48 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TreacleTart Auror Headquarters

11th July 2015:
Hello again Kenny!

Here for the House Cup 2015- Gryffindor!

So it's the first day of Auror training. I loved seeing Harry getting ready in the morning and his interactions with Andromeda. It was sweet to see her combing Harry's hair. That is something that a mother would do. And it was nice to see that George created a potion that would finally tame Harry's hair.

I was interested to see who was in Auror training. I must admit that I was happy that Dean and Seamus were there. They're two of my favorite characters. Blaise Zabini was quite a surprise, but it makes sense if his mother was a spy for the Auror department. I'd have never thought of that, but I actually think it works really well.

I'm curious to see how everyone does throughout the Auror training and how Ron and Harry handle being celebrities.

I know you're in the process of having your chapters beta'd so I won't go into too much detail about grammar, spelling, or word choice. While I understood what was going on in this chapter, there were definitely some areas that I'm sure will be polished up once your beta gets to it.

Good job!


Author's Response: Hi, Kaitlin.

Thank you for leaving review on this, again.
From the outside , it seems absurd to keep writing FF, sometimes I ask to myself why I write these. If I didn't know this site, I might have quit earlier. Recently I noticed having friends who have the same destination, it's strength to keep writing.

Back to this story, writing the interaction between Harry and Andromeda popped naturally in my mind. If Lily was alive, she would do that like Andromeda. I wanted Harry to live peacfully after the battle.

Talking of Zabini, J.K.Rowling didn't make it clear that he had been supported Voldemort's inner circle or not, so I wanted to set him as the same level as Snape.

I think it's hard for Harry to continue his life being celebrity, but for Ron he will enjoy it.


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Review #2, by TreacleTart Eighteenth Birthday and Independence

11th July 2015:
Hey Kenny!

I'm here for the House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor!

I really enjoyed getting to see how everyone starts out after the war. Harry and Ron are headed off to Auror training and also branching out into their own lives. Hermione and Ginny are headed back to Hogwarts to finish things up. Molly is sad that everyone is leaving. It works perfectly.

I really liked seeing Harry wanting his own space. The Burrow is a very loving, happy place, but I could imagine it being a bit claustrophobic with everyone there. It makes sense that Harry might decide to go live at Grimmuald Place, although I wonder if he'd be able to after everything that happened during the war. It doesn't seem like a very happy place after all.

It was great to see you include so many different characters and little details. The idea that Hagrid brought Harry a new owl was really sweet and then when Harry named him Sirius, I thought I might shed a tear. Great job.

The only bit of criticism that I have is that there are still some grammatical issues in this. There are places where you are missing "the" or "a". I know you've already had this beta'd once and I can definitely tell because the writing is smoother, but you may want to have it looked over once more because there are still a few places where it could be improved a bit.

All in all, I really enjoyed this chapter. Good work!


Author's Response: Thanks, Kaitlin. This is a dusty old story, but it's my first HPFF novel, so I have special feeling for this.

Thanks to kind betas of the forums,( including you), I think I'm lucky to have a chance to edit these chapters.

It was easier for me to imagine Harry's training after the book 7.

Sirius left Grimmauld Place to him, so it's natural for me to set the place for Harry to live after the battle of Hogwarts. The theme of these series is his feeling for Sirius, seeking father's love.


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Review #3, by Rhiannon Life Still Goes On

24th May 2015:
Hello hello!

I've read a bit of Daughter of Druid, and I've had The Broomstick makers on my list for a while, but I've never come to find the beginning before! The fact that you've written three novels in a series is so impressive to me. And the fact that they can stand alone just as well as together is wonderful as well! It's nice to be able to pick up in the middle of a series without being terribly confused.

I love the way you started this! Death Hallows definitely fades out and skims over the immediate aftermath of the war, and I think that was necessary in that book. It gave us a little time to breathe and process it all. But all of this stuff had to have happened, and now that some time has passed since Deathly Hallows, I think immediately after the war is a fantastic place to start a new story!

I love all the details you've covered here! You have incorporated just about everything Jo told us about immediately after the war and changed it from fragments of information into a solid course of action. It's so nice to read!

I'm very interested to see where the rest of this story goes! Obviously we know that Harry and Ron become Aurors, and I know they end of guarding Malfoy, but I'm excited to learn how they get to that point, and what plays out as the rivals are forced to spend time together! It's almost like those cartoons where two people who can't get along are forcibly stuck together so they can learn to be nice. One of my favorite kind of stories, I must say.

This was a wonderful beginning to the story, and I'm very excited to read more!


P.S. Stevie Nicks is a goddess.

Author's Response: Thank you Rhiannon for choosing to read my old dusty story which is on the way beta reading. Thanks to the forums, I could get wonderful Gryffies beta readers and a wise Ravenclaw beta reader. I really appreciate for that.
I understand how hard to keep reading a long novel. I had the experience when I decided to read 'A Girl From Slytherin'. I know it was a very intriguing and good story to keep reading but RL often prevented me from reading. So I can guess how hard you managed to take time to spare for this.

