Reading Reviews for Oh Mary
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by keyty Oh Mary

27th January 2014:
How could I resist yet another Sirius/OC fic?

I like this a lot. Most Sirius one-shots I read involve a snog in the broom closet or Sirius and the girl hating each other and then madly falling in love. This is vague, and I love that. I noticed a couple grammar issues, but nothing too major.

Your voice is quite lovely. It flows very well and it sucks me in. I love your word choice, it's very fitting. And the lack of dialogue at the beginning works very well to show character development for everyone, however subtle it may be.

Overall this is very strong, and I like it a lot. Great job!

Author's Response: Thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to review :)
I'm rather fond of Sirius myself, and I adore Mary. I think they're rather meant for each other! She is a favorite obscure canon character of mine. She's the poster child for sensible girls everywhere and I love that about her. And Sirius is so lovely as well, even if he's a great big idiot :D

Thank you for the review!
~Shiloh


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Review #2, by BookDinosaur Oh Mary

27th January 2014:
Hello there! It's BookDinsoaur here with your requested review from the forums. :)

Oh goodness, I really did enjoye reading this story. I know that you said it was a prequel to something else, but in my opinion it could stand on it's own perfectly well as well, because I haven't read the other story, but this all made perfect sense to me. :)

I think you captured Mary so perfectly. I mean, I think that this Mary, the way you wrote her, could just be the representative for sensible girls everywhere. I know girls like her, who are smart and popular and mother-hens, and you've done an amazing job portraying her in this.

I loved this quote especially: Hes a silly boy, she would say. And hardly worth your tears, dearie. Hes not your forever so dont let him ruin you. You smile now, and start looking for a nice boy who has a little more brain and a little less useless beauty. It's just so perfect, and it really does make her seem like an old soul. She sounds like a grandma, almost.

I love your characterisation of everyone else here as well. I mean, even though there's only a couple of sentences about them, you managed to paint a really vivid description of the other Maruders and other characters. You did a great job with description overall, actually - I could completely imagine this taking place perfectly in my mind's eye, but there weren't loads and loads of descriptive phrases and adjecctives.

Ah, I love how Mary just comforted Dorcas. Dorcas might have thought that going in with open eyes would help her, but it didn't, it really didn't, and Mary didn't say I told you so, just comforted her and got on with her life. It's quite ironic, then, and it must have been very confusing to find out that she herself was falling for the notorious Sirius Black.

Ahh, that last scene! All the feels, my feels are dying, you killed them all. (Sorry for the high level of unprofessionalism there haha.) Seriously, the way Mary was whispering because she didn't want Sirius to know about how she felt, and then how she said that is would be no use telling him that she did like him. :(

And oh. My. Goodness. That last sentence was just so heartbreaking because of course they all think that there'll be the rest of their lives to help Sirius and Mary get togehter, but they're all going to die in a few short years and ermagahd the dramatic irony is all just too mcuh for me. Too much. :(

Anyway, sorry for this very messy, squee-ing review, I really loved reading this chapter and I'm glad I had the chance to. :)

Author's Response: Feel free to be unprofessional :D It made me smile.

Thank you for reviewing! I'm always so happy when someone likes Mary. She's probably my favorite canon character, whom we really know nothing about, to write. I working on the story I mentioned this preceded, which I haven't actually posted yet, and she was just a peripheral character. Then all of a sudden she started becoming more and more important and then there was a scene where she was just sitting in front of a fire watching it burn and suddenly I realized she was in love with Sirius. She came to life in my mind and now I just love her so I'm glad you do too :)

That last scene about killed me. I wasn't trying to be all dramatic, it just kind of happened. It's so easy to write them with a seer-like feeling about the future but in reality it will be years before the dread and fear really set it. Right now they're seventeen and invincible. So I had to put in that line, about having a lifetime in which ti fix Sirius, because that's how Lily felt just then. But yes, it killed my feels too :)

Thank you for a wonderful review! Totally made my morning.
~Shiloh


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Review #3, by Train_5015 Oh Mary

14th June 2013:
Yep. Liking this. Alot. Please write and post the following story! :)

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm working on it :)

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Review #4, by Jchrissy Oh Mary

30th December 2012:
First of all, I love that you stated this was a prequel. It wouldn't be enough as it's own story, but knowing it stands beside something else made me extremely curious about the other story. This is such a perfect writing style for my taste. It's so easy to read in the sense that you took a lot of care to word things in a way that makes them just sink into my brain. I didn't ever find myself tripping over awkward sentences, or trying to swim through description to get to the point.

I love reading poetic works, but this is the style that just captures me the most. After the first paragraph I'm already imagining everything like a movie, and that didn't stop until the very really. Really, really awesome job on making everything feel so smooth, m'dear.

You also do an excellent job with dialogue tags. You avoid them when you can and instead make it clear through another thing, like 'She hugs Lily, wishing her a happy Christmas..' so you still make it clear who is speaking without having to point it out.

I really enjoy Mary's personality. The way she watches things, takes things in, she really does seem like an old soul. She's too sensible for her own good, and it's so easy to see why she and Sirius would be good for one another. His unplanned, chaotic personality with her very reserved one. She could help him grow and he could remind her how to live. and gah. Of course it wouldn't end will after Halloween of 1981.. but it could be so perfect until then. Anything marauders breaks my heart.. but I really love the way you characterized everyone. I'm extremely picky about this bunch, but I loved your boys + the girls.

