Sorry about the lateness of my review, but I'm glad to read another chapter of this story. And what a gorgeous CI! I really like that this story is set back in history, but the graphics are very contemporary. I don't know exactly why but it's a great touch!
Fee is very loyal to Walburga, and you highlight this very well with her conversation with Alphard (who is still my favorite!) But I'm glad that you threw in some less desirable characteristics, like her jealousy, as well. It's very easy to only present readers with the good qualities of your OC, especially if they're your main character--but we need to feel like we can relate to them. And nobody is perfect. So throwing in a trait like jealousy is a good start. I think you may want to expand on this, even. In an earlier chapter, didn't she kind of renounce marriage to an unsuitable man, and doesn't she dislike the groom? So why is she jealous?
Also, there are a few historical discrepancies here. I don't think a woman would have been wearing her hair down to a formal event during this time period, which I'm assuming Ophelia was. Also Walburga calling her cousin a b-word in a public setting, as an upper-class woman, should have been met with some shock; at least from those who don't know her as well as Fee, like Ophelia.
I like the family rivalries, though; how upset Walburga was that her cousin was married on the same day. I'm sure, in their society, that it was very much like a slap in the face. And Walburga's sudden transition from serene and happy to fiercely angry was a really nice touch. It gave us a good glimpse into her character.
The contrast between Fee and Wali is really great. In fact, the whole scene where Walburga found out about Septimus and disowned her cousin and blasted things with her wand was very well-done. It's not your typical "drama at a wedding" scene. Very well-written indeed!
Oh my, that took a turn for the worst indeed. I know that Fee is the main character here, but I like Walburga much more (don't hate me!) She's very complex; torn between her family and her loyalty to her friend. We know that Fee is beautiful, slender, level-headed, not one for salacious gossip, and the voice of reason. But I feel like Walburga is so much more three-dimensional. Their relationship will be very interesting indeed!
I'm also interested to see what's going on with Tom and Fee. It's going to be very hard to write a romance about him, and I'm quite interested! Please feel free to re-request from me any time.
♥Author's Response: Hello, Sarah! ♥
I'm very sorry about the time it's taken me to respond to this review too! RL has been rather pesky these days, unfortunately. And I know! I don't know why either, but I certainly love them! :)
She certainly is - I think she's loyal to all three of them, really, which can take some juggling sometimes. And I'm planning on including her more undesirable characteristics as the story goes on. After all, she portrays herself as a Mary Sue but actually, she's not. ;) And she's jealous because she wants to be in love with someone who views her as an equal; I'll try and incorporate that into the chapter as soon as I have time. :)
Ophelia did have her hair down; I think I had just a few of the younger witches in mind to have their hair down. And Cedrella wasn't the first to be blasted from the tree; also, by marrying Septimus, she made herself a blood traitor and as such the pure-bloods would have called her the b-word. Additionally, Walburga had just received a rather upsetting shock, so she would say things without thinking.
Thank you! It's a Black wedding, there's bound to be drama - and they do it the Black way, haha. And indeed. I don't hate you; you're perfectly entitled to your opinion!
And oh, Tom and Fee. I can't wait for you to get to chapter six. :3 And I'm glad you think this story is interesting; I'll definitely re-request now that I've responded to this review. XD
Thank you so much for your critique, Sarah; I'm currently lost in my plurrow but as soon as I have a decent chunk of time, I'm going to go through those chapters and edit some more to clarify some of the stuff you've pointed out. Your reviews are incredibly helpful; thank you! ♥ Report Review
Oooh, a chapter focusing on Tom Riddle. :) I was instantly sucked into this chapter because of the questions I've been mulling over -- what are his true motives regarding Fiona; what angle is he playing?
"Her hair was bewitchingly ginger," seems like a clue. I don't think it's a coincidence that Fee also has red hair. Maybe he just has a thing for redheads, but I suspect that there is something else going on there, as well.
I had an "Aha!" moment at the mention of Hepzibah Smith.
The malevolentia potion has me intrigued as well. It's a very interesting concept, and it makes sense that there would be an opposite of amortentia. Itdefinitely seems like the sort of thing that Riddle would be interested in. So, could he have spiked Fee's hot chocolate earlier with something to make her like Alphard less?
I still have many questions about Riddle, but he's clearly up to no good. You do a great job of building mystery and suspense. I definitely plan to keep reading to try and get to the bottom of things!Author's Response: Oooh, yes! I realized Tom was somewhat overlooked in the previous chapters, so I decided to give him a chapter of his own. Ahh, those you'll have to discover later in the story! ;)
Heh. You cleverly picked up on that one! XD He does have a thing for redheads, but not in the way you probably imagine.
Ah, yes. Hepzibah is mentioned much later in the story when Tom kills her, so I thought it was nice to introduce her and show how Tom's obsession with her (or rather her Founders' possessions) started.
Yep, and certainly. Of course Tom would be interested in! :P And you're absolutely right - he spiked Fee by putting Malevolentia in her hot chocolate.
When would Tom Riddle ever be up to good?! XD Thank you so much! ♥ Report Review
Hello, Elphaba here!
Wow, this is a great chapter! I was caught up from the very beginning by your description of, "The murderous glare" that Septimus directs at his boss. Fee's conclusion that he outdid Walburga's murderous glare made me smile. Besides being clever, it tells us quite a lot about the characters and their relationships to each other.
I love the restrained hostility you develop between Fee and Septimus. I'm very curious to see how their partnership develops. I also really like the relationship between Fee and Alphard. I'm equally curious to see how they get along as roomies.
This is just a very solid chapter overall in terms of character and plot development, and I have no complaints. :)
I should get to Chapter 6 within the next day or so.Author's Response: Hi Elphaba! :D
That's great! I wanted to continue from where the last chapter ended, and how better than to convey Septimus' feelings, and it's good to hear that it caught your attention!
Hehe. Yes, Fee and Septimus are certainly opposites, and it's extremely fun to write them! And we'll see Fee and Alphard as roommates eventually. :)
Thank you very much - it's excellent to hear that! XD ♥ Report Review
Hello! I know this review's a bit late -- I keep making promises as far as reviews go that I just can't keep. For some reason my schedule gets more and more unpredictable with each passing day, but I suppose you're not interested in excuses!
I really like the first section of this chapter, and how you're setting up the canon interactions between Riddle and Hepzibah Smith. And I think that you characterized her really accurately, too! I've said this before, but fic writers who ground their stories in the fandom's canon always win my good seal of approval, and that's exactly what you've done here. Everything about the way you're writing him so far -- working in Borgin and Burke's, the way he carries himself, his inner and outer voice -- I toyed around before with the idea of a Tom Riddle/OC, and this is the exact sort of thing I was wanting to write, because I couldn't find it anywhere else. So the fact that you're writing him so excellently here is fantastic!
And I'm continuing to like Fee, of course, and (somewhat of a surprise to me) really enjoying Septimus Weasley, too. I'm very much looking forward to their future interactions! :) I think maybe the only thing to watch out for, concerning the pair of them, is not overdoing the Slytherin traits and stereotypes. Of course, Septimus would probably look unfavorably on them, which I do understand. But categorizing a place as where all the Slytherins go, or having someone do (or not do) something that "a Slytherin would do" and having someone explicitly mention it as such is perhaps a bit far-reaching into the categories, especially now they're out of school and aren't quite as tied down to their Houses. Not all Gryffindors are heroic, just as not all Slytherins are into the Dark Arts, etc. Despite my forums allegiances, I'm actually a Slytherin, so maybe it's just something I notice, but could also be a thing to watch out for. ;)
Ooh -- Fee's still going through with her decisions to live with Alphard, isn't she? Poor guy... I can already tell he really likes her. Even if she can't! We call that the friend zone, dear Alphard. Love the potion, too, and SNEAKY TOM. I really am thoroughly enjoying his characterization; I'll always read more about his pre-Voldemort days. :D Is he jealous of Alphard, I wonder? We know he can't love, because he was born under the influence of a love potion, but perhaps he could experience lust. I'm interested to see where you're going with this!
