6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MissesWeasley123 Back to the Grindstone

30th December 2013:
Hi! I'm here from the 12 Days of Reviewing form the forums! I better hurry up and snag first review on this chapter! I'm also sorry for not reviewing the previous two chapters, but those were also really good. I loved chapter 2, but this was fabulous as well.

First of all, I love your characterization of Rose in this! She seems like such fun! Her family seems pretty awesome as well. One of the things that did irk me was this:

Mother rolled her eyes, "Really, Rose? It looks like you've been out partying all night."

This was weird because you would think that even though Hermione is rather pompous and know-it-all-y, she's still Hermione and I found it weird that Rose would refer to her as "Mother" in her internal dialogue. I know she still calls her "mum", but "Mother" seemed like a bit too much for me. That would be the only CC I would have for you, along with perhaps working on your dialogue tags and where to place your commas and things. There's a thread at the forums that teaches you all about punctuation. Also, some Americanisms were spotted, just remember your "U"s in stuff like labour ;)

Hugo's great, and really funny as well. I think your descriptions are great too, and I thought Alice and Frank were very sweet. Great work!

Author's Response: Thank you! I am really glad that you liked it! I will def look into those little fixes. Thank you so much for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed my Rose.

 Report Review

Review #2, by 800 words of heaven Surviving Holiday Breaks with Family part 1

28th September 2013:
Hello! Here from Slytherin review tag!

I know, I know. I should be reading Scorpius, Scorpius instead, especially after the giant fit I threw at only one chapter being in existence in my review. I just felt like reading something else written by you, especially as you've got so many stories from which to choose. I was spoilt for choice!

Three paragraphs in, and I'm already beginning to like Rose. Using the first person makes this story all the more personal, which I love, by the way, because it feels as if I'm having a conversation with her. Also, Rose already seems like a fully fleshed-out character, flaws and all, and seems rather relateable.

I also really like Albus. He seems like a lot of fun, and also very relateable, the little I've seen of him. I'm looking forward to getting to know him better.

Oh, my goodness! I can't wait for more Scorpius! He seems like a bloke I could learn to love!

This is a fantastic start. I'm looking forward to seeing where you're going to take these characters. They all seem very relateable and down-to-earth, which is a refreshing change from Next Gen characters being just shy of Greek-gods-and-goddesses-type-perfection. Awesome chapter one!

Author's Response: Thank you thank you! Your review makes me happy about the story! I... yay! :D

 Report Review

Review #3, by AlexFan Surviving Holiday Breaks with Family part 1

9th September 2013:
Holy moly, that is one long story title, that's for sure. I'm having trouble remembering it!

This was a short first chapter but it's a pretty interesting start to a story because it gets right down to the action and pulls the reader into the story and makes them want to read more. I certainly want to know what's going to happen at this party.

Now I hate to do this but there were just a couple of things that stood out to me. One of them was how fast this chapter was. The speed of it was quick and everything moved along fast, there wasn't all that much description and just as I felt like I'd gotten a grasp on the family relationship everything started to happen. Basically what I'm trying to say is that everything felt rushed.

Starting a story off with action is great and can really pull people in but it's important that you don't rush things and take time to give people an image in their head of what's going on and how everything is set up.

There's just one thing that I noticed here and that was this sentence that said We looked at each other, mortified. I think the word that you were going for was horrified instead of mortified but that could've just been a typo.

There wasn't much about Scorpius in the story but from the little of him that you did show I found him funny and I could definitely see the Draco Malfoy in him, especially when he said “You should be, I just got this jumper.” It sounded like such a Malfoy thing to say and you could immediately tell by just that sentence that Scorpius was rich and maybe even a little bit spoiled.

Anyway, for a start to a story this was definitely an interesting one!

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I am working on slowly introducing everybody, but I'm glad you like the Scorpius. I will def look at it, thank you. :D

 Report Review

Review #4, by AriesGirl40 Surviving Holiday Breaks with Family part 2: The Party

6th February 2013:
I think I would hide out in the kitchen too if my cousin made me fo in my Jam Jam's. lol

Author's Response: lol me too

 Report Review

Review #5, by slayground Surviving Holiday Breaks with Family part 1

5th February 2013:

Hello there! My name's Molly, and guess I'll just start off by saying that I love next-gen fics. But every time I read a next gen fic my review starts with the same warning - don't allow it to get cliche. Not saying that you've done so, because this was really quite cute, but with Scorose especially, next-gen fanfiction can tend to fall into a very limited amount of categories, and sometimes they all begin to seem like the same fic, which makes them a bit less interesting to read.

Again, I'm not saying that you've done this. Your characterization of Rose was quite nice, and Albus was funny, but when writing a fic like this it tends to be almost a guarantee that it could become overdone, so just always remember to stay unique ;)

Now to your story in particular - I'll say it once more, Rose was really very cute. I like seeing spunky, sassy Rose that gets written often, the fiery redhead who is so often reminiscent of her aunt, but sometimes I think that that can be, again, overdone. So I love the Rose that you've written, still with that bit of Weasley attitude, but very much like her mother and a little more toned down. It's a refreshing change, and something that, to me, makes the Scorose pairing more believable. Another reason why I could never believe Draco and Ginny as a ship - they were too volatile and simply didn't make sense. And that can happen with Scorose when Rose is that touch too angry/snarky/whatever, so I quite liked this version of her.

On to minor details. This was, for the most part, mistake free, so I commend you on that! I'm terrible at proofreading my fics for grammar and things like that, so I always commend an author who is able to make everything so much neater and easier to read XD Now, this might be me just being super picky, but I'd go back and fix the spacing of your paragraphs. Double spacing is always good, but the extra amounts of distance between each line of dialogue made it sort of difficult to follow, and at parts felt a touch disjointed. Just a suggestion, of course ;)

So, in summary; just watch for cliches, because they can sneak up on you, and I hate to see a great and unique next-gen fic being convoluted by overdone plot lines, cheesiness, etc. Keep up the good work with Rose's characterization, and (I don't think I mentioned this) Al and Scor as well. Al was super cute, and even though Scor only had one line it made me laugh XD Just like his father, the poor thing. Finally, maybe just touch up the spacing if you want, but feel free to ignore me otherwise - again, just a suggestion, and a personal preference, nothing more.

Well done!

xx Molly

Author's Response: Thank you so much. I try to do my best to keep it unique but with all of the other ScoRoses out there it does make it a tough job lol. Any way thank you so much for the review! :D

 Report Review

Review #6, by AriesGirl40 Surviving Holiday Breaks with Family part 1

13th November 2012:
So far, I like it. I like Scorpius's sense of humor. He uses what people expect from him as a joke. I paid alot of money for that unicorn milk, and you spilt it, now I'm going to have to hire more confirmed virgins to aquire some more. Love it!

See you next chapter!

Author's Response: Lol, thanks so much! I'll get on it. :D

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login