a nice twist! And I know exactly what you mean, it's stuck in my head too that he and Lavender were together.
But I really liked the ending! It tied this whole story together very nicely!
Oh, and this in completely your fault! Ever since I made you that banner, I've got Paramore's Monster stuck in my head! Seriously, I can't get rid of it!
Well done, Dan! Once again d: You have such a talent for writing and I always enjoy every second of reading your wonderful stories!
Write more! And take care ^^
~EAuthor's Response: Sigh. I feel bad about going 2 whole days without responding to this. I can blame it on the review swap and that would be partly true, but I also really love seeing it on my unanswered reviews page. So awesome!
Anyhow, I'm glad that after all this time I'm still able to surprise you every once in a while. This story was originally meant to be a one-shot, but it got so long and it had such a natural-feeling break point in the middle. I'm really pleased with how it worked out.
The Memory Chamber occurred to me when I was trying to figure out how on earth I was going to write a scene where one quarter of the members of the Wizengamot tried to pile into the same penseive. It wasn't going very well, as you might imagine. So I thought, hey, why not have an entire room that's one big penseive? The rest, as they say, is history. "I tried writing it the other way and it sounded stupid" is the mother of invention. ;)
It's true that nobody really jumped in to help Hermione fight Greyback except for Albus, but at the some time I'm not sure how much help she really wanted. It must have been deeply satisfying for her to take the monster down. That's all I'm saying.
I love writing fight scenes. Feel free to run anything by me that you like. Because, sooner or later, I think TntLY could use a good fight scene. ;)
Albus was really fun and useful to have around. He's a fresh set of eyes, not biased by all of the history that Hermione has with Greyback. He's willing to give Greyback a chance. Sure, it's the wrong decision, but you can see how he'd arrive at it.
I'm not sure whether I believe that Kingsley is still Minister at this time. I recall reading somewhere that Kingsley never planned to serve as Minister for very long. He made many important changes and cleaned house at the Ministry, but I can't see him as a career politician.
Somewhere along the way, I picked up a really lovely bit of head canon that had Seamus and Lavender in a very deep but secret relationship during the year that Snape and the Carrows ran Hogwarts. It's not canon, obviously, but if it's true, he must have been deeply hurt by her death. And he's hot-tempered enough to have wanted to take revenge on Greyback.
Sorry, I can't take credit for infecting your head with songs I don't know. :-P
I'm really glad that you enjoyed it! Thanks so much for reading and all your lovely reviews! Report Review
Hello! I've now moved on to the last of your new stories (and it's complete too!).
Wow. Just wow. I think that you did an absolutely fantastic job with this chapter. It's tense and suspenseful and packed full of emotion- everything that's needed to make us feel Hermione's panic about the situation.
You've done a great job of writing another future-story and you've picked a topic that I've never seen explored before, though of course it probably would have happened: Death Eaters being released on parole. I find it very interesting that Hermione was the only one who appeared at the parole meeting to protest his release; I would have thought that there would be more protestors to the release of such a dangerous and twisted man. However, since the war ended many years ago, perhaps most people had tried (and mostly succeeded) in putting the war behind them. After all, many witches and wizards did the same thing during the war.
I'm very curious to see exactly what evidence Hermione will collect. Or, more specifically, what memories she will collect. She only has one hour... And yet she will have to collect solid proof that Greyback is still dangerous... That his mindset is still the same. I'm rooting for her!
On a slight side note, I will say that I'm surprised that Greyback had the self-control to restrain himself for however many years it's been (over twenty, I'm guessing). He's probably revealed himself in some small ways... And I wonder if that's what Hermione will find.
As well, I liked the opening section of this chapter. It set up Hermione's role and suitability in the proceedings quite nicely and it was interesting to see her continue her quest for social justice. I also thought that she was actually in court until Albus revealed himself... Very cleverly done and it's a very smart idea!
