Reading Reviews for Shades of Green
21 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Lady Asphodel Hufflepuff and Proud

10th April 2015:
Hey Lauren! (Gryffie CTF ~ AA - Round 5 *jailbreak*)

A very, very interesting take or missing moment during the last task of the tournament.

This event is such a pivotal moment throughout the HP series. It's the beginning of change for Harry and everyone else.

And reading this through Cedric's POV really bring things home. Like him, I feel the confusion and want of trying to get to the cup through every corner and dead ends of the maze.

It's sad that knowing what happens to him, especially with your touch of how he expected glory, his family, and Cho... Cedric had no idea death was waiting before him: directly in front of Cedric - and he walked right into the Grimm's hands.

And it's even more amazing reading Cedric holding onto his house pride before being killed.

Overall, another story of yours added to my fave list! Great, great job! I loved this! I do, I do. :)

- Asphodel

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Review #2, by Karou_Marauder Hufflepuff and Proud

9th July 2014:
Hiya! My sister was playing a game with creepy music while I read this...listening probably wasn't a good idea :P.

I love how you've described the maze, like a living, breathing, watching cage. I would get sick of all those leaves too if I was in there. The tensions build-up is really good, it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up!

And I can totally believe that he'd be worried about Cho preferring Harry to him. He is the Chosen One after all. And I also think it's funny that Harry and Cedric have similar fantasies about winning, both involving Cho running up and hugging them.

And that last part...urgh, I hate how Cedric died. To semi-quote John Green, "I want more days for Cedric Diggory than what he got".

And it does suck to be the good guy.

-Karou, 2014 House Cup Review, Educational Decree #5

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Review #3, by MyMyMiss Hufflepuff and Proud

7th March 2014:
Hi hun, here for battle (:

Anyway I think your portrayed Cedric really well in this one-shot. I think his characterization was really good because we hardly knew much about him, leaving the space of under-loved character open and giving the writer that little bit more free will to make the character how we fell they should be, and you, portrayed the Cedric I love to read about!

The fear that swept through him, was incredible and I could feel it, I was bascially on the edge of my chair, just wanting for him to get out of that labyrinth of leaves and spells. The tri-wizard was bad enough from Harry's PoV, but to see it from another characters point of view was amazing, and this story is very well written. You gryffies have left me really speechless with your writing skills,use are incredible!!

great job, you shold relaly be proud of this piece!!

~MMM: Slytherin And gryffies blackout.

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Review #4, by lady_devil Hufflepuff and Proud

7th March 2014:
For Blackout Bingo.

Just one word to say - WOW! I have read your story about three times and it still amazes me.

I have never read a Cedric story before and to read your one shot is good start, it made me remember how emotional I was at the end of Goblet of Fire. Since then I always wondered what he was thinking about all the things he was doing in the third task, especially his last moments before he died.

Your use of the colour green was superb from start to finish, completely the whole story so flawlessly. And the way you wrote the story was flawless, so vivid and detailed that I can actually picture the story in my head.

Defiantly am going to check out your other stories!

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Review #5, by TheHeirOfSlytherin Hufflepuff and Proud

1st March 2014:
For Blackout Bingo.


Cedric stories. I don't read enough of them and I really should. I'm very glad that this competition led me to your one.

I'd hate the color green, too, if I were Cedric. I don't, House colors and all, but I get why he doesn't like it. The thought of the maze being like a prison was clear in my mind; the thick hedges and the unknown, being in the dark and all, it was creepy. Which is awesome, I love creepy.

Hufflepuff and proud. I love how you ended it. Hufflepuff should have more credit than they're given. Great people come out of Hufflepuff. Cedric is one of them. Sharing the cup with Harry. Glad he was going to fight for Cho, though. Can't give Harry everything. :)

This was a great read. I really enjoyed it.


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Review #6, by MissesWeasley123 Hufflepuff and Proud

29th September 2013:
Lauren your writing skills be making me so jelly bro.

Like, seriously.

What's not perfect about this one shot? I can't hear you! Oh, that's right - NOTHING.

