Well, what can i say, except for I'm stumped. i'm so sorry for not having reviewed in the longest time, but truly, this was wonderful. you have an excellent style, so simple and non-extravagant, it just never ceases to amaze me. you really showed Louis' growth excellently, while, at the same time, you kept his character consistent. one can really sense his fear of water, the way you describe it. also, his sorting into Slytherin was kind of a surprise, but the reasons justify it well. i really liked his replies to Flint, it shows he's witty and clever, and it really especially reminds me of one of my favorite fictional characters. i'm really looking forward to Louis' journey.
Akansha. Report Review
Love the idea of those high-speed races between teenagers. It makes perfect sense for things like that to happen.
Victorie sounds a bit like Hermione actually - having views on everything. *laughs*
I think "still lay in a bed" would sound better than "still laid".
I'd hate flying too. I won't even go more than about two steps up a ladder.
I'll be judging the challenge soon. *grins*Author's Response: Yeah. I figure that wizard teenagers aren't much different from the Muggles, aside from the magic. Magical or not, they're still teens, and that means taking risks and dreaming up crazy stunts to risk limb and life.
Haha. That's how I imagine her. Very Hermione-esque. They get along fairly well.
Thanks for the correction. I still don't have a good grasp on this past tense thing.
Oh, I'm dreadfully afraid of heights. Refused to climb the Mayan Ruins on school trips. I'm quite fine with the view from the ground. So I figured a fair number would be scared of brooms.
I saw. Still can't believe I placed. Thanks again!
~Leigh Report Review
I like your use of the name Rowena.
*laughs at the idea of another teacher being hired and another room used and Binns being allowed to just go on teaching to an empty classroom* They're right. He probably wouldn't notice.
Hmm, I think there's more to Professor Steele than meets the eye. I like her comment about how only carpet should be walked on.Author's Response: I'm rather fond of the name. So much so that I give it to the kids of my characters quite often. Those off-site, at any rate.
Haha. Couldn't resist. Just from the way he just floats in, teaches, and can't be bothered to learn the names, makes me think that he wouldn't. That and he just died, then floated in to teach anyway.
There's definitely more to her. Still exploring her character, and still deciding as to whether or not the DADA professor curse is still in place.
~Leigh Report Review
Love the way you show that he's tall.
Hmm, I'm mildly intrigued by the character who mentioned "Mam" and whether they are Irish. I know we're not the only ones to use that and the nasally voice doesn't sound typically Irish, but I'm intrigued nonetheless. Will be interesting to find out who these people are.
Hmm, since we immediately meet the Head of Hufflepuff, I'm wondering if you're going to put Louis there. My first assumption was Gryffindor since that's the default for Weasleys. *laughs* But now, I'm not so sure. I could see your Louis anywhere but Slytherin really and I guess we haven't seen enough of him to rule even that out.
He's a lot younger than his siblings.
Hufflepuff for a Malfoy. Interesting. I'm not sure I've ever seen a Malfoy in that house before. All the others, yes, but not Hufflepuff. Wonder what Draco will think.
*laughs* Slytherin? The one house I didn't expect. Hmm, I was really expecting Hufflepuff after one of the twins was placed there. I kind of thought they'd be important to this and that he'd befriend one of them (or both), so I was expecting him to be in the same house and most likely the one placed in Hufflepuff, because that seemed more intriguing than Ravenclaw. Ravenclaw strikes me as being the house the Malfoys would like next best after Slytherin, as intelligence often leads to success.
Hmm, a part-giant (possibly) as head of Slytherin. Interesting.Author's Response: Hey again (:.
Yep. I see Bill as tall, and since Fleur was described as tall, I figured it was only fitting. I can see him going through the same spurts that Ron did.
No, she's not Irish. Just a random character, really, but I hadn't decided on anything aside from her nasally voice. I do know she's not Irish though, because the thought never crossed my mind, haha.
Oh yes; he's definitely much younger. I don't know why, but I saw Bill and Fleur having big gaps between kids. Opposite of all the Weasleys, who seem to like having kids back to back. Someone had to be different, methinks.
In my initial writings, she was a Gryffindor. But then I had another think on it, and after having a conversation with the hat, it decided on Hufflepuff and Slytherin. It may have been wrong in it's placement. Only time will tell!
