Reading Reviews for When Lightning Strikes
1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by hannnahgracr Chapter One

23rd November 2012:
So sorry it has taken me so long to review!

First paragraph is an amazing opening. I found it intense (in a very good way) and the way you introduced the plot was magnificent. Wonderful first paragraph, really made me want to read on.

Remember to double and maybe even triple check for spelling errors/typos. There wasn't many but I juts thought I'd point it out.

Some of the dialogue is a bit disjointed and not as believable as it could be. Maybe try saying it out loud and think if you can actually imagine someone saying it.

Very dramatic ending, certainly made me want to read on.

I think maybe you rushed the plot a tiny bit, I'm not sure what else you've got planned for the future. But I maybe would have left the kidnapping of Lily until at least the 2nd chapter, just to build up to it more.

Also I think you rushed a bit with the chapter by just introducing so many characters all at once, I know almost all Harry Potter fans are familiar with them but it was a bit much. You maybe could have filled the chapter out with a bit more descriptions here and there.

Overall I thought it was a really good chapter and I certainly would read more of this story. I hope you found this review helpful.

Author's Response: This was really helpful!! I think I'm going to edit the first chapter before I start the second one. Thank you for your input!! :)

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