Reading Reviews for The Tale of Draco Malfoy
  
13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MC_HK Summer

4th August 2013:
One thing I do need to point out is that Astoria is younger than Draco by two years, so she wouldn't be there on the train or at the dinner. I don't know if you wanted that tidbit in there, but I added it in just as an FYI.

I don't really have much to say about the chapter. It doesn't have many errors, and if anything I think it's fine. I think it's much more Draco-esque, so that's always a plus if you're going total canon. Sorry for not being very constructive haha, but like I said, not much to be commented on.

Good show, MC_HK

Author's Response: I knew I had screwed something up! I forgot about their age gap, so thank you! I will definitely have to fix that and use Daphne instead since she is in their year. I'm trying to stick to canon as much as possible but I might throw in a bit of a Dramione element towards the end. Thanks for your lovely reviews! :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #2, by Libbyloo Summer

4th August 2013:
I love the nice slow start, and all the details including Dobby in the story. Awaiting more chapters.

Author's Response: I felt like Draco wouldn't want to treat a creature badly if he didn't have to, so I chose him to be close to Dobby and appreciate his house elf's work because Dobby is really the one who raises him and plants the seed of good morals. Chapter 5 is in the works! :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #3, by MC_HK Beginning of Term

4th August 2013:
I think the same CC I've brought up in previous chapters applies here, such as disjointedness and flow problems. I also spy some repetitive words peppered in there. There are also some sentences I think should be rearranged. An example would be the sentence about Draco being surprised at all the food appearing. That can definitely be re-worded. My last bit of CC would have to be mentioning that Draco sees himself as the dragon, because you kind of state that he dreams of it, but then it transitions to it being him as the dragon. I think that could be a little more clear.

Other than that, you've got a solid chapter here. I really want to see where you end up taking this. Good times as always, MC_HK

Author's Response: This is by far my worst chapter and I haven't gotten around to fixing all the problems in it! I didn't really plan this story out, nor did I take the time to go back over it and make sure everything sounded all right. Thank you for the few specifics, I needed that! One more to go! :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #4, by MC_HK Diagon Alley

4th August 2013:
I definitely think that you have tapped in to the side of Draco Malfoy that not many would have seen. Granted, there are a lot of stories like that, but in here he just seems so sensitive (I don't really know if that's the precise word, but let's just roll with it). I feel like The younger Draco is, the more like his father he wants to be. I don't know, that's just me. You have a sentence in there that says that he doesn't want to be like his father, but you don't really explain why. I think that should be added in there.

It could flow better, but it's not bad. I think it's just the many breaks you have and shorter sentences. Play these sentences out a bit more, and you'll be golden.

I enjoyed reading your story :) MC_HK

Author's Response: I do agree with the canonical idea of him wanting to be like his father at a younger age, so I will probably go back and revise that. This will eventually go under major revisions, anyway, but I want feedback now so I know what I need to fix. It's hard for me not to write super-lengthy sentences with big descriptive words like I usually do because then I'd feel it's not like a 10-year-old's language. But I think if I do have some of that it would still be plausible because he was brought up with pride and to have good manners and precise language. 2 chapters left! :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #5, by MC_HK 10 Years Old

3rd August 2013:
You've got a couple grammar errors, and the narration is a bit stiff. But when I think about writing in my journal when I was ten years old, I wasn't great at writing either. I wrote much like this, stiff and unsure of what to really write, so I just kind of wrote down whatever was on my mind at the time. So that's believable, although not the most fluid to read. You definitely get the whole pure-blood supremacy across, and that is very important when writing about the younger years of Draco Malfoy. I don't have much else to comment on, as it is still well edited and the punctuation is pretty well done. Overall, good show! MC_HK

Author's Response: I began writing this back in, geez, I think November of last year? I was really new to the whole fan fiction thing then and was just kind of getting started on it and didn't have much planned out. I do agree it's a bit too stiff, even for a ten year old who writes in a journal almost daily. Eventually I'm going to go back and do some serious editing on this, all of the chapters, and improve it. I'm not planning on this being very long anyway, so I really wanted to get his younger years across well and in a way that I wasn't just recounting the books from his point of view, but rather in a way that adds something of my own mind to his character (the artistic part) and allows me to get into the mindset of a 10 and 11 year old. Thanks for the great review! :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #6, by Siriusly89 10 Years Old

15th July 2013:
Hi! Siriusly89 here from the ĎTo Kill A Mockingbirdí Quote Challenge, with your prizes! Sorry this took so long!

And without further ado, Review #1

I like the idea of little Draco writing in a journal. Iím only on the first paragraph, but you really do seem to have captured Dracoís spirit and tone perfectly! He sounds arrogant, obnoxious, and all the things we come to expect when we think of the little monster!

Second paragraph is full of him boasting, of course, but seeing as itís Draco, I would have been surprised if it had been anything else! And the whole pureblood element really came in when Draco started talking about Pansy and Astoria, didnít it? I like it, makes it feel more real!

It was written simply, as if written by a ten year old, so I commend you on that, as itís sometimes hard to capture the right level of innocence. You really pulled it off very well though!

I love thinking of a little Draco, heís just so darn arrogant and adorable!

On to the next review :D

Author's Response: No worries about the delay, I've been busy with real life too!