All in all, I think that you've done a fantastic job with this chapter. I almost continued on to the next chapter before I realized that I was supposed to review this one. I'm very eager to read the next chapter! It promises to be just as exciting as this one was! Great work! :DAuthor's Response: Gah! What happened to me, Roots? Here I am taking two days to respond. Two days! I feel like I need a shower...
Anyway, I'm really glad that you enjoyed this. I started writing this story when I was probably 15 chapters into CoB, and it sort of languished in my unfinished ideas directory until recently.
I have to imagine that, sooner or later, some of the Death Eaters who could make a case that they weren't part of Voldemort's inner circle or could claim any sort of mitigating circumstances were going to come up for parole. Greyback is able to take advantage of a law that Hermione herself drafted in her younger years, which definitely hurts more from her point of view.
Greyback has grown very cagey with age. He's been in prison for a long, long time and he desperately wants out. So he's willing to do what it takes to control himself. The evidence that Hermione presents will directly challenge this.
I'm really glad that you enjoyed it and again, apologies for taking so long. Thanks so much and Happy Holidays! Report Review
Hi! It's me, back with your second review!
And wow!!! If it's even possible, I loved this chapter even more than the last one. Your descriptive skills are so powerful, and your words just fit together so perfectly. It's as if you have this picture in your head, because maybe you've BEEN there, and you convey what you've seen in the most vivid detail.
Greyback is so bloody and violent... The way he changed from placidity to ferocity was really horrifying, but in a nice way, of course! The descriptions were so real that it felt like I was there!
Also, I like the idea of a Memory Chamber. That's something I've never seen before, but I'll bet that you come up with all sort of things about the Potter eras that no one has ever thought of.
For instance, Lavender and Seamus. I haven never seen them together in fanfiction, at least, not that I can recall. If I did, I soon forgot it because it was probably super-goofy. This ship in this story was not goofy at all. You kept me guessing at who the girl was until I actually read the tombstone inscription... I suppose I should've recalled that Lavender was attacked by Greyback, but it was even more fun to be surprised by the ending.
I loved how Seamus' issues are like a story within a story. It seems like his pain and sadness over losing Lavender is just laced with intriguing events, and I'd like to know how/if/when they started loving each other, if Lavender ever returned his affection. I WOULD say that a one-shot about Seamus would be the coolest thing ever, but I won't. Because you know what? I think you put just the right amount of explanation/description into Seamus' troubles. It's often best to leave the reader with questions, which is what you've done to me. It's kind of an awkward place--one that feels satisfied because the conflict is resolved, but at the same time, a bit unsatisfied, because there are things left unsaid.
It is often those unsaid things that give a story its deepest meaning, and that's the gift you have: You are sensitive to the ebb and flow of a story, and you can engineer your words to make seamless connections to the meaning of it. You weave webs that ensnare readers, and not many people can do that.
One last compliment, and then I'll get out of your hair.
The chapter titles of this story are not just an arbitrary name. They really contrIbute to the meaning of the story. First Greyback was incognito, seemingly innocent, disguised as a regular person. Then he took on his true wolf skin, and the whole story flipped over. Very clever, CambAngst. Very clever indeed.
Anyways, the story was amazing and you're amazing. I still don't know how you write as well as you do. It's a talent that I would definitely love to possess. :)
~UnluckyStar57Author's Response: Hi, there!
Wow, I am **so pleased** with your reaction to this. Ooh, I just want to squeeze you! OK, that wasn't really appropriate, so I'm going to restrict myself to non-physical reactions. ;)
Hermione wagered -- correctly -- that if she could put Greyback in the right environment, his true nature would emerge. And magic being what it is, she's able to do exactly that. The Memory Chamber was an idea that came to me as I was outlining this story, and I really loved it. Not least because it saved me the trouble of trying to describe a couple dozen members of the Wizengamot all lining up to jump into the same penseive.
Lavender and Seamus being in a relationship was a bit of head canon that I picked up from a few fics that I really enjoyed. I think of them as having become very close during the year that Snape and the Carrows ran Hogwarts. They were both leaders in Dumbledore's Army and since Seamus no longer had Dean, Ron or Harry to turn to for support, she definitely became very important to him. It probably would make a nice one-shot, but I'd have to work up the inspiration.