I loved the style you chose to write this. First person was absolutely magnificently done in this, but now I think I'm getting ahead of myself.

The endless green is everywhere I look. Green, the colour I can't stand. The colour of jealousy, sickness and death. It towers over me, surrounding me, constantly intruding my vision.

I cannot escape it.

That part is so perfect, I got goosebumps. What a clever way to use green - the precise colour produced during the Killing Curse.

Gimme ur brain. I want it.
That came out so zombie haha.

I think you showed his insecurity over Cho very well - I believed it. Your descriptions are flawless also, and man it really does suck to be the good guy. You made me feel for him without pitying him, because Cedric was quite brave. And you showed that so well.

A fabulous one shot Lauren!

P.S. HEHEHE MY REVIEWS ARE MUCH LONGER NOW. Remember that pathetically short review I gave you ages ago?? :P


Author's Response: Hey Nadia!

I'm so so so sorry for the appalling amount of time it has taken for me to respond to this amazing review. Please accept some cookies!

And now I don't know how to respond. You've been so lovely. I'm so happy you like the use of the colour green here! I was worried it wouldn't come across the way I wanted it too.

And then *hug* you like the idea that Cedric might be insecure over Cho. I know we have nothing to go on with that but I can't help but feel the guy might get insecure so I'm glad you liked it.

Hey, the review before wasn't pathetically short at all. I appreciate every review I receive!

Thank you so so much my dear, I honestly appreciate this review more than I can say!

Lauren :)

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Review #7, by nott theodore Hufflepuff and Proud

8th September 2013:
Hello, lovely lady!

Would you believe it if I said I've read hardly any stories about Cedric, despite how popular he seems to be in fanfiction? This was a great introduction to reading about him, and to be honest I think I may have just found a new favourite in your (currently published) stories!

I loved the imagery that you used in this piece! The way that you explored the symbolism of the colour green was great - it's quite a simple idea but it was brilliantly executed. Obviously green is the colour of the curse, and we're seeing this as Cedric's dying moments in the face of the Avada Kedavra curse, but also there's the theme of jealousy tied in, with the thoughts about Cho and Harry. I really enjoyed the way that you used one colour to craft a whole story around, and the description you included in other parts was lovely too.

The structure of the piece was so effective. I got the sense that we were viewing this as Cedric stands, facing death, and he's seeing his life flashing before his eyes, just as you described. It was a great way of telling the story and I really enjoyed it.

Your characterisation of Cedric was really interesting. There's a side here that I haven't seen to him before, almost... manipulative? He does have a thirst for glory and makes decisions based around that. It doesn't actually go against the character we see in the books, since these are private thoughts before he reaches the action, but I find it really intriguing characterisation.

This was such a lovely story, Lauren!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hello to you miss!

Thank you so much for stopping by to leave this lovely lovely review!

I do believe it because I think he is suck an under writeen character and people do forget about him :( I know I do! I really should read more!

I really don't know how to respond to this - just thank you!

I know a lot of people don't agree with jealous Cedric and I can see why but I think it's easy for most people to get jealous now and then and I wanted to explore that. I'm glad you found it intriguing though!

Thanks again for an amazing review Sian!

Lauren :)

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Review #8, by marauderfan Hufflepuff and Proud

3rd July 2013:
Hello :) I really enjoyed reading this. You've done a great job writing Cedric, how he keeps reminding himself to focus on the task. I love the details you added in about his dream of glory for Hufflepuff, and getting the girl. Poor Cedric :(

The imagery you used is wonderful - I like the constant references to green throughout the piece. Also, with the way it starts being unclear about which green is surrounding him at that moment, makes the entire story kind of seem like a flashback, or flashing before his eyes, as it were - like the whole thing is contained in the one second in which he sees Wormtail's Killing Curse. I really liked that - it added extra meaning for his distaste of green.

Cedric didn't get much time to shine in the books, and he really did shine here. Wonderful work Lauren! :)

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you so much for stopping by!

