So, I'm really glad you picked James/Lily for the quote, because I loved that you used it when James described Lily's and then Harry's smile - that he has her smile, not just her eyes. I thought it was adorable.
I loved reading every moment of this, seeing what would be a simple, normal moment for new parents and having war nearby ready to shatter it, but his family is still enough for James. Aww.
Sam. Report Review
Aw. Really really lovely writing. I like how you used the quote for both Lily and Harry's smiles, that's sweet :)
Thanks for the cute little read ♥ Report Review
*clap* *clap* *clap* i havn't been this touched since the "going through snape's memory " in DH, and im dont get touched often *respect* i look forward to more... Report Review
Wow, that was wonderful. I think everyone in the world just sighed because it was so sweet.
I really love your James in this. He seems so different from the loud and arrogant person that J. K. Rowling showed us but I like this James too. You can see that he really cares for Lily and Harry and that he loves them very dearly.
Your imagery was great, usually I get bored when author's do imagery but you had just enough so that it wasn't boring and didn't make me want to skip anything.
Great job on flow, the chapter flowed really well, it wasn't choppy at all so I congratulate you on that.
The emotions expressed throughout this are believable. The way that you showed the fear that James and Lily felt was reasonable and believable instead of ridiculous. You could really tell that they were in deep danger and that things weren't safe anymore. But you could also see that James and Lily were trying to make the best of things.
All in all, this was very well written and you should be proud of this.
~Alexfan out!Author's Response: Aww, this review is so lovely :)
The James in this is how I imagined he would be in the parts of the story J.K Rowling didn't show us, especially after graduating. I really also concentrated on showing how James interacted with Lily and Harry and I'm glad you liked how he was portrayed!
Thank you for commenting on the imagery and flow! These were two parts elements I was most concerned about and it really helps to get reader feedback that it was smooth and interesting :)
I was actually also worried that the emotions might have been too fluffy in the midst of the war so it's nice to hear that it was realistic.
Thank you so much for taking the time to review! I really appreciate it and I'm glad you liked it :) Report Review
I love it!!! please write more!!Author's Response: Aww thank you! This is specifically a one-shot but it you liked the James/Lily pairing I do have an on-going Jilly short-story with cute fluffy moments! lol *shameless plug* Thank you again :) Report Review
Hi! I'm here to give you the review you requested. :)
So, this was a really good story. I loved the quote incorporation, and since you used it twice, I was able to guess that it was your quote from the challenge. It was very smoothly incorporated into your story!
The parallel between James' love for Lily and his love for Harry was really nice. I thought it fitting that the two separate scenes took place in the same room. And I enjoyed how you gave small tidbits about the unrest in the world, rather than going on and on like some might. After all, this story is about love and hope in the face of adversity, not fear and deception at the mercy of an enemy. The focus on that principle was present throughout, and that was good.
If I had one thing to suggest, I would ask you to wary your syntax sometimes. There were a few places where the sentences could have been written in fewer words, and then they would have been slightly clearer to the reader. But there was no major mishap, and as a whole, the story was quite easy to read.
Well done, and good luck in the challenge!
~UnluckyStar57Author's Response: Hi there! I'm so sorry for such a late reply to this--thank you for reviewing!
I'm glad to hear that the quote was incorporated well! I thought of James and Lily literally the minute I read the quote and I really wanted to do it justice in fitting it into their story. I know the war was becoming a really big part of their lives at that point but I really wanted to focus more on the love and hope, as you said rather than fear.
And thank you for that advice! My writing is rather wordy at times and it helps having it pointed out to remind me that it would help to edit the syntax.
Thank you again for the review! It was very helpful and I'm glad you liked it :D Report Review
ah this is such a sweet oneshot! I loved the ending to this, it really was just such a beautiful and wonderful ending! The only thing I would suggest would be to add a page break or something that would better help the readers recognize the transition in time. I thought you did a great job with the quote you were given for the challenge and liked how you used it both times. It seemed to connect the beginning of your story to your ending rather nicely. The description in this was done wonderfully as well! I couldn't spot any mistakes in this either so great job with that! Altogether it was a wonderful and heart warming piece to read! Great Job!
~Slytherinchica08~Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much for such a lovely first review :) I hadn't planned to use the quote twice actually--it was somewhat last minute so I'm really glad you liked it!
Thank you for that suggestion to make the transition smoother. Now that I'm looking back on it I can see how it can be somewhat confusing. And thank you again for the review! It really made me smile :) Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection