I really enjoyed this chapter. The tension and emotion was tangible; you could feel it though the words and the descriptions.
Narcissa's vision and understanding was spot on. Her life has taken a turn for the worst when the two people she loves most dearly have engaged into something that is much bigger than them and where they will be considered objects, replacable and disposable.
Bellatrix was also very well presented. You managed to give her just the right amount of craziness without falling into the cliche.
I'm not a big Katy Perry fan so I didn't know this song but simply reading the lyrics you chose, it fitted perfectly with your story, the mood as well and the rythm of your writing. The parts where there was lyrics didn't break the flow of your chapter so, great job!
Definitly a nice chapter, perfectly dark and dramatic, just like I like them :)Author's Response: Hey there, I'm glad you liked it.
Thank you for the review and I'm glad you think the lyrics fit! :) Report Review
Hello! We're onto chapter number two! I loved that you wrote about what happened to Neville after the war ended! And you picked perfect lyrics to go with the chapter! I loved how well they fit together! The moment between Neville and his Gran was really sweet, as was the moment between him and Luna. You really captured the happiness of the end of the war, while keeping the sadness over the losses that everyone suffered.
There were some grammar notes that I noticed, so I thought I'd let you know if you want to go back and look at them.
"There was new faces turning up, presumably to find there loved ones who had came to fight." should be "there were new faces turning up, presumably to find their loved ones who had come to fight."
"tears has never went well with him." should be "tears had never went well with him"
"Neville could feel his face hotting up" should be "Neville could feel his face heating up"
And then at the end, you switch from third person point of view to first person point of view. You want to stick with one or the other so it's not confusing!
Other than that the chapter was really, really good! Even if it was a bit short, the pace was excellent, and it didn't feel rushed. Good work! 9/10
Cassie :)Author's Response: Hey there!
Yay, again I'm glad you think the lyrics fit, that is my main worry.
Thanks for pointing out the CC, I'll go back and edit it when I have the time!
Thanks for the review! ;) Report Review
Hello! This was the first sing fic I've ever read, and I quite liked it! I think you picked really nice lyrics to go with the chapter!
I really enjoyed this, it was really interesting to read Narcissa's thoughts before going to Spinner's End to see Snape, because I've always wondered about that. I think you wrote both Narcissa and Bellatrix really well, and they were very much in canon. Your descriptions were also really nice to read. I could picture everything happening, especially in the first part of the chapter when you talked about the cream sofa.
There were a few grammar things I noticed, though, but they can easily be fixed.
When you say women, it should be woman if you're talking about a single person.
"On this particular night her and Lucius were stood with the Dark Lord" should be "On this particular nigh, she and Lucius stood with the Dark Lord"
"She had to stop listing to him, stop following his stupid irresponsible actions and protect her and Draco." should be "She had to stop listing to him, stop following his stupid irresponsible actions, and protect herself and Draco."
Those were the only things I really noticed. I thought this story had a good flow and pace to it, and it was really enjoyable to read! 9/10
Cassie :)Author's Response: Hey, I'm glad you thought the lyrics fit, I wasn't too sure!
Thanks for the CC, I'll go back and edit when I get the time!
I'm glad you liked it and thanks for the review! :) Report Review
hullloo, sorry about the slight time lapse in getting your review! This is a really interesting moment of the Potterverse that I've never really considered before - obviously well aware of the Spinner's End debacle and the conversation in it, but it's never crossed my mind what exactly the two sister must have been saying to each other before this whole thing happened... and I've spent a lot of time thinking about HP so it was nice to come across something fresh and original.
My only comment would be that in my view Pureblood women - more so Narcissa than Bellatrix - would be far more reserved. Obviously its a very tense point in time that you've caputred, and Bella certainly isn't... but I don't imagine Narcissa telling Bella that much of her opinion and instead Bella working it out and yelling at her a bit. But it was a great read and a lovely essay break.
-ACAuthor's Response: Hey there, sorry about the wait!
I'm glad you think it's an original idea, i've just often found myslef wondering what happened then so I decided to write about it.
I never considered that before, but I can see where you're coming from and I'm going to go back over the scene and change it a bit so thanks for telling me. :)
Thanks for the review and sorry again it was late! Report Review
Ever here with your review!
I'm currently having a debate with myself as to whether or not the song fits. The first time I read it I thought the lyrics specifically that you used did fit. But after rereading it I'm second-guessing myself. I think that a Katy Perry song, no hate but, doesn't seem aproppriate for such a dire situation. But then again, having never heard the song myself until after I read this ( I had to look it up:3 ) it doesn't truly matter because the only lyrics that you actually took from the song do fit? I don't know, to be honest. So, no, I don't think the song fits. But I do think those specific lyrics do.
To be perfectly candid, I think this story would be even better without the lyrics from the song. But that's just me! But considering this was for a challenge that specifically required lyrics I suppose you had to!
I adore Lucius and Narcissa and I also adored your take on Narcissa! I love that she wasn't portrayed as a helpless, opinionless victim who merely hid behind her husband and let her son be thrown to the mercy/fate/whatever else that could harm Draco!
EverAuthor's Response: Hey there and sorry about the wait!
Yeah, I know what you mean. I wasn't totally sure about the lyrics but I jsut couldn't for the life of me think of something else to put. Thanks for your opinion though, and I'm glad you like how I potrayed Narcissa. I'd never wrote about her so I was quite nervous.
Thanks again for reviewing! :) Report Review
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