I am intrigued by the premise but you didn't quite hook me with this first chapter. Maybe it's needy on my part, but I'm looking to really be captivated! Occasionally, some of the dialogue was confusing when you were missing dialogue tags. Also, you may want to go over these a little more carefully before submitting. Simple stuff like run-on sentences and changing tense can interfere with my enjoyment of the story. Keep at it!Author's Response: thanks for the review Report Review
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