Never apologize for a long chapter. The longer the better. Love what you've done with the story so far.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Makes my day every-time!
Scottie

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I realize your mind gets ahead of your fingers while putting your thoughts on paper. However,you have to be more aware of sentence structure and punctuation if you intend to be a serious writer. Your storyline is great. After you finish the chapter go back and tear apart each sentence for grammar control. Ex:me and Harry went home: if you split the sentence, will it stand alone? Me went home...
I don't think so, but, Harry went home can stand alone. But, me went home...no no. Harry and I went home. You are the one who has to take responsibility for your writing. I don't know your age, but maybe you could take an evening class for beginning writers. Good luck!!!

Author's Response: Hey thanks for the review! Haven't got so many reviews in so long!
I will be going back and redoing and reworking the chapters to fix some issues that have arisen.
I appreciated your feedback.

Scottie

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Do you have an editor or proofreader? Your grammar and sentence structure are terrible! The story line is great, but the grammar makes it so difficult to read

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

I am in the process of fixing the mistakes and grammar issues

Scottie

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Hey I am always on the lookout for new stories that tell the the 19 years. I am attempting one myself so its good to take inspiration from others. I've read from another review that this was or is your first fan fiction and so first things first, well done for that.

I can't really review your ideas in the first chapter it as the plot hasn't established itself yet so i'll focus on your writing style. It feels a little confused. You start off in the present tense. from Harry's perspective he looks, he sees, he puts . It is difficult to allow the story to flow in the present tense.

You're using good description but you need to show your reader rather than tell. It feels like you're commentating rather than storytelling. From the beginning he's dreaming. Voldemort's voice sends shivers down anyone's spine so describe it. Where is the dream being set? or is it just his voice in the darkness shrill and cold. If you don't mind I'd like to rewrite your first two paragraphs here just to show you what I mean. If you do mind, let me know and just ignore me.

*
His voice cut through the darkness like a knife. Eerily familiar, every syllable filled with terrible excitement.

'You've finally done it, Harry Potter"

The slit like nostrils, the fire eyes, the twirling wand in the long white fingers. He spoke slowly, carefully.

"Everyone you... love" the word was a sneer "and care for" He was enjoying this "Dead."

The wand stopped twirling, the fingers reached out.

"Because of you. Now it's your turn. AVADA KEDAVRA!"

Harry bolted. The blood was pounding in his ears his heart frantic against his chest his lit wand was already in his hand. Voldemort.

No. He looked down at the Pheonix feather wand. Voldemort was dead. He, Harry, was safe in his four poster bed in Gryffindor tower. He was safe. It was over. He kicked his legs free of the tangled duvet and pulled back the hangings rather more cautiously than ever before.

*


There is so much potential in your story. Focus on what it is like to be each character. Don't bounce between them just because you want everyone's perspective. You have 19 years to play with. Don't rush it. Settle on one character for a chapter or two. It will build up your version of each one.

Thanks for reading this ridiculously long spiel. I hope it helps you write better. while it is always great to hear a simple Confidence booster 'Love your story keep writing' style review they're not constructive to improvement.

You are welcome to read my fan fiction attempts and follow with a similarly long and 'brutal' review.

Great Potential. You keep writing I'll keep reading

Hats

Author's Response: Hey, Thanks for the review! It is greatly appreciated! I will be going back and redoing some of the chapters to make them more cohesive

Scottie

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Scottie,
I've spent the last couple of days re-reading your story. As much as I like your storyline, I must mention some of the mistakes I've encountered. First it's Ginevra not Ginerva. You really need to check sources for spelling and facts. JK's site, Mugglenet, or Wiki are good places to start. It's important to be consistent in spelling and capitalization, Places like the Burrow should always be capitalized. That will finish my rant.
Now for the chapter. It was really good. I did have an inkling what Hermione was thinking. Though your story is the first that she has actually quit school. Interesting. I do wish you had identified the attackers. I have a feeling that they are not strangers to this fight. I am seriously ticked at Proudfoot. I'm sure Kingsley and Gawain will do what needs to be done to deal with him. Now for the Bug, she has crossed the line, again. This should be the end of her. How could she be fairly accurate in the battle in Hogsmeade, and be so wrong as to who Ron was with? Can she not know that Hermione will make good on the threat of reporting her as an unregistered Animagus? I do hope you have the next underway.
FoM
PS I would love to see Molly in action as the DADA Professor.

