So this is a completely adorable little story you got here :P
The whole thing flowed so nicely and felt natural and I totally wanna read more of your take on Teddy/Victoire, just from this taster of a one-shot ;D
Sehr cute ♥Author's Response: Thank you! That's so sweet of you. I'm working on a new story at the moment. (Not necessarily T/V, but we'll see.) Check back if you feel like it.
(: You're a doll. Report Review
This is the first Teddy/Victoire story I've ever read. So I don't have anything to compare it to, but I thought you did a nice job with their roles and it was an interesting read. I liked the first person perspective. Thanks for the read!Author's Response: Thanks so much! I really appreciate the read/review! Report Review
Hello there! I am here with your requested review, almost obscenely late. And for this I apologize. RL things seem to be sucking up my HPFF time as of late.
First of all, cute banner. I love the simplicity and I think it aids to the mood of your story. I like that you paired such a simple summary with it as well, but you might consider embellishing just a little bit. Even if it's just a small quotation from the story, to grab the reader's attention when scrolling through all of the stories on HPFF and make them want to read :)
I like the bit about Teddy's chocolate obsession and his other girlish tendencies, like taking forever to shower. It gives us a glimpse into his character without overloading us with information. I also like that it's commonplace for her to show up at his dormitory unannounced and eat his chocolate. Mmm, salted caramel. My favorite! :)
The kissing scene is really sweet. It seems natural to me that instead of going immediately in for the kill, she kisses him behind the ear. So cute. I think that if you wanted to put a quotation in the summary, you could use this: "I can feel his fingers pressing into me, leaving their mark. He’s leaving his mark." It's really strong, and beautiful.
I also like the line, "I suppose this is just how these sorts of things go." Very simple and still eloquent. It's really sweet how much she is realizing that she's in to him but so unwilling to show it; physically biting her tongue, etc.
I feel like I want a better description of what Teddy and Victoire both look like. We get a pretty good sense of Teddy, but I have no idea how to imagine Victoire. Also her personality is a little hard to understand; I know that I like her, but I feel as though I don't know much about her other than she's playful and prefers to be around boys (I suppose she takes after her father, then?)
It's cute when she covers his eyes but he shoves her hand away. Aww ♥ such cute fluffiness. I really appreciate that everything came full circle, too, with the bracelet at the ending. It wasn't just some mindless thing that you threw in there to show that he had feelings for her. Your ending line was perfect, too.
All in all, a very nice job! I'm glad that I read this. :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I'm sorry for the late response of it though.
You're suggestions are so helpful, thank you so much! I will definitely be implementing them.
I"m so glad you enjoyed the story- I really appreciate you reading it. Report Review
Hey, I'm here from tag.
So this was adorably fluffy. Can I congratulate you, first off, for writing an honestly healthy romantic relationship between two teenage characters? That, sadly, doesn't often happen in fanfic, but it was really awesome here. I especially like Victoire's retelling of the two learning to live without each other and the importance of space and autonomy in a relationship. That's amazing, especially for Next Gen, which tends to have the more cliched and problematic relationships.
The whole thing with Teddy and the chocolate is fun, too - he's both like Remus and entirely unlike Remus in that respect. (Remus would have that much chocolate, but let you eat all of it so you wouldn't think he was selfish. Your Teddy has no such qualms, thank God.)
Victoire and her awkwardness are lovely, too. You've got lines like this:
I discreetly attempt to take a whiff of him, inhaling his very familiar scent that now sends a tingle down my spine.
That's a childishly adorable, and yet so much like adult sexuality... if I'm making any sense at all.
By the way, you've got a few typos and such - I'm not talking about the bit where Victoire's mouth is full, because obviously that's intentional, but missed apostrophes and the like popping up a few times in this fic as a whole.
Despite that, though, this was fun, and well done with the challenge. :)Author's Response: Wow! Thanks so much! I really appreciate you leaving such a thorough review.
I'm really glad it wasn't too cliched because I know it's hard to avoid in next-gen fluff.
I'm also glad you felt that the characters weren't to two- dimensional; that was a main concern of mine, since it is a) a one-shot and b) incredibly fluffy.
Again, I super appreciate your review!
P.S. I hope this isn't a no-no to say how much I loved YOUR story. So much loveliness! Report Review
A nice fluffy story! =]
I especially liked Victoire's thoughts... They were so funny!Author's Response: Thanks so much! Report Review
Hey there! Siriusly89 here! Just saying thank you for entering my challenge :) And don't forget to put 'For Siriusly89's RANDOM ROMANCE Challenge' in the summary, until the judging is done anyway :D You might have to wait a teensy bit though, because some of the entrants haven't handed in their entries :) I love this one-shot! You depict Victoire as a confident, if somewhat tom-boyish person, and I love how she doesn't swoon over Teddy, and obsess over whether he likes her or not, she kind of just goes with the flow, and I like her kind of 'I here, so deal with it' attitude :D Seriously, I love her bso much :) Thank you for entering :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
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