Hahaha. I know. It was either Ravenclaw or Slytherin in my head. He's not brave or rash enough for Gryffindor. He's impartial enough for Hufflepuff, but I don't think it's the right house for him. I think by the end, you'll see that the hat made the right choice. Not all Slytherins are sly and cunning, and he'll fit right into that minority.
As for being friends with one of the twins? Oh, he will be. You were right in thinking they were important to the story. I figured that with Louis, who won't make many friends inside his own house, befriending those in another would be the option.
Possibly. Though, considering the house's prejudice in the past, it doesn't seem very likely, yes? xD
Thanks for reviewing!
~Leigh Report Review
love it, so different, so unusal, so real, it's quite a big risk i think, when you kill off a regular character, but this totally works, i will defo be reading!Author's Response: Hello (:.
Glad you liked it! This type of writing is still new to me. Even killing a character is new, so it's nice that you think it works. Hopefully, you'll enjoy the rest of it as well.
Thanks for the review!
~Leigh Report Review
Wow, the beginning of this is so well-written and so atmospheric.
The idea of Molly being dead was something of a shock. I really hadn't expected that and it really explains his fear of the water. This family really can't catch a break, can they?
I also like his use of the French word Maman, since I can imagine Fleur preferring to be called that.
Hmm, a little ominous about Bill's letter being overdue. I really don't think this is going to be a happy story. *grins*
If I were to find a fault, it would be that there are places where I think you could tighten the language up by using contractions or leaving out the "thats", like "he thought he'd like to be with Dominique" rather than "he thought that he'd like to be with Dominique" or "he knew Maman would remain in the living room" rather than "he knew that Maman would remain in the living room". That's being very nit-picky though.
The description at the end is really excellent.
I'm assuming that Bill is also dead here. Yikes.Author's Response: Hello (:!
As I told a previous reviewer, this first chapter ended up veering from the original path. Killing Molly just came on the fly (which is weird, since I don't like killing characters), and then they just dropped like flies. And the only way her death would connect was if he liked her as a person, which in my mind, he did. And no, they can't catch a break, haha.
I figured it would be much easier for her to have them call her Maman. Mum would be easy too, but it sort of gives her a little piece of what she's accustomed to. I'm glad you like the addition.
Bahaha. It's going to be mostly up and down, methinks. I won't even say that I'm done picking people off, but I won't do so unless essential to the plot.
Upon rereading the chapter, I definitely see what you mean. I do use the word where it isn't needed, and I've already begun writing the new chapters with that (xD) in mind. I'll go back and clean up the first chapter soon. And don't worry about being nit-picky. Any little bit of critique helps! I can only keep on learning.
Your assumption is correct. I debated about it for a while (could have thrown him onto the fourth floor of Mungo's), but in the end, him being dead works better.
I'm glad that you enjoyed it, and thought that it was well-written! I hope you enjoy the rest of it as well.
~Leigh Report Review
Hi, Leigh. I'm here with your first review!
First and foremost, very, very well written. You have depicted Louis' fear and hatred extremely well. Not to mention that from the first sentence itself, there's an omnious foreboding to what will come to pass. You also have the uncanny ability to describe in a few words what would take other, less prolific writers many paragragphs to express. Case in point, Molly and Louis' friendship and Fleur's shock and grief. Keep it up!
I will certainly be waiting for more. Just a question : does the story only center around an eleven year old Louis, or does he get older as the story progresses?
PS. If you find the time, will you check out my new Albus/OC? I would love your opinions and critiques! :)Author's Response: Hello (:.
Thanks for thinking so. I tried my best to show that he really is scared of the water, and that he associates it with loss, so I'm glad that came through. This first chapter turned out differently than what I had intended. When I wrote that first sentence, it was supposed to lead in to an end-of-the-world type situation. But the more I wrote, it just all quickly changed, and before I know it, disaster's struck in another form. Funny how that happens.
I have up to chapter four written, so more's coming very soon. To answer your question, yes, it only centres around an eleven-year-old Louis. But that's only because what started as an entrant for a challenge, is already wanting to be seven stories in my head. That is, I want to watch him grow up and deal with stuff through the years (loss, friendships, enemyships [haha], hardships, first crush, maybe love, etc.). I've grown attached to him in a really short span of time.
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!
(I've checked out your story and left a review ;).) Report Review
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