Wow. I've been fortunate enough to have people say some very nice things about my stories, but you're the first who's said that I have a sixth sense for ebb and flow. I kind of like that. I'm putting it on my resume. ;)
So you're probably going to think this is funny, but chapter titles are the bane of my existence! I struggled so long to come up with the two for this story. And my really long stories? Gah, I was so out of ideas by the end!
Thank you so much for all of the kind words. I'm really glad that you enjoyed the story. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
On the fourth day of Christmas...
There are only twelve, so I'm not behind, right?
When I first started reading this, I had no idea where you were going with it. I liked the mystery and the intrigue and the way you held back on the real issues of the story and painted us into Hermione's current life. It was like I was sitting right there, watching her, wondering what is really going on. All that time through the first scene, I was trying to make connections. You thwarted me, Dan. The shame!
Naw, it was a really good introduction. I liked how you chose Albus to be there with Hermione and help her to refine her arguments before her big meeting at the Ministry and I also think it's great that he's interested in making his own future apart from his family. (I've been playing around with that theme in my head recently too, funny that.).
When Hermione got the package and then stormed into the hearing room, I was still guessing. Who sent the message and THEN how is she going to build up a case against that monster in only an hour?? What is going on here? Are you setting her up to fail?
Making us all see the level-headed woman that she is and what she works so passionately for in the first section and then having her react so strongly to the seemingly "rehabilitated affectee" sitting in the defendant's seat was done on purpose. I know Greyback is bad. She knows Greyback is bad. But to everyone else, he's just a guy in a clean robe, about to get a second chance. The way she lost composure and Albus' reactions to it were probably about the same as all the other Geezergamot attendees. What in the world is she doing? This is no big deal, right? Obviously, it is. Even after Hermione explains to Albus who this man really is and what he's capable of, she still has to prove it. But how??
All of that was really great storytelling. You heaped a whole lotta bad onto your character with small odds that she was going to get through it in the limited time she had. Even though I think I know Hermione Granger well, I was left genuinely concerned at the end of this chapter that she might not prevail over this. And then what would Albus come away with? Oh goodness. I need chocolate.Author's Response: This review beats calling birds, any day of the week!
So I started to write this story a long time ago. Literally, I think I was 15 chapters or so into CoB when I came up with the idea and jotted down a bunch of loosely-connected ideas. I wrote the first section with Hermione and Albus at least nine months ago, and I've just been picking at it when the mood strikes me ever since. I finally got it to a point where I got fed up with myself and decided to finish it. So here we are.
I really liked using a bit of misdirection to introduce Hermione and Albus and show what they're doing in life. Not only is it far less annoying than doing some huge back story dump, but it puts the reader slightly off balance from the start. This is certainly a story where the reader is well-advised to question everything. Nothing is precisely what it seems.
Your reaction to Greyback is the essence of what's really going on here. You know that he hasn't really changed. Hermione knows that he hasn't really changed. But it's filtered through Albus's eyes, so there's some legitimate doubt. And she has to start by convincing him, because otherwise how is she going to convince the Wizengamot?
All that said, she has a plan. You'll see it play out in the next chapter. I hope you like it! Now go get yourself some chocolate and thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
I know, I'm as surprised as you! I'm actually reading/reviewing something! But I just couldn't resist, this seemed like such an interesting story. And I wanted to see if the banner really fit the story ^^
But seriously, Dan, never let me disappear for as long as I have now! While I was reading this chapter, I actually realised how much I've missed reading fics, especially yours (:
All those little descriptions you slip in there just brought this story to life. And the characterization! *sigh* I think I've mentioned that in every single review I've left you. But it's true, every time I'm just left speechless of how amazing your characters are and how well you manage to keep them true to their canon.
I think the plot is very interesting. And different - such a clever idea. I haven't read many fics about Greyback, something I should definitely change since he's a very intersting character. I like how you described him and managed to make him so terrifiying.