Ooh, and one quick typo: "he found it it impossible to reconcile the witch in front of him" has the word it doubled. :3
Really great chapter! And again, I apologize for taking a bit longer to review it than I earlier indicated. I hope you post chapter 7 soon, because truly, Kate -- I'm thoroughly, thoroughly enjoying your story thus far! ♥Author's Response: Hello! I wouldn't worry too much - I'm much later than normal in responding to this review, as you can see! RL gets in the way of life really easily, and it's completely fine to be a little late! :)
Ahhh yes! The melted iced cake that is Hepzibah Smith! I felt the need to include her, since we see her and Tom -much- later in the story - namely, when he kills her and runs off with Hufflepuff's cup and Slytherin's locket, and of course it brings out another aspect of Tom's personality, as you said. And as for all your compliments - thank you so much for those; I'm honoured. :3 ♥
I see what you mean, and I'd like to clarify. Septimus is (in my mind) one of those people who sees everything in black and white, and automatically assumes that all Slytherins are bad. (I must confess to basing him a tiny bit off of Ron.) There are people in RL who are prejudiced - homophobics, racists etc and in that vein, Septimus is a Slytherinist. :P (Plus, as explored in chapter eight (and mentioned in chapter three, I think), he's named after his maternal relative Septimus Malfoy, and he's grown up seeing his mother treated vilely by her estranged relatives, so that would also colour his opinion.) :3
Oh, yes she is. And oh yes, he does. She can't, because of Tom dosing her with the potion, so we'll just have to wait and see if she does like him when her opinion isn't impaired by an evil best friend. ;) I won't comment on whether he's jealous of Alphard, but he can feel lust and other emotions. And that is all I'm saying for now. :P
Ooh, thank you for pointing that out! Bad typo! Even proofreading a chapter 50+ times doesn't get rid of pesky typos, as I'm sure you know. But thanks - I've fixed it now, and I'll reupload when I have a CI up. :3
Don't worry - the delay is completely understandable! And I'm really happy that you're still enjoying my story! Oh, and chapter seven will be up in a couple of weeks! :) ♥ Report Review
Hello! Back again!
I am starting with a critique, only because it is the first sentence of the chapter. And I'm only being picky because it's so important to capture the reader's attention within the first sentence. Albus Dumbledore stood by the lake, awaiting the arrival of Hogwarts' new first-year intake, who he could see rowing across the lake. The repetition of the word "lake" paired with the rhyming and the length makes this sentence a little sing-songy. What if you said something like Albus Dumbledore stood by the lake, awaiting the arrival of the new first-years. He could see them now rowing across the waters? Just a suggestion of course, however it seems fit to you is what's best! I just chose to mention this because in my last review I said that you speak in run-on sentences but in ways so that it reads like historical literature... this sentence was a bit different though :3
In fact, as I read through, there are several places where you could take out some words to shorten your sentences. An author I really admire on HPFF told me that brevity is important when she pointed out that I sometimes do the same thing. It makes sentences more meaningful and to-the-point, if that makes sense. It also gives readers a chance to develop their own opinions or thoughts, rather than being explicitly told something. An example would be He was almost positive that the dark-haired, dark-eyed girl was Walburga Black, a twelve-year-old girl who had suffered from a terrible bout of dragonpox the previous year causing her attendance at Hogwarts to be delayed by a year. This could be shortened to something like, He was almost positive that the dark-haired, dark-eyed girl was Walburga Black. She had suffered from a terrible bout of dragonpox the previous year, which caused her attendance at Hogwarts to be delayed. If she's 12 and in the first-year boats, we can already assume the information that has just been taken out :3
The conversation between Fee and the Sorting Hat was a clever way of learning her past history. It was a bit strange for the Hat to be mentioning its opinions about her past, but perhaps he was provoking her to see what her reactions would be, and determine her character that way? Nice touch that she didn't want to go to Hogwarts--most young OCs are portrayed as wanting to go so badly. I also love that she wants to be the Minister of Magic. Very Slytheirn-ambitious indeed!
I like how you start us off on the day of a wedding and then flash back to their first day of Hogwarts. Two monumental days in their lives, and we can see how some of them have changed and how they're still the same, too.
This could also be shortened:
Fee flinched when the Hat shouted, having failed to realize its voice would sound louder when it was on her head instead of three metres away on somebody else's head. The reader can put information together, and really only needs to be given something like Fee flinched when the Hat shouted, its voice much louder from atop her own head.
Tom Riddle smiling in a friendly way? It's so hard to imagine! I know he's still a little boy here, but--although it was just in the movie, I'm sure JKR had some input--the scene where Dumbledore goes to visit him at the Orphanage is chilling. He's a quiet, malicious, unhappy and arrogant little boy. I wonder if we get to see more of this in later chapters? Right now he just seems like any other kid at Hogwarts--or maybe that's the point? I'm quite interested indeed!
Since I can't not talk about OCs in reviews, I have to mention Fee. I like her, I really do. But she's got some points racking up against her in terms of Mary Sue-dom. She's American, an orphan, opinionated, beautiful (at least if she looks anything like the gorgeous Keira Knighley :D), extremely logical for an eleven year-old, feisty, more ambitious than Salazar Slytherin, a heartbreaker, and possibly has the most evil Wizard of the twentieth century fall in love with her. Again, I think she's a complicated character with a lot of emotional depth, but these little artificial things that are pitted up against her may distort some readers' views of her. Maybe the OC workshop on the thread could help you sort things out. I really really hope this doesn't sound harsh, because with all of the research you've done with this story there is no way you didn't take time with creating her. I just want to help her be as realistic as possible--and of course, I am just one reader. Just one opinion. :3
Ooooh, so the letters are from her mother? Or maybe just this one. I like that you're ending each chapter with one of those, too. Nice!
I hope this review doesn't sound too harsh, with pointing out sentence structure and characterization and the like. It's just that this story has a lot of potential, and so I feel like I should critique accordingly because this could really be something great! :DAuthor's Response: Hello again! :)
Thank you for pointing out those overlong sentences; I've gone back and corrected them, and while they weren't changed word for word to the examples you gave, I've edited them to make a little more sense. I'll certainly keep an eye out for those kinds of sentences. :)
You are indeed correct - Fee was a Hatstall so the Hat wanted to converse with her to judge her character so he could put her into the House that fitted her personality more. And thank you - I didn't want to put it into the narrative of the story, and she obviously already told Walburga, Alphard and Tom about it on the Hogwarts Express, so the Sorting Hat seemed like a natural choice for me.
Thank you so much! Especially Fee - at eleven years old, she didn't want to be a "posh toff", and now at eighteen she's in the very heart of the upper class wizarding society, and personally I love that contrast. But I digress.
Yes - Tom is indeed smiling in a friendly way! As we see in the books, Tom admits to always being able to charm the people he needed, and this is the beginning of that. Plus, he's happy at being able to leave the orphanage, so that would contribute towards it.
Some of the aspects of Fee's history that we see now are misconceptions made by the characters, and they'll be basically shredded in the course of the story. Also, I think I may need to edit the Sorting Hat's comment - he -thinks- he hasn't seen a more ambitious child at eleven -since- Slytherin, not more than him. Additionally, there are countless children who are ambitious, but those ambitions aren't evident at the age of eleven when the Hat Sorts them. I hope that made sense? :3 (Tom doesn't fall in -love- with her; as I mentioned in the last review, this story will adhere to canon.) Speaking of Keira, Fee isn't quite as beautiful as her, but she was the only actress I could think of who looked similar enough and had plenty of pictures. ^.^ I've used the OC Workshop thread for other OCs, but not with Fee simply because that would mean revealing her family history, which is a part of the plot - and yes, I did spend a lot of time creating her family and working out a way to incorporate her discovery of them into the story. I certainly understand what you mean though, and I'll keep an eye on that.
No, the letters aren't from her mother. Thanks - it's good to hear you like the letters!
Your review wasn't too harsh; it's completely understandable and I thank you for the critique - it was helpful and pointed out aspects of the story that I need to keep in mind while writing future chapters. Thank you! ♥ Report Review
Hey! Here for your requested review, again, for chapter 2!
I quite liked this chapter too, I think you did a nice job with the idea of showing how Walburga, Alphard, Fee, and Tom started their friendship by going back Seven Years.
I liked how Albus Dumbledore seemed in character, knowing about his students and reflecting on them. You portrayed that little scene well.