Thank you very much. Please say hello to Stevie! I love her voice and ' Edge of Seventeen'.

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Review #4, by randomwriter Life Still Goes On

18th May 2015:
Kenny! Hi :) I'm here for the Red vs Gold review battle. I should have been here a while ago, but it slipped my mind. I'm so sorry!

I was excited to start reading this because you love Auror centric fics so much that I was certain that your passion for this... genre (shall we call it?) would come through clearly. I was not mistaken. You jumped right in there.

One thing I really enjoyed was that you picked this right up from where Deathly Hallows ended. I think you're very brave to choose to do this because it's difficult. You need to have the same characterisation, the same emotional understanding as JK Rowling did when she wrote them because there's absolutely no change who they are or what they're feeling from her ending of the battle to the beginning of your story.

About the Harry/Ginny pairing, I've said this before, and I'll say it again. You're very good with writing them together. Their gentle love and passion comes through very clearly without you having to drill it in. when you're writing them, your characterisation is quite excellent as it truly represents who they are, really.

I liked that you included Kreacher in the beginning because it shows that he still remembers him even immediately after the war ends. I think Hermione'd be proud ;) It also ties up with canon nicely since he does wonder if Kreacher can bring him a sandwich in the books too. What I would add here, is a line where Harry asks Kreacher how he's doing. He did lead the house-elves against the Death Eaters in the battle, and you can show Harry's concern by asking that question.

I love that you got stuck right into the part where they become Aurors, however, I do feel it was a bit rush. I'd give it at least three weeks to a month before Harry takes such a big decision. I think the primary thought on every body's mind immediately after the battle would be rounding up the Death Eaters, rebuilding the school and stabilising the psychological health of the people who were affected, if possible. I do get the urgency of rounding up the Death Eaters though. So maybe you could have written Kingsley asking the trip if they'd be willing to help with that. After that's done, maybe Kingsley could ask him to join them full time?

Also, I think that the teachers and Dumbledore would have a better idea of what to do with the wand than Harry. I like the idea of him returning it to the tomb, but I don't think he'd tell them what exactly to do.

There's this nitpicky thing too. I felt that Harry and Ginny would have conversed and kissed somewhere more private than the Great Hall. That's entirely you call though.

Finally, I'd love a little more description. How did the sandwiches taste? How did Harry feel at every stage of this? How were the surrounding? How bad was the damage? How are others dealing with the aftermath of the war? Just somethings to enhance the picture you're giving me.

All that being said, I do love that you started off so soon after the war, and I love that the action is taking off. It draws me to your story and makes me want to read more of it. There were also a few (very few) grammatical errors. Maybe getting a beta would help? But I definitely see an improvement in your writing :)

An intriguing start for sure, Kenny, I'm sorry I can't really say more because I've been insanely busy, and even though I've been meaning to add to this review (I've had it saved for a few days), I just haven't found the time, and I don't think I should make you wait any longer. I hope that's okay! All in all, this chapter serves well as an introduction. It makes me want to read more. Great job ♥

Author's Response: Hi, Adi.
Thank you for leaving reivew on this. I understand you're extremely busy. But your review is always awesome. I wish I could write the lovely long review like you did.

This story is very old, and I need to rewrite with help from my beta. They did good for me. It'll take much more time to fix them all but I'd like to carry on.

Talking of psychological health and Harry's decision you're pointing out, I was too eager to jump into the Auror things. But I don't forget how strong Harry suffered the sorrow for the dearest people who died. I tried writing about the feeling later on the other chapters, so if you have time to spare, please stop by again.

Hmm, the sandwiches taste, I should've written about it.

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Review #5, by TreacleTart Reconstruction and Funeral

6th May 2015:
Hi Kenny,

I'm here for the Gryffindor Review Battle Round 2! Go Team Red!

I read the first chapter of this during CTF, so I thought it was about time for me to get back here and read some more. I have to say that the quality of your writing has really improved with Kayla's help. I think the two of you make an excellent team!

The scene in the beginning where they are repairing Hogwarts really shows the scope of things. Everything is so badly damaged and everyone so hurt by the losses. I really liked that Harry got a chance to fly on Buckbeak's back. That was a nice little moment in all of the misery.

The scene with the massive funeral was so heartbreaking. I can only imagine the pain that everyone was feeling and going through. Mr. Weasley falling to his knees really got to me. It's a good thing they are such a large family and can support each other in these hard times.

I was so happy to hear that Hermione found her parents and was able to reverse the curse. After everything she's been through, she deserves to have her family back. It was a very hopeful ending to the story.

I did notice a few typos that seem to have been overlooked. If you get a chance you may want to go through and edit some of them.

So you were helping professors with holding the protective charms - the professors

Portkey back to the Burrow. drawing room of the Burrow, - Portkey back to the Burrow. In the drawing room of the Burrow,

"Why is he, well, his body, here?" Ron inquired irritably. – “Why are they calling his name? Is his body here?”

