75 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LilyEPotter Back to Hogwarts

7th April 2016:
Hi!

That was very quick thinking on Seamus' part. Good thing that he recognized the uniform even though it was due to the color. :)

Terence Higgs. Very interesting. I am very curious as to why the Death Eaters decided that having Quidditch players attacking Harry would be their best plan. Unless Crabbe or Goyle thought up the plan? Especially since we see that Crabbe is blaming Harry for not saving his son when he saved the other two.

What a dilemma for Harry and Ron - having to guard Draco! Though I think that after everything that his family went through the previous year, that he would have changed. I would expect that he would definitely take the second chance that he's been given. :)

LEP:)

Author's Response: Thanks again, Lily! You a very nice person! I'm grateful for your patience over my first ever fic.

Seamus is one of my favorites and I like the coutnry, Ireland. So I often write about him in my fictions.

Terence Higgs might be my first ever victim of the incident. I always wonder if I did right about mystery. I'm just an amateur and cringe sometimes thinking over how on the earth I wrote mystery? So your words encouraged me to go forward.

As the other authors, Draco and Lucius are the interesting characters to write. Let's see where they will go in the end.

Kenny


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Review #2, by LilyEPotter The First Training Week

7th April 2016:
Hi!

Hmm... What is Romilda planning? Is this all a ploy to be Harry's girlfriend? It's probably a good thing that Harry declined to go out with lunch again with her.

I wonder who the wizard is that was following them in Muggle London? Doesn't look like he was interested in keeping the wizarding community a secret if he was holding his wand out for even a Muggle to see.

LEP:)

Author's Response: Thanks again, Lily!

Writing about Romilda and Skeeter, is fun sometimes, but I think I could add more descriptions like you do hard now. I should've done the same thing at the last scene, the Muggle London incident as well.

Kenny



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Review #3, by LilyEPotter Auror Headquarters

5th April 2016:
Hi!

Very glad that Lavender survived the Last Battle. I am curious to know how she's handling the entire situation. She went through a lot during that battle.

Eh. Romilda Vane. You'd have thought that she'd have given up. Definitely wonder what she's going to do to try to trick Harry into being her boyfriend.

Interesting to have included Blaise as an Auror. Now that I think about it, he never actually participated in what the Slytherins did except by being there. A nod towards that there are good Slytherins just like there are bad Gryffindors (Wormtail)?

LEP:)

Author's Response: Hi, Lily! Thank you so much for coming back again.

Yes, I tried to revive Lavender. She deserves a better life.

As I read some fics about Romilda Vane, where she was envious and continued chasing Harry around, which I thought it might be interesting to write her in that way in the Auror's Tale.

Your insiht is right. Blaise was an interesting character to write for me. Thanks again!

Kenny


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Review #4, by LilyEPotter Eighteenth Birthday and Independence

31st March 2016:
Hi!

How sweet! Harry got another snowy owl just like Hedwig and he named it after Sirius! Though I can see where it might get a little confusing between when people are talking about Sirius the person or Sirius the owl. Perhaps a derivation of the name Sirius or of one of his nicknames? The owl would still be named after Sirius but would have its own name. :)

That's a great idea to have Harry, Andromeda and Teddy living together especially since Harry and Teddy are the last of the Marauder "family".

I was a little concerned when Harry mentioned about living at Grimmauld Place since Snape was effectively a Secret Keeper after Dumbledore died. Who knows who knows about its location now.

LEP:)

Author's Response: Hi, Lily! Sorry for late response and thank you for continuing this review swap. I'll come back to your story tomorrow.

Yeah, I thought the other name for Harry's new owl, but I chose Sirius. I hoped Sirius was alive as a godfather for Harry.

When I wrote this chapter, the idea that Andromeda would live with Harry and Teddy popped in my mind naturally.

A Secret Keeper, oh, I forgot that. Hmm, I may edit this chapter. Thank you!

Kenny


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Review #5, by LilyEPotter Reconstruction and Funeral

29th March 2016:
Hi!

This was a very sad chapter. Of course it would have to be with burying the fallen heroes. I am curious to know where Snape was buried though.

It's amazing that even with all the destruction to Hogwarts that they could fix or rebuild the school in such a short time with magic. I laughed when I read about Hagrid and Mr. Filch were cataloging the debris by size.

Hermione certainly had a circuitous route to Australia! I wonder how many questions she had to answer about what happened at Hogwarts? Granted, the wizarding community in Canada and America might not have heard about what happened yet, but the Irish wizarding community likely knew what was going on.

Very glad that Hermione was able to find her parents so easily! She was also very lucky that Hestia was able to fix her parents' memories.

LEP:)

Author's Response: Thank you, again, Lily! I'll be on yours tommorow.

I put my heart into this chapter. Life is beautiful and short. I tried writing so seriously. Each description is heavy and hard to keep writing, so I wanted to end brightly, and I thought of the two, Hagrid and Filch. You seem to enjoy the scene, I'm happy to know. And I also tried writing optimistically. There might be opinions, Hermione had to endured till she could meet her parents. Yeah, I know there are some stories, their meeting wasn't so easy. But my opinion, she was sure to get back her parents after the golden trio beat Voldemort.

I'll stop by yours ASAP. Thank you!

Kenny


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Review #6, by LilyEPotter Life Still Goes On

28th March 2016:
Hi!

I'm here from the "Review the person above you"!

This is a very interesting chapter. I could see everyone being overwhelmed by what happened during the battle. I could see that they were having trouble figuring out what they were going to do next. Not even Harry was completely certain whether he wanted to be on a professional Quidditch team or be an Auror.

I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the story. :)

LEP:)

Author's Response: Hallo, Lily! I've never thought one of our gryffies visits this story. This is my first fiction and there're lots spots I have to edit. So I really appreciate that you stopped by. As you may find out eventually that my obsession is Auror's tale, this story will go in that way.

I checked your Author page so I'll be on yours as well.

Thank you again!

Kenny


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Review #7, by Pixileanin Back to Hogwarts

30th August 2015:
Hi Kenny. Back for another chapter.

Wow, the plot really took off in this chapter. Harry and Ron apprehended someone who has inside information and they're taking him to Hogwarts. It should be a sweet homecoming.

I was slightly surprised that the Aurors didn't know what a Pensieve is, but then it makes sense that Dumbledore would have the most advanced magical artifacts, since he's so old and wise. It's nice to see that the other Aurors are willing to learn new things.

I loved seeing Neville as an assistant to the professor. He's one of my favorite characters. I also loved the lead-in you created for finding the Perverell boy. I would never have guessed that Harry would run into someone so important during the Quidditch tryouts. Now I want to know what the significance of the character is. I guess I'll have to keep reading.

There was one bit of description that I really loved above all the others.

"The Hall echoed with bright laughter and talk and the clatter of knives and forks."

It captured the entire feast in one line.

Also, I am very curious about Draco now. We didn't see him this chapter, but everyone says that he's changed. I'm sure that's coming up soon.

Until next time!

Pix

Author's Response: Hi, Pix. Thank you for following this story.
:)

Talking of the description about a sweet homecoming, I don't deserve to be praised. I feel ashamed more, everytime I read the other author's awesome works. I'm eager to absorb many vocabulary to be a respectable author.

Thinking over own language, I haven't read so many books, I have to read more in my language and in English.

My image of Draco may be diverted from canon story so please keep reading and leave your thouths. I'll send you virtual green tea on the internet. :)

Kenny


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Review #8, by TidalDragon Father and Son

30th August 2015:
I've made it to the end of this one. I'm still blown away at how you write so many chapters, Kenny. It's incredibly impressive.

Anyway, the only drawback I saw to this chapter was that it ends rather abruptly. Given some of what's been alluded to in this story, I certainly get the sense it will be picked up in later pieces you've written, but it just felt a little odd to end here so quickly.

I thought it was a nice touch that you had Harry connecting with the next generation of students though. He was a bit tough on Andrew earlier before knowing him really and his story, and while he did deserve a reprimand, it was difficult to feel that it was ENTIRELY down to that given Harry's expressions of (at least) irritation that the boy seemed to be attracted to Ginny. Let's hope someone so young doesn't become a real threat - I think that would be a reach. But coming back around to my original point, I thought it was nice how you then brought Harry back to sit down and not only justify himself, but try to understand Andrew and his background and who he is. It shows much more maturity from Harry than we get to see often, but I thought it was nice too because it's one of the first opportunities Harry has had to truly deal with someone who was also on orphan (besides Voldemort, who was obviously bent on killing him).

All in all, this was an intriguing read that I think gives us plenty of background on your conception of the characters to build up future stories centered on them and these characterizations.

Thanks for sharing!

Author's Response: Thank you for following this story, Kevin!

As you noticed, I ended the first story abrubtly, because the idea happened to pop in my mind. I felt it was enough and it was about time to go on the next. If I continue that, Harry in my head canon couldn't kick off the second adventure. If you can keep reading the next, you'll find out.

The origninal character, Andrew, has just jumped in my mind. I thought of his enter in another story. Maybe in the future, I'll have him enter again in my fourth Harry centered story.

My intention in this chapter, I wanted to have Harry take a role as a professional at Hogwarts. After twists and turns, he showed his capability as an Auror among younger students. So the story was completed in the meaning of the plot. But I need to edit them as you sensed.

Thank you for leaving lots of comments, Kevin!

Kenny



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Review #9, by TidalDragon Snitch Catch

30th August 2015:
Before I forget, one minor thing - try to avoid this type of usage "cabin of Hagrid." Unless there is a reason for the speaker to be so formal, most readers would expect this possessive form: "Hagrid's cabin." I know you're trying to improve writing in English, so I figured I'd just offer this little tip.

Now back to the story! Revisiting the events on the Isle of Skye with Hagrid reminded me of something from that chapter - Avada Kedavra (per GOF) is actually unblockable by magic (aside from Prior Incantatem and "love magic" like Lily).

ANYWAY - I liked that you continued on with the interlude from the action here, which gave us a chance to see some new faces along with old as well as some old faces in new situations. What I thought was clever was the way that you used a joint Quidditch practice to address "revenge prejudice" against Slytherins and the dinner with Slughorn being ostensibly to recruit Harry as an opportunity for Ginny to meet Gwenog Jones. Those were neat moves and I found the last one to be particularly clever. I'm hoping we'll see more of the dinner in the final chapter to confirm that or hear something about it that will do so.

The last thing I want to mention was the originality of your animagus transformation. There's nothing really to say (other than basic transfiguration laws) what fuels that process and I thought it was interesting you made it similar to casting a patronus in that positive thoughts can be helpful. I wonder...did you mean for them to be necessary as with a patronus or simply helpful (like a positive frame of mind generally increasing your likelihood of success with most things)? Just wondering since I've never seen anyone actually write about it that way (or honestly write about LEARNING to become an animagus at all).

On to the final installment!

Author's Response: Thank you for informing about the type of usage, I really appreciate. We learn lots of grammar things but it's rare to use them in RL.

Trying to remember the unblockable spell, the idea was produced by the last battle scene of the book 7. I had an impression Harry could succeed to produce the Protego shield charm against the spell hit by the Death Eaters towards his friends.

I wanted to put the scene of Ginny's quidditch career so I tried setting that scene. Since I had Draco come back to Hogwarts, I needed to describe Slytheins, in the consequence, I eventually wrote about the confrontation.

About transformaton, there're lots of transfiguration of the main characters for action dramas for kids on TV, so I naturally thought of the kind of story. Besides J.K.Rowling didn't mention how to get the ability of animagi, so I fussed over the process, which seemed to be unique from the outside, lizzie chose the second fiction of mine as the first place for her story challenge.

Kenny



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Review #10, by TidalDragon A Reason for Living

30th August 2015:
My favorite thing about this chapter was that it showed some vulnerability in Harry. What we haven't had a lot of in the story so far (and this is not a criticism, just an observation), is an opportunity to examine the heavy impact of the war on the major characters. While there have been some scenes dealing with it, by and large, the demands of keeping society afloat and catching the criminals who are still at large has taken precedence in terms of both time and attention. But even in those times, there would have to be moments like in this chapter, where even the strongest characters have doubts.

I also liked (surprise, surprise) that you pulled back the curtain on what's going on with Harry and Ginny. Though I know pairings aren't central to your story at all, I think it's a good thing to explore both for readership (because let's be honest, readers always want to know what's up with the couples) and also authenticity because part of recovering from the war is also discovering where people fit into each other's lives - if the old feelings and relationships still work or not.

I'm interested to see what the last two chapters have in store for us...

Author's Response: Wow, Kevin. You're the best. Thank you for constant insight.

Thinking over how old he was from the first place, I think it's better to mention his vulnerability, which will make the story interesting. In the movie, we seek for a perfect hero but I think we won't feel satisfied with a flawless hero.

About exploring their relationship, it was a bit of challenge. I felt I needed to do that, feeling readers' desire to read the kind of stories and I tried. I'm not sure I could succeed though. So I appreciate your encouragement and feedback.

Kenny


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Review #11, by TidalDragon Undercover

29th August 2015:
I have returned!

Now we're getting into the real intrigue with the various plot points coming together and the scheme being revealed more fully chapter by chapter. It's obvious from reading this piece straight through that you put a lot of time and care into laying out the plot progression and various elements to keep certain things hidden until their proper moment.

Here it worked out well because we were then left wondering scene-to-scene what would happen with Draco and Lucius's loyalties. I'm not surprised by their decision given the state of the wizarding world and their political, self-serving natures, but it was still a challenge perhaps in the moment for them.