I would've liked to see a little mention of how the conditions in Azkaban have changed after the war, since the dementors are out of the picture. I don't know, there was just something about Greyback's behaviour that was a bit too easygoing for someone who has been in the prison for the past 25 years. Although like Hermione said, he is a monster, so maybe it hasn't affected him in the same way.
I really like how you included Albus, and the way you introduced him. Oh, and that little mention about how only a handful of Wizengamot member showed up to the 'simple parole hearing', that was a nice touch!
Hmm, there was something else I wanted to mention, but I can't remember it now. Too many wonderful things in your story d:
Oh, right, the Memory Chamber! Can't wait to see what that is!
I think that's it from me now. My reviewing skills are very, VERY rusty atm, so I don't think I managed to say anything constructive this time. I'll try to do better with the next chapter once I have a change to read it. Although I promise it won't take me FOUR MONTHS! to get to it! Seriously, I checked, it's been four months since I last reviewed your story! *shakes her head* I'll write TntLY faster if you forgive me? ^^
Okay, I'll stop babbling now and go. Lovely story, can't wait to read more!
Take care *hugs*
~EAuthor's Response: Hip hip hooray! I haven't been this happy to see somebody back on my reviews page in a long, long time! I have missed you so!
Doesn't your banner look amazing on this? Congratulations, by the way, on your rapid rise through the ranks at TDA!
I'm really glad that you liked the characterization and the "canonality" of the characters. You know how important that is to me, and I really needed Hermione to be herself in order to sell this one.
Greyback is definitely a centerpiece of this story, but it isn't so much "about" him, I don't think. It's a little hard to explain until you've read the whole thing. I think you might change your opinion as to what it's actually about.
I didn't think too much about how things are at Azkaban, to be honest. Obviously it's still no picnic. But, there are some opportunities for the prisoners to be rehabilitated, which Greyback has obviously taken advantage of. That said, he's very eager to get out.
I never really thought of Albus as an Auror. He's too shy and reserved. Following his aunt's footsteps seemed like a much better choice for him.
Ah, the Memory Chamber. That was a concept of my own creation. I hope you like it.
Bah! Your reviewing skills are fine! And I forgive you, although I *do* expect faster writing on your story! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Big hugs back at you! Report Review
Hello, it's me from tag this time.
So I kind of love Greyback because he's so depraved, and I'm really glad he's here. Just because.
But anyway. Your Hermione is perfectly characterised here, equal parts caution and passion, and very well suited to attempting to navigate the absurdities of Wizarding laws and class systems. And I've always liked the idea of Albus being the quieter one in his family, so having him as the protege works well too.
The reveal of his identity at the end of that debate-resembling-thing was way fun by the way. Didn't expect that at all. :D
And then, we moved onto Greyback. Hmm. I'm conflicted. On one hand, his characterisation is exactly like how he's seen in canon, and the way he's perceived in post-Remus Wizarding society is very interesting. On the other hand, I wish that there was more ambiguity to his morality - it seems like he's just straight-up evil, just because, and that's it. While I do understand that Hermione is absolutely justified to react in the way that she does, I feel like a little more objectivity in the narration could've made it better.
I don't know if I'm making sense here so I'm going to shut up now. See ya.Author's Response: Hello, dear!
Part of the reason that I picked Greyback for this instead of the other Death Eaters who were presumably captured and sent to Azkaban was for precisely that reason. He was very different from the others in that he was never after wealth or power in the conventional sense. His goal was to infect as many other people as possible. Greyback wasn't so much a villain as he was a contagion. He was the Typhoid Mary of lycanthropy. And he obviously has several very personal scores left over with Hermione.
I tried to create a sort of duality with Hermione's character in this. On the one hand, she's still fighting passionately on behalf of the underprivileged and oppressed. Yet she turns on a dime where Greyback is concerned and does everything she can to keep him in prison. You're not the first person to comment that you would have liked to see more ambiguity in Greyback's characterization. Honestly, I tried several different ways to get there and they all would up reading kind of stupid. Maybe some day I'll figure it out...