He was the same wizard who had attended at Dumbledor's - Dumbledore’s

Ron grinned. "Wait. Don't be too hasty. I'll answer your all questions." – I’ll answer all of your questions.”

Wow, she moved through to Australia using four Portkeys and a Muggle transportation," Ginny said. – using four portkeys and Muggle transportation

I do hope I can come back soon and join in helping professors. – helping the professors

Hestia and Dedalus are kind to me. – have been kind to me

Otherwise, this chapter is really good Kenny! I really like where you're going with this and everything seemed very clear and organized. Good work!


Author's Response: Kaitlin, I really appreciate that you left review on my old classic story. You and Kayla are powerful guys, you especially think of amazing unique ideas for the forums, which gives us power to keep writing.

Speaking of Arthur Weasley, I wanted to describe about him so I thought of that way. Many readers left comments about the scene, they told they shed tears on that scene. The story was based on my experience, so I could write them.

And you suggestion and grammar advice is really helpful. Thank you again for doing my beta for my second novel. I'm really lucky to have you as my fellow Gryffie.


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Review #6, by Lady Asphodel Life Still Goes On

3rd May 2015:
Hey Kenny!

I'm here for the (May 2015) Gryffindor Red Vs Gold Review Battle.

So... I feel that this chapter was rushed. I felt that Harr should have take the time to reflect more on the battle. His loss or the loss of others. You did... but only slightly. And I think this needs beta-ing. As I read your other story that was beta-ed was more of an enjoyable read. The pacing, the sentence structuring and grammar was better.

Other than that, I find it quite interesting the idea of the heart shaped scars on the trio's neck. I'm curious as to what the meaning behind it.

I look forward to seeing how they trio will engage into their future that they have to build. Harry's going to be an Auror, but what about Ron? And Hermione? I'll have to see when I read on now will I? ;)

Anyways! This was a nice read! And please keep on writing! It's great seeing you on the forums working hard to improve it!

- Asphodel

Author's Response: Hi, Alishya! Thank you for stopping by.
This story is very classic, but you finished reading this, I really appreciate that you left review.

The reason why I made a short cut is I set the loss of othes in the next chapter and his loss will shadow his life for long time in my story. If you have time to spare, please read the next chapter.

Kenny :)

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Review #7, by CassiePotter Life Still Goes On

2nd May 2015:
Hello! I'm here for our review swap!
I really enjoyed this! I thought it was a nice opening chapter that set up where your story is going to go from here. I'm really impressed that you write Harry so well! I've never attempted to write him in a Hogwarts-era story, because I'm afraid I'll mess him up! McGonagall was spot on, as well. I loved Harry and Ginny's conversation, and I'm glad that things are good between them now.
Good job with this chapter! Thanks for the swap!
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hi, Cassie! Thank you for taking review swap.
Not a few authors say it's difficult to write about Harry as a main character, which surprised me. For I know there are lots of good authors, I think they can, including you, of course, Cassie. I'm doing this 'cause Harry in my mind to be continued after the book 7 and the DH movie.

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Review #8, by Cannons Life Still Goes On

1st May 2015:
Hey, reviewing for Team Gold!

I thought this was a solid first chapter and an enjoyable read. I'm intrigued to see what the heart shaped scars are all about, I have a sneaky suspicious they could turn out to be rather important?

The only thing I will say is that things seem to be moving too quickly, I imagine there would be more angst and sadness and loss immediately after so I thought it was a little unrealistic in that aspect. I don't know how you have tackled that though in the future chapters so I'm excited to see how you tackle that aspect of things.

I haven't seen Harry and Ron being offered a auror trainee job at Hogwarts while still being able to study but it's such a neat idea that I wish I had thought of it! (If I have interoperated that correctly!) All in all a good first chapter that sets the story up nicely.


Author's Response: Oh, Fin, you got right to the point! I set something later.
Talking of angst and sadness part, I set them later bit by bit. If you read next chapter, I'm sure you'll shed tears, 'cause other Gryffies said so during Kevin's CTF game.

Thank you for doing this for review battle! I'm eager to review on your story again!

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Review #9, by Shadowkat Life Still Goes On

26th April 2015:
Overall, this sounds like a great start. There are a few things I noticed, however. Some places the writing seemed a bit bland, and it could help if you change up the sentence structure a bit and using more active and specific words in places. I'll give you an example from the beginning by rearranging and tweaking it a bit to show the difference it can make. :)

Harry got back to Gryffindor Tower. The boy’s dormitory was not damaged in spite of the terrible battle. His four-poster was still waiting for him. He was too exhausted to stand up any longer so he lay down on the mattress; but his stomach began churning so he sat up on the mattress and called Kreacher to bring him a sandwich.

Kreacher apparated with his usual loud crack and he bowed low and croaked,
"Master, Harry." in his bull frog's voice,"What can I do for you?"