You've left us on something of a cliffhanger here though, so I'm going to race on to the next chapter so I can see what happens next.

Author's Response: I felt relived since you've understand my intention here. I tried setting Malfoys as characters who struggle to be accepted by their community.

The reason why I set the place in the land of Druid, I wanted to set this story full of mystery, adventure and action. So if you can catch my intention, I feel happy.

I hope the feeling will continue from now on.
To develop and solve mystery is a challenge for me, so if a few readers can catch my messages, I really appreciate.

Kenny


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Review #12, by TidalDragon Mentor

29th August 2015:
Howdy Kenny!

For a change of pace, this time around I'll kick things off with plot. I like this development around the Mark and the nightmares and a possible revenge plot. I think that's a very realistic likelihood assuming any Death Eaters remained at large following the Battle of Hogwarts. The Lestranges would be a family that would have particular interest as well because their anger is multiplied by Bellatrix's death.

On the other hand, the manner of discovering the content of the nightmares and thus the plot felt, for me, like a reach. Certainly Harry is a powerful wizard. Certainly wandless magic is possible. And certainly he could take something away from having navigated Voldemort's mind after discovering the connection that might help him with legilimency. But per canon, Harry was generally AWFUL at occlumency and as you've set up with the book, the two being quite interconnected, I find it hard to accept he would not just succeed the first time, but so immediately pinpoint precisely what he was looking for in the sea of Malfoy's mind. And wandlessly to boot. If you came back and made it a bit more of a challenge, in addition to boosting realism, I think you could also give yourself and opportunity to show off some of that great description we've seen in earlier chapters by immersing us in the tumultuous experience of trying to get in (and if he does, struggling to focus or find anything specific). Just some food for thought.

See you in Chapter 9!

Author's Response: Thank you again, Kevin for this!

Talking of the plot, I wanted to have Draco enter somewhere. I tried not to be deverted from canon but the result might not be like that. Some of readers may feel that I'm not strict enough towards the son of the ex-Death Eaters. I set the Lestranges as complete villains instead.

About boosting realism, I admit my vision was not described clearly. My hesitation appeared here and there so I might have readers confused a little. I have to think over the concept about occlumency and wandless magic again. The place and the villains have already been set so yeah, the other parts should be fixed ASAP.

Thank you for your insight!

Kenny


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Review #13, by TidalDragon The Potions Master

29th August 2015:
Hello again, Kenny! I intended to return earlier in the week, but was unfortunately delayed.

The main thing I'd say about this chapter from a writing perspective is to proofread when you come back. You nailed a lot of the language earlier in the chapter, but when certain words were revisited typos emerged.

Mechanically, I think a lot of what I've said before applies, though this chapter being a bit longer made it slightly more apparent. You have a talent for slipping in nice nods to facial expressions, body language, etc. that some authors miss, but because of the line-to-line transitions it doesn't stand out as much or make quite the impact on the reader that I think it could.

As far as plot goes, I think you're continuing to cultivate this really interesting atmosphere post-War where there have been so many casualties and wizarding society is still so unstable that they have a desperate need for younger people from around Harry's time at Hogwarts to step up in a lot of places and multi-task, even as students to help paper over gaps and ensure their world keeps on functioning as it needs to. Well done with that.

I'm on to Chapter 8!

Author's Response: Thanks again, Kevin!

To tell the truth, I couldn't send the draft to my beta. It's hard to ask them to be a constant beta. I wish I could have them. I understand RL is hard for all of us.

Thinking over their ages, the world of J.K.Rowling is so surreal but we can't stop spreading our imagination wings. In the magic world, we can do anything which is mostly impossible in RL.

When I wonder why Rowling's stories are so impressive to read, I think of her general idea around the world peace, racial discrimination and mother love towards any children. So I'd like to write the kind of moral point of view in my stories, too.

Kenny


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Review #14, by Pixileanin The First Training Week

29th August 2015:
Ah, there is mystery here. Let's see what we've got. I am immediately suspicious of Romilda and her batting eyelashes. She should get that checked out. It's no good to have dusty eyelashes, very unhealthy and it could damage her eyes long term.

No, but seriously. What is up with her? At first I thought she and Blaise were trying to kidnap Harry for some reason, but then it was only lunch and he brought Ron along, and then the whole bit with Ginny needing to protect Ron... and then Romilda with her eye problem again. Either she has a misplaced crush, or she's got something else sinister going on.

I still don't trust her.

I liked the training sequence, and the clever use of different spells, not just fighting spells, for them to solve their problems. The animagus thing came up again, which I am curious about. In your story, do all the Aurors learn how to be animagi? That would be a cool twist.