I enjoyed your perspective, as always. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Hello hello hello! I'm finally here from the forums with your review and I'm so excited to get to read this story. Really, this is a brilliant idea. I suppose I should actually read the chapter before I start fangirling though, so--onward!
I think your use of language really lends itself to the story. Hermione is an interesting character here; I feel compelled to say that her comment about "haughty little dinner parties" seems a bit OOC to me, but this is going to be difficult because she is no longer the seventeen year-old witch who was sometimes too shy and polite to ever say something like that. It just seems a bit terse for me, more like something that Ron would say, and I always imagined Hermione as being highly professional. However, I feel like I'm reading JKR's own words when she says, "The fact that an injustice has existed for generations is not an excuse to perpetuate it."
The bit about Dennis Creevey is so sad, yet believable, as well as her passions about it. I can't imagine Hermione doing anything else but Magical Law.
Oh my gosh. I love that she was practicing with Albus! What a nice little surprise. :) I liked his joke about someone still being mad about her curving the test while she was in school. Their relationship of master and protege, aunt and nephew is really adorable.
I thought that the Order disbanded after Voldemort's death though? I actually just read something from an article with JKR that listed a bunch of things not specifically stated in the book, and this was one of them, so I suppose it doesn't technically make that bit of this story AU.
Okay, I take back what I said--I love your characterization of Hermione. It's always been so wonderful to have an intelligent, opinionated heroine in contemporary literature (especially one that young girls read) and I think you've expanded on that wonderfully here. I had to physically stop myself from jumping up and down in an "Oh snap!" fashion at her response "You've proven everything you'll ever need to." XD
How disgusting that only half of the members of the Wizengamot showed up for his parole hearing. And then they were unconcerned entirely, and one of them even said "a simple parole hearing." You've captured beautifully the sickening tendencies of people in power to become lackadaisical and disenchanted with the extreme power they have. I feel just as frustrated as Hermione and Albus do--really nice job evoking a desired feeling from the reader.
And I am really, genuinely terrified of Greyback. I've always felt even more frightened by him than I have Voldemort in the books. And your characterization is particularly chilling, especially his line, "I might stop by and meet the rest of your family." How terrifying! I feel like there's always been an underlying feeling of pedophilia with Greyback, which is particularly horrifying, and I think you have picked up on it here, intentionally or not.
I love the conversation between Hermione and Albus where she explains to him exactly what Greyback is capable of. I hope they continue to stick together as the story continues, it's a really sweet and also dynamic relationship between the two of them, and the kind we don't see enough of on HPFF (in my opinion).
Absolutely wonderful work. I'm adding this to my favorites list, for sure. :)Author's Response: Hi, there!
First off, thanks for all of the kind words. It really means a lot to see that the story connected well with you and you seemed to enjoy it.
If Hermione sounded a bit out of character in the beginning, it was probably because I imagined her putting on a bit of a facade in order to negotiate with her opponent. She's not necessarily being nice or reasonably in this situation. She's trying to get the upper hand and negotiate the best deal that she can. I'm glad that it all came together for you at the end.
I was also completely in love with the idea of Albus becoming an advocate like his aunt and following in her footsteps. He's doubtless spent so much of his life being "Harry and Ginny Potter's son". To me, this was a way that he could really distinguish himself.
It's been quite a while since the war in this story, and I do think that people had started to become a bit lazy. The Wizengamot members probably deal with lots of routine hearings, and this one appeared no different to them. How wrong they were...
Greyback is a monster. I just won't ever see it any other way. Anyone who willingly sacrifices his humanity and tries to take it away from children... just a horrible individual.
Again, thank you so much for the very nice review and all of your thoughts and reactions. I appreciate them a great deal! Report Review
Really liked your take on this story. Really good point of viewAuthor's Response: I'm really glad that you enjoyed it!
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Hey its Whiskey from Review Tag!
I like how this is about a time when all of the characters are long out of Hogwarts and have joined the Wizarding World. Lately, my hpff reading habits have migrated towards stories that take place outside of the school, so I was happy to find this!