I'm so happy you liked what I've done with Cedric! He was fun to think about in a different way.

I'm such a pile of mush after reading this review - I really don't know how to respond. That's exactly what I was going for so to know you got it and enjpyed it really means so much to me!

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your review!

Lauren :)

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Review #9, by ScarletEye158 Hufflepuff and Proud

7th April 2013:
Hey Lauren! You thought this was bad? Heck no, I thought it was awesome! :)

This was a really cool story to read. I liked reading it from Cedric's POV because we didn't get to see too much of him in the 4th book and it was nice seeing how someone else interpreted the task. Even though we got to see how Harry saw it, I liked being able to see his view :)

I really liked the way you focused on the green throughout the whole story, too. I can totally understand why Cedric would have hated the color and it just sucks for him to have to die seeing it :(

I also really liked how frantic you made all of Cedric's thoughts seem. The constant thoughts of "Just keep going. Just keep going." made him seem completely terrified and showed that he was pushing himself to get the cup because he wanted it so bad.

I loved how loyal you had him being towards his house! He obviously wanted Hufflepuff to get some glory for once and I actually feel really bad for him that he didn't win :/ You did a great job with all of his emotions and I really liked this story :)

Nice job, Flobberworm! ;D


Author's Response: Hi Flobberworm!

First of all, sorry for taking this long to reply! I really appreciate the review though, it's so lovely!

I really enjoy Cedric in the books and so that's what made me want to do this. The green came from the light the spell creates but then it worked even better with the maze so I'm glad you thought it worked well!

One thing I was sure about with Cedric is that he had to be loyal so I'm so happy you both picked up on this and liked it!

Thanks so much for leavng such an amazingly lovely review! It means a lot!

Lauren :)

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Review #10, by CambAngst Hufflepuff and Proud

20th February 2013:
This was very clever, the way that you captured a few of Cedric's final moments and let us inside his thoughts. He's a character who attracts a lot of interest from fan fiction writers, and I usually tend to attribute this more to the actor who played him in the movies than the way he was written in the books. To be honest, JKR never gave him much of a spotlight. Here, he gets a great moment in the sun, and you really made the most of it.

First off, his mantra seems so appropriate to the guy who came to define Hufflepuff for most readers. Head down, focused, workmanlike, soldiering on. Yet he has big dreams. He's going to get the cup, and the girl and the glory. He sees people chanting his name and Cho fawning over him adoringly. It all made him seem really human to me.

Your imagery was mysterious and sort of dream-like, so I'm not completely sure whether Cedric was actually in the maze at the beginning or whether he's entered some sort of purgatory after being killed by Wormtail. But at the end, when he finds himself once again surrounded by green, there was no mistaking it. He has crossed over.

You did a nice job writing this and I couldn't find a thing wrong with it, so kudos for good editing! I really hope to read more of your work in the future, but for now I'm all out of Lauren! Nice job!

Author's Response: Hello again!

I totally agree about what your saying about him being so popular because of the actor rather than the character. It does rather annoy me though how little Cedric is in the films really. I rather liked him in the books to be honest and I wish JK had given us some more time with him before killing him off. I digress though...

I'm glad you picked up on his characterisation, again this is always a major worry for me. This is how I picture Ced to be though so I'm happy you think he seems human.

I'm going to be honest - I'm not actually sure whether Cedric's in the maze or if it's just him thinking he's in the maze when the bright light surrounds him. Him thinking he was in the maze was the orginal intention when I started writing it but it's open to interpretation haha! The ending is definitely him stood facing Wormtail as he kills him.

Thank you for a lovely review!

Lauren :)

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Review #11, by patronus_charm Hufflepuff and Proud

9th February 2013:

I decided to come and read your work, as you’ve read some of mine, I thought it was time I repaid the favour!

I loved your description it was excellent you created a very vivid scene for me, which I love as I think it’s so important in a story to exactly know what the scene looks like! I also like how you described the many meaning of the colour green, I never really thought about it before, so it was thought provoking:)

Even though I knew it was about Cedric, it took me a while to realise where it was taking place, because I thought at first they were already in the grave yard, it was only when you mentioned the branches grabbing him that he was still in the maze.