Your mystery deepens, and the characters progress.

Pix

Author's Response: Ha ha ha, "damage her eyes long term" funny.
If you were me, how would you describe Romilda, Pix? I'm eager to see how you'll work on her.

"Blaize will kidnap Harry" story sounds interesting. If I have time to write, it'll be more interesting. If I do that, it'll be categorized as AU, which sounds interesting in another meaning.

As the other reviewer pointed out, there are a few authors who tried writing animagus things. There are also so many magical theories to explore in the world of J.K.Rowling. That's why we FF authors can't stop writing, right?

Kenny


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Review #15, by Pixileanin Auror Headquarters

28th August 2015:
Kenny!


Team Gold!

Onwards.

Haha, the snitch alarm clock sounds really awesome, and Iím tickled that itís a present from George. You have thought out a lot of small details in this story that just make it come alive. I like the image of Harry surrounding himself with things that are gifts from his friends, like a protection against the outside world. It makes him secure. Nice.

Ah, interesting bit about Aberforth. I like that inclusion. Iím glad that Harry will see someone familiar that can hopefully guide himÖ or did you have something else in mindÖ no no, donít tell me. I like to be surprised.

Wow, okay. Now that Iíve heard Lavendarís voice in the lift several times, Iím thinking it might not really be her. I mean, is she in the lift with them, or is it just her voice? Because itís kinda creepy with her voice being there without her, announcing all the floors.

So Harryís an Auror now. Excitement. Intrigue. Lunch.

Back later!

Pix

Author's Response: Hi, Pix. Thank you for stopping by!

I like Quidditch thing as well as the Aurors so I wanted to descibe some related to the sports in the story.

I could create a new mentor here but the impression of Aberforth in the last book and the movie was strong, so I tried writing him.

Some authors might have Lavender die but I like her so I tried having her take a role in the Ministry. I think she deserves something important for her fight against the Death Eaters and their followers.

The plot is needed to be developed. I admire your work at your bunny story.

Kenny


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Review #16, by TidalDragon Back to Hogwarts

26th August 2015:
Huzzah! I got some of my Harry/Ginny fix in this chapter which is always a good thing. I enjoyed their in-person reunion after some time away. A little awkwardness, but a lot of attraction and emotion. I will say in terms of characterization that I thought Ginny came off a bit more damsel-ish with blushing over Harry's shirtless body and letting him have influence over the tryouts, but that's something that if it's balanced out later could be attributed back to a lot of things. Just food for thought.

As far as the rest goes, I think you're doing a good job planting more of the seeds for change and what you want this story to become. With six chapters left I'm going to be interested to watch and see how those nuggets will be resolved or IF they will be in this story, or in future ones (since I know almost all your stories connect in some way and this is - I believe - merely the first chronologically).

I have to go to sleep for now, but I'll be back to hopefully review the other half tomorrow and a couple more of your stories to boot.

Thanks for sharing this with us, Kenny!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for sparing time for this, Kevin.

I thought I have to mention about their relationship sooner or later. Since I've read this type of this scenes here and there, I jumped in writing this. So I really appreciate your feedback.

I tried scattering lots of seeds and I struggled to end these series, so if you keep following these, I'll feel very thankful.

I hope your RL will go well, too. Thank you again, Kevin.

Kenny


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Review #17, by TidalDragon The First Training Week

26th August 2015:
Well, well. You tricked and then un-tricked us with that Romilda Vane bit. I thought I had her pegged before she introduced Blaise to the lunch, but in the end she was right back to her old games of trying to flirt with and "win" Harry. I'm glad nothing came of it in the end. I think that much would've been too easy and too soon. As a more minor point, if she's going to be doing plenty of flirting, I'd also consider varying what she does. Batting her eyelashes is certainly fitting, and even obvious, which suits her character even more perhaps. But at the same time, it can't be her only move, so I'd think up some others.

One thing I was confused about in the early assignment (which demonstrated Harry's dedication nicely - I don't remember him ever getting so caught up in a book since Snape's old potions text) was that I had thought at first they were ordered to make the catch WITHOUT wands, but everything they did proceeded with them. Perhaps I read it wrong, and if so, disregard, but otherwise I'd tweak that early phrase so it matches up with what happens.

On to Chapter 6 for me!

Author's Response: Ha ha ha..yeah the idea might be more interesting..but the most of this story were told for my son, so the description of the secne was limited, but I could go the other way as you felt.