When Harry arrived back in Gryffindor tower, it was almost shocking how normal it seemed. Despite the battle, his four-poster bed still waited for him, and the boy's dormitory was, regardless of the usual messiness, in perfect condition. His legs felt weak, and Harry lowered himself into his mattress, calling Kreacher in hopes of getting a sandwich.

With his usual loud crack, Kreacher apparated into the room, bowing low so that his oversized ears skimmed the floor.

"Master Harry, what might Kreacher do for you?"

See the difference? It's much less of a passive voice. It's a common and easy problem to fall into, but it's also fairly easy to go back and fix, as well. I hope this helps a little. Love the chapter all the same! :D

Author's Response: Wow,you're trying to raise me up to a very higher level of writing. Thank you so much!
I'll figure it out ASAP.

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Review #10, by krazyboutharryginny Life Still Goes On

25th April 2015:
Hiya Kenny! I'm here from the Review The Person Above You thread in the CR!
I've already read this chapter, of course, since I beta'd it. However, I wanted to read it again for fun. When beta reading, it's hard to focus on the overall story because you're fixing the small details.
This is a really enjoyable first chapter. You've got a lot going on here, but it doesn't feel awkward or rushed. It makes sense to me that things would be very busy but also very emotional the day after the Battle, so the fact that there are many emotional scenes in amongst more practical scenes really worked for me.
I LOVE Harry and Ginny's interactions. My favourite part of their talk was Ginny's "There was always the silver lining" line. What a great and touching way to connect this to the books!
I think you've characterized McGonagall really well here. The fact that despite her exhaustion she still spoke in a crisp voice was a great detail to include.
The idea of having Bill help seal Dumbledore's tomb is such a cool one! It's not something I would have thought of myself, but it totally makes sense.
Awesome job on this first chapter, Kenny! You've really laid out the groundwork for this novel here and made me interested to see where the stories goes. I can't wait to beta the next chapter!

Author's Response: Wow, Captain herself left review! What a surprise! I'm really lucky that I got you as a beta. You're really awesome! At the same time I can't stop admiring my fellow gryffies. All you guys are brilliant.

The plot of this story, as I said in the forums, I simply wanted to read good Auror stories after the book of 7 by J.K.Rowling. I think she set Cormoran Strike Crime Novel for us, but my hunger for the sequel after the book 7 is still exists. Perhaps I imagined that there should be Auror story strongly when I read the book 5 that indicated Harry might be an Auror in the future.

Yeah, I'll do PM you about our next chapter!

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Review #11, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Auror Headquarters

18th April 2015:

“Pathetic,” Harry shook his head.

I don't know why but this line got a good chuckle out of me.

So what I really liked about this chapter was the length and the time spent on description. This is what I was looking for with the other chapters. You kept a great space, added more detail and characters too to boot! I was actually happy and surprised that George's liquid worked on Harry's hair. I just really like the idea of it.

I thought you did a great job when they got to the Ministry for their first day. I liked that you added Lav in as a character and gave us an update on her. That you had all of these familiar characters and you switched it up by having Blaise there. I wonder what his mother did exactly that puts him in a good position there. Nice job! I'm not going to point out any grammatical errors by the way. I know you have a beta and the first chapter is done, looks great and this chapter didn't have as many as the others. I think if you take your time (and I think that's what you did here) you get the sentence structure and grammar right and it makes it easy to read. Really great job!

Author's Response: Thank you agian, Deeds!

I can't stop admiring Kevin who thought of this game. With his idea, I could get many constructive reviews like you!

As you pointed, I may be a slow starter to the story. The first chapters might look rather awkward start. I need to add more information to my story.

Talking of Lavender, I worte about her a bit more later in the other story.

One of attractive things to write HPFF, I think, the authors can write their original magical joke goods, potions, spells and dark artifact thanks to J.K.Rowling!

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Review #12, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing Eighteenth Birthday and Independence

17th April 2015:
Hi Kenny!

I'm here for CTF round 8! Jailbreaking deeds.

I think this is a really interesting take on life after the war which can't have been easy for anyone. It was nice to see so many characters and find out snippets of what they're doing!

One thing I think you've done well here is characterisation and they way your characters speak. Hagrid in particular who's accent is so hard was really well done! I also thought your take on Ron was great.

I thought it was sweet Hagrid brought harry a new owl because Hedwig had died *cries* I think George seemed to be doing incredibly well considering Fred had only recently died. While it would be lovely if this was the case, personally I always think he'd struggle a lot more in the beginning. He not only lost a brother but his twin. Just my opinion anyway.

I thought it was very different that andromeda and teddy are coming to live with harry. I very much expected Ron to, but i guess having andromeda and teddy will be like having a real family at home for harry so that will be nice for him.

You have a few spelling and grammar mistakes but considering english isn't your first language, you've done an amazing job of editing this. I can see a few people have previously pointed out the errors for you to fix though so I won't repeat what they've already told you.

All in all, a great job!

Author's Response: Hi, Lauren.