It was interesting seeing the maze scene in another person’s head as I’m so used to it taking place in Harry’s it was nice to have another perspective. It was nice to see that he was sticking by his Hufflpuff morals of being fair, even though he wanted to bring his house honour, as normally people would just want to bring themselves honour, and not really caring who else gets it.

I rather like Cho/Cedric stories as they’re rather unexplored, so it was nice to see that she was in his thoughts when he imagined winning the cup, as it showed how much they cared for one another and it helped explain, why she was so traumatised after his death.

I didn’t realise that Cedric viewed himself as being competition with Harry as like he said, I always thought he was the good guy, who didn’t mind too much about winning. I thought the bit about including the rivalry over Cho was good, as I never thought anyone noticed that Harry liked her, other than Hermione, but that does make sense.

Overall I thought this was a really interesting story, and I’m glad I read it, as it was nice to see Cedric with more depth! Kiana

Author's Response: Hello!

Sorry for the delay in replying! Thank you so much for stopping by.

I didn't actually mean it to be so thought provoking but it's not a bad thing I guess. I really tried to get the description right in this so I'm glad it worked!

I really wanted Cedric to be proud of his house and for that to show through. I also felt Cho would be in his thoughts as well as his family. I wasn't sure about just Hermione knowing, I felt Harry made it a bit obvious at times and he did ask her to the ball. Hopefully it works anyway.

Thanks for the lovely review!


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Review #12, by adluvshp Hufflepuff and Proud

8th February 2013:
Review Tag!

I really liked this! I think you have portrayed Cedric really well, and yes I agree that even though he was a very nice guy, he must have had his insecurities. You expressed his thoughts quite vividly throughout and it made for a gripping read. The ending was written powerfully as well. I liked the whole concept of Cedric not "liking" the green, and ultimately being killed by a green light, it was quite sad.

All in all, your plot concept was interesting, and I enjoyed your characterisation of Cedric. The whole narrative flowed well, and it was all written quite realistically. I especially liked how Cedric forced himself to keep going, how determined he was - or I should say hardworking just like a Hufflepuff should be. The last two words that ran through his mind while dying were "Hufflepuff" and "proud" and that was great.

A brilliant piece of writing. I'll give you a 9/10!


Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for a lovely review!

I'm really glad you agree about Ced's insecurities. I know a lot of people think he was easy going and a nice guy so they don't think this of him but I wanted to give it a bit of a different slant.

Thank you so much for all the lovely comments! I'm so happy you feel the concept worked and the flow etc was good! It all means so much!

I wanted to give some recognition to Hufflepuff! I don't think they get enough bless 'em!

Thanks again!

Lauren :)

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Review #13, by MissMdsty Hufflepuff and Proud

31st January 2013:
This was so intense! That is one of the most difficult things to do, give voice to the last moments of somebody's life.

Cedric was a boy when he died and his thoughts were those of a boy. Of his parents and the girl he loved, of how at seventeen he could reach eternal glory. His description in this story was very real, for the character Cedric Diggory and for a teenage boy that finds himself in over his head in something he never anticipated in his worst dreams.

All in all I think you did a really great job with this. Although if I remember correctly you had a few more stories, but I guess you deleted them. It's such a shame, I was really looking forward to reading your Fred/OC story.


Author's Response: Hello :)

Thanks for the lovely review!

I really felt for Cedric in the books, I really liked him and then it all came to a horrible end all too soon. I always wish JK had given him more time in the previous books as I would have loved to have known him more.

I'm really happy you thught my descriptions of his character were good, I must admit, it was a huge worry of mine when writing this.

I did delete them as they weren't great and I want to work on them when I have more time. I'm not very good at seeing a story through which is why the three things posted are all one-shots! I do intend to go back to it though, one day anyway.