You included some well thought-out conflicts that I can well imagine would plague the Wizarding World long after the war. There were some good examples about the role of Muggles that created a well-rounded picture of the complex relationship between truth and safety, as well as historical guilt and diplomacy. Fenrir's case was also interesting in that regard, I only wish it was a bit more morally-reflective. Is he really that evil? I know he is in the books, but in a story that promises a balanced perspective in the beginning it was a bit unexpected to be dropped back into black-and-white-mode as soon as the hearing started. Maybe this changes in Chapter 2? I guess we will have to see.
Stylistically, there is some space for improvement in this chapter. Several sentences are awkward, like this: "The man sitting across from her sat frozen for a few moments." Also, the use of "wicked-looking" when describing Fenrir's teeth...is sort of flat, you have to aggree? :P The style all together is very factual. You seem to tell more than you show. For example, you go into a lengthy description of Albus' and Hermione's relationship when it would have been easier and more exciting to show it by extending the dialogue or adding a quick memory, or just descripting their interaction. You know what I mean? I guess I would advise you to go over it again and take your time when imagining the scenes.
Hope this helps! Cheers!Author's Response: Hi, there!
The majority of what I've written on HPFF is set in the post-Hogwarts or Next Gen era. I just don't have that much interest in trying to shoe-horn events into the time frame covered by the books unless I see a really obvious gap in the events of the stories that I can fill in. I guess I prefer to take the story forward where I can.
I do spend a bit more time focusing on Albus's doubts as to whether Greyback is really evil in the second chapter. I found it sort of difficult to portray him as morally ambivalent in this. He ended up being more sullen and withdrawn in this chapter, although slightly menacing. While Hermione certainly treats him as black-and-white, I think she's the only one.
Interesting ideas on different ways to portray some of the details of the story. I definitely struggled a bit when I was writing the non-action scenes in this chapter.
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Monsterrr how should I feeel.
Sorry, I really canít help it :P
That banner is absolutely gorgeous. The artist captured everything about this story. Itís perfect!
Itís odd to see someone underestimate Greyback so much, but it makes absolute sense. Why would Albus ever think they are in any actual danger? Like he pointed out, the situation isnít in Greybacks favor. Even if he wanted to hurt him, how would he have the means? And that one line. The full moon wasnít for three weeks. Thatís what he still doesnít quite get. A full moon is the last thing Greyback needs. And even without the power of it, he can still injure, possibly kill them. Just ask Uncle Bill. Next Gen is so odd in the way that, no matter what kinds of stories their parents tell them, theyíll never understand what it was really like. Which is I suppose both a good thing, and a bad.
Is having a Memory Chamber a canon thing that I totally missed? If not, itís such an awesome idea and needs to be used a million times more. Itís always annoyed me on why Sirius didnít just a court the memory of him speaking with the Potters about secret keeper. We know you can tell if a memory is tampered with, and if he would have went immediately to Dumbledore there would be proof that there wasnít time for tampering...and the magical world has all these awesome things but then when they can be put to great use, like a Memory Chamber, weíre kind of flaked out on. Anyway, ĎMemory Chamber in the Minister=added to head canoní. :P.
So even if Albus doesnít realize it, when he sees something unknown stirring in Albus, heís really seeing the start of a monster slowly waking from a very convincing facade. I am so thrilled you did this from Albusís PoV, it gives such an incredible novelty to the story.
The memory of all the pain, all the bloodshed is affecting everyone greatly. But Greyback is the only one who.. for lack of better words, is hungry for it.
And thatís all Hermione needing. Those small bits of self control Greyback was forcing himself to hold onto, the necessity that he remain a rehabilitated monster breaks and he not only proves to the court how dangers he still is, but how little he cares for human life. Nice try, naughty wolf. Back to the slammer.