I'm so excited to have review from Prefect. :)

Talking of Twins, I admit I'm no good at writing about them. I've read lots of stories the other authors worte about George's lament the death of Fred, so inside me, the story was completed by other authors, so I didn't feel it was necessary to write more here. But with your opinion, I may reconsider this before sending draft to my beta reader.

As you says, there're other options to write where Harry will live during his Auror training before his marriage: the Burrow, Muggle flat..etc. But you know, I chose the Grimmauld Place with Andromeda and Teddy. For Teddy, it seemed natural for them, and Harry inherited Sirius's property.

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Review #13, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Eighteenth Birthday and Independence

17th April 2015:

She was shifting the flour,

Should be: sifting

Can I help making breakfast

Should be: make

Above all, are you ready for joining in Auror training

Should be: Above all, are you ready for Auror training

Harry guessed she might be worrying the cost

Should be: Harry guessed she might be worrying about the cost

"A magical smoothing liquid for bed hair, here," Ron held out the slim bottle.

Haha! That’s a funny line. I wish I would have thought about something like this. You’ve given me a little plunny. :D

It has just delivered in the box yesterday.

Should be: It was just delivered in the mail yesterday

I really like your version of Ron. He’s serious but he has that silliness Ron always has about him. He’s trying to be a decent and respectable Auror, which I strongly believed he would have tried to be but he’s also making a jibe at Harry even though he bought it for himself too. Hermione is so prissy here but I generally believe she’s prissy. She has that edge about her that we see every so often but she’s also not a huge rule breaker either.

Okay, so there are other grammatical errors and what not but I think you get the gist and I know you have a beta or at least have a beta for your other stories so I’m not necessarily sure I am helping. I liked this chapter. I think your story has a lot of promise but again, I think you need to work more on your description. You have so many different scenes that you could flesh out more to bring this chapter from good to great. I also think you need to add like a page break or something to signify your switching from one part to the next because it gets a little confusing when one minute they’re celebrating his birthday and the next they are shopping and so on and so forth.

I like the idea of Harry living with Andromeda and wanting to take care of Teddy. The Weasley’s are his family BUT Teddy is his godson and his last connection to his parents/friends so he needs to work on that part of his life and build his little family there with Teddy and Andromeda.

Author's Response: Hi, Deeds!

Thank you for leaving your review!

Honestly when you guys chose this for CTF game, 'oh my merlin, it's my first story', I felt awkward a little for I predicted this.
As you pointed it out, the story needs beta reading, it'll take much time to fix it, so your detailed advice is really helpful.

Talking of Andromeda, most of us feel it difficult to write about her compared with Narcissa and Bellatrix. To the contrary, we can create our own Andromeda. So I tried on her. My Andromeda is a quiet, wise but passionate inside. I wish Nymp.Tonks lived there with them. If she was alive, she would have trained Harry as an Auror.

I love Ron who isn't a perfect guy but he always stands by Harry. I love their friendship since I started reading the book 1. So if you could grasp of it, I'm really happy. :)

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Review #14, by looneylizzie Reconstruction and Funeral

15th April 2015:
CTF - Round 8 - Jailbreak!

I'll admit, I did shed a few tears here. The funerals were very sweet, although I think you glossed through quite a few things, and it felt very rushed.

I'm also confused as to why they brought Fred back in the Ford Angela when they were going to be going back to Hogwarts. Why didn't someone just go get his robes and bring them back to Hogwarts? That seemed a little unnecessary.

The fireworks though, that's what got me. Great idea. I think my heart just broke a little bit.

Oh, and why didn't you write the scene where they resealed the Elder Wand in Dumbledore's tomb? After the last chapter, it seemed like you would...not that the story is bad without it...just curious I guess.

Kingsley asks Harry and Ron how Hermione's parents are, but she hasn't even left yet to go get them. Why is he asking that there? Shouldn't that be a bit later?

There are several little time jumps that happen in this chapter, and it's a little hard to tell when that's happening other than the next sentence being something along the lines of "The next morning..." or "Since the month of May..." Might I recommend that you use some sort of line divider so that we know that the timing has changed. Maybe something like this:

- - - - - - - - - - -

The break just makes it a little easier to differentiate one event from another as a reader. The visual line automatically creates a break in the story in the readers mind.

I thought the letter from Hermione about finding her parents was interesting, especially all the places she had to travel. (She was in NYC! Ah! My home!)

And a little extra side note: I don't know if you know this, but J.K. Rowling said that they never found Snape's body after the battle for some reason, but Harry made sure that he was listed among the dead in the memorial that was built for them...

You don't need to change your story to fit that, I just wondered if you knew and were having a funeral for him anyway? I dunno, I'm asking dumb questions now.

Anyway, another great chapter Kenny! Your story is definitely shaping up to be a good one!

Author's Response: Hi, Lizzie!

I'm lucky to have your review, my Quidditch team Beater herself left review on this!