The concept of wandless thing is still complicated for me but I think doing without wands thing isn't so easy. Dumbledore could do that but I don't think younger wizards and witches could do so easily. I've read so powerful Harry in the other site, but I felt it surreal. I think or I may prefer the long and winding road to accomplish the skill.
In my story, they'll learn about the skill later, here they learn about team work.

Thank you again for following this, Kevin!

Kenny


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Review #18, by TidalDragon Auror Headquarters

26th August 2015:
While this chapter was a bit a slower and more transparent, I felt that it served its purposes well: (1) getting us to the next stage of development and (2) setting up some interesting new elements that readers wouldn't have expected going forward - like Romilda Vane, Blaise Zabini, and some other minor characters being among the first class of Auror trainees.

One thing I liked about their introduction as well was the way you used it as an opportunity to remind people who may have questioned some of the other choices initially of exactly what they've been through - also a reminder to us as FF writers that we too often forget the specific losses and sacrifices of others when we write in this era.

Now that you've injected this elements, I'll be intrigued to see how you use them and what purpose they ultimately serve to the story.

Author's Response: Hallo, again.

What I tried here was to set a small twists and turns, not so big but I wanted to set something strained aspect.

I guess so many people were lost during the battles of Dark Lord's era, I tried setting the memory in this chapter.

Yeah, as you sensed, these chapters were just the beginning to start their mission. If I'm forced to write about this kind of story now, I can't. That time I was just eager to go on this story.

Kenny


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Review #19, by TidalDragon Eighteenth Birthday and Independence

26th August 2015:
The story is definitely growing now, and I like how you're letting it take a fairly natural progression, not having "too much" happen too soon (at least not in the focal part of the story).

My favorite part of this chapter was the way that you expanded on your use in the previous one of the weather or nature as an indicator of mood or for foreshadowing.

I also give you credit for sticking to Head Girl Hermione and Quidditch Captain Ginny. A lot of people give authors a lot of stick for giving them those two roles post-War, but I think it really ignores the reality that they're easily the best choices for the roles. It's one of the things I think people often ignore about CERTAIN cliches - they CAN be used so frequently because they ARE plausible. It's just up to the author to carry them off effectively. Given your creativity thus far in this story, I don't think you'll find that an insurmountable challenge and I'm looking forward to see how both develop in their roles.

Author's Response: Hallo, Kevin! I'm amazed by you again. How could you keep reviewing in your busy RL?

I guess my words were not enough to express my thoughts but I'm glad to know you could seize my intention here. If I could handle English like my language, I would have used the more proper words at each scene.

Talking of Hermione and Ginny, I should've written about them more. If I have time to spare, I'll be back this chapter and the next chapter to edit to describe about them. Thanks!

Kenny


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Review #20, by TidalDragon Reconstruction and Funeral

26th August 2015:
Hello again!

So, to piggyback off my last, I think it was really telling that my favorite parts of your chapter here were those that were more introspective or descriptive. The large paragraph where Harry feeds Buckbeak was the first example, but the best one to me was actually simpler, shorter, and more subtle. This line: "Harry stood there and looked up at the sky. A breeze began to blow over the hill." In that moment, that single line said more than any dialogue was ever capable of - keep that in mind.

I want to underscore however that this doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your dialogue. Though tags and structure are areas to think about, the points you have the characters express are good ones and the interactions you choose are wise and not "easy" ones. Lord knows you tackled Hagrid, who I'm still afraid of writing.

What I liked most about this chapter though was the constant contrast you developed between creation and death, burial and rebirth. It was a great theme to carry through at this point in the story.

On to Chapter 3 for me!

Author's Response: Hallo again, Kevin. Thank you so much for following this.

The sentences you chose might be the first ones that I could imagine vividly in my mind, they are introspective ones as you pointed out. I think I could understand what you meant here. I could develop the scene more deeply.

I'm happy to know you grabbed the concept which expressed rather Asian transitory and everlasting lives of human-beings.

Kenny



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Review #21, by TidalDragon Life Still Goes On

26th August 2015:
Howdy Kenny! I'm here for both GryCReMo and to pay you the reviews I owe you from the House Cup!

I want to start by saying I like the premise of this story and the tweaks you've made, like Harry actually starting his Auror training at Hogwarts. While it's a deviation from canon, I think it present a lot of opportunities to explore some emotions and character dynamics in a different way. Kudos for taking it on, while still meshing with the concept of Harry training as an Auror that year.

As far as mechanics go, there are two things I'd examine if you're looking for ways to improve the chapter. First, I'd be careful with the balance of dialogue and other components (like description and inner thought). While it's not a universal thing, I've found that the most engrossing stories tend to have a balance (on the whole) of around 60-40 dialogue-others. Though that number can change from chapter-to-chapter or depending on how many characters are involved with the story itself, I think it's a pretty solid general rule to make sure you get plot progress, reader involvement, and depth.
Second, I'd look at sentence structure (particularly with dialogue) to make sure you're not always hitting similar lengths, tags, order, etc.