I loved the interactions between Alphard and Fee in the beginning (and the end too), though I'd have liked to see more interactions between Fee & Walburga, and especially Fee and Tom too.
I loved the Sorting Hat's song! You wrote it wonderfully, and the insight you showed into Fiona's mind during the sorting was awesome. It really gave us such a great perception of her, and you managed to really give some concrete to her character which was great.
I felt a little sad knowing about Fee's mother leaving her like that, and the way you incorporated that was good. However, I think it would have been better to reveal more of Fee's background then (maybe through her reflections in her mind afterward). The scene seemed lacking in a way, so I guess more detail would have been preferable there.
And as I mentioned earlier, more interactions/detail/descriptions between Tom and Fee would have been much better too. You could have used this "seven years previously" chapter to actually give Tom and Fee's relationship a little base - if just by a small interaction, since first impressions play a huge role in later-relations after all.
Also, you had problems with the grammar, in terms of punctuation throughout the chapter. I am not sure if I failed to notice this in the previous chapter or not, but I definitely noticed it in this chapter. When you write dialogue, it is like this-
"Best friends." she whispered.
But actually, the correct way is this-
"Best friends," she whispered.
There's always a comma after the dialogue and not a period (unless there's a question or exclamation mark).
I hope I am not coming across as too nit-picky, but it was not one typo, rather a consistent mistake, so I thought I'd point it out to give you the opportunity to correct it when you get the time in all the current chapters, and to not make this mistake in the future chapters =)
Apart from that, this was a well-written chapter. I liked the concept very much, and the way your narrative flowed. The pace was balanced too, and so was the grammar (apart from the punctuation problem). The over all characters were well-crafted and besides the CC I mentioned regarding the interactions between Fee & Walburga, and especially Fee and Tom, and Fee's background, I dont think there's any major flaws in the chapter.
Oh, and I forgot to say this in the previous chapter's review (and would like to say it for this chapter's review too), I think the letters at the end are a nice touch. I am not sure if it is central to the plot just yet, but they seem to increase the interest and suspense hanging around the over all story. After reading this chapter, I have an inkling that the letters may be written by Fee's mother, but of course one cant be too sure.
Nonetheless, great chapter all in all, keep writing! I hope my reviews were satisfying. Feel free to re-request!
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Hello again! Thanks for reviewing again!
It's great to hear that you liked my time-turning, for lack of a more appropriate word that refuses to come to mind straightaway, and that you enjoyed Albus' perspective of the first-years' arrival. I thought that since JKR had already written from Harry's POV, I'd do something different and show the professor's POV.
With regard to Walburga and Tom, again, I didn't want to overload the reader with too much information. Perhaps one day, I'll come back and re-edit those early chapters, but for now they're staying as they are. Tom/Fee interactions as children will be featured in a Hogwarts Express flashback. :)
Some of the credit for the Sorting Hat's song has to go to JKR, since I did borrow some of her lines and meshed them with my own to create an unique song that fitted the format of the songs in the books. It was quite difficult to write, actually, so it's excellent that you liked it! XD
Fee's background is pivotal to the plot in this story, so I unfortunately could not include more of her history without revealing spoilers. Also, as I mentioned earlier, she and Tom have a chapter of their own which is The Hogwarts Express, and is placed further into the story because it fits better there than here. Seven Years Previously was written straight after A New Beginning, so it became Alphard's flashback in a way, and Tom's became The Hogwarts Express. Whether Walburga will have a flashback chapter too is currently undecided.
Ack! I see what you mean with this chapter - at first, I was a little confused because when I wrote the first two chapters of Sheer Abandon, I did use incorrect grammar in my dialogue without realizing. However, after I discovered this, I edited the first two chapters and wrote future chapters with the correct grammar.
I checked and the reason you didn't notice any grammar issues in the last chapter was because I'd uploaded the edited version. Somehow, the edited version of this chapter didn't get uploaded, and after some puzzling I've decided it was probably down to (likely) uploading in the early hours of the morning, since I write / edit mainly in the evenings and then upload after I finished. But I digress. Thank you for pointing that out - I'll certainly upload the edited version in the morning, when I'm wide awake and can be certain of uploading what I want. :)
Thank you so much for all your lovely comments, I do appreciate them! ♥
The letters are indeed a big part of the plot, but no - despite every reviewer thinking this, they aren't from Fee's mother.
Thank you so much!
-Katie Report Review
Hello! Here for your requested review! Since you asked for general comments, and no specific concerns, I wont go into extreme detail.
Coming to the chapter, this was definitely a well-written piece. It seems like a good beginning of the story. You have introduced your main characters and highlighted certain aspects about them relevant to the plot, fairly well.
I like how you've crafted Fee, she seems to be a complex character. I liked her little "speech" on marriage, and on the kind of man she wants, which showed a lot about her.
I would have liked more insight into her and Alphard's relationship though, maybe put in an interaction that actually showed the depth of their friendship, rather than merely stating that they were best friends. Of course, you can develop this into later chapters too, but a small interaction (maybe elaborate the teasing a little bit or something) in the opening chapter would have been nice.
I liked how you showed Walburga and Fee's friendship though, their interactions seemed sufficient to show their friendship :)
I am also looking forward to more of Tom and Fee and see where their relationship is headed and what actually is going on. If you had mentioned him a little more, it would have been nicer.
However, if you did that intentionally to maintain more suspense then let it be =)
The over all tone of your narrative, and of your characters is quite nicely captured too, it does seem like 1945, and like Purebloods talking. The grammar seemed okay too.
The over all pace and flow of the chapter was good too, and it seemed to set an interesting stage for the rest of the story, especially the little bits you inserted about Tom Riddle.
You asked about the summary, so I'd say that since this is the first chapter, I cant really tell whether it totally fits in with the story or not, but so far it looks good. I actually really like it since it is so intriguing =)
All in all, good work! I dont have much CC to give you apart from the little I said about Alphard and Fee.
I do hope you weren't disappointed with the review, as I tried to talk about all I could think of, but since you didn't give me any specific concerns to focus on, I couldn't really be very helpful.
Anyway, this was a pleasant chapter. Good work!
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for stopping by to review! :)
Thank you so much! I'm really glad that you thought that I introduced my characters well!
Fee is definitely a complex character! She's very outspoken in private surroundings, yet conceals her true feelings publicly, and I'm having fun writing her!
I understand your point about Alphard, but I didn't want to overwhelm the reader with information in the first chapter, especially as I do develop their relationship further over the course of the story.
Walburga and Fee obviously take centre stage in this chapter, as it's Walburga's wedding day!
Tom wasn't mentioned much in this chapter, simply because he wouldn't have been close enough to Orion to be a best man, and obviously he wouldn't be present around Walburga, so he and Fee don't get the chance to interact until they meet at the church.
Thank you! I was a little concerned about the 1945 aspect, as there is a war in the Muggle world, so it's good to hear that you considered this chapter to fit the time period.
I'm happy that you considered the pace and flow of the chapter to be good too. :)
Ahh, that's brilliant! My last one didn't explain much about the story overall, just the beginning, so it's good that it's intriguing! Hopefully the summary will attract more readers!
Thank you very much for reviewing, and for trying to point out as much as you could. I'll try and pick out something to focus on next time, but the good thing is there were no glaring errors that caught your attention! XD
-Katie Report Review
Hello! I have recovered from the English Breakfast Soup dilemma and am here with your review. :3 I've wanted to read this story for a long time and am glad that I'm able to now!
Wow, what a refreshing narrative. I feel like you capture the essence of the time period and its high society so well. Although at first I thought some of the dialogue was verging on running on to long, it fits completely with the tone. I can recall reading similar dialogue in literature from Austen to Tolstoy and I have to say I am really impressed with how you've conducted this. I saw in a previous review response that Fee also went on like that because she was so adamant that she didn't feel like she could be interrupted. I can totally see that in reading it.
I am interested to see how Fiona develops. I'm unsure of her right now, and I mean that in a good way. She's very mysterious without being dramatically so... she just seems to be the perfect embodiment of high pureblood society.
I like her idea of what she wants in a man (during the time and social class I'm sure this was considered to be radical feminism) but at the same time, I wonder why she feels like she needs one so desperately in the first place? She just seems so intriguing right now. Two men are fighting over her, it seems, but Irma detests her. She is friendly to those she cares about, but still retains her hierarchical worldview when she admonishes a House Elf for daring to speak. The fact that her last name is Phoenix and that she is strikingly beautiful and was born on Halloween makes me wary--but then I don't feel like we're supposed to really like her. Does that make sense? I really mean all of this as a compliment; all in all, I think you're setting up the perfect candidate for Tom Riddle to fall in love. (That's who I assume the letter is from, btw!)
I really like Orion the best, I think. He's certainly caught in a tough place with knowing the secrets of Walburga's problems but not wanting Alphard to be upset. Speaking of Alphard, I am interested to hear more about him. He's so austere but is bold enough to make rude comments about Fee and her men (so I assume she's a bit of a heartbreaker, too?)
A wonderful job. You've captured the tense and altogether fragile feeling of how I imagine these "noblest houses" to be; the tensions between people that due to social restraints go unsaid, the secrets, the lies.
I love it! ♥Author's Response: Hello! Oh yes, the English Breakfast Soup. :3 Ooh, I'm glad you're finally here! XD
Thank you so much! I wanted to write a story that fitted in somewhat with the pure-blood hierarchy at its finest, and I'm honoured at the comparisons with Jane Austen! XD
I agree - and yes, it would probably be considered radical feminism. However, Fee wouldn't admit what she really wanted in a man to someone that wasn't her best friend, so the feminist side of her is somewhat concealed. As for why she feels she needs a man so much - the pure-blood world hasn't caught up to the concept of independent women waiting for the right man. Fee's position as an Auror (in chapters three onwards) is in a grey area, but for her to remain a part of the society she lives in, she'd have to marry well. As for the two men - yes, they are fighting over her, but for different reasons and that's all I'm saying for now. Yes, you absolutely make sense and I know what you mean. Thank you! - although, I am planning on keeping this story canon, and since it's canon that Tom can't fall in love, that isn't happening. There are other emotions similar to love though, so I wouldn't give up on the Tom/OC pairing just yet! ;) (And you've already read the next chapter so you'll know that it can't be him.)
Perhaps that's because we haven't seen much of Orion's personality yet. :P I think you got Orion and Alphard mixed up though - Alphard knows about Walburga's alcoholism whereas Orion doesn't. Yet. And I think I mentioned this in another review response - Fee didn't date any more than any other girl her age did, or indulge in excessive impropriety, but Alphard is exaggerating because in his biased opinion, it feels like more.
Thank you so much! That was what I set out to do, so it's fantastic to hear that I was successful! ♥ Report Review
Oh my god, what is Tom going to do?!? I'm a relatively bad guesser when it comes to plot twists and turns :( Is it Fee he'll give it to? To make her...er...hate Alphard or something? I have no clue. This. is. a cliffhanger.
I think you're doing a great job showing Tom's darker and more malevolent side little by little. His characterisation has been quite wonderful, and is especially good in this chapter. There's that moment of understanding between him and Fee, the affection, and then there's his spiteful greedy thoughts toward Hepzibah and her possessions. The chapter ending was just chilling with him reading about the hate-inducing potion and making *cough* evil plans.
And Septimus! He's funny bahaha xD He's prejudiced toward Slytherins :D And his amazement that Fee would know a Muggle rhyme is just priceless. Always wonderful to see a character's firm beliefs undermined by things they would never have thought possible. I love how Fee is not intimidated in the slightest by him, merely telling him to mind his own business - despite him being her mentor and all. And that Septimus actually obeys her! If you keep up with this delightful animosity between Fee and Septimus...I might just start shipping them together. And that won't be good news for every other character in the story...
Ooh, love the little things here and there that make the fanfic sit so nicely with canon and the wizarding world - the box that can only be opened by a Muggle rhyme, which is a nice contrast to the suit of armour cursed to behead Muggles (ugh! Just the sort of thing Borgin and Burke's would be selling!). And then there's the physical description of Hepzibah - she looks exactly as she does in the novels bahaha - like a giant melting iced cake. I can't wait for the time Tom goes to visit her.
Your writing is really polished in this chapter. It's so smooth, and the flow is quite wonderful, actually. The sections all fit together so nicely, and the transitions between scenes are really well done.
And I'm no closer to finding out the mysterious letter-writer :p My only suggestion (and this is my own personal opinion - it's up to you whether you want to take this up or not) would be that your letters have a bit of development to them - perhaps reveal a little bit of detail (I swear I'm not asking you to reveal the plot twists and all!!). So far all the letters have been very vague and leaving the same rather generalised comments, and there's the risk of them becoming a little repetitive. You could reveal a little bit of detail or hint at events - not necessarily details that the reader will understand; it's more to show some sort of development within the sequence of letters Fee is reading.
OK, goodness, I've really missed reading Sheer Abandon, and I'm so glad you've finally updated! This has been another fantastic chapter and I've enjoyed it as usual. Keep the updates coming :DD
-tehAuthor's Response: Haha, I mention it in the next chapter, but I thought I'd dropped enough hints in this one with his and Fee's conversation about her misgivings about Alphard to show that he -already- has given it to her. :3 (Hello, btw!)
I squee'd with all the compliments about Tom's characterization! I just felt that we hadn't seen him enough in previous chapters, so he deserved some attention. :P And since Hepzibah's murder occurs near the end of this book, I thought it appropriate to introduce her here, to refresh readers' memories. ;)
Septimus is indeed the very opposite of Fee, and I'm certain that Roy Savage is sat at his desk staring at them and wondering the benefits of character development that he'd intended to occur by pairing them together will be cancelled out by one of them killing the other. ^.^ Fee thinks that she's more worthy than him, so she has no qualms about telling him to mind his own business - and Septimus doesn't really have a choice but to obey, considering that their relationship is supposed to be a working one and he asked a personal question. :P BAHAHAHA! As awesome as that sounds, I'm trying to steer clear of the cliche of every man falling in love with Fee - and besides, Septimus was always intended to be a frenemy. Since you're a masochist though, feel free to ship Fee/Alphard or Fee/Tom; they won't give you any respite. :P
I didn't actually think of the contrast between the two artifacts in question while I was writing, but I see your point! XD And of course I researched the iced cake's physical description so I could describe her as Hepzibah - oh wait, that's meant to be the other way round isn't it? ;)
Ahhh, thank you so much! ♥ They always worry me, those switches between sections!
Your timing, Teh, your timing! >.< The letter in chapter seven hints at an event from when Fee was five; certainly moving it along I think! It also confirms that it isn't Fee's mother writing those letters - a lot of reviewers keep asking if it is, so that will hopefully encourage them to think of alternatives! I will admit that the earlier letters weren't very revealing, but that was because those chapters were introducing us to the characters and the world they live in. Chapter seven - The Games We Play - is the one where we really get moving (I hope).
I felt so guilty about the delay in updating! But in my defence, there was a queue closure and other stories that I had to post, some of which you've read! ;)
I will most definitely keep those updates coming! My intention is to complete Sheer Abandon this year, and it's one of my New Years' Resolutions so I can assure you of updates!
-Katie Report Review
God bless it! I knew, I knew that letter was going to get me worked up when you mentioned it! I knew it, but darn it! Still got me.
I love, love this sotry! It's absolutely official, and I'm obsessed! Everthing is up to par, which thoroughly impressed with!
I particularly adored Walburga's reaction that Cedrella was marrying a weasley. That section was a little confusing; the only flaw I've noticed! It took me a minute to sort through it and determine who was marrying who. Maybe it's because I'm tired but I don't know.
Try just a little, little more imagery. I know this is pestering but I will bug you and nitpick and bother until I get perfection. I know you have it in you--I've seen it-- which is why I bother you until it's perfect. I know I'm annoying and I apologize, but oh well!
Please, please keep requesting! I love when people come back and request repeatedly!
EverAuthor's Response: Haha, I'm sorry but the fact that the letters get you simply fill me with glee!
I'm so happy that you love this story and that it's been up to par so far! (Rhyming unintentional.)
I re-read that section and it made sense to me- it would, since I wrote it- so could you please elaborate on how it became confusing and I'll work on that. :)
Hopefully there is more imagery in chapter four; I hope you like it! And don't worry about the pestering- I too would like Sheer Abandon to be perfect!
And I will most definitely be coming back to request! XD
-Katie xx Report Review
+1 respect @The Misfit.. I liked the way you end the chapters with what I assume to be Fiona's mother..(I sometimes think it is McGonagall , considering how she is associated with america in a lot of fan fics), please go on with the story. This is the first story i am following , since I started reading fan fics on HPFF 3 years ago.. nice storyline btw..Author's Response: Thank you! Whether it's Fee's mother or not will be revealed at a later point in the story. :P
I can assure you that Minerva isn't Fee's mother, especially since she was born in 1935 while Fee was born in 1926. ;)
Thank you for following my story, and I will absolutely be completing it during 2013! I'm glad that you like the storyline! Report Review
just my point of view.. but I am used to the canon , so I felt like Tom was being really ignored ,considering how people were said to revere him in his school , but I think the next chapter will do justice.
regards,tuere (first review).Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing; I'm doing my best to keep as closely to the canon as possible but I will take on board your suggestions. I would like to point out though that the characters aren't in school. However, Tom will become more involved in later chapters. :) Report Review
I love where you're going with this! All of the characters seem so realistic, and just like how JKR must have imagined them when she wrote their descendants. The Blacks are perfect. Exactly how I would write them myself! I can't wait to read more! :)Author's Response: Thank you! I'm happy that you find my characters realistic; I certainly do try to keep them as canon as possible while exploring all the possibilities.
Chapter six will be up in the first week of January. :) Report Review
Oh my merlin. I love your writing, it's absolutely enchanting and what a fresh perspective! I can't wait to continue reading because I feel like this is going to be an extremely original and captivating story!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad that you like this story!
Thanks for the review too! XD Report Review
Here I am, offering you a review and shamelessly stalking random fanfics like I've been doing all day and since I've never given you a review before, its nice to meet you and all that. :D
We've talked on the forums but the archives are different you know! Not really. :p
Anyway, moving on!
I read the summary for this, thinking that this would immediatley venture into a Hogwarts-drama sort of thing. Thankfully, it didn't proceed in that direction because I can't quite see Mr. Tom Riddle getting into those sort of squabbles.
I did like the opening for this story, it seemed to me to be very sweet. The way Walburga regarded herself as a proud bride-to-be was rather touching, but was later sort of worrisome after I finished the chapter. I'll get to that later. To be honest, I wasn't really sure who your main character was at first but I eventually got to understand that this was about Fee. I enjoyed how supportive she was and even though Walburga's mother was about as nice as a cactus, it was nice seeing Fee being helpful regardless. Now. On to those men! I actually liked Orion, he didn't come off as really stuffy like I would have pictured and Alphard didn't come off as very likeable. I didn't appreciate his nasty comment to Fee either and I didn't get why she considered him a friend to her after it. Perhaps there's more to it that we need to know? Hm? I'll be on the lookout for that then. With Walburga and Fee in the carriage, I liked the turn of conversation about the sort of man that would capture her fancy. There should have been a few breaks in her sentences I think but it was good peek into her character. And what's this? She and Tom?! I honestly didn't really expect there relationship to be so romantic...or, perhaps I'm wrong? :D
Can't picture Tom as being romantic/friendly! That's going to be an interesting read. :)
But anyway, on to that wedding. It was a little concerning to find out that Walburga wasn't really as interested in marrying Orion as he was here. That's going to pose some future problems, I think and I'm really glad that you made that apparent. Its a bit different from say, a fairty tale like wedding that I've read in books and watched on TV with amazingly rich people. Haha.
Now, Alphard's POV was a little hard for me to get into since I was still sort of annoyed with his attitude but I got over it eventually. Haha. I was really worried when he mentioned Walburga's drinking habit and I'm not sure if that's going to play a bit mmore in the story. Hopefully, it will because that's a serious issue! And, that ending. Well, I think him being jealous of Tom serves him right! Perhaps he should have said something to Fee! Haha. Will you have some sort of confrontation later? :D
Anyway, this was pretty interesting, I don't read many things about the Black family this far back. Its a good break from some of the other things that I've been reading so thanks! :D
See you on the forums and I hope this wasn't too long!
GabbieAuthor's Response: Haha, thank you! Nice to meet you too, Gabbie; I'm Katie! (Side note: our names rhyme! Woo!)
I do mention in that summary that they're newly graduated. ;) I'm considering changing it after the queue re-opens though.
Thank you! As Fee is a mysterious character, I didn't want to introduce her at the beginning as this would have required including her backstory, which I didn't want to do so early in the story. So, I used an established canon character instead. XD
"Walburga's mother was about as nice as a cactus" absolutely, honestly cracked me up! Orion is a very complex character, and you'll see him again in chapters three (a small mention) and seven (a life-changing event). I'm sorry that you found Alphard unlikeable; he and Fee are best friends and that comment wasn't actually malicious, it was actually out of his jealousy, because he feels that she dates everybody but him. (That's an exaggeration, but Alphard is biased and so his POV is distorted.)
I didn't want to put breaks in Fee's speech, because I saw her in that moment as going off on a tangent and being so absorbed in what she was saying that she wouldn't notice interruptions. As for Tom, he does come across as pleasant and friendly, but in chapter six he shows his true colours in unpleasant ways. ;)
Walburga's alcoholism becomes a serious issue in chapters four and seven, and has devastating consequences.
Thank you for this lovely review, and it wasn't too long! I'm glad you found this interesting; perhaps you'd like to read the rest? ;)
-Katie Report Review
Hi, Elphaba here again. Aww, thanks very much for the dedication, by the way. :)
After this chapter, I'm still wondering what game Riddle is up to ... he seems so caring, and I can't believe it. In contrast, I had grown so comfortable with Fee that it was very jarring for her to reveal sentiments like this one: "You do things your way, I do them mine, and eventually we're going to run this country, side by side, and get rid of the filth that taints our world." She's like a sweet old lady who smiles at everyone and then spouts racial or religious intolerance when you sit down to talk with her. I'm assuming this contrast is intended, so well done! :)
It was interesting to learn more about Fee's aspirations as an auror. I hadn't been thinking about Moody at all, so it was a pleasant surprise for him to begin training at the same time as Fee. It'll be interesting to see how they interact, and how they might influence each other. I'm also quite interested to see how Fee gets along with Septimus Weasley. :)
I loved the nonchalant way he dumped the shaking briefcase into his desk, as if this were a routine thing he does every day. :)
A couple of little editing things I noticed:
"Fee answered, staring at the puffs of steam emitting from the scalding liquid intently." I like "intently" should be moved up in the sentence to just before "staring," so that she's "staring intently" at the steam.
In this sentence: "Her skin was porcelain, marred only by freckles so opaque, they could only be noticed if you were looking at her closely." "Opaque" means that the freckles would be dark, completely covering the skin beneath them. From the context of the sentence, I wonder if "light" or "translucent" is what you meant?
Walburga seems to be having her own problems as well; I am beginning to picture the dysfunctional family that Sirius will eventually flee.
Keep up the good writing, I'm looking forward to the next chapter!Author's Response: *squees* Hello there, Elphaba! There's no need to thank me; your reviews are so lovely and helpful that you deserve the dedication! :)
Thank you! Yes, I wanted to display Tom's ability to charm people into doing what he wanted, as we know that that's canon. Furthermore, with regards to Fee, I wanted to remind readers that she's a Slytherin, and she's spent seven years of her life being surrounded by supremacists, so she would have picked up on those attitudes. I think the reason I love her so much is that she's a very complex character! XD
I didn't want Fee to be the only rookie Auror, but at the same time I didn't want to create too many OCs. Remembering that Moody was retired in GOF made me think he was quite old, so I checked and because JKR didn't give him an official date of birth, I used that as an excuse to make him the same age as Fee and co. :P
You'll see much more of Septimus in chapter five, which you're probably reading as I type this, and in chapter eight: "Of Weasels And Ferrets". XD
Thank you for spotting those errors! I'll get right on to fixing them! I was under the impression that "opaque" was a synonym of "transclucent", but evidently not so I'll change that. :D
There is actually a one-shot planned for Walburga set in 1976 that I'm currently writing, which will be posted after chapter seven as it contains spoilers for Sheer Abandon, but can be read as a stand-alone. (Side note: I still can't believe I just created a "Sheer Abandon universe"!)Perhaps you'd like to read it when it's posted? ;)
I will, and thank you! ♥ Report Review
Hello there, Katie! I am finally here! I read this chapter a couple of days ago on my phone...and meant to review once I got hold of a computer. And forgot. I’m sorry!
So this is another great instalment to your fic! That exchange between Fee and Septimus was too funny! It was a lovely bit of dialogue...well...more like snarky and scornful and sardonic but still wonderfully entertaining. I'm not sure if this is intended, but that final bit where Septimus addresses Fee as "sweetie" came off as rather – flirty. I mean I know he intended to rile her further, but it felt like he was riling her in an umm, flirtatious sort of manner. I already hope there'll be a ton of scenes between these two; there's so much energy (and not all of it positive bahaha) when these two get together! This scene actually kind of overshadowed the next bit where Fee and Alphard discuss things over dinner. Well, Alphard does pale in comparison to both Tom and Septimus so far! Poor Alphard...
But then the ending! Fee is going to move in with Alphard! Just when I thought he doesn’t really stand a chance with Fee! And then they decide to move in together, or well, she becoming a lodger at his place or something...so I guess there's plenty of room for things to develop between them even if she does feel uncertain and uncomfortable about her friend? I love how complex and tangled everything is becoming – the plot, the characterisations, the relationships between people. It's quite intriguing.
This chapter has been just lovely to read. It has much more dialogue than narrative, but all of it was really well-written, and it all flowed so naturally and easily and the conversations weren't stilted at all. I enjoyed the touches of snarky humour here and there; I think they did a great job of lightening the mood. Speaking of mood, there was a shift in this when I got to the mystery letter. It just felt much heavier and more melancholy. And I really liked the change. As usual, there’s a lot of control in your writing, with regards to pacing and flow and atmosphere.
OK, well, more great writing! I've really enjoyed this :D Love your characters more than ever and I'm looking forward to your next update! Apologies once again for taking so long to review!
-tehAuthor's Response: Hello there, teh! It's not a problem at all- I do that kind of thing myself! :P
I actually have no idea how I managed to write those scenes! In fact, the next time Septimus makes an appearance in Chapter 8: "Of Weasels And Ferrets", I'll be quaking in my seat trying to create something that'll match up to this amazing success I've received!
Now that you mention it, I see it now but I didn't notice it when I was writing. I saw him as more of doing anything possible to rile Fee and "sweetie" was the only way he knew how to at that moment, since they only just met. But I'm glad that you liked it! XD
Poor Alphard indeed! I wanted to include him in this chapter, since he won't be in the next three at least, and I know! I felt bad for Alphard to be stuck on the sidelines, so I decided to use him to set the stage: highlighting Fee's uncertainty of him which leads to chapter six where we learn why. And it's not a very nice ending. *hides*
I have no idea how I've managed to create this complex and tangled fanfiction, or how it flows so naturally and easily. I can't write humour to save my life, so for you to say that this chapter had snarky humour included blows me away, and as for "a lot of control" in my writing: to be completely honest, I just sit down and start typing and it all ends up on the screen with the story writing itself. Some days, I think the only purpose I serve to this fanfic is to actually get it from my word processor to HPFF. :')
But thank you, thank you, thank you so much for showering me with all of your lovely compliments! I really do appreciate them! ♥
And again, don't worry about the delay!
-Katie Report Review
Katie! I'm a wee bit late with this review, and I hope you'll forgive me for it. I did respond to five reviews, and then my sister and I were trying to scrape together dinner, since our parents decided to eat out with friends of theirs. And then, because my memory is basically shot through with holes, I sat down and read Game of Thrones for a while. But I'm here now -- and I rushed through that chapter! Good chapters always feel the shortest.
I can tell that I'm already going to like the banter between Fee and Septimus! They're going to butt heads a lot and it's going to be so fun to read, and I love reading this and thinking about all the future Weasleys, and how Septimus's reactions are pretty much like I'd expect Ron's to be, or even Arthur's. I love a good Weasley. ♥ Although if he keeps insisting on calling Fee 'sweetie' then I agree with Alphard -- it'll be his funeral!
I did smell a love triangle, then? Ooh, I desperately hope so -- I know how cliche they are, but I absolutely cannot resist a well-written love triangle. And you know how highly I think of your writing, so I'm very excited to see where this takes the pair of them! As a random side note, I'm glad Fee's a bit frustrated with Tom's decision to work at Borgin and Burke's. That's something that's always sort of nagged at the back of my mind, after reading that in HBP. If he was such a talented wizard... why? But that's one of the things I already really like about this story: You're taking the time to explain little canon things like that, and it does feel more real that way, which is always something I like to see. :)
And that letter at the end! New theory: Are they from Tom? I'm going with either Tom or Fee's mother, but haven't made up my mind yet (because I am the most indecisive person on this planet). And speaking of Fee's family, I think it's so sad that the Muggles who raised her disowned her for being a witch. I can see it happening, actually... but it's still very sad. :(
Lovely chapter, as always! I'm so pleased you got a chapter of this into the queue before it closed down. ♥ I can't believe I've already read five chapters of this story, though... Time flies when you're having fun!
Seriously: Excellent job! I await chapter six with much anticipation!Author's Response: Don't worry Rachel, you're forgiven! :D My memory is terrible though- somehow when it comes to HPFF-related stuff and especially Sheer Abandon, I remember vast amounts, but when we're talking about RL, my brain is like a sieve!
I didn't actually think of the similarity between Septimus and his descendants when I was writing this, but now that you mention it, I definitely see your point! (And I can't understand how I've managed to plot out chapter eight: "Of Weasels And Ferrets" without remembering Arthur v Lucius and Ron v Draco... *sigh* This is a classic example of my subconscious ability to retain vast HPFF-related knowledge.) And oh, absolutely! :P
I know, but I think love triangles are the kind of cliche that you look at affectionately and think, awww. Kind of like a security blanket in fanfic-reading, if you will. That nagged at me too, but in a way, I can understand it because he wanted to research Dark artefacts, and also find Slytherin's locket- something he probably felt he had the right to possess- and Borgin and Burke's was ultimately the easiest and legal way of doing that. But of course, it doesn't change Fee's feelings. Awww, thank you! ♥
Okay, let's say your new theory is correct: how then do you explain the letter that Fee received when she was eleven, in chapter two? ;)
I was a bit confused when you said that the Muggles who brought her up disowned her, until I re-read Walburga and Orion's discussion and realized how Walburga spoke could be put into several different contexts. Fee's "parents" did put her into a psychiatric hospital, but they didn't disown her. More on that will be explained in a future chapter. :)
Haha, I'm almost finished with chapter seven and I have a future, unnumbered chapter written, but I was dithering on whether to put this into the queue so much that it ended up being submitted eight minutes before the closure and was the last chapter the validators validated. Whoops... ♥
Thank you! (and I apologize in advance for chapter six!) Report Review
Hey there! I'm here from the review swap! Thanks for the lovely review!
Before I really go into the chapter, I loved how you described Fee as "flame-haired". It was a really creative way of saying red-haired. I also like that she looks like Lily Evans (with her green eyes) because the two are so different.
I loved all the little references to HP characters that I caught in there, like Kreacher, and Voldemort being friends with Fee, who seems to be in love with him. It really tied in what was a sort of singular event into the grand scheme of the plot of the HP novels. I also really liked how you mentioned that Orion had been forced to marry Walburga. It made me laugh that even then, no one like Sirius's mother.
I loved that mystery letter in the end! It was such a cliffhanger and definitely caught my attention! Really superb job on this chapter!
classicblackAuthor's Response: Haha yeah, for some reason "red-haired" just doesn't cut it for me. I love saying things like "flame-haired", "raven-haired", etc. It's so much more creative! XD
Oh, absolutely. I love the contrast between Fee and Lily! It just goes to show that it doesn't matter what you look like, personalities are always unique.
Thank you! I didn't want to create too many original characters, as I felt that would detract from the story. I know from the books that Kreacher is quite old, as he worked for the family during Sirius' childhood, so I thought it would make sense for him to be a new, young house-elf in 1945, which would make him 50 in OOTP. :)
We don't actually know that Orion feels forced to marry Walburga; that's from Fee's perspective. Alphard does believe that he thinks Orion does actually want to get married- whether that is to Walburga or to someone else is debatable. ;)
Thank you! The mystery letters will be featuring a lot in this story!
Happy writing to you too!
-Katie Report Review
Hellooo there! I choked a bit when I saw my name...er...penname in your dedication! Wow! Thank you so much for that :D
And things just keep getting more and more interesting with your story and characters. So many details about Fee's past being dropped in. You reveal character backstory very skillfully; there's no info-dumping and the story pacing has been very good so far. And Tom and Fee...aaahh I don't know how to describe them. There's so many lovely contrasts with their relationship - I mean there are some nice hot chocolate moments...and a few lines later they're both seriously making plans for world domination! I find them very darkly adorable, if such a description even makes sense :P Fiona's changed so much since the first chapter, or at least her character has been developed very well. I remember she was feeling all romantic about weddings back then...her motives are revealed so well, and did I mention the story pacing is just wonderful? There's always some new aspect of Fee's characterisation shown in each chapter.
I think you're also doing a great job in portraying Walburga's slow decline into alcoholism and instability. I'm probably going to dislike her a bit as your story goes on. And perhaps there might be more conflict between her and Fee...seeing that Fee's mentor is none other than Septimus Weasley, who married Cedrella on the same date as Walburga's own wedding. And that animosity shown by Septimus towards Fee was pretty unexpected...but it is exciting, and I'm curious to see how their work relationship will turn out.
Alright, well, this has been a really exciting chapter! Things are definitely picking up, and becoming more interesting, and the darker sides of the characters are being revealed, slowly :) I'm very glad you let me know about the update :) Do let me know again the next time you update; I tend to lose track of stories way too easily...
Great work and good luck with the coming chapters! And many hugs and thanks again for the lovely dedication :DDD
-tehAuthor's Response: Awww, it's no problem at all. Thank -YOU- for all of your lovely reviews! ♥
Thank you! Info-dumping is definitely one of my pet peeves, so I try to avoid it and I'm glad to see that I succeeded! I'm so glad that the story pacing is good; I was worried it might be going too slowly because we had two and a half chapters set on the same day...
Ahh, you wouldn't be the only one who ships Tom and Fee! I get feels about them while writing the story, and I'm the author who has control of their future. I know what happens in the next few chapters, and even -I'm- wishing I didn't. *whimpers*
Oh, I especially love that bit! I thought Fee was getting a bit too nice, so I decided to show more of her "Tommy side". I wanted to make it much more clearer -why- she and Tom are best friends. :D Darkly adorable is an oxymoron, so yes, it does make sense! I love that description!
With regard to Fee, I wanted to display her several sides. She tends to change personality depending on who she's around- the worried, comforting best friend to Walburga, the evil world dominator with Tom, the prankster with Alphard and I wanted to highlight that. In addition, the wedding was a good day (well, until Walburga lost the plot) and therefore Fee would have been in a good mood and rather contemplative. Yup, you did mention the story pacing already! I hope to continue that; I would love for Fiona Phoenix to be a mystery until the very end! XD
Thank you; I hope I manage to keep up this great job! Maybe, maybe not. :P Walburga will definitely be annoyed at Fee, but she finds herself in a vulnerable position. Shutting up now as I've said far too much already...
Conflict between Fee and Septimus?! Is the sky blue?! Is the grass green?! Yes, yes, YES! (Excuse the hyperactivity...) I don't think Septimus' animosity was unexpected though; he's a Gryffindor and she's a Slytherin and those Houses have never liked each other. Plus, she has connections to the pure-blood society, and he is a disowned blood traitor so it's highly doubtful that he would actually like her. I'm sure Roy Savage is curious too, wondering if they're going to survive putting up with each other for long periods of time...
Thank you! XD Not a problem at all, and I will! I have the same problem haha, I just tend to add them into my favourites and check every now and then. ;) But I -will- let you know.
Thank you! Many hugs to you too, and thanks again for your lovely reviews! ♥
-Katie Report Review
Hello! I meant to leave this review roughly ten minutes ago, but then I got called out of my room right as I finished reading the chapter. Isn't that always the way? So here I am now, typing up the review for you --it's rather ridiculous, how many times I checked yesterday and today to see if it had been posted yet! (And while I'm thinking about it, thank you so much for the dedication at the top!)
Ugh, Tom and Fee. ♥ Every chapter and I'm shipping them even more than I did in the previous one. I love, in a somewhat twisted way, how they both have such similar mindsets, similar goals -- even if those goals basically suck, if I may put it bluntly. They just seem really right for each other, and considering this is Lord Voldemort we're talking about, that's pretty huge. I know he can't really love, having been born under the influence of a love potion; I know he's more or less a sadist, and that anything he and Fee might have is doomed. But anyone who'll make a girl hot chocolate and patch up her hurts has some redeeming qualities, small as they might be.
Oh, Walburga. You are leading yourself into a dark hole, my friend, thinking those sorts of thoughts about alcohol. I think Fee's reasoning for not liking hospitals, though -- wow, that's so interesting. I'm loving all these little character details that are coming out! I want to know more about her past, and can't wait for it. Poor girl.
Snap. This Auror training partnership is either going to be a disaster (which I'm currently leaning towards) or a surprise, because Septimus and Fee both seem stubborn and set in their ways. I want to read more about it already! (I was happy to see Moody there too, by the way -- perfect little cameo for him, though I suspect he'll crop up again.)
I'm having such difficulties putting my thoughts into words. I just... you write so well! I can't think of another story I've followed recently where I've been so anxious to continue on. I want to know more about Fee, and her parents (and her not-so-dead mother), and her relationship with Tom, and her Auror training. I know I've kind of gushed about this story lately, but I honestly do love it, and cannot wait to read more of it! You're such a good writer, and I am making it my mission to make you remember, if only so you might satiate me with regular updates. :3
Honestly wonderful -- and now I'm sad again because I was so excited about this update, and now I've got to wait again! :D Please continue very soon! ♥Author's Response: Thank you! As you'll know from my comments on the forums, the feels from your review were just so indescribable! I can't put into words how lovely it is to see your oh-so-enthusiastic reviews! :D (And I totally sympathize with that feeling. I'm always being asked to make cups of tea at crucial moments in my fanfictions. Grrr.)
Tom and Fee. Every chapter nearer, and I get more terrified of chapter six. :') I get what you mean, and I agree- those goals do suck, but if they didn't we wouldn't be talking about Tom Riddle. (Side note: the whole idea of Fee being Minister was from a mention in DH where it says Piers Thicknesse (I think) was Imperiused to be Minister so Voldemort wouldn't need to show himself in the open. That made me wonder: what if there had been someone on Voldemort's side, who worked for the Ministry and was voted Minister because of her history as a "respectable" Auror? Someone who he wouldn't need to spend time controlling, thus actually giving him greater control over the country- I hope that makes sense- and the public couldn't do anything because they voted for that Minister? Yeah. Fee stole that plunnie.)
I know they're doomed and self-destructive and toxic. But the plunnies that I have for Tom and Fee give ME a case of major feels and I'm the author, haha!
Yup, I wanted to explore Walburga's descent into a world of drink and despair. She is absolutely leading herself into a dark hole, and her own husband is helping push her along the way.
I have a chapter written about Fee's past, and another two at least planned, but I just don't know where to put them. I'm considering chapter seven, but I think that would be a form of torture for the readers after six. Strangely, though, as I think on it, they do share a similar theme.
Haha! I know how the Auror training will end, but I don't know if they'll part as friends or enemies. A little tidbit to keep you going until chapter five: Fee loves to play mind games with Septimus.
Moody was perfect because I didn't want Fee to be the only protegee, and he was roughly the same age without a confirmed DOB that I could find, so I was quite happy to put him there. (Another side note: how are you able to read my mind?!)