Author's Response: Thanks again for the review and constructive criticism! Really appreciate it! For now I think the story will be on a slight hold while I go back and try to fix some mistakes, and grammar issues that have been pointed out.

Thanks again!

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Nice, although it cold have been nicer if Hermione did not try to go back to school either or if Ron and Harry went back to school wih her.

Author's Response: Thanks again!

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Please, please, please can you answer this review because I am in need of TIPS of HOW DID YOU DO THIS NICE BOOK ALL BY YOURSELF?

Author's Response: Thanks for the review again!

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This is nice, and long. Hope to collect tips from you!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Message me if you need help or have questions

Scottie

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Scottie,
You certainly don't make it easy, do you? Here I'm fairly certain what's wrong with Hermione, and you throw a DE attack to confuse us! I don't know if it's just her missing Ron. Or could it be someone is trying to Imperious her to leave the school? Thanks for the hints as to Harry's inheritance. But you've only wet my imagination. Now in the middle of the fight, our hero is losing strength, Please don't wait too long to update.
FoM

Author's Response: Thanks again for the awesome review, next chapter is almost finished, just making final changes.

Scottie

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I am amazed at how the mundane day to day stories of the Potter Clan can be so entertaining. Nevertheless I crave more. Well don on the Harry and Ginny "moment" you went just far enough to give us an idea of what happened but not so far as to tarnish the clean images of the characters.

Please write more.quickly

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Appreciate it!

Already posted next chapter. Waiting on validation.

Scottie

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Scottie,
Great chapter! I especially like the duels to establish teams. Your writing in the first person helped.
There were some grammatical/spelling mistakes. The use of the word to instead of too. Here is an example. "To you as well" is correct as it denotes direction, Hermione stated her age concern as she was "to" old, was incorrect, it should have been too (denoting extra and/or very). I just wanted to point it out. It in no way detracted from the story. I thought your depiction was spot on.
FoM

Author's Response: Thanks again for the review! I think I prefer first person more so. Thanks for the information as well! Greatly appreciated.

Scottie

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So far liking the story, how long of a story do you intend to write?

Author's Response: Not sure as of yet, see how long everyone remains interested

Scottie

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Scottie,
A very interesting mix in this chapter. Ginny's nightmares, to her birthday. to her "becoming a woman", to Molly and Hermione becoming Hogwarts Professors. I did enjoy it all. I was confused as to the year listed in the beginning. I was under the impression that as soon as Ginny was awakened, she was reminded it was her birthday, specifically her coming of age birthday. So wouldn't the year be 1998, not 2012? Just asking. Still a very enjoyable read.
FoM

Author's Response: Thanks again for the review! And yes i just fixed that mistake now, must have missed that one, Thanks for pointing it out!

Scottie

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So far so good. Really like the story so far! Hope we get more Ron time!

Author's Response: Thanks, next chapter has alot of Ron in it!

Thanks for the review!

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Good chapter. Noticed a few spelling errors but overall I enjoyed greatly. Liked how fast you moved the trials along, I find after awhile they get tedious, also how everyone got the deserved time. I find it really unrealistic when half of them either get away or don't get charged.

Keep it up!

Author's Response: I agree, want to speed along the more tedious part of the plot!

Thanks for reviewing!

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Scottie,
Good chapter. I am amazed at the extent of the content. You really covered a lot of the summer after the battle. I did find many miss spelled words. You also, probably in the speed of writing so much consistently left the Burrow uncapitalised. Please find someone to proof read for you. The good news is that it in no way interfered with the enjoyment of reading the chapter. I look forward to the next.
FoM

Author's Response: Thanks again for the awesome review! I need to find someone to review for me, but I don't know where to look. Wanted to get most of the summer out of the way, to much filler I didn't want to include.
Next chapter will be up shortly!