Thanks again for the swap :)


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Review #14, by caoty Hufflepuff and Proud

26th January 2013:
Hey. *waves* So here I am, finally fulfilling my end of the Gryffie Review Exchange.

Hufflepuff is probably my favourite House - I'm a bad Gryffindor, I know - and so it's always nice to see them getting recognition. Anyway. Onto the actual review.

I like your use of colour imagery here. Green in Harry Potter is, obviously, the colour of the Killing Curse, and so throughout this one-shot it reminds me uncomfortably of what will have happened to Cedric by the time we get to the end.

Cedric's voice is great, too. Despite the short-ish length of this, I've got a real sense of his personality and emotions, the qualities associated with Hufflepuff - The decision was easy though, girl or glory? Girl trumps every time. was a particularly lovely example of that - it just works really well.

To answer the question in your A/N, I'm not sure how insecure he'd feel about Harry's crush on Cho, or even to what extent he'd know about it. He is, after all, a pretty awesome guy to just about everyone - he sees Harry for what Harry is, which is an ordinary fourteen-year-old who gets shoved into extraordinary situations - not much of a threat, really. And, being awesome, he probably trusts Cho enough so that he'd assume she wouldn't cheat on him with Harry anyway. So I think your characterisation's alright.

Moving on. Could you please fix the spacing in this one-shot? It's a bit weird, and it's messing with my ability to read your fic. Also, you're a bit inconsistent with your use of contractions - lines like:
I cannot escape it.
seem a bit too formal, and consequently OOC.

Anyway. Well done, and I'll see you round on the forums. :)

Author's Response: Hello :)

Thank you for the review!

I'm really happy you liked the use of the colour green and Cedric's voice. The fact you said you got a good sense of his personality makes me really happy as I was worried I wouldn't get it right.

Yeah, I agree that he probably trusts Cho and he is pretty decent with Harry but still, if I could tell someone liked my bf I still would feel a little protective and jealous no matter how much I didn't show it or how much I trust him. That's what I was trying to get through anyway. I mean Harry's the saviour of the wizarding world and famous... it must be hard to compete.

Hmm the spacing gets on my nerves too, and trust me, I have tried to fix it a few times - honest. It still manages to create extra spaces I'm sure. I will go back and try again though. I've also noted your other point and will maybe look at changing a few of the lines when I get chance.

Thanks again for the review!

Lauren :)

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Review #15, by Jchrissy Hufflepuff and Proud

26th January 2013:
Hi darling!! I wanted to come by for a visit.. and am so happy I did!

Cedric is one of those characters that I'll always wish JKR would have done more with. Given him more in the first 3 books, because he deserved it to get to this terrible point.

I am really, really impressed with your portrayal in this. I wouldn't even know where to start. Not only did you take a different side to him (more on that later) but you stuck with what you chose the entire time! His mantra of 'just keep going' fit so well with the perfect mood. This is the first piece of yours I've read that really focuses a lot on description, well, I guess I should say physical description. And you do so amazing with it! One of your first sentences, the bit about the sensation crawling over him like a parasite... I absolutely loved that. You had so many vivid, original details in this and i LOVED it.

Okay, with Cedric. I've never read him this... calculated. He isn't this happy go lucky Hufflepuff just trying to do his best. He's hard, and he wants to *win*... and I think that it fits him so much better than anything else I've read. I love that you had his reasons for not taking the cup so much more than just 'it's fair.' But instead he was already thinking of what taking the cup would do. Yes, he'd win, but soon enough everyone would know Harry Potter was there too and he offered him to be the one to take it. Then Cedric would be shadowed by Harry Potter's heroic good guy-ness. You just played on so many different aspects and I was absolutely enthralled.

This was a wonderful piece, m'dear ♥

Author's Response: Hello again!

Thank you so much for a lovely unexpected review!

I love Cedric and I really wish he was given a lot more in the books! I was really gutted when he died.

Gosh I don't really know how to respond to this! I really wanted to focus on the descriptions in this, especially as there wasn't any conversation really. It's just Cedric and the maze. To hear that it works well and you enjoyed it is amazing to hear!

