If we could use emoticons in reviews mine would be :wub:! This was just so adorable, and caught the Weasley-Delacour home life perfectly.
I never see Louis at all in fan fiction which makes me sad so I was glad to see him here! Dom and Victoire were also perfect, and I can just imagine the chaos they must have been causing in that household.
I loved the French, and I always imagined that in their household the children would be able to understand/speak it, so that line from Fleur was lovely!
Aw this was a lovely fully one-shot and just what I needed :D
-Kiana!Author's Response: Hi my dear!
I had so much fun writing this story, so your review was lovely to recieve -- I like when people like reading my stories as much as I liked writing them :)
Ah, Louis is my new favourite Next Gen. Him, Victoire and Dom are very much inspired from myself and my siblings, so yes, I can tell you that they did wreak a lot of havoc in the house!
Thank you Kiana :) Report Review
I just read something that was super dark (but amazing), so this is a nice little palate-cleanser. Glad I chose it!
Oh my gosh, so cute! I love the little Delacour-Weasleys. It's funny to picture Victoire picking on her baby brother and sister, and to imagine Dominique and Louis working together. I liked the ending, too, with Louis enjoying his pudding while spiteful Victoire doesn't get any after dinner. Your characterization was just spot on for everyone. And your French! Between this and Reason to Fight, I'm assuming that you took some classes. Otherwise, that requires some serious researching dedication.
The flow is great, especially for an early-morning-hours creation. I love how I could easily picture every moment, like it was a movie unfolding in front of me. I keep coming back to the image of the door falling open and Fleur's body, hands on hips, blocking out some of the light.
Nice work, Val, and thanks for the swap :)
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Victoire is such a sour child child, haha. Picking on younger siblings is part of big sister contract!
Actually, French is my mother tongue, so no, I didn't take classes. It's one of the reasons I like writing Fleur, because I understand how she'd feel having to parallel both languages.
Thank you for the review, I love swapping with you :) Report Review
Ooh! What a nice Louis Weasley story you got here! I love the concept of Louis being fascinated by bubbles. When I was three, I was rather afraid of bubbles if anything and even now, I still dislike them.
I thought you characterised Louis really well and the thoughts of his young mind were very spot on. They weren't too babyish or too serious, just perfect someone in his age.
Victoire kind of reminded me of myself as I used to do that to my younger brother too! Though, I don't exactly get him giving the cat a bath or anything as mean as that!
This was a a nice happy story and I enjoyed reading it! I was smiling all the way through! Great job! ♥
87th review out of 100Author's Response: Aw, but bubbles are cool! (Except when they pop against your face and you get soapy water in your eye, but that's a different matter).
Victoire is kind of based off the things I used to do to my brother, I think it must be an older-sibling obligation. It's part of our contract.
I was smiling the whole way through your review, so thank you :) Report Review
Hey, this story was great; such a little kid thing to do! It was so funny and cute, you did a really good job of writing it! well done!
~CharAuthor's Response: Hi! Thank you very much :) I loved writing this one-shot Report Review
Heya! Perelandra here!
Ugh, so sorry that I've taken FOREVER to come and give you the review you wanted. :( But with the site's server going down, the holidays...I forgot! But I'm here, though! And I'm ready to review this!
The first paragraph made me laugh hard. I remember pulling the same thing is Victoire with my sister. He sounds like such a sweetie! As I kept reading his train of thought, the more I wanted to reach into the chapter is bring him out to cuddle him! Haha, my ovaries are thinking for me right now! XD
I think you have a small typo. "What tan I do to help you now, Domi?" Is 'tan' suppose to be 'can'?
I'm not 100% sure considering that you have it a few more times. However, Louis' speech doesn't sound too childish for him to be saying 'tan' here and there. Perhaps changing his speech a bit?
revealing an angry looking Fleur by calling her 'Fleur' it kinda broke the flow you had from Louis' perspective. If you were to change it to 'maman' it would sounds better. Personal opinion, though!
The last few lines made me giggle!!
Overall this was such a cute story!!! :D Thanks for letting me read it. :)
--RosieAuthor's Response: I'm the one who has taken forever, so no need to apologise!
Well, as awkward as this sounds, if your ovaries are thinking for you, that means I've achieved my objective of writing an adorable Louis.
This is probably the strangest sentence I've ever typed out.
That isn't a typo, but seeing as it's been pointed out a few times I think I'll edit it and change it to 'can'.