All in all though I'm interested to see how this story develops and what unique changes your tweaks wreak on our heroes.

Author's Response: Hallo, Kevin. I appreciate you tried reviewing so hard.

I should've checked Pottermore carefully but I didn't, so some of readers may feel like this story as a deviation from canon as you pointed it out. I focused on his training for my son who liked to listen to the kind of story.

Your knowledge around the balance of dialogue-others is new to me. I've never known that. I have to keep it in my mind.

About sentence structure, I think I can contact with my beta so I'll edit them little by little.

Kenny


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Review #22, by Pixileanin Eighteenth Birthday and Independence

26th August 2015:
Hi Kenny. Onwards with the story!

So there are so many little details peppered throughout this chapter. The whole thing felt like setup for what is to come. It's like everyone's getting ready for things to start up and there are so many things to get done. I felt all the preparations and the business, and through all of it I could also feel the family tenderness that is the Weasleys. You didn't have to spend words on how they felt for each other, because their actions did it for you. I particularly was interested in the mirrors, which we see in the books, but you made them unique, being aboriginal mirrors, so that was cool. Also, the names of the Auror books were fascinating. Having someone go to Gringotts for Harry was very thoughtful. I bet only a Weasley would be able to convince the goblins that they were allowed to take Harry's gold for him.

I really liked the descriptions in the Joke Shop and how George was branching out into potions brewing. I agree. He'd better get a Potions Master in there if he's going to be mucking about with that stuff. I liked how you alluded to Snape and Slughorn. I always wondered what happened to Slughorn after the war.

It's interesting that Harry was so fixated on having someone live with him. I understand that he'd want someone around. Andromeda and Teddy were an interesting choice for that. I remember you had written a while ago how Harry had promised Teddy that he would be around for him. I guess that had something to do with it. IT would feel like a family and ground Harry if they were around the house with him. It also eases Molly's mind, knowing that another older adult had eyes on young man Harry during his fresh adulthood. I can tell that he takes this godfather thing seriously and that family is important to him, also that he doesn't want to be a burden to the Weasleys, even though they'd never call him a burden ever.

Alright, so he's all set to go to Auror training. I feel the pull to the next chapter, but I'm going to have to come back when I have more time.

Pix

Author's Response: Hi,Pix. I'm so sorry for late response.
After I finish my blog about the result of my story challenge, I'll be back to your bunny story, I miss your Albus and Wren.

Australia always reminds me of aborigini. I guess it likely happens they're magical. So I inserted it into my story.

As you found out, I like to have members of Weasley take an important role.

The idea around Slughorn, the impression of the scene where he obtained Aragog's venom was strong so I thought of the plot. I also like Snape as a mentor for Harry.

I'm glad you seem to like the idea that Harry lives with Andromeda and Teddy. My image about Andromeda and Teddy is on the way to develop. I'll write about them in my other stories.

Thank you again for stopping by my story so many chapters.

Kenny



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Review #23, by Pixileanin Reconstruction and Funeral

23rd August 2015:
Hi Kenny,

Red Vs Gold Review Battle!!

I thought I'd take a look at this story, which has a lot of chapters to it. You've got a nice start to this reconstruction story. I think you took great care to cover a lot of recovery, not missing anything important from the end of the battle. I like how Harry, Ron and Hermione have a physical reminder of the final battle to share. That seems like a good connection between the three of them.

Ginny and Harry's reconciliation went very smoothly, but it still packed an emotional punch. I have read how some authors like to draw that out and make it a complicated thing, but I can tell that wasn't your intention here, there's a different story to tell. Good job making it both meaningful and short. That's hard to do.

I also thought your take on the funerals was really great. You definitely hit on all the important deceased, including Snape. I liked how you had Ron question his inclusion at the funeral, and how Harry was thinking he'd have to explain things again to everyone. That will be a sore subject that not everyone will accept right away.

I loved how you gave Harry a bit of time with Remus and Tonks, and how he took his time to see baby Teddy. That was a nice touch.

I am enjoying your dialogue here. It sounds so natural, even the accents of Hagrid, and everyone seems to have their own voice. You've captured that really well from the books. I have trouble juggling a large cast of characters when I write, and I try very hard to give them their own voices. You did that here, and it read very well.