I was terrified about writing Cedrics character this way as I thought everyone would be 'no! Cedric isn't like that at all!' But I really think there is a lot more to his character than that - he wouldn't have been picked to be triwizard champion otherwise. I'm so happy you enjoyed this version of him! It really does mean a lot!

Thanks again for such a lovely surprise!

Lauren :)

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Review #16, by CloakAuror9 Hufflepuff and Proud

23rd January 2013:
Hello! (:

I thought this was a really good insight on what Cedric's last thoughts could have been. I really love his character and how much pride he carried for his house. I also liked the fact that his thoughts weren't just composed of Hufflpuff but also of Cho and his Dad.

His thoughts were a bit of a jumble, to be honest, and once or twice I got lost when the scene changed, so maybe consider re-reading the story and try to make things more define. It's nothing major, though, so don't worry too much. :P

All in all, I thought you wrote Cedric's character really well. His desire to win the Triwizard Tournament showed through and I love he says in the last paragraph that even though it costed him his life, he doesn't regret going for the cup. He spoke like a true champion. ♥

I loved the story. Amazing job!


30th review out of 100

Author's Response: Hello!

Sorry for the delayed response to this! I wasn't expecting another review from you so this was a lovely surprise :)

I'm really glad you enjoyed the story! I will have another read through and see if I can get rid of any confusion that might be caused. I did want it to be a tad confusing though - Cedric himself is confused to start with!

I think Cedric was really proud of being a hufflepuff which is why I wanted to have that in there. I wouldn't imagine him having any regrets either - he just doesn't seem the type to me.

Thank you so much for leaving another amazing review!

Lauren :)

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Review #17, by Secret Santa Hufflepuff and Proud

2nd January 2013:
It's been a while since I've read a Cedric fic, so this was quite nice change of pace. There was a time a couple of years ago, when Cedric was much more popular in fanfics, but I guess next generation stuff kind of took over after that.

I actually made a banner for this fic, but now on the second reading I realize, that I may have put too much focus on the ending of it instead of the maze part, that is much more important for the story. If you agree with me, then I can make the better banner for you tomorrow. :)

Yeah, but back to the story. Cedric's inner musings were fun to read when he wandered around the maze. It was maybe a bit choppy one-shot, because the scene changes were bit abrupt. Other than that, it was easy to read, and although I already knew how it would end, you still managed to keep the suspense factor high.

There were some additional spaces between text that could be edited out, but it's no biggie. I loved your similes, especially a comparision of death to a bird was really cool one. In a way it's kind of fun idea that he hated greenery so much, considering who their head of the house is. :) I loved how the Hufflepuff spirit came through in this fic. There are not many stories about Hufflepuffs, which is kind of shame. Being a good guy and loyal one to boot may not be fashionable, but Cedric was a cool kid.


Super Secret Santa :P

Author's Response: Hello :)

Thank you so much for a lovely review and thank you so much for the banner - I love it! I don't think it needs changing at all - I really love it.

I'm really glad you liked the story. I never thought about his head of house when writing it! Whoops! I love Cedric in the books and was so gutted when he died. He was awesome!

Thank you for your suggestions - I will go back over and take note of them!

Thanks for a great review and banner!

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Review #18, by my_voice_rising Hufflepuff and Proud

15th December 2012:
Hello! I'm here with your (very late) requested review.

I thought this was well-written. It was a little confusing at points; particularly where there were scene changes. Maybe some sort of dialogue like you used earlier would have helped to clarify where Cedric was, if he was alone or with somebody else, etc.

I particularly enjoyed the part where he was talking about it sucking to be a good guy. But maybe that part needs to be reworked as well because it was one of the more confusing areas :)

I really enjoyed your ending, too, "Hufflepuff and proud." I don't think Puffs get nearly enough attention in fanfic. So bravo for that!

All in all, a nice job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much :) I loved Cedric in the books so I wanted to give him his story so to speak!

I will have another read through when the queue opens and try and edit the story so it's less confusing... thank you for pointing that out!