And just when I was staring to calm down after it all! I had completely forgotten about the package at the start (well, at least on my first read through I had) but now it all ties back in perfectly with our story! And the idea of Seamus trying to break into Azkaban and murder Greyback is so sad in the sense of what it did to him. At least he didnít succeed, because that would have been harder to keep him out of prison for. But his feelings for Lavender, the way that heís so far from being over them, bah. Youíve turned this into a very beautiful love story, mídear. I love that you showed us that, despite what heís been through and despite the fact that he isnít okay yet, he will be. He let Hermione know about the court meeting, he made sure something was done to keep the monster behind bars, instead of (like she said) hunting him down herself. The loss of Lavender broke him, but heís learning or at least trying to recover. Can you please pass me a tissue? :(.
This was such a beautiful little story Dan, thank you for telling it ♥Author's Response: Sigh. I guess it's time to respond to this lovely review and see it disappear from my unanswered reviews page. Such sweet sorrow!
Isn't the banner amazing? I hadn't realized that Elenia had made it up to whatever level of TDA-dom that allows a person to take banner requests in the first round. I really need to figure out their traditions and customs a bit better. Let me play you the song of my people...
I just don't think that most people born after the war could appreciate the scale of the atrocities that were committed by Voldemort and his followers. I'm sure they've studied the history and they're familiar with the facts and figures, but how could they possibly understand what motivates a monster like Fenrir Greyback? They can't even conceive of the environment that allows somebody like that to flourish.
The Memory Chamber is completely my own creation. Given that the magic required to extract and view memories already exists, it seemed like a reasonably short leap. There were an awful lot of terrible mistakes that helped Voldemort to rise to power that could have been avoided it people had just made more use of the things that were already known. Maybe the wizarding world did get a bit smarter...
Yes, everyone else in the room was horrified by what they were seeing or, at worst, grimly fascinated. But for Greyback, the lure of violence and bloodshed was too much. He's yearned for something like this ever since Ron and Neville took him down during the final battle. Hermione showed him exactly what he wanted, and he fell for it.
I'm really glad you liked the ending. I picked up a wonderful bit of head canon somewhere that put Seamus and Lavender in a sort of unspoken relationship of mutually support and dependence while Snape and the Carrows were in charge of Hogwarts. I have to assume that her death hit him very hard. And he's not one to take something like that sitting down. And you're right. He is trying to get better. Someday, he'll even get there. He has to, so that he can help fight the Blood Order. ;)
I'm really glad that you enjoyed it. This had languished in my unfinished projects for quite a while. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Report Review
I was so excited to see the end of your story I read it on mobile! :D
And it didn't dissapoint. It was a smart move on Hermione's part to provoke him by showing him bits and pieces of his fall from power in 1998. It would make any man go mad, especially one that was so unstable like Greyback.
The reasons for her actions really surprised me but it makes sense if you think of it. To help an old friend in the best way she knew how, by sticking to the rules.
I loved everything about this. The originality of the plot, the details that went into the backstory and description, the way in which the characters were portraied and the quotes!
Good job! This was amazing!Author's Response: Hi, there!
Hermione took a big risk, but she found the right buttons to push and it all worked out. A bit *too* well, actually. Appealing to his blood lust was definitely the way to go.
Along the way, I've picked up some really lovely head canon about a relationship forming between Seamus and Lavender during the year that Hogwarts was controlled by Snape and the Carrows. This seemed like a nice way to incorporate that into something interesting.
I'm really glad that you enjoyed the story. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
The use of the memory to set Greyback was great, and your take on what might have become of Seamus is even better. Something that I never considered. Well done!Author's Response: Hi! I'm really glad you enjoyed it.
Thanks for reading and taking the time to leave such nice reviews. Report Review
I won't lie, part of me hoped he'd be freed because I wanted to see what would happen (it could make an epic action auror story :P), but I'm also glad he wasn't. Greyback's animal nature and that he considers lycanthropy a gift makes him extremely dangerous, I think. He deserves Azkaban; Hermione did the right thing and I'm glad she won her case.
Whoa, fight scene. That was awesome. Loved that he still didn't go down fighting. Actually, I loved the whole scene in the room in general. To see the battle from Hermione's eyes must have been quite an experience for Albus.