Scottie

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I really like this story so far, and I like the length of this chapter not to long and not to short! Great job so far!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review and for the vote of confidence! Please keep reviewing!

Scottie

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scottieclark,
My, my. What surprises have appeared. I think this is the first story I have seen that Molly is the DADA Professor. I have seen Harry, Bill, Arthur, and even Augusta. Frequently it is a new character, some good, some bad. Molly is an excellent choice. Your distribution of the awards felt right. The appearance of the foreign Ministers in the numbers you have, was a surprise, yet it feels right. The British Wizarding Community needed outside help. It's just that yours gives more detail. Kudos to you. Please post soon.
FoM

Author's Response: I think Molly is quite an underused character throughout the series, she is clearly a powerful witch, smart and very honest. Because of this I decided that even though the story will not be about Molly at least I can portray her as such. DADA teacher, on the Wizamont and head of a charity.

Also the ICW will also have a role in my story!

Thanks again for the review

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Just found this story, great start!

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I am really enjoying your story. Keep up the good work.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review and words of encouragment!

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I think Andromeda or Molly would be a good DADA teacher, or Fluer!

Author's Response: I like the ideas, but Andromeda may be a bit busy with Teddy, so Fleur or Molly have a good chance.

Scottie

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Great Chapter. Please keep updating fast!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Computer just crashed so have to rewrite the last two chapters, please bare with me.

Scottie

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Scottie,
First let me say I am enjoying your story. But I have noticed a few spelling errors. If the books aren't close you can go to a few sites that have loads of information. JKR's site, Mugglenet, or even Wikipedia. The two that surprised me was your spelling of Kingsleys last name, it's Shacklebolt, the other was for the most destructive tree we have ever seen, the Whomping Willow. Other wise I really loved the exchange with the Bug. For one you allowed, Ron and Hermione not to mention Harry,to have adult reactions. Not many authors out her this early. After her "Biography" of Albus, and her treatment of Ms Bagshot, she has crossed the line. It's time she paid the price. And why in Merlins name did Kingsley allow her to be the interviewer? I expected Luna, or her father would have been the one to get the story straight. The Hogswarts portion was good. I have an idea as to who will take over the DADA. But I just don't know how she is going to handle the trust fund, the Weezergamot, and teaching. She is my friend and one terrific dueler, take that Trixie! You are right to save the Memorial for the next chapter. There is so much to be said. Minerva probably extended her invitation to the Four because they would have found ways to be together, why not have some control? Please get busy typing. I want that next chapter!
FoM

Author's Response: Thanks again for your review! For whatever reason those two mistake must have missed my proofreading.

I don't really have much of a use for Rita Skeeter during the story, so I thought I'd honour cannon before she makes her leave.

Thanks again, and next chapter will be up shortly

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Interesting chapter, loved how Hermione immediately thought of any dragon's treatment :D Love dragons!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Really appreciate it!

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Scottie,
You wrote a really enjoyable and very canon (to me) chapter. I am never surprised when an author has the Granger home destroyed. That's just what DE's do. Just as it surprises me when the Burrow is left standing. It makes me sad, but not surprised when it's been destroyed. I liked the way you wrote the entire Grangers returning to their lives. The portkey arrival had some humour, which at that point was needed.
You also have an interesting take on the Gringotts situation. It sounded like the Goblins were hoping that Harry would decline to sign the contract. They probably have a clause in the banking laws that would enable them to confiscate Harry's entire holdings if he didn't. Oh please write about the discovery of his houses and the contents of his vaults. Of course Harry would share his wealth, that's just how he is. It's probably going to take some convincing to have Arthur and Molly accept what he wants to give them. Please post soon.
FoM

Author's Response: Thanks again for the comment! Really appreciate all the reviews. In future chapters we will be exploring the wealth of Harry, but I need to get all the back story up. I am in the process of trying to decided whether or not to include a battle scene in the next chapter or leave it for later chapters. New chapter will be posted shortly!

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