Thanks again!

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Review #19, by Siriusly89 Hufflepuff and Proud

13th December 2012:
Hi :) Siriusly89 here with your albeit late requested review :)

Seriously, I am loving your stories right now! I read your George/Fred one-shot earlier, and now I find this little gem? Aaaah! And the fact that its about a Hufflepuff sweetens the deal even more! HUFFLEPUFF AND PROUD! I love how Cedrics thoughts are almost disjointed, and his description of the maze was spot on! So kudos to you! Please PM me if you ever want any of your other stories reviewed :D

Author's Response: Aww wow, thank you for such a lovely and positive review! I'm really glad you enjoyed it! I love Cedric in the books and was really gutted when he died so this is my little tribute to him and Hufflepuff!

Thanks again and I most certainly will be PM'ing you soon =)


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Review #20, by ashleydelacour Hufflepuff and Proud

11th December 2012:
Hi Lorenzo. Here's your review:

I think you have a solid introduction. I like the metaphor of being a panther in the jungle. Overall, your writing is a delight to read as it is so descriptive and really leads the reader to fill their head’s with vivid colors and imagery. You set your canvas well.

The only issues I have with the one shot are some of the grammar. I found as follows, with corrections written in bold/italics:

-“Hufflepuff WILL finally have something to be honored with. “

-I would put a little introduction to the lead-up of the vision he’s having with Dumbledore shaking his hand. You make it seem like it is happening presently, when it’s not. The tense is off. A figure pushing through the crowd, breaking free. The second one was right, but the first one was past tense, whereas the latter was present tense. Those are tricky sometimes, but they make all the difference in the flow of your story that was otherwise really well done. : )

-“…innocently twinkling at me”. Get rid of the “sat” in the sentence; it’s an extra word that isn’t needed. Wasn’t sure if this was a typo or not, so I just thought I’d point it out.

-“…cheering of the crowd like I dreamed had I had been pulled back into a world of green?” I think you might have an extra had in there.

“I become aware of how I am stood”. Again, the tense is off. “I became aware of how I was standing” or “My readying poise was prepared for the fight…” or something to that affect. The word stood is the needs to be changed or taken out and substituted for another word.

On a less critical note, this was a really creative idea, and I really enjoyed reading it. I think your characterization of Cedric was realistic, as we only see him as this confident, charming guy that seems to have no flaws. He’s a hero and Hogwarts’ sweetheart. In that unrealistic light, it was nice to see what kind of insecurities Cedric might have, even though he never came out forthright and revealed what they are. It makes a lot of sense for him to be jealous’ of Harry’s affection for Cho, even though Cedric has the girl already, because Harry is put on such a high pedestal by the Wizarding world, so it makes sense that Cedric would be a little shaken as Harry is given so much attention by everyone.

Good job!

Author's Response: Oh thank you for such a lovely review! I'm really glad you enjoyed the description and thought the characterisation was good, I was most worried about that!

Thank you for the corrections... I'll sort them out when the queue opens up again after xmas =)

Thanks again!

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Review #21, by Voldy Needs a Hug Hufflepuff and Proud

9th December 2012:
And it looks like I'm the first review!

Anyway, I loved this one-shot. It took me awhile to realise whom the narrator was, where he was, and what he was doing. I must applaud you for indirectly revealing such information gradually throughout the story, instead of stating it outright.

Your characterisation of Cedric was spot on. I had always wondered what was going through his head during the Triwizard Tournament, and your writing seemed to accurately capture one of the many possibilities. I loved the desperation in his voice when he was sprinting toward the cup, and also his anger toward Harry, who was after his girl.

The plot followed the third Triwizard Task and moved alon quickly. Your transitions were smooth and the events flowed flawlessly from one to the next. Additionally, I noticed no major spelling, grammar, or punctuation mistake.

Fantastic job!

Author's Response: Oh gosh :) Thank you so much!! This is such a lovely review! I was really worried about this but you have made me feel so much better. I really really appreciate it!!


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