The end with Seamus was just so sad. I love the Seamus/Lavender romance that was, part of me hoped she was alive but I think I knew deep down. I hope Seamus does come back eventually, though I understand why he tried to kill him. Glad he told Hermione instead of trying again, though. It just made me even more sad to hear he did it for Lavender. :(
Amazing last chapter and I've loved every minute of reading this.
Sam.Author's Response: Hello, again!
Part of me was also very intrigued by the possibility of allowing Greyback to escape and turning this into a longer story. If I had to speculate, I'd say that after his escape, Harry and Seamus would have wound up joining forces to hunt him down. After a final, brutal confrontation, Harry or possibly Hermione would have barely been able to talk Seamus out of killing him. It could have been interesting, I suppose...
I'm really glad you liked the fight scene. It wound up being shorter than what I had originally planned, but it just seemed to work better this way. Greyback definitely wasn't going to give up without a fight.
I picked up some lovely head canon along the way that puts Seamus and Lavender into an odd sort of mutually supportive, not-quite-love-but-more-than-friendship relationship during the year that Hogwarts was controlled by Snape and the Carrows. I thought it was really sad that she didn't survive the final battle. Seamus has always seemed like the lone wolf type to me. And since he could easily lose himself in the slums of Belfast, it made for a very believable story.
I'm really glad you enjoyed the story! Thanks for taking the time to leave such a nice review! Report Review
Hello! I'm here with the review you requested over on the forums. :)
Unfortunately... I seriously can't seem to find anything wrong with this story at all.
Well of course, that definitely isn't unfortunate; it's just that I feel sad because you probably expect some criticism, and all I can do for you is compliment!
To answer your questions, YES!!! The set-up was beautifully executed and Hermione's character is just perfect. Her reaction is well-written (naturally, because you are a fantastic writer!) and trust me, it's very believable. If you were worried about anything seeming amiss... Stop worrying. In my humble opinion, it absolutely works in the story and serves as the disrupting event that it was meant to be to start the reall action.
Now for the part where I give many more compliments. I hope you don't mind my profuse admiration, because I give it to you freely.
To a person like me, an inexperienced writer aiming to try my hand at this fanfiction scene, you are a god/goddess of the fanfiction realm. You have an intense and captivating style, and the way the story reads so perfectly is every (smart) reader's dream. To put it simply, this prose is flawless. I saw absolutely zilch in grammatical and spelling derps, which are known to happen. Diction and syntax flow, together creating a scene that is impossible NOT to picture. The plot is intriguing, and not a dull moment can be found.
My question to you is: How do you do it, CambAngst? How are you able to put words down that capture so much with what seems like no effort at all?
You obviously have a shining talent, and though I can't recall reading any other story that you've written, I know that you are consistently amazing in everything you write.
The only thing I have to suggest to you is that you write a novel and become a best-selling author. I think that would be a tremendously great thing. And I'm not even kidding. :)
I'm sorry this review was quite gushy, but I couldn't help it. I haven't gushed this much on a review in a long time, and for this story, gushing was necessary.
Im definitely going to hop over to your page and read some more of your work now. :)
~UnluckyStar57Author's Response: Hi, there!
Wow. I was hoping that you'd like it, but I wasn't expecting you to like the story this much! I really appreciate all of the kind words. I definitely don't mind your admiration. Feel free to give as much as you like. ;)
I'm glad you didn't see any small derps. My beta reader and I work hard to keep one another's writing clean and tight, and it's definitely good to know that our efforts are paying off.
How do I do it? For most of my stories, I just try to think of an interesting event or series of events that isn't covered by the books or the movies and then just let my imagination play with it. I write it down, I let it sit, I re-read it and marvel at how lousy it sounds and then I start to edit. Somewhere along the way, it converges on something that's worth sending to my beta reader and then eventually I decide it isn't going to get any better so I post it. Wash, rinse, repeat. ;)
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this and all of the nice things you said. If you decide to read anything else of mine, I hope you enjoy it! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection