Reading Reviews for The Lines
  
14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Rachel Payne The Line That Broke Her: Rose

26th July 2013:
Well the story is definitely picking up. And it seems to be taking a normal course after the weird rollercoaster loop-de-loop of those few chapters in the middle.

The plot is developing nicely, and it seems like this is going to be a really good story, but I suggest taking smaller time gaps.

I hope you update again soon, because this story has finally turned out to be promising, and I cannot wait to read more.

Best of luck with the writing
-Rachel

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Review #2, by Rachel Payne The Line That Almost Brought Them Together: Scorpius

26th July 2013:
So Rose is spying on everyone, probably trying to get to the bottom of all this mess. I dislike how everyone is comparing Rose to her parents, saying that the only reason she cares about this mystery is because she wants to be like them and solve something. It even comes across as a little full of themselves when the adults say this.

Either way, the plot is picking back up, and in a normal incline, so that is definitely good.

Best of luck with the writing
-Rachel

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Review #3, by Darby The Line that Broke Them: Scorpius

26th July 2013:
"WTF?!? What does the beginning have ANYTHING to do with end?"

Yeah I'm kind of feeling that NOW.

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Review #4, by Rachel Payne The Line that Divided Him: Scorpius

26th July 2013:
Yeah, it is definite, this little story has taken a turn for the weird. I hope you know how to fix it so that you don't lose readers. Because that is where this will go after this little fiasco. Maybe you can employ the falling in love tactic for Scorpius, but so far he just seems a little heartless after all of this.

Best of luck with the writing
-Rachel

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Review #5, by Rachel Payne The Lines that Brought Them Together: Scorpius

26th July 2013:
THIS GIRL IS SUCH A FREAKING PSYCHO OH MY GOSH.
Yeah, this story took a turn that I definitely, did NOT expect. Surprising the reader can be a good thing so long as it isn't a ridiculous surprise.

Best of luck with the writing
-Rachel

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Review #6, by Rachel Payne  Line that Devided Him: Scorpius

26th July 2013:
My goodness how many girls are out to get in Scorpius's pants! Makes me wonder if Nyx is Lilith.
So many elaborate twists and turns in this story. And i love how you start each Scorpius POV chapter with a flashback. It builds on what we haven't seen.

Best of luck with the writing
-Rachel

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Review #7, by Rachel Payne The Lines that Defined Them: Scorpius and Rose

26th July 2013:
Nice chapter mash up, they probably would have been very short separated. I think you are doing a good job developing the characters, but I think the plot needs a good kick in the behind soon so as to gain more interest.

Best of luck with the writing
-Rachel

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Review #8, by Rachel Payne The Line That Broke Them: Rose

26th July 2013:
The introduction of Lilith seems a bit odd. Is it a mystery for us to read about later?

Rose seems able to get incredibly angry at the smallest of things. I'm not saying what James did is small, but she did seem to get irrationally angry. It was almost inhumane.

This is a great intro chapter for Rose though, it really establishes her character.

Best of luck with the writing
-Rachel

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Review #9, by Rachel Payne The Line That Defined Him: Scorpius

26th July 2013:
I feel like there should be some sort of description of what everyone looks like. It would help your readers envision the characters.

Also, Scorpius seems to be incredibly mature for someone who is only 15.

Over all, this is a decent intro chapter, but it is kind of lacking in pizaz. To someone who judges a story by the intro chapter as to whether or not it is worth reading, they probably wouldn't read any further.

Maybe you could liven it up just a little bit, with humor or some thing.

Best of luck with the writing
-Rachel

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Review #10, by peacock33 The Line That Almost Brought Them Together: Scorpius

12th July 2013:
After reading both stories, I think you've created some very interesting characters, though at times it's confusing to tell what people actually think or feel about each other. I'm a little confused by Collette's character and why both James and Scorpius like her so much. I know she is beautiful but her personality doesn't seem that interesting, and while it's hard to tell, she seems to come off as fake and manipulative and I can't tell if she even really likes either boy. I guess I'm disappointed that both boys fell for her paltry charms -haha. I know everyone, especially Rose, blamed her for hooking up with Scorpius when she and James had a thing, but I couldn't tell if James was hooking up with other girls as then it doesn't seem too problematic for her to do that? But I couldn't tell if she actually liked Scorpius or was using him to get back at James a little. And her friendship with Rose doesn't seem very strong or like they have much in common or even care about each other that much. I was trying to figure out why Rose is so against James and Collette as it doesn't make her look like a very good friend, and wondered if it's because she doesn't think that Collette is good enough or cares enough for James? And it was a little confusing and hard to tell how much Scorpius was supposed to like her. At times you made it seem like he was obsessed with her and really liked her personality as well as looks and only didn't fight for her because he never thought she would stay with him, but at other times it was almost like he didn't really care about her that much and actually found her annoying when they were trapped. I guess since I'm a Rose/Scorpius shipper, I wish for Rose's sake that Scorpius hadn't first fallen for her best friend first and that he didn't really care about Collette or regret losing her. I think it would be nice if Collette tried to get him again and for him to reject her for Rose so that Rose knows he really likes her and that she isn't just a second choice. Anyway, I'm very interested to see how things progress. Thanks for sharing your writing.

Author's Response: The honest truth?? Collette's just a pretty face that knows how to make broken souls feel important(ie James/Scorp). Collette's a straight up b-, but I think she was both attracted to Scorpius and trying to make James jealous since he wasn't in a hurry to date her. No James is completely monogamous to Collette, whereas Collette...ehh.

Rose just didn't like it since she didn't want James getting with one of her friends, but it kind of evolved into Collette showing her real side and Rose just not thinking Collette was good enough for James.

Scorp gets over Collette pretty quickly, but his self esteem is also kind of nothing so he also doesn't really think he deserves some one who even cares about him a little.

And the Sco/Rose story I wrote...it's kind of NOT one of those love/marriage/babycarriage(maybe not in that order anyways) stories...but I"m sure you'll enjoy the ride ;) Oh, and tbh the whole Lilith thing has little to do with the story post-Hogwarts, it's crazy lol.

Anyways, thanks for reading! It means a lot!


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Review #11, by Allilipsie The Lines that Brought Them Together: Scorpius

28th April 2013:
Okayy. just to start off, not a bad story, in fact pretty interesting. I just keep getting confused every time you describe Lilieth/Nyx's hair in chp2 it was chestnut brown and chp5 it suddenly became raven black. There was also a slip up with Collette's hair, first it was blonde now it's brunette? Just something you might need to touch up on.

Author's Response: Oops, seriously didn't even notice lol!! I'll be sure to fix it. And thank you, constructive criticism is always good :))

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Review #12, by sillylion The Line That Broke Them: Rose

15th January 2013:
Well. Another great chapter. I cant wait to see how Scorp and Rose continue on.. Also I was wondering how Al is going to be? I see him as a player or a loaner in every nextgen story and I was currious.. or will he be the first Advrage Al I see???

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Review #13, by sillylion The Line That Defined Him: Scorpius

15th January 2013:
Well! interesting first chapter and I cant wait to see what the next one brings...

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Review #14, by BBWotter The Line That Defined Him: Scorpius

5th December 2012:
This story is a story that really speaks to me :) I would love to see it follow through, please write on, I'm totally favouriting this story :D x

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