Using Fleur instead of Maman was an attempt to change point of view without blatantly screaming !!!FLEUR'S POINT OF VIEW!!!
I should be the one thanking you for leaving such a sweet review once more :) Report Review
This was brilliant! Such a cute and funny one shot, I really loved how Louis acted and thought, you made it sound exactly how I imagine a young child to think and talk, and bless both him and Dom wanting to get more pudding.
Such a fantasticly written one shot :D It was such a joy to read.Author's Response: Aww, thank you! I loved writing this so much, it really makes me happy that people enjoyed reading it too! :) Report Review
Hahaha for the life of me I couldn't figure out what you were talking about with your bottom translation. I think my mind just automatically translated it so it took me a right minute!
It also took me a right minute to get here! But I'm here now, and here's a round of applause for participating! I was really impressed, and I apologize for the wait.
I love the situation, it was adorable! Kids are really fun to write about and I loved that this situation wasn't something I expected. The winners will be posted tonight!Author's Response: Haha, sorry about that! Site rules are site rules :)
I loved participating in your challenge, so I've got a round of applause for you for making me write this!
I await the results with impatience.
NOTE- I liked that you mentioned Padma Patil. :) Victoire and Dom were quite nice too, but I'm in love with Louis!Author's Response: I love Louis too! And Padma Patil, well, don't you just love alliteration? :) Report Review
LOUIS LOUIS LOUIS!! How did you make him so CUTE dear?? Author's Response: Teehee, I remembered my brother as a three-year old and watched a Disney movie, it's fluff-inducing :) Report Review
I saw Louis and I had to click and, ah, it was way cuter than I imagined it would be. I just wanted to hug him - well, I want to hug Louis in pretty much any story I read because I love him, but even more so here. He's so adorable.
I love Victoire is the troublemaker, being the oldest and all, and that they willingly go along with it because that's what kids do when older siblings tell them things (I know, I am an older sibling :P).
I really enjoyed reading this. :)
Sam.Author's Response: Louis is huggable (?) in nearly every story, except when he behaves like some conceited Veela child. YOU'RE ONLY ONE EIGTH VEELA, YOU STUPID BOY.
Anyway, feel free to hug away!
Youngest siblings always follow older siblings, until they realise they are being manipulated, and then the reign of the eldest is over. It's a pity really, and I can say this as an older sibling who has lost her influence...
Thank you for, once again, your wonderful review, Sam! :) Report Review
Hullo there Val!
So this was so cute that I nearly died. Honestly, washing cats in cupboards and being a bottle and a really young Louis was just cute cute cute cute cute.
I thought you sustained his young narration really way throughout and I could well believe the age you had down for him, especially as pudding for a motivation and Victoire as the piece's villainous siblings (there's always one). I've always thought that Dom/Louis would get on much better than the other pair, so this was almost entirely in line with my head canon.
There was one mistake here What tan I do to help you now, Domi? . Just a little typo, but I thought I'd point it out so you can fix it up :)
Lovely little one shot and I really really enjoyed it! Thanks for writing something so sugary sweet and lovely :D
-ACAuthor's Response: I had a complete fangirl moment when I saw your review on this story -- the embarrassing, ohmygodTHEacrulesreviewedmystory kind of moment, but anyway.
Thank you for this review, it means much more than you can imagine! :)
As for the mistake, it was actually voluntary, seeing as Louis is only 3, so I'm not sure if I'll leave it there or not, but in any case thanks for pointing it out! Report Review
After reading the description I just had to review this story, and I'm VERY glad I did! This has made my whole day better, it was just THAT CUTE. I MIGHT DIE FROM HOW ADORABLE THIS WAS. I nee dto give Louis a few virtual hugs through the computer screen -hugs screen-.
The distinction you created between the three children - Dom, Louis and Victoire - was actually incredibly good, especially as you were narrating as a three-year-old. Each of them had a very obvious character and it was really lovely to read as well as very funny and did I mention ADORABLE? You captured the tone of a toddler so well!
And Victoire tried to send Louis to Santa via owl?! Oh that's just genius.
-Annon :)Author's Response: GO, HUG LOUIS! IT'S GOOD FOR THE SOUL!
You may have mentioned adorable, yes...
And yes, Victoire did try to send poor Louis by owl.
THANK YOU FOR THIS REVIEW :) Report Review
Oh yes, especially little blonde boys, Louis. Hee, already such a cute start, choosing favorites between sisters.