I'm intrigued to find out how the reconciliation with Hermione's parents went. A lot of people make that the emphasis of their post-war stories as well, but it seems you have some other grand plot in mind, since you're moving quickly through that too. You mentioned Bill and his curse-breaking a few times, so I really hope he's going to play more in this story. I've always had a lot of curiosity about him and his line of work.

So much to do with the castle rebuilding and mourning, and I can't wait to see how the Auror training goes!

Nice chapters!

Pix

Author's Response: Hi,Pix! Thank you for coming back here again. This story is my first fic ever, so I really appreciate it.

Yeah, I think I understand what you try to say. I've read their complicated things here and there. They are interesting to read but I wanted to write the other way.

Talking of the funerals, the vision popped in my mind after I've experienced the similar situation more than once in RL.
As you write in your "Rabbit Heart", human beings are not immortal. Everybody has to face it.

About baby Teddy, lots of authors wrote him so I had no confidence, so thank you for your kind words.

I love Hagrid, so if you can catch his words, I'm happy.

You spotted the right point, I hurried to the trainning, the reason why I started writing in English, was I wanted to tell Auror's Tale to my son. Your instinct is right. Bill will play an important role in my second story.

Kenny


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Review #24, by CambAngst Reconstruction and Funeral

22nd August 2015:
Hi, Kenny! Moving along with my quest.

GryCReMo (Review #24)

You're doing a good job with picking up the stories of some characters that others rarely think about when they set a story in this period of time. I had to check and remind myself that Buckbeak was explicitly written into the Battle of Hogwarts. He seems none the worse for wear here and I love the image of Harry flying over the castle grounds on his back the way that they flew during PoA.

The funeral scene was very moving. All of the individual tributes to Fred and the sadness and tears of the mourners came through strongly in your writing.

Harry's laments for Tonks and Lupin and the obvious gratitude he feels were touching. I hope we get to see him spending a lot of time with little Teddy as the story progresses.

So many funerals, so much sadness! You handled it all with a quiet sort of dignity and resolve that I think was appropriate for people who've suffered so much loss but understand the greater purpose in the sacrifices made.

I like the idea of Harry, Ron, Ginny and the others helping to repair the castle. And I'm glad that Hermione found her parents right away. All in all, a very satisfying resolution to the various plot threads.

It seems like the plot should really kick into gear once Harry and Ron start their training. I'm looking forward to it.

Good job!

-Dan

Author's Response: Hi, Dan. Thank you for choosing this for GRYReMo.

I'm glad you noticed Buckbeak, not many people realise Buckbeak fought together at the Battle of Hogwarts. My favorite HP movie scene was flying Buckbeak and Harry so I'd like to write about them again.

About the funeral scene, the episode was based on my experience in RL, so yeah, many reviewers said so.

Talking of the latter scene, I wanted make it brighter, for the first half is so heavy. So I added their conversation around Reconstruction and Harmione's trip to Australia to retrieve her parents back.

The reason why I started writing here was just because I wanted to tell Auror's story to my son. So if you keep reading, I really appreciate it.

Kenny


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Review #25, by Owlpost68 Reconstruction and Funeral

21st August 2015:
Hi again!
I found this chapter really interesting. I never thought of them carrying the coffin or burning or anything. I've recently been watching a show that has witches and burning... this is obviously completely different, but it was a great connection with some pagen history and the hp universe.

You also really portrayed Mr. and Mrs. Weasley's grief very well. It was so heartbreaking. I liked that Ginny put down the flowers around the grave, including heather flowers! :)

I did think the beginning of the chapter was a little awkward, why was he helping Hagrid with Buckbeak? And I would have thought Harry would know about plans to go back to the burrow more immediately than Bill needing to tell him.
Don't get me wrong, I thought it was great Harry got some time with Buckbeak (He had been renamed Witherwings) and it was interesting to hear how Bill helped sealing Dumbledore's tomb and the protective spells around the castle, I just thought if you gave a little more detail it would be a better scene. I did love the scenery description though!

Go team Red!
Heather

Author's Response: Hi, Heather. Thank you again for Reading and Review.

This chapter was based on my RL experience, so it maybe too hard for young readers to keep reading through, but I wanted to express each life is "one and only".

The ceremony may be not the one in England but I hope you could understand the theme I wanted to say.

Okay, talking of Buckbeak, they fought with Harry at the battle of Hogwarts in the book 7. The impression of Harry on the wings of Buckbeak at the movie 3 was so strong, that I put the scene of them here, too. I may like the scene where Harry in the sky like on the back of Buckbeak or the broomstick or ...(spoiler..you'll be able to find others in the next story, "Harry Potter and a Daughter of Druid". Bill will also enter there more often. )

Kenny



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