Talking of Fred, I meant they brought his body home, the Burrow. I wrote about it a long time ago, so honestly I forgot how I wrote it, so I need to check what parts I didn't finish detailed description.

Your several suggestions are really helpful. I had no training experience to write stories before, so I had no idea how to change the time.
It'll take much time to fix the rushed parts, but I'll try bit by bit.

Speaking of Hermione's trip, I wrote most of the places I know, where I've visited or got information from the books.( I've been to NYC twice, but each stay was too short so I don't know about it well. The conversation with Spanish American in the shop was fun there. :D )

Talking of Snape, I wanted Harry to express his respect to Snape, so I decided the plot to put in. Maybe it depends on, there a lots of options for the authors how they write about Severus Snape.

Thank you for your constructive opinions!

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Review #15, by looneylizzie Life Still Goes On

14th April 2015:
CTF - Round 8 - Jailbreak Post!


This a wonderful start! You've done an excellent job of jumping right in from where the Deathly Hallows ended. I'm glad that you emphasized Harry's desire to return the Elder Wand back to Dumbledore's tomb. He'd obviously said it earlier, but the reiteration builds a stronger foundation for the Harry you're creating in this story.

Also, Harry and Ginny. You're so good at writing them together! I love how you write their interaction here! The fact that Harry is as nervous as a typical teenage boy around Ginny is just brilliant. It reminds us that Harry is just as human as everyone else, and even he can get flustered around a pretty girl. ;)

Not to mention Ginny's never-failing confidence. She does exactly what I'd expect her to do, she tells him that she never gave up, and that is what makes Ginny pure awesome.

Okay, just a couple of CC's

My biggest concern is that Harry is talking about career plans with Ron and making arrangements to being training to be an auror all on the day after the battle. This seems a little unrealistic in how fast that's happening. Honestly, I'd expect Harry to make sure that the Elder Wand was returned to Dumbledore's tomb right away, and then take at least a few days to physically recover before even discussing what he's going to do in the future. And even then, I'd think he'd at least take the summer to recover mentally and to mourn those he lost.

Everyone deals with grief differently, of course, but even if he insisted on getting things done right away, I'd expect that Ron, Hermione, or Ginny to at least be encouraging him to rest instead of jumping into something new.

There are a couple of little mix-ups/grammar mistakes, but I know you've got Kayla on board as a beta-reader, and I'm sure she'll be able to help you out with those, since they're all minor things that are easily fixed. :)

Great work Kenny! I'll be back soon for the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks again, Lizzie!

Yeah, I got wonderful beta readers. I really appreciate that. It'll take much time for them to do beta all though these stories, you know, I have many chapters.(lol)

As you mention that Harry needs the time to mourn those he lost, I set the story in the next chapter. I set the conversation in the bathroom where they chat for their future plan, 'cause they needed that since they were forced to give up the seventh year study to hunt for Voldemort's weapons.

And you'll find the trauma of Harry's experience in the past is hard to be mended, which will be continued to my third fanfic story, if you keep reading these. :)


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Review #16, by TreacleTart Life Still Goes On

14th April 2015:
Hi Kenny,

I'm here for the Gryffindor Capture The Flag Battle Final Round (8).

This was a really nice place to start your story, picking up right where the series ended. I can only imagine after the battle that so many things happened, so I like that you're exploring them.

I liked that when Harry gets to the Gryffindor tower he's tired and hungry. I would imagine that after hours of not worrying about eating and fighting courageously, sandwiches would be the first thing on his mind!

I thought the hesitation to ask to visit Ginny in front of Mr.Weasley was great. Even after everything that all of them have been through, it reminds us that Harry is still very young and adults can still be somewhat intimidating. It makes his character a lot more complex.

I think it's a great idea to seal the Elder Wand into Dumbledore's tomb forever. Definitely don't want to see it fall into the hands of another evil person!

I noticed a few typos, but they're pretty minor ones.

"but before talk with them," should be "before I talk"

"I've never given up to see you alive again" should be "I’ve never given up the hope of seeing you alive again"

"You,too, Kingsley," has too many commas. It should be “You too, Kingsley.”

"Can we put it back to Professor Dumbledore's tomb?" should be "Can we return this to Professor Dumbledore's tomb?"

All in all, this was a very intriguing start! I'm curious to see where the rest of the story goes! Great job Kenny!


Author's Response: Hi, Kaitlin!

I'm really glad you've started reading my stories from the start since you are my beta reader for the third story. My stories are connected with each other, so I don't recommend to read in the middle of the stories. At the same time I feel thankful that Kevin set this game. Without this match you've never thought of reading my first story, I guess. It's a bit of challenge to start reading the long series, isn't it? So your help as a beta reader will make my story more attractive for readers.

Thank you for pointing out the things including typos, I'll check.

:) Kenny

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Review #17, by Hogwarts27 Father and Son

26th February 2015:
Now that I've read this whole story, I think you did a terrific job writing and finishing this novel in English. So congratulations to you for this great accomplishment!