SNAP. It's so hard to be able to answer all of your lovely comments because *sigh* they're so lovely. YOU are an amazing author, so it's a honour to hear that you think I write well! Seriously, all of your compliments are killing me. I'm dying right now. I'm dead. And I will update as best as I can, I promise! Chapters five and six have been written, chapter seven (may be moved to later in the story) is written, and chapter eight (or seven if the original seven is moved) is a work in progress. Factor in my other WIP and my one-shots, and I'm hoping to actually finish the story while my readers are halfway through it. :D
Awww, don't be sad. You've got this lovely review response to cheer you up! ;) I will, will, will absolutely continue! ♥ Report Review
Before I begin my review, I want to apologise for my tardiness. I've had a bit of a backup on my review threa. Anyway, here you go:
Firstly, I love your chapter image. It fits your chapter perfectly!
You did an excellent job with regards to your characterisation, especially of Walburga and Orion. They seemed to have a bit of an odd dynamic. I was a little confused as to if Orion truly loved Walburga, or if there was some other reason for their marriage.
The plot and flow were excellent. I must applaud you for your evidently extensive research. Most fanfiction writers just start writing, confident that they have retained every single fact from the books, and often have a multitude of inaccuracies. This chapter, on the other hand, seemed well-thought out and exceptionally accurate. You transitioned flawlessly from one event to the next, and jumping right into the action captured my attention immediately.
I just had one minor question after reading this chapter: when does it take place? Have they graduated Hogwarts? Or are they still in school?
Lovely job!Author's Response: Thank you! :D
Oooh thank you! Yup, Nala's images are gorgeous! ♥
That's uncertain to everyone except Orion himself; hence Fee's thoughts about whether he might have motives. At the same time, Alphard does see in Orion a desire to get married, so the question of whether Orion loves Walburga would, I believe, be answered differently depending on which character you ask. ;)
Thank you for that; I did try to keep it as accurate as possible although I keep thinking something's going to go wrong, haha! :') Awww, my transition was flawless! Thank you so much! And I'm glad that this chapter captured your attention! :D
In the summary, I do mention that it has been two weeks, three days, seventeen hours and forty-two minutes since they've graduated Hogwarts. I don't have a particular date in mind but I'll say July 1945. (Technically, depending on when in July they graduated, it could be August but I much prefer July.)
Thank you! :) Report Review
Hey, sorry I'm a bit late with your promised review.
I really liked this story. I've never been that big fan of Tom Riddle stories as I often find them to be unbelievable and inaccurate. The fact that you researched and wrote about the canon characters birth dates, shows me that this story is really accurate.
I think Fee is characterized really well. She is behaving like a Black or someone of an old pureblood family might behave. I liked the reference to Kreacher and I felt that the way that Fee reprimanded him, was exactly the way that she would have behaved. Yet Fee isn't horrible, she's nice and she's an interesting character to read about as she is quite complex. And the bit about the locket from Tom, I thought was really interesting and I wanted to know more.
It was a bit unclear as what year this story is set in or if they are still at Hogwarts? I'm guessing that they have graduated. I found Walburga quite an interesting character, especially as she has a drinking problem - I'd always thought that it would be Orion with a drinking problem.
I thought that it was a bit odd that Orion would send Alphard to spy on Walburga and Fee. After all Walburga is Alphard's brother so it seems to me that he would probably suspect or know that she had a drinking problem.
As I was reading, it seemed to me like Orion was older than Alphard and often bossed him around. I think that it would be more likely if Alphard was the one who bossed Orion around as Alphard is older than Orion.
I found one thing that I think contrasted a bit with canon. It was when Fee was tying Alphard's tie. As they are the Black family, I find it rather unbelievalbe that they would wear ties. They would most likely frown upon and scorn Muggle clothing. I think that they would never dare wear Muggle clothing, but they wear robes. At Bill and Fleur's wedding everyone wore really fancy dress robes, so I would imagine that it would be the same at Black wedding, but probably even fancier.
That was the only that seemed out of place, though. I found no spelling or grammatical errors and the whole story flowed really nicely.
CharlieAuthor's Response: Hi Charlie! No worries- better late than never, isn't it?
Thank you for all of your lovely comments! Yes, the research was to ensure canon-compliance, although I did switch a few things around. The locket from Tom may or may not be of significance. Only time will tell on that one. ;)
I did mention in the summary that it's the summer that they graduate from Hogwarts. I felt that it would be Walburga who had the drinking problem, as it would explain her unbalanced nature. It would also explain how in the books she is described as looking much older than she actually is.
It states in the chapter that Orion sent Alphard to spy on Walburga to discover Walburga's true thoughts about Orion (did she consider him a gentleman, a good prospective husband or not, etc) and not about her alcoholism. Indeed, there's also a mention that the alcohol problem is something that is growing, and not already established. ;)
I do mention in the summary that while Orion is canonically younger than Walburga and Alphard, I can't imagine a pure-blood wizard from a "practically royal" family and so I altered his age so that he was born in 1919 and not 1929. This makes him older than Alphard, at least in this story. :)
I've never actually seen the DH movies, as I wanted to watch them together and not wait months for the second part, but I have seen the GoF movie and the torso part of the mens' dress robes are quite similar to Muggles'. I certainly noticed ties and bow ties being worn by wizards wearing dress robes. We also know ties exist in the wizarding world considering that they're a part of the Hogwarts school uniform. ;)
I really appreciate all of your comments though and I'm glad that you took the time to review! :)
-Katie Report Review
So i came this way first for the review swap but also because TenthWeasley has told me that your writing is rather good to which I can say that it is! I really found this chapter to be absolutely wonderful and thought that you managed to capture the Black family really well! I also enjoyed the tone of voice that you've used in this and the wording, keeping it to be a slightly older time of writing really made this piece stand out. I loved the description in this as well! I'm so interested to find out what will happen next and how exactly Tom will come into play in this story. The green eyed monster is not a fun friend thats for sure and to have it over Tom Riddle makes it worse! I only hope that things can turn out ok for them all! The letter at the end also brings up questions, who wrote it and what exactly do they mean in the letter? I thought this was a great beginning! Great Job!
~Slytherinchica08~Author's Response: Thank you for all those lovely compliments! :D
Oh, absolutely! Tom and Alphard really won't get along, especially as this is Tom Riddle we're talking about. ;) I'd love for things to turn out okay for them all, but unfortunately we all know how the canon ends up...
The letters will become more specific as the story goes on, and the author will remain anonymous for most of the story. I'm glad that you liked this beginning; I hope you enjoy the future chapters too! :D Report Review
I have returned! And now, of course, I have no more chapters to read, which makes me quite sad. I demand updates!
This is very much how I imagine a reception for a Black family wedding would go; I know I've said it in every review thus far, but I want to compliment you once again on how you're writing their family. I've never before read a story that really dives into them like you do, and moreover, gets it so right. This is how pureblood families work, I daresay -- all the little family intricacies and gossiping.
Tom helped Fee up from the floor! I ship them already. Is that allowed? Am I even supposed to be shipping them? I don't know, but it's already happening, so fair warning. :3 I think one of the most interesting things about her thus far is the fact that she fits right in with the Blacks, if that makes sense. Most people, when facing a similar task of merging an original character with purebloods, seem to think that blood purity ideals somehow escape these OCs and they're on a higher plane than their friends. Fee's not like this -- she's much more realistic.
Aaand now I have no more chapters to read. Which definitely means that you should update soon! I'm really enjoying this story still, and look forward to the fourth chapter with much anticipation. You're a very talented writer!Author's Response: *waves a wand and grants request*
I'm dying a thousand times over at all of your compliments. Yes, I know. It wouldn't be a Black family wedding without drama and hysterics, and I just find them so intriguing. Although I'm getting nervous now on posting the next few chapters, and I desperately hope they'll be as well received as the three that are already up!
HAHA! You're allowed to ship whoever you want -a lot of people ship Dramione and that's hardly canon -but I just want to remind you that Tom = Lord Voldemort. Just a fair warning for chapter six. ;) *ducks tomatoes when you work out chapter six won't be up until after the staff vacation*
I didn't think a Slytherin would be accepted by the Blacks if they didn't share the same beliefs. So to have Fee as someone like Sirius, for example, I might as well just have written an AU fanfiction. And I think I've already mentioned my newfound canon obsession. :P
I'm a very talented writer?! I know I keep saying this, but coming from you, this is amazing. Thank you!! ♥ Report Review
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