Author's Response: You leave the best reviews *hug*

This piece is one of my personal favorites. Mary is one of my favorites. I can't remember how it started but she just came to life for me one day and I absolutely fell in love with her character. Or what I think her character is :P
I'm glad you liked the dialogue. Or lack thereof. When I was writing it I just felt like stopping to put in lots of wordy bits was tripping things up and messing with the flow. The point of this story isn't what they're saying it's what they see and feel. It's everything behind the dialogue so it just felt unimportant to have a lot in there.

I hope to have the story this is attached to up before this summer but I'm being really fussy about it. Honestly it's actually a story I started writing years ago and then I changed and grew as an author and I took it down because I didn't like it anymore. But I still love the idea of it so now I just have to make it work.

Thank you so much for such a lovely review :)

xoxo
Shiloh


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Review #5, by justonemorefic Oh Mary

24th December 2012:
Two paragraphs in and I am already in love with Mary. Ahh, the mother hen (I'm weirdly reminded of the Mrs Piggle Wiggle books, because the author's last name is MacDonald), and so perfectly described. I love that she takes care of the girls, and her line for them is too perfect: Hes a silly boy, she would say. And hardly worth your tears, dearie. Hes not your forever so dont let him ruin you. You smile now, and start looking for a nice boy who has a little more brain and a little less useless beauty. Teehee, and constantly lecturing Sirius.

Yes, exactly! So if I go into it with my eyes open, I cant be upset when its over. Oh, Dorcas. You are not the first to think that. And baww, so Mary did know best, but the end of that scene! Ever the mother hen, never to rub it in. I love that Dorcas is totally stubborn on being fine 8D I'd be the same.

(there's a few typos - 'ad she knows' -> 'and she knows', 'who is talking Marlene' -> 'who is talking to Marlene')

Snort, excellent metabolism, oh Sirius. You'll get chocolate abs with sweets, eh? What a goof.

Awww AWWW THAT SCENE WITH LILY IS BREAKING MY HEART. I. EVERY WORD. THAT SADNESS. I just want to pick up Sirius and Mary and smoosh them together because they are being grade A eejits! D: DON'T SPEAK SOFTLY MARY SAY IT OUT LOUD! And I think your description of the Marauders is one of my favorite parts and love love love that you ended with that.

♥ really really lovely!

Author's Response: Aww, I'm so glad you like her. She's probably my favorite canon character that is basically original in every way. We know nothing about her and I like that I was able to make her this. She's really grown on my and I just love her.
I was writing a story that's never been posted here but hopefully will be someday if I can ever make it work, and she was just a name I had chosen. All of a sudden there was a scene with her where she just came to life for me and honestly she became exactly what Sirius needs completely by accident. But I just adore how she's grown into this mother-hen, practical, sensible thing that kind of breaks my heart as well.

Chocolate. He is such an idiot :)

The ending was my favorite part to write, even though it kind of broke my heart. I think I just had to end it that way, with this picture of adolescent happiness and their complete belief in their eternal life. I think sometimes it can be hard to remember that they have no idea what their future holds and it's easy as a writer to try and write them with an almost seer-like knowledge and sadness about their lives. I can't imagine many seventeen year olds believing their lives will be anything but long

Thank you so much for such a nice review ♥

xoxo
Shiloh


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Review #6, by lia_2390 Oh Mary

15th December 2012:
Oh, Shiloh. This was sad :(

This story is probably the epitome of sensible girls everywhere.

Immediately, I love how you've written Mary's character. She's kind, a decent friend and sensible, but at the same time, she holds her heart very close to her chest, not letting it go for any man (or boy). She is everything you described her to be without having to say it. It's funny that you chose to speculate on her not having a mother for explaining why she's the way she is. For me it can go both ways, you act wise, or you don't. Lily's perspective on things was intriguing to read too. With all the things she had going on, I don't think she would have realised - realistically speaking. From the point of view of how James acted in the past, she's banking on the fact that people can change. As sad as it sounds, maybe she feels it's for the best that her feelings are not known. But I also caught a hint of potential feelings on Sirius' part simply because she is the only one who stands up to him.

I love the hinting at war you've brought to the table, which makes the very last line of this one-shot a bit haunting. The audience knows there really is no lifetime for them to fix anything.

One thing I noticed is that you switched from past tense to present which I found a bit inconsistent. Otherwise, I have nothing else to critique.

Lia

Author's Response: Thank you for such a lovely review!

Mary is quite sensible. She's the sort of girl who will never tell Sirius how she feels because she knows that it will only end. And I like to think even Sirius would understand that entering into a relationship with Mary is very different than most girls. The way she feels, the way she is, means that she won't risk her heart like that unless there's some sort of forever attached.

I think her not having a mother affected her in some ways but in others, she was always meant to be an old soul. However, and I don't think I put it in there and it seems I ought to have mentioned it, she's got two younger siblings and that's part of why she's so mother-y.

That last line. It kind of broke my heart to write it. But it's so true. I don't think any of us, at 17, feel as if we're going to do anything but live forever. Times are dangerous, as Sirius and Mary agree, but not so dangerous as to really threaten them. I don't think the idea that they might be, and indeed some will be, dead in four years ever occurs to them.

The tense change was on purpose but looking at it now I see that's not readily apparent. Thanks for pointing it out! I'll go back and add a break so it doesn't seem so awkward.

Thank you for such a lovely review. ♥

xoxo
Shiloh


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