Your descriptions are a strong point in your writing, so I encourage you to keep using and developing that skill. It really makes a big difference to a scene when there's enough description in it.

In this final chapter, you brought the story to a nice close with the scene between Harry and Andrew. And the quidditch details left me feeling that Harry and his friends will have a future of pleasure and friendship along with their work.

I will also say that I started reading the sequel to this - and the plot is really GOOD! After I read the first 2 chapters, I couldn't stop reading. So I'll be back to leave some reviews on the sequel, because I'm really enjoying it so far!

Author's Response: Ooh I really appreciate for your wonderful encourageous review. Thank you so much for your follow.

I also like your style focusing on George and Oliver in your story. Harry loves George's banter and you don't forget letting Hermione play an important role from which I can learn

I hope you will enjoy and understand what I tried to write though my English expression needs much more progress.

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Review #18, by Hogwarts27 Snitch Catch

26th February 2015:
After the last chapter with the battle and other serious things going on, this chapter felt like a calm change of pace. I enjoyed both of the animagi scenes - they were my favorite scenes in this chapter. You nicely described Harry's transformation to a horse, and I liked the part where Harry reacted to Ginny touching him. Your animagi logic makes me wonder if Ginny is going to be a doe when she learns how to become an animagi.

The first quidditch scene - When I read this scene, it felt a little unbalanced to me. The introductions felt like they went on too long for the little bit of quiddtich playing that happened there, so if you ever decide to edit, I think that scene would be better if you shortenened the introductions if the quidditch playing is going to be that short. The second quiddtich scene was good though.

I enjoyed the scene with Andromeda singing to Teddy again, and the scene at the end where we learn that Harry is being recruited to a team was a fun way to end.

Author's Response: Thank you again for stopping by. We need sometimes calm things after sequence of action and mystery, you're right.

That Quidditch scene was my first time to describe it, so as you say, I reckon there are too many dialogues, I need to reread and edit them.

Talking about Andromeda and Teddy, many authors wrote about them, so I tried to write in a little bit different way.

I also like your writing about Harry alone with Kreacher in Grimmauld Places.

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Review #19, by Hogwarts27 A Reason for Living

21st February 2015:
Hi, I really enjoyed reading this chapter. Every scene was interesting from start to finish.

Battle scenes can be hard to write, but I think you did well. I enjoyed the little details you put in like - the way you compared Ron being hit by the battle debris to Fred being hit by a wall fragment. And I liked how you explored some of Harry's feelings both in the battle and afterward. I also enjoyed the conversation between all the characters after the battle.

Druid magic sounds very interesting. I enjoyed reading that part.

And the scene between Dumbledore and Harry was a good way to end. Harry learns something important about himself and his career choice in life. Great chapter!

Author's Response: Your comment shows me how it took for me to write this chapter. You're right, I spared time for this battle scene. I learned from your awesome review : when we cost much more energy and time in writing, we can produce better one. Thanks. :)

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Review #20, by Hogwarts27 Undercover

21st February 2015:
This was another good chapter. I enjoyed reading it. It had good action and good descriptions, and it kept me interested to see what would happen next. The fast action was good in a chapter like this.

I wasn't expecting Umbridge when she showed up in the story, but she was a good character to put in. When she mentions druid magic again, it made me curious to know more about it. So I was happy that Umbridge told us one thing that druid magic can do later on in the chapter.

You also surprised me with the unicorn patronus being from Draco. Even in this chapter, I wondered if Draco was secretly aligned with the Death Eaters again, especially when Lucius appeared in the story. But by the end of the chapter, I could see that Draco seems solidly on Harry's side.

You always end your chapters well. This was another good ending.

Author's Response: Your review always reminds me of beta reading and adding more description, thank you so much. I have no time to rewrite them but I have to. I like the softness in Draco, he may inherite that from his mother or Lucius loves his son as well so that Draco can't be a bad guy.

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Review #21, by Hogwarts27 Mentor

21st February 2015:
Hi, this chapter tells an important part of the story. The information you tell is interesting, and the plot takes an interesting turn. But I think this chapter needs more description to help bring it to life, the way you did in the earlier chapters. The scenes that are only dialogue feel a little empty without some description to go with them.

There were parts of the story where I wondered if Malfoy was going to switch sides and become a Death Eater again. And I don't trust Scrimgeour. I enjoyed Lily's journal - you did a nice job with that.

Author's Response: Thank you for your review. :) I could get what you could understand or not from your leaving review, I really appreciate that.

If I can get time to rewrite each chapter, I'll do it based on advice brilliant readers gave me including you, of course, Hogwarts27.

Speaking of Scrimgeour I made a little smirk because your react was definitely the direction to which I tried to lead readers.

And your review reminded me of using Lily's thing to mystery I'm writing now. Thank you. :)

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Review #22, by Hogwarts27 The Potions Master

7th February 2015:
Great chapter! I really enjoyed everything that happened, and all the interesting new details we find out. It kept me interested all the way through. Every scene was well developed with a good mix of dialogue and description.