I loved the idea too! One of my friends has a couple pieces like this and I got the idea from her! Draco is a favorite character of mine (obviously) and I just got to writing a young him one day and decided to turn it into a little short story piece. :)

Getting into his character was very simple for me, even though I recognize more with Hermione and Luna personally. I did some research on him, added that to the canon him, and put my own little twist on him. I'm glad you thought he sounded like a ten year old, and his childish boasting was lots of fun to write. :)

Thank you for the challenge, and the wonderful review! :)
~MadiMalfoy xx


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Review #7, by patronus_charm 10 Years Old

16th May 2013:
Hey Madi, Team Blue for the win!

You really caught the arrogant and superior air I would have thought Draco would have at the age of ten. It was really funny to read, because he changes so much throughout the course of Hogwarts. I suppose he hasnít matured yet so thatís the reason for it.

He really believed that his family was superior to other ones and it was those little comments such as if you didnít know his name you must be a muggleborn and that his fatherís friends with all these high up people.

The activities he was going to do such as play quidditch or go to Floreanís for ice cream really fitted him and reflected his age. Not many people remember to do that and have him off chasing girls, I know Malfoy is a bit of player but I donít think he would have started that young :P Also his remarks about Blaise and Pansy were really cute and appropriate for that age!

I have two CCís for you. Sometimes you slipped out of the formal language you would expect from Malfoy such as saying Ďmumí instead of Ďmotherí and Ďmateí instead of Ďfriendí. Itís quite easy to do that, but easy to fix too. Also the spacing between the chapters were a little on the large side, so you may want to think about reducing them.

Overall I thought this was a great insight into the mind of child Draco :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Oh thank you! I'll have to take a look and fix a few things, as I haven't put anything new up for this since new year's eve D:

I was worried that I wouldn't capture his character correctly, but I'm glad you think I did! When you're eleven, the main focus of your life is friends, family, and fun. You don't worry about girls and stuff like that because you don't have the maturity nor the hormones and all of the lovely things like that that go along with it.

I'm hoping to end this around their third year as a sort of lead-in or prequel to Love Makes Me. Or just end it however I see fit. :)

Thanks for the lovely review! :) xx
~MadiMalfoy


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Review #8, by dramoine is osom Summer

15th February 2013:
i think this is going to be very interesting! I love this story as its only focusing on Draco! But i would just suggest u to keep on writing short chapters and moving things a little faster,,,(i don't write stories but u can take my advice :) )

Author's Response: Yes this is kind of like my second baby (LMM is my first) and I know how long it's going to last and to what year it's going to end in but I just have to figure out the roadmap to get there first. Don't worry, something will be up within a month at the latest! :) xx
~MadiMalfoy


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Review #9, by NataliieW Diagon Alley

9th February 2013:
Aw so cute! I defnitely think you should go on with the story! xx

Author's Response: Thank you! I haven't had time to write anything for about a week so there should be something up soon...eventually. :) Thanks for the review! xx
~MadiMalfoy


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Review #10, by shinichi 10 Years Old

4th February 2013:
hey! wow!
that was really very nice! u write so well!!! i wish i could write lyk u . well i will soon read love makes me.nd reveiw. :D
dramione rockz,
shinichi

Author's Response: Thanks shinichi! I'm kind of waiting on this one until I get more of Love Makes Me up since I'm kind of on a writing spree with that. Thanks for the review! xx
~MadiMalfoy


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Review #11, by dramoine is osom Diagon Alley

14th January 2013:
hey madimalfoyy.,
that's gr8 that ur writitng another storyyy .
welll i really really liked this chapter...its just like draco writng it himself in real.u wrote it so welll.hmmm.really nice. :)



nd does it have dramoine? well he is just 10 yrs old now...hahahha.just a bloody ten yr old.but still im waiting for dramoine in the coming chaptersss.


do update soon.nd love makes me is goin on really well :)

till then bye
B-)

Author's Response: Thank you! Once I have the next chapter of LMM up, I'll post the next one of this! It might have Dramione--I have it as an option right now, but it may or may not work out. Thanks for your lovely reviews! :)
~MadiMalfoy


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Review #12, by dracos lover Diagon Alley

1st January 2013:
Wow cant believe your writting another story, i hope it turns out to be a dramione story because there my faviourite, but i dont mind because its about draco!! Anyway i cant wait to find out what you have planned for this book, but i dont think it'll be like your other book but it will be as equally amazing.
P.s. loved the fact you made him into a little artist because... im love art and im doing it for my GCSE's.
P.s.s. please update both of your books soon.

Author's Response: Thank you! This is just a little side story that I decided to write, and it could potentially be Dramione, but I'm not sure where I want to go with it exactly. :)

I'm going to write a one-shot featuring Blaise and Pansy soon too, just to see if I like those kinds of stories or not, but Draco will be involved as well!

I love art too, that's why I made him a closet artist! I'm currently waiting for the next chapter of LMM to be validated, then I will put up another chapter of this--I'm going to go back and forth between the two until I finish this one :)

Thanks always for the reviews!
~MadiMalfoy


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Review #13, by Beem 10 Years Old

14th December 2012:
Seems exactly like how the 10 year old Draco would sound and write :) please carry on writing! Would like to see how he 'grows up'!

Author's Response: Thank you! Next chapter to be up once the queue opens back up, a little bit of foreshadowing in it :) Go check out my other story as well, thanks again! :)
~MadiMalfoy


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