I really commend good writing of children, because it's so hard to get the innocence and humor right without sounding too silly. The pudding had been difficult to wash out of his hair and Maman had not been happy, but it was still a delicious pudding, and Louis still loved Dominique very much. There's something about his train of thought that is spot on xD Pudding! Delicious! Still loves Dominique!
Omg this totally reminds me of my childhood. My sister would make me do things, /me/ of course, so she doesn't have to do them. She supervises and insists they are good ideas for the good of the world. Also: Padma Patil's Particularly Powerful Powder Soap Alliterative win!
He tried to remember how many fingers twelve made, but he had forgotten. Wah, more cute :3
THE QUEST TO CLEAN THE CAT Heee, and it all comes to this. Oh dear, an old brush used to clean the toilets discarded on the floor OF COURSE IT WAS. Poor Mimi! Ah well, Victoire gets her due. More pudding for Louis and Dominique!
That was absolutely adorable! :DAuthor's Response: GINA HOW DO I ANSWER THIS, CAN YOU TELL ME?
Haha, I was never in your situation of being convinced by an older sibling to do something they didn't want to do. It was the other way around -- I gave the orders!
HEEE YOU NOTICED THE TOILET BRUSH QUOTE. Yes, of course it was. It had to. The laws of fanfiction are impossible to sway.
Thank you for this awesome review! Report Review
Hahaha, Victoire. The perfect punishment. What a sour little girl, doing that to her little brother and sister! Someone clearly would have preferred to remain an only child.
What a funny story. XD Of course it would be Fleur who would want to keep her children looking immaculate, while Bill lets them run wild in the mud. I'm assuming that Bill is not the one to clean up said mud messes, and Fleur is. It's easy to be generous when you're not the one mopping the floors for days!
Poor little Louis, getting scratched up by the cat. He deserved every bite of that pudding. It's so cute that Fleur let him have three helpings, that extra dessert Victoire promised him when she gave the young, impressionable Louis some very bad advice about giving a bath to a cat, of all things. I'm just imagining Victoire pouting in the corner while Dom and Louis sit there in their warm pajamas, pudding smeared all over their grinning faces while they gloat to their older sister. I'm just wondering how Mimi will get her revenge. XDAuthor's Response: Victoire would probably have preferred staying an only child, but I think that's part of any eldest sibling's contract!
As for mud messes, it is indeed Fleur who cleans up (of course).
And Mimi... Hmm. Mimi will pout for a few days, and hide from Louis, but she'll come around eventually. She's not a cat that holds grudges.
(I can't believe I just said that. It sounds worse out of my head.)
Thank you for the review!
:) Report Review
Aw, this was so cute!
Seriously, I was just smiling the whole way through this because Louis was absolutely ADORABLE! I love the way you wrote his point of view-he sounded exactly as a three year old should, and I lurved the references to James' toy broomstick, Uncle Charlie and Teddy's treehouse!
Everything in this one shot just flowed beautifully-you have a real knack for writing!
Courtney:)Author's Response: Thank you, your review made me smile like a fool! :)
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas Report Review
Hi it's wytchkitty13 from the Holiday review swap :)
LOL That was so cute and funny! First let me just say this had the whole 'warm fuzzy feel' that I like.
I think Louis is adorable in this story. Afraid of the broom cupboard and Dominique is trying to help him.
Ohhh The poor cat getting put into the bath but Victoire was so mean telling them to do it. Aww poor Louis got scratched but he'll be ok :)
It's good that Fleur punished Victiore. No pudding for you young lady :p
I enjoyed this cute little story :DAuthor's Response: Poor cat indeed - I was particularly gleeful about writing that though!
Thank you for the review, and merry Christmas :) Report Review
Hello! As I sit here smiling like an idiot, I'd like to start my review with an apology! I'm incredibly sorry I've taken such a long time to come over here. Nano was destructive this time.
But anyway... I absolutely loved every tiny bit of this! I've been developing a relentless fondness for stories from the point of view of children. They're the perfect model of innocent and diabolical coexisting without having one overpower the other. I think you've shown that here as to how Louis starts out by thinking Victoire is evil, then he's led to believe that perhaps she isn't as horrible of an older sister as he initially believed, then he enjoys getting extra pudding because Victoire is punished and can't have any.
Which brings me to another aspect I admire! It really is such an effective system most of the time -desserts and children. I think that even when we grow up that remains but we try to act cool about it, which I expect how Victoire would react.