I enjoyed the way you started out, explaining about Draco and his family. That was a good way to bring a reader into the story, and it was nicely written. And then it just got better and better with everything that happened.

I loved the potion making scene, and the way you described all the ingredients. I loved Snape's portrait too, and the search for the books. And you ended it perfectly. Excellent story-telling. I really enjoyed reading this. And I give you double credit for writing such a good story in such detail in a second language!

Author's Response: I really appreciate for your wonderful comments. :)

To tell the truth, I've read lots of fan fiction stories on this site and the other about Draco and Snape including slash, random reading. So they might influence me. There are so many Drarry, aren't there?

Much strong sexual nature , in my opinion, prevents readers from reading more. I like moderate pace.

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Review #23, by Hogwarts27 Back to Hogwarts

7th February 2015:
Hi! You did a nice job developing the story in this chapter. The plot unfolded nicely, and I felt a sense of increasing danger when Higgs was questioned and we learn out about the kidnap of his father. I also enjoyed the pensieve scene where Higgs sees his father unmasked. The was an excellent scene to put in.

You did a nice job describing the scene where Ginny wakes Harry up with the sun coming through the window. That was a lovely descriptive paragraph.

But then the part after she wakes him - you say Harry puts on a shirt, and Ginny gets up staggering a little, with her face turning red. But the story doesn't show why. Is it because she looked at Harry's bare chest and is embarrassed he might have noticed? If so, there was nothing in the conversation or scene description to give the reader this idea. Whatever the reason is, I think it would be good to bring it out better :)

You did an excelllent description of Harry's romantic feelings toward Ginny in the next part though. Oh my, a blazing goddess! It's clear that he adores the way she looks!

I loved the mystery ending. It makes me curious to find out why the Peverell name suddenly comes into the story. Excellent!

Author's Response: :) Thank you for reading my unskilled story.

To express being in love is the most difficult part for me. Because people in my country generally mask sexual nature. We have thought a modest attitude was a virtue.
But you're right. I need to explain more for readers.

Quidditch is one of my favorite magical category, maybe Book 4 and 6 influenced me. So I let Higgins enter.

Speaking of mystery, I'm just a green hand. I have to read other stories more.
Thank you for your kind review!

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Review #24, by Hogwarts27 The First Training Week

6th February 2015:
This was another good chapter. I had a really good time reading this.

Okay, I'll get a suggestion out of the way first:

Your newspaper headline - The Boy Who Saved Galleons - this is correct English, but I don't think it expresses your meaning well, because all people save galleons, so this doesn't make Harry feel special or different than anyone else. So I might suggest you think of a different headline. One idea that came to me was - Harry Potter, The Rich Hero. But it's completely up to you.

Also - Five Best Rich Wizards - this is bad grammar. The correct way to say this would be to call Harry the Fifth Richest Wizard, meaning he is number 5 from the top. You could also call him One of the Five Richest Wizards, meaning he is somewhere in the top 5. :))

Now back to the story. I really enjoyed all the action and training exercises they did, the tracking, the broom dismounts, everything. And again, very good descriptions from beginning to end that draw the reader in. The pace was good too, never boring.

When I read that McGonagall wants Ginny to protect Malfoy, this made me wonder if McGonagall had some special reason for making Malfoy head boy, because he seems an unusual choice.

The scene with Andromeda's lullaby was very sweet, and I enjoyed her explanantion. And again, it peaked my interest to hear her say she feels magic in the song. It makes me wonder if the song has some sort of power that we'll see in the story. Or it could also just be interesting lore. Either way is good. Don't spoil it by telling me!

And the ending was also good. Good story so far!

Author's Response: Wow, I really appreciate for your advice and opinions. It's been a long time since I wrote the last chapter of this story. I'll reread , edit and post a renew one.

When I wrote training action part, I imagined kendo, Japanese swordsmanship, so I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I think there are two big opinions treating Malfoy; the former Death-Eater to be hated and the pitiful victim caught under Voldemort.
I chose to treat him as the latter. But I want to treat him on equal term with golden trios, he is also a young man who has ambition.

Your encouraging words about Celtic song Andromeda sang reminds me of Druidic magic I tried to set up later which was not completed.
I'm wondering to set it up again in my third story, thank you!

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Review #25, by Hogwarts27 Auror Headquarters

6th February 2015:
Oh, I really enjoyed this chapter. It was a great read. The way you took us through every step of the auror process was wonderful, describing every little detail along the way. You even made the walk through the halls, and going in and out of the lifts interesting. I could picture everything so clearly. The way you put this all together really made it come to life. It truly drew me in, and made me want to keep reading. Terrific!

Author's Response: Thank you again, Hogwarts27.
I like action and wanted to write about the scene of the Headquarters.
Since I watched the movie of book 1, the friendship between Ron and Harry has always been in mind when I write HPFF story.
I know my English skill is not perfect but I try to write about a process of their growing up to be adults with fellow trainees.

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