Speaking of which, I was really hoping we'd get to see how Victoire would take to all this. Would she laugh or try to defend herself and say that she never told her siblings any such thing? It would've been interesting to see her in the flesh rather than have her bully attitude merely mentioned. But maybe that's just me. And it's just a minimal thing, and the story is truly enjoyable.
I admire your Fleur a lot as well! I like how she just burst into French when she saw them! I wasn't quite sure how much they've grasped of it even though I'd expect them to speak French, but I do believe that fury is understandable in whichever language, and a child caught in the crime scene would rush into justification no matter how you approach the matter. So that scene felt incredibly natural and I really, really liked it.
The pace at which you were going was great and I loved how you paid attention to details without making it overwhelming for a child. Your description was, to me, sufficient.
I think this is the loveliest Louis story I've come across yet, and you've made all the elements here work together perfectly to generate a story that is simple, believable, and absolutely beautiful. I'm getting very nostalgic the more I think about it.
Well done and thank you so much for requesting!
-MannoAuthor's Response: I wish I could make my response nearly as long as your review, but, sadly, that won't be the case, because I just do not know how to deal with compliments!
I think Victoire /would/ have tried to lie the story off, but Fleur isn't stupid, and would have seen right through it, especially with the idea that it's not the first time Victoire does this to her siblings.
Just a theory, I'm honestly not sure, but it's food for the thought!
Thank you so much for this lovely review :) Report Review
Oh goodness, you've just melted my heart. I've read a few challenge pieces for this entry, and it's awesome to see how many different situations people have come up with!
Side note: sorry this review has taken forever.
Anyway, this was absolutely heart melting. I liked that Victoire was a bit of a bully, because I think most older sisters are. Dominique also felt natural as well as Louis. I liked your narration style, it matches the thought process and decision making ability of a three year old very well :P.
And poor Mimi! Just an innocent cat in this whole mess, haha!
You did a nice job with subtle hints regarding Bill and Fleur. I especially enjoyed the line about Bill sometimes letting them play in the mud and Fleur being unhappy when they got messy. It made absolute sense and helped add more depth to the story. Then when Fleur did discover her children, she wasn't the terrible mother I've seen her made out to be (which I hate). She was able to find the humor in the situation and I loved that.
The only thing I missed in this was some kind of inclusion of Victoire, even if it was just her snickering behind her Maman's back when the younger two were caught. Obviously it may have been impossible to include her, so that isn't meant to be anything negative in regards to this piece. Clearly I was just greedy for more ;)
Good luck on the challenge!Author's Response: Note: sorry this response has taken even longer than forever!
Poor Mimi indeed, I felt terrible for her. (Once I was done snickering at her expense, I'll admit.)
You liked my Fleur? *flails* Coming from you -- because your Fleur is absolutely stunning -- that means much more than I can explain in a civilised way.
I could have included Victoire, and I considered it, but I think that seen through Louis' eyes she wouldn't have made sense, because he wouldn't understand the full extent of what she did to him. If that makes sense?
I made it to second place :) Report Review
This was very funny and enjoyable! I thought you did a fantastic job ;)
XD DrunaforeverAuthor's Response: Thank you very much! :) Report Review
I think this was really good. I loved the idea of two really young siblings trying to wash a cat with cleaning products. It was really fun, though I feel bad for the cat. :P At least it had milk later.Author's Response: I feel bad for the cat too, poor thing... Thank you for the review :) Report Review
I really like how you wrote this story. I love the characterisation of Louis, including typical traits of a three year old, such as having a favourite sibling and being afraid of the dark.
I also liked how easy this was to read, it's not too heavy of a chapter and vocabulary is chosen really well, in a way that means you don't get bogged down with the text but your point gets across.
I also really like the portrayal of Fleur and her burst of french and the fact that Louis calls her "maman." I think this story is a adorable and written faultlessly.Author's Response: Thank you for all the compliments! I was so worried Louis would be too baby-like. I'm glad you liked this :) And, of course, thank you for the review! Report Review
Straight off: this was not terrible, at all!
You did a really sweet job with creating the world in which little Louis lives. Favourite sister, nasty sister, pudding, bubbles, uncles, cousins, bathtime, cake. Love it!
I loved the little hints at the lives the other children are leading, and at the way they interact, such as Teddy's treehouse, and Louis's envy of James's broom. I also loved the little mention of Fleur and Bill's different parenting styles! I was worried she was going to be the cliched bossy, mean parent, but you had her trying not to smile and getting her kids washed and wrapped up and warm by the fire, so you definitely didn't go down that route, which I really liked!
Dominique was simply adorable. Her bossy but polite nature was that of a really earnest, sweet little four year old and seemed totally realistic. So sweet.
I liked Fleur bursting into French in shock! Haha. That felt very realistic to me, and I especially appreciated that the children understood her. To my mind, of course they'd be bilingual - I've seen other stories where they don't speak French at all, which is odd to me. Only one thing - shouldn't it be 'cette pauvre chatte', as Mimi is female? I know 'chatte' is also slang for female anatomy, but in this context there can be no doubt that Fleur is referring to a cat. Please correct me if I'm wrong!! But, meh. I seem to remember you're Belgian(?), so I guess you know best! Heehee.
My only issue is that, although you show us Mimi safe and warm and drinking milk at the end, she was washed in strong household products. I was really worried the whole time the cat was going to die, and this detracted from my enjoyment of the silly trick Victoire had pulled! My suggestion would be that they accidentally use hair dye or some harmless potion that nevertheless results in a bright pink cat or something. But that's not a criticism of your writing, more a reflection of my own over-sensitivity :P
Overall, this was a really sweet, very warm, adorable little story and I really enjoyed it! Well done :)Author's Response: I really liked seeing this review sit around, but the time has come for me to answer.
I will never, ever write Fleur as a mean character. It takes me too much effort, because it doesn't cope with my vision of her, and I'm a very lazy person!
You perplexed me with your question about the french, and I had to ask my french nut of a mother for an answer. As it turns out, the french translation for female cat has become commonly associated to its slang meaning. To avoid sounding very, very awkward, we just make no distinction between male and female. But I think that's the same as english, isn't it? "The cat I have is stupid, but I love her very much" makes sense, yes?
I followed your advice about the household products, and Mimi has now taken a bath in a bucket full of water and soap, plain soap. Thank you (or your over-sensitivity) for pointing that out!
Thank you for your review, it made my day the first time I read it and continues to do so :) Report Review
This was amazing!! I loved it from beginning to end.
You really captured the mind of a three-year-old without making the writing babyish or hard to read. In fact the writing was exquisite. The story was really nicely paced. It never rushed or dragged on and your story was very unique.
I loved the beginning. You introduced your characters really nicely and showed the relationship between the different siblings. I loved how you showed Victoire's accidental magic and it was very realistic that she would be a cruel older sibling. I also loved the anecdote about the pudding. How that was the only thing Dominique had done that was mean and though their mum was mad, it was a very nice pudding.
The washing of the cat was also very well done. I loved the small hints that all was not as it seemed with the strange bottles and things. Also the cat's reaction was very realistic. It was in this part that Louis's age really showed but it was very well done. This line "She was six years old, so she had to be correct." was one of my favourites as it showed Louis's age in a very realistic way.
All the little anecdotes of Louis's life were wonderful. How James won't let him ride his broomstick and Teddy won't let him in his tree house until he is four. I also enjoyed the line about forgetting how to count twelve on his fingers.
You captured all your characters beautifully. Even the cat. I really enjoyed reading this insight into their world. This is a one-shot at it's best. Please keep writing. I would love to see what you create next :DAuthor's Response: Hi, and sorry for the time I took to answer this!
Victoire is terrible, isn't she? I enjoyed writing her through Louis' point of view, and though she is (a little) cruel, I think she also represents what older siblings exist for: tormenting their younger brothers and sisters, but loving them all the same...
The cat's reaction was so much fun to imagine. This actually sprouted from a true story, where my brother and I would chase our cat with glasses of water when we were younger, but we never ended up giving it a bath. My mum had more sense than that (thank Merlin).
Thank you for this lovely review, and don't worry, I'm not planning to stop writing anytime soon :) Report Review
Hey there! Siriusly89 here, reviewing as per requested :D I love this! Its so cute and I love the innocence of it all! Victoire is some little character :) I adore Louis though! I actually want to steal him right now! Shame he isn't an actual person. . . . . . . ah well! Can't have everything! This really is a very cutesy, well written piece! The only thing I would suggest is getting a banner, it would draw people's attention to it more :)Author's Response: No stealing Louis, he's mine! :) Victoire /is/ a sneaky child, her poor siblings...
I got a banner, following your advice!
:) Report Review
*Lol. That was quite a scene in there. It was really cute! Little Louis trying to be a good little brother and help her sister. Aww.
Great Job here!
-Failed_and_ForgottenAuthor's Response: Thank you so so so much, this was a lot of fun to write and I'm glad you've enjoyed